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Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #1  
Old 06-08-2007, 12:16 AM
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Cool Sorrow's Song

Sorrow's Song
A Pokemon Fan Fiction

Now, you see, I like to write... a lot... My teachers really like what I write and my friends like what I do in school... and they think I should try my hand at a fan fiction... So, I have decided to write a Fan Fiction with a large, real plot and cool characters. So, here I am, getting ready to write my first true fan fiction, titled "Sorrow's Song."

I will try to update when I can... I figure the chapters/parts will take me at least a day or two each... most likely more... but bear with me here; I want to make this good. The first chapter will not be following this post right after. Instead, I will be posting some character bios... And then perhaps some Pokemon bios (the main Pokemon of the story.

The Plot
Taking place in the region of Sinnoh, an unknown plot begins to unfold in the quiet setting of Hearthome City. Hearthome City is home to a new Pokemon Colosseum, otherwise known as the Canten Colosseum. To announce the grand opening of the Colosseum, select trainers would be chosen to challenge one of the strongest trainers in Sinnoh; Laci Roberts. One of Laci's biggest fans, Exelia, or better known as Exel, attends with her best friend, Seth. When the battles end, Exel goes to meet Laci personally. However, Team Mystic, a team that decended from Team Galactic, interrupt and cause the stadium to explode. Laci is seriously injured and looses her main, favored Pokemon in the ruins; Umbreon. Before Laci is taken to the hospital, she tells Exelia to find Umbreon and take care of it until she gets back. Exelia accepts the request and searches for Umbreon. It takes days, but she finds the distraught Pokemon. As she cares for Umbreon, the POkemon in the region seem to act wierd; they soon to become weak turn on the humans. However, Umbreon does not seem to be infected by the force. One night, in bed, Exel hears a low-pitched, harmonious song from outside. She finds out that she is the only person who could hear the music. She hears it again the next night. Deciding to investigate, Exelia takes Seth and Umbreon in to the forest to find the source of the sound. The three find the source of the song, a Noctowl named Sorrow. Sorrow explains to Exel why only she can hear the song and why the Pokemon are acting strangely. Sorrow soon tells Exel that she is the only one who can save the Pokemon. So, Exel, Seth, and Umbreon embark on an unforgetable journey.

Character Bios
These bios are for the two main characters, Exelia and Seth. There are two main Pokemon characters as well (possibly three), but I'm not going to give them bios at the moment; this post would be very long xD

Exelia Kaptain
Name: Exelia Kaptain
Nickname: Exel
Age: 14
Gender: Female
Height: Five Feet
Eight: 110 Pounds
Eye Color: Dark Olive Green
Hair Color/Length: Black Hair- About Half Way Down Back
Upper Wear: Light Blue T-Shirt
Lower Wear: Khaki Pants
Footwear: White Sneakers
Main Pokemon: None (Becomes Umbreon)
Personality: Exel is quiet but determined and aspires to become a strong trainer. She is very ahtletic and strong for a girl. SHe is also considered pretty by people but is too modest to ever think that way.

Seth Broth
Name: Seth Brot
Nickname: Seth
Age: 14
Gender: Male
Height: Five Feet 2 Inches
Weight: 119 Pounds
Eye Color: Gray-Blue
Hair Color/Length: Dark Brown- Average Male Lengthed Hair
Upper Wear: White T-Shirt with Red Logo
Lower Wear: Ligh Blue Jeans
Footwear: Brown Sneakers
Main Pokemon: Scyther
Personality: Seth is just older than Exel by a few months and has been her best friend since elemantry school. He is not very athletic but is great at battle. He recieved his Scyther from his grandfather as a gift before he died and has trained it to be extremely tough.

