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Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #1  
Old 09-21-2008, 11:07 PM
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Default Star Wars: the Clone Wars, Chapter 5 posted

Ok, I've been putting this off too long. Here it is, the Clone Wars in all its glory. This will detail the battles between the episodes 2 and 3. A sequal may be produced detailing the events between episodes 3 and 4 if this is sucessful. These events will detail those of many different Jedi. We start by zoning in on General Kenobi and General Skywalker on the planet of Raxus Prime.


Prolouge: Raxus Prime

The sea of droids just would not stop. Thousands upon thousands of Droids, Seperatist and junk alike came at them. the clones were fighting just as hard, but the droids had overwhelming numbers. Clone commander Fado's troops kept firing
"Keep at it, Men, We'll get out of this yet! Damn it, General Koro, Where are you?" He squeezed the trigger on his DC-15 blaster rifel, emptying the clip into the sea of droids, as his men were doing. The Jedi master Koro Voras had gone into the thick of battle past this point, and they'd lost visual contact because of the huge piles of junk on this junk world.
"Commander Fado! We cant hold them! We need air support, and we need it now." the clone captain, Vereel, said over the comm channel, in the heat of battle with Blitz company, fighting the tinnies like they could win. It was a hopeless fight. They'd sent out a distress signal as their ship was crashing. Several AT-TE-All Terrain Tactical Enforcers- had survived, but none of the Torrents or ARC fighters. Three Atees lay burning, and two more were providing cover fire.

Over the fighting, Commander Fado heard the unmistakable drone of an LAAT/i drive. LOTS of LAAT/i drives. Air support had arrived
"Fall back, Men! Get inside the ship to avoid friendly fire!" He shouted, giving motions as his troops fled into the hull of the ship. the gunships guns flared as they flew overhead, searing through the battle droids. Blue armoured clones jumped from the ship, the Five-oh-first legion, led by General Anakin Skywalker. A brown-robed figure cae from the nearest LAAT/i, cutting down droids with his blazing blue lightsaber as the gunships seared through the swarm of Vulture fighters overhead. More troopers arrived, these in orange armour, led by General Obi-Wan Kenobi, the Two-Twelfth attack battalion. General Kenobi slashed his way to Fado

"Commander, Where's General Koro?" He asked, delfecting the shots of the battle droids as he spoke
"Sir, General Koro went towards the tempel over there. We lost contact as soon as the fighting began." He said, firing at the droids, his fighting spirit renewed by the arrival of the two Jedi. Obi-Wan nodded, and cut his way through the legions of droids, avoiding the fire of his men, and charging towards the tempel.



Well, what do you think?
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  #2  
Old 09-21-2008, 11:29 PM
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Default Re: Star Wars: the Clone Wars (NOT movie based)

Terrible.

For the love of God, do these two things:

A) more original concept for a story.
B) use a program that corrects all your spelling mistakes.

Seriously, "rifel"? "delfecting"? Just no.
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  #3  
Old 09-21-2008, 11:32 PM
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Default Re: Star Wars: the Clone Wars (NOT movie based)

it's good could use some work but it's good i should make a Fanfic i'm good at it i just never felt like making one
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  #4  
Old 09-21-2008, 11:32 PM
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Default Re: Star Wars: the Clone Wars (NOT movie based)

*shrug* Meh, I just needed to type something up. I didnt use anything but my semi-functional brain. Besides, thats just an intro. this has nothing to do with the events of the clone wars movie, as you will see further on.

Obi-Wan:.............

Anakin: For once, he's quiet. Finally, he's shocked into silence.

It's just an intro dude, more details will be added LATER! Actually, this is a bit longer than I intended for it to be...
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Old 09-21-2008, 11:35 PM
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Default Re: Star Wars: the Clone Wars (NOT movie based)

i agree but it's a good idea you should run with it but.. please use word
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  #6  
Old 09-21-2008, 11:36 PM
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Default Re: Star Wars: the Clone Wars (NOT movie based)

I dunno alot about star wars.
But so far so good :)
>.> I am confused because i know nothing of this. But i like it so far.
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Old 09-21-2008, 11:44 PM
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Default Re: Star Wars: the Clone Wars (NOT movie based)

Well, I read it, and although it's not really enough for me to give a good analysis on, here's my take on it:

1. Spell-check and preview post is your friend, either use Firefox or a program like Word to do your long posts.
2. Little more description would be nice, I think what was needed in the second half of that post was a good description of how Fado felt when reinforcements arrived. After all, clones aren't droids (or what would be the point of making them), they do have emotions, and some more of that would be nice.

