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Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #1  
Old 09-02-2008, 03:55 PM
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Default Big Apples Taste Good [12+]

Big Apples Taste Good

Introduction


Well, here it is. My first ever FanFic on PE2k. Don't expect it to be amazing, I got a C+ in my English Exam and my other Fanfic failed miserably...

I'm not one for writing really long chapters, ok?

Well, anyway, I hope you reveiw this Fanfic of mine. And don't forget to be nice, thanks...

Oh yeah, this is rated 12+ because there will be swearing and stuff.

Rules

Hooray, rules! Well, basically don't spam, double post, swear... You know, the normal stuff.

Oh yeah, feel free to give crits about the Fic, but do it nicely.

Chapters

Prologue
Chapter 1

Chapter 2
Each chapter [including the prologue, will get it's own post.

FAQ

Q: Where did you get your insparation?

A: Stuff. This was inspired when I found a Big Apple in PMD2.

Want to ask a question? PM or AIM me!
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Last edited by Daughter of Mew; 09-05-2008 at 04:11 PM.
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  #2  
Old 09-02-2008, 03:56 PM
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Default Re: Big Apples Taste Good [12+]

Prologue

As I looked at the sky, seeing the stars twinkle, I used to wonder whether there could be other worlds out there. My teammates, a Weavile called Sally and a Lucario called Ross, say that I'm crazy to wonder about such things. I just ignore them, or reply, "Can't a Quagsire think?"


I sometimes thought about what they might look like. They might be like us, with lots of forms, or maybe not. Maybe they can't use attacks, and use weapons a lot more than us. Maybe I could meet them one day...
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Last edited by Daughter of Mew; 09-02-2008 at 06:13 PM.
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  #3  
Old 09-02-2008, 03:57 PM
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Default Re: Big Apples Taste Good [12+]

Chapter 1

I looked up at the large rock jutting out above me, and smiled. I always enjoyed my visits to Sharpedo Bluff, especially when I had a picnic. Sally, looked at me and grinned.

"You're always eating. Look at you, you won't leave those Blue Gummis alone!" She laughed.

"I'm a growing Quagsire!" I replied after swallowing my mouthful.

"Yeah, but you act like there'll always be food..."

I grinned at her, and, while her mouth stayed neutral, I could see her eyes smiling behind her red-framed glasses.

"Come on, it's not like there'll be no food for the rest of the year. We can always go to Apple Woods if things get bad!" I reminded her.

"I suppose..." She admitted, starting to bite into an apple.

"You know what?" Ross suddenly said thoughtfully.

"What?" I asked him.

"Big Apples taste good." He replied.

"What's that got to do with anything?!" Sally exclaimed.

"Dunno, I just wanted to say it..." Ross murmered back.

I smiled. That's us, the "Randomest Rescue Team at the moment". Just because we're not with the Guild...


That night, I couldn't sleep properly. I kept twisting and turning in my bed, constantly figiting. I kept seeing swirls of dark blues, purples, reds and blacks in my dreams, and I felt like the bed was moving from underneath me. Pressure was crushing my chest, I could barely breathe...

Then all went dark and quiet. I got up, and looked around. Black, empty space filled the air around me. I could see nothing, yet something near me smelled horrible. Suddenly, I heard a low rumble and a light appeared in front of me. The light then split into two, and the rumble slowly turned into a roar. I darted out the way, just as a white box-like thing screeched to a halt right where I was standing. A figure emerged out of it, and came over to me.

"Are you crazy?!? Why were you in the middle of the road like that?!?" The figure asked. I was speechless. I had never seen such a thing as this.


The figure's face was illuminated by the two beams of light protruding out of the box. It looked like a pinkish Hitmonchan, but I knew it wasn't. It seemed to have a strange black cap on it's head.

"Where am I?" I asked, my whole body shaking in fear.

"East 32nd Street." He replied

"Where's that?"

"New York."

"What's New York?"

"The city you're standing in right now. That's not a local accent, what is it? English or something?"

"What? I don't get it..."

"Where are you from?"

"Oh! I'm from End Lake, but I live in Treasure Town near Sharpedo Bluff!"

"Right... I think I should take you to the station. I think we might need to ask you some questions, so get in the car please."

"The car? What's a car?"

"Erm... The box on wheels."

