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Go Back   Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000 Interactive Boards Creative Writing

Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #16  
Old 05-26-2007, 10:27 PM
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Default Re: Jhoto Journyes

I agree witht that other guy (lol) don't rush the fanfic. Let the ideas come to you, and the fic will be great!

BTW I think you spelt the tittle wrong...
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  #17  
Old 05-26-2007, 10:29 PM
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Default Re: Jhoto Journyes

Quote:
Originally Posted by JentleViolence View Post
I agree witht that other guy (lol) don't rush the fanfic. Let the ideas come to you, and the fic will be great!

BTW I think you spelt the tittle wrong...
I did!? What do you mean? And I hope not

"Oh no!" Silver says nervously

LOLZ
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  #18  
Old 05-26-2007, 10:43 PM
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Default Re: Jhoto Journyes

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought that "Journyes" is supposed to be spelt "Journeys".
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  #19  
Old 05-26-2007, 10:47 PM
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Default Re: Jhoto Journyes

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Originally Posted by JentleViolence View Post
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought that "Journyes" is supposed to be spelt "Journeys".
EEP! I'll be rite back
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  #20  
Old 05-26-2007, 10:48 PM
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Default Re: Jhoto Journyes

Lol. Johto Journeys. You spelt johto as jhoto in your fic too.
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  #21  
Old 05-26-2007, 10:49 PM
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Default Re: Jhoto Journyes

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Originally Posted by Rawr View Post
Lol. Johto Journeys. You spelt johto as jhoto in your fic too.
Um... It IS Jhoto... Not Johto... The Journyes was wrong, it should have ben Journeys... and it is, now
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  #22  
Old 05-26-2007, 10:56 PM
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Default Re: Jhoto Journyes

Quote:
Originally Posted by JentleViolence View Post
I agree witht that other guy (lol) don't rush the fanfic. Let the ideas come to you, and the fic will be great!

BTW I think you spelt the tittle wrong...
BTW lol. you spelt "title" wrong. I think we're actually bumping up the thread so we better just stick to reviewing and chapter posting.
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  #23  
Old 05-26-2007, 11:04 PM
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Default Re: Jhoto Journyes

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Originally Posted by Rawr View Post
BTW lol. you spelt "title" wrong. I think we're actually bumping up the thread so we better just stick to reviewing and chapter posting.
I'd like that... I'm gonna go look at my new cards, than start writing the 3rd chapter. This is great :) Dark Ghost type pokemon cards should inspire the darkness in me and the fact that I left the story in the darkness of night... Man this is gonna be great *goes off to type*
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  #24  
Old 05-26-2007, 11:37 PM
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Default Re: Jhoto Journeys

Hmm. Here's a list of tips:

1. JentleViolence is right; it is spelled Johto, not Jhoto. I've checked Serebii, Psypoke, and Pokémon.com. And my Crystal version.

2. Please go into more detail. At a quick glance, one could mistake it for a script.

3. Think waaaaayy out of the box for great and innovating ideas. It's not that it doesn't do that now, I just feel this fanfic has the potential for that.

Oh, what do you know! Only three! Well, I'll look over your chapters. I hope you keep these basic things in mind as your story develops. *goes to write my fanfic*
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  #25  
Old 05-27-2007, 12:50 AM
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Default Re: Jhoto Journeys

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hoshika View Post
Hmm. Here's a list of tips:

1. JentleViolence is right; it is spelled Johto, not Jhoto. I've checked Serebii, Psypoke, and Pokémon.com. And my Crystal version.

2. Please go into more detail. At a quick glance, one could mistake it for a script.

3. Think waaaaayy out of the box for great and innovating ideas. It's not that it doesn't do that now, I just feel this fanfic has the potential for that.

