Member List
Calendar
F.A.Q.
Search
Log Out
Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000  
 

Go Back   Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000 » Interactive Boards » Creative Writing

Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 06-20-2007, 01:06 AM
grovyle1221's Avatar
grovyle1221 Offline
Experienced Trainer
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Ringtown
Posts: 169
Default Eeveeon's Adventure

This story is about a pokemon that i made up, known as Eeveeon.
Prologue-(below)
Chapter 1- (click here)
Prologue
A female Jolteon and a male Leafeon were sitting in a field next to an egg. The egg was speckled brown, purple, yellow, green, red, black, and two shades of blue.
“Isn’t it amazing?” Leafeon asked Jolteon.
“Yes, it is,” Jolteon replied, “but that egg doesn’t look right for an Eevee.”
“You’re righ-“
Just then, they heard a crack come from the egg. The egg all of a sudden exploded.
“Hey, some of us are trying to sleep here!!!!!” yelled Jolteon’s mother, an Espeon, and then went back to sleep.
When the smoke cleared, they saw a pokemon they had never seen before.
“EEVEEON!” It yelled.
__________________
-Nokomis

Last edited by grovyle1221; 06-20-2007 at 02:51 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 06-20-2007, 01:20 AM
Lucarichi's Avatar
Lucarichi Offline
Master Trainer
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Legions of the Internet
Posts: 313
Send a message via Yahoo to Lucarichi
Default Re: Eeveeon's Adventure

pretty short. ya know, it would b nice if u posted the next chappie two seconds later or in the same post. u should either put a longer prolouge or have the 1st chappie ready.
__________________
~LP
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 06-20-2007, 02:15 AM
grovyle1221's Avatar
grovyle1221 Offline
Experienced Trainer
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Ringtown
Posts: 169
Default Re: Eeveeon's Adventure

i was writing it.. anyways,

Chapter 1
Eeveeon woke up to Espeon's yellings. Not again, what does she want this time? She thought as she headed towards her grandmother’s bed.
“Why did you call?” Eeveeon asked.
“I just wanted some company!”
“Oh, ok,” Eeveeon said. She sat down next to her and started talking.
About an hour later, Jolteon walked in. “You need to get ready for training!”
“Ok Mom! See you later Grandma!” Eeveeon said as she ran off to eat her breakfast. Leaves again, I see, She thought. She then started eating them quietly.
------------
“Eeveeon, try using some attacks in the water. You need to know how to attack and swim in the water.” Leafeon said. Both he and Eeveeon were outside by the lake.
“Ok,” she said. When she padded into the water, she tried using Tackle, but instead, she transformed into Vaporeon. “That was kind of strange. What happened?”
“You might have evolved. I saw a Water Stone hiding in there yesterday.” Leafeon said, obviously puzzled.
“But I don’t feel like I evolved…” Eeveeon said and walked out of the water. She then turned back into the Eeveeon form.
“Your mother might want to see this,” Leafeon said.
“Ok, I’ll show her myself then,” Eeveeon focused on Jolteon and transformed into Jolteon. She sped off to show her mom. When she got home, it wasn’t exactly what she wanted to see.

I know it's short but i havent written a fan fic before. when i get more used to it, i should be writing longer chapters... im already starting chapter 2.
__________________
-Nokomis
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 06-20-2007, 03:04 AM
politoed123's Avatar
politoed123 Offline
Elite Trainer
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: with Britney Betch!
Posts: 687
Send a message via AIM to politoed123 Send a message via MSN to politoed123 Send a message via Yahoo to politoed123
Default Re: Eeveeon's Adventure

Ok no effence but this makes no sence and is retarded...
__________________
(both by collom) (made by pikahero)
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 06-20-2007, 03:10 AM
grovyle1221's Avatar
grovyle1221 Offline
Experienced Trainer
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Ringtown
Posts: 169
Default Re: Eeveeon's Adventure

ok it might really have been better if i Explained eeveeon.....

Eeveeon has the ability to transform into any evolution of eevee and then back to itself.

