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Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #1  
Old 04-03-2008, 11:52 PM
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Default Advanceshipping jamaican farewell

99.9% ppl dont know this song,but i just had to make a little story with this song.PLEASE do not flame me or the story.

Down the way where the nights are gay
And the sun shines daily on the mountain top
I took a trip on a sailing ship
And when I reached Jamaica I made a stop-

Ash began to walk his way to the ship to Sinnoh,with happy nights,and beautiful sunlight makes the mountains of hoen begin to glisten-

But I'm sad to say, I'm on my way
Won't be back for many a day
My heart is down, my head is turning around
I had to leave a little girl in Kingston town-

Ash weeped as he boarded the ship to sinnoh.He was leaving sinnoh,and he was leaving the girl he loved...May

Sounds of laughter everywhere
And the dancing girls swaying to and fro
I must declare that my heart is there
Though I've been from Maine to Mexico-

He remembered as he tried to stay as close to May as possible,and he remember as May used to somewhat dance during contests.He knew his heart that he loved May.

But I'm sad to say, I'm on my way
Won't be back for many a day
My heart is down, my head is turning around
I had to leave a little girl in Kingston town-

Ash finally turned around to see May not crying,but having tears in her eyes.
"May I...."
"I know.you dont want to leave,but we both know we have to persue our dreams.I know we will meet again sometime,but not for a long time..."
"I have a confession to make."
"Dont sweat it."
She leaned over,and she wanted to kiss his cheek,but tripped over on her feet,toppling him,and landing on the ground on top of each other,lips locked.
"um.. i gotta go."
"Yeah,me too."
they walked away,blushing.
His head turned,because he knew he might not ever see her again.his heart ached as he boarded the ship.

-----------------------------------------------the end-------------------------------------------------
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  #2  
Old 04-03-2008, 11:57 PM
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Default Re: Advanceshipping jamaican farewell

Who made that song? A little odd, though, considering most people consider Misty with Ash. But otherwise, quite good!
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  #3  
Old 04-03-2008, 11:59 PM
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Default Re: Advanceshipping jamaican farewell

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Originally Posted by scalec View Post
Who made that song? A little odd, though, considering most people consider Misty with Ash. But otherwise, quite good!
lol a guy named Harry Belafonte.i am not a fan of advanceshipping,but i thought advanceshipping would do better with this song,despite the fact that it is one of my least fave shippings.
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  #4  
Old 04-04-2008, 12:39 AM
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Default Re: Advanceshipping jamaican farewell

This story is very short and could stand more development. A good rule for thumb with a songfic is that the story part of the fic should make up only a quarter of the fics content, the rest should be story.
Rather than having the song lyrics themselves carry out the emotional side of the fic try to dive deeper into the main characters emotions. For example, in place of telling the reader:
Quote:
He remembered as he tried to stay as close to May as possible,and he remember as May used to somewhat dance during contests.He knew his heart that he loved May.
Show us those moments. Act as if your reader has never watched the anime before, and may not even think Ash has any feelings for her. Make us, though detailed, poetic, or flowing imagery feel what Ash feels and why he feels it.

You can do better than this, I know you can! Read your favorite romance stories and try to pinpoint why they are your favorites: What about how they are written makes you feel as if the love in the story is real? You will be going a long way toward writing your own even better than you do now.
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Last edited by Orange_Flaaffy; 04-04-2008 at 12:41 AM.
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  #5  
Old 04-04-2008, 01:29 AM
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Default Re: Advanceshipping jamaican farewell

Quote:
Originally Posted by Orange_Flaaffy View Post
This story is very short and could stand more development. A good rule for thumb with a songfic is that the story part of the fic should make up only a quarter of the fics content, the rest should be story.
Rather than having the song lyrics themselves carry out the emotional side of the fic try to dive deeper into the main characters emotions. For example, in place of telling the reader:

Show us those moments. Act as if your reader has never watched the anime before, and may not even think Ash has any feelings for her. Make us, though detailed, poetic, or flowing imagery feel what Ash feels and why he feels it.

