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Go Back   Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000 » Interactive Boards » Creative Writing

Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #1  
Old 05-28-2007, 01:50 PM
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Default if me and my firneds were placed in the pokemon world what would it be like? see it

one day at recess the earth started to rumble and a small platform appeared. there were many bags with names on them and I found a bag with mine on it. I took it and opened it up and found 6 pokeballs i threw 1 and found out that i had gotten my very own pokemon. it was a piplup. i took it out and looked to see if it was a hologram or real. It was real!!! i challenged my friend madi to a battle and found she got a torchic here is how the battle went

piplup used water gun
torchic lost 40 of his 80 HP
torchic used ember piplup lost 10 of its 80 Hp
piplup used water gun
torchic fainted

Noooooo. yeeeeeessss. noooooo. yeeeesss!!! i swear i will get you!!! man this change in life seems to be changing personallitys.


more of this later! i hope you liked the first part!
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  #2  
Old 05-28-2007, 04:07 PM
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Default Re: if me and my firneds were placed in the pokemon world what would it be like? see

we're back!
then i looked deeper into the bag and found out i had a poketech. cool i said. then i turned it on and went to the schedule. heres what it said
priorities:
1: catch pokemon
2: heal
3: battle

hmmm i said. i can catch pokemon? well i guess i'll start looking for buneary. i looked aound until i saw my friend chris battling one. i ran over and then told piplup used tackle on chrises pokemon and they battled. heres how it went
piplup used tackle
mime jr. lost 30 of its 80 hp and used calm mind
piplup was able to overcome the mind control and used ice beam
mime jr. fainted...
Ha! i win! i said. i will get you for this! said chris! jeez everyone seems to be changing. i wonder if i am? but anyway... back to busyness. i said i have to catch buneary! i turned to buneary.
go piplup!
here is how the battle went:
piplup used ice beam!
buneary lost 60 of its 90 hp and used slash
piplup lost 40 of its 80 hp and used scratch and a poke ball
buneary lost 20 of its remaining 40 hp and was caught!
Yay! i said as i did a little jig. maybe i will catch one more pokemon then heal... i looked around until i saw a treecko jumping from tree to tree. Go Buneary! i said i told Buneary to climb up the tree and slash treecko until he fell and then fight it!
heres how the battle went:
buneary used slash
treecko fell from the tree and lost 70 of his 90 hp
treecko got up.
i threw a poke ball
Treecko was caught! HOORAY!!! now its time to heal pokemon i said as i was walking toward the pokemon center. i looked toward the blacktop which had now turned into a battle field and saw chris and madi racing toward me. i suddenly dashed into the pokemon center. will you heal my pokemon? i asked. sure said the nurse. i put my pokemon on a tray and she put them on a little machine and then gave them back to me. i left the pokemon center to find my former friends standing at the door.
i will be posting more!
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  #3  
Old 05-28-2007, 09:12 PM
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Default Re: if me and my firneds were placed in the pokemon world what would it be like? see

i'm back!
i stepped outside to find my former friends standing outside the door we challenge you to a pokemon battle! they said. ok... one sec i gotta do something. i got out my poketech and put on match call. then i called my friend william. i'll be there in a sec. he said over the phone. suddenly a staravia swooped down with william ontop of it. Wow! i exclaimed! cool pokemon. thanks. said william. lets get this batte started. (takes out a boombox and puts on intense fighting music) Go mime jr.! said chris. Go torchic! said madi. Go machop! said william. Go Buneary! i said. here is how the battle went:
william i have a plan. i whispered. what? william asked.ok heres what we do: machop and buneary use agility and zoom next to madi and chrises pokemon, jump up in the air and use dynamic punch straight down on theyre head, then our pokemon pluck them from the ground and use mega kick to kick them against each other. that should get those pokemon. ok william said. we used the plan. and heres how it went:
machop and buneary used the plan.
torchic and mime jr. fainted.
what? 2 more pokemon! krap!
mudkip used water gun
machop fainted! and staravia came out.
buneary used... save the day! super hero music came on!
mudkip and mime jr. fainted
HA IN YOUR FACE!!! Nooooooo my former friends said yeeees i said we will get you for this! they said. but then the earth started to rumble again! a GINORMOUS building popped up it said... adoption center? hmmmm i bettter check this out. i said. i ran over there and asked if i could adopt a pokemon. i looked at the pokemon up for adoption and saw a pidgeyotto. i adopted it and left the adoptian center.
more of the story later
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  #4  
Old 05-28-2007, 09:24 PM
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Default Re: if me and my firneds were placed in the pokemon world what would it be like? see

I'm sorry, but this is just awful.

1) Please use proper grammar.
2) Check spellings.
3) Use speech marks.
4) Start a new line when someone new speaks.
5) Description, anyone?!
6) Your character: Who are you? What's your name? What school? When was recess? How old are you? What do you look like? Were you shocked? Happy? Surprised? What?

This wouldn't even pass as a roleplay post. Ever. Look at the other fan fics around here. You'll see what I mean.
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  #5  
Old 05-29-2007, 04:40 PM
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Default Re: if me and my firneds were placed in the pokemon world what would it be like? see

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tombi View Post
I'm sorry, but this is just awful.

1) Please use proper grammar.
2) Check spellings.
3) Use speech marks.
4) Start a new line when someone new speaks.
5) Description, anyone?!
6) Your character: Who are you? What's your name? What school? When was recess? How old are you? What do you look like? Were you shocked? Happy? Surprised? What?