I might just quit, but ill keep working on chapter 2 sorry, mixed feelings...
__________________
-Nokomis
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 06-20-2007, 03:18 AM
Gear Offline
Master Trainer
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: In your kitchen cooking yur food...
Posts: 313
Default Re: Eeveeon's Adventure

Its waaaayyy to short dude
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 06-20-2007, 06:13 PM
grovyle1221's Avatar
grovyle1221 Offline
Experienced Trainer
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Ringtown
Posts: 169
Default Re: Eeveeon's Adventure

i know it is
Chapter 2 is already at least doubled, but, i kind of dont feel like writing a fanfic anymore
__________________
-Nokomis
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 06-22-2007, 01:16 PM
Realityxxx's Avatar
Realityxxx Offline
Elite Trainer (Level 4)
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Finding a Doredia
Posts: 4,034
Send a message via AIM to Realityxxx
Default Re: Eeveeon's Adventure

It was short, but good. You should never give up, no matter what. As for the others, Politoad, he said it was his FIRST STORY, so don't call him retarded! As for the rest, it was quite good! Keep working hard and your stories will be great.
__________________
URPG l VPP
あたまの はなかざりの かおりには リラックスさせる こうかが ある。ていれを なまけると かれてし まう。

The aroma from the flower decoration on it's head has a relaxing effect. It will wither if it is not cared for.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 06-22-2007, 02:04 PM
Shiny Loser's Avatar
Shiny Loser Offline
Elite Trainer (Level 2)
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Aboard the Failboat
Posts: 2,010
Send a message via MSN to Shiny Loser Send a message via Yahoo to Shiny Loser
Default Re: Eeveeon's Adventure

Quote:
Originally Posted by politoed123 View Post
Ok no effence but this makes no sence and is retarded...
Yeah, like your fics were any better.

Don't go calling people retards before figuring out if you yourself are one first. Like eh, no offense.
__________________
[clιcκ Ьαииεя тσ εмЬαяκ σи α тяαvεsтч σf α נσυяиεч][cяεdιт fσя sρяιтεs тσ мч Ьεlσvεd ραιя ρσκεЬσч sαяαЬ]
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 06-23-2007, 04:36 AM
Realityxxx's Avatar
Realityxxx Offline
Elite Trainer (Level 4)
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Finding a Doredia
Posts: 4,034
Send a message via AIM to Realityxxx
Default Re: Eeveeon's Adventure

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shiny Loser View Post
Yeah, like your fics were any better.

Don't go calling people retards before figuring out if you yourself are one first. Like eh, no offense.
Yeah, Politoad! By the way, Shiny, did you know he PMed me saying i was MENTALLY RETARDED?
__________________
URPG l VPP
あたまの はなかざりの かおりには リラックスさせる こうかが ある。ていれを なまけると かれてし まう。

The aroma from the flower decoration on it's head has a relaxing effect. It will wither if it is not cared for.
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 06-23-2007, 05:00 AM
Lord Fedora's Avatar
Lord Fedora Offline
ASB Official
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Y'all stay off my property!
Posts: 8,469
Send a message via AIM to Lord Fedora
Default Re: Eeveeon's Adventure

Kitten, Shiny, you are both completely right. It is never right to insult a Newbie, because they're trying their hardest to become good. Grovyle, you are in fact a Newbie as it stands, but you can't give up or else you can never be good. rust me, writing a fanfic is all about getting into the writing part and not letting anything distract you. What I do is not worry so much about the length and jsut focus on the story,. If you do that, you'll be so into it you'll have written three times the combined amount of both the prologue and the first chapter before you even realize you've been typing. Trust me, works every time.
__________________
URPG/ASB Stats
98% of teens won't stand up for God. Repost this if you think that statistic is the most laughable thing ever.
My new AIM username is GrayFedora12. Do not respond or click on links from any IMs from LordKhajmer.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 06-23-2007, 05:05 AM
Realityxxx's Avatar
Realityxxx Offline
Elite Trainer (Level 4)
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Finding a Doredia
Posts: 4,034
Send a message via AIM to Realityxxx
Default Re: Eeveeon's Adventure

Eeveeking forgot the "T" in Trust!
EDIT: MUST GET THREE MORE POSTS TO GET BLISS FINISHED...
__________________
URPG l VPP
あたまの はなかざりの かおりには リラックスさせる こうかが ある。ていれを なまけると かれてし まう。

The aroma from the flower decoration on it's head has a relaxing effect. It will wither if it is not cared for.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 06-23-2007, 11:56 AM
silverfrost's Avatar
silverfrost Offline
Elite Trainer (Level 2)
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 2,562
Send a message via AIM to silverfrost Send a message via MSN to silverfrost Send a message via Yahoo to silverfrost
Default Re: Eeveeon's Adventure

