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Old 07-01-2007, 06:59 AM
Umbreon Ruler Offline
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 15
Default It Begins

This story is rated G for now, but will probably change. It's an adventure story that is set in the anime world, but is completely different as far as plot. Tell me everything that you like and dislike.

Chapter 1: A New Generation

The sun was just rising on the small town of Pallet. Professor Oak was in his lab, wondering when the new beginning trainers would arrive. He had just set out the Pokeballs of Squirtle, Charmander, and Bulbasaur, the three official starter Pokemon of Kanto. As he set down at his desk he was thinking about the day one of Pallet's most accomplished trainers, Ash Ketchum had received a Pikachu as his first Pokemon. Just then, his doorbell rang and interrupted his daydream.

"That must be them." he said anxiously while got up to answer the door.

Meanwhile, in a average white house on the edge of Pallet, a boy was hurriedly getting dressed with a worried look on his face. He had dark brown hair and today was supposed to be the day that he was going to get his starter Pokemon.

"This is bad, this is bad." He kept saying to himself as he laced up his shoes. As soon as he was dressed he raced out the house with a quick goodbye to his mother. He hopped on his bike and petaled as fast as he could but he knew that there was a very slim chance that he would get there in time.

He was getting tired, but he never slowed down. He finally made it up a steep hill and could see the large lab in the distance.

"Finally!" he yelled in triumph. He was completely out of breath when he got to the door but he didn't care. All he wanted was his starter Pokemon. He burst through the doors but he couldn't see Professor Oak.

"Professor... Oak..." He wheezed.

"Hmm?" a voice behind him said. He spun around and there stood Professor Oak holding a round object in his hand. "Who are you?" The Professor asked.

"My name... Danny... Please... Professor... Starter..." He managed to cough out.

"A starter Pokemon?" Oak asked. "I'm sorry, but I've already given them all away."

"Really?" The boy asked desperately.

"I'm afraid so." Professor Oak said.

"Man, I really messed up this time..." He said as he slowly walked out the door.

The Professor felt sorry for this boy and was trying to think of a solution when he looked at the round object in his hands. "Danny wait!" he yelled.

"What is it?" Danny said with hope in his eyes.

"You can have this." Oak said as he held out the round object. Danny became disappointed again.

"What's that?" He asked glumly.

"It's a Pokemon egg." He said. "Do you know Ash Ketchum?"

"Of course, who doesn't?" Said Danny.

"Well one of his closest friends gave me this egg. I believe that she's one of the eight gym leaders of Kanto." He stated. "I know it doesn't seem like much now, but this egg will hatch and become just as powerful as every other Pokemon out there." He said.

"I guess so..." he said as he took the egg from Oak. “Thank you." Then he left the lab and hopped on his bike. 'I better say g'bye to mom before I leave,' he thought.

"One more thing." Professor Oak said "Here's your Pokedex." Then he handed Danny a small red device. When he saw it, Danny brightened up a little, but not much.

As he was riding home, he saw three trainers heading toward Route 1. There was a girl with long blonde hair holding a Squirtle and talking to another trainer. He had spiky red hair with a Bulbasaur walking at his side. Behind them was a boy with black hair that was made into a ponytail who was holding a Charmander in front of his face. "Use flamethrower." He kept saying.

'Idiots.' Danny thought. 'Doesn't he know that Charmander can't use flamethrower until he gets stronger? It's not fair that those three got Professor Oak's starter Pokemon and all I got was this lousy egg.'

When he finally got home, his mom made him breakfast and packed him a lunch. "Now don't forget to change your underwear everyday. And be nice to the other trainers. Oh, and-"

"I know mom." He cut in. "Don't worry, I'll be fine." Then he got on his bike and started to ride toward Route 1.

"And don't forget to..." Danny was to far away to hear her now. Even though he wasn't happy to only have gotten an egg, his heart was pounding with excitement about the journey that he had just begun.

A few hours later Danny was still pedaling along Route 1. He was completely winded and decided to stop for a break. The sun was about to set and the egg hadn't even made the slightest movement. "I guess I'll have to camp here." He said. So far, his journey wasn't turning out the way he had hoped. He hadn't seen a single Pokemon, not even a Pidgey.

Just then, he heard some rustling in a nearby patch of grass. He got excited, hoping to see a rare Pokemon, but all that came out was a Rattata. Danny was too tired to deal with anything as common as a rattata right now so he threw a rock to scare it away.

The baby mouse squeaked in fear as he ran back to the patch of grass, as Danny set down to rest and set the egg beside him.


Danny immediately jumped to his feet and watched in horror as a large Raticate jumped out of the patch of grass.

Danny picked up the egg to make sure that it didn't get broken and started to run away. 'Dang! I should've gotten on my bike!' He thought. But it was too late. The Raticate was catching fast and there was nothing he could do.

Then Danny tripped over a large rock and fell to the ground. He knew it was all over. All he could do was sit there.

The Raticate leaped into the air and opened her mouth to prepare for a Hyper Fang.

Danny shut his eyes and braced himself for the pain. But instead he felt the egg burst in his arms. For a split second he thought he broke it, but he opened his eyes and saw a small blue Pokemon in his lap. Then he looked up at the Raticate and, to his extreme relief, saw that it was sleeping.

"What happened?" he asked the little blue Pokemon.

"Poli!" she yelled happily.

Danny took out his Pokedex and pointed it at his newly hatched Pokemon.
"Poliwag" the electronic voice said "The Tadpole Pokemon. It is possible to see this Pokemon's innards through the swirl on its stomach. Its legs are not yet suited for walking, so it spends most of its time in the water."

"Poliwag, huh?" He said. "What attacks does it have?" He pressed a button and a list of his Poliwag's attacks appeared on the screen. "Bubble and Hypnosis. That must be it! Poliwag put the Raticate to sleep using his Hypnosis."

