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This is my first, so the plot may be dull, but I'll try.
POKEMON IS MY LIFE
It was a beautiful day in Sinnoh, especially in Floroma Town. The pollen of the rich flowers seemed like it was floating everywhere. The Floroma Meadow was a huge rolling plain of rich colored flowers. Somewhere, sleeping in the neverending field, was a girl with long, blond, hair, and long skinny legs. She had tan skin and carried a blue(D/P style) purse like bag. Vanessa was her name. Her and her Pokemon were scattered around her, sleeping.
Vanessa woke up from a bad dream."Oh, thank goodness that was only a dream."she said, relieved that her pokemon were still there, scattered around her.
Her bad dream was that she had lost all of her Pokemon. She shivered at the thouht of it ever happening. Vanessa felt something warm at her feet. It was getting hotter too.
"What the...? when she looked down, she saw Solar Beam, her Rapidash, and Flame, her Charizard, sleeping with their burning tails about an inch away from her feet. She giggled.
Solar Beam flicked an ear and opened her eyes.
"Hey, girl. How are you? Sleep well?"I asked her. I got up, awakening Harmony, the Torterra. I walked over to Solar Beam and petted her head. She let out a whinny of approval. This woke Sassy, the Loppuny, Rampage, the Rampardos, and Maylon, the Gyarados. Flame was awake, but not exactly wide awake. She gave me a little nudge. Then all of my Pokemon started to give me little nudges.
"Hold on everyone!"I laughed as they started licking me."I know you all want attention but I'm not an Octillery!" I was laughing so hard, I was crying! This is why I love my Pokemon. They're my lifeline. If I were to lose them, why live?
I got up and started running, my Pokemon chasing after me. Suddenly, Flame flew in front of me, stretched his wings to their largest length, and used Fire Spin at something in front of her. I peeked around Flame, and saw a burining circle with a tall wall of hot, searing flames. Had Flame protected me from something? Or had she just reacted to movement in front of me and attacked something she wasnt supposed to? The fire was spreading.
"Maylon! Use Surf!" Maylon quickly came to my side and followed the command. A huge tidal wave swept over the fire, putting it out. There was a person in a circle of soot and burnt flowers. I started to run torward the man. I didnt scold Flame, this could be someone like a Team Galactica Member, or someone else on the bad side. I slowed to a walk as I neared the man.
Last edited by Sight of the Stars; 06-14-2008 at 03:43 AM.
Relatively good grammar but your chapters need to be at least 3-4 pages in length on MS word. I'd type it there if you aren't all ready
I will try to make Chapter 2 longer. Here it is!
Vanessa approached the man, but cautiously. He had messy black hair and a black cloak. I kneeled down beside him and said "Sir? Are you all right?" I asked. The man kind of fumbled aroung before he finally stood up. "Ah ha!"he yelled. I jumped. "Is he crazy?"I though. "You ot yer' self a bright Charizard dere young lass." the strange man said. He was creeping me out. I took a step back. He's probally just an innocent citizen who spent the night in the meadow without getting used to the intoxicating pollen. Yeah thats it! Hopefully... He started yelling really loud again.
"And that's why I want 'er!!!" The man charged with a Poke Ball at ready. "You crazy old coot!" I yelled as I swung my arm back and said "Lights out!" And then I put alot of power into the punch, then... WHACK!!! The man fell back, at first, he was surprised. Surprised turned into dazed, and dazed turned into unconciousness. I walked torward him and being bare foot(as always) stepped on something sharp. "Ow!! What the crap was that?!" I sat down and examined at my foot. Ewww! It was the root of one of his teeth that I had knocked out. "Disgusting!" I complained.
I took the tooth out and cleaned up my foot. "Are you ok?" A voice said behind me. It sounded like a girl. I turned around. There was no one there except my Pokemon. Flame stepped up shyly. "Are you ok?" she said. I fell back, dazed. Flame? Talked? "This has to be a dream." I said aloud. "No, Vanessa. It isnt. You see, for the many years I've
been your partner, this has been my best kept secret. I was afraid you would think I was...a..."tears were streaming down her face."Freak." she sobbed, then she looked away.
"Why would I think that? You're my best bud. No offense everyone." The others nodded. "We have been together for so long. I would never do that." I walked over to her and hugged her. "Really?" Flame questioned. "Really." I gladly answered. "Let's all go check this guy out before he wakes up."
I turned him onto his back. His shirt had a red G on it. "He's a Team Galactica member all right." I said. He had 3 Poke Balls on him. They were each labeled. One said "Houndoom." . Another wa labeled "Glameow". The last one said, "Poke Ball". I took them all. Knowing team Galactica, they were probally tortured and used as tools.
"Solar Beam! Rampage! Maylon! Harmony! Sassy! Return!" I yelled. "Come on Flame! To the Pokemon Center!
Nurse Joy took the 2 Pokemon I found and examined them. Sure enough, there where whip marks on both of them. After a week, they were fully healed. Nurse Joy handed me the 2 Poke Balls. I let them go into the wild, where they truly belonged. After she released them, she ended up right back where she started; the Flamora Meadow. The pollen made me and my Pokemon sleepy, and once again, we fell asleep in our bright bed, in the middle of a circle of burnt flowers.
