Re: A Wrong Turn...
Well, firstly, you need some lessons in basic English grammar, because this is just littered with mistakes, and the worst part is that just about all of them could be fixed with Microsoft Word! Whenever typing up something, whether an essay for school or a story to post on a forum, type it on MS Word or a similar program because it will help you fix just about all your basic mistakes! That or get a parent, friend, older sibling, teacher or any kind of Beta to help you write in the future.
For example, Not every Random Word should Be capitalized. The only time a word will be capitalized is if it's right after a period or if it's a proper noun; the name of a person or place, such as Ash, Joshua, Cerulean City, Japan and so on.
Also, whenever addressing a person, there needs to be a comma before the name. Examples:
"Hi, Jessica, how are you?"
"Did you see that cute little bunny, Harry?"
"I already told you to go away, Sam!"
"They're your brothers, Ralts..."
Also note that there's a difference between "they're" and "their," not to mention "there." "They're" means "they are," so for example: "They're very nice people."
"Their" means "belonging to them," so for example: "Their hats were blue."
"There" refers to a place, so for example: "The pokéball is over there."
So you get the idea; the grammar was incredibly poor. Now, the story itself...still not good. Since this is illegally short I won't go into too much detail, but I'll say that this REALLY needs description to start with, because reading this is more like reading a textbook than a story. Actually, it feels more like the Bible, and not in a good way. Liven it up, paint a picture of a scene in the reader's mind! What is Eterna Forest, what does it look like, what time of day is it, what's the weather like? What does the egg look like; what kinds of colours and pattenrs are on it, how big is it? What do Gardevoir, Gallade and Kirlia look like? What does it look like when the Ralts is being born- does the egg explode, is the Ralts covered is goo? How does the family look or act when they see the Ralts being born and when they meet their little brother/sister to begin with?
Also, plenty of things didn't make sense. Like how could a BABY who was just born know how to talk perfectly? How does it know what a Mommy and Daddy and who they are is but not who its brothers or sisters are? Why is the mother already talking to Ralts as if she already knew it for a long time- she's not even treating it like a baby! Why isn't the Ralts crying when it's born like other animals, or have perfectly developed vocal chords and eyes that let it speak and see perfectly? Why is Ralts EXPECTED to know what a Mommy, Daddy, brother and sister are? Why didn't the egg at least crack when it was hatching like normal eggs do, and wouldn't the Ralts be covered in embriotic fluid?
Please do some research about newborn animals before writing about a birth. @.@
Really, unless you can pull your act together this is going to get locked because of poor quality. So good luck with that. :/
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