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Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #1  
Old 04-04-2008, 03:03 PM
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Default May's immortal

everyone should know this song.Im writing this is May's point of view,how she feels about Ash leaving.

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone-

Im tired of being here.Alone.Without Ash,im nothing.Im alone,and my fears become to overcome me.If Ash had to leave,i wish he would just leave.He wanted to persue his dream of becoming pokemon master.But even though he left to sinnoh,he is still here,and he wont leave me alone.

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase-

My heart aches just thinking about him.Time passes,and he still breaks my heart when i think about him.

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me-

I creid alot when he was with me,mostly about contests.When i did,He would wipe my tears away,and try to cheer me up.
Whenever i screamed in my dreams,he would try to calm me down until i got the bravery to fall asleep.
Sometimes,when he would be walking,i would just come up to him,and hold his hand,screaming as if i saw something scary,and he would hug me,and we would continue our way.

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me-

But eventually,i began to have a crush on him.All the life he left hehind,was one of his caps.I will hold onto it for as long as i can.But now his face haunts me.And my pleasant dreams.He knows i miss him.He knows i love him,now.

(Chorus)

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along-

Ash,i try very hard to tell myself you are persueing your dream.But somehow,you are still with me,hugging me,wiping my tears away.

(chorus)

---------------------------------------THE END-----------------------------------------------
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Last edited by Mew Ichigo; 04-13-2008 at 05:34 PM.
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  #2  
Old 04-04-2008, 06:26 PM
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Default Re: May's immortal

Hmm..what I said on your last story still applies here. In simpler terms:
a big block of lyrics and then one or two lines of texts does not make a songfic
Now, now, I know you know how to write more detailed scenes, don't tell me you can't ;)
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Last edited by Orange_Flaaffy; 04-04-2008 at 07:17 PM.
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  #3  
Old 04-04-2008, 11:08 PM
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Default Re: May's immortal

Quote:
Originally Posted by Orange_Flaaffy View Post
Hmm..what I said on your last story still applies here. In simpler terms:
a big block of lyrics and then one or two lines of texts does not make a songfic
Now, now, I know you know how to write more detailed scenes, don't tell me you can't ;)
its not my fault this is such a short song lol.can you give me a few suggestions to make this story better???
im not the best story writer in the world,as you can tell.im only 12,and your almost 25.
BIG difference lol.
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Old 04-04-2008, 11:19 PM
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Default Re: May's immortal

Well, for one thing you could go into detail about what May is doing as she is thinking. Do you read many books? Study how your favorite authors add detail to make their scenes feel as if you are there
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Old 04-04-2008, 11:28 PM
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Default Re: May's immortal

Quote:
Originally Posted by Orange_Flaaffy View Post
Well, for one thing you could go into detail about what May is doing as she is thinking. Do you read many books? Study how your favorite authors add detail to make their scenes feel as if you are there
not really lol
i spend most of my time on video games
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Old 04-04-2008, 11:37 PM
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Default Re: May's immortal

Quote:
Originally Posted by Contestshippingfan4563 View Post
not really lol
i spend most of my time on video games
Well, my advice is to read more, that is really the only way your writing will get better. It gives you good ideas to :).
And read other fanfic to, like Neo's :). If you would like to read my fic someday I would like that very much :3
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