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Go Back   Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000 » Interactive Boards » Creative Writing

Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #1  
Old 10-22-2008, 05:03 PM
LugiaAeroBlast Offline
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Default La Verite Choque

La Verite Choque
My first fanfic, I will take any criticism about anything, well here we go…

Prologue
Oghaecko was 6 year old kid in 1991. He was living on the street since he was a baby because his parents abandoned him. He was taken in by a kind loving husband and wife called Elmissale(lady) and Vaerdan(man). They looked after him for the rest of his life and gradually forgot about his terrible past. They kept him fed, they bought him things to do and they treated him like he was their own.
1 year later they started taking him to school, he was a bit late going in to school at 7 years old. Despite this he was still one of the top in the class and loved the class pet Pichu. Everytime he got back home, he went through a routine like we all do everyday.
Although, 1 night, when he was eating his Tea(you might call it dinner) his `parents` broke the horrible truth to him…
Its only short but this is just to see what people think about it and my writing skills, please try and correct my mistakes and give me advice. As I said earlier any criticism will be taken.

Credit for the names goes to ElectrikeLover1996
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  #2  
Old 10-22-2008, 05:17 PM
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Default Re: La Verite Choque



Since you asked me to post, may as well (now that I've re-read it like, 12 times) say that this sentence confused me:
"He was taken in by a kind loving husband and wife called Elmissale(lady) and Vaerdan(man)"

o-o; I can't figure out what tips me about that sentence...*blinks*
But it's lookin' good, for bein' short. ^^

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  #3  
Old 10-22-2008, 05:22 PM
Dark G-Gar Offline
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Default Re: La Verite Choque

wow that was good :D
can't wait until the news breaks out !
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  #4  
Old 10-22-2008, 05:23 PM
LugiaAeroBlast Offline
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Default Re: La Verite Choque

really guys, thanks!
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  #5  
Old 10-22-2008, 05:25 PM
Dark G-Gar Offline
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Default Re: La Verite Choque

one question whats the name mean ?
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  #6  
Old 10-22-2008, 05:26 PM
LugiaAeroBlast Offline
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Default Re: La Verite Choque

It means the truth hurts in french(has it added to the mystery?)...
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  #7  
Old 10-22-2008, 05:26 PM
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Default Re: La Verite Choque

Quote:
Originally Posted by LugiaAeroBlast View Post
It means the truth hurts in french(has it added to the mystery?)...
not really .. when i you gonna write another?
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  #8  
Old 10-22-2008, 05:27 PM
LugiaAeroBlast Offline
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Default Re: La Verite Choque

give me a chance! the next one im going to try and make it longer, but i`m no wiz kid at making lng chapters...
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  #9  
Old 10-22-2008, 05:31 PM
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Default Re: La Verite Choque

how long did that take you..?

ok sorry its left on a little hook
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  #10  
Old 10-22-2008, 05:31 PM
LugiaAeroBlast Offline
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Default Re: La Verite Choque

i`m making it now.
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  #11  
Old 10-22-2008, 05:36 PM
Dark G-Gar Offline
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Default Re: La Verite Choque

Quote:
Originally Posted by LugiaAeroBlast View Post
i`m making it now.
what already..
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  #12  
Old 10-22-2008, 05:45 PM
LugiaAeroBlast Offline
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Default Re: La Verite Choque

Chapter 1
`The truth is,` began Elmissale.` We found you on the streets living rough in a dark alleyway, all on your own when you were 6 years old.`
`What!`Oghaecko shouted.`What do you mean you found me on the streets!`
`Oghaecko, we`re sorry, we thought that you would be able to cope with the news.`Vaerdan said.
`Who are my real parents?!`Oghaecko yelled.
``How do you expect us to know, we thought it would be better for your life if we did this for you and it is isn't it?`Elmissale told him.
`I know, but why didnt you tell me at some other point?!`
This situation was beginning to make things really quite bad....

Oghaecko ran out of the front door, not stopping not untill he got to Armagan Forest .
He bent down, hands on his knees with tears streaming from his eyes, breathing heavily.
`What did I do to deserve this?`Oghaecko questioned himself.
As he was saying these very words, a pair of glowing eyes appeared in the bushes, yet Oghaecko did not notice them. Although, wherever he seemed to walk the eyes were following him...

He eventually reached a clearing, where there wasnt much around except for some soft moss to sit on. He sat down and starting feeling sorry for himself. As he was deep in thought lying down with his eyes closed, he heard a rustle in the bushes behind him. He jumped up and backed away a couple of paces. A Manectric pounced out with so much static you could actually feel it in the air. Oghaecko went to run away from it but he Manectric blocked his path and stared at him with its deep menacing gold coloured eyes...

There you go its longer this time!
Phew! Tell me what you think in again!
Dang, i looked at it and its still not long enough...

Last edited by LugiaAeroBlast; 10-22-2008 at 05:53 PM.
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  #13  
Old 10-22-2008, 05:47 PM
Dark G-Gar Offline
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Default Re: La Verite Choque

wow that was brill keep it up ..
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  #14  
Old 10-22-2008, 05:48 PM
LugiaAeroBlast Offline
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Default Re: La Verite Choque

i`m not in diamond for no reason!
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  #15  
Old 10-22-2008, 05:51 PM
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Default Re: La Verite Choque



"`Who are my really parents?!`Oghaecko questioned demandingly."

^ Mrah? "Who are my real parents?!" he yelled.
'Really' doesn't really fit in.

"...felling sorry..."
*feeling

Lookin' good. ^^

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