Member List
Calendar
F.A.Q.
Search
Log Out
Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000  
 

Go Back   Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000 » Interactive Boards » Creative Writing

Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 05-25-2007, 10:03 PM
Pokefan Silver's Avatar
Pokefan Silver Offline
Elite Trainer (Level 1)
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Im on ur sofa, playin ur Wii
Posts: 1,448
Send a message via Yahoo to Pokefan Silver
Post Johto Journeys

Chapter I

The First Step

---

Silver and his Cyndaquil, Silver started out for their first time not so long ago. Silver had just obtained Cyndaquil from Prof. Elm. While setting out from Newbark Town, awhile after which, a strange trainer dressed in black with a crimson red on the front approached him. The stranger handed Silver a Pokeball. Silver, looking endearingly at the brightly polished Pokeball looked up to ask the stranger what this was for, yet the stranger was no were to be found

“Wonder what that was all about” Said Silver

Silver enlarged the Pokeball. A few seconds later silver’s voice could be heard saying

“Go Pokeball!”
Before Silver’s eyes, an Ralts came out of the ball.
Silver, overjoyed with his new Ralts started to ponder...
Who was that, and why did he give me a Ralts
Looking at the cute little Ralts, Silver began to observe it
Upon further inspection silver had come to the conclusion "This Ralts is a Girl..."
When suddenly, a girl with crimson red hair ran up from behind him

“HEY! Were did you get that Ralts” the red haired girl said.

“Um... Well, its a kind of weird... But you see” Silver starts to explain

“Oh... well my Ralts was stolen just a few days ago by a woman with the same description” said the girl

“HUH!? Your pokemon was stolen...” Silver, being a new trainer had never heard of such things.

“But this couldn't be my Ralts” Said the girl

“Well, that's a relief, I had high hopes for keeping her” Silver responded

*Later that night, Silver and the girl had re-located to a Poke'center nearby*

“So that's the story... Team rocket was it?” Silver asks

“Yes *the girl looks down at the floor sadly* they are very cruel” The girl replied

"In all the excitement I never even asked your name" said silver

“Jasmine” the girl said

“I feel sorry for you and hope you find your Ralts” Silver replied

“Thank you” Replies Jasmine

"Excuse me" The local Nurse Joy says

“If you don't have a place to stay the night, we have some rooms. The road to the next town, Cherygrove is a long one” Nurse Joy says happily

"Um... Yeah, that sounds good" says Silver

“May I stay with you for night?” Jasmine asks with a face, as red as that of a Magby

“Um... Sure, sounds good” Silver replies, face also red.

*Later that night*

“Jasmine?” Silver says with a hushed tone

“Yes?” Jasmine replies

“You are from the Hoenn region, correct” Silver asks

She nods.

"That explains the fact that you have a Kirlia, a Pokemon from the Hoenn region" Silver says

"Well, well" Jasmine says "For a new trainer you sure seem to know your Pokemon" Jasmine responds

"Best student at the Trainer's Academy" Silver says happily

"*yawn* I am getting tired" Jasmine says, half asleep

"I suppose we should get to sleep"

*The Next Morning*

"Jasmine" Silver says...

"Y-Yes" Jasmine replies

"Why are you here, In Jhoto?" Asks Silver

"Truth be told, I'm here to take part in the Jhoto League..." Says Jasmine

"Wow, so am I" Silver says

"So, how many badges do you have?" Jasmine asks

"Oh well... none" Silver says disappointed

"What a coincidence, as do I" Jasmine says

"Well, if your taking the Jhoto challenge, and I'm taking the Jhoto challenge... Why not travel together" Silver asks embarrassedly

"*blushes* oh... that sounds nice"

*suddenly, Silvers Pokeball opens up*

"Ralts!" Says the newly emerged Ralts

"Huh!? Ralts" Silver, shocked is pondering “what is she doing getting out of her Pokeball”

"RA-ALTS!! RALTS! RA-RALTS-RA-RALTS!" The Ralts starts ranting

"Jasmine" I think Ralts wants to help find my Ralts

"As do I" Silver says

“QUILL!” Cyndaquill emerges from, her Pokeball

“I guess you don‘t want to feel left out, huh Cyndaquil?” Asks Silver

"All right! Its settled. While traveling the land of Jhoto, we will not only wipe the floor with Gym Battles, but wipe out any embers of Team Rocket scum we see" Jasmine says overjoyed

And that is how Silver, with his new traveling companion Jasmine and pokemon, Ralts set out on there Jhoto Journey...