Then he lifted him up in front of his face and smiled. "You're a cute lil' guy aren't ya?" This remark made the little Poliwag angry. " Sorry... Cute little... Girl?" The Poliwag immediately brightened up again. "So you're a girl? Well, in that case, I think I'll call you Chloe." This made the little girl even happier. "Well Chloe, we'd better get to sleep." Just as he was lying down he thought, 'Maybe getting that egg wasn't such a bad thing after all.'
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Old 07-01-2007, 09:41 AM
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Realityxxx Offline
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Default Re: It Begins

Good job for a newbie!
あたまの はなかざりの かおりには リラックスさせる こうかが ある。ていれを なまけると かれてし まう。

The aroma from the flower decoration on it's head has a relaxing effect. It will wither if it is not cared for.
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Old 07-01-2007, 10:03 AM
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Default Re: It Begins

You should NEVER judge someone's writing by how many posts that they have.

Someone who's just done their first post could be the most spectacular, wonderful writer in the world.

Some Elite Trainer could be a spazz at writing. That doesn't matter.

I found a few mistakes in there, but none of them distracted from the story. They were pretty minor, anyway!

I liked it. At first I thought, "Oh, another Pokemon Master Journey... "

But I thought it was nice the way you did the egg part, and the Raticate was funny. As was the trainer with the Charmander!

Carry on writing and have fun,

If you hadn't noticed, I'm inactive at the moment due to school and the like. If you need anything, drop me a PM and I'll reply ASAP, I try and visit every couple of days. Activity will pick up when there's a school break, I promise. D:

iamnotyou11 (00:41:35): scrotom?


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Old 07-01-2007, 05:48 PM
Umbreon Ruler Offline
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 15
Default Re: It Begins

This isn't one of my favorite chapters. It's a little short and isn't very eventful, but don't worry. It gets better.

Chapter 2: Bad Luck

It was almost 8:00 am on Route 1, just north of Pallet Town. Yesterday, Danny Carson had begun his Pokemon journey with a Pokemon egg which, last night, had hatched into a baby Poliwag, who Danny had named Chloe.

Danny was still asleep this morning, but Chloe had awoken bright and early to explore. She was looking over one of the tall, steep ledges that covered Route 1, when she saw a large Pidgey flying toward her, with a hungry look in his eyes. Chloe wasn't scared simply because she didn't know that she was in danger. She thought that the Pidgey wanted to play, so she sent out a cute spray of bubbles. This distracted Pidgey so he missed Chloe by an inch, but immediately turned around and took aim again. Then, the spiral on Chloe's stomach started to turn in circles. Almost instantly, the Pidgey fell asleep and hit the ground head first.

Meanwhile, Danny was just waking up after having a bad nights sleep. "I feel like I slept on concrete." he muttered to himself as he arose. "How did you sleep, Chloe?" he asked. There was no answer. "Chloe?" He asked again, this time with a little worry in his voice. He jumped to his feet and started running around, looking for his little Poliwag. "I should have been more careful." He was saying. "She's barely bigger than my fist! I should have put her in a Pokeball!" Then it dawned on him. Chloe had no Pokeball. "How could I forget to bring Pokeballs!?" he yelled while he continued to look for her. "Where are you, Chloe!?!?" He yelled.


He turned around and saw Chloe staring at him with a confused look on her face.

"I found you!!!" He joyously yelled, while hugging her as tight as he could, "But you're all dirty. What happened?" He asked. "It doesn't matter. As long as you're safe! Now let's head over to Viridian."

"Poli!" She happily agreed.


They had been walking for about an hour. Danny couldn't ride his bike because, this morning when he went to get it, the Rattatas had chewed it into hundreds of different pieces.

"Hey," He said "I think I see Viridian! See it Chloe!?" Viridian was more than twice the size of Pallet and Danny had only been there once before, but that was with his mother in a car.

"We're about to have our first gym battle!" He yelled. He started to sprint toward the city with Chloe on top of his head.

He arrived at the city almost dancing with excitement. "First we'll go to the Pokemon Center, then the Mart to get some potions and Pokeballs, then... The Gym!!!" Of course, Poliwag didn't have any idea what he was talking about.

He went to the Center and healed Chloe and got a room. Then he went to the Mart and bought a slew of potions and Pokeballs using the money that his mother had given him. Finally, he was ready to go to the gym.

He had been walking on the sidewalk for a while and was starting to get worried that he was lost. Eventually, he reluctantly asked someone for directions.

"The gym?" The man said. "Why, it's right over there." He said, pointing to a large building a few blocks away.

As soon as he saw this, Danny started running toward the building. "Thanks!" He yelled. He was getiing closer and closer. He could see the doors. He could barely take the excitement.


He had hit the locked door... Hard. "What's going on!?" He said frantically, banging at the door.

"That gym's closed, sonny." Said an old man who had been watching Danny this whole time.

"It wasn't closed the last time I came here." Muttered Danny.

"When was that?" The old man asked.

"A few years ago." Said Danny.

"It's only been closed a few months." Said the old man.

"Oh." He said with disappointment in his voice. Then he walked away from the gym, dragging his feet as he went.

About an hour later, he was sitting on a bench beside a small pool. There was a sign beside it that read: "Wishing Pool. Toss in a coin and make a wish." Danny threw in a coin even though he knew it wouldn't work. 'I wish that my journey would get a little better. So far it hasn't exactly been bursting with fun.' He thought. Then he let out a big yawn. He hadn't realized how tired he was until now. The warm summer sun was starting to get to him. He wanted to go back to the Pokemon Center to his room, but he was too tired. He leaned over onto his backpack, causing it to tip over. A shrunken Pokeball rolled out and landed in the grass.

"Pidge?" A Pidgey watching from a tree flew over out of curiosity. He started pecking at the Pokeball and it suddenly enlarged, causing the Pidgey to jump back. He hopped over again to investigate the strange, now larger, red and white orb. Once again, he pecked it, but this time, it opened up and swallowed the Tiny Bird Pokemon. It shook a few times and finally stood still. Danny had caught his first Pokemon and he didn't even know it.

