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Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #1441  
Old 12-12-2010, 06:47 AM
Gem N Ems's Avatar
Gem N Ems Offline
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Default Re: Pokemon: Team StormRiders [PG-13] [SEE? I told you it would be updated!]

SO MANY THINGS TO TEEEELL. *breathes* But I have to wait before I can reveal them all. So here. xD I was rough in spellchecking for mistakes, so please feel free to point out any you find.


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Chapter 30;
..........a brief impasse


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Every moment the constant grumbling of the Buizel was steadily growing louder. And steadily growing on my nerves. It had been only two hours since we’d parted ways with the rest of the gang - Codan, Jarre and Dash - but already I was beginning to feel the strain this put on me. I hadn’t realised just how much I relied on others to keep my mind occupied; to keep me happy. Now that I had some time to myself, and potentially time to think, I was dragging up all kinds of thoughts that certainly did more harm than good. For the thousandth time since we’d set off, I raised my paws to my temples again and rubbed gently, relaxing for a moment. Until Tali’s rumbling broke my concentration.

“Will you quit it?!” I snapped at the Buizel, too irritated to care that I earned a glare from both her and Lani, as well as a smirk from the former. I sighed. I really needed a better outlet for my emotions; yelling at others just wasn’t cutting it, nor was it healthy.

“Zanna, are you alright?” Lani asked me lightly, doubling back to my pace. “You’ve been rather quiet for a time now, and not just these past few hours.” She hesitated before continuing in a lower, somewhat huskier voice. “If it has something to do with Rye, then I suggest–”

My hearing momentarily stopped after the name was mentioned, and my head swayed dangerously, darkness weighing me down. It was quite a time before I realised we had stopped walking and I was resting within Lani’s paws. Apparently it seemed I had passed out. What a revelation. My head still felt groggy as I sat upright, but at least I was now conscious.

“Zanna, can you hear me?” Lani raised an eyebrow with concern, briefly checking me over.

Having forsaken my voice after only a husk came out, I gently nodded my head. Why did you mention that name? I thought to myself in annoyance. Why does anyone have to mention that name?!

Tali sat a few feet from us on a grey rock, I realised, quietly tapping her foot against the side of it. I wondered if she ever kept still. I hadn’t seen that side of her so far. Nor the friendly one.

“Zanna, could I talk with you for a moment?” Lani’s voice interrupted my thoughts.

I weighed my options. I could say no, and risk being a liability every time the Elekid’s name was mentioned, or I could just go along with it and confide in someone. And I knew deep within that I really needed to confide in someone. Keeping everything to myself was not healthy – this was clearly proof of that. For the first time since I’d entered this world I wished I had a family again. Someone who I could whine to, complain to, or to have fun with. I missed the warm embrace of a mother, if I had one at all – I couldn’t remember – where I could just cry and cry and cry, until all that negative energy was gone. I needed someone here to tell me everything would be alright. With a world’s future possibly weighing on my shoulders, I needed all the support I could get. I needed to learn to trust, so that every time the world crumbled beneath me I would have someone there to pull me back up, slap some sense into me. If I gave her the chance…could I trust Lani? She might just be the very soul I was looking for. I decided it was worth a try.

“Sure,” I replied a little huskily. “I’m sorry for causing such worry.”

The Houndoom only smiled at me, her muzzle raised slightly, though not quite reaching her eyes. “It is quite alright, little one,” she answered, nudging me gently. “Come take a walk with me. Tali,” - the Buizel raised her head as Lani addressed her - “could you wait here for a moment? I need to talk to Zanna.” Tali nodded briefly and closed her eyes, seemingly going back to tapping her foot mindlessly against the rock. Satisfied for the time being, Lani led the way along a small path that wound off our current, and somewhat larger, one. She stayed at my pace so I could keep up. From the look of it, I could tell she did that often. She seemed almost accustomed to the pace.

We walked like that for quite some time, in silence, only the sounds of nature echoing around us. The soft chirruping of Starly, the gentle humming of Beedrill in the surrounding trees. Now that the snow was starting to clear up, all kinds of wildlife seemed to have returned. I found myself smiling at the thought, if only briefly. It was times like these I missed, the times where I didn’t have a care in the world. It seemed those times didn’t exist anymore. At least not for me.

“So,” Lani said, her head tilted sideways at me, “are you going to start, or should I?”

I remained silent for about a minute after her question, pondering what would be the best way to start. I hadn’t told anyone besides Jarre that I thought I was a human. No, I knew I was a human. How I came to be this way I just didn’t know. Then there was the fact I was a Light Pokemon, some creature charged with powers that could save a world from darkness; that I was meant to save this world, Talzere, from darkness. More specifically, Deoxys. I also had conflicting problems in the romance department; the Elekid I liked had forsaken me and been turned evil, the Pikachu I felt an attachment to that I could not explain had kissed me, and the Sneasel that treated me like a long time friend I’d only known for a few hours knew nothing of my past.

“Uh… What would you like to know?” I asked tentatively, after my pondering hadn’t opened up any options. Obviously, the largest issue of concern was at the fore of both mine and Lani’s mind, for she said what I was hoping she wouldn’t.

“Why did you faint?” Her tone wasn’t hollow, but concerned. Not bitter, but caring. She only wanted to help.

I rested my paws lightly against my stomach. I’d known this was coming. I just had to take a deep breath and let it out, no matter how much it might hurt. It was for my own good. “Rye.” I stated in the simplest, most direct answer I could muster. To my own astonishment, I didn’t faint, nor did I feel like I would. It felt good for me to affirm my own worries and share them with another. Maybe it was the first step I needed to take towards healing.

“Rye?” Lani questioned, but didn’t seem too surprised. “I only mentioned his name, and it made you faint?” She wasn’t mocking me; that much I knew. Her eyes held little understanding, though I could see she wanted to know.

I didn’t want to continue, though. All the courage I seemed to have mustered was gone within that one breath of an answer. I lowered my head to the ground, awaiting further accusations, but none came.

“Ah,” came Lani’s reply at last. “I see.” She remained silent for a minute, perhaps piecing together puzzles before the final blow came. “You loved him.”

