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Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #1  
Old 08-20-2008, 03:52 AM
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Post Poetry

I decided to post this because I have made some poetry and I don't know if it's any good, so I guess I want to see if people like it...

If you want to post your own poetry here, go ahead.

Confused
When I speak to you-
I get this feeling of voodoo,
I'm going insane-
Like acid in my brain.
So confused, was it us?
Or just dust...
I still don't know-
But I try not to show.

Deadly One
You, purfect purfection-
False fase-
Stinging purfume,
Poisonous kiss,
You sent me to hell-
Then dragged me back,
Just to kill me again-
And yet, I still lie at your feet.

Needless Needles
The numbingly painful tingle-
Of a thousand needles,
Each one a lie-
Sinking into me,
I deserve the pain-
For reasons I don't understand,
Now I am complete.

Well, tell me if you like them or hate them and I might post more if I make more. I'm not emo, I just wrote these during a particually painful and depressing school year...

Here's two more.

False Friend
You, all you-
Ever did,
Is pretend-
Pretend,
To be my firend,
I see the light-
Of you're blight,
Let it just end...

Hell Girl
You blinded me,
With you're burning face-
I fell-
Head over heels.
You shot me,
With your hellish glare-
I bleed, and stay by your side.
You poisoned me,
With your toxic laugh-
I'm slowly dieing-
Next to you...

Last edited by Guard13007; 08-30-2008 at 08:38 AM.
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  #2  
Old 08-30-2008, 08:06 AM
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Default Re: Poetry

they were amazing!! i loved them so much!!

EDIT: loved the two new poems!
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Quote:
An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind.
~Buddha~

Last edited by ElectrikeLover1996; 08-30-2008 at 08:40 AM.
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  #3  
Old 08-30-2008, 08:21 AM
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Post Re: Poetry

Here's one that my teacher found but I claimed it not mine and they believed me...Before they believed me though, they thought I was suicidal. And the said it was good! LOL! Just cause you write this stuff doesn't mean you are...

Big Words
It's not euphoric,
It's deploring,
It's my exsistence,
Oh the irony,
You, nice person-
Cease cajoling me,
To keep going-
My jaded blight,
It's intricate.
My life-
Filled with dolor...

And I don't think this one is very good but I'll post it anyhow.

Flying Away
Why do I try?
When all I want-
Is to fly,
Fly away-
Form this day.

Last edited by Guard13007; 08-30-2008 at 08:33 AM.
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  #4  
Old 08-30-2008, 08:31 AM
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Default Re: Poetry

good poem here are two I made and they are about my first girlfriend, I rushed them so, yeah!:

Soulless Clam:
Oh, why did you leave me like that?
Was it because i'm too fat?
Or even my hair?
Why did you leave my heart so bare?
Oh my dearest sam,
Your like a soulless clam.

Bad Valentines day:

It was valentines day,
The day I will pay.
Why did I like you,
My brain feels like goo.
Why did you dump me?
Was it to be free?
whatever it is,
There was no reason to do this.
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Quote:
An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind.
~Buddha~

Last edited by ElectrikeLover1996; 08-30-2008 at 08:56 AM.
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  #5  
Old 09-04-2008, 02:39 AM
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Talking Re: Poetry

Quote:
Originally Posted by james1111 View Post
good poem here are two I made and they are about my first girlfriend, I rushed them so, yeah!:

Soulless Clam:
Oh, why did you leave me like that?
Was it because i'm too fat?
Or even my hair?
Why did you leave my heart so bare?
Oh my dearest sam,
Your like a soulless clam.

Bad Valentines day:

It was valentines day,
The day I will pay.
Why did I like you,
My brain feels like goo.
Why did you dump me?
Was it to be free?
whatever it is,
There was no reason to do this.
Ugh, don't you think you should make the I's capitalized? And I don't know if I'll ever come up with more poems that are mine. I'm not depressed enough! LOL, life's great right now!!! Happy happy joy joy, happy happy-

Anyhow, I might be able to post some of my friend's poetry...