Chloe had been in the pool watching the Pidgey the whole time. Now, she jumped out and swatted the Pokebal with her fish-like tail. It hit Danny square in the forehead, waking him up instantly, then opened, releasing the Pidgey.

"Aargh!! What happened!?" He yelled angrily. Then he saw the Pidgey, watching him. He slowly picked up the Pokeball that had hit him in the head and threw it directly at the little bird. But, to his surprise, it bounced right off the Pidgey's head and never even opened. "What?" Danny said. Then he took out his Pokedex and pointed it at the Pidgey.

Pidgey, the Tiny Bird Pokemon. It is very territorial. It will not hesitate to attack an opponent more than twice its size if it feels that it is threatened.

Danny noticed that, beside the Pidgey name on the Pokedex screen, there was a small image of a Pokeball.

"But that means that I've captured one already." He said, obviously confused. Then he picked up the Pokeball he had thrown and pointed the button on the front at the Pidgey. "Return?" He said. Instantly, a red light shot out of the Pokeball and engulfed the bird, sucking him in. "It's... Mine?" He looked at the Pokedex and saw that the Pidgey he had caught was male. "Hmmm... I'll call you Mark." He said, looking at the Pokeball.

He looked up at the cloudless sky, deep in thought. 'I can't always give up.' Then he jumped to his feet and started running toward the Viridian Forest, with new hope in his heart.
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Old 07-01-2007, 06:06 PM
Gooberdued Offline
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Default Re: It Begins

Use less dialog and more discription. The entire story moves along too fast. Its okay for first fic, keep writing and have fun!
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Old 07-01-2007, 06:51 PM
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Default Re: It Begins

For your dialogue problem, perhaps you could use passive speaking? Whatever it's called!

He had hit the locked door... Hard. "What's going on!?" He said frantically, banging at the door.

"That gym's closed, sonny." Said an old man who had been watching Danny this whole time.

"It wasn't closed the last time I came here." Muttered Danny.

"When was that?" The old man asked.

"A few years ago." Said Danny.

"It's only been closed a few months." Said the old man.

"Oh." He said with disappointment in his voice. Then he walked away from the gym, dragging his feet as he went.
I'm gonna re-write this part, giving you an example of passive speaking.

He had hit the locked door... Hard. Danny had a quizzical expression sitting upon his face, and started pounding at the door.

"That gym's closed, sonny." Said an old man who had been watching Danny this whole time.

"It wasn't closed the last time I came here," muttered Danny. The old man asked when this was, and Danny explained that his last visit was a few years ago.

The old man began lecturing him about the closure of buildings, and finally mentioned the fact that the gym had been closed for a few months.

"Oh." He said with disappointment in his voice. Then he walked away from the gym, dragging his feet as he went.
You can keep some dialogue, but lots of it becomes boring and same-ish.

Hope I've helped,

If you hadn't noticed, I'm inactive at the moment due to school and the like. If you need anything, drop me a PM and I'll reply ASAP, I try and visit every couple of days. Activity will pick up when there's a school break, I promise. D:

iamnotyou11 (00:41:35): scrotom?


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Old 07-01-2007, 07:05 PM
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dusknoir Offline
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Default Re: It Begins

It's a good story. It's much better than mine (Season I: Sinnoh Advanced).

You need to add powerful words in your fiction. There are some already, I could name a few that could be improved.

Overall, though, a good story.
An empty sig....*calls Sig Fillers* Hello, yes, I do have an empty sig, I am not a, I will not shoot your head!
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Old 07-01-2007, 09:27 PM
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Kayden Javlaíakín Offline
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Default Re: It Begins

The description definitely needs a little work, as the others said. And, also like they said, you don't need THAT much dialogue; I go by the philosophy to use only what little dialogue is entirely necessary and the fic just can't do without.

You've also got several issues with proper grammar, not so much in the actual story as in the characters' speech, so be absolutely sure to use a word processor's spell check before posting your fic.

Overall, for a trainer fic, it has very few flaws, but I would add something new and unexpected to the world of Kanto, which is what I'm expecting to do in The Diamond Skies. Just so it doesn't become exactly like the game and follows it without any unforeseen twists in the plot. Oh, enough nitpicking. This is pretty good if it is your first, and I'll certainly be keeping my eye out for improvement. :)

~ *Kayden

yeah yeah yeah

Last edited by Kayden Javlaíakín; 07-01-2007 at 09:33 PM.
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Old 07-02-2007, 03:15 AM
Umbreon Ruler Offline
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 15
Default Re: It Begins

This chapter still seems like the games, but after this, it will start to diverge from them. Also, I reread this a few times, trying to take out some dialogue and spot grammar mistakes, but I still don't think that I did enough. Any comments would be greatly appreciated.

Chapter 3: Dangerous Grounds

Danny had just entered the Viridian Forest with Chloe on his shoulder and his newly-caught Pidgey, Mark, in his Pokeball. The forest was even bigger than Viridian City, with trees and tall grass everywhere you looked.

“I wonder what kind of Pokemon we’ll find in here.” Danny asked to no one in particular. “Or maybe we’ll find a trainer so we can show off our skills.” He said proudly, even though he had never actually been in a real Pokemon battle.

Just then, he heard some rustling in a tree behind him, and he spun around, hoping to see a rare Pokemon. He jumped back a little as he saw a strange yellow creature fall from the branches attached to a string. It had beady black eyes which seemed to be staring at Danny. He pulled out his Pokedex to find out more about this strange creature.

Kakuna, the Cocoon Pokemon. Although it appears immobile, on the inside it is very busy preparing for its upcoming evolution.

Danny looked at the Pokemon as if it was some sort of monster.

“Don’t even think of touching my Kakuna!” Said a voice from behind him.

He turned around and saw a small boy wearing a large straw hat, a white tank top, and shorts that looked a little too small for him. In his hand he held what looked like a butterfly net.