---

How was it? I used the first chapter (this) as a story on URPG stories. But I decided to make another chapter and make it into a Fanfic... That is’nt against the rules, is it?
__________________

Last edited by Pokefan Silver; 05-27-2007 at 12:55 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 05-25-2007, 11:32 PM
JentleViolence's Avatar
JentleViolence Offline
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Yes!
Posts: 1,954
Send a message via AIM to JentleViolence
Default Re: Jhoto Journyes

Interesting story so far. The idea of Team Rocket being in here is a nice feature, so that this isn't just some normal story. I wonder who that guy was that gave him the Ralts, and Jasmine and the main character sound cute together already. ^^ I'll be reading more.

However, you had a few punctuation mistakes around the place. Remember to end the sentences with a period, a !, or a ?.

Quote:
“Yes *the girl looks down at the floor sadly* they are very cruel” The girl replied
Instead of putting the aterisks there, you could have just said that she looked down at the floor.

Other than that, a little description would be better, but your story looks good (overused word. *gulp*) so far, and I'll read it! ^^
__________________
~
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 05-25-2007, 11:38 PM
Pokefan Silver's Avatar
Pokefan Silver Offline
Elite Trainer (Level 1)
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Im on ur sofa, playin ur Wii
Posts: 1,448
Send a message via Yahoo to Pokefan Silver
Default Re: Jhoto Journyes

Ok, thanks for the feedback, I'll try to do better on the third chapter, cuz I allready wrote the 2nd chapter, here it is:

Chapter II

Hoothoot Habbits!?

---

Silver, with his new Ralts, and traveling companion Jasmine, after starting out from NewBark Town is heading out to Cherrygrove City. Silver, and Jasmine are both eagerly awaiting there first Gym battle. Jasmine, having lost her Ralts is thinking that she's forgotten something... Than it hits her... SHE DOESN'T HAVE A POKEMON!!!

“OH NO!!!” Jasmine shouted

“AHH!!! What is it!?” Silver, still jumpy from Jasmines high-pitched scream

“I just noticed something” Jasmine replied nervously

“What, what is it?” Silver asked

“Well, you see... without my Ralts, I dont have any Pokemon, heheh...” Jasmine, embarrassedly said

“WHAT!!!???” Silver shouted, surprised

“How are you going to take the Jhoto Gym challenge?” Silver asked

“I know, I know” Jasmine, nervously replied

“Well... I know, you‘ll just have to catch a Pokemon somewhere near here” Silver responded

“But you see, I don't have any Pokeballs” Jasmine responded

“Any Great Balls?” Silver asked

“Nope...” Jasmine replied

“Ultra ball?” Silver asked

"No..."Jasmine said

“... HOW DO YOU INTEND ON CATCHING ANY POKEMON!?” Silver nosily shouted

“HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT!!!” Jasmine, also nosily replied

“Well, hm... You COULD wait till we get to Cherrygrove” Silver says

*Silver pulls out his Poke‘gear*

"Huh? What is that" Jasmine asked

“A Poke‘gear, but not any Pokegear, this one belonged to my older brother... He gavethis to me when he set off to Sinnoh. He was a really good trainer, his Poke‘gear has every feature” Silver says

"Radio, Cell Phone, clock, calculator, etc" Silver continues

“A Poke‘gear?” Jasmine asks

“It‘s like the Jhoto version of a Pokenav” Silver replies

“Oh, gotcha” Jasmine says

“According to my Poke’gear... Cherrygrove is a few miles away” Silver replies

*Later that same day*

“There's Cherrygrove. Ok, off to the gym!” Silver says

BONK!!!