Oh, what do you know! Only three! Well, I'll look over your chapters. I hope you keep these basic things in mind as your story develops. *goes to write my fanfic*
I've been mispelling Johto all this time... Well, I've allready written the 3rd chapter so... I'll correct it On chapter four

---

Chapter III

Silver & Jasmine vs Falkner

---

“Brrr, it sure is cold out” Says Silver

“Ra-alts” Says Ralts, shivering

“No time to think about the cold... We must return to our training” Says Silver

“Ralts, use Confusion on that tree” Silver commands

“RALTS!” Replies Ralts

*But to silvers surprise, Ralts uses... Psychic!?*

“RAAAAAALTS!” Ralts yells

“Whoa... Was that a Psychic” Silver asks Ralts

“*wink*” Ralts winks cutely at Silver

“That is SO cool” exclaims Silver

“I suppose we should be getting back to the cabin” Silver thinks to himself

*The next morning*

“WHAT!” Silver shouts

“Oh yes, according to these reading from the new machine I recieved from the region of Fiore. This Ralts is at approximately level 70” Nurse Joy says

“So this Ralts is really, REALLY High leveled” Silver asks

“I had no idea“ Jasmine Says

“Well... Lets get going to the gym” Silver says, grinning ear to ear

“But, with Ralts as high leveled as she is, it won‘t be exactly “fair” to the gym leader”

“Fair-Smair!” Silver shouts

“With a Pokemon as High leveled as Cuddles, Y-” Silver is suddenly inturrepted

“Cuddles” Asks Jasmine

“Yes, I nicknamed Ralts, Cuddles” Silver says, face blushing as red as that of a Magby

“Thats a interesting nick-name” Jasmine says

“Well, enough talk, we should be getting to the gym” Silver says

*Meanwhile*

“WHAT!?” Yells a tall man, in a fancy gray suit with a Persian next to him

“Well, you see sir, our readings were wrong. The Ralts we gave the Trainer was, in fact the high leveled one” Says a trainer, similar to that of the one who gave Silver his Ralts

“I see, and this Ralts” The man points to a Caged Ralts

“That would be the weak one, we stole from the trainer, Giovanni sir...” Says a woman, fitting the description of the one who stole Jasmines Ralts

“Grrr... INCOMPETENCE!” Shouts Giovanni

*Back at Violet City*

“So... a double battle” Says a young man, in the center of the Gym

“Yes” Jasmine, and Silver both proclaim

“Hmmm... Ok, I must say, this is not exactly normal procedure, yet I, Falkner. Gym leader of Violet City except your challenge” Says Falkner

“Ok. Jasmine and Silver VS Falkner, its a 2 on 2 battle. Trainers chose your pokemon” Says the ref

“Pidgeotto, Spearow I choose YOU!” Exclaims Falkner

“Cuddles” Silver ,throwing his Pokeball proclaims

“Hoothoot” Jasmine, also throwing a Pokeball exclaims

“WE CHOOSE YOU!” Jasmine and Silver both Proclaim

“Ok... Trainers ready...BEGIN!” The Ref proclaims

“Ralts, use Psychic!” Silver orders
“Hoothoot use Confusion” Jasmine orders

“Pidgeotto Gust, Spearow Aerial Ace!” Falkner Orders


As the battle between Violet City’s Gym leader, Falkner, and Jasmine and Silver progresses. Who was the man assumed as Giovanni? And will our two favourite trainers, Jasmine, and Silver succeed in there gym battle Find out in chapter IV

---

Well, how was it? Next chapter should be up after I get back from church tomorrow
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  #26  
Old 05-27-2007, 02:48 AM
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Default Re: Johto Journeys

Awwww! Cudddles!! <33 That's so kawaii. The double battle was also an interesting twist.

However, you're still lacking in description and grammar. Remember that after every time somebody says something, you have to add a comma or a period. I know what Violet City looks like from the game, but you still have to describe it. More description, such as Falkner (and his hott bangs...drool....) ahem, descrption like that would be nice.

Can't wait for the next chapter though! Just keep my recent points in mind.
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  #27  
Old 05-27-2007, 08:42 AM
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Default Re: Johto Journeys

As Jentleviolence said, you need a bit more description. I also noticed you used "proclaim" 2-3 times in little bit. But good! Can't wait for the next chapter!
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  #28  
Old 05-28-2007, 02:58 AM
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Default Re: Johto Journeys

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rawr View Post
As Jentleviolence said, you need a bit more description. I also noticed you used "proclaim" 2-3 times in little bit. But good! Can't wait for the next chapter!
No new chapters today, sorry
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  #29  
Old 05-29-2007, 10:15 PM
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Default Re: Johto Journeys

when are your new hcpater?
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  #30  
Old 05-29-2007, 10:21 PM
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Default Re: Johto Journeys

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when are your new hcpater?
Been busy... I'll start right now.

PS: Kewl, a new fan... Thats what I call motivation
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