“Who are you?” Danny asked, praying for him to be a trainer so that he could finally get into a battle.

“My name is Kevin.” The boy said. “I specialize in bug-type Pokemon, and that Kakuna that you were about to capture is mine!”

“You think I was going to capture THAT?” Danny said as if he thought the idea was funny. “Sorry kid, but I only capture powerful Pokemon.” Danny had actually been planning on catching the Kakuna but he didn’t want to look foolish in front of another trainer.

“Why you…” Kevin said angrily. “I’ll show you a powerful Pokemon!” He said as he threw a Pokeball high into the air. It burst open and a small, green caterpillar-like Pokemon appeared.

Danny’s Pokedex was already out so he figured he should get some information on this Pokemon as well.

Caterpie, the Worm Pokemon. This Pokemon can devour leaves bigger than its own body. It releases a foul smelling odor from its antennae.

“Let’s see. A bug-type.” Danny was muttering to himself. “So that means that a flying-type would have the advantage. Luckily, I have….Mark!” He yelled as he threw Mark’s Pokeball toward the battlefield.


He pressed a button on his Pokedex, trying to find out about Mark’s attacks. It then displayed a list of Pidgey’s skills on the screen: Gust, Tackle, and Sand-attack.

He thought it over for a moment, then ordered a Gust. Pidgey started to flap its wings at an amazing speed, forming a miniature tornado that sucked Caterpie into the air.

“Caterpie!!!” The little worm screamed as he was twirled within the spiral of wind. Then he landed on the ground, completely knocked out.

“Good job Pidgey! Return.” Danny yelled as a red light shot out of the Pokeball and sucked in Pidgey. ‘Was that it?” Asked Danny in a superior tone of voice.

Kevin declared that the battle wasn't finished yet and threw another Pokeball. This time, a Pokemon that looked similar to a Kakuna emerged.

“Another Kakuna?” Danny said, with obvious disappointment in his voice.

“Not even close!” Kevin yelled, still fuming over his previous loss.

Danny was still skeptical so he held up his Pokedex to find out.

Metapod, the Cocoon Pokemon. The shell covering this Pokemon is as hard as rock, giving this Pokemon a superb defense.

“That shell might be a problem.” Travis muttered trying to come up with a plan. He decided just to start the battle and see how it went. He motioned for Chloe to join the fight, unsure whether she could handle herself at such a young age.

“Poliwag!” She yelled happily as she leapt off of his shoulders.

Danny commanded a Bubble and Poliwag laughed as it released a few bubbles that floated into the air and popped.

“Poli, Poli!” She was obviously having a good time playing.

“What a wimpy Pokemon!” Kevin yelled, rolling over in laughter. He managed to order a Tackle through his constant giggling.

The Metapod then flung its entire body toward Chloe and hit her right in the stomach, knocking her onto her back. Luckily, she got back up in a few seconds.

“Most Metapod can’t use tackle,” Kevin said intelligently, “But if you raise it from a Caterpie with love and care, like I did, you’d be surprised at what it can do.”

“Thanks for the lesson.” Danny muttered, obviously annoyed at Kevin’s pompous attitude. “Now Chloe, use bubble again!”

This time, the little Poliwag was angry. She inhaled deeply and shot out hundreds of bubbles with much more pressure than before, hitting Metapod hard.

Kevin bragged that such a weak attack wouldn’t be enough to beat his Metapod, and then ordered another Tackle.

Chloe dodged the tackle easily, since speed wasn’t exactly Metapod’s specialty, then, upon Danny’s orders, shot out another barrage of bubbles even more powerful than the last. It was obvious that the Cocoon Pokemon couldn’t take much more of this, and Danny was sure that he would win the battle.

“Alright then.” Kevin said to himself. “Harden!”

“Harden? I’ve never heard of an attack like that.” Said Danny.

Just then, Metapod started to glow very slightly. All the indents left on his shell by the bubbles started to disappear as Metapod’s body stiffened.

“What’s happening!?” Danny yelled in bewilderment.

Kevin explained with a smirk that Harden drastically raises a Pokemon’s defense.

“Making its shell a little harder won’t save you!” Danny yelled. “Another bubble Chloe!”

Following his orders, Chloe released several bubbles, all of which squarely hit Metapod.

Danny thought that it had been an effective hit, but upon a closer look he realized that the bubbles had barely phased the pupa Pokemon.

“That won’t do any good.” Kevin said slyly. “Now…..Tackle!”

Metapod launched itself toward Chloe, but she was, of course, able to dodge him, being the faster Pokemon.

Danny then ordered a Hypnosis, frantically trying to come up with a plan but failing miserably.

The spiral on Chloe’s stomach began to turn, immediately inducing sleep upon Metapod.

“Start using bubble, and don’t stop!” Danny yelled.

Chloe started shooting bubbles which were all hitting the foe. Due to his light weight, Metapod was tumbling all over the place, but it didn’t appear to be doing much damage.

What am I going to do?’ Danny thought

Kevin then ordered yet another Tackle from his Pokemon.

Chloe was getting tired, and Danny knew that it would be difficult to dodge it this time. “Bubble!” he yelled, but they didn’t do much good. Danny wanted to close his eyes, not wanting to see his Pokemon get hit again, but he owed Chloe the respect to see this battle through.

Metapod was almost there and Danny knew that it was over. Then she opened her mouth and inhaled deeply. Danny thought it was another bubble and knew that the effort was useless. But to Danny’s surprise, a powerful jet of water shot out of her mouth and knocked Metapod unconscious.

“What was that?” Danny said as he whipped put his Pokedex to check Chloe’s attacks. This time, a new skill appeared under hypnosis and bubble: water gun. Danny didn’t know what to think at first, but he eventually realized what had just taken place. “We won. WE WON!” He screamed in excitement. “We won our first battle!”


The sun was setting, and Danny was still beaming about his first victory. Although the battle did take a large amount of time and seriously slowed him down, it brought his confidence to new heights. Unfortunately though, he was less than a quarter of the way through the forest, and there would be many other trainers to slow him down. But this only made him more excited.