B4N!
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  #6  
Old 09-04-2008, 02:44 AM
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Default Re: Poetry

I take it you're fond of line breaks?
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  #7  
Old 09-04-2008, 03:00 AM
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Talking Re: Poetry

Quote:
Originally Posted by Poring View Post
I take it you're fond of line breaks?
No, not really. And I'm kind of a n00b, but I get around. (URPG, Fan Fic, Pokeplushies, Character Chat)

As for the line breaks, I've always thought of poetry as a bunch of ryhming (or not) phrases stacked on top of each other, so that's how I write. Plus, I just write what I'm feeling at the time so it comes off differently sometimes...

And that's just my style! Wow, I take up this much space to answer you. LOL...

P.S. Do you like them? And if you don't mind me going crazy for a sec: YAYS! Someone that I never met is reading my poetry!
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  #8  
Old 09-04-2008, 12:56 PM
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Default Re: Poetry

Uh, you don't need to be depressed to write good poetry. That's a ridiculous societal stigma. All you need to do is feel an emotion strong enough to make you want to write about it--or, lacking the emotion, just feel like writing. All you have to do to write poetry is sit down, pull it from the heart, and write it.

~IGC t DM+
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  #9  
Old 09-04-2008, 01:09 PM
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Default Re: Poetry

IGC is right. Poetry is an expression of deepest emotion, not a means by which depressed people write. Yes, I'll admit that in today's day and era there's a whole influx of depressing poetry, but poems do not have to be depressing.

Whatever happened to the good old days of love poems?

Deathspector
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  #10  
Old 09-04-2008, 08:11 PM
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Default Re: Poetry

Quote:
Originally Posted by iplaygc View Post
Uh, you don't need to be depressed to write good poetry. That's a ridiculous societal stigma. All you need to do is feel an emotion strong enough to make you want to write about it--or, lacking the emotion, just feel like writing. All you have to do to write poetry is sit down, pull it from the heart, and write it.

~IGC t DM+
Quote:
Originally Posted by Deathspector View Post
IGC is right. Poetry is an expression of deepest emotion, not a means by which depressed people write. Yes, I'll admit that in today's day and era there's a whole influx of depressing poetry, but poemsdo not have to be depressing.

Whatever happened to the good old days of love poems?

Deathspector
These guys are right. And since you wanted me to share my opinion of your poems, I will. Keep in mind I'm not much of a poet, though. <_< Comments will be in bold.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Guard13007 View Post
Confused
When I speak to you-
I get this feeling of voodoo,
I'm going insane-
Like acid in my brain.
So confused, was it us?
Or just dust...
I still don't know-
But I try not to show.

Deadly One
You, purfect purfection- "Perfect perfection" is redundant.
False fase-
Stinging purfume,
Poisonous kiss,
You sent me to hell-
Then dragged me back,
Just to kill me again-
And yet, I still lie at your feet.

Needless Needles
The numbingly painful tingle-
Of a thousand needles,
Each one a lie-
Sinking into me,
I deserve the pain-
For reasons I don't understand,
Now I am complete.

I'm not sure what you're trying to say. The needles are needless, but you deserve them? I'm guessing that you're the one lying, and the needles are a repentance. If that is the case, then I guess the last line makes sense.

Well, tell me if you like them or hate them and I might post more if I make more. I'm not emo, I just wrote these during a particually painful and depressing school year...

Here's two more.

False Friend
You, all you-
Ever did,
Is pretend-
Pretend,
To be my firend,
I see the light-
Of you're blight, "The light of your blight" is a sort of awkward phrase. I don't understand what you're going for."
Let it just end...

Yeah, there are quite a lot of line breaks here. They work sometimes, but there are some places where they are just unnecessary. Perhaps you should cut down on those.

Hell Girl
You blinded me,
With you're burning face-
I fell-
Head over heels. I looked up "head over heels." I found "Excited, and/or turning cartwheels to demonstrate one's excitement." You don't seem very excited here.
You shot me,
With your hellish glare-
I bleed, and stay by your side.
You poisoned me,
With your toxic laugh-
I'm slowly dieing-
Next to you...

