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Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #16  
Old 09-23-2008, 01:29 AM
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Default Re: Star Wars: the Clone Wars (NOT movie based)

I wouldn't exactly call it flaming, but it is good to know that you've acknowledged the comments. To avoid confusion in future and the hassle of having to tell people you're going to get around to spellchecking it, it may be better to do that before posting it.

Anyway, sorry to have cluttered your thread with more babble. :)
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  #17  
Old 09-23-2008, 01:32 AM
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Default Re: Star Wars: the Clone Wars (NOT movie based)

Oh, dont worry about it. It's no problem. I'm about done with the first chapter. I'm going to try to keep up on both the hero's side and the villans side. My fan fic promises to differ from the clone wars movie released, and from the 2003 series, of which many of the seperatist commanders are based. I'll try to keep it origional. Thanks for takin a look at it.
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  #18  
Old 09-23-2008, 01:33 AM
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Default Re: Star Wars: the Clone Wars (NOT movie based)

You're more than welcome.

I'm afraid I'm not terribly well-versed in the source material, but I'll be keeping tabs on this to see how it develops. Good luck with it!
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  #19  
Old 09-23-2008, 01:55 AM
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Default Re: Star Wars: the Clone Wars (NOT movie based)

There we go, done. And spell checked xP
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  #20  
Old 09-24-2008, 12:10 AM
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Default Re: Star Wars: the Clone Wars (NOT movie based)

Sith Holorecording
Darth Sidious


Greetings. On behalf of my apprentice, Darth Vader, I am making a series of recordings on this device. Should you find this, lord Vader, know that I shall always have my eye on your motions. Now, on to the reason for this recording.

During the clone wars, I ran both sides of the war, both the Republic, and the Confederacy of independant systems. I had ordered Count Dooku, whom was my apprentice before Vader, to have a clone army made in the republics name. He was curious, but asked no questions. Dooku played his part well, but it was ironic that his death was nessecary. The look on his face...I shant forget it. I ordered the confederacy to take the outer rim worlds first, so as to ensure that plentyof resources could be taken. One of these worlds was Raxus Prime, a huge world with only one thing. Junk. Scrapped droids, derelect starships, detstroyed space stations, you can guess how this appeared. I sent my forces there, and subsequently sent the Jedi there as well. Dooku's acolyte, Asajj Ventress, lost her right hand in the battle that ensued, and fled. Dooku remained, and ordered all forces into an attack. I will let you figure out what the outcome of this battle was. These records are preserved in the memory core of the Death Star. Perhapse if you can find the holocron I hid on the planet Duribillon, I may provide more information...But, for the time, I leave you. Work must be done to finish the configuration of the second death star. I predict that it shall be destroyed. These records are also aboard my personal starship. Farewell, Sith aspirant, Perhapse we will meet in person...and you shall fall before me as you try to kill me.
-End Recording
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  #21  
Old 09-24-2008, 12:34 AM
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Default Re: Star Wars: the Clone Wars (NOT movie based)

1. A little more filler in between the dialogue would go a long way, as of now it's almost all people talking. Maybe this just happened to be a chatty chapter, but less of it would really improve it.
2. 2 spelling errors: It's "losing", not "loosing," (I say this because you did it twice), and it's spelled Dubrillion (which also happens to be a really big number).
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Dali: "I know what the picture should be ... We take a duck and put some dynamite in its derriere. When the duck explodes, I jump and you take the picture."
Halsman: "Don't forget that we are in America. We will be put in prison if we start exploding ducks."
Dali: "You're right. Let's take some cats and splash them with water."
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  #22  
Old 09-24-2008, 12:41 AM
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Default Re: Star Wars: the Clone Wars (NOT movie based)

=_= The recording things are just giving an insight. they're not giving anything to the stroy, and arent really related.
And mabey you just dont like seeing people talk. Thats just you. I happen to try to make my characters talk to convey emotions, instead of having the empty characters like in role playing games.

About the spelling of the planet, I didnt have the chance to look up the name, but I'll get to it eventually
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  #23  
Old 09-24-2008, 01:54 AM
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Default Re: Star Wars: the Clone Wars (NOT movie based)

I wasn't referring to the recording, that's all fine and dandy. But if you read published authors, they tend to have short bits of dialogue with bits of insight into why their characters respond the way they do, backstory explanations into some of the things they say, trains of thought on why they say the things they do, etc., and it really brings the story alive. I have no problem with large amounts of dialogue, just large amounts of PURE dialogue.