Comments/Reviews
COmments, reviews, or anything you can think of are welcome! I want to write for fan fictions in the future and your input will help me make them better :D

The Current Chapters
{x}Prologue
{x}Chapter 1



Please note that this information is not all you have to rely on for descriptions and stuff; it's just some background information you can fall on...
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Last edited by Espeon206; 06-09-2007 at 06:08 PM.
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  #2  
Old 06-08-2007, 12:18 AM
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Default Re: Sorrow's Song

Prologue
The rapid sounds of a quick footfall echoed along a dark chamber. The hall was shadowy and eerie, the only sources of light being candles strewn across the walls. The carpet that lined the floor was a shade of crimson; the color of freshly drawn blood. The walls were a dark red as well, giving the corridor a suspicious feeling. The candles sent writhing shadows to cast menacing shapes on to the wall and floor. The aphotic hall was rarely traveled; those few that did travel it, however, were carrying an urgent message that could not be forgotten.

A dark figure quickened its pace as it dashed through the hall urgently. The shady shape looked like a black silhouette as it passed the small candles. However, the shape of a man could be made out as it made its way by. His dark green hair was down to his ears, shuffling about as he jogged down the hallway. His mysterious gray-brown color darted back and fourth as he rushed toward his destination. He wore a specific uniform; gray pants and a white shirt. However, the shirt sported a figure; a large, blue-white colored “M.”

The man breathed heavily as he slowed his pace to a brisk walk. He was reaching the end of the hallway; his destination. He stopped at a large oak door, the wood being a rich brown. Pictures of legendary Pokemon were carved into the door. The two legendary Pokemon of the Sinnoh region, Dialga and Palkia, were featured in the middle. Other pictures bordered the main etches, including two large birds, the legendary Pokemon of the Johto region. A human like Pokemon took its place near the top of the door; the legendary Pokemon of the Kanto region; Mewtwo.

Turning his attention to an intercom system at the side of the doorframe, the man pressed the button with his finger. The button beeped as a man’s voice crackled through the speaker.

“Yes? What is it?” a cold voice rattled. The voice had an edge to it, like the man had no interest in the visitor.

“This is Matthew, I need to talk to you right away; it’s urgent,” the man muttered into the speaker from outside. He tapped his free hand impatiently against his leg.

“Then talk you idiot…” the cold voice shot back, a hint of annoyance apparent in his voice.

“It’s confidential, sir; I need to talk to you in private…” Matthew muttered at a whisper outside. “And it needs to be soon…” he added quickly.

“Come in… but it better be good…” the voice snapped from the intercom. With those ending words, the oak door began to slide open slowly, groaning reluctantly as it dragged across the floor.

Matthew stuck his head through the door before he cautiously stepped in. The room looked similar to the hallway, a crimson red carpet as well as dark red walls. Once again, the only sources of light were small candles mounted on the wall. There was only one window, but dark, velvet curtains covered it, preventing any speck of light to enter. Eerie shadows were cast across the room in different shapes and forms. Some moved and flickered, while others just cast gloomy shapes across the low-illuminated chamber.

A large chestnut desk was stuck in the middle of the room. The top of the piece of furniture was covered in papers and books. Pens were scattered carelessly around. A large, dark man was perched in a large, black, leather office chair. His face bore a frown and it his forehead wore aged wrinkles that never seemed to leave. He sported a unibrow that was gray with age. He tapped his foot impatiently as he strummed his pudgy fingers against his desk.

“What do you want now…” he snapped, his voice almost seeming to growl. “If this is a waste of my time you will be escorted out… And it won’t be pleasant.”

“No sir, it’s not a waste of your time. It’s about your plan to ruin Canten Colosseum…” Matthew stuttered, glimpses of fright flashing in his eyes.

“How did you idiots mess up this plan!?” the large man roared, hitting his desk with his large fist.

“No… it’s not that!” Matthew stuttered again. He shivered in fear of the angry man, his eyes never leaving the man’s face.

“Then why are you here!?” the man at the desk yelled. He clutched his fist, his knuckles beginning to turn white.

“We… we…” Matthew began.

“OUT WITH IT!” the man at the desk snapped.

“We have gone along with the plan; we plan on destroying the Colosseum as scheduled…” Matthew said quickly, his eyes glazed with fear.

