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Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #1  
Old 10-04-2008, 02:30 PM
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Default The Eternal

Main Cast
Blue: A slightly evil ("Some people call me evil, some a petty mugging thief, but I say that I'm just a hero with no morality.) person, who is actually quite a talented trainer. He's very good at noticing the tiny things most people don't notice, and then uses them to give him a high advantage. He is especially good at using things he's learnt in the past to give his moves an edge. He is also now hitting me on the head repeatedly with a spanner for not making his cast overview longer. He was feared in his home, Sandgem Town for his constant thieving until he and his friends moved out and began their adventure.

Red: A psychic who absolutely despises psychic pokemon ("It's stereotypical to assume that all psychic people have psychic pokemon! Psychic pokemon SUCK!" "But Red, aren't you being stereotypical in the assumation that all psychic pokemon suck?" "Shut up Blue! Anyway, YOU'RE the one who's supposed to sort the world into unfair groups which decide what they're like!") but although that is kind of weird he's probably the only one who's most normal in the team. He's the guy who usually supports and comforts the team through thick and thin. He specialises in hitting hard, and then hitting harder. Red is usually pretty comforting, so Blue and Green turn to him when they're stressed.

Green: A renowned child prodigy at science and pokemon, this extremely talented trainer also happens to be an idiot. His exploits have gained him fame and a reputation for lunacy. He's famous in some reigons for his scientific breakthroughs, and in others for his flawless ability to ignore logic. He's travelled across the whole of Kanto with his tough little Wynaut and Bulbasaur. He's also escaped from the Kanto region asylum. He has even managed to defeat Team Rocket at the Battle for Two Island (He tried to give them a bit of advice on how to win the war. This is why the whole of Team Rocket ended up stone dead two minutes before the battle had actually started.). Although he probably uses uranium as a paperweight, he excels in cleverly defending attacks by repelling them harshly with his pokemon. This means that he is rarely hit, and if he does, simply hits back harder. Green infects people with his idiocy in his spare time. He met Red and Blue when he had moved to Sinnoh when he was eight, so he's known his best buddies for about three years.

Chapter 1

Roark looked down on his dirty, earth-covered shovel. His face was clammy with sweat, and his breaths were and short, but that didn't matter too much. The Obsidian was probably only a few feet under the ground now. He could feel the aura emanating from it.

Still, the work he was doing to get it was pretty wearing. The earth he was digging through was littered with all sorts of rocks and pebbles, and his work was also slowed down by the fact that his rust crusted shovel was slowly eroding and losing its quality, making it harder to dig. To add even more to his handicaps, occasionally he would hit a Geodude or two on the head with his shovel, and then get a long, boring complaint from the Geodude Preservation Society, who, Roark reasoned, were just a bunch of rock fanatic treehuggers, if there could be such a thing. Sure, Roark wanted the environment to be a good place to live in, but surely it was taking it a bit extreme to complain about every single damn blasted Geodude that just happened to get hit with a shovel?

But he was nearly there. He dug more, more, more, until his radar told him that he was so close we would have to gently dig it out with a scapel. He took it out from his mining bag, and gently nudged it ito the ground, edging it deeper till there was a small "Clank!" and scooped out the earth.

Underneath there was a rough edged obsidian. He had found the Eternal at last. The very stone that had stolen the lives of so many men.

However, he didn't have long to celebrate because as soon as he'd unearthed the stone, he heard some footsteps coming from further out the mine. He hastily hid the obsidian in his pocket, as the footsteps were coming nearer, and now he could hear the occupants' echoing voices.

"Why is everyone in this damn mine being so damn obsessed with mining? It's so boring in here, Red, there's hardly anything to do! Why did we come here anyway?"

"The man outside the mine told us that the Gym Leader was in here, remember?"

"Then why did the Gym Leader have to put himself in such a difficult place to get to?! It's just so damn inconvienient! He's a Gym Leader, he should be in a Gym!"

"Look, Blue, do you want to battle him or not? Besides, Oreburgh City is a mining town, they need as many people working down the mine as they can get, or they'll start to lose money and resources!"

"I don't care! This city needs-"
The last sentence was cut off by a third person.

"Hey, guys! I've just had a thought! How do all the miners mine in here?"

Roark heard one of the others sigh deeply, and in a manner which might suggest he'd been asked a lot of questions by this person, told him to use his head. The person who had asked the question immediately started hitting his head on the wall.

"Sigh... I didn't even need to use my powers to predict he was going to do that this time..."

"Hey! Red! I think we're at the end of the mine!"

The trainers moved past the sharp corner blocking them from view. Roark could now see what these strange people were. There was one with naturally blue hair, a coat, and a hat perched on the side of his head, looking like it was about to fall. He had a sort of menacing look, and also appeared to have lots of money stuffed into his coat pockets.

There was another one with wild red hair and a messed up scarf that was coming undone, which suggested in a kind of manner that the owner of both of these had one of those mad scientist looks. In fact, this person had quite a calm and relaxed stare, with a nice comforting smile.