Sorry for being kinda tough here, but I calls them as I sees them.
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Dali: "I know what the picture should be ... We take a duck and put some dynamite in its derriere. When the duck explodes, I jump and you take the picture."
Halsman: "Don't forget that we are in America. We will be put in prison if we start exploding ducks."
Dali: "You're right. Let's take some cats and splash them with water."
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  #24  
Old 09-24-2008, 10:49 AM
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Default Re: Star Wars: the Clone Wars (NOT movie based)

*facehand*
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  #25  
Old 09-27-2008, 02:12 PM
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Default Re: Star Wars: the Clone Wars, Chapter 2 up

This chapters shorter than i'd like it to be, but I feel compelled to post it anyways.

Chapter 2: the droid sea.


The clones were horribly outnumbered, and they were low on weapons, but they fought, trying to keep the endless army of droids at bay. One of them had sent a message to Kenobi and Skywalker, but it would take time to break through the atmosphere and get to their position withought exploding from the heat of reentry. They kept up their fire, taking Separatist weapons that were laying around from their battle only minutes before.
The Separatists pressed forwards, unrealities in their march, almost as though they would walk over you if you didn’t stop them. Behind the battle droids, SBDs marched, and behind them, spider droids and Octuparra droids. The vastness of the droids army was almost unfathomable, as if the separatists had decided to send out all their droids at once. Count Dooku steepled his fingers, watching the hologram of his droid troops from the small artificial moon that orbited Raxus Prime. He frowned. A single starship was leaving. He knew it to be Asajj Ventress’s Ginivex starfighter. He opened a comm channel

“Asajj, where are you going?” He asked in his quiet, understated anger.
“Master, that Jedi cut my arm off, I must retreat!” Ventress snapped angrily. Her ship disappeared from the hologram image of the battle. LAAT/i ships were appearing from the Jedi Indirector-class starships, as well as Torrent starfighters, which were beginning to attack the Vulture Droids.


Anakin hit the ground before the gunship did, lightsaber blazing. He cut down droid after droid, moving swiftly. But, for every droid he cut down, two more took its place. He grunted in exertion, and used the force to push the droids over. They fell like dominoes, knocking each other over, until they reached the SBDs, who simply pushed the droids out of the way, still firing. A droid had come up behind Anakin while he wasn’t paying attention. The only thing he heard was a loud shot from a clone Deecee rifle. He looked behind him to see Commander Cody, back to back.
“Doing all right, General?” He asked, squeezing a shot into three oncoming droids.
“Just fine, Commander, yourself?” Anakin deflected a shot from an SBD back into it, and it toppled.
“Been better. Half my platoon is dead, and the other half exhausted.” Cody replied casually, smacking a droid in its fragile neck with the butt of his Deecee while reloading.
“Any idea what’s going on out there? Master?” He asked into the commlink on his wrist, slicing through droids with his blue saber.
His question was answered when Obi-Wan, riding a speeder bike, slashed through a line of droids before him. He was in his lancer armor, rather than his normal Jedi robes. He flashed a thumbs-up at Anakin, speeding off further into the thick of battle.

Commander Fado had seen about enough of these damned droids. He fired at them as much as he could from his position, squeezed inside a crevice between two junked ships. The droids were having trouble finding him. They marched right past his little alcove, and he shot each one when it walked past. Finally, a destroyer passed. It didn’t seem to notice him, and he wasn’t stupid enough to shoot at it. Not only would it waste ammo, but he couldn’t move around in the small area he was in, none the less avoid firing from those lasers.
“General Koro, I need assistance, ASAP. Destroyers are heading your way, general Skywalker.” He whispered into the built-in commlink in his helmet. He couldn’t do anything more. All of his legion was dead, aside from him. He only hoped someone would reach him in time.
“Copy that, Commander Fado, Over and out.” Anakin said through the comm channel. Fado sighed, and tried to get somewhat comfortable. It would be a long wait.