“Yes…. YES!” the man yelled, his frown transforming in to a smug grin. “This is perfect… just how I wanted it…” He paused and turned to Matthew. “Thank you Matthew… You may go now… Keep up the good work…”

“Yes, sir,” Matthew said as he turned quickly. His muscles loosened up from their tense state as relief danced through his eyes. Quickening his pace, he exited the office as the heavy oak doors shut behind him with a groan.

The man from the office stood up and pushed in his office chair. He made his way to the enclosed window behind his desk and opened the shades. The early rays of dawn flitted through the window, the room illuminated a bit more from the natural light. Outside, the sun was just rising over the horizon, allowing its morning rays to just touch the skies above.

“This is it… the moment I have been waiting for…” the man muttered to himself. “The one time my team will shine… We will not mess up this plan; we will successfully destroy the new Colosseum and Team Mystic will have Sinnoh’s people at our feet, begging for mercy… As long as this part of the plan goes on correctly, Team Mystic will be able to attempt to take over all of the Pokemon in the region…” the man muttered again.

“Our ancestor team, Team Galactic, failed their mission miserably. But Team Mystic, being descendants from Team Galactic, will not allow children to mettle with our affairs. With I, Shawn Planinton, as Team Mystic’s leader, we shall not fail!” the man finished. He started to laugh a cold, evil laugh. The region of Shinnoh had no idea about what was coming about to happen.
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Last edited by Espeon206; 06-09-2007 at 10:42 PM.
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  #3  
Old 06-08-2007, 03:17 PM
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Default Re: Sorrow's Song

it is really good. cant wait to hear more!
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Old 06-08-2007, 05:30 PM
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Default Re: Sorrow's Song

Your teachers are right: your description is wonderful and very deep. And your style is excellent.

However, your description may be too deep. Be careful not to over describe things so that the reader is wallowing in description. Many, including myself, struggle with this balance of describing properly. It is a constant battle.

Other than that, you also have bios and a plot in the first post. Usually, that's a big no-no, as it means your probably going to trust readers to rely on that information. However, if you don't, that would be fine.

Your plot sounds interesting. As long as you balance your description and work out your style and characters, I can see this being pretty good.

Oh: and as a side note, usually, people tend to post chapters less than once a week, as any quicker pace often will lose readers quickly.
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Old 06-08-2007, 07:15 PM
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Default Re: Sorrow's Song

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sceptile Frost View Post
Your teachers are right: your description is wonderful and very deep. And your style is excellent.

However, your description may be too deep. Be careful not to over describe things so that the reader is wallowing in description. Many, including myself, struggle with this balance of describing properly. It is a constant battle.

Other than that, you also have bios and a plot in the first post. Usually, that's a big no-no, as it means your probably going to trust readers to rely on that information. However, if you don't, that would be fine.

Your plot sounds interesting. As long as you balance your description and work out your style and characters, I can see this being pretty good.

Oh: and as a side note, usually, people tend to post chapters less than once a week, as any quicker pace often will lose readers quickly.
Thank you so much for the tips :D I will admit that I do tend to over do descriptions... I just like to write them xD

And about plot/character bios, that's not what people will need to rely on; when I start the first chapter (I started it, but bearly), the beginning introduces the characters, their looks, and their personalities, but not right out... Never mind my rambling; you'll see what it's like.

And thanks for the tip about the chapters too; I /used/ to do that with other fan fics I've written (nothing big) but people got impatient xD
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Old 06-09-2007, 12:02 AM
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Default Re: Sorrow's Song

I agree with Sceptile Frost as well.
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Old 06-09-2007, 12:34 AM
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Default Re: Sorrow's Song

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gogeta5214 View Post
I agree with Sceptile Frost as well.
Thanks

I am writing the first chapter now
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Old 06-09-2007, 04:21 PM
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Default Re: Sorrow's Song

Hey there!

I've started to read your Fan Fiction... One word... WOAH!

I'm interested in writing something like this... Your's is really good.

Not to draw the attention away from you, Espeon206, but can anyone give me some pointers on making a good Fan Fiction please?

