Member List
Calendar
F.A.Q.
Search
Log Out
Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000  
 

Go Back   Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000 » Interactive Boards » Creative Writing

Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 05-15-2010, 06:37 AM
Acario Offline
New Trainer
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 9
Default End of the Rebellion

My first Fan-Fic Ever! (well, about Pokemon that is...)

End of the Rebellion: Acario’s story

CHAPTER 1
A Gloomier Region
VEIWPOINT: DRATINI
………………………

I really hate Jatilisan. Why? Cause it sucks.
Jatilisan is the name of the region I’M in. Not from, in.
This region contains 490 species of Pokemon, excluding my evolutionary chain. But I don’t hate it because of that though, noooo… I hate it because of the fact that most Pokemon are scared to come out of their homes, and it’s a sight to se a Ferligator cowering in fear.
They’re scared because of the Rebellion, now called the A.F.T.A, which stands for the Annihilation For Trainers Association. See, years ago, a Mewtwo under the training of a trainer from Kanto, named Red, rebelled against it‘s master, killing him in cold blood. It then realized that it’s Poke-ball, a bright purple one with an M on it, disappeared! It became a free Pokemon again! It, along with its master’s team, went on a crusade, killing Pokemon Trainers and recruiting their Pokemon to the Rebellion. Some Pokemon tried to escape, not wanting to join the madness and kill innocent people. Most of those Pokemon, heroic as they were, were brutally slaughtered by the Rebellion. From this day on, the Rebellion is still searching for survivors.
The Rebellion allows wild Pokemon to roam free, for the point of their crusade was to free all the regions Pokemon, but the ones in hiding believe it may not be that way for long. I roam around, looking for surviving trainers to catch me so I can have a part in Mewtwo's downfall, though I’ve had no success.
I HATE them! I just wanted to scream! And so I did, and it wasn’t a scream like "DRATINI!!!" Like it would have been back in Kanto, no. It was a human scream, like "AAARGH!!!!"
All Pokemon in Jatilisan can talk, and there is two rumors to how that happened. One, A Pokemon named Arceus blessed this land and all the Pokemon in it. Two, A talking Meowth and two humans wearing Rs on their shirts landed here, taught some Pokemon to talk, and the ability spread, later a Jirachi supposedly blessed the land so any Pokemon that enters suddenly gains the ability to speak. I believe in the first, who ever heard of a talking Meowth that isn't from here?
So I kept waiting, waiting for the impossible to happen, for a trainer to come, Poke-ball in hand.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 05-15-2010, 07:34 AM
Teddiursa of the Sky's Avatar
Teddiursa of the Sky Offline
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Terseland.
Posts: 3,068
Send a message via Skype™ to Teddiursa of the Sky
Default Re: End of the Rebellion

This is amazing! The only thing you need is description (I know this is like a prologue like thing). I lack in description and am trying improve in it. Great job! Hope this becomes a series to remember!
__________________
Latest Test/Work in Production:
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 05-15-2010, 12:08 PM
Acario Offline
New Trainer
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 9
Default Re: End of the Rebellion

Thank you! I don't know why, but I think everything I write is bad...
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 05-15-2010, 12:52 PM
Acario Offline
New Trainer
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 9
Default Re: End of the Rebellion

CHAPTER 2
Acario Starts
VEIWPOINT: ACARIO
………………………

I want to fight my way out of this town, just to escape. But the problem with that is, I'd die trying.
Kulano Village is where I'm at, and I should of known they'd find me soon enough. This Village is surrounded by Aggron, and everyone is cowering for fear.
Except me.
I come from a tough background. My father, Riley (Here's a resemblance: "Riley-Riolu" "Acario-Lucario") came from Sinnoh after training so much, he completly leveled up every Pokemon he had. He later moved here just to embark on a new adventure.
A few years ago, he dissapeared, and I was told he was killed by an Aggron.
Imagine that, now there are 20 or so coming to the village to get me.
Why are they coming for me? I keep breaking the "Barrier Rules" set by Mewtwo, leader of the Rebe- Oh, I'm sorry, A.F.T.A. Anyways these Barrier Rules state that no human can leave the city it is currently in without A.F.T.A escort or they will slaughter you and everyone you care for.
That is why they come here now. To slaughter me and everyone I care for. Luckily I don't care for anybody in this damned place.
I ran into the storage shed that I keep my stash in. I rummaged around till I found it. A Pokedex, a Black Flute, a White Flute, 6 Ultra-balls, a Bicycle, and 6 Max Potions.
Nobody knew I had these, I got them from a destroyed town up north whose only inhabitants were trainers. Who knew what happened to it.
These objects were banned. They were considered "Rebelious and unnecessary" by Mewtwo. Funny, Rebellious? You're the Rebellion...
I took my time and snuck out. The Aggron had just passed village borders. I got on the bike and blew the black flute. The Aggron were instantly alerted to my position.
"I'M GOING TO RIP YOU APART, LITTLE WELP!!!!" One yelled, and then he rushed towards me.
Instantly he was repelled from me, like there was a barrier around me. Hmmm... I thought the flute just made them avoid me...
I kicked the bike into third gear. I flew by the town, knocking Aggron over like bowling pins. I didn't stop riding until the village was a black spot in my view.
"Well done!" said a watching Chatot.
And thus began my journey as a trainer.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 05-17-2010, 09:56 PM
Kendo's Avatar
Kendo Offline
Elite Trainer (Level 1)
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,792
Send a message via AIM to Kendo
Default Re: End of the Rebellion

