Beauty, the Trainer, and a Ticked Fanboy:Remastered Edition

[Gem N Ems]

Not bad at all...

I liked that one.

[k_pop]

Oh man, this is frickin hilarious!! I was giggling the whole time I read it.
I got a question for Pikachu. Why did it take so long for you to give up and leave for a snack?

[Gem N Ems]

Oooohhh, when's the next chapter?

[Lone_Houndoom]

Originally Posted by k_pop

Oh man, this is frickin hilarious!! I was giggling the whole time I read it.
I got a question for Pikachu. Why did it take so long for you to give up and leave for a snack?

: Well, actually, I felt I had a certain duty to stick by my trainer, sort of an ineffable Pokemon instinct, that lasted even after all A$$ has put me through. But when Lone_Houndoom showed up with more Sweet-Scent, I was just like, "F*** my instinct, I'm not going through THAT again." There's only so much that a Pokemon can take, y'know?...

Is what Pika would say. If it's possible, I just may start an "Ask Pikachu" thread in Games & Trivia. Or maybe the Author's Corner, just, wherever it goes...

[Gem N Ems]

Originally Posted by Lone_Houndoom

: Well, actually, I felt I had a certain duty to stick by my trainer, sort of an ineffable Pokemon instinct, that lasted even after all A$$ has put me through. But when Lone_Houndoom showed up with more Sweet-Scent, I was just like, "F*** my instinct, I'm not going through THAT again." There's only so much that a Pokemon can take, y'know?...

Is what Pika would say. If it's possible, I just may start an "Ask Pikachu" thread in Games & Trivia. Or maybe the Author's Corner, just, wherever it goes...

I think you should start that thread. It'd be really funny and I'd be there! lol. ^_^

[k_pop]

Originally Posted by Lone_Houndoom

: Well, actually, I felt I had a certain duty to stick by my trainer, sort of an ineffable Pokemon instinct, that lasted even after all A$$ has put me through. But when Lone_Houndoom showed up with more Sweet-Scent, I was just like, "F*** my instinct, I'm not going through THAT again." There's only so much that a Pokemon can take, y'know?...

Is what Pika would say. If it's possible, I just may start an "Ask Pikachu" thread in Games & Trivia. Or maybe the Author's Corner, just, wherever it goes...

@Pikachu: Wow. I guess I never thought that a Pokemon with that much freedom would stick around through all that.

@Lone_Houndoom: That would be an uber awesome idea!

[Lone_Houndoom]

Right: I'm sorry to say that my computer busted, and it needs a new hard drive before it can do anything. I'm typing this on my dad's computer, with him breathing down my neck trying to catch me looking up porn, WHICH I'M NOT, DAD!.... but I digress. Point being, I won't be on for a while. I'll see you guys later...

[Gem N Ems]

Awww...that's really too bad...

[Lone_Houndoom]

I'm baa-aack! BWA HA HA! I'm embittered with the world of dating right now, so I've switched to the dark side over Prom Weekend... Please, just don't even ask why. Getting to the point, I now present the edited, remastered, totally remade version of Chapter 5.

Chapter Five: Quest 1! The Three Treasures!

Narrator:The world is now hanging in the balance.As I set off to find the mystic power objects of the Legendary Pokèmon, I was little aware that I was gravely endangering the whole planet...

Lone Houndoom: *Flying over the plains on a Charizard* Ah, my first stop: Vermillion City!

Narrator: I was in Vermillion because I needed a boat to the Seafoam Islands, and the three legendary birds.... duh. Why else would I waste my time in that hick little port?

Lone Houndoom: *barges into a tavern* I'm lookin' fer a ship!

Customers:*all raise Pokèballs*

Lone Houndoom: Oh, puh-lease. *tosses three Pokeballs* GO, CERBERUS!ZORRO!RAMSES!

Cerberus:Arrrroooooo!!!!

Gallade(Zorro):Kwwaaaa!

Dusknoir(Ramses):Ooooooooooo......

Lone Houndoom:..... Well, at least Cerberus got it right....

Lt. Surge: *raises a hand*Give the kid a break, people. He looks okay to me.

Lone Houndoom: Thank you, Lt. *salutes* I'm just gonna assume you have no ulterior motives whatsoever.

Lt. Surge: You're welcome. Now, where's your destination?

Lone Houndoom: The Seafoam Islands, gym leader who's totally not suspicious in any way.

Lt. Surge: Interesting. I got two more who wanna get there. One of 'em had a Pikachu... chatty little thing...

Lone Houndoom:*not paying attention* Yeah. Uh-huh. Sure. When can we leave?