"Pokemon...is my life." Vanessa sleepily said and then fell asleep in the flowery meadow in the dead of night, gettng plenty of sleep for tomorrow's adventure.
Last edited by Sight of the Stars; 06-14-2008 at 03:37 AM.
Oh! Ok! Thanks, now I get it. I'll improve on that, right about...NOW!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------- CHAPTER 3
A cool breeze was bowing in Floroma Town, carrying the sent of pollen for miles. Vanessa stirred, dreaming. The flowers swayed back and forth as the wind changed direction over and over. Vanessa felt a tickling sensation on her nose, and woke up in surprise, but only to laugh at herself for being so foolish. The sun was almost in the middle of the sky and the heat was already starting to get intense. She sat up and looked at her Poke Watch.
"It's only 10:56, and it's already 87 degrees?" I said in a surprised mutter. I looked beside me and saw something that made me wanna laugh my brains out! Sassy was using Flame's wing as a pillow, the same with Solar Beam. Then Rampage was nestled beside a bush on Harmony's back. While Blood was lying on the ground curled up with mouth gaping, and drooling all over the flowers. I stood up, awakening all of my Pokemon. Harmony shook the pollen off of her, knocking Rampage off. Then Flame tried to lift her wings and stretch, but Solar Beam and Sassy weighted them down. Once Flame started to move his wings, the 2 startled Pokemon jumped off in surprise. I tried to surpress a laugh, but giggled on the same.
"Ready for some excercise? It's Friday you know!" I cheerfully exclaimed. "Sorry to burst your bubble, Vanessa, but we kind of know that." Flame joked. "Well I guess I'll ride you last then!" I dared. "Sorry! Sorry! I was joking!" Flame quickly added. "Well, it's Harmony's turn to be first anyways." I said. I hopped on her back and said "How fast can you run?" I said, then grabbed on to the tree on her back. "A new excuse to get me movin' every time,huh?"she said. Then she broke out a a full charge at speeds of about 50 mph. "You've gotten faster! Your last speed was 47 mph! Nice work!." I said. "Come on Flame, your turn!" I looked around. Where'd she go? I felt something sharp take hold of my shirt and lift me off the ground a few feet into the air. I looked up in an awkward way juast as I was swung by Flame's talons and onto her back.
"Hang on!" Flame said. Then she went straight up into the sky with her wings pressed to her sides. Then she just sped around in the clouds. The the dive back down was the same as the dive back up, except the was more of a falling-off-sensation than the trip up. It also made my stomach do flips too. Flame steadied herself as she neared the ground and landed with a thump. Sassy and I ran a fair race, with Sassy winning. Usually I win because I save my energy for the end of the race. Next was Rampage. I jumped on his back and darted across Floroma Meadow. Blood and I went for a swim near the Seafoam Islands, then came back for Solar Beam's turn. We ran around the outskirts of Oreburgh City, my face hot the whole way because of Solar Beams trailing mane. Then we returned to the meadow and watched a Ditto transform over and over.
I sat down to relax, but as I looked around, I saw a human figure in the distance. I stared as he got closer. "Hello ma'am!" it yelled. "Mighty fine Charizard you have there! Wanna trade for my Machamp?" it asked. The person had a man's voice. This guy didnt know me, but he wanted to trade my best friend for a fighting Pokemon that I didnt really favor? "No thank you!" I said, for there was no need to yell. He was right in front of me now. "Oh, well good day then..." he said gloomily as he walked away. "Vanessa..." Flame said. "Watch out. He seems suspicious." The man turned around. "Did you say something?" he asked. I shook my head no. Sure enough, the man once again stared walking torwards me. When he reached me, he asked "Why do you refuse to trade?" I eyed him suspiciously. " Flame is my life long partner and friend." I answered. "Well that's just too bad little missy." He retorted. "That Charizard is mine now!" He leaped at me, but I jumped nimbly jumped out of the way. "Oh, great." I said to Flame. "Not again. Solar Beam! Rampage! Harmony! Blood! Sassy! Return!" I jumped on Flame's back and hovered over the man. "Well, your not the only on to have Pokemon!" the man yelled. He threw a Poke Ball and out came that Machamp. Another battle...great. This one was actually gonna use his Pokemon, unlike the last one.