Adding on to what TitaniumAnimations said, the plot has a great set-up for an intense story. The story really looks like it'll go somewhere. However, to critique on some things...

- It's short. For two chapters, this is short. Maybe you could combine these two as a prologue, since they explain the main premise and don't quite tie in the two main characters? To lengthen them, you gotta have...

- DESCRIPTION, YO. Mostly in Chapter 2. Is the village run-down? I hope that Chatot wasn't sarcastic. What exactly is the Aggrons' domain? Did Acario somehow leave the village before the same way, and if so, to do what kinds of things? Has Acario had any relationship with her father? What do the other villagers think of her? Courageous? Rapscallion-y?

- Lastly, little grammatical things. The spelling is perfect, don't worry about that. Grammar's a bit harder...

-- If you're referring to the Pokemon of a region, say "region's Pokemon", not "regions Pokemon", referring to a plural in a not-correct way.
-- Some sentences are connected oddly. "Two, A talking Meowth and two humans wearing Rs on their shirts landed here, taught some Pokemon to talk, and the ability spread, later a Jirachi supposedly blessed the land so any Pokemon that enters suddenly gains the ability to speak." is a ve-he-he-HEry long sentence. Let's edit it some...
"Two: a talking Meowth and two humans wearing Rs on their shirts landed here, taught some Pokemon to talk, and the ability spread. Later a Jirachi supposedly blessed the land so any Pokemon that enters suddenly gains the ability to speak."
A sentence made up of two not-good-together sentences isn't good. There's a few other instances of this in the first chapter as well.
-- "Rebelled against it's master" would be "against its master". Remember that its is possessive, and it's means "it is".

And...that's about it. Lengthen/combine/whatever these two chapters and keep it up, man.
__________________
A very dumb story. Go read it.
~Kendo
Join my RPG...
IT'S NOT VALENTINE'S DAY.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 05-17-2010, 11:01 PM
Lusankya's Avatar
Lusankya Offline
Deus ex Crucio
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,687
Default Re: End of the Rebellion

As a bit of advice for posting on forums: double space between paragraphs. Since we can't indent here, it's the best way to paragraph your story and make it easier to read.
__________________

Art Gallery
Dali: "I know what the picture should be ... We take a duck and put some dynamite in its derriere. When the duck explodes, I jump and you take the picture."
Halsman: "Don't forget that we are in America. We will be put in prison if we start exploding ducks."
Dali: "You're right. Let's take some cats and splash them with water."
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 05-31-2010, 06:06 PM
Acario Offline
New Trainer
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 9
Default Re: End of the Rebellion

thanks for the advice!
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 05-31-2010, 07:38 PM
Acario Offline
New Trainer
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 9
Default Re: End of the Rebellion