Don't post it in this thread... It'll ruin the story

Just PM me...

Thanks in advance,

Djax94
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Old 06-09-2007, 04:40 PM
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Default Re: Sorrow's Song

Quote:
Originally Posted by djax94 View Post
Hey there!

I've started to read your Fan Fiction... One word... WOAH!

I'm interested in writing something like this... Your's is really good.

Not to draw the attention away from you, Espeon206, but can anyone give me some pointers on making a good Fan Fiction please?

Don't post it in this thread... It'll ruin the story

Just PM me...

Thanks in advance,

Djax94
Wow, thanks :) I've never gotten so much positive feedback before. I'm working on the first chaoter -has MW document open- right now and am taking in all of the positive/negative feedback and tips that I've gotten already :) And I'll PM you right away :D
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Old 06-09-2007, 05:19 PM
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Well, here's chapter one. It's not a masterpiece and it's on the short side, but I basically just made it first so I could start to introduce the main characters and their personalities. The chapters will get more descriptive and longer as I go on :D

Chapter 1

“Come on Seth, we’re going to be late! A Slowpoke could get there before you do at your pace!” a girl’s voice rang out in a fake whine. She was pulling on a boy’s arm, her muscles straining to pull his weight. She stood about five feet and had a skinny body. She wore a light blue shirt as well as baggy, khaki pants. Her expressive eyes were a dark olive green color. Her hair was jet-black and fell neatly down half of her back. A stray strand lay in her face, which she tenderly blew back. Her eyes were full of excitement, but a hint of amusement was apparent as she tugged at her friend’s arm.

“I’m coming Exelia! You are the most impatient fourteen-year-old I will ever meet!” the boy responded teasingly, standing his ground from Exelia’s pull. Seth wore light blue jeans as well as a white T-shirt, which sported the red logo “PokeManiac.” A brown belt hugged his waist as it held a single Pokeball. Black shoes supported his feet. He had messy light brown hair; there was always a piece of hair sticking up somewhere or a piece hanging over his eye. On this particular day, he wore a black baseball cap as he did on very rare occasions. His eyes were a blue color with a hint of a mysterious dark gray color. They almost always seemed to be clouded over with thought; but today they were clear and full of excitement.

“I don’t want to be late for these battles Seth; this is probably the only time Canten Colosseum will ever host battles with such a strong trainer; this’ll be a chance of a lifetime! This is Laci Roberts that’s coming to Canten Colosseum; one of the toughest trainers in all of Shinnoh! ” Exelia complained. She stopped pulling on Seth’s arm as her gaze turned serious. The stray strand of hair fell back into her face as she stood up straight, shifting her weight.

Seth rolled his eyes as he started to speak. “Exel, at this rate we’ll be there with plenty of time to spare. You made us leave how early?” he said with a sigh, raising his eyebrows with this last sentence. He shuffled his feet in annoyance against the ground, creating a puff of dirt to emit itself into the air. Although Seth was Exelia’s best friend, sometimes he couldn’t stand her constant determination.

“That’s because there are going to be so many people there Seth! It’s not every day a new colosseum opens and one of the strongest trainers in Shinnoh is there to battle for the grand opening! Just think about all you can learn about battling and raising your Scyther just by watching the trainer; it’ll be great for the both of you,” Exelia explained, a glint of hope in her eyes. She paused and stuck her hand in her pocket as she fished around for something. She pulled out two tickets as she looked back at Seth. “Plus, I have the tickets. They clearly say that if we don’t get there on time, the Colosseum could easily sell our seats.

“I guess your right…” Seth muttered reluctantly, not wanting to agree with his friend. “I guess Scyther and I could learn a lot from this trainer…” he said, pausing to examine Exel’s eager face. “Scyther still hasn’t gotten over my grandfather’s death; he won’t listen to me at all.”

