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  #1  
Old 06-21-2009, 06:31 AM
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Default Story Idea: As of yet unnamed

So, I think pretty much everyone will agree that in the anime, Ash was a fail trainer. There really isn't much arguing about it, and it may have been almost a decade since I last watched the show, from what I remember he mainly relied upon Pikachu to save the day when one of his other Pokemon failed, or he went straight to Pikachu even when the little guy was at a horrible type disadvantage. A perfect example of this is his first Gym battle with Brock, he used electricity against rock/ground types, he's a freaking moron.

I got to thinking a while ago when I was beating Fire Red for about the 3,405th time while reading on FF.net, what if Ash had a mentor of sort? One that took a more forceful and hands-on approach than Brock, who mainly stood off to the side and every once in a while shouted an encouragement at Ash. I'd just effortlessly beaten the Elite Four when it hit me, while not a self-insert (shudder) my trainer (who for some reason I always name Gregor) pretty much kicked ass and chewed bubble gum, at the same time.

My premise for this story is pretty simple, there is no Sinnoh, just because I hated all the Pokemon in that game (I know some of you will disagree, but I really don't care) it seems like they just ran out of ideas and are really reaching to try and keep the game fresh, so scratch all of Sinnoh. I mean really, two more eeveelutions? Jaysus. Pokemon from all the three "original" regions, Kanto, Jhoto and Hoenn, can be found in each other, it is just rare to find a Hoenn Pokemon in Kanto and vica versa, while both are a little, but not much, more common in Jhoto.

Gregor Thorn is going to be an experienced trainer, with a decade of training knowledge under his belt and a team of six Pokemon that he has taken all through Jhoto and Hoenn, collecting all the badges. He hasn't partaken in the League tournament yet just because he lacks the motivation to do so, and for a few personal reasons that I'm going to keep private for now, partly because I don't know all of them and also, I don't want to tell you so there.
Right now I have them meeting up right before Ash goes into Pewter Gym for the first time, with Gregor keeping him from getting Pikachu's butt kicked and coaching him for a while, before deciding to help him on his journey through Kanto mostly because he's heading that way anyhoo.

Some might notice that this is my first post on the boards, it is, and I really hope to get some positive responses about this fic, I'm pretty much rewriting the story of Ash and Pikachu, even going as far as Ash not catchi- sorry, receiving all of the three starters along the way. Oh yea, if anyone wants to be my beta for this, I just might love you for an indeterminable amount of time, possibly somewhere close to forever.
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  #2  
Old 06-22-2009, 12:33 PM
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Default Re: Story Idea: As of yet unnamed

It's an interesting idea, I'll admit.

You have to be willing to get some people flame you for not liking the anime Ash, but I suppose there will always be people who don't like your story for some stupid reason or the other.

I'd say go for it, simply because I'm curious to see how you'll pull this off. You'd need to stick fairly close to the anime plot line if I'm not mistaken, without having Ash do what he does best and kick butt with Thundershock.

I'll keep an eye out for this.
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  #3  
Old 06-23-2009, 07:20 AM
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Default Re: Story Idea: As of yet unnamed

I got part of chapter one up for it, and a working title that may or may not change, I'd appreciate some feedback and if someone wants to beta for me I'd love a dedicated second opinion.

A Different Kind of Adventure

Chapter 1.


Ash sat glaring at the small yellow mouse Pokemon in front of him, the elastic lead trailing from the makeshift harness he had made to his rubber gloved hands. This wasn’t going as he had planned; he was supposed to get a Charmander, Bulbasaur or a Squirtle, but he had destroyed his alarm in his sleep, he had missed the ceremony, all that was left was one unruly, barely tamed Pikachu, and she was kicking his ass.


“Look here Pikachu, we can either do this the hard way, and I’ll drag you on my Pokemon Journey, or we can do it the easy way and you can cooperate and help me along!”


“Pika!” the little mouse yelled and turned her head away.


Sighing, Ash got to his feet and started off down the trail to Viridian city, dragging the little yellow headache along the way.