At any rate, I still look forward to the next part.
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  #8  
Old 09-22-2008, 12:04 AM
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Default Re: Star Wars: the Clone Wars (NOT movie based)

once more, I. TYPED. THIS. IN. THE. POST. BOX. NOT. IN. WORD! B'
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  #9  
Old 09-22-2008, 12:27 AM
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Default Re: Star Wars: the Clone Wars (NOT movie based)

*cough* 7/10...Some mistakes though *cough*
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  #10  
Old 09-22-2008, 12:28 AM
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Default Re: Star Wars: the Clone Wars (NOT movie based)

Ok, for the third and final time, I DID NOT USE WORD IN TYPING THIS!

I know there are errors, because i've got a semi-functional brain in english class B'

But, thanks for at least taking the time to read it
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Old 09-22-2008, 12:29 AM
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Default Re: Star Wars: the Clone Wars (NOT movie based)

you are now welcome
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Old 09-22-2008, 01:09 AM
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Default Re: Star Wars: the Clone Wars (NOT movie based)

i dont really know that much about Star Wars. but it sounds really good so far, nice job. =)
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Old 09-22-2008, 11:18 AM
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Default Re: Star Wars: the Clone Wars (NOT movie based)

Ok, first chapter

Chapter One:
the battle of Raxus Prime

"Platoon! On me!" Anakin shouted, tapping his head as he gave the order. His troops formed up, and followed, heading to a better position for battle: On top of the half-destroyed starships. Anakin leapt to the top, and the clones used the grapple lines they'd already primed, ascending and firing at the same time. One of their grapple lines was shot, and the clone fell at the feet of a Destroyer, which emptied it's barrels into the trooper. The clone captain, Rex, fired a round into the destroyer when it started to move again. They reached the top.
"Rex, take Torrent company over onto that separatist ship. The rest of you, with me. Torrent company, Provide cover fire." Anakin told them
"I copy, Sir. Torrent Company! Move out!" Rex ordered, taking his company to where they could rappel up the wall of junk to the top to provide cover fire
"Just like the training modules back on Kamino, Eh Rex?" One of the clones said, one of the lutenants
"Almost exactly. Watch out for those vultures men, they're prone to try a suicide run!" Rex cautioned, ascending the wall with his troops until they reached the top. A gunship was waiting there, and clones were positioned from watch stations.
"Get into position. Ready, Aim, Fire! Wipe those droids out, I don’t want to see a single one standing!" Rex shouted, and started firing himself. His troops did the same, speaking to each other through the comm channels provided by he advanced helmet. They laid down streams of fire on the now-panicking droids

" Five-Oh-First! Move out! We're rescuing Master Koro." Anakin said, jumping from his position down to where the temple lay through the winding piles of junk and garbage
"Watch out, Men, We might have company..." He said as a large droid of questionable origin stomped out from where it was, blasters ready, and firing, taking down three clone troopers.
"Fire at will! Don’t let that thing hit you, take cover!" He blocked the incoming blaster bolts, and dashed to the droid. He slashed it with his lightsaber, and was astonished to find that the droid was made of Cortosis, and his lightsaber was practically useless against it. But every droid had to have joints and bolts. Anakin concentrated, and called upon the force, then used a powerful force pull to rip out the bolts holding the droid together. It wobbled for a moment, then fell apart. Anakin kept his lightsaber drawn, and motioned for his troops to form up far enough behind him to not be venerable if they ran into something-

They ran into SOMETHING all right. As they rounded the corner of junk and came to a clearing, they saw Master Koro, locked in a duel with the sith aspirant Asajj Ventress. Her two red lightsabers were locked with Koros green one.
"The dark side will not prevail, Ventress, Give up!" Koro said in his gruff voice. He was an old man with steel grey hair, and blazing green eyes, like his lightsaber. He wore the amour of a clone trooper, with his Jedi robes beneath showing.
"Shut up, Jedi!" Ventress shouted. She was a bald, grey skinned Rattataki wielding two red lightsabers, and eyes of almost pure white.
Koro broke the saber lock, and used a force-push on Ventress. She hit the wall, and there was a loud crack. Ventress still got up.
"Anakin! Help me!" Koro demanded, raising his lightsaber to block the onslaught of sith lightning coming at him. Anakin leapt into action, almost hitting Ventress, but she twirled and avoided it, cutting at him with her own lightsaber. Anakin blocked the slashes and returned his own.
Dont loose control.....She deserves this......
Why doesn’t she just give up?