Without even being aware of it, I felt myself nodding at her remark. “I… loved him.” I repeated in a mere echo. “Part of me still does.” At that moment, I couldn’t control my tongue. It spoke rapidly, fluently, of its own accord, finding words that I’d been trying to all this time to no avail.

“I felt a connection since we met – Rye and I – and I know it’s strange, but I felt like I’d known him from a time before.” I hadn’t admitted this to anyone before, not even Rye himself, though I’d often wondered if he felt the same. “I knew he liked me before he said it; the determination I felt flowing from him when I was attacked… was strong. He only smiles with me. He laughs with me, Lani. He laughs.” I felt my lips pull up remembering the bell-like peal that could only be heard when Rye was truly happy. “I was happy, what brief time I spent with him. What we had… I was happy. But Darkrai tore that away from me.” I shuddered inwardly at the thought. “I don’t know what to do anymore. When I saw Rye that night… I knew something was wrong. But to have him attack me, attack us,” I corrected, “I never thought it was possible.” I let my paws encase my face, tears flowing into my fur once more as I tried to hold them back.

“I admit I knew something was wrong with him when he didn’t wake up. Before that, even. When we were attacked, something was wrong. We had a… a mental link,” I said, searching for the right words. “When Rye suffered, or if I did, the other was hurt. He cut off this link when he found out he might die…” I choked on a sob at the word, but carried on nonetheless. “It was a shadow poison Rye was tainted with, the same type of thing that turns Scythe into what she is. I feared it would act up, but never this soon. I never wanted it to be this soon…”

I could sense that Lani wanted to talk, but she was waiting for me to finish and I still had a way to go. But I was struggling whether or not to tell her that I thought I used to be a human. Maybe it was best not to tell her just yet. No sense worrying over more problems when there was enough at hand.

“I’m really worried for him, Lani. It’s putting a strain on me so much. I ache every time I hear his name; I was crushed when he left because I thought… I thought he loved me, too!” It made me mad to hear myself admit it, so I issued sparks from my cheeks in a release, perhaps as a calming motion. A moment later I felt a gentle nudge against my shoulder. Lani’s head rested on it lightly as she spoke, her tone little above a whisper.

“Have you considered that he left because he loved you?” she suggested. “Even though you are feeling so much unbearable pain right now, even though it hurts, it would protect you from him. He was smart and it seems he knew what he was doing. Everything he has done was because it was best for you. He cared for you, Zanna. He loved you.”

She was taking this really well. I knew she was right, no matter how much I didn’t want to believe it. All I wanted was for everything to be alright again, for none of this to have happened. Would I have been better off when I was a human? Maybe. But now was no time for guesses.

On an impulse, I whirled and buried myself within Lani’s fur, paws clutching tightly. I cried and cried, as I would have had my mother been there. All the while the Houndoom sat and hummed a gentle tune and said not a word, but that song was worth more than a thousand words. It was like a lullaby that gently soothed my worries; washed everything away. Just like an unspoken promise. Just like a mother.

***

Jarre was edgy around Dash, and the same could be said about the Sneasel. Neither talked to each other, nor made a comment, except to talk to Codan every so often. It was only natural, of course. Jarre had tried to murder Dash once before and that wasn’t something you could just ‘get over’. In fact, it didn’t seem like either would ever get over it.

It had been only a couple of hours into the trip and Jarre was already beginning to feel he would have rather risked taking chances with that uptight Buizel. He did, however, hope Zanna was holding up alright. Everyone had noticed something had been different about her the past week or so and despite his earlier denial that she was involved with Rye, he was now having doubts himself. That would explain why she was so reserved since he’d left. And her outburst at him leaving. Thinking about it like that, it did make almost perfect sense.

He liked Zanna, but more as a close friend, or a sister. He liked to laugh with her, to play around with her, to make sure she was okay. She, in turn, did the same to him. In a sense, they were the perfect pair for a team. She even forgave him for being a murderer in a time that was so harsh to him. He had no choice… If only Raze could see it like that. He hated that Taillow after all he’d done, but deep inside, there was a soft spot that would always remain. A time when when two innocent birds had loved the same life together, had lived liked brothers in such a cruel town. He missed that time and he missed Raze. But that was a long time ago and nothing would ever return to normal. That much was certain.

“Let it go, Jarre, it won’t change anything now,” he snapped to himself quietly. “Let it go.”

He plodded on, stealing a sideways glance at Dash to make sure he hadn’t heard anything. The Sneasel’s gaze remained rooted to the ground in front of him as he followed the Dragonite’s large steps almost too carefully. Clearly he hadn’t heard a word Jarre had uttered, and he preferred it that way.

“Look, there it is just up ahead.” The Torchic’s head snapped up as Codan’s voice broke through his thoughts. “That’s the secret route that will take us to the Missionary.”

Jarre craned his head around the Dragonite for a better look but saw nothing out of the ordinary along the dusty path. “Where?” he questioned, raising an eyebrow sceptically and hoping Codan hadn’t gone senile. He was still too young for that.

“Down there.” It was Dash who spoke, and the Sneasel lifted a claw to point at a small grate covering the ground a few feet in front of them. The vines it was made from seemed somewhat brittle. Obviously it was quite old, which was truthfully a little unnerving.

“A grate?” Jarre scoffed. “A grate is a secret route?” Well this trip was full of surprises.

“It’s a sewer system,” Dash replied, staring at Codan, ignoring Jarre completely. “You plan to use the sewer route to get to the Missionary? I heard it was like a maze down there.”

Codan nodded. “True, it happens to be a maze, but it’s one that I know. We’ve been on plenty of rescue missions, Lani and I, and the sewers have come in handy from time to time. I hope you two don’t mind getting your feet wet, haha!” He let out a rumbling laugh and flicked open the lid of the grate with his tail.

“Wet?” Brilliant, Jarre thought with disdain. Me being a fire type certainly doesn’t help here. I just need to think of something to get me through this, to pull myself together! He watched silently as first Codan flew into the passage and Dash followed, jumping lithely down into the murky depths. Taking a deep breath, the Torchic stepped up to the very edge of the hole and peered down, nothing but darkness greeting him. Well, well, well. I never thought I’d be doing this. Great. GREAT. Oh, dear Arceus, I just made a pun.