He had been walking for about half an hour, now having to fight Pikachu every step of the way. Pikachu had decided that she wasn’t going to go quietly and was pulling against the Clothesline lead. Ash was about to sit down for a break from fighting with his starter when he got the first scare of his journey. “What the hell are you doing?” Ash jumped and turned around with a decidedly feminine squeal of shock, which sent both Pikachu and the older man behind him into fits of laughter.


“What is wrong with you?! You don’t just sneak up on some-” Ash’s protest died in his throat as he saw what was behind the man. It had to be the largest Typhlosion that he had ever saw, its sinewy muscled body was covered in a multitude of scars, a testament to how hard and long it has been battling for its trainer. It stood at about 6’10”to an even 7’, Ash wasn’t sure which and couldn’t be sure without a closer examination, still, it was a good foot taller than any other Typhlosion he had ever seen, or heard of.


The man himself was almost as intimidating as his Pokemon, around 6’ even; he had black hair much shorter than his own but just as messy, perched upon his nose was a pair of oval steel frame glasses. He wore a dark green shirt with a royal blue, multi-pocket vest and black cargo shorts with military style boots and pack. He was also looking at Ash like he had busted out of the Saffron psych ward.


“Why in the world are you dragging a Pikachu around on a cloths line? You didn’t steal her from Pallet did you?” The guy looked at him askance, as if judging his character.


“NO! No I didn’t steal her from Pallet, she’s my starter!” Ash protested a look of shock on his face.


“She doesn’t seem to like you very much, almost like she’s about to bite you, actually.” The man observed.


Ash looked down at Pikachu, a wary look on his face and leaned away slightly when she gave him a big smile showing her sharp incisors. “You might get along with her better if you untied the leash” the man leaned down and deftly untied Ash’s inexperienced knot, freeing the Pikachu who promptly stretched and enjoyed her freedom of movement by bounding up a nearby tree.


“Oh man! Look what you did! It’s going to take me forever to get her out of that tree now!” Ash started to climb the tree while the man and Typhlosion shared a look, the large Fire type, currently down on all fours seemed to roll his eyes and shake his head in exasperation. The man sighed and slightly waved at his companion, who took that as permission and curled up to take a short nap.


Walking up to Ash struggling with the first branch, the guy lifted the ten year old down by his armpits and set him next to him. “Look kid, you can’t make a Pokemon like you. Pokemon become slightly sentient when they get captured, you should know this, didn’t they teach you anything in your Novice classes?”


Ash looked slightly abashed at the rebuke and turned away scratching the back of his head. “I may have not been paying attention during some, perhaps most, of the theory classes.”


“You’ve gotta be kidding me, kid. Let me guess you mostly concentrated on the battle aspects of the classes than any of the Pokemon raising and care?” Ash’s embarrassed look told him all he needed to know. “Okay, lesson time, very abbreviated. When Pokemon are caught a bond forms with the trainer, granting the Pokemon a slight sentience derived directly from the Trainer’s human mind. Wild Pokemon do not have this sentience. Your Pikachu had the bond transferred to you when she came into your ownership. Did you sit down and talk to her about what you wish to do on your Journey or what goals you wish to accomplish with her and her future companion’s help?”


Ash looked up at him in slight wonder before changing his gaze over to his Pikachu, who was now looking down at him expectantly. “No, no I didn’t do any of that; I guess I messed up huh?” A rhetorical question, but pertinent none the less. “Hey Pikachu, if you want, you can come down and we’ll talk things over for a while, get to know each other a bit better, what do you say?” He looked up at the Pikachu hopefully and was surprised to see her mid-jump onto his shoulder than onto the ground, smiling he followed her to the base of the tree and sat down, to share his hopes and dreams with his very first Pokemon.


The man watched him for a little while then turned away with a smirk to go over to his Typhlosion, who it seemed had caught a Pidgey and devoured it in the short time he was gone, if the tufts of feathers, beak and legs were anything to go by. Thumping his back down on the ground he sat down next to his starter, he leaned his back into its powerful flank and closed his eyes. Listening to Ash go on about becoming the best Pokemon Master that there ever was, and catching one of every known species, he frowned, he had some educating to do it seemed. He was pondering about the boy when he felt a rough tongue run from his chin all the way up to his temple and opened his eyes. Looking at the Typhlosion he wrinkled his nose “Your breath is horrible.” He got an approximation of a barking laugh back before he shoved the Fire Type’s large head away and stood up, his starter following suit.


