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Go Back   Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000 » Interactive Boards » Creative Writing

Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #1  
Old 07-17-2007, 12:04 AM
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Default The Tragic Loss...

Finally, the prologue of my story is complete. The story is PG-13 for violence (I think). Hope you like it. P.S. My writing will improve! Also a lot of crying.



_________

Prologue


Everyone who lived in the area surrounding the scene of the crime rushed to where they heard she was attacked, they expected her to be dead already, but there she was with her son, about 10 feet from the pond, barely breathing. They were surrounding her, looking at her as rain started dropping from the dark skies. She was brutally beaten with no trace of the attacker, her older child laying by her side encouraging her to stay alive, her younger in the forest gathering herbs as fast as he could. They all wanted to help but Lucario warned them to stay back. She wasn’t moving.


Then suddenly she pulled her bruised hands up from the wet grass and touched her son’s face delicately.


She then said, “I… I’m sorry my child, but it is time for me to leave this world.” Lucario”s world immediately shattered. His hands started to tremble uncontrollably, he shuddered at the thought of life without her. Could his mother be telling the truth?


“No! Don’t die yet! Little brother will be back soon with some roots! The elder said that those can be used to heal anything! Don’t leave us, we‘ll do our best to save you!” Lucario reasoned, tears flooding his already wet face. The mood was tense. Deep inside he knew that his mother was not going to survive, but didn’t want to accepted it.


“I'm afraid nothing can help me. My son, Lucario… I’m proud of you. I want you to l…look at yourself, see what has happened to you. See what the years have done to you,” He paused for a moment to wipe away his cold tears and then stood up, off of the with his mother in his arms. He followed her orders and walked to the nearby pond, the crowd respectfully clearing out of his way, everyone in it sadly looked at him, tears flowing down each one‘s face. Young ones in the crowd clutched to their guardians and shed tears as they saw the injured one whom they all recognized as the loving mother she was. Lucario felt as if the trip took hours. His eyes started to water.


Once there, he lay her on her back near the land’s edge and looked at his reflection just as she wanted. He glanced at his face, then his arms, his legs, his feet, he looked just as his father did, the father he thought he forgot. Painful memories flashed through his mind, first he loses his father, now his mother. He turned back to his mother who smiled, still in pain.


“Don’t you see,” she said, ”you have grown to become strong and agile. You are very c…capibal of caring for your brother without me, and once he grows to your age you will be free to do as you wish.”


“But… we will miss you… and he is still so young to live without a mother…”


“But you see, you and your brother will soon forget about me, you will soon forget about many things but you must remember always this, life moves on. I‘m sure the two of you will live for a long time. I have faith in you” then suddenly she became silent, Lucario, frightened, carried as much water as his hands could to his mother but his efforts were useless, her spirit was already freed from her body, she was gone. His eyes were wide open, he sat down on the ground next to her and hugged her for one last time, then left her there by the water, he then walked over to Noctowl, the elder.


“I’m sorry youngling, is there anything I can do to help?” he put his wing on Lucario’s shoulder


He closed his eyes, and silently said, ”I want you to find my brother, I want everybody here to start digging, my mother WILL be remembered.”
_________
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Last edited by Shadowzard; 07-21-2007 at 04:42 AM.
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  #2  
Old 07-19-2007, 08:33 AM
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Default Re: The Tragic Loss...

wow! great prolouge! cant belive that happend....... are you gonna write more?
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Stardy = awesome
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  #3  
Old 07-19-2007, 05:36 PM
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Default Re: The Tragic Loss...

Seriously...WOW...

I couldn't write that worth a Shiftry. But, may I ask, what Pokemon species is the mother?
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  #4  
Old 07-20-2007, 12:00 AM
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Default Re: The Tragic Loss...

She is a Lucario also, and thanks guys, nice to hear good things from a Master Trainer and Elite. I have been inspired by everything in the fan fiction section (ok, not everything). I won't be writing for a while, only on weekends or when I'm done with some stuff I need to take care of.
Also, I need more people to comment.

EDIT: One more thing, if fanfics could have theme songs this one would have "Brother my Brother" from the first movie as it. This is related to the story, and if you don't know what I'm talking about take a while to listen to it.
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Last edited by Shadowzard; 07-20-2007 at 02:03 AM.
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  #5  
Old 07-20-2007, 02:55 PM
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Default Re: The Tragic Loss...

i liked it, i'm not saying its perfect but i liked it.

there aren't many written from the pokemon's perspective and that's what i enjoyed.

a few points to improve on (nothing major, its good, but it could be better)

lucario seems to lack a little emotonal depth, his mother's dying, and i don't really get an impression of how he's feeling. i see that he is crying but i don't feel it, talk about how everything feels to him, physically and mentally, and it will be much better.

also its a little short (which is ok for a prologue, but any subsequent chapters will need to be longer)
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  #6  
Old 07-20-2007, 11:51 PM
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Default Re: The Tragic Loss...

Thanks, I will work on that, just remember, it's hard to cry in public, even if someone dies. But I see your point, thanks!
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  #7  
Old 07-21-2007, 01:40 AM
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Default Re: The Tragic Loss...