Last edited by Umbreon Ruler; 07-02-2007 at 05:21 AM.
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Old 07-05-2007, 09:49 PM
Umbreon Ruler Offline
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Default Re: It Begins

Chapter 4: ‘Free as the Wind

It was nighttime and everyone had long since fallen asleep… Except Danny Carson, who was still making his way through the long and winding maze known as Viridian Forest. Normally, he would have been asleep by now, but he knew that he had to get out of this place to battle his first gym. He had just recently won his very first Pokemon battle, and had battled a few trainers since then. They were all taken care of quickly due to most of them being Trainers who owned only bug Pokemon, a type that was known for being weak.

He was getting tired but he kept going. At first, he thought this forest was interesting and a refreshing change of scenery from Route 1, but after seeing tree after tree he was starting to get bored. Up ahead, he could see a clearing through the trees and a wave of relief came over him.

His heart leaped and he began running. When he came into the clearing he could easily see that he was not out of the forest but was still pleased with what he saw. It was a large field of nothing but flowers, but there were trees surrounding it showing that it was just a small area in the middle of the forest where trees hadn’t grown.

This is a perfect place to sleep.’ He thought. So he set the already-sleeping Chloe on the ground and laid down next to her. He instantly fell into a dreamless sleep and awoke at about 8 in the morning.

He was still a little sleepy and wasn’t completely aware of his surroundings as he stood up and rubbed his eyes. As his view came into focus, he was amazed by what he saw. There were thousands of Pokemon flying all around the colorful flowers. He took out his Pokedex to see exactly what these Pokemon were.

Butterfree, the Butterfly Pokemon. The final evolution of Caterpie. It collects honey from flowers and will even travel up to six miles from its nest to get it.

“I’ve gotta catch one!” He yelled. “Chloe, are ya ready for a battle? Chloe?” She was gone again. Danny was on the verge of panic when he saw a few bubbles floating into the air a few feet away. He made his way through the flowers and saw his little Pokemon playing with a Caterpie. Now that he looked around, he noticed that there was hundreds of Caterpie eating the flowers. There were even dozens of Metapod lying motionless on the ground.

He picked up Chloe and looked all around him, admiring the sheer beauty of the place. How these Pokemon were living in complete peace without humans to destroy their environment. He knew that he must be one of the few people who had ever even seen this wonderful place.

“I guess I shouldn’t capture one.” He said reluctantly.

“Charmander, Ember!” A voice shouted from the opposite side of the field as Butterfree flew in all directions.

Danny immediately looked toward the direction of the voice and could clearly make out the three trainers he saw on the first day of his journey who had gotten the three starter Pokemon before he could. He yelled for them to stop.

The three trainers looked his way and began to walk towards him. As they got closer he heard the girl who owned the Squirtle yell to him “Hey… Uhh. Kenny, right?”

“Danny…” He corrected her, a little annoyed.

“Oh, right.” She said as if she was distracted. “What are you doing out here? Did Professor Pine give you a Pokemon too?”

“It’s Professor OAK, and yes, he gave me a Poliwag egg.” He said. He wanted to leave. He had never been friends with these three and wanted to keep it that way.

“Hey wuss, why’d ya tell me to stop?” The boy who owned the Charmander asked angrily.

Danny went from annoyed to angry at this comment. He tightened his fist, ready for a fight. He told them that they were disturbing the Pokemon, trying to remain calm.

“You were disturbing the Pokemon.” The boy said, doing a very bad impression of Danny.

This pushed Danny past the edge. He swung his fist and hit the boy squarely on the chin.

The boy muttered something under his breath, tightening his fist, about to punch.

Upon seeing that her trainer was in danger, Chloe shot out a water gun that hit the boy directly in the face and knocking him on his back. His friends immediately started laughing hysterically. The boy then jumped on his feet fuming, but he wasn’t about to try to hit Danny again, for fear of another water gun.

“I challenge you to a one-on-one Pokemon battle!” The boy yelled angrily.

“I accept.” Danny answered calmly. “But not here.” He insisted. “I don’t want to scare the Pokemon any more than they already are.”

The boy agreed and informed Danny of a good place that they could battle. Then, they walked deeper into the woods.

They finally arrived at spot that seemed perfectly suited for battle. It was a very small, oval-shaped clearing that was covered in lush green grass.

“Ready?” The boy said.

“Wait.” Danny said. “First I want to know your names. I might be seeing you a few times on my journey and I’d like to know who you are.”

“Fine.” Said the boy. “My name’s Dante, the girl’s Brianna, and that kid is Lance.” Then he whispered something to Lance, who ran deep into the woods right after hearing what Dante told him.

Danny looked at them, puzzled.

Dante noticed him watching. “Let’s just start the match.”

“Fine by me.” Answered Danny. “Go for it, Chloe.”

Chloe jumped from his shoulder and onto the battlefield, eager to fight the trainer who had tried to hurt Danny.

“Go, Charmander!” Dante yelled, throwing out a pokeball. He had deliberately aimed it at Chloe but she used her broad tail to hit back at the boy, hitting him right in his gut. Despite all that the ball had been through during the last few seconds, it still released the Charmander inside.

“Char!” He yelled in a cute sounding voice.

Charmander, Danny had already taken out his Pokedex, the Lizard Pokemon. The smaller the flame on its tail, the sicker a Charmander is. If the flame were ever to go completely out, this Pokemon would die.

Dante was getting impatient, so Danny made the first move. “Chloe, Water Gun!” He yelled.

She immediately released a spray of water that knocked Charmander off his feet.

Dante grunted in anger. “Ember!” He yelled to Charmander, who released a ball of fire from its mouth which Chloe easily dodged.

Unfortunately, the fire kept flying through the air and hit Danny in the chest. He fell to the ground with a THUMP which knocked the Pokeball containing Mark the Pidgey off his belt. Chloe jumped on his chest and began aiding the burn with a light water gun.