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN “OFF TO THE GYM!?”" Jasmine yells

"We have to go to the Poke‘center so I can get some Pokeballs, to catch me some Pokemon!" Jasmine explains

"YOUCH!!!” Silver shouts

"OK, OK! Here, take this and go get some Pokeballs, there is enough here for about six pokeballs” Says Silver

*Silver hands Jasmine the money*

"YIPPEE!!!" Jasmine happily responds

*Later on the outskirts of Cherrrygrove*

"Look, over there" Silver exclaims

"Oh, look at the cute HootHoot" Says Jasmine

"But there’s something weird about it..." Silver says

*Silver checks his Pokedex*

"HootHoot are normally brown" Silver says

"But this one is yellow" Jasmine points out

"I heard about this in trainer academy" Silver begins to explain

"There called “Shiny“ pokemon, and are supposed to be stronger than average ones" Silver says

"I‘m going to catch it!" Jasmine say, rushing to get her pokeballs

*Jasmine throws the Pokeball*

"NO! Wait, you have to weaken it first... I think" Silver explains

"Go Poke‘ball" Jasmine shouts

"It wont work, I‘m telling you!" Silver says

*But before silver could finish, the Pokeball clicked and Hoothoot was captured*

"I don‘t believe it" Silver mutters...

“ALL RIGHT!!! I DID IT, I DID IT!” Jasmine says excitingly

*Later that night at the Pokecenter, after hiving there Pokemon healed and bellies full. Silver and Jasmine have retired to a open room in the Pokecenter*

"I still can‘t believe you caught a Pokemon without weakening it... and a Shiny one at that!" Silver starts ranting

“Well, I did and we better get to sleep if we want to get the Gym badge tomorrow” Jasmine says, with a smirk on her face

“Right... Well, you can go on and sleep if you want, but I‘ll be out with-” Silver is interrupted when his Pokeball clicks open

“RALTS!” The newly emerged Ralts says happilly

“Uh... YEAH! Training with Ralts” Silver continues

“Well *yawn* have fun, I need to get some rest” Jasmine says

“Your Hoothoot has some psychic traits... It may know Hypnosis. That should guarantee a long nights sleep” Silver explains

“Yeah good idea, ok Hoothoot, c‘mon out!” Jasmine shouts

“HOOT-TOOT!” The newly emerged, oddly coloured Hoothoot says

“Hoothoot, use Hypnosis, then return to your Poke‘ball for a good nights rest as well” Jasmine orders

“HOOT-TOOT! HOOooo...” Hoothoot shoots sphere like rays from both eyes and soon, Jasmine is fast asleep

“*Snore*” Jasmine, drifting off to dreamland says

*Hoothoot returns to its Pokeball as Silver makes his way out to train his new Ralts, and not so new Cyndaquill*

As Jasmine sleeps, and Silver goes off to train. But what lies ahead in there Gym challenge? Stay tuned to find out

---

Well, how was my second chapter? Next one will be on tomarrow. And I know, Jasmines personallity changed a bit...

I'll post chapter 3 tomarow
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 05-25-2007, 11:54 PM
JentleViolence's Avatar
JentleViolence Offline
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Yes!
Posts: 1,954
Send a message via AIM to JentleViolence
Default Re: Jhoto Journyes

Jasmine went from the quiet girl to the rambunctious Misty. I guess that this is her true personality, right? xD She must also be truly, truly lucky. Catching a shiny without even beating it....yet I wonder how that one pokemon will let her fare in the gym battle.

Besides the points I mentioned before, make sure you use an exclamation point only once.

Quote:
“WHAT!!!???” Silver shouted, surprised
He may be yelling loudly, but caps lock is good (over-used word again. Darn it. ><) enough to show his exclamation.

I think you had a few verb tense problems in here, so you might have to fix that.

Remember what I said before, and I can tell that Chapter 3 will really be grea-awesome! (avoided the over-used word. Phew.)
__________________
~
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 05-26-2007, 02:19 PM
Pokefan Silver's Avatar
Pokefan Silver Offline
Elite Trainer (Level 1)
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Im on ur sofa, playin ur Wii
Posts: 1,448
Send a message via Yahoo to Pokefan Silver
Default Re: Jhoto Journyes

Quote:
Originally Posted by JentleViolence View Post
Jasmine went from the quiet girl to the rambunctious Misty. I guess that this is her true personality, right? xD She must also be truly, truly lucky. Catching a shiny without even beating it....yet I wonder how that one pokemon will let her fare in the gym battle.

Besides the points I mentioned before, make sure you use an exclamation point only once.