Big Words
It's not euphoric,
It's deploring,
It's my exsistence,
Oh the irony, I don't see the irony here. Is the title "Big Words" referring to you trying to use big words?
You, nice person-
Cease cajoling me,
To keep going-
My jaded blight,
It's intricate. This word doesn't really fit here. If you're going for the fact that your life is complex, then intricate isn't a good synonym of complex to describe that.
My life-
Filled with dolor...

And I don't think this one is very good but I'll post it anyhow.

Flying Away
Why do I try?
When all I want-
Is to fly,
Fly away-
Form this day.
That's all I have to say, really. You have quite a few spelling errors, but that has nothing to do with it. Also, you might be using hyphens a little too much. Overall, I'd say your style is a bit cliched, but don't get discouraged. Keep writing, and eventually you'll develop your own style.
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Last edited by Poring; 09-04-2008 at 08:13 PM.
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  #11  
Old 09-04-2008, 11:40 PM
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Unhappy Re: Poetry

Quote:
Originally Posted by Poring View Post
These guys are right. And since you wanted me to share my opinion of your poems, I will. Keep in mind I'm not much of a poet, though. <_< Comments will be in bold.



That's all I have to say, really. You have quite a few spelling errors, but that has nothing to do with it. Also, you might be using hyphens a little too much. Overall, I'd say your style is a bit cliched, but don't get discouraged. Keep writing, and eventually you'll develop your own style.
Wow...Thanx I guess.

I read that while I was already sad by a bad day at school, and my workload is insane. I guess I'm not really good at this, I never really thought I was but I was curious with what people would have to say about it.

I have to say, so what if the title is redundant? It's just a title...

And as for the Needles one, it was meant to be confusing like that. As for 'the light of your blight' I mean how people say 'light' as in 'realization of something' and 'blight' the deffinition where I read it is 'destructive force'

'intricate' and 'irony' are the two whole reasons I didn't want to post that, I spent a long time trying to find a word that would fit for complex and sad but that was the best I found. And as for irony, I don't know what I was thinking when I put that because I know what it means. For some reason when I wrote it, it was like that.

'head over heels' I meant like how people say they've fallen 'head over heels' for someone. But then this is afterwards when it was realized as a mistake...Do you understand what I mean?

Cliched? Oh well, it's not like I'm trying to send these in to a publisher. And that's just my style, if you don't like it or think it's bad, then fine. It's just not your cup of tea.

And finally, I know poetry isn't all depressed but a lot of it that I've seen is. And again, that's just how I view it.

If you want to see good poetry, go here: Xenowave
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  #12  
Old 09-05-2008, 01:54 AM
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Default Re: Poetry

Quote:
Originally Posted by Guard13007 View Post
And finally, I know poetry isn't all depressed but a lot of it that I've seen is. And again, that's just how I view it.
I'm not saying that poetry can't be depressed; I'm saying that you don't have to be depressed to write it. ^.^;

What makes poetry poetry is... that it portrays overpowering emotions through words, the feelings given off by the writer's chosen words, and, above all, voice. That emotion can be anything from rib-cracking laughter to stifling melancholy--even depression. Everyone experiences moments that leave them high and dry, or glowing, or stuffed into themselves. Poetry is a form of relating those experiences through your own individual eyes and projecting it to other people in such a way that they gain just a smidgen of the original moment and translate it into their own mind.

What I'm trying to say: if you're truly writing from the heart, slapping something down on paper while it's new, vibrant, and untouched by over-thinking is no problem and can result in a strong, vivacious piece. But... you can also achieve an equally magnificent piece by waiting, looking back... letting everything sit without letting it stagnate--it'll have a different feel, sure, but be no less true. Depression, joy, hysteria--all of the more encompassing emotions can be written about years after the fact and still carry as much weight as if it sprouted just yesterday.

Anyways. Enough with the wanna-be inspirational speeches. ;P

The only way to get better at something is to do it, learn about it, and strive towards it. You should keep writing; don't ever stop. ^^' And BTW--redundancy can be a really good thing in poetry, if utilized properly. Plus, the meaning of every little thought doesn't have to be perfectly clear. It's a form of art that you can only develop by making it... you.