Catching his opponent of guard, Dante quietly ordered a scratch from Charmander who ran up behind Chloe and cut into her back.

“Poli!” She yelled in pain as the claws sunk in. Danny immediately jumped to his feet holding Chloe in his arms.

“That was a dirty trick.” He muttered while inspecting his little Pokemon. After seeing that there was no serious damage, he set Chloe on the ground. “You can do it Chloe” He said. “Hypnosis!”

Meanwhile, right behind Danny, a Caterpie was inspecting Pidgey’s Pokeball. Finding something interesting about it, he shot string from his mouth and which stuck to the ball. Then, he crawled into the woods, towards his nest.


The Caterpie was having difficulty making his way through the woods with the Pokeball. Eventually, he arrived at the flower field that Danny had been in earlier and climbed up a tree that was completely covered with the same type of string that he was using to carry the ball. He was on the top branch, when he looked out upon the field and saw a human attempting to capture the Butterfree.

While he was looking on in fear at the threat that was before him, the Pokeball slipped loose of the string, and fell to the ground.

Upon contact, it opened and released Mark, who immediately flew into the air and cried “Pidge-eeee!!”

This caught the trainer’s attention, giving the Butterfree that he was currently attempting to capture a chance to get away.

“Hey, you stupid Pidgey! Bulbasaur, Vine Whip!” Said the trainer, who turned out to be Lance.

Suddenly, two vines shot out from under the Bulbasaur’s bulb and wrapped themselves around Mark. Thinking fast, he started to peck the vines, and attack which he had recently learned from all of the battles he’d had in the forest. He eventually broke the vines and they fell to the ground. Pidgey, on the other hand, flew high into the air and used a gust to blow the Bulbasaur away. Then, he flew at top speed to look for Danny.


“Quick, use Water Gun!” Yelled Danny as the battle raged on. It was obvious that Chloe had the advantage over a fire-type, but Charmander had been in more battles, therefore it had more experience.

“Dodge it and use scratch!” Dante yelled. But the effort was useless as the water gun was too fast for Charmander to dodge. He fell to the ground and for a moment Danny thought it was over, but Charmander managed to stand up again.

Dante, angry that such a young Pokemon was doing so well against his Charmander, ordered his strongest attack. “Charmander, use Metal Cl-“


Danny looked up and saw Mark Flying toward him. “Where’d you come from?” He asked, a little confused.

He was breathing hard, and seemed worried.

Dante immediately accused him of cheating, due to two of his Pokemon being on the field at once.

But Danny wasn’t listening. He was more concerned with Mark and how he had gotten out of his Pokeball. While he was inspecting him, Mark flew out of his arms and looked back at him. Then, he flew a little farther and looked back at him again.

He wants me to follow him.’ Danny thought. “Come on Chloe.” He called as he ran after Mark.

“Poli!” She yelled as she happily trotted behind him.

“Get back here!” Dante yelled stomping his feet in anger. But Danny was already too preoccupied with his Pidgey to even hear him.


Mark had led him to the flower field. When he got there, he ran towards Lance clenching his fists in rage. He didn’t want to fight him, but he had no choice if he was to protect the Butterfree.

He swung, but his hand was stopped by a vine. He tried to swing with his left hand, but it was also stopped by a vine.

Lance giggled that it was too late, as he had already captured at least a dozen Butterfree.

Danny was breathing hard. He had to save the Butterfree. He knew that these trainers wouldn’t take care of them. “How about a Pokemon battle? If I win, you release all of the Butterfree that you’ve captured so far. If you win……. I won’t try to stop you while you capture the rest of the Butterfree.” He said reluctantly.

After a few moments of consideration, Lance finally agreed.


They were at the spot where Danny and Dante had previously been battling.

“Two-on-two?” Danny asked.

“Fine with me.” Lance answered nonchalantly. Then he threw a pokeball into the air that opened to release one of the freshly caught Butterfree.

“Freeeee!” She cried.

“You’re up.” He said to Chloe who jumped off his shoulder and ran onto the battlefield.

“Poliwag!” She yelled playfully.

As soon as Poliwag was on the field, Lance ordered a Confusion.

Danny didn’t know what to expect. He had never seen a confusion in action before. But before he knew it, he felt a strange wave come over him. He started to get dizzy and he could see that Chloe was suffering from the same effect. She had just tripped and wasn’t able to get up.

“Pathetic.” Lance said triumphantly. “What should I use next? How about a gust!?”

Upon hearing this, Butterfree started to flap her wings at a high speed, creating a small tornado similar to the one that Pidgey could create. It lifted Chloe up into the air, and then flung her onto the ground.

Chloe immediately jumped to her feet, and Danny could see that she had overcome the effects of confusion, as he had.

“Hypnosis!” Suddenly, the spiral on Chloe’s stomach began to spin, putting Butterfree into a deep sleep. She fell flat on her back, obviously not going to wake up anytime soon. “Water Gun!” Danny yelled. This was the final blow. As soon as the water hit the Butterfly Pokemon, she was clearly not asleep anymore. She had fainted, leaving Lance with only one more Pokemon.

To nobody’s shock, he chose Bulbasaur as his second Pokemon.

Bulbasaur, Danny’s Pokedex droned, the Seed Pokemon. It absorbs energy through sunlight. The greener the bulb on its back, the stronger the Bulbasaur is.

Danny picked up Chloe and threw out Mark’s Pokeball, knowing that flying-types were strong against grass-types.

Danny took to the offensive and ordered a Peck. Pidgey, who was already in the air, started to dive down towards Bulbasaur, his sharp beak about to make contact.

“Stop him with a vine whip!” Yelled Lance. Once again, vines shot out from Bulbasaur’s back and wrapped around Pidgey, stopping him in mid-air. Then, Bulbasuar slammed Mark hard onto the ground.