Swallowing his pride, the Torchic followed Dash’s pursuit and jumped into the opening, darkness greeting him like a long lost friend.

***

“Graaah!” Rye slammed his fist against the invisible barrier stretched before him for the thousandth time, and for the thousandth time, not a single scratch marred the surface. His hand was beginning to ache – and that was hardly surprising. A trickle of blood ran the length of his arm, but he paid no heed to it. Such things were not worth worrying about. Not when he was stuck in a dream world full of his own unspoken, ghastly nightmares.

“Darkrai! Release me from this prison!” The distraught Elekid glanced up at the murky sky, but only his own echo replied. Not a trace of the dark Pokemon could be seen, though Rye was sure he was up there, silently mocking him with a smirk etched to his disgusting face. Revolting.

Sighing, Rye sat down on a small rock – one of the few that was scattered throughout this world. In the short time that he’d been here he’d noted that time was endless; there was no breeze, though objects moved. They vanished according to what he wanted, so he never got what he wanted. From this analysing he devised a plan so that to get what he wanted, he had to not want it. But that was easier said than done. He could little more focus his mind on not wanting things he desperately needed, than he could fly. It seemed all it would take was a little self control, if he had any.

As a silver lining, no new nightmare Pokemon had appeared before him. If Zanna had revealed herself again Rye swore he would have to kill Darkrai then and there; he was not nearly strong enough to face her yet. Closing his eyes and sighing coolly, Rye tried to calm himself. Better to not get worked up about what he couldn’t control and focus on what he could. Right now he needed to concern himself with passing these ‘trials’ Darkrai thought up in order to test him, whatever they could be.

“Riley.”

The Elekid’s eyes snapped open, pupils contracting into thin slits at the name called in his direction, beckoning to him. But it wasn’t just the fact that his full name was used – though he loathed it – but the fact that he knew that voice. It all seemed like nothing but a hazy memory, far from the fore of his mind, now dragged into reality. Only this wasn’t reality, and it couldn’t be her. Impossible.

Rye turned, his fur prickling and standing on edge as if he’d seen a ghost, which was exactly what was before him. Again, the dull green hues of a Larvitar greeted him, but it wasn’t Kryal. This Larvitar was slightly greener in colour and lighter, too. It was female; that definitely ruled out Kryal.

“Dear, dear, Riley…” It spoke again, eyes narrowing slightly, a smirk appearing on its face. Her face. All too familiar for a distant memory. All too unwanted.

“Eon…” Sound finally able to be dragged from his mouth, Rye gasped in surprise. He had expected her to emerge sometime, especially after her brother’s uncanny appearance, though it still came as a shock. His guard had dropped the moment he’d seen her, all arduous planning disintegrating. Eon, the Larvitar, could sense this. Without a moment’s hesitation she had walked right up to the Elekid.

“My, look how you’ve grown. If I recall, it’s been a long time since I’ve last seen you, my lord.” She added the last part in a sweet tone, mocking him. That much was evident. For an illusion, she still retained all her annoying characteristics. Darkrai must have studied for once.

“I know you’re an illusion, so cut the formalities,” Rye shot back, his face still pale from the encounter. “If this is another test I have to pass then so be it.”

Eon frowned and pouted, obviously not liking the way Rye was treating her. “Honestly, you can’t greet your old friends like that. Your manners definitely haven’t improved with time. Haha!” Her steely laugh cut through the air like ice, and despite Rye’s hardened shell, he flinched at the sound. “Aww, what’s wrong, tough guy? Scared of me still?” The Larvitar’s face lit up in a grin. “You know, I’ll get back at you for that time you knocked me unconscious. But I suppose my brother’s death was enough for you.” Her tone had darkened at the mere mention of Kryal, and even if this was an illusion, Rye could plainly hear the hurt in her voice, and feel the hurt in his own heart.

Darkrai had used the apparition of Eon to tear down his defences, and now he was no longer able to defend against any attack, however weak. Fear had resurfaced and immobilised him.

“I was never afraid of you, Eon,” he uttered after finding his voice for the second time, though barely. “I was only a child back then. Had I known the severe consequences of my actions I never would have went through with it. Kryal would still be alive and you…” He trailed off, not wanting to speak of his past any further. Much more of this would tear him apart.

“So you regret it, do you?” Eon asked, disregarding the fact Rye no longer wished to continue the conversation. “You regret what you did to my brother?” Her mouth was set in a thin line, eyes unblinking, staring at Rye and waiting for an answer.

[continued in next post]
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Last edited by Gem N Ems; 12-13-2010 at 01:59 AM.
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  #1442  
Old 12-12-2010, 06:59 AM
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Gem N Ems Offline
Kage no Hikari.
 
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Default Re: Pokemon: Team StormRiders [PG-13] [SEE? I told you it would be updated!]

“H-how could you say that? Kryal was my best friend. My best friend. He was murdered before me, because of me. How could I not regret it?!” The Elekid glared at the Larvitar, a steel edge glinting in his eyes, his voice cold. “But I don’t regret obeying my father that day and making the choice to silently follow him. If I didn’t, no doubt he would have killed me, too, and I would not be here. Now that I am, I can finally exact my revenge. The revenge he deserves.”

“And what is it that he deserves?” Eon pushed, her grin widening. “Would you kill your own father – your flesh and blood – to avenge my brother? Would you really go so far? I don’t believe you have it in you, Rye. You never had it in you to kill.” She paused and laughed again. “You were always such a crybaby! Remember when I tripped you and you fell face first into a muddy puddle? You cried over that. You even cried when I took the last cookie Khrono had offered us. You could never kill, least of all your father. He –”

“He deserves all he has coming,” Rye cut in sharply, ignoring Eon’s words. “It is true; I used to cry over the littlest things, but that was a long time ago. I have not cried since then, save for once recently.” For Zanna, he spoke to his mind, not wishing to divulge this sacred information to a mere illusion. “My father needs to be taught his place and I want to be the one to do it. It has to be me. It always was.”