"Flame!!!" I yelled. "Use Hyper Beam!" The powerful beam hit the Machamp right in the chest, making it a One Hit KO. "Ok." I thought. "That never happens much but oh well". I pressed the button on my P.W.(Poke Watch) and found the phone screen. I dialed the number to the nearest Police Station. "Yes hello, we have a strange man here that was just trying to steal my Pokemon..........Yes that's right, Flamora Meadow...........Alright, bye."I pressed the red phone on the screen. "Go Harmony! Hold em' there with Vine Whip!" I said as I threw Harmony's Poke Ball high into the air. In a matter of seconds, the man was secured. I threw Harmony a Poke Treat and she caught it with her mouth in mid-air. I laughed as a smile of satisfaction formed on her face(picture a Torterra with a big smile and you'd laugh too!). "How come there are so many maniacs these days, Flame?" I asked. "I dunno." she answered. "Well, ever since Team Galactica have re-formed, all hell went loose." I let out a sigh. " That's the 21st century for you. Just then, one of the many Officer Jenny's arrived and took the strange man into custody. "Harmony! Return!" I said. "Come on Flame, let's stay at Mom's tonight. To many creeps prowling the meadow right now..." Then we flew off in the direction of Twinleaf Town, thinking about what kind of maniac was going to get beat up and embarassed tommorow.
Last edited by Sight of the Stars; 06-14-2008 at 03:46 AM.
You did it again, unless the person talking in first person isn't Vanessa and is some other person.
A cool breeze was bowing in Flamora Town, carrying the sent of pollen for miles. Vanessa stirred, dreaming. The flowers swayed back and forth as the wind changed direction over and over. Vanessa felt a tickling sensation on her nose, and woke up in surprise, but only to laugh at myself for being so foolish. The sun was almost in the middle of the sky and the heat was already starting to get intense. I sat up and looked at my Poke Watch.
Originally Posted by Ridley
I suffer from some desease where I just don't feel like catching a pokemon unless it's rare, which ends in me never catching com mons.
I finished Gold with a pokedex of 6.
Oak's Rating: "Congratulations! Looks like you've learned how to use a pokeball!"
I thought hard about this chapter.
Vanessa punched the big button on her alarm clock and yawned a hearty yawn. She looked outside and then at the clock. It was still dark outside, except for a sliver of orange sunset. The alarm clock read 3:57. Vanessa got up, got dressed, then ate breakfast; cereal with orange juice, and walked out the door after swinging her purse styled bag on her shoulder.
"There's suposed to be a beautiful sunrise today." I whispered to myself. "Go, Flame! Harmony! Maylon! Sassy! Solar Beam! Rampage!" I said, not wanting to wake the townsfolk. "Today's the day with the sunset." I said to Flame. "Floroma Meadow or Eternia City by the Dialga Statue?" I asked. "Hmmmm..." Flame said thoughtfully. "There are too many maniacs in Floroma Meadow, but it has a fantastic view. While Eternia has trees that partly block the sunrise in addition to the Galactic Building. So I'd say Floroma Meadow." Flame replied.
We walked to Floroma Meadow, since we were really close. We all sat down in the fragrent flowers and watched the multi-colored sunset. High into the air the sun rose, getting more and more beautiful. I became unaware of the many dangers lurking in the surrounding trees and tall flowers. When I looked at my P.W.(Poke Watch). It read 8:13. I was about to get up when I heard a click. I turned around to see a net in my face, still coming at me. Everything seemed to stay still for a while. In the distance, I saw a Team Galacic member with the gun in her hands, her finger just releasing the trigger. I glanced to my sides to see other Team Galactic members with dart guns that had been fired. There were 6, each aiming at one of my Pokemon. The dart that caught my eye was the one that was only centimeters away from Flame's back.
Then everything went so fast I only saw the net hit me and knock me to the ground with unimaginable force, making me black out. I woke up in a room completely white. When I looked to my sides, I saw nothing but white. "Is this what it feels like to die?" I questioned in my head. I managed to look down to see each of my Pokemon on the floor, knocked out with the darts still in their sides and backs. When I tried to sit up, I was stiff and managed it with lots of pain.
"Where am I?" I said aloud, dazed. I heard a door open behind me. "Who are you?!" I demanded, looking down at my Pokemon. I was reacting a bit too quickly. "What have you done?! Wait till I get my hands on you!" I yelled in rage. I tried to turn around. The wierd thing was, my body wouldnt let me face the human. "Now, now little trainer. No need to throw a hissy fit. And for you info, I'm Commander Jupiter, a member of Team Galactic. Now, I'll give you some questions. And we demand answers." she yelled. That *****! That prissy frilly Team Galactic *****!! "Activate the metal straps!" she yelled. Iron straps went over my wrists. torso, and legs, holding me down tightly. "Question one." she said. " Your buddy here..." Jupiter pointed to Flame."seems to be different in a special way. But I cant put my finger on it." she said thoughtfully. " Mind telling me?" There were two choices, to lie or tell the truth. I had to lie. I would have to try. As long as she didnt have an Abra. They know truth from lie. You cant get past them unless they are mentally retarded. Jupiter threw a Poke Ball into the air. "Go Hypno!" an Abra came out.
Last edited by Sight of the Stars; 06-14-2008 at 03:47 AM.
It has some grammar errors(not that I can talk, mine does also). I understand what you're trying to do with this narrator vs. Vanessa thing but its really distracting. I'd go with one or the other. Also, we aren't given any background information on Vanessa. You should establish that. Finally you posted two CH. 3's and in the first Ch.3 you talked about a pokemon named Blood. Was that supposed to be Maylon?