They stood watching the youngster converse with his Pikachu for a while longer, and could see the bond forming between young man and first Pokemon, as it had with them after the disastrous start to their own Journey. A small grin came to his face and he thumped his standing Pokemon on the shoulder and started towards the sitting boy, who had fallen silent.


“Alright kid, we got some walking to do if we want to make it to Viridian before night falls and frankly, with such a short distance between here and there I don’t want to set up a camp for tonight” he flipped his PokeDex out of his pocket for a minute and consulted some text and graphics before flipping it shut “though it seems that the weather is supposed to get stormy anyway, so lets hoof it and we can talk on the way.” The man started on down the road with his Typhlosion close behind and to the left, again back on four legs for easier movement.


Ash shared a look with his Pikachu for a moment before running to catch up with the guy “Hey hey! I wanted to thank you for the help with Pikachu; I was pretty lost back there for a while, and getting kind of desperate.”


“Don’t mention it kid, I started out before the initiated the Novice program and had to figure this stuff out on my own, and you looked like you really needed the help” both the Typhlosion and Pikachu each gave a short laugh at that “My name is Gregor Thorn by the way, and this big lug is Agni, my own starter.”


“My name is Ashton Ketchum, but you can just call me Ash” the kid stuck out his right hand and it was shook by Gregor’s own. “This is my Pikachu, as you already know she is my starter.”


“Pika pika!”


Gregor looked at the Pokemon riding on Ash’s shoulder and stuck out a finger to shake, which she did vigorously.


“Charmed, Pikachu” Gregor smiled at the little mouse, he had always liked the Pika family. “Have you thought about giving her a name?”


As looked contemplative for a little bit before shaking his head “I don’t think that I’m going to name my companions, my Father never did according to my Mother, I think I’ll keep up his practice.”


Gregor nodded his head and grinned. “Its good to keep some traditions alive I guess, I give them names to give them a sense of identity and individuality, your reason is as good as any.”


“So what are you doing on Rout 1 if you’re so obviously experienced?” Ash asked, looking up at the older man with questioning eyes.


“Ah, I’ve never journeyed through Kanto before, and I wanted to experience it like I have the other two regions, on foot and nice and slow. I got eight more badges to collect here and some people that I need to visit that I haven’t seen in years.”


“You have badges from Johto and Hoenn? Wow! Can I see them?! Please?” Ash’s slightly subdued mood from after his episode with his Pikachu, transformed into an excited babbling of gushing excitement.


Gregor smiled slightly and reached into his left back pocket and produced a tri-fold wallet type device, each fold had eight spots on it that were obviously spaces for badges. Sixteen of the twenty four spaces were filled with a rainbow of colors and a bunch of different shapes. “Woooow” Ash breathed out in awe, “That’s the most impressive thing I’ve seen in a long time.”


Raising an eyebrow Gregor flipped the leather tri-fold shut and put it back in his pocket “How is that so impressive?”


“Not many Trainers get more than eight badges anymore, the attitude that my friends had before we left was to get the Kanto eight and then win the Pokemon League right away, that’s definitely what Gary is going to do.”


Gregor was amused at the way Ash spit out the name “Gary” and his lips twitched in amusement before schooling himself. “So who’s this Gary guy?”


Ash nearly growled as he answered the question, “He’s a stuck up jerk! Just because he’s Professor Oak’s grandson he thinks that he should get special treatment and everything handed to him! Argh! I can’t stand him! He walks around all the time acting like everyone should bow down to him just because of who his Grandfather is; it drives me crazy!”


Chuckling slightly at Ash’s vehement hatred for all things Gary, Gregor shook his head and grinned “So I take it you two aren’t the best of friends, then?” Ash’s “are you stupid?” look said it all and made Agni chuff with laughter. “So you want to be better than this Gary kid at training and all that huh? I might be able to help you with that, I like you kid, so I’m going to show you the ropes.”