Rye marvelled at the determination in his voice. Had it just appeared out of thin air, like Darkrai’s illusions? He did not remember having this resolve before Eon pushed him to admit it. Though somewhere, deep inside him, he admitted he had always thought it would come to this; when he would have to destroy his father in order to prevent further harm from coming to the world. If he was still creating a dark army like he suspected, then Rye would have no choice but to put an end to his actions. If not willingly, then through brute force. But was Eon right? Could he really kill his own father, even to save the world?

The Larvitar’s smile faded at his words. “It was always you. Well at least that, I believe. Tell me, Rye,” she said in a blunt tone, cutting out all attempts to be charming, “would you keep that promise you made to me all those years ago? On your honour, you swore it. Or have you none of that, either?”

Rye shuddered ever so slightly, hoping it was not visible. “I remember my oath, yes. Indeed, I intend to keep it.”

“Then why are you here and not with me?” Eon cut through before Rye could continue. “Why were you travelling with that Pikachu – your enemy – when I was the one that needed help?” He flinched at the mention of Zanna but kept his calm composure, eyes locked with the Larvitar’s. “Why did you abandon me, Rye?”

“I did not abandon you!” The Elekid clenched a fist in front of him, breathing hard. “Eon, I –”

Tears entered her eyes. “No! Save your sorry excuses for someone else who cares! You said you would protect me, Rye. If your attempt is going to be the same as it was for Kryal, then – then I don’t want it!” The illusion of Eon whirled and ran off down a path, disappearing hastily into the darkness, and away from Rye’s view.

“EON!” he shouted into the void. “Eon, wait! Arrgh!” Throwing aside all fears, Rye raced after the Larvitar, following the path where he’d last seen her hazy shadow. “I won’t lose you again,” he cried into the darkness. “Once was already enough!”


Eon sat by a lake, but not one that was filled with clear reflections and bright blue water. This lake was covered with ice and looked very dreary. Almost an imitation of his thoughts, Rye presumed. The Elekid panted from trying to keep up. She was fast, even as an apparition. Despite the fact that he knew this Larvitar wasn’t real, he couldn’t help but feel everything he would have if it were the real Eon. He needed to say these things, even if it was only to clear his head. Perhaps it would help his conscience, if he were to confide in this illusion.

The Larvitar did not look up as he approached, but stayed in the same seated position, staring intently at the ice covering the frosted lake. Rye peered once at Eon before lowering himself onto the ground next to her, though never making eye contact. He hated to admit that he was afraid of this illusion, because it made him empathetic again. He hated to feel emotions.

“The ice is cold,” Eon stated coolly, echoing the lake’s dreariness. “You’re cold, too.” She stated it simply, but Rye felt it pierce through his barrier yet again.

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” He spoke through gritted teeth, still not glancing at his companion. “‘I’m cold?’”

The Larvitar closed her eyes and let a smile tug at the edges of her mouth. “Not your skin, if that’s what you thought, stupid. Your heart. Your emotions. They’re cold, Rye. Why did you let yourself be cut off from the world for so long? What could you possibly gain by being all alone?”

She spoke distantly, eyes still closed, but Rye felt something of the real Eon within Darkrai’s clone. This is exactly what she would have said to him had she been here in this very spot.

“I gained a shell,” he explained. “Simple as that. I needed to become untouchable, so nothing would ever hurt me again. I never wanted to experience that same torture my father gave me so many years ago. My shell protects me from that.”

“Your so called shell isn’t doing such a good job then, if that girl was able to break through it.”

Rye stiffened in an instant, suddenly wary. “How do you know about that?” Then he bit his tongue. It was an illusion, of course. Darkrai knew it, and so did this Larvitar. It knew all Darkrai did. “It was doing its job fine,” he corrected, calming his composure. “It was perfect. And it never broke; I allowed her to draw near, that was all.”

“And once your shell was breached, that was your undoing,” Eon replied. “But listen, Rye. You can’t hide from everything forever. This shell of yours is only good if it can protect you from your enemies. If it blocks you from your friendships and happiness as well, is it really a shell you ought to have?” The Larvitar opened her eyes and turned to study him. She had hit his fear head on.

“No, it isn’t…” Rye said slowly. “But if I withdraw my shell, what is left to protect me from the thorns in the world? What will happen to me then?”

“Let your friends fight for you, Rye. What else are they there for? Let them help you; let them carry part of your burden. If you depend on yourself all the time you’ll only be crushed under the pressure. Every time you get hurt – every time a thorn reaches you – lean on those around you. Trust in them to pick you up each and every time. If you fall.” She smiled again, though this time it reached her eyes. “If you fall, at least remember you are not alone. Riley.”

Rye blinked once, eyes wide, then sighed and let a slight smile consume him. “No, I am not alone. Thank you, Eon.”

As he reached out to the Larvitar, its smile widened and the apparition disappeared before him, leaving a thin layer of green matter in its wake.

“What the –” Rye recoiled, paw in midair as the smoke hovered around it. “Why did it disappear?!” Jumping to his feet, he thought of raising his shell when it hit him. A sudden realisation. This shell – the very same that was his defence all the time – was no longer needed. All he needed now was to rely on his friends. This nightmare was nothing! It could not get to him, nor could its thorns ever hope to reach him. As long as he held a goal, he could escape this place stronger than before, and in control. He would keep rising, because he had a reason to.

“Hear me, Darkrai!” he shouted into the blackened sky, his own echo taunting him. “You cannot ever hope to bring me down because I have something you do not! I have a reason to be alive, and I have a reason to be strong. Your thorns will never reach me!”

The Elekid glared across the vast ice lake with fierce determination and spread his arms wide. Nothing can harm me now. Not even my own nightmares.

***

“Wait, I can’t do that… I can’t dance…” I rolled over fitfully, cringing at the scene forming in my mind, when a dull sound broke through my thoughts. Without a second’s delay I sat bolt upright, resting heavily on my paws. “What a dream that was,” I muttered drowsily, turning to face the door of the tent. “But what was that I heard just now?”