"Oh... Ok then..."
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Last edited by Daughter of Mew; 09-02-2008 at 06:13 PM.
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  #4  
Old 09-02-2008, 05:44 PM
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Default Re: Big Apples Taste Good [12+]

It's like PMD in reverse!

I like the idea and the story so far and I didn't pick up any spelling/grammar mistakes.

HOWEVER.

For readability, please don't center your text or change the colour or size. I copied and pasted it into my text editor to read it. Your first post as it is, fine. Posting anywhere else on the forum, fine. It might make your chapters look pretty, but it just makes reading fanfics really, really hard.

Also, you might want to use extra line breaks between each paragraph, because that helps too.

I wish you well with the story and I'll follow it =)
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  #5  
Old 09-02-2008, 05:57 PM
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Default Re: Big Apples Taste Good [12+]

This is pretty good so far. I'd have to say to press Enter twice when a new person speeks, like this.

"I like jam," said Sam.

"I like Cheese," said Louise.

Notice the gap between the two sentences? It makes it a lot easier to read.
But other than that, it is great. ^^
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  #6  
Old 09-02-2008, 06:15 PM
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Default Re: Big Apples Taste Good [12+]

Thanks for the comments, I used what you said to make the layout better! ^^;;

I'll start working on Chapter 2 when I finish some stuff I have to do...
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  #7  
Old 09-02-2008, 06:33 PM
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Default Re: Big Apples Taste Good [12+]

I like the story, loved how its PMD in reverse ^.^
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Old 09-02-2008, 08:19 PM
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Default Re: Big Apples Taste Good [12+]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Daughter of Mew View Post
Thanks for the comments, I used what you said to make the layout better! ^^;;

I'll start working on Chapter 2 when I finish some stuff I have to do...
That looks much better =) thanks for taking that on board! Most people ignore that suggestion.

Looking forward to your next chapter!
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  #9  
Old 09-05-2008, 04:10 PM
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Default Re: Big Apples Taste Good [12+]

Chapter 2

Sally burst into Ross' room. She stared in awe as he just kept snoring.

"Ross! WAKE UP!" She shouted.

"Wha?" Ross groaned sleepily.

"It's Bethan! She's gone!"

"What? What do you mean she's gone?"

"Well, she's not in her bed, she's not outside, not anywhere! She's left no note or anything. I don't get it, where would she go?"

"How would I know?" Ross asked, still half asleep.

"She's your sister!" Sally replied.

"It's not like her to go somewhere without telling us..."

"God, she can be such an idiot!"

"Don't say that, what if she was kidnapped? Then how would you feel? Listen, we've got to go to the Guild. I'm pretty sure that they can help us, maybe get another rescue team to help us search for her. Come on." And with that, he strode out of the room. Sally just stood there for a moment, before rushing to catch up with him.



As I sat there, in the back of the man's "car", I couldn't help but wonder what was happening. I was in New York, I knew that much, but where was New York? And who was this guy driving the car? In fact, where were we going?

That's when I realised it, as I was staring out of the window: My reflection was different.

From what I could see, I had pink skin like the car man, but I didn't look like him. I had light brown hair coming down to my lower back, and bright blue eyes that were sparkling as we went past the lights outside. I was wearing a light blue t-shirt, and darker blue jeans. Wait... jeans? Where'd that come from? I knew what t-shirts were, some of the Pokemon back home wore them, but not jeans. Maybe when I got changed into this... thing, I got extra knowledge?

Shortly after my discovery, we stopped at a huge building. It was built from stones and metal instead of wood and mud. All the buildings were. I remembered about back home, where only the richest Pokemon have stone houses.

Home.

"Oh God..." I murmered under my breath, as I realised that Sally and Ross must be wondering where I was, missing me...

"Hey, come here!" The car man called to me. I snapped out of my memories and scrambled out of the car.

"What are we doing here?" I asked him.

"Come in, I just need to help you answer a few questions. Then we'll try and get you home."

"Ok then..." I said, reluctantly as he started to lead me through the building to a small room at the back. All the time I was watching all around me, curiously yet cautiously.



He sat me down on a chair, and pulled over a chair for himself. I was scared, but I really wanted to go home.

"First of all, you never told me your name. What is it?" He asked.