First of all, Grovyle1221, ignore comments like this:

Quote:
Originally Posted by politoed123 View Post
Ok no effence but this makes no sence and is retarded...
Second, also ignore comments like this, that are less offensive but not helpful in any way whatsoever:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gear View Post
Its waaaayyy to short dude

Listen, if you want to write fan fiction, I think you should go for it. I've been criticized hundreds of time by people that both do and don't know what they're talking about, and I've been insulted and flamed and all that fun stuf... but I'm going to keep writing stories regardless.

So anyway, I have some suggestions for you. =) I see in the Prologue that Leafeon and Jolteon hatch a strange egg. You've described the egg, but what about the rest of the scene? The reader doesn't know if the two Pokemon live in a forest, a jungle, by a river, etc. Therefore, it would be best to paint the picture really well. I say close your eyes and imagine Jolteon and Leafeon sitting by their nest. Ask yourself exactly what it all looks like, and then write that down. In that section, you might also want to descrive the relationship between the two Pokemon. Since Espeon is there as well, you can bring her into the picture, maybe talking about her being a harsh mother that depends on the care of the other two, for example.

Mainly what I think would help is using a lot more detail, like in this sentence:

Quote:
"Eeveeon woke up to Espeon's yellings. Not again, what does she want this time? She thought as she headed towards her grandmother’s bed.
“Why did you call?” Eeveeon asked."
Could become something like:

Quote:
Eeveeon woke up to Espeon's aggravating pleas for attention. "Not again... What does she want this time?" She thought irritably.

She got up from her grass bed in the forest where her parents, Jolteon and Leafeon, slept, and began trotting delicately over to her grandma. The soft pads on her paws touched the grass lightly as she moved, and the rising sun shined on her soft, brown fur, creating small speckles of light on her body.

She approached her grandmother's bed, which rested right up against an old, large tree. The lavender-colored Espeon sat lazily in the grass beside it, looking at Eeveeon expectedly.

"Why did you call?" Eeveeon asked her grandmother, and then sighed.
Even that is not quite enough detail, honestly. I would add as much as you can. Just write down everything about the scene- consider the environment, the way characters react to thing, the actions that they perform, etc. Describe everything.

Again, don't listen to people that can't even be bothered to give constructive criticism.
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 06-23-2007, 05:40 PM
Lord Fedora's Avatar
Lord Fedora Offline
ASB Official
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Y'all stay off my property!
Posts: 8,469
Send a message via AIM to Lord Fedora
Default Re: Eeveeon's Adventure

Quote:
Originally Posted by KittenGirl2000 View Post
Eeveeking forgot the "T" in Trust!
EDIT: MUST GET THREE MORE POSTS TO GET BLISS FINISHED...
No I did not forget the T. And Grovyle, listen to everything Silverfrost had to say, and let me tack one more piece of advice to that. Never ever ever give up. Practice always makes perfect, wether it's writing, drawing or jumping over seventy buses on a motercycle (although in theory if you didn't already have it good with the last one you'd be dead the first time, but whatever). Just keep practicing. Practice practice practic epractice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice and more practice. So please don't quit.
__________________
URPG/ASB Stats
98% of teens won't stand up for God. Repost this if you think that statistic is the most laughable thing ever.
My new AIM username is GrayFedora12. Do not respond or click on links from any IMs from LordKhajmer.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 06-23-2007, 05:51 PM
RawrIsMyMiddleName's Avatar
RawrIsMyMiddleName Offline
Elite Trainer (Level 4)
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Nameless HQ?
Posts: 4,427
Send a message via AIM to RawrIsMyMiddleName
Default Re: Eeveeon's Adventure

Quote:
Originally Posted by KittenGirl2000 View Post
Eeveeking forgot the "T" in Trust!
EDIT: MUST GET THREE MORE POSTS TO GET BLISS FINISHED...

Um, spam much?

But anyways, Grovyle, this has potential (sp?), so you can not give up. Before you post chapter 2, you can always edit the first chapter and prologue, to make this better. You can always do spelling/grammar check on Word. So, I would want you to try again.
Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 12:51 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Style Design: AlienSector.com