“Pi… Pidge…” Mark coughed out. The impact with the ground had knocked the breath out of him, but, otherwise, he was fine.

“Peck!” Danny yelled, but he didn’t know why, as Pidgey was already pecking through the vines.

Once it had freed itself, it flew up in the air to avoid another vine whip. Danny commanded a gust, and Pidgey began flapping its wings in a manner similar to the way that Butterfree had, creating another miniature tornado.

It sucked Bulbasaur into the air but, instead of being thrown toward the ground, kept spinning within the tiny twister. After going around a few times, Bulbasaur was flung high into the air and fell to the ground hard.

“Saur…” It was clearly hurt but somehow it found the energy to stand up.

“Use razor leaf!” Lance commanded, not seeming to care that his Pokemon was severely injured.

“Bulba…” It managed to say. Then he collapsed with no energy to stand up again.

“Weakling!” Lance yelled at his poor Pokemon. “You get up right now and use Razor Leaf!” After seeing that it wasn’t doing any good to yell, he recalled Bulbasaur back into its Pokeball.

“Now you’ve gotta release all of the Butterfree that you captured.” Danny said coolly.

“Fine.” Lance said, almost in a whisper.


It was about an hour later, and Lance had released all of the Butterfree that he had captured. The trio was now making their way through the forest.

“Wuss.” Dante muttered, obviously directing this comment at Lance. “Why would you release all of those Butterfree?”

“I didn’t.” Lance said slyly, while holding up a Pokeball. “I kept the one that I used in the battle.”

This whole time, Brianna had remained silent. Although she usually didn’t engage in deep thought, she kept thinking about Danny.

Why did he want to protect all of those Buppertree?’ She thought, not realizing that, once again, she had forgotten another name. She quickly brushed the thought away and continued to follow her comrades.


Meanwhile, Danny and his Pokemon were still wondering through the trees, far behind Dante, Lance, and Brianna. He knew that this recent venture had taken up a lot of time, but he was glad that he could save the Butterfree.

I must be through at least three-quarters of this forest.’ He thought. With this in his mind, he kept walking through the Viridian Forest, not realizing that an enemy was not far behind.
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Old 07-23-2007, 04:51 AM
Umbreon Ruler Offline
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 15
Default Re: It Begins

-_-; I guess I'll try another chapter...

Chapter 5: A New Challenge

It was a beautiful morning. The sun’s rays were pouring through the leaves on the trees in the large forest. The Pokemon were all out enjoying the gorgeous day that was before them.

Danny Carson had stopped to eat lunch beside a small river that ran through the Viridian Forest. His Pokemon were both enjoying their meals as well. Danny knew that they were almost out of this place, but he had been walking all day and he had to stop for a rest.

Chloe quickly finished her lunch and jumped in the river. “Poli! Poli!” She yelled gleefully. Just then, she was sucked under the water.

“Chloe?” Danny asked with a worried look on his face. He raced over to the side of the river and scanned the water’s surface for a trace of his little Poliwag. She was just a baby. Even if she was a superb swimmer, she couldn’t stay under the water that long.

“I’m coming, Chloe!” He shouted as he dived into the water. The river wasn’t very clear, but Danny could make out several Magikarp swimming past him. Then he saw her. Her tail was pinned under a rock on the river bottom. He picked up the rock and Chloe swam up to the surface. Danny quickly followed her, as he was about to run out of breath.

When his head emerged from the water, he saw a little girl running toward him. From here she looked quite innocent with her long blonde pigtails swaying with every step she took, and her large, shining, blue eyes looking on fearfully at Danny.

“I saw the whole thing!” She yelled worriedly. “Is your Poliwag okay?”

“Yeah she’s fine.” Danny answered, wondering who this small stranger was.

“Poor little girl.” The child said as she picked up Chloe.

“Who… Who are you?” Danny asked.

“Hm? Oh, my name is Samantha.” She said, holding out her hand.

Danny grabbed her hand and used it to pull himself out of the river. “Thanks. My name’s Danny.”

“Nice to meet you.” Then she pulled a potion out of her small pink purse. “This’ll make you feel better.” She said while spraying Chloe with the medicine. “What are you doing way out here?” She asked Danny.

“I’m working to become a Pokemon Master.” He said proudly.

“What kind of Pokemon do you have?” She asked with genuine interest.

“So far I just have a Poliwag and a Pidgey.” Answered Danny, a little embarrassed that he had so few Pokemon. “Do you have any Pokemon?” He asked, trying to change the subject.

“Just one.” She said. “Candice! Come out!” She yelled. Then a strange, snake-like Pokemon jumped out of the river.

For an instant, Danny thought that this girl might have been the culprit of the river incident, but he didn’t want to voice his concerns, for fear of making a wrong accusation.

“What is that thing?” He said while pulling out his Pokedex.

Dratini, the Dragon Pokemon. Once thought to be extinct, this Pokemon is extremely rare and powerful.

“Whoa.” Danny said, amazed that such a young trainer could own such a powerful Pokemon.

“Wanna battle?” she asked in a sweet, innocent voice. “It’s been a while since I’ve battled another trainer.”

“Not now.” Danny said, not exactly eager to turn down a battle. “My Pokemon have been battling a lot lately, and I want to give them a break.”

“How sweet!” She squealed, looking at Chloe and making baby noises. “Since your Pokemon are so tired, do you want me to help you get to Pewter City?”

“All right. It’s been a while since I’ve had some company.” He replied.


The beautiful day was turning ugly fast. Dark clouds were quickly gathering in the sky.

“I see the end!” Danny yelled, running towards the grassy area just outside of Viridian Forest.

Samantha was running right beside him.

As soon as he got out of the trees, he was stopped in his tracks by something hard and invisible.

“What is this?” He asked, rubbing his nose with one hand and knocking on the unseen barrier with the other.

“Great job Mr. Mime!” Samantha yelled with a smirk on her face.

“”What’s going on!?” Danny demanded angrily.

“You’re funny.” The girl said, holding back a laugh.