The person who really did have a mad scientist look was the green haired one. He had ruffled hair, a scruffed up tie and collar, but the first thing you really noticed about him was his eyes. Those mad, staring eyes. A bit of a lunatic glare, in fact. Those eyes probably never blinked. A gaze like that must have taken quite a long time to master.

"Who are you? Are you the Gym Leader?" demanded the one with the hat, presumably called Blue on account of his blue hair. Not a very subtle pun, but neither did he look very subtle.

"Um, yes?" replied Roark cautiously to him. Blue had a look like he had just came out of a building after having robbed all the residents of all their money, and was now bored again.

Blue took a step foward. The two others, probably Red and Green, watched from the side of the wall, both with a strange fascination.
"I'm here to challenge you!" he said simply, then stepped back.
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Last edited by Arkis; 10-27-2008 at 07:24 PM. Reason: Not telling you. Har har.
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  #2  
Old 10-04-2008, 02:46 PM
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Default Re: The Eternal

You should space out your writing more, that's probably why nobody has read your story.

When you write like this in dialogue:

"Hi!"
"Hi, dude."
"Hi, everyone."
"Hello!"

It gets annoying and all blocked up. Try it like this:

"Sentence here"

"Sentence here"

Notice the space?
But good story. ;D
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  #3  
Old 10-04-2008, 03:18 PM
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Default Re: The Eternal

Woot! Someone said something! Ok, I'll get the writing fixed soon.
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  #4  
Old 10-05-2008, 11:04 AM
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Default Re: The Eternal

I like your writing style and it was pretty funny too. xD Just cos you don't get reviews doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. ^^

Quote:
The Obsidian was probably only a few feet under the ground now. He could feel the aura emanating from it now.
You probably don't need to use 'now' twice there. It kinda disrupts the flow.

Anyway, I like your story so far. Keep up the good work. =]
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  #5  
Old 10-05-2008, 11:39 AM
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Default Re: The Eternal

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pokemon Trainer Sarah View Post
I like your writing style and it was pretty funny too. xD Just cos you don't get reviews doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. ^^


You probably don't need to use 'now' twice there. It kinda disrupts the flow.

Anyway, I like your story so far. Keep up the good work. =]
its good but why did u name the characters red blue and green? make more imaginatiev names.
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  #6  
Old 10-05-2008, 02:14 PM
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Default Re: The Eternal

Wow! Thanks for the compliments! I've fixed all the faults so far, except for the bit about the naming of Red, Blue and Green. The reason why I did that is a very important one, Bouncypig, it's that... uh... I'm to lazy to think up something else?
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  #7  
Old 10-05-2008, 02:21 PM
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Default Re: The Eternal

Red, Blue, and Green's names really disturbed me too. You could have called Green "Kyouji", for example. (It derives from the Japanese word for 'lunatic', I believe, but you can use any other language too. :3) It sort of gives it that ring to it, you know?
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(vpp da)
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  #8  
Old 10-05-2008, 02:53 PM
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Default Re: The Eternal

Like calling Blue Kusemono (thief)? I would've done that except for the fact that I got their names from the manga (Pokemon Special/Adventures) and I really like that thing. Excellent idea though. Maybe I'll do that with future characters.

Last edited by Arkis; 10-05-2008 at 02:55 PM.
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  #9  
Old 10-05-2008, 03:18 PM
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Default Re: The Eternal

Or just Kuse or Mono. If you cut off some parts of the word, they sometimes sound better. x3
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"Wigglewigglewigglewigglewigglewigglewiggle."
~ World famous singing sensation, Stefan Gordy.

(For the longest time I was telling myself that I would come back to PE2K once I had something artsy and cool to contribute... but that's too much effort. GIRA IS BACK!)

(vpp da)
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  #10  
Old 10-05-2008, 03:44 PM
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Default Re: The Eternal

Thanks for the idea! I'm working hard on the next chapter, but I'd like to know if I should do battle like in the game (they take it in turns. Not very realistic, as you can see.) or use the kind like in the manga (like deflecting a rock throw with a twister attack to blow away the rocks). Personally, I think the last kind is better but what do you think?
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  #11  
Old 10-06-2008, 01:29 AM
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Default Re: The Eternal

I think it's best to be imaginative like in the anime/manga. ^^ If you think about it, the Pokemon wouldn't just stand there waiting for therir opponent's next attack.
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  #12  
Old 10-06-2008, 07:34 PM
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Default Re: The Eternal

Game-style battles are usually a bad idea. After all, a Primape wouldn't just stand there kicking around little rocks while it's opponent is thinking of a move for their Togepi to use, now would it? Anime/manga style battles are more often than not the best choice.
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"Wigglewigglewigglewigglewigglewigglewiggle."
~ World famous singing sensation, Stefan Gordy.

(For the longest time I was telling myself that I would come back to PE2K once I had something artsy and cool to contribute... but that's too much effort. GIRA IS BACK!)