Sith Holorecording
Count Dooku/ Darth Tyranus


By the will of my master, I have been asked to give an account of the events of Raxus Prime. There is little to speak of that is not known, but I shall give you some finer details.
The Confederacy of Independent Systems wanted Raxus Prime for the use of its scrap metal. With it, we could make nearly endless ships and droids, despite our already endless number. We had mostly secured the area when the Republic arrived. I expected them to come, of course, and I’d asked Asajj Ventress to oversee operations, and eliminate any Jedi or Clones. Unfortunately for her, she deuled Anakin Skywalker. Skywalker was much too powerful for her. I must admit, I am impressed. I doubted the boy would beat Asajj. Not only did he disarm her, but he took her left hand. Ironic, as I took his right several months ago. I choose to end my recording now. I look forward to seeing the end of the Galactic Republic
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  #26  
Old 09-29-2008, 05:47 AM
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Default Re: Star Wars: the Clone Wars, Chapter 2 up

I likes Star Wars! ^^
And I like your interpretation so far too.
Love how you decided to pepper it with holo-recordings. It adds spice. XD I made a joke.
I keep checking in.
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  #27  
Old 09-29-2008, 10:42 PM
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Default Re: Star Wars: the Clone Wars, Chapter 2 up

Thanks, Kris (learned your name from Grassy) I thought that up myself, because you never seem to get any input from the sith lords or the clones. I'll start typing up chapter three soon, and I'm thinking of having a clone or something of that manner for the next holorecording
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  #28  
Old 09-30-2008, 09:54 PM
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Default Re: Star Wars: the Clone Wars, Chapter 2 up

Much better. *nods*
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Dali: "I know what the picture should be ... We take a duck and put some dynamite in its derriere. When the duck explodes, I jump and you take the picture."
Halsman: "Don't forget that we are in America. We will be put in prison if we start exploding ducks."
Dali: "You're right. Let's take some cats and splash them with water."
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  #29  
Old 09-30-2008, 11:31 PM
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Default Re: Star Wars: the Clone Wars, Chapter 2 up

lol xD I expected you to post in the next hour or so. Thanks.
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  #30  
Old 10-03-2008, 01:19 AM
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Default Re: Star Wars: the Clone Wars, Chapter 3 posted

Chapter Three: Dealing with a Hutt


The fighting still waged on, and Anakin was angry that they’d been tricked into drawing back so early. But, none of this was a problem halfway across the galaxy in the office of Chancellor Palpatine. As usual, Palpatine was sitting in his chair, behind his desk, and the Jedi masters, whom were master Yoda and master Windu, were on the other side.
“Chancellor, you can’t just not be interested in this war. The Jedi cannot serve you as generals.” Windu said. The man never appeared to be even marginally satisfied with his life.
“It’s not that I am uninterested, Master Windu, I just have no affinity for this war.”
“Neither do the Jedi, but we lead the clones despite the fact. You’d best start doing your job correctly, Chancellor, or the Jedi wont stand a chance in this war. We need faster hyperspace routs, and the only ones who have those are the Hutts.”
“Senseless, this bickering is.” Yoda interjected. “Argue, we must not, or be torn apart, we will. Work with the Chancellor, I will, to achieve the hyperspace routes from the Hutts. Better than sending young Skywalker, this is.” Windu nodded as Yoda concluded his small speech
“Yes, I have managed to raise contact with Zorba the Hutt, and he is open to negotiation. I think this would be an excellent chance to help Anakin face his own self.”
“Too risky, it is. If put off, the Hutts are, then little is the chance to obtain the hyperspace routes.” Yoda replied.
“Jedi affairs are not of your concern, Chancellor. I’d suggest you stay out of Jedi business.” Windu said, his fingers steeped
“Of course, Master Windu, I had no intention of interfering. Forgive me, but I have an appointment with other senators now. Good day to you, Master Yoda, Master Windu.” Palpatine said to the two Jedi. Yoda nodded, and started on his way out. Wind stayed a second longer, then continued on with Yoda. Palpatine waited until they had gone down the elevator, and donned the black robes of Darth Sidious. He activated the holographic communicator in his desk, and appeared before count Dooku.
“Count Dooku, I have a job for you. Zorba the Hutt is about to begin negotiation with the Jedi. I want you to speak with Zorba first. It is likely that he offers a challenge.”
“It will be done, my master.” Dooku said, and the hologram ended. Sidious took off his black robes, and assumed his role as Palpatine and sat as senator Bail Organa and Garm Bel Iblis entered. He greeted them, and began the discussion.