Danny didn’t know what to do. If this little girl was a guy, he would have punched the little delinquent. But he couldn’t hit a girl; especially a young one. Then, he was lifted into the air by an undetectable force.

“Wha… What the-”

“MIME!!” A strange, humanlike creature standing in the woods was moving his pasty hands in different directions. With every movement of his fingers, Danny flew in a different direction.

“What… Is… That… Thing!?” Danny managed to yell through all of the twists and turns. Then, he pulled out his Pokedex and pointed it at the odd Pokemon.

Mr. Mime, the Barrier Pokemon. It is able to create invisible walls using its special skill of pantomime.

“All right then…” He muttered. “Mark, go!” He shouted as he threw a Pokeball from his upside-down position.

“Pidge-eee!” Mark shouted as he was released.

“Peck his hands, Mark!” Danny shouted, hoping to wreck Mr. Mime’s hand signals.

He flew in towards the pallid hands, but was stopped by Candice, Samantha’s Dratini. She had used a Thunder Wave, and stopped Mark in mid-air.

“Now Candice, Wrap!” The young girl yelled.

Candice jumped toward Mark, who was now falling toward the ground and squeezed the Pidgey with its entire body.

“Use peck again!” Danny yelled frantically.

Pidge… Pidge…” He squawked each time he stabbed Dratini with his beak.

It’s not going to work.’ He thought. ‘Dratini’s too powerful.’ “All right, let’s see… I’ve got it!” He shouted triumphantly. “Chloe use Hypnosis!”

“Poli!” She shouted crossly as the spiral on her stomach began to turn.

Mr. Mime started to get a drowsy look in his eyes. “Mime… Mime.” Then, he fell straight on his back in an almost comedic fashion.

Danny immediately fell to the ground. He grunted as he landed on his neck after being held upside-down. “Chloe, Water Gun!” He cried, pointing at Dratini.

She inhaled deeply, and released a powerful jet of water that hit Candice right in the face. Although not enough to do any real damage to the powerful Pokemon, it did cause her to loosen her grip on Danny’s Pidgey.

Mark used the opportunity to fly into the air, and escape Candice’s grasp. He was still paralyzed, but he did manage to get safely away from the dangerous Dratini.

“One more time, Chloe! Hypnosis!” She did exactly as she was told, but unfortunately, her attack missed her target.

“Pathetic…” The girl mumbled. “Candice, EXTREMESPEED!!!”

Dratini suddenly disappeared. Or at least, that’s how it appeared. A moment later, Chloe was hit by a blur that turned out to be Candice.

“Keep it up!” She screamed.

Blur after blur it Chloe several times in succession. It seemed that it would never stop. Danny had to think of something.

“Mark, gust!” He yelled.

Mark, although he was paralyzed, managed to fly into the air and flap his wings to create a mini tornado that blew Candice into the river.

“You asked for it!” Samantha fumed. “Twister!”

Suddenly, a small whirlpool appeared in the river. It got stronger and stronger until it rose out of the water and into the air. Leaves were plucked off the trees and sucked into this raging cyclone.

“Gust is nothing compared to this.” Danny whispered to himself.

Chloe and Mark were struggling to stay on the ground. Mark managed to fly safely out of range of Candice’s attacks, but Chloe wasn’t so lucky. She was sucked into the whirling winds.


What can I do?’ Danny thought. He could see that Chloe was in pain and he was suffering just knowing that he couldn’t do anything about it.

It sucks in everything.’ Danny was thinking frantically.

“It’s all over!” Samantha yelled in victory.

That’s it! It sucks in everything!’ He realized. “Mark, use Sand Attack!”

Mark started flapping its wings toward the ground, creating a pint sized sandstorm. Just as Danny had planned, the twister sucked in all of the dirt. He could hear Candice wheezing inside the funnel, and it slowly quieted down to just as peaceful a day as it had been before.

SPLASH! Dratini had fallen into the river, completely knocked out.

“…Return.” Samantha mumbled, pointing the Pokeball at the river as the red light shot out and sucked in Candice.

Danny had picked up Chloe and was talking to her. “Think you can use one more attack?” He asked.

“Poli.” She said quietly, almost out of energy.

“Thanks. Now,” he said as he pointed her to Samantha, who was turned around, still grieving over her loss. “Hypnosis.”

The spiral on her stomach started turning and Samantha, not knowing what was going on, turned around and instantly fell to the ground, asleep. Then Chloe did so as well, having used up all of her power.

“I don’t know who you are… But you’d better stay away from me.” He said as he walked away from the slumbering child, carrying Chloe in his arms.

As soon as he stepped out of the forest, he took a deep breath of the fresh air. The forest smelled like tree sap and dirt. His current location, the northern part of Route 2, smelled like rain.

Wanting to get away from that Mr. Mime as quickly as possible, he started running to the north. The land was dark because of the rain clouds and he could see the city lights of Pewter ahead.

Along the way, he saw a large cave that looked as wild as a Pokemon. In front was a faded sign that you could barely read: Digl….s Ca…e. He made a mental note to explore that cave one day, and then set off again.

He was getting more excited with every step he took, but then he felt a raindrop on his nose.

“I gotta hurry.” He muttered.

The rain was getting heavier and heavier. Danny could barely see anymore, but he could tell that he had arrived in Pewter City by all of the lights surrounding him. Then, he saw a large, glowing, red “P”, which he knew to be the sign above every Pokemon Center.

He dashed in the automatic doors and shook himself dry, similar to the way a dog would. There was no need to be embarrassed though. There was only one other person in the Center besides himself and Nurse Joy. A young girl with… Blonde pigtails and blue eyes. She was looking straight at him with an evil grin on her face and a Dratini by her feet.

She winked and walked toward him. “Nice to see you again.”
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Old 07-24-2007, 01:19 AM
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Alonso Offline
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Default Re: It Begins

Very entertaining. One of the best stories I've read. Keep writing 'cause I really want to know what happens next.
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