(vpp da)
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  #13  
Old 10-12-2008, 02:17 PM
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Default Re: The Eternal

Sorry the new chapter was so late! I had to get a new router for my computer and it took AGES! [/B]


Chapter 2

Roark was forcing his gaze on Blue, in a desperate attempt to catch his eye, but Blue completely missed it as his full concentration was focused on a tiny bit on his mind that was worrying him. It was that tiny, glimmering object he had seen hastily shoved in Roark’s pocket when Blue had found him. He had to admit; it was fairly well hidden under all of that trash and rocks and bits of coal, but nothing ever escaped Blue’s ever seeing eyes. Blue had never even thought of wearing glasses. Glasses were so inferior in seeing to his eyes, that wearing them would probably blind him.

Roark finally gave up trying to catch Blue’s eye, and eventually shouted across the stadium to start the match. Blue blinked, banished away his thoughts, and quickly flung a pokeball into the arena. A bright red light escaped from the pokeball and solidified into a furry brown pokemon that jumped up, eager for its master’s command.

"Vee!" was the noise that came from Blue's jumping Eevee. Blue had called his Eevee Apple, not for cute and fluffy reasons, but namely as the first thing she had done when she had hatched was to push an apple up where the sun don't shine. Blue had mused over calling his Eevee Ass *coughs loudly to block out word* because of that incident, but had decided not to for various reasons, like the strange feeling of nausea he might get at the dinner table.
Blue had been hoping to get his pokemon out before Roark's so he could attack first, but Roark had been quick on the mark too. A Geodude was hurtling itself towards Apple with a Tackle attack before he could say a word.

"GEO!" The Geodude slammed into Apple. She screamed and thudded into a wall of the Gym, hitting it with a grimace.

Blue winced. It had looked pretty painful. Blue couldn't afford another direct hit like that again. "Apple! Sand Attack!" he commanded. She turned around and kicked some massive amounts of sand that appeared out of nowhere at the Geodude, causing it to be momentarily blinded. "Double it with a Bite!" he yelled again.

“Rock Smash, Geodude!” commanded Roark too.

Geodude flung itself towards Apple with its fist flailing wildly, but the sand had made its eyes clouded, and it completely missed, smashing into the wall next to her with a surprised, almost comical look on its face.

Apple quickly span round to face Geodude, rushed towards it, then smashed into it, trying to force everything to smack into her teeth, causing the Geodude to cringe. Eevee was up quickly in a few seconds while Geodude was still recovering from the hit.

“Quickly Apple! Iron Tail!"

The Eevee leaped up and brought her tail up high, ready for attack. It turned into metal and she whacked down into the Geodude, which was trying to cover its face in a half-hearted, usless attempt to protect itself.
"GEOO!!!" screamed the Geodude, and then hit the ground with a thunk. Green, Blue’s friend whom he had brought along in this adventure, quickly scrambled onto the pitch to check if it was unconcious. He did so by repeatedly thumping the Geodude into the wall. The wall became dented, but the Geodude still silent. Green stopped. "It's fainted," he called out.

"Hah!" Blue looked at Roark triumphantly. He shoved his hands in his coat pockets. "What are you gonna do now?"

Roark was silent for a few moments. He spoke. "That's only my first pokemon, Blue. I have two others, twice as strong. In fact, you're going to have to do a lot better than that pathetic performance you put up just now. A lot better."

Blue was taken aback momentarily, then hastily recomposed his features and yanked his hat firmly upon his head as it was falling down. He shoved his hands in his pockets again. A few useless looking bits of random paper were pushed out to make room for the hand and floated gently to the ground. Another unexplainable mannerism.

"What are you waiting for?" demanded Blue. "Are you gonna stare at me all day, or battle me?" His Eevee jumped up, eager to fight again. "Eevee! Vee!"

Roark slowly withdrew a pokeball from his pocket. "Blue? Are you ready?" he asked suddenly.

“Yeah,” said Blue. “So?”

Red nudged him in a warning manner. He told him quietly that he sensed a powerful pokemon next. Blue thanked him for the tip in a highly exaggerated sarcastic voice.

“Well, what’s your next pokemon? Get on with it!” said Blue impatiently.

Roark smiled. He dropped it into the arena. There was a sudden, blinding light, and the arena was lit with red.

It stopped suddenly. A bellow of dust came rising up. It eventually faded away, but the ominous presence within it didn’t. In there was the biggest monstrosity Blue, Green and Red had ever seen.

Onix.

Last edited by Arkis; 10-27-2008 at 08:24 PM. Reason: Insert Reason Here
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  #14  
Old 10-21-2008, 03:44 PM
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Lightbulb Re: The Eternal: Twilight Era

Hi! I'm Loq...sory, I mean Arkis's best friend! Arkis, you are good at writing fan fiction but please can I help you.
Ps.
Arkis, erase the bit about apple! call the eevee something else such as goofy! In fact don't bother. change the pokemon from being eevee to CHARIZARD (the best pokemon ever) and call it Fatalix!
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  #15  
Old 10-21-2008, 03:56 PM
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Lightbulb Re: The Eternal: Twilight Era

also I forgot to tell you that I want Red (the best 'cos he's based on me) to be called Fatalix. Maybe Fire fatalix.
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