We’d stopped for the night just on the outskirts of a nearby lake. It was rather beautiful the way it shimmered and glistened, even in the moonlight. Lakes like this always held me rather entranced, and so by my desire I had stayed perched by the edge of the water for the remainder of the day. Lani had kindly told me that the lake’s name was called Siuryen, which in the ancient language meant something along the lines of ‘rebirth’. That was just what we all needed right now: the rebirth of a happier time, something far from this abomination Deoxys had turned Talzere into.

Whilst I was happily seated by the lake my thoughts had wandered, but this time in the direction of the erratic Buizel. It was no surprise that Tali did not share the same fondness that the others had for me, but I could not discern why. I hadn’t done anything to hurt her. The only explanation I had come up with was that it had something to do with Dash. He was her partner, after all. Had I somehow roiled her up by bringing them along with us? In any case, no one was forcing her to stay here; she could leave anytime she wanted. Though I got the feeling she would follow wherever Dash went – I could see they were close.

When I had first encountered the pair, she had been the one so intent on retrieving the Orb of Sorrow. Why was it so important to her, if Dash had left it in my care? And what was so great about a shiny orb? I had a total of three now in my possession – two entrusted to me by Rye – yet I had no idea what I was supposed to do with them. Not for the first time this week I had tried to contact Altair by telepathy, to see if he had any information regarding them; after all, they were called the ‘Orbs of Altair’. The Pikachu had neither answered nor returned my pleas, which I could feel was odd. Especially for him.

Despite the fact I had no kind feelings of empathy towards the Buizel, I put up with her because I had to. It was not my desire to get to know her, that was for certain.

Hauling my heavy body to its feet, I stumbled out into the night to investigate the noise which had sounded not too far from camp. In fact, it seemed to be in the direction of Lake Siuryen, where I had been earlier. Figuring I could use some stealth training, I dropped to all fours and darted between a few of the bushes that scattered the roadside. I hadn’t been too far when the thud came again, louder than before. This time curiosity got the better of me as I reached the lakeside, slowly peering between the fronds of my hideout. It was surprising to see a familiar face, and the relief I felt upon recognising that face was drained by what it was doing.

Tali stood by the lapping water, a dark aura surrounding both her arms, on which two lithe, onyx bands were attached. My eyes widened in interest, wondering what on earth they could be. I had never seen such bands before, least of all ones that emitted a dark aura. I could only feel a slight prickling in my fur and a deep sense of foreboding. Though I could not explain it, I knew those bands were bad news.

My teeth gritted of their own accord as I dashed into the clearing and tackled the Buizel to the ground, sending us both sprawling into cool depths of the lake. For a split second I had no control over my actions, but I knew – I just knew – that I had to stop her.

“W-what the?!” Tali’s agitated cry reached my ears as she floundered in the water, spluttering. “Pikachu!” she snapped, meeting my gaze with a fierce glare. “What the hell is your problem!?

“What the hell is your problem!?” I snapped back, surprised at the sheer force behind my words, and the fact I had cussed at her.

Tali recoiled in shock, fear flitting across her eyes for a mere second before she rebuked. “You’re my problem! You and Dash and everyone else who’s always gettin’ in my way!”

Dash? He’s part of her problem? I had thought for sure that the two were close, but to hear her say that he was a problem to her… Just what was going on?

“Tell me what those things are on your arms,” I changed tactic, nodding towards the bands. “What were you doing?”

The Buizel gathered herself, snorting and rising fluently from the water, her back to me. “What’s it to you what they are? You’re not getting your dirty paws on them anyway.” Tali took two brisk steps towards the lake edge before I bounded after her with another tackle.

“Who said you could leave?!” This time when my body made contact the onyx bands snapped from her arms and flew into the water, disappearing under the surface.

“The bands!” Tali cried out, panicking and pushing me harshly aside with a paw. “Rakai!”

I froze immediately in the water, all the wind knocked from my chest, watching as Tali dove to retrieve the bands. I knew that name, and it was a name I would scorn for as long as I lived. Rakai, one of the Hunters, had been the Weavile who had poisoned Rye. Whatever affiliation he had with Tali could not be good. And neither were those bands.

The Buizel reappeared from beneath the surface of the water clutching the two bands to her chest tightly. It now seemed she had forgotten I was here; her gaze and attention were all occupied by the objects within her paws. But I was not about to let her forget I still had business.

“Tali,” I said shakily, trying to make my voice sound firm. “What has… what has Rakai got to do with this?” My body stood lifeless in the lake. It was cold; far too cold to be comfortable, yet I could not bring myself to move. All that mattered now were the answers I so desperately wanted.

A certain hollowness entered Tali’s eyes at the name, but she shook her head brusquely, refusing to meet my gaze.

“Tali,” I repeated firmer still. “Tell me.”

For a moment the Buizel’s mouth opened, then it closed rapidly as she shook her head yet again, turning to face me. “You wouldn’t understand!”

They were the last words that echoed through the clearing as Tali fled from my sight. I had no wish to pursue her, because for once I felt she needed to be left alone. All my body, my entire being, felt were those echoing words. So distant. So pained.

You wouldn’t understand!

Tali. What trouble had she gotten herself into now?

----------

SO. Zanna finally admits her true feelings to someone, finding a mother-like figure in the ever doting Lani. Jarre finds he's missing Raze more than he let on, and Rye's past has caught up to him again when Eon visits him via his own Nightmare. What is it that's got the Elekid so spooked? Tali's mysterious bands make a reappearance, only this time Zanna wants to know what they are. And now Rakai. Where did he come from? What's he got to do with Tali? That Buizel is hiding something... >.>

Stay tuned! n__n
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Old 12-12-2010, 02:02 PM
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Default Re: Pokemon: Team StormRiders [PG-13] [Chapter 30; A Brief Impasse]

Chapter 29, post one:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kumori Gem View Post
The First Power blinked several times and raised a paw to its head in a daze, yawning.
Should be 'his'. We've already established that he's a dude.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kumori Gem View Post
“This is the foot of Meteor Mountain, I think,” Sierra whispered to him, causing the wish Pokemon to start. Everything else was eerily quiet. So it was true; they were at the base of Deoxys’ lair. “That’s the Freedom Fighters over there.” Sierra pointed a paw towards Light Pokemon leading others behind them. If he counted right, there were three, one of them resembling Altair. “The other side is Darkrai and his army. It seems small, but don’t let size fool you,” she stated warningly.
It sounds like Sierra really knows what she's talking about, how but does she know all this? o: I might have missed something...but otherwise it seems like she somehow knows these facts.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kumori Gem View Post
It was so powerful Jirachi could even feel it; not just see it.
That semicolon should be a comma, because it's kinda pointless to be a semicolon. o:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kumori Gem View Post
It was at that moment Altair lowered his paw and took a step. Towards Darkrai. Jirachi made to move, but Sierra grabbed his shoulder firmly. “We can’t help; it’s a vision.”
He sighed, but relented; he knew she was right.
I thought it was possible you forgot to double space Jirachi's actions from Sierra's sentences.