Ehm. This is why my friend drew me a picture of me ranting people to death and gave it to me for my birthday....

~IGC t DM+
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Last edited by Scourge of Amaranth; 09-05-2008 at 02:23 AM.
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  #13  
Old 09-05-2008, 02:12 AM
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Default Re: Poetry

Quote:
Originally Posted by Guard13007 View Post
Cliched? Oh well, it's not like I'm trying to send these in to a publisher. And that's just my style, if you don't like it or think it's bad, then fine. It's just not your cup of tea.

And finally, I know poetry isn't all depressed but a lot of it that I've seen is. And again, that's just how I view it.

If you want to see good poetry, go here: Xenowave
Alright, alright. I wouldn't be the one to judge your poetry, anyway. I looked over my little comments again, and I think I wrote them as if I was reviewing an essay rather than poems. <_<

Quote:
Originally Posted by iplaygc View Post
And BTW--redundancy can be a really good thing in poetry, if utilized properly. Plus, the meaning of every little thought doesn't have to be perfectly clear. It's a form of art that you can only develop by making it... you.

~IGC t DM+
Yeah, there you go. Listen to her.
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  #14  
Old 09-05-2008, 02:16 AM
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Talking Re: Poetry

Quote:
Originally Posted by iplaygc View Post


I'm not saying that poetry can't be depressed; I'm saying that you don't have to be depressed to write it. ^.^;

What makes poetry poetry is... that it portrays overpowering emotions through words, the feelings given off by the writer's chosen words, and, above all, voice. That emotion can be anything from rib-cracking laughter to stifling melancholy--even depression. Everyone experiences moments that leave them high and dry, or glowing, or stuffed into themselves. Poetry is a form of relating those experiences through your own individual eyes and projecting it to other people in such a way that they gain just a smidgen of the original moment and translate it into their own mind.

What I'm trying to say: if you're truly writing from the heart, slapping something down on paper while it's new, vibrant, and untouched by over-thinking is no problem and can result in a strong, vivacious piece. But... you can also achieve an equally magnificent piece by waiting, looking back... letting everything sit without letting it stagnate--it'll have a different feel, sure, but be no less true. Depression can be written about years after the fact and still carry as much weight as if it sprouted just yesterday.

Anyways. Enough with the wanna-be inspirational speeches. ;P

The only way to get better at something is to do it, learn about it, and strive towards it. You should keep writing; don't ever stop. ^^' And BTW--redundancy can be a really good thing in poetry, if utilized properly. Plus, the meaning of every little thought doesn't have to be perfectly clear. It's a form of art that you can only develop by making it... you.

Ehm. This is why my friend drew me a picture of me ranting people to death and gave it to me for my birthday....

~IGC t DM+
Heh, I have the same problem sometimes. And that wasn't wanna-be inspiration, it was good. But sadly, the only thing I'm writing now is what they make me, (darn teachers!) and my fanfic here. And I know that redundancy can be good and that everything doesn't have to be clear...

And I know that poetry doesn't have to be depressed or happy already. (freaking teachers have pounded it in to me!)
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  #15  
Old 09-05-2008, 02:20 AM
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Default Re: Poetry

xP Not to contradict you or anything, Poring. My semi-artist's fur was ruffled mildly, so I had to put my own bit of commentary in on that part. You can pull off pretty much anything in poetry, as long as you do it well. Repeating terms, words, and lines can be powerful emphasis.

And if something's meaning is there, but hidden, the reader is free to make up their own. Straight-forward isn't always the answer.

But yeah, funky things can be done with words. Experiment with that and look at how it makes your writing sound, and it'll help you learn how to put your thoughts forth in better terms. ^_^

@Guard: Sorry if it sounds like I'm patronizing you. >.>'' Don't mean to do it. I'm just a tad superior by nature, XD. I don't really have a right to give you poetry advice, because I don't write it. Ever.

~IGC t DM+
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Last edited by Scourge of Amaranth; 09-05-2008 at 02:22 AM.
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