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Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #1  
Old 05-13-2007, 05:49 PM
WorkThoseStripes's Avatar
WorkThoseStripes Offline
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Join Date: May 2007
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Post Discovery: The Truth Never Known

Prologue.

He hated it, why was it such a beautiful day? Did nature not understand the pain that was hurting him inside? The pain that was poisoning his mind. Was this punishment? If it was then what was it had he done? It must have been something terrible for him to deserve such a thing. He felt so lost. He felt alone.
Why would it not rain? If it rained then he could cry and nobody would see his sadness. They would only try to help, but none of their false words could help. They knew nothing of his situation. How could they? He saw them every day. They played happily, not knowing the misfortune that fell upon others. A tear fell down his soft cheek. He felt it slide down towards his mouth, contaminating it with a salty, bitter taste. He knew these were not tears for his fallen master. These were tears of jealousy. He envied so much the joy of others.
Only five others knew of his pain. But where were they now? They had fled, not knowing where they belonged. He did not know where they had gone. He wished they were here. Each one was unique. They could cheer him up with just the slightest word. They too were out there somewhere crying out their sorrows, hidden away in dark places where no-one knew to seek them. He missed them.

“I’m so sorry I have to leave you, my dear friend. We will see each other again, I know it. We will see each other again.”

Four months since those deceitful words were whispered in his ear as he watched the life slip out of her. He had for a moment believed that they would be together soon, but they hadn’t. What had those words meant? Was she to magically come back? Would a miracle occur? Or was that her way of telling him to end his life? Would she ask of such a thing?
His sadness turned to anger. He was not sure what he was angry at, but never the less he raged. A sudden urge to hit something, anything, surged through him. He needed to take his anger out on something, but soon before he hurt someone he didn’t want to. He had already lost someone so close to him. He couldn’t loose anyone else. He hit a boulder that was sticking unnaturally out of the ground. So much pain it caused, but he didn’t care. He no longer noticed pain, like he no longer noticed the world going by. He bled. The warm liquid covered his hand, soon to dry there. The anger ebbed away and soon came the tears. He could not help himself. All he could do was cry. This time the tears were of sorrow, not jealousy.
It was as if nature finally understood. Small, cold raindrops hit his face. They stung his wound, causing yet more pain. He just collapsed on the floor. It was as if he had nothing left anymore. Nothing that mattered.
They had travelled the world together! He had remained loyal to her, always stuck by her side. When she was in trouble he had been there for her. Nobody could hurt her, he wouldn’t let them. Was this what he got in return? Left alone with false hopes of a miracle.
Then, he thought to himself, why was he here? If he was to be alone then he had no place here. It had been many years since he had lived on his own in the cruel outside world. He had almost forgotten the trials he had gone through just to survive. Almost.
He picked himself off the ground. In the air above lightning struck a faraway place and thunder shook the earth. This did not matter to him. He was going to forget everything, forget all that he had done. He would start a new life, in a new place. A thought struck him. He could find his friends, they could not have gone far, He had ideas of where one of them had ran to and if he was with them then maybe just an ounce of happiness would return to him. He began to walk. He started off with a slow pace, his hand throbbing with pain. Then, as his courage and confidence grew his pace quickened. Soon he was running. He heard someone shouting him, telling him to stop. He would not. He saw just before him the wall that separated him from the wild. Putting all his effort into it, he jumped. He grasped the ledge and scrambled onto the top. Before he went he looked back. Memories of his times here frantically tried to get into his mind but he refused them. He jumped off the wall and ran into the woods. Away from the Professor’s lab.


This is my first fan fiction here on Pokemon Elite Forum. This is just the prologue of the story and the first chapter is coming soon. Comments accepted so I can improve. Also wondering whether constantly using 'he', 'him', ect. was a good idea. I originally intended to make the Pokemon's identity a mystery until the first chapter, but as this got longer it wasn't so effective. Please comment on wether I should keep it like this or reveal the identity.
Many thanks x
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Last edited by WorkThoseStripes; 05-13-2007 at 07:18 PM.
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  #2  
Old 05-16-2007, 10:45 PM
JentleViolence's Avatar
JentleViolence Offline
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Yes!
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Default Re: Discovery: The Truth Never Known

On first glance, it would have been better to space out your story more evenly. Even though you're just describing him and what he's like, the story looks clumped together. Don't worry though. That's very easy to fix.

When reading, I felt a little left in the dark. A few sentences past, and the only thing you used was "they, he, him". I know that you want to remain all these characters mysterious, but it was somewhat difficult to read.

However, the story seems very interesting so far! ^^ I wonder what kinds of things he will see next, and if he's ever going to see her again. *waits for your next chapter*
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