"Erm... Bethan. Bethan Abliti." I replied hesitantly.

"Well, Bethan, I'm Fred. I need to ask you these questions to help us. We're going to try and get you home, don't worry."

"Erm, ok then..."

"So, where do you live?"

"On the outskirts of Treasure Town, near Sharpedo Bluff."

"Right... where's that again? England?"

"I don't know..."

"Ah, that might be a slight problem. Do you have any family?"

"I have a brother called Ross."

"Ok then. One last question: Where were you before you woke up?"

"I was in my bed..."

"Oh. Well, you're going to have to stay here for a while untill we sort things out. You know, we have to search through records and stuff. I'll sort you out a room, ok?"

"Ok then." And with that, Fred walked out of the room.
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Last edited by Daughter of Mew; 09-06-2008 at 03:13 PM.
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Old 09-05-2008, 08:31 PM
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Default Re: Big Apples Taste Good [12+]

Ooh, try to stay away from Rockefeller Center... O_o

What's she going to do now? PMD in reverse is confusing. @_@
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Old 09-05-2008, 09:39 PM
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Default Re: Big Apples Taste Good [12+]

Hahaha, very very good idea. A nice, quick, fun read!
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Old 09-06-2008, 12:18 PM
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Default Re: Big Apples Taste Good [12+]

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Originally Posted by Hoshika View Post
Ooh, try to stay away from Rockefeller Center... O_o

What's she going to do now? PMD in reverse is confusing. @_@
It's more confusing for me because I've never been to New York, or even any part of America...

Quote:
Originally Posted by X 4 View Post
Hahaha, very very good idea. A nice, quick, fun read!
I'm glad you like it! :D
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Old 09-06-2008, 02:58 PM
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Default Re: Big Apples Taste Good [12+]

If you want help, I can certainly give it - I live near NY, and have been there a few times. :3

But this is shaping up to be an interesting little plotline. Try using the more proper word 'okay' instead of 'Ok', maybe it's just a pet peeve but that sort of puts me off a bit. How does a Quagsire-turned-human know what jeans are? Do they have them in her their universe? Think about this before you try to describe articles of clothing. Also, Arceus is the Pokemon's God.

I have a lot of Pokemon fic pet peeves, but thinking about these points make your story sound a little more interesting and realistic. Congrats on using an under-usued main character, though. That was a good idea and makes the story stand out a little better.
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Last edited by Giratina; 09-06-2008 at 03:05 PM.
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Old 09-06-2008, 03:10 PM
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Default Re: Big Apples Taste Good [12+]

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Originally Posted by Ninja Ralts View Post
If you want help, I can certainly give it - I live near NY, and have been there a few times. :3

But this is shaping up to be an interesting little plotline. Try using the more proper word 'okay' instead of 'Ok', maybe it's just a pet peeve but that sort of puts me off a bit. How does a Quagsire-turned-human know what jeans are? Do they have them in her their universe? Think about this before you try to describe articles of clothing. Also, Arceus is the Pokemon's God.

I have a lot of Pokemon fic pet peeves, but thinking about these points make your story sound a little more interesting. Congrats on using an under-usued main character, though. That was a good idea and makes the story stand out a little better.
Thanks for the advise! ^^

I know about Arceus, but what do you think they call it? I think they call it God instead of Arceus.

I always thought that Pokemon wore clothes, I don't know why. I guess that the concept of Pokemon being naked sorta freaks me out. That, or it's because Hitmonchan wears a tunic, Kirlia a tutu, ect. ^^;;

Quagsire has been my favourite Pokemon since when the Metal series came out. I nearly always use it!

EDIT: And don't worry about the NY stuff, I know someone who lives in NY. ^^
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Last edited by Daughter of Mew; 09-06-2008 at 03:14 PM.
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Old 09-06-2008, 03:17 PM
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Default Re: Big Apples Taste Good [12+]

I sort of see it as a little thingy of respect if they refer to it as 'Arceus'. Plus, saying 'HOLY ARCEUS CRUD!' is way more fun. ^^

Some Pokemon do, but that's really their natural form, isn't it? I personally think scarves are the extent a Pokemon knows in terms of human clothing.

Oh, and you're welcome. I honestly couldn't see anything non-New Yorkish about it so far. Nice job overall.
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