Lt. Surge: As soon as you can get all your stuff onboard.

Lone Houndoom: 'Kay.

Later, at the harbor...

Lone Houndoom: *walking away from a smallish ship, the S.S. Raichu*All packed, now let's roll!

Lt. Surge: Be patient, kid! *leans against a gaurd rail on the pier*

Five minutes later....

Lt. Surge: All right, now we can go!

Lone Houndoom: Excellent! I'm totally not worried about why we waited five minutes in which seemingly nothing happened!

On board....

Lone Houndoom:*wandering the halls, which are so much bigger than the outside it would make the TARDIS jealous* Man, I hope we get there soon....

:Man, why they decided to go to the Seafoam Islands, I'll never know....

Both:*bump into each other*

:Hey, watch it!

Lone Houndoom: You watch it!

: Why you little- YOU!

Lone Houndoom: YOU!

Both: WHAT THE F*** ARE YOU DOING HERE?

:Well, WE are going to enjoy the beach, which I think is dumb, since we just camped on a beach last night!

Lone Houndoom: And I'm going to get the three treasures of the legendary birds!

: o_0

Lone Houndoom:.... I mean, the replicas they sell at the souvenier stand! Ya know, for my collection!

: I'm watching you...

Lone Houndoom: You should really be watching the hand rails.

Lt. Surge: Hard turn to port!

*the boat turns sharply, sending Pika over the edge*

Lone Houndoom:Smooth,puke rat.

:Help! He pushed me overboard!

Lone Houndoom:*sarcastic* Oh,I'm so scared!Please,save me someone!This yellow rat's framing me, and I'm gonna get flogged, help!

Ash:Hey!

Lone Houndoom:(F***....)

Ash:I can't believe this!

Lone Houndoom:(Double f***...)

Ash:I can't believe you'd attack this random guy, Pikachu!

:[img]http://209.85.48.8/2722/193/emo/emoticon268.jpg[/img...retard...

Ash: You are SO getting a time-out in your Pokeball for this.

Lone Houndoom:*sneaks away onto the Island, which they've now landed on* *walks up to the Alter of Lugia or WTF ever they call it, where three orbs sit* Ah, yes. The Thunder Orb of Zapdos*puts the yellow one in his backpack*The Fire Orb of Moltres*Steals the Red Orb* And the Ice Orb of Articuno.*steals the blue orb*

Meanwhile, beneath the sea...

:....*opens eyes* I sense a disturbance in the Force...*goes to the surface, where the other Legendary Birds (minus Ho-oh) are waiting*

Articuno:Lugia, someone stole the treasures again!

Moltres:Yeah!

:What did he look like?

Zapdos:How the heck should we know? If we'd seen him, we'd have ate him!

:Okay, okay! We'll just destroy all humans and collect the orbs from the rubble.

Narrator:I was well aware that the legendary birds would come to react this way. I knew that the only thing that would bring Ash and Misty together was a crisis which might mean the death of Ash. DUH!

Lone Houndoom:*runs past Ash, Misty, and Pikanose-er, Pikachu*Hey-nice-day-at-the-beach-well-gotta-run-bye-Lt.-Surge-fire-'er-up.

Ash:...What was that about?

Misty:Beats me.

:I have a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach...

Zapdos:KWaAAA!!!

Moltres:WAAA!!!

Articuno:Behold, for I am the Lord your God!

Meanwhile, in the Hoenn Insane Universe...

Kenta:Okay, now I know someone's ripping off my fanfic...

Mary:How do you know?

Kenta:I can just sense it...

Back at the Seafoam Islands...

Everyone:0_o

Articuno:What? I've always wanted to say that!

Everyone:*runs onto the ship* GET US OUT OF HERE, LT. SURGE!

Lt. Surge: *turns around, a gun in hand* No. You'll give me the orbs first, kid.

Ash: What are you talking about?

Lt. Surge: I knew this Houndoom kid would obviously go for the orbs, so I offered him a ride so that I could steal them. And if you don't give them, I blow this whole thing up with the C4 my men planted on the ship during that five minute wait. BWA HA HA HA-!*gets plucked out of the ship by Zapdos*

Lone Houndoom:... I'm thinking we should get the f*** out of here.

Narrator: And so we boated back to shore, and I went after my next prize: The Crystal bell of Suicune, along with the silver bells of Ho-oh
-------------------------------------------------------------------

EDIT: Here it is, Ask Pikachu Part 2!

Lone Houndoom: Hello, folks! Welcome to ask Pikachu, the Fic within a Fic where all of YOUR questions are read by me, the handsome and charismatic hero, and answered by Pikachu, the bit-part yellow rodent! *mutter, mutter, grumble, swear, mutter*

: HEY!

