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Go Back   Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000 » Interactive Boards » Creative Writing

Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #1  
Old 11-20-2008, 12:38 AM
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Default

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Last edited by my-little-starr; 02-18-2011 at 10:22 PM.
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  #2  
Old 11-20-2008, 02:43 AM
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Default Re: Suishou Neo Johto

Story discontinued

Last edited by my-little-starr; 05-13-2009 at 02:05 AM.
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  #3  
Old 11-20-2008, 03:46 AM
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Default Re: Suishou Neo Johto

Good story-you have much better description that I did when I began my story. Just watch out for typos and make sure you space properly, and you'll be fine ;D
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  #4  
Old 11-20-2008, 05:39 AM
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Default Re: Suishou Neo Johto

Well, I've already given you a review, but I think I'll post here anyway. ^^
Make sure that you keep track of everything as you write. After you give her Pokemon a name, make sure that you call it by that name.

Quote:
Angelina walked towards the left, Charmander happily skipping behind her.
Quote:
she laughed as Charmander clambered up to her shoulder
There were a couple other place as well. Also, that she should be capitalized. You finished the quote before it with a period. ^^
And didn't Betsy say that she would travel with her at the end of the first? The end of this sounded as if they were splitting up.
Sorry. That's what I do...nitpick typos.
The story is good so far. Just keep up with it. ^^
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Last edited by k_pop; 11-20-2008 at 05:43 AM.
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  #5  
Old 11-20-2008, 10:49 PM
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Default Re: Suishou Neo Johto

Quote:
Originally Posted by k_pop View Post
Well, I've already given you a review, but I think I'll post here anyway. ^^
Make sure that you keep track of everything as you write. After you give her Pokemon a name, make sure that you call it by that name.





There were a couple other place as well. Also, that she should be capitalized. You finished the quote before it with a period. ^^
And didn't Betsy say that she would travel with her at the end of the first? The end of this sounded as if they were splitting up.
Sorry. That's what I do...nitpick typos.
The story is good so far. Just keep up with it. ^^
Oh that's okay k pop.No problem with that and thanks for the advice.
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  #6  
Old 11-21-2008, 12:35 AM
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Default Re: Suishou Neo Johto

Story discontinued

Last edited by my-little-starr; 05-13-2009 at 02:05 AM.
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  #7  
Old 11-21-2008, 12:51 AM
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Default Re: Suishou Neo Johto

Story discontinued

Last edited by my-little-starr; 05-13-2009 at 02:05 AM.
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  #8  
Old 11-21-2008, 12:51 AM
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Default Re: Suishou Neo Johto

Quote:
“Have fun and be careful, and tell me all of your adventures of your journey when you return home.”
Try changing the your, or get rid of the bolded section-it's too repetitive.

Quote:
No sooner had Angelina arrived in New Bark Town, and after she captured a Hoothoot with a spare Pokéball she had, trouble was already brewing.
So, she just zipped to New Bark Town from Pallet Town? Unless you have a character like Sonic who can run around super fast, you need to describe the journey from place to place, or else it seems rushed.

Quote:
Angelina growled, she knew to blame the boy with the Squirtle.
Forgot the "r" in Squirtle.

Quote:
(S)12345(S)
What does that mean?


Anyways, good chapter-just watch out for repetive words or lines, and don't rush the journey.
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  #9  
Old 11-21-2008, 01:22 AM
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Default Re: Suishou Neo Johto

Wow, best intro I've ever seen. Cool. Keep it up.
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  #10  
Old 11-21-2008, 03:25 AM
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Default Re: Suishou Neo Johto

Story discontinued

Last edited by my-little-starr; 05-13-2009 at 02:06 AM.
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  #11  
Old 11-21-2008, 11:13 PM
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Post Re: Suishou Neo Johto

Story discontinued

Last edited by my-little-starr; 05-13-2009 at 02:06 AM.
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  #12  
Old 11-22-2008, 12:13 AM
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Post Re: Suishou Neo Johto

Story discontinued

Last edited by my-little-starr; 05-13-2009 at 02:07 AM.
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  #13  
Old 11-22-2008, 01:54 AM
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Post Re: Suishou Neo Johto

Story discontinued

Last edited by my-little-starr; 05-13-2009 at 02:07 AM.
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  #14  
Old 11-22-2008, 02:23 AM
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Default Re: Suishou Neo Johto

Story discontinued

Last edited by my-little-starr; 05-13-2009 at 02:08 AM.
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  #15  
Old 11-22-2008, 03:21 AM
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Post Re: Suishou Neo Johto

Story discontinued

Last edited by my-little-starr; 05-13-2009 at 02:08 AM.
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