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Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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  #1  
Old 05-01-2008, 02:02 AM
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Default Master and Apprentice

Master and Apprentice

Chapter 1 - The Remedy

"Machamp! Machamp, my master! Speak to me!" cried the small, gray, and muscular Pokémon, Machop, as he sat kneeling by his masters bed on this dreadful autumns night.

"Machop, there is something you can do for me," whispered Machamp who looked like a larger version of Machop, with massive, muscular arms and legs and a pained expression on his face.

"Anything, master! Just say the word and I will do it," said Machop hopefully as he got off of his knees and patted his masters arm affectionately.

"I want you to go to the village of the..." Machamp closed his eyes and quit speaking for a moment and his whole body went still.

Machop seized his masters large shoulders and began shaking him vigorously in an attempt to wake him up.

"Wha...what? Oh, sorry, I seemed to have dozed off. I want you to travel to the Village of the Southern Mountains. There you should find the wise medicine man Hypno, I'm sure he should have a cure for my wounds."

"I will complete this task if it takes me my life, Master Machamp. You can count on me," said Machop determinedly as he began to walk out of his masters room.

"Good luck, Machop. You are my greatest apprentice and I trust you will have no problems with this task"

Machop turned to hear his masters words and then nodded his head in respect. With that, he set out on his journey to find the remedy for Machamp's injuries.

Last edited by Jesus of Magikarps; 05-03-2008 at 12:48 AM.
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  #2  
Old 05-02-2008, 10:56 PM
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Default Re: Master and Apprentice

Machop stepped out of the room where he had been assigned his task from Machamp and began to ready himself with everything he could think of that would help. He walked across the soft grass that lined the edge of the forest that they live in over to the Market Place where he could get all the supplies he needed for his journey.

The strong little Pokémon examined all of the vender's goods before he purchased anything. He had to make sure that he was well prepared and didn't get anything that he did not truly need. Suddenly, something caught his eye. He noticed a bright red flag next to a rainbow colored sign that said "Free Hugs!".

"A hug? That sounds excellent! Just the kind of comfort and inspiration I need for my journey," thought Machop to himself.

Machop dashed as fast as his small gray legs could carry him over to the vendor that was giving hugs.

"Excuse me, sir. You are giving free hugs, correct? May I have one?" said Machop merrily as he beamed a great big smile at the greasy old vendor man who gave hugs.

"That is correct, lad. Come here. Give old Greg a hug," whispered the old man as he sat down and began to open his arms out wide.

The two embraced, man and Pokémon as they shared a magical experience called a hug. As their arms were wrapped around each other, a surge of warmth rand down Machop's whole body. He was feeling a cool sensation called happiness.

"Thank you old Greg. You have gave me a gift that I thought I would never find on a gift like today. I will cherish this, thank you," said Machop as he stared dreamily into the old mans eyes.

"It was my pleasure. Now, be on your way and use that happiness to your advantage!" called Old Greg cheerfully as he waved good bye.

Last edited by Jesus of Magikarps; 05-03-2008 at 12:50 AM.
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  #3  
Old 05-03-2008, 12:39 AM
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Default Re: Master and Apprentice

After receiving the power of the hug, Machop proceeded onwards with his journey. Now he traveled South towards the Village of the Souther Mountains. There, he would meet up with Hypno, the wise medicine man. As Machop walked he noticed a change in the land. Flat grassy lowlands turned into rolling hills. The air was getting thinner and the ground was getting very cold. Even being so strong, it still tired the lad out. He had to stop and rest quite often and rebuild his strength.

Finally, Machop made it to the Mountain that he must climb to meet Hypno.

"Well, this is it. No turning back now, just have to be brave and do what I came here for! Remember, this is for Machamp," Machop thought to himself with a scared look on his face and quivering legs.

"Hey, Chimchar, what do you know? Looks like we have us our Machop!" said someone boldly from behind Machop's back.

Machop turned around in shock of the unfamiliar voice.

"It is I, Bill Cosby. You may not no me, but I know you! I am the one who wounded Machamp in battle! I am the one who will stop you from speaking to Hypno!" said Bill maniacally as he started to erupt into an evil chuckle.

"You fiend! At whatever cost it takes, I will destroy you! I will avenge Machamp," said Machop as he swung his arms madly and began to run towards the evil duo.