Lone Houndoom: Anyways, todays question from Scalec is: Are you an Advanceshipper, Pearlshipper, or Pokeshipper?

: Again, I can't really imagine any of the morons being smart enough to love each other, so I really can't be any. But if pressed, I guess I'd say AAMayL, just to p!$$ Houndy off.

Lone Houndoom: That's all the time we have, folks! I'm gonna go take care of our mouse infestation! *runs after Pika with an axe*

: JESUSFRYINGEGGCRAP#! *runs away as the camera zooms out over the stage and audience*



#: Please note: this was taken from Hogwartian Idol 1 on youtube, by Simpsonsguy. I give him full credit for coining this line.

[k_pop]

There was a lotta F's in that chapter. (you know what I mean *shakes finger* tsk tsk)
Other than that, this one was still really funny. I like the part with Lugia... "I sense a disturbance in the force."
*breathes deeply and goes into Darth-mode* "Do not underestimate the power of the force." Man I love those movies!

[Lone_Houndoom]

I'm happy to report that as of right now, this thread doubles as "Ask Pikachu", which I shall do after each chapter. And please, PM me, don't post the questions here. It'll be spammed down in no time if we do that...

No new chapter yet, I will definitely post it later today, though.

[scalec]

In order for it to work for the 4 word rule(kinda said more than four words right there)

HI LAR I OUS!!!!!!!

[Lone_Houndoom]

Chapter 6:Silver and Crystal

Narrator:My next stop was the Johto Region. The situation was becoming grave, as the attack of Lugia and his three birds had already begun.

Lone Houndoom:*watches a newscast on an iPhone from atop Mt. Silver, overlooking Johto and Kanto*

Reporter:*panicked voice*This is a breaking news report from Cinnibar Island. Four of the Five Legendary Birds have launched an assault on Cinnibar. All those in Cinnibar, as well as neighboring Pallet Town and Fuschia City, are urged to flee. This is a dire situation. Random reporter who isn't even important enough to have a name, out.

Lone Houndoom:*switches off iPhone* Blast it. They began their attack too early. I need all the legendaries to attack at once for this to work...*draws a Pokèball* Go, Blaze!

Charizard(Blaze):RRRROOOOAAARRR! What is it, Chris?

Lone Houndoom:I need you to fly me to Ecruteak City, and I need it done at Mach 5.

Blaze:Awww, do we have to go that slow?

Lone Houndoom:No. Go as fast as you want.

Blaze:Now that's what I'm talkin' about! *flys off after Lone Houndoom gets on his back*

Narrator:And so we rode. All night and long into the next day, we rode. And finally, we reached Ecruteak City...

*scene shifts to Ecruteak Main Square, where Blaze lands*

Lone Houndoom: *looking wet and battered*Finally. That storm over Tohjo Falls really slowed us down...

Blaze:*exausted*Yeah. But we're finally here.

:*relaxing in a lounge chair* Yeah, and you only lost by 14 hours.

Lone Houndoom::exclam:WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTT? Why are you here?HOW are you here? And where are Ash and Misty? *raving spastic seizure*

:I'm here because you're predictable. I got here by taking the Magnet Rail, which was inexplicably running for no satisfactory reason, to Goldenrod and hiking here. And A$$ and Misty are still in Vermillion, hanging out with a Raticate I painted yellow. Any more dumb questions?

Lone Houndoom:Yes:Why are Ash and Misty approaching you from behind and why does that Raticate look severely P.O.'d? *points*

:thpoke::*looks behind him*Aw, $#!†...

Ash:*stern*Pikachu, you are in serious trouble.

Raticate:You owe me 50 bucks, jerk!

:*jumps out of chair* I owe you precisley zip. You don't do the job right, you don't get payed.

Raticate:Why you little-!*lunges at Pikachu*

:Mother-!

Both:*begin fight, which explodes into classic dustball-with-arms-and-legs-flying-everywhere-style.*

Ash:Hey! Break it up!

Misty:Yeah!

Lone Houndoom:*sneaks off*

Meanwhile, in Silver Tower....

Lone Houndoom:*walks in* I demand to know where the f*** the crystal bell is!

*tumbleweed rolls by on the tower floor... odd*

Lone Houndoom:Huh. It's abandoned. Must be a writer's convenience...

Five minutes later, on the top floor...

Lone Houndoom:Ah, there it is! The Crystal Bell of Suicune! *grabs the friggin' bell, which is sitting on a pedastal in the center of an empty wood-panneled room*

Alarm:Intruder alert!Intruder alert! Random jack@$$ on level 5!