Ventress broke his block and cut the mechanical arm. He cut Ventress's arm almost as quickly. She gave a gasp of pain, and looked at her severed arm, still twitching. Her eyes narrowed, and she force-pushed Anakin into the wall, as well as the clones and Koro, then leapt onto a fleeing Vulture droid, and was gone.
That doesn’t make sense....Why would she just run away? He wondered absently, turning to his troops
"Everyone all right back there?"
"A few bruises, and some enraged threats, but we'll live."
"Good. Lets get back to Obi-Wan, I’m sure he'd appreciate our help." Anakin reached for his commlink, and spoke into it
"Rex, you there? How are things holding up?"
"Not bad, General, the droids are retreating, but they cant get out because one go the vultures made a wall of junk come crashing down onto them. We've won, Sir, And, to top it all off, we only had a total of five KIAs. Not bad for a battle."
"Great. Get those gunships down to the battle sight, We've got to inform Kazdan Paratus about this place. He'd be able to build plenty of droids for the republic's use."
Rex was silent for a moment, speaking into his commlink to the pilots
"All done, Sir. We'll be waiting for you. Rex, out."
Anakin keyed in another frequency
"Master? How are things on your end?"
"Excellent, Anakin, excellent. We managed to capture their general, who also happens to be a senator. Apparently he decided the republic wasn’t good enough." Obi-Wan said through the comm channel. He was aboard the starship Independance already
"Also, you've got a message here. Chancellor Palpatine wants to speak with you." Obi-Wan sounded a bit suspicious, but didn’t say anything.
"All right, Master, I'm on my way." Anakin said. He'd been walking the whole time, and he boarded the gunship with Torrent company. The other troops got on board other ships. Many of them had taken off their helmets, and were talking to each other, discussing various things. Many of Torrent company were remarking on how low the KIA number was for their company. Most of the time, Anakin was lucky to come out with two cones in tact. He waited as Rex, master Koro, and commander Fado boarded. Fado had his helmet off, and was talking to Koro
"...So that’s what I think." He was saying
"Is that so, Commander?"
"Yes, Sir, I believe that."
"Then station the ARC troopers in strategic places just in case."
"What’s going on, Master Koro?" Anakin asked.
"Nothing, Anakin, Nothing. Pilot, lets get on board that ship, ASAP."
"Copy that, Sir. Lifting off....Grab onto something, we're getting bad turbulence." the pilot said. The gunship lurched, and lifted off. The gunship shook as it rose in the air, until it broke the atmosphere, and arrived at the Independance moments afterwards.

Anakin entered the hologram chamber. the blue, semi-solid hologram of Chancellor Palpatine smiled gently and greeted him.
"Anakin, my boy, it's been so long since you contacted me. A certain senator is worried about you, as well as I. How are you? Is the war faring well?"
"Hello, Chancellor Palpatine. I'm fine. The war's going good, and I’m still loosing most of my men."
Palpatine looked away for a moment and spoke to someone off the screen. He looked back
"Anakin, senator Amidalla would like to speak with you. She insists. She's just overpowered my guards and let herself in." He said, chuckling, then moved out of the way. Padme Amidala stepped into the image.
"Hello, Senator." He said, and gave a slight bow, keeping eye contact
"General Skywalker. How is General Kenobi? Neither of you are hurt, are you?"
"We're fine, Senator, just business as usual." He smiled. He had to go soon. He heard the Chancellor say something, and Padme nodded, and stepped aside. Palpatine stepped back into view.
"I understand that you're very busy on Raxus Prime. I'll let Kazdan Paratus know that the world's secure so he can start construction projects. Thank you for your time, my boy. Feel free to open a communications line any time you wish. Farewell."



He heard it. The unrelenting sound of droid feet marching. And the sound of spider droids.
"Sir! Droids! Coming in from the southeast! there’s millions of them!" the scout shouted from his post. Millions of SBDs, Battle Droids, Spider Droids, Crab Droids, and Destroyers were heading their way.
"Get ready, Men. Call the generals, we'll need all the help we can get."
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Last edited by Dr Robotnik; 09-23-2008 at 12:54 AM.
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  #14  
Old 09-22-2008, 10:55 PM
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Default Re: Star Wars: the Clone Wars (NOT movie based)

I'll reserve rating until this is finished, but I will say one thing; when people advise you to write something in Word, metal sonic, they do so for a reason. Telling everyone that you didn't type something up in Word or a program with a spellchecker does not exempt you from that being a beneficial option. If anything the opposite is true; it's an area where you could improve upon your writing.

Not all criticism is constructive but - with the exception perhaps of ReclusiveDemon's rather curt reply (though his points are still valid!) - every piece of criticism you have received here has been.

It would be wise to take this on board.
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Old 09-23-2008, 12:20 AM
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Default Re: Star Wars: the Clone Wars (NOT movie based)

B' I stated it to quit people from flaming about my spelling errors that i WILL correct before i'm done. I type stuff up, then run it through word. I was typing this earlier today, but I had to go to school. I'll get to the finishing and spell check in a bit.
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