He was blinded by rage. He could hardly even see them, all he saw was a red orb of hatred that signaled the thing he must destroy.

"Flamethrower, now," said Bill Cosby confidently as he pointed at the raging Machop.

Chimchar tilted it's head back and opened it's small mouth as far is it could go. Beautiful crimson flames danced around for a second before they erupted into a powerful blast of fire. Machop was engulfed in flames for a moment and fell to the ground in pain. When the flame cleared, Machop stood, now even more angry and ready to battle. He ran towards the little fire monkey called Chimchar, this time a bit more cautious.

"Chimchar, give him a taste of your Fury Swipes!"

Just before Chimchar's fearsome claws met Machop's body, Machop reached out it's powerful arm and grabbed Chimchar by the wrist. With all of his might, he began to twist back and then swung his arm down in a Cross Chop. The little monkey screamed in pain as the bones in his arm broke right before his very eyes. He was stunned with pain and just curled up, attempting to relieve the pain by licking his wounds. Machop saw his moment to shine. He lunged forward and started kicking Chimchar down to the hard mountain side ground with a few low kicks.

With each blow, Chimchar let out a shriek cry of despair. Finally, the monkey could not take it anymore. He stumbled up and let out a massive Close Combat attack directly at Machop. Now, Machop was down. The force of Chimchar's speedy yet powerful blows had sent him crashing into a tree branch. Machop's whole body slammed against the hard tree branches. His body was limp for a moment and fell to the ground, but he quickly got up, ready to fight again.

"Heh, I'm amazed you haven't went down yet, Machop. I am impressed. Normally a wimpy Pokémon like you wouldn't last a minute against my Chimchar!" said Bill Cosby proudly as he patted his prized Chimchar's head.

Angered by this statement, Machop went without thinking again towards Chimchar.

"Flame Wheel, Chimchar!"

Chimchar curled up into a ball and was enveloped in flames. It rolled at high speeds towards Machop and delivered a powerful blow. Machop was knocked off of his feet and sent flying into the air. He then crashed down and lay limp. He could not move any longer, he had been defeated.

"You're mine now, Machop. It's all over now," said Bill Cosby with a chuckle as he reached into his pocket and grabbed a PokéBall.

Bill Cosby threw the Pokéball at the fainted Machop. The ball popped open and Machop was sucked inside. The ball wiggled once, twice...

Last edited by Jesus of Magikarps; 05-03-2008 at 12:49 AM.
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  #4  
Old 05-03-2008, 12:44 AM
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Default Re: Master and Apprentice

Ready for grade!
Desired Pokémon: Machop
Characters Needed: 5,000
Character Count: 7,000 +

Last edited by Jesus of Magikarps; 05-03-2008 at 12:50 AM.
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  #5  
Old 05-07-2008, 09:45 PM
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Default Re: Master and Apprentice

I'm old Greg and I'm a scaly man-fish! Are we on the same page...? either way props

Story
Well it was terribly one dimensional but damned if I didn't love it. It had everything: Love, action, errand running. What else could I ask for? You put some good details in there, such as old Greg and I don't know if you just thought that up or if you're a mighty boosh fan but +100 points if you are. Anyways I enjoyed it, and I didn't expect anything epic for ol' machop. Also Bill Cosby for me not as effective as old greg gotta be honest

Writing Style Straight and to the point. You made it seem effortless and reading it went very smoothly I didn't catch myself groaning at the prospect of reading the next post like I do with some stories here. It just worked

Grammar/spelling Fine I guess, I'm not much of a grammarian to be honest.

Length It seemed short to me, I checked it out and it came out to 5.6k without spaces. Which still satisfied the requirement so I guess its all good

Battle
For me this could have been a little longer in this story. I like the attacks, but it seemed like chimchar really didn't get in many attacks edgewise. The description of attacks was good though and I enjoyed it

Outcome This story had old Greg, I mean what else can I do except to say Machop captured?
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  #6  
Old 05-07-2008, 10:13 PM
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Default Re: Master and Apprentice

Thanks for the grade, I'll be sure to use that information for my next epic novel. ( And yes, Old Greg is win! :o )

- Stuffs Machop into bag and runs away -
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