I think the idea of the moon working with the Lake Trio is an interesting idea, although it kind of makes them seem invincible and immortal. o: Which is good for them, but not good if you want to kill them. :3

Wow, Altair has it bad, man. He probably should have seen a counsellor after that. O_o I wanna know how Darkrai could stick his hand into Altair and take out his lightness... I mean, it's a pretty serious power. Also, how did he not kill him when he stuck his hand through? o: Also, I think it's cool there were other Light pokemon... o: Too bad we didn't get to meet them properly. D:

I also thought it was interesting that Zanna wasn't in this chapter at all. o: There hasn't been a chapter without Dusty in my story yet though. xD Not that that has any relevance...

Also, sorry I kinda neglected this chapter and didn't read it till now. I tried to read it on two or so different occasions but I must have gotten distracted.

Onto the next chapter. :3

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Originally Posted by Kumori Gem View Post
It had been only two hours since we’d parted ways with the rest of the gang, Codan, Jarre and Dash, but already I was beginning to feel the strain this put on me.
I think, instead of having commas around the names, you should have hyphens. o:

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Originally Posted by Kumori Gem View Post
Why does anyone have to mention that name!
Should be a question mark in there because it's a question!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kumori Gem View Post
“Zanna, could I talk with you for a moment?” Lani’s voice interrupted my thoughts.
Wait...didn't she wake up in Lani's paws, which means Lani is standing right over her, meaning there'd be no point in her asking that...since two paragraphs ago they were talking? o:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kumori Gem View Post
If I gave her the chance… Could I trust Lani?
This is one sentence...so the 'c' in 'could' should be a lowercase, and you should connect it with the ellipsis instead of having the gap.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kumori Gem View Post
“Come take a walk with me. Tali,” The Buizel raised her head as Lani addressed her.
The comma after 'Tail' should be a period if the following sentence is a different one. c:


Quote:
Originally Posted by Kumori Gem View Post
“Even though you are feeling so much unbearable pain right now, even though it hurts, it would protect you from himself.
Shouldn't that be "him"...?

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Originally Posted by Kumori Gem View Post
It was like a lullaby that gently soothed my worries; washed everything away. Just like an unspoken promise. Just like a mother.
Lani's my favourite character. c: I can't wait to do some voice acting as her! 8D

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Originally Posted by Kumori Gem View Post
Only a couple of hours into the trip and Jarre was already beginning to feel he would have rather risked taking chances with that uptight Buizel.
I think there should be a "It was" before the sentence begins, or take out the 'and' between 'trip' and 'Jarre' and replace it with a comma. It makes sense how it is now, but I would expect to hear that only if the scene was written in first person.

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Originally Posted by Kumori Gem View Post
If only Raze could see it like that. He hated that Taillow after all he’d done, but deep inside, there was a soft spot that would always remain; when two innocent birds had loved the same life together, had lived liked brothers in such a cruel town.
That should not be a semicolon, because what follows cannot stand on its own as a separate sentence. I'd suggest rearranging the wording to form a coherent sentence (after the semicolon). It sounds like the end of the sentence has been cut off. xD

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kumori Gem View Post
“Let it go, Jarre, it won’t change anything now,” he snapped to himself quietly. “Let it go.”
He plodded on, stealing a sideways glance at Dash to make sure he hadn’t heard anything. The Sneasel’s gaze remained rooted to the ground in front of him as he followed the Dragonite’s large steps almost too carefully. Clearly he hadn’t heard a word Jarre had uttered, and he preferred it that way.
I think you should separate the speech from the following paragraph. :3

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Originally Posted by Kumori Gem View Post
Me being a fire type certainly doesn’t help here.


Dusty: I KNOW RIGHT. >:Z Stupid liquids...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kumori Gem View Post
I just need to think of something to get me through this, pull myself together!
There should be a 'to' after the comma, and honestly I think the comma would work better being replaced with a double hyphen.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kumori Gem View Post
Great. GREAT. Oh, dear Arceus, I just made a pun.
xD Nice, Jarre.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kumori Gem View Post
They vanished according to what he wanted, so he never got what he wanted.
Wouldn't that mean that...they would disappear when he wanted? o: Otherwise shouldn't 'according' be 'opposing'? (Although not with the sentence wording, of course.)

Post #2:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kumori Gem View Post
Tell me Rye,” she said in a blunt tone,
Comma before 'Rye'.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kumori Gem View Post
“If you fall, at least remember you are not alone. Riley.”
I think the period before 'Riley' is supposed to be a comma. o:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kumori Gem View Post
That was just what we all needed right now; the rebirth of a happier time, something far from this abomination Deoxys had turned Talzere into.
I think the semicolon should be a colon.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kumori Gem View Post
For a moment the Buizel’s mouth opened, then it closed rapidly as she shook her head yet again, turning to face me.
How did Zanna know her mouth opened when she wasn't facing her? o:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kumori Gem View Post
SO. Zanna finally admits her true feelings to someone, finding a mother-like figure in the ever doting Lani. Jarre finds he's missing Raze more than he let on, and Rye's past has caught up to him again when Eon visits him via his own Nightmare. What is it that's got the Elekid so spooked? Tali's mysterious bands make a reappearance, only this time Zanna wants to know what they are. And now Rakai. Where did he come from? What's he got to do with Tali? That Buizel is hiding something... >.>
Yes, yes...I know. I was reading. xD Is this for people that couldn't be bothered reading a chapter? xD