This first chapter is just an introductory to Riolu’s life, the real action doesn’t actually happen until the next chapter. Remember, this happens one year later. Sorry if it is short.

______________


Times of Guilt


Stars scattered the dark sky, the bright lights shining over him like angels watching from above. The formations his mother taught him where in clear view. One of a mighty Machoke, another of a beautiful Kirlia, then one of a Teddiursa being held in the arms of it’s mother, an Ursaring. He glanced at all three of them but always came back to the son and mother. He never got to learn of the other ones, due to the incident.


“I’m sorry mother…” Riolu silently said shedding a single tear, “I’m sorry I wasn’t fast enough.” Memories of that night flashed through his mind, the pain, the sadness, the anger. More tears were making their way down.


He closed his watery eyes and spoke once more, “I…I’m the reason for your death, your life was in my hands… and I killed you.”


Riolu wiped away the drops from his face and got up and slowly, with his head down, walked down the hill and traveled back to the pond, where he and his brother now lived. More memories now filled his head, all horrible ones. There was one where his brother was attacked y a Tyranitar, and another when his best friend mysteriously disappeared without a trace, and the time the elder was badly poisoned, during all of time all of these events took place, all he could do was cry. An the first time he was trusted, the first time he was received an important responsibility, he failed. He still heard the chilling sound of the crowd’s crying while he was searching for herbs to help his mother, a sound which no one can withstand, in his ears.


It took him over an hour to make the trip, but he was finally there, his new home. It was a pit in the ground that was connected to every main point in the forest, which consisted of all fifty-one of them. Everybody he knew put their heart and soul into making it, which took over a year starting the night his mother passed away. Riolu was impressed yet disappointed, no one to help him get settled in, not even his brother. Now as he thought about it, his brother wasn’t around, not anywhere. Without anybody at his side, he jumped into the dark pit, alone.


They creatures of the forest knew what they were doing, as they implanted a kind of slide at the entrance, which even brought a smile upon the saddened Riolu as he slid his way down. The way it worked was that it really was just a smooth rock the twisted in the shape of a spiral, the young one would know, as it was he who found it. It seemed never ending, he wanted to have the feeling of joy forever, but he knew that was impossible. The ride soon came to an end, causing him to feel sad once again.


Inside the main room were glowing mushrooms on the wall and ceiling, hand grown by a family of Paras and Parasect that lived nearby in a carcass of a dead tree. In the corner of the room was a block of wood for sitting on, carved by a very close friend of his mother’s, a Sneasle. And in the middle of the room were two beds made of the softest leaves that were growing on the trees that surrounded the new home, one was already occupied, covered with one of the large blankets made of silk that the Metapod strung. Riolu took caution. He walked slowly to the lump in the bed to examine it.

In it he saw none other than his brother Lucario, sleeping soundly. The sight was relieving, he was glad to see his brother alive and well. Riolu notice something strange about his face, he looked at the bottom of his eyes and saw the dried path where tears once ran, at that second he knew what he was dreaming about. The same thing happened the night before the accident, and the following nights after. It seemed as if his brother didn’t care about anything, much less about their mother’s murder, but deep inside the he knew that Lucario needed to be strong to protect the only one closest to him, his brother, by being both strong physically and also emotionally. Riolu couldn’t not even think of how much fear and anger was in his heart.

“Brother, please get up.” he shook his brother’s arm, hoping to get his attention, he continued to slumber.


“Please Brother, I need to ask you something.”


Lucario opened his eyes, and stared at his younger, an emotionless stare which felt like it went on for hours.


“What, what do you want.”


“I want to… I want to…” He turned his head to avoid his brother’s face, “ ask you… are you mad at me?”


“For what?”


“For the pain.”


“What do you mean?”


“You have dreams of anger at night, I caused them by letting mother die” there was a long pause, complete silence, like the sound of death. He could see that his brother was really thinking about what his brother just said, usually when someone asked about the incident Lucario face turned tense and said that there is nothing to talk about, but this time, he stayed quiet.”


Then he said, ”Brother, do you really think that mother’s death was because of you?”


“But if I had just gathered faster…”


“No, it would have not made a difference, it was just her time, her time to pass away, nothing we could do…”


“Don’t treat me like a little child” Riolu screamed, “I know it’s my fault! She would be here right now if I did my duty!”


“Enough!” his brother was now standing up, his teeth clinched, his eyes burning with great anger, “Have you no respect! I know she would not tolerate such misbehavior!”


“You know nothing!” He grabbed a blanket and headed for a random tunnel, not daring to look back at his sibling.


“Where do you think you are going!” He yelled, but was returned no reply. He wanted to drag him back but he knew that would only worsen the situation, so he just watched him go off into the darkness, only a piece of silk wrapped around his neck. He looked away and went back to sleep, having no regrets. Riolu was hurt, fighting with his brother always hurt him, but his broken heart was not enough to change his decision. He traveled on, not knowing where he will end up, and also not caring.
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Last edited by Shadowzard; 07-21-2007 at 04:39 AM.
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