He may be yelling loudly, but caps lock is good (over-used word again. Darn it. ><) enough to show his exclamation.

I think you had a few verb tense problems in here, so you might have to fix that.

Remember what I said before, and I can tell that Chapter 3 will really be grea-awesome! (avoided the over-used word. Phew.)
Thanks for the feedback. Next chapter is on its way...
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 05-26-2007, 09:37 PM
Rawr's Avatar
Rawr Offline
Master Trainer
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 389
Default Re: Jhoto Journyes

This is a great story. Good plot but as said already, too many "!!!!!" and "???" But, i think I've done it before.... It will make it look more professional.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 05-26-2007, 09:43 PM
Pokefan Silver's Avatar
Pokefan Silver Offline
Elite Trainer (Level 1)
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Im on ur sofa, playin ur Wii
Posts: 1,448
Send a message via Yahoo to Pokefan Silver
Default Re: Jhoto Journyes

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rawr View Post
This is a great story. Good plot but as said already, too many "!!!!!" and "???" But, i think I've done it before.... It will make it look more professional.
Thank you, but I cant get it up today... I just got a new Pokemon Booster deck. Power Keepers was it? Something called "Mind Games". It has Ghost and fighting. It is a very convinet deck. Mainly cuz It came with a Gardevoir and a Gardevoir Collectors coin
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 05-26-2007, 09:45 PM
Rawr's Avatar
Rawr Offline
Master Trainer
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 389
Default Re: Jhoto Journyes

Don't rush. Let ideas and things come naturally. Your new deck might give you new ideas!
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 05-26-2007, 09:47 PM
Pokefan Silver's Avatar
Pokefan Silver Offline
Elite Trainer (Level 1)
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Im on ur sofa, playin ur Wii
Posts: 1,448
Send a message via Yahoo to Pokefan Silver
Default Re: Jhoto Journyes

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rawr View Post
Don't rush. Let ideas and things come naturally. Your new deck might give you new ideas!
YEAH! Great idea, for a new guy
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 05-26-2007, 09:54 PM
Rawr's Avatar
Rawr Offline
Master Trainer
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 389
Default Re: Jhoto Journyes

Writing is always a learning process! I've only ever written 1/2 a fic. "Coloured Roses" which is here. Comments and critism are very important. You can get ideas from anything!
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 05-26-2007, 10:03 PM
Pokefan Silver's Avatar
Pokefan Silver Offline
Elite Trainer (Level 1)
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Im on ur sofa, playin ur Wii
Posts: 1,448
Send a message via Yahoo to Pokefan Silver
Default Re: Jhoto Journyes

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rawr View Post
Writing is always a learning process! I've only ever written 1/2 a fic. "Coloured Roses" which is here. Comments and critism are very important. You can get ideas from anything!
Ok, thanks for the advice
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 05-26-2007, 10:11 PM
Rawr's Avatar
Rawr Offline
Master Trainer
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 389
Default Re: Jhoto Journyes

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pokefan Silver View Post
Ok, thanks for the advice
<<salutes>> Glad to be of service. lol.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 05-26-2007, 10:12 PM
Pokefan Silver's Avatar
Pokefan Silver Offline
Elite Trainer (Level 1)
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Im on ur sofa, playin ur Wii
Posts: 1,448
Send a message via Yahoo to Pokefan Silver
Default Re: Jhoto Journyes

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rawr View Post
<<salutes>> Glad to be of service. lol.
LOLZ! Can't wait to see your Fanfic
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 05-26-2007, 10:25 PM
Rawr's Avatar
Rawr Offline
Master Trainer
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 389
Default Re: Jhoto Journyes

Its up in this forum. I hope you will comment on it. I have 4 chapters up already!
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 05-26-2007, 10:27 PM
Pokefan Silver's Avatar
Pokefan Silver Offline
Elite Trainer (Level 1)
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Im on ur sofa, playin ur Wii
Posts: 1,448
Send a message via Yahoo to Pokefan Silver
Default Re: Jhoto Journyes

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rawr View Post
Its up in this forum. I hope you will comment on it. I have 4 chapters up already!
Wow, for a newbie, thats pretty good *starts reading it*
__________________
Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 12:26 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Style Design: AlienSector.com