You can do better than this, I know you can! Read your favorite romance stories and try to pinpoint why they are your favorites: What about how they are written makes you feel as if the love in the story is real? You will be going a long way toward writing your own even better than you do now.
sorry.i just didnt have much time on my hands....
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  #6  
Old 04-04-2008, 01:35 AM
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Default Re: Advanceshipping jamaican farewell

Quote:
Originally Posted by Contestshippingfan4563 View Post
sorry.i just didnt have much time on my hands....
It really doesn't have to be written all in one day :). Sometimes slower is better :).
If you have limited time on a computer write the whole story on a notebook when you have time to write, and really think about it, and then type it later :).
When I was in high school I use to type my stories one page each day with limited computer time. It took longer, but it was worth it :)
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  #7  
Old 04-04-2008, 01:38 AM
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Default Re: Advanceshipping jamaican farewell

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Originally Posted by Orange_Flaaffy View Post
It really doesn't have to be written all in one day :). Sometimes slower is better :).
If you have limited time on a computer write the whole story on a notebook when you have time to write, and really think about it, and then type it later :).
When I was in high school I use to type my stories one page each day with limited computer time. It took longer, but it was worth it :)
ill edit it later.
i like my stories nice and short though.and this is a short song.thats why its so short.YOUR IN HIGH SCHOOL!?im still in my freshman year in middle school.
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Old 04-04-2008, 01:41 AM
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Default Re: Advanceshipping jamaican farewell

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Originally Posted by Contestshippingfan4563 View Post
ill edit it later.
i like my stories nice and short though.and this is a short song.thats why its so short.YOUR IN HIGH SCHOOL!?im still in my freshman year in middle school.
No, I'm not in high school :). I said 'when I was' :D. I am twenty-five next month and going back to college again soon :3.
Even if the song is short you are not limited to writing a short story because of that, trust me. Many an essay I could show I've written based on four line poems :P.
Fanfic is much easier (and fun) to do that with than a term paper, trust me ;)
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Last edited by Orange_Flaaffy; 04-04-2008 at 01:45 AM.
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  #9  
Old 04-04-2008, 01:42 AM
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Default Re: Advanceshipping jamaican farewell

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No, I'm not in high school :). I said 'when I was' :D. I am twenty-five next month and going back to college again soon :3.
OMG IM A 12 YEAR OLD TALKING TO A 24 YEAR OLD!!!!
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Old 04-04-2008, 01:48 AM
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Default Re: Advanceshipping jamaican farewell

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Originally Posted by Contestshippingfan4563 View Post
OMG IM A 12 YEAR OLD TALKING TO A 24 YEAR OLD!!!!
Yes, and your point is? (I have a half-sister about your age.)
Neo is actually older than me ;). You'll find we have a lot of writing tips we can give from being around as long in the fandom as we have:)
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  #11  
Old 04-04-2008, 01:50 AM
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Default Re: Advanceshipping jamaican farewell

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Originally Posted by Orange_Flaaffy View Post
Yes, and your point is? (I have a half-sister about your age)
Neo is actually older than me ;). You'll find we have a lot of writing tips we can give from being around as long in the fandom as we have been:)
sorry.im just not used to talking to ppl older than me.well,i am,but not THAT much older than me.
internet predators these days,ya know?
thats why im not used to it.
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Old 04-04-2008, 01:54 AM
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Default Re: Advanceshipping jamaican farewell

Quote:
Originally Posted by Contestshippingfan4563 View Post
sorry.im just not used to talking to ppl older than me.well,i am,but not THAT much older than me.
internet predators these days,ya know?
thats why im not used to it.
I understand :) Even at my age there are a lot of older men trying to get me online to get my money and ..other things O.o . No thank you!:D
The great thing about writing pokemon fanfics and playing the games is there are really no age limits, people of all ages love the world of little furry element based animals :)!
I actually started watching the anime and playing the game back when it first came out when I was sixteen because I loved animals :).
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  #13  
Old 04-04-2008, 01:59 AM
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Default Re: Advanceshipping jamaican farewell

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Originally Posted by Orange_Flaaffy View Post
I understand :) Even at my age there are a lot of older men trying to get me online to get my money and ..other things O.o . No thank you!:D
The great thing about writing pokemon fanfics and playing the games is there are really no age limits, people of all ages love the world of little furry element based animals :)!
I actually started watching the anime and playing the game back when it first came out when I was sixteen because I loved animals :).
i try to watch the anime as much as possible.and ill bet you can tell from my username that my fave shipping is contestshipping.
whats your fave shipping?oh,and i have games,cards,action figures,you name em.im basicly the #1 fan of pokemon!
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  #14  
Old 04-04-2008, 01:59 AM
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Default Re: Advanceshipping jamaican farewell

Awesome Fan-fic!!!(a Little Odd)^_^!
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  #15  
Old 04-04-2008, 02:03 AM
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Default Re: Advanceshipping jamaican farewell

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Awesome Fan-fic!!!(a Little Odd)^_^!
thanks!!!^.^
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