So yeah...interesting. Truthfully I've forgotten a lot...I forgot how Rye got to be with Darkrai, who Rakai is, Zanna's orbs, why the group split into two, where Sierra came from and basically everything about her exculding the fact that she's a riolu, female, and is travelling with Jirachi, Tali's bands, the fact that the Rye's dad wants to create an army of dark pokemon... Dx My memory is waning. Oh well. Nice to be refreshed. xD

I really wanna know what those bands are too, and it's good that Rye and Zanna both got to confide in someone--even if Rye's someone was an illusion. Though I'm kind of confused how that works... So, she was generated from Rye's nightmares, which he's currently in, but Darkrai put her there? Even if he has no control over what she says of how she acts (since she gave Rye advice and confidence and shiz)? o: I guess he would expect Rye's own interpretation of her to get the better of him or something...and that her appearance alone was enough to frighten him. :P

Mm. But, nice chapter(s). n_n Glad I got around to reading them.

~GS
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  #1444  
Old 12-12-2010, 03:28 PM
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Default Re: Pokemon: Team StormRiders [PG-13] [Chapter 30; A Brief Impasse]

Man, what an update. It was great though, the emotions you portrayed were fantastic, and it really helped strengthen the personalities of the characters.

And yeah, I agree. Those bands have me wondering what's going on.
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Old 12-13-2010, 01:41 AM
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Default Re: Pokemon: Team StormRiders [PG-13] [Chapter 30; A Brief Impasse]

My god, Xanthe. Thanks for the really looonngg comment and finding all my mistakes. ITOLDYOUTHEREWASALOT. I'll fix those now. xD

And well, they ARE legendaries so they're kinda meant to seem immortal. But they're not. =O *willnotrevealplotspoilers*

A COUNSELLOR. XD Well maybe, except I don't know if they have them in this world. Never really thought about it, haha! And there's tonnes of powers that Pokemon have that can't be explained, least of all sticking a hand into another. xD The same was done to Zanna, if you recall, when Arc put his hand through her.

I have a few chapters that don't have Zanna or the other mains in them. I call them "fillers" and don't much enjoy writing them (for the main fact she's not in it), but they're crucial to the story anyway. xD

And it's fine! I don't expect everyone to read chapters when I post 'em. nwn

----------

I dun like those ellipsis things. >.< I look through several books and they're all like, different, but you're right it should be in lowercase, thanks. xD

And I'm sorry, Lani needs a bigger part in the story. I've neglected her till now. ;__; But I DO love her. She's a really great Houndoom! Codan and her are like parents to the gang. 8D Cool, eh?

And oh bugger. I missed spacing out a line. Word hates me to copy and paste. xD

No, that's according. Whenever he wanted something, it was gone.

Oh, I just like to put a little "this is what happened to refresh your memory and get you wondering" thing at the end of my posts. Got that from Grassy. XD

I thought at first that I would have Eon scare Rye, and have him fight her again, but... I decided I didn't want that. Eon was different to him from the others and I wanted it to be a conversation where one of those big realisations happen. Rye realised he no longer needed his "guard" to protect him. But remember that Darkrai IS controlling what is in his nightmare - to an extent. So the consequences of removing his guard aren't clear yet. BUTWILLBELATERMWAHAHA.

So yeah, thanks for reading! n__n

----------

Thanks for reading, Neo! Glad to see you're still hanging around. xD

I'll be mentioning those bands again later, but if you remember that picture of Zanna for chapter 25, I think? (though it wasn't really meant to be for that chapter, I just drew it xD) You'll notice that she has black bands on her wrists! Haha!
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  #1446  
Old 12-13-2010, 10:53 PM
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Default Re: Pokemon: Team StormRiders [PG-13] [Chapter 30; A Brief Impasse]

You fit my long-absence-awesome-chapter theory to a T.
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Old 12-14-2010, 06:30 AM
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Default Re: Pokemon: Team StormRiders [PG-13] [Chapter 30; A Brief Impasse]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kumori Gem View Post
My god, Xanthe. Thanks for the really looonngg comment and finding all my mistakes. ITOLDYOUTHEREWASALOT. I'll fix those now. xD

And well, they ARE legendaries so they're kinda meant to seem immortal. But they're not. =O *willnotrevealplotspoilers*

A COUNSELLOR. XD Well maybe, except I don't know if they have them in this world. Never really thought about it, haha! And there's tonnes of powers that Pokemon have that can't be explained, least of all sticking a hand into another. xD The same was done to Zanna, if you recall, when Arc put his hand through her.

I have a few chapters that don't have Zanna or the other mains in them. I call them "fillers" and don't much enjoy writing them (for the main fact she's not in it), but they're crucial to the story anyway. xD

And it's fine! I don't expect everyone to read chapters when I post 'em. nwn
No worries! 8D It wasn't that long. xDD *makes comments like that all the time* You should see how long my posts are after a chapter of The Path of Destiny! xDDD In turn, though, Scy leaves ripper comments for me, too. xDD xD Well some of them weren't mistakes, like when Dusty agreed with Jarre. xDD

Yeah, I guess so. ^^ For some reason I never thought of that. xDD But yeah, makes sense.

YES. No, not in his world, anyway. xDD Yeah, that's true. I thought it could be because he's a ghost type, but he's not. Which is stupid, because I've always thought darkrai should be ghost types... But no! Apparently Nintendo doesn't think so!

Oh, right. xDD Fillers, really? o: Yeah... (xDDD Yeah.) It reminds me of all the boring TtEoaF chapters I have that are filled with information and character interaction rather than action. xD Like you said, it's all important stuff, though.