“I don’t trust the Chancellor.” Windu said to Yoda after they had gone a good ways away.
“Jump to conclusions, you should not. Navigate carefully, we must, if to survive this war, the Jedi are. Go to Mon Calamari, I will, to speak with Zorba. Take the clones, I shall not. Farewell for the moment, Master Windu.” Yoda said, boarding the gunship that belonged to his clones, so he could assume control of a Jedi Starfighter, and be on his way to negotiate. In the meantime, Windu had a job to do. He strode off, oblivious to the secret identity of Palpatine.


“Ahh, the Jedi. Palpatine told me to expect you soon.” Zorba greeted Yoda as he entered. Zorba was Jabba’s father. He had a white beard and white hair, with a bald top of his head. Zorba was looking at Yoda with curiosity.
“Greetings to you as well, Zorba. Come to conduct business with you, I have. The ability to travel your hyperspace routes the Republic needs.” Yoda bowed to Zorba before he spoke.
“Yes, the one before you asks the same thing. Bring in the separatist.” Zorba motioned to a droid, who went into a room and brought out Count Dooku. “I have a desire for you to fulfill. Whoever completes it first obtains my hyperspace routes. You must bring me the head of the smuggler Razo. Razo is a tendering who owes me a considerable sum of money. Bring him to me, dead or alive. I would prefer alive, for obvious reasons, but I will take him dead as well. Now, go.” Zorba motioned them out, chuckling. Someone else had dropped their goods. A spacer by the name of Han Solo. He had paid Zorba back, with interest. Razo had done nothing to Zorba, but he had offended the Hutt clan through his son, Jabba. Things were going well for the Hutt.


Anakin sighed. He was having an increasingly bad day. An ocean of droids to kill, and he was making an extremely small amount of progress with it. The Five-Oh-First were helping, but it was obvious that they’d need air support if they were going to get rid of these droids. No, Anakin wasn’t having a good day, and neither was R2-D2. The little astro droid was wanting to fly into battle, waiting for Anakin aboard the Delta-7 starfighter that was his. Artoo warbled and beeped excitedly as Anakin got into the cockpit, and fired up the ship
“All right, Artoo, we’re going. Hang on, Buddy!” He threw the starfighter into full throttle as soon as it got off the landing platform, and Artoo squealed in protest and slight fear at the thought of falling out at that velocity. He’d seen enough holovids to know that it never ended well for the droid.
“Don’t worry, Artoo, you’ll be fine. Just don’t let go, whatever you do.”
Artoo whistled that he knew that, and to just fly.
Anakin did just that, leading the Torrent starfighters into battle against the Vultures.

After a long dogfight with horde of Vultures, Anakin and the rest of the surviving Torrent fighters blasted the destroyers and Octuparras left, leaving a group of startled battle droids to drop their weapons and surrender immediately. In the distance, a single ship flew into hyperspace, not bothering to wait for anything. Dooku had escaped the Republic yet again.

“Anakin, I heard that Count Dooku fled yet again.” Palpatine said to Anakin through the holomesager that he was using.
“Yes, Chancellor, he got away, but Raxus Prime is the Republics world now. Master Windu should have notified Kazdan Paratus by now, I’m sure he’s on his way.”
“Yes, Anakin, about master Windu, I don’t think he trusts me. I believe he thinks I am some sort of dictator.”
“That’s nonsense, you’re a great leader, Chancellor.”
“Ah, Thank you Anakin, but it is of no great concern. I have something I wish for you to do. A young spacer named Han Solo has extended an offer to help the Republic in the war. He’s arranged a meeting in the Mos Eisley bar on Tatooine. If you could, meet with Mr. Solo and discuss his terms. That’s not a problem, Is it?”
“Of course not, Chancellor, I’ll get to it right away.” Anakin bowed
“I knew I could count on you, my boy. Thank you for taking the time to speak with me.” the Chancellor gave a bow himself, and closed the transmission feed.
The Independence was on its way to Tatooine.

Clone Holorecording
Five-Oh-First captain Rex


Did I like the battle of Raxus Prime? Let me ask you a question in return. What the hell is wrong with you? I was born to fight, sure, but in reality, all we clones really want to do is get it all over with so we can go….Well, I don’t know, whatever it is we want to do, I suppose. I don’t know. I personally would be fine just settling down and living out the rest of my life. But, I have a war to fight, so I’ll have to deal with it. I cant take any more time to do this, I’ve got to get back to my troops.
~End transmission
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