Seth’s only Pokemon was a single Scyther he had received as a last request from his grandfather. An elite trainer, Seth’s grandfather had grown up with his Scyther and had been close to an unbeatable team. However, his grandfather had suddenly fallen ill with an unknown disease. His illness slowly paralyzed his body, preventing him to travel, battle, and later forced him to use a wheelchair. The disease then slowly shut down his major organs, making the battle one-sided. Before he died however, the last thing he ever did was hand Seth Scyther’s Pokeball and vaguely whispered, “Take care of Scyther; you’ll be great together. Just believe in each other and that I will always be with you.”

“I’m sure she’ll have some kind of advice. I mean, look at the bond she has with her Pokemon; she’s got to know something about a mourning Pokemon… Her team is so strong… especially her main Pokemon; her Umbreon. It’s so strong because they have such a great bond. If some stranger were to ever just find Umbreon and attempt to train it, I doubt it would respond” Exel said sympathetically as she nodded her head in encouragement. “Anyway,” she began, blowing the stray strand of hair away from her face once again, “we won’t know until we get there!” She paused and looked at Seth, a hint of mischief in her face. “And I know just how to get you there!” she joked. With a sly move, she stole Seth’s baseball cap and sprinted forward, leaving puffs of airborne dust in her path.

“Hey… What?” Seth stuttered confusingly as Exelia stole the hat off his head. He put a hand up to his head and felt his scruffy hair as he realized what his friend had done. “That’s not fair!” he called out as he started running forward. “I wasn’t ready you cheater!” his voice rang out.

“You’ve got to catch me first if you ever want to see your hat again!” Exelia joked, her voice ringing throughout the air. The two friends sprinted on toward the new Canten Colosseum of Hearthome City.
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Old 06-09-2007, 05:45 PM
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Default Re: Sorrow's Song

It's great I can't wait to hear the remaining chapters!
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Old 06-09-2007, 05:51 PM
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Default Re: Sorrow's Song

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gogeta5214 View Post
It's great I can't wait to hear the remaining chapters!
Thanks :D That'll probably be the worse chapter of them all. Like I said, I basically added it so I could start to introduce the main characters' appearances and personalities :D I've already started on the Second Chapter. I'm writing so much today because I'm sick and I won't have alot of time to work on it tomorrow
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Old 06-09-2007, 09:59 PM
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Default Re: Sorrow's Song

Wow, congratulations on beginning an excellent first fanfic. The plot is very intriguing, and I can't wait to see what you do with it.

Sceptile Frost is right about the correct amount of description being a difficult thing to acheive, but I actually think you're doing very well with that. In fact, I'd say your description is my favorite part.

One suggestion I have is to try to avoid using the same adjective a lot. For example, in the first two paragraphs of the prologue, you use the word "dark" often. Maybe to switch it up, you could say "shadowy" or "mysterious" or something. I'm guilty of doing the same thing a lot actually, but when I read my work aloud, it really helps me to realize that I should grab a thesaurus and switch the words around a bit.

You're doing very well, and I can't wait until Chapter 2. Keep them coming. :)
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Old 06-09-2007, 10:33 PM
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Default Re: Sorrow's Song

Quote:
Originally Posted by silverfrost View Post
Wow, congratulations on beginning an excellent first fanfic. The plot is very intriguing, and I can't wait to see what you do with it.

Sceptile Frost is right about the correct amount of description being a difficult thing to acheive, but I actually think you're doing very well with that. In fact, I'd say your description is my favorite part.

One suggestion I have is to try to avoid using the same adjective a lot. For example, in the first two paragraphs of the prologue, you use the word "dark" often. Maybe to switch it up, you could say "shadowy" or "mysterious" or something. I'm guilty of doing the same thing a lot actually, but when I read my work aloud, it really helps me to realize that I should grab a thesaurus and switch the words around a bit.

You're doing very well, and I can't wait until Chapter 2. Keep them coming. :)
I just reread it and you're right about the word "dark." I like your suggestion of shadowy though :D

And thanks for the tips! Chapter 2 is already being worked on
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Old 06-10-2007, 02:48 AM
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Default Re: Sorrow's Song

i love this it is so great!
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