Lone Houndoom:Ah, crap. Better grab the Silver Bells of Ho-oh on level 6 before they get here...

1 minute later, on level 6...

Lone Houndoom:*looks up at the corners of the room, where several silver bells are hanging on a wooden awning stretching about 3 feet beyond the tower, opening a large gap to look out of* $#!†! I've got no friggin' time to jump and get those! And that wordy action made me lose characters! *throws a Pokèball* Go, Zorro!

Zorro:*emerges*What is your bidding, Chris?

Lone Houndoom:You don't have to do that, Zorro.

Zorro:Okay, then, how does "what the f*** do ya want?" sound?

Lone Houndoom:Please just get the f***in' bells.

Zorro:Yes, my master.

Lone Houndoom:Okay, how many times have you watched Star Wars today?

Zorro:Uh...two?

Lone Houndoom:Zorro...

Zorro:Okay, 125...

Lone Houndoom:Arceus d@^^^^!†, Zorro, you know your limit is 20! Whenever you watch it more, you start acting like Darth Vader!

Zorro:*holding the bells* Do ya wanna complain about George Lucas's effects on my fragile brain, or do ya wanna get the f*** outta here?

Lone Houndoom:Shut up and return.

Zorro:*returns*

Lone Houndoom:Go, Blaze!

Ash:*runs in*Wait, stop you thief!*trips, landing flat on his face and sliding across the room*

Lone Houndoom: Oi vay... Okay, Blaze, let's go before he wakes up and gets a good look at my face...

Narrator:And so we flew away. Our next stop: Azalea Town, and the GS ball...

Meanwhile, on the ground...

Raticate:*chasing Pikachu in circles* YOU OWE ME 50 BUCKS!

:NO I DON'T!

Misty:*chibi form*BREAK IT UP OR YOU'LL BOTH LEAVE HERE IN A BODY BAG!

Both:Okay.

Back in Silver Tower...

Ash:*coming to* Huh?Wha?... What was I doing?

Random Sage Guy:You fool! You let him escape with the Silver and Crystal Bells!

Ash:Wha?

Random Sage Guy:*chibi*YOU TOTAL RETARD! THE THINGS THAT GUY COULD CAUSE WITH THOSE ARTIFACTS MAY MEAN PREMATURE ARMAGEDDON!

Ash:...Who?

Meanwhile, in the basment of Burnt Tower...

Entei:*wakes up*... I sense a disturbance in our brother's slumber, Raikou.

Raikou:Indeed. Let us investigate.

Suicune: The crystal! The Crystal! It is gone!

Ho-oh:*drops in from the top floor* As are the silver bells. We must hunt down whomever has them. *turns to Suicune* Suicune, you are drawn to the power of the Crystal Bell. You must lead us to the thief.

Suicune:*bows* Yes, Lord Ho-oh. I shall lead...

---------------------------

It's time for: ASK PIKACHU!

Lone Houndoom: Okay, opening night. Keep it cool... *sigh* * walks on stage* Hey, everyone! Ready for the questions you asked to be answered?

Crowd: YEAH!WOO-HOO! HELL YEAH!

Lone Houndoom: OKAY! Today's question comes from k_pop. She asks:

"Why do you always end up bailing Ash out of stuff? And what's it really like in that Pokeball?

: Well, I think that it's because Ash is so used to my awesome powers of Deus Ex Machina that he forgets he has any other pokemon to use. I wish he'd remember, 'cause his other pokemon do the same crap... really, I can't stand having that ability, it's just so embarrasing. Every time I slip away, everyone recognizes me and says "Hey, there's that guy who keeps showing us up with his power to defy Game Mechanics in the anime! Get him!". It usually ends badly... As for what it's like in a pokeball, It's actually pretty great. Plasma screen tv, WiFi, comfy sofa, armchair, very tasteful little fish pond. But I had to get out, because I know an idiot when I see one, and MAN, was I in the company of an idiot.

Lone Houndoom:Ash, right!

: Huh? No, my room mate.

Miyamoto: My spoiler senses are tingling... *runs onstage* OKAYTHATSALLTHETIMEWEHAVEGOTTAGONOWBY!!!!!!

[k_pop]

Okay, the whole thing with Zorro...once again, I LOVE those movies!!

@Pikachu: Thanks for answering my question. I didn't realize it was so nice inside a Poke Ball. Maybe I should get myself one.

[Lone_Houndoom]

Notice: Chapter five has been updated. AND I'M BACK! W00T!