Chapter 3
Dream or Reality? Is it too good to be true?
………………………

VIEWPOINT: DRATINI

A shivering Charizard. A Furret playing possum. that can only mean one thing. A.F.T.A troops are checking up on their domain. AARGH!!! Just looking at those troops make my rage boil up!
They always torture, taunt, enslave, and even murder their citizens! They're breaking their own laws! No one stands up to them, even though some of them want to.
You know what? I'm going to change that...
Oh! And what perfect timing! Here they come now!
An Aggron, (the entire Aggron population joined the rebellion, even the wild ones. They despise humans. Mewtwo uses them to kill lawbreakers.) an Aerodactyl, (less common) and an Exploud came into sight. They snickered at the sight of me being in the middle of their way with an angry and accusing look in my eyes.
"Pipsqueak, you have no idea who you're messing with." The Aggron said, an amused tone in his voice
Pipsqueak? they have no idea who they're messing with! I had trained myself in case I had to defend myself in an ambush, and I could easily defend myself from these three!
I charged, jumped, and wrapped my tail around the Aerodactyl. It screamed, and the Aggron's hand glowed and it tried to punch me. I jumped off the Aerodactyl, and the Aggron ended up punching it. I shot a fireball at the Aerodactyl while it was distracted, and it flew backwards, knocked out cold.
The Aggron charged at me, screaming. and a wave of electricity shot from my mouth, paralyzing it. I left it alone for now, for the Exploud had opened it's mouth, and it's pores were sticking up straight. I had enough experience to know that wasn't good.
I spun around in a circle and moved around at blinding speed. It kept shooting ear-shattering soundwaves at me while I was slithering around, evading them all.
"STOP MOVING!!!" It yelled.
"Try and stop me!" I yelled back.
It screeched very loudly, and I felt dazed and confused. Next thing I knew was a blinding pain and I was in its jaws.
"Just did." It said mockingly. A yellow ball appeared in it's mouth, I knew it was using Hyper Beam, and I knew I was done for.
I heard a flute blow, a human cry, and a bike riding by, and then I was on the ground.

VIEWPOINT: ACARIO

I ran to the scene when I heard an Aggron scream. I figured that a Pokemon that would stand a chance against an Aggron would be willing to be a Pokemon of mine, For we'd both hate the A.F.T.A.
I ran there, and a huge smile on my face appeared when I found out what was happening. A Dratini was running around at a blinding speed, an Exploud using Hyper Voice over and over trying to get it. An Aggron was twitching, paralyzed, and a third body was crumpled on the ground.
"STOP MOVING!!!" It yelled
" Try and stop me!" The Dratini yelled back.
I was tempted to roll on the ground laughing, for he (or at least I think it was a he) was exactly like me! but I paid attention again when the Dratini was in its jaws.
"Just did." It said, and a Hyper Beam started in its mouth.
I knew I had to intervene, for the punishment for attacking A.F.T.A officers was death by overuse of the move Guillotine. That, I didn't want to happen.
So I blew my Black Flute, screamed, and charged. The Exploud was repelled from the invisible sheild that surrounded me, the Hyper Beam stopping, the grip around the Dratini loosening. The Dratini dropped from it's jaws, and before I had time to help it up, it used Twister on the Exploud, blowing it away.
He quickly knocked it out. Then the Aggron recovered and charged at him, It was paralyzed again within a second. Instead of knocking it out, he turned towards me.
"Who are you, girl?" He said, looking straight at at me, examining my every feature.
"I? I am Acario. I am 15, I am from a human villiage that I despise, and I desperately want to become a trainer so I can bring down the A.F.T.A."
At this there was a sparkle in his eye, and he looked straight into my eyes.
"Then catch me!" He said, with longing. "Catch me and we'll raise a team that will bring back the Trainers!"
I was suddenly eager. I pulled out a Poke-ball, and held it out to him, opening it slowly.
He disappeared in a beam of red light.
It rocked once, twice, thrice, and then sparks came out of it. I had caught my first Pokemon, and it was a good one!

Last edited by Acario; 05-31-2010 at 07:41 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 06-02-2010, 07:05 PM
Teddiursa of the Sky's Avatar
Teddiursa of the Sky Offline
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Terseland.
Posts: 3,068
Send a message via Skype™ to Teddiursa of the Sky
Default Re: End of the Rebellion

You are improving! Excellent! Yet your chapters definitely need to be even longerer, lol. Your grammar is improving, but instead of writing on the forum, why don't you write on Microsoft Word? You could write, indent, and have grammar and spell check on! That way you wouldn't have the trouble of having to catch it yourself.

How to make your chapters longer? Well. That is tricky and I still suffer from that fault time to time. I recommend using either Microsoft Word or Google Documents. Using these, they make you feel like you haven't written anything, when you have written about 7 pages (it depends on your font though. I have a font of 12). Other than than that... well... let's say I will be reading the next chapter for sure!

Oh, and your stuff isn't bad! It's great!
__________________
Latest Test/Work in Production:
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 07-03-2010, 05:54 PM
Acario Offline
New Trainer
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 9
Default Re: End of the Rebellion

Sorry I haven't been on in a long time...