Yeah, I completely know what you mean. ;3

~GS.
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  #1448  
Old 12-14-2010, 06:36 AM
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Default Re: Pokemon: Team StormRiders [PG-13] [Chapter 30; A Brief Impasse]

Omigosh! OMIGOSH! Every chapter seems to get better! *mutters* Even when things are at their worst, but I don't want to encourage that. x3
This one was great, having it broken up like that. Everyone is trying their hardest to deal with their own problems. Zanna finally voices her own feelings, which she couldn't do to anyone else before. Jarre makes some realizations about himself and his friend. Rye is still caught up in his own trouble, but figures out something he really needed to a long time ago, though with Darkrai involved I can't help thinking you're about to blow it all up in his face. T^T *huggles poor Rye* And someone is busting in on Tali's secret? Oh no! =o Zanna knows something's wrong, but there's no telling what she'll find out.
Oh wow, I can't wait till the next chapter! x3

I'm sure Xanthe got all the typos. But, I did see one thing that caught my attention.

Quote:
and the Sneasel that treated me like a long time friend I’d only known for a few hours knew nothing of my past.
That part of the sentence just kinda seems to run on a little. Maybe if you broke it up a bit.
"...a long time friend, I'd only known for a few hours and knew nothing..."
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  #1449  
Old 12-18-2010, 04:52 AM
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Default Re: Pokemon: Team StormRiders [PG-13] [Chapter 30; A Brief Impasse]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lusankya View Post
You fit my long-absence-awesome-chapter theory to a T.
That's what I was going for. xD I didn't know you were still reading.

Yeah, I was aware of that really long sentence, but I wanted to make it seem like Zanna was rambling. xD I might change it later. Maybe.

And whatever happens, happens. REMEMBER. It's all for the story. xD So don't hold me accountable for all the bad things. Though, really, I think some good needs to happen soon. xD The next chapter is on its way and already halfway done! I'm getting more inspiration for this ficcy, now!

Rye: *hugged* *sheepish grin* ... Thanks.
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  #1450  
Old 12-20-2010, 01:30 PM
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Default Re: Pokemon: Team StormRiders [PG-13] [Chapter 30; A Brief Impasse]

So I just read through everything in the last two days and I have to say that I am hooked. I haven't read much fanfiction in a very long time, but your story is really awesome, Gem. =) It kind of made me want to start writing again. :o

I think Altair is my favourite character and I kind of want him to be with Zanna :x But I have a habit of supporting odd couples xD He has such a sad story though, poor guy. A New Dawn is probably my favourite chapter (so far) because of him.

It's great how you have so many main characters with detailed histories, it really keeps it interesting. I found it so odd picturing a Torchic torturing Pokemon, though. I'll never look at that little chicken the same way again. xD

I suck so much at reviewing! xD But I just wanted to let you know that you have a new reader!
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Old 12-21-2010, 12:40 AM
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Default Re: Pokemon: Team StormRiders [PG-13] [Chapter 30; A Brief Impasse]

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So I just read through everything in the last two days and I have to say that I am hooked. I haven't read much fanfiction in a very long time, but your story is really awesome, Gem. =) It kind of made me want to start writing again. :o

I think Altair is my favourite character and I kind of want him to be with Zanna :x But I have a habit of supporting odd couples xD He has such a sad story though, poor guy. A New Dawn is probably my favourite chapter (so far) because of him.

It's great how you have so many main characters with detailed histories, it really keeps it interesting. I found it so odd picturing a Torchic torturing Pokemon, though. I'll never look at that little chicken the same way again. xD

I suck so much at reviewing! xD But I just wanted to let you know that you have a new reader!
Two days. xD That's like Neo and Shen (who read it in three iirc). Wow, thanks, Sarah! Makes me really happy when I earn a new reader. nwn And it makes me doubly happy when people say it makes them want to write again! And you write well. =D

Ah, so you like Altair? Heehee. I won't ruin the surprise of what I have in store, but he should feature more in upcoming chapters, so you can hear more about him! xD And that's funny, I remember Xanthe saying (I think) that she wanted to see Jarre and Zanna together. XD

It probably confuses people - how often I switch views and stuff - but I just love telling the pasts of all the main characters, not just Zanna's (who actually hasn't had much of her past revealed at all, yet xD). I thought about it some time ago, actually, and the way the story was going it would take forever to finish if I told everyone's past. So I rechecked a few things to keep it simple and shortened the story a bit. Whatever is not told in this one can be told in the sequel. nwn YES. There will be a sequel.

And no, you don't suck! Thank you for taking the time to review my ficcy. Means a lot to me. xD

Oh. If you ever get scared of Jarre, many people find it scary to taunt him about KFC. B)
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Old 12-21-2010, 01:04 AM
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Default Re: Pokemon: Team StormRiders [PG-13] [Chapter 30; A Brief Impasse]

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Originally Posted by Kumori Gem View Post
That's what I was going for. xD I didn't know you were still reading.

Yeah, I was aware of that really long sentence, but I wanted to make it seem like Zanna was rambling. xD I might change it later. Maybe.

And whatever happens, happens. REMEMBER. It's all for the story. xD So don't hold me accountable for all the bad things. Though, really, I think some good needs to happen soon. xD The next chapter is on its way and already halfway done! I'm getting more inspiration for this ficcy, now!

Rye: *hugged* *sheepish grin* ... Thanks.
Well I was rather behind :x
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Dali: "You're right. Let's take some cats and splash them with water."
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Old 12-21-2010, 01:59 AM
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Default Re: Pokemon: Team StormRiders [PG-13] [Chapter 30; A Brief Impasse]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lusankya View Post
Well I was rather behind :x
Good to see you caught up. xD
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  #1454  
Old 12-21-2010, 03:01 AM
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Default Re: Pokemon: Team StormRiders [PG-13] [Chapter 30; A Brief Impasse]

Tali is bad news >:( What is she's planning to use the shadow poison on Zanna? I mean, what would happen then? 0o'

Although, imagine light and darkness combined...Deoxys would be screwed.

Poor Rye - although it seems Eon helped him in a way. As for Jarre - we all regret things, don't we?

Nice chapter!
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Old 12-21-2010, 04:09 AM
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Default Re: Pokemon: Team StormRiders [PG-13] [Chapter 30; A Brief Impasse]

Ugh. I only got that GREAT pun Jarre made when I re-read that part of Xanthe's post. I'm so slow tonight XD

But yeah, there's not much that I can say that hasn't already been said; it was nice to see how everyone was coping, though I have a feeling those black bands can't be a good thing.
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