Ash looked up at him then grinned widely and high pawed with Pikachu before pumping his fist in the air with a cheer. “So what are you gonna teach me next? That thing about mental bonds was really cool, and a lot better explained than the way my teachers did it, you got anything else really cool like that? How about some super secret training techniques?”


Gregor smirked for a second before schooling his features “Not so much. Most of training centers around common sense. Another large part of it concerns knowing as much as you can about any Pokemon you are likely to encounter both in the field and in a controlled tournament setting, along with how to care for your own. And the last part of it is applying that knowledge when the situation calls. If you can take advantage of your surroundings, get a smooth, nice rhythm going with your partners and learn to fight dirty, you can go very far.”


Ash considered the older male’s words for a minute before asking a question that was bothering him, “Why would I want to fight dirty?”


“Pokemon battles used to be a way for aristocratic gentlemen to settle duels of honor. They were to the death, Ash. Nowadays its for sport, and not nearly as barbaric but there are still stakes involved. Every match has a money prize coming from your very own funds, you want to do everything you can to win. I can’t tell you how many Trainers I’ve met that had to retire and get a job because they got overconfident and bet more than they could afford without giving a match their all, you do not want to become a losing statistic, you want to be a winning one.”


Ash looked up at him with a contemplative look on his face before nodding and glancing at Pikachu, who was also looking deep in thought “So, tell me more about how these wages work out?”
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  #4  
Old 06-25-2009, 02:04 PM
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Default Re: Story Idea: As of yet unnamed

I like the idea too, and I agree about Sinnoh. :P Though I do like Leafeon and Glaceon, and a number of other Sinnoh Pokemon, I do not like a lot of them and agree that the regions beforehand were better. :3 I will protest about re-writing Ash's journey, mainly because it seems strange since he's gone through all these episodes and movies and stuff, and personally I wouldn't use a character like him (since I don't like him much xD).

By the way, you aren't supposed to post chapters here. Post chapters in the Fan Fiction section, and not the ideas section. x3 'K?

I read a lot of stories here, but I probably will follow yours. I don't know if you could call me anyone's beta-er, but yeah. :P

~Xanthe.
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  #5  
Old 06-27-2009, 05:48 AM
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Default Re: Story Idea: As of yet unnamed

That's not a chapter, its got about half of what I have projected for the first chapter in it, though. The main reason I wanted to rewrite Ash's journey is for that reason, I want to make him a like able character because really, he was a *******. I want to unstupid him and make him a proficient Pokemon trainer because face it, he was the original original trainer and I believe that he could do better. I'm just gauging the reactions to my story on this board before I really put in the work on it or if I should just go ahead and write Gregor's journey and forget Ash all together.
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Old 06-27-2009, 08:23 AM
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Default Re: Story Idea: As of yet unnamed

Right, I getcha. :P But there's no need for any word that would need asterisking out (in that post there). =/
Well, if I were you, I'd scratch Ash's journey and stick with your own character. It's also part of Ash's personality--why he's not exactly the 'hero' he's made out to be. :P So you have to make him somewhat stupid. xD

~Xanthe.
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  #7  
Old 06-28-2009, 04:19 PM
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Default Re: Story Idea: As of yet unnamed

Quote:
Originally Posted by Graceful_Suicune View Post
Right, I getcha. :P But there's no need for any word that would need asterisking out (in that post there). =/
Well, if I were you, I'd scratch Ash's journey and stick with your own character. It's also part of Ash's personality--why he's not exactly the 'hero' he's made out to be. :P So you have to make him somewhat stupid. xD

~Xanthe.
She's right. The reason Ash has the charm that he does is because he's stupid, and gets by most things on luck and pure, utter determination. If you want a suave, intelligent character to write about who's IN the anime, then take Gary. Else yeah, write Gregor's journey.
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Old 07-02-2009, 07:38 PM
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Default Re: Story Idea: As of yet unnamed

Alright, I can see your guys' points and agree with them. I'll scratch this story and just stick with Gregor, but it is going to be happening in the world of the Anime, so some characters might show up every once in a while. And no, Gregor is not going to be suave, he's going to be very blunt and tell people like it is and not sugar coat his words. That's how I was raised and that's how he is gonna be raised as well. I'll start working on his story when I get some time. Thanks for all the feedback.
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