CHAPTER 4
The World as Evee Knows it
………………………

VIEWPOINT: DRATINI

I did what I always do when I meet a new person. Pester them with questions
“So what do you plan to do with me?” was my first one.
“Raise a team. Then hopefully defeat Mewtwo, even though that’s probably never going to happen.” The human girl (Oh, what was her name?) answered back.
“Do you have a family?” I asked
“Not anymore.” She said, with a dark tone in her voice
“Really? Why?”
“Can we just skip this one? It’s a very touchy subject.” She said, her voice getting more frantic.
“Nope. I demand answers!”
“Fine! Both my parents were trainers that were mowed down by an Aggron swarm! Are you happy now?”
“Where’d you live?”
“In a very dismal, pathetic village. I kept sneaking out to go to ruins in the north.”
“Are you insane? Those ruins are swarming with guards!”
“I know, eventually I was caught, and that was why I ran away.”
“Aren’t you worried about the other people in your village?”
“Not at all! I hated all of them!”
“But why?”
“Because… You know what? You ask too many questions!”
I chuckled. I hit a sore spot. Then I remembered why I started asking questions in the first place “Very well, I’ll stop. But I do want you to meet someone. She’s amazing.”
“It’s not a person, is it?”
“No, but she’ll blow you away!” I said
I maneuvered along the forest that we were now in and chuckled as I found my trainer was having a hard time keeping up. But eventually I got tired of it and slowed down.
Eventually we came to our destination. The burrow of the most interesting Pokemon there is.

VIEWPOINT: EVEE

I woke up annoyed because someone was yelling down my burrow, then I recognized the voice and calmed down.
I climbed up the hole and met my visitors, Dratini, my best friend from this sector (Yes, I said sector, not region. That will be explained) and a… female human?
Her mouth dropped open. Of course it did, I was gray! Not very many shiny Pokemon are born in this world! And then she did something that I didn’t expect. She pulled out a Pokedex.
Did that mean she was a trainer?! Arceus, there were so many times I had impressed Dratini. But this time he impressed me!
“Evee,” Dratini started. “This is my trainer... um…”
“Acario, my name is Acario.”
“Yes! I knew it started with an A!”
I was stunned. This meant the trainers were returning! And I couldn’t miss out on that!
“Evee,” Dratini continued. “I want you to tell her the history of Jatilisan”
“I see.” I answered. “She is a fairly new trainer?”
“Yes, about a day old.”
“Then I shall tell you” I cleared my throat.

“There are two theories of how the Pokemon here learned to talk. I happen to know the right theory; For Queen Jessie and King James rule the sector to the south, The Unity Land. That is the only sector that Mewtwo couldn’t conquer. There are two other sectors, which are divisions of this region.
“One belonged to the Pokemon Rangers, who migrated here after a volcanic eruption destroyed Fiore. They were thought to be all but exterminated. I think there are a small number are still operating at the south border between The Ranger Land and the Unity Land.
“This is the third sector, the one that the Rebellion hit hardest. The Rebellion Grounds, a line of land that separates this sector and The Ranger Land, is right below this sector, and it’s where Mewtwo lives.
“There are barrens to the north, populated mostly by Aggron” – I saw the human tense- “but it also is populated by a lot of Ghost and Dark Pokemon. And it’s where the mysterious group, the Darksiders, does their necromancy
“There are five islands around the sectors, but there is sometimes said to be seven. They were discovered by crusaders trying to discover new Pokemon that nobody had seen before. Their names are Death Island, Origin Island, Donut Island, Unown Island, and The Eon Chain
“I know nothing of the other four islands, but The Eon Chain was originally inhabited by a group of Evee evolutions, one of them my father. They fought against Mewtwo in what is now called The Great War. My father was killed by Mewtwo himself and I was stuck as a wild Pokemon, roaming across the sectors.
“So let’s talk about The Great War, shall we? As everybody knows, Mewtwo was owned by Red and blah, blah, blah. But what very few know is that Mewtwo didn’t actually start the war! Instead the war was started by a Deoxys that strongly believed in Mewtwo’s cause. So it lead a group of Aggron to destroy all the great trainers of Sinnoh including Diamond, Barry, Riley”- The human tensed again- “And Cynthia. All of them are believed dead, but I believe not.
“Mewtwo was impressed at this bold move and Deoxys became second in command. My mother was killed by the very same one…
“Soon almost all trainers were wiped out. Why almost? Because over the years, Mewtwo has found several trainers. I believe there’s a whole encampment out there somewhere. And I plan to find them!”
And then I had a brilliant idea, and I spoke it to the girl.
“I want to join your team, and not just open the Poke-ball and I go in. you’re going to have to catch me like any other wild Pokemon! I want vengeance against the Rebellion for killing my family!”
She smiled, and executed her first command.
Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 01:17 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Style Design: AlienSector.com