This wouldn't even pass as a roleplay post. Ever. Look at the other fan fics around here. You'll see what I mean.
*aggrees* yes, srsly, make his longer, and have proper grammar
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  #6  
Old 05-30-2007, 12:10 PM
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Default Re: if me and my firneds were placed in the pokemon world what would it be like? see

as i left the adoption enter the earth started to rumble but louder and harder now.
pidgeotto fly! we flew up into the air and saw buildings popping up in the place of other buildings!holy smokes! now there were team aqua and magma members running around!
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
a storm? i questioned.
when i looked i saw... KYOGRE!!! and now there were huge footsteps? GROUDON!!! what? everything is getting louder? DIALGO AND PALKIA!!! KRAP!!!
i looked around and saw a ralts. hmmmm. i said. I an use it to teleport those evil goons and monsters to another city. i quickly chose treecko who use quick kick on it and i threw a poke ball and caught it.
go ralts! i said. use teleport! all the huge legendarys were teleported away. but the goons stayed. darn! i guess we'll have to fight them i said sadly.
i took out my poknave and called a bunch of friends. Chris and madi william and ryan gwen and brittney everyone!
how dare you try to interear with our line of duty!some magma and aqua members.
So what are you gonna do about it! i yelled.
we challenge you to a battle! they said.
(action music turns on)
Jake vs grunt
chris vs grunt
madi vs grunt
william vs grunt
amelia vs grunt
tune in next time to see how ir turns out
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  #7  
Old 05-31-2007, 01:20 AM
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Default Re: if me and my firneds were placed in the pokemon world what would it be like? see

*Hides* I agree with Tombi! Read some fan fics, you'll see how good they are. Shouldn't this be in pokemon Fan fic, although, this wouldn't pass for nothin'
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  #8  
Old 05-31-2007, 01:27 AM
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Default Re: if me and my firneds were placed in the pokemon world what would it be like? see

Quote:
piplup used water gun
torchic lost 40 of his 80 HP
torchic used ember piplup lost 10 of its 80 Hp
piplup used water gun
torchic fainted
I have to admit that that was slightly funny, and sad. Make the attacks more exciting, and don't say "this pokemon lost that much HP!" because then you make your fanfic almost exactly like the game, and that's not what you're trying to aim for.

Other than that, I quote everybody else. XP
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  #9  
Old 05-31-2007, 07:30 AM
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Default Re: if me and my firneds were placed in the pokemon world what would it be like? see

umm... about your last chapter...

He calls all his freinds. you list names. Not all of them actually battle. They never arrive either, were they just... There? Lots of spelling errors too. Its not that Exiting either, or sensible. Not enough explaining. DESCRIBE YOUR CHARACTERS, THE AREA THEY ARE IN, ETC. OR ELSE YOU CAN'T REALLY IMAGINE THIS STUFF!!!!

It would help if we knew what these things looked like. Like a description of my eye color would be:

Her eyes were light blue-gray, like the clouds before a storm. you almost expected too see the sun move out from behind them.

Yes my eyes are blue-gray, but BTS, please add a little description too your fic. And don't forget to put "marks around your speech". That was an error too.

If you add a little comedy, explanation and good spelling, your fic could turn out really nice.
Example:

I pulled out my Pokenav and called all of my friends. "CHRIS!? CHRIS, ARE YOU THERE!?" I screamed into the Pokenav. I heard a cough, and looked behind myself too find Chris standing there.

So add a little more comedy and stuff, as i said, and people will flock to your fic. If you don't want comedy thats okay too. Just my style.
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  #10  
Old 05-31-2007, 11:46 AM
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Default Re: if me and my firneds were placed in the pokemon world what would it be like? see

ok lets see... HAVE YOU READ THE BEGINNING??? we are in school! DUH!!! i'm jake my friends are in the school yard at recess. there you go. the following post is my next chapter.
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  #11  
Old 05-31-2007, 11:52 AM
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Default Re: if me and my firneds were placed in the pokemon world what would it be like? see

Quote:
Originally Posted by Treeky111 View Post
ok lets see... HAVE YOU READ THE BEGINNING??? we are in school! DUH!!! i'm jake my friends are in the school yard at recess. there you go. the following post is my next chapter.
Meh. I think you should improve on what you've written now before you actually carry on.

This could be better. Read some other fanfics (like mine ) and you'll see how much you can improve.

Until then, people are just going to criticize your "fic".

By the way, you need quotation marks.
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Last edited by Shiny Loser; 05-31-2007 at 12:01 PM.
  #12  
Old 05-31-2007, 11:58 AM
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Default Re: if me and my firneds were placed in the pokemon world what would it be like? see

BOOM!!! ow........ said all the kids. we lost. jake said. kekeh! said a magma goon. we have won! No! you cheated! i said. kekeh! the orb of fire gives us the power to summon the power of groudon. said a magma goon. we've gotta get the orb. whispered brittney.
yeah. said chris. hmmmm i said. Go Ralts! Teleport the orb to me! Ralts used teleport. the orb fell into my hands. Noooo! get him! said a magma goon AHHHHH!!! said a bunch of magma goons as they ran toward me.
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  #13  
Old 05-31-2007, 12:20 PM
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Default Re: if me and my firneds were placed in the pokemon world what would it be like? see

First off, this is in the wrong section. At this point, that barely matters though.

I really, really recommend reading the Fan Fiction Rules and Guidelines before writing any further. Your grammar is highly flawed and needs a lot of work. Meanwhile, the story is very uninspired, lacks description and background, and your chapters should be at least two pages in MS Word, which I know they're not.

If you want me to reopen this, then improve your writing, fix your errors, and PM them to me, and I'll see if its good enough to be continued.

*Locked
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