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Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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Old 04-17-2007, 06:03 AM
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Default Misty's First Catch


Summer time had come round again, and Camp Indigo was in full swing. Children between the ages of six and ten attended the camp for two weeks during summer to give their parents a break, or to help them make new friends. It had been a few days since the camp had begun and the children participated in different activities, like swimming in a river that ran by the camp, and playing with tame Pokemon.

The camp was set on an acre of land in the heart of the forest to the west of Pallet Town and was centred on a large pond. Small cabins were built between trees and the customary large dining room, where the whole camp came together, was located in a small clearing near the entrance.

At the far side of the park in a small, wooden cabin sat red-headed Misty Waterflower. Her legs dangled over her top bunk bed lazily and she held her head up in one hand. "I hate camp! Stupid sisters," she complained. I can take care of myself. They don't look after me anyway, the seven-year-old thought, still angry at her three sisters who had sent her to camp so that they could "make over the Gym"; though Misty knew they just wanted to get rid of her. Misty's family owned the Pokemon Gym in Cerulean City and she had lived there all her life.

The young girl wasn't good at making friends, partly because she didn't try, and partly because of her temper. She tended to be bossy and so most of the kids steered clear of her. She had a single friend at the camp, and that was her pet Seel, which her sisters had agreed to let her take along. She wore Seel's Pokeball around her neck, and just knowing that it was with her always made her feel better.

Across the camp in his own little cabin on the other side of the pond was six-year old Ash Ketchum. He lay on his bottom bunk with his hands folded behind his head. "I hate camp! I miss my mom," Ash moaned sadly, rolling over onto his side. "Big boys don't cry," he reminded himself sternly, quickly wiping the tears from his eyes. Ash's mother was very protective of her son and hadn't wanted to send him to camp at all, but on the advice of her good friend, and Kanto's resident Pokemon expert, Professor Oak, Delia had been convinced that the experience could only be a good one for Ash. It was true that he enjoyed the camp's activities, especially playing with the Pokemon, but whenever they had spare time, Ash would always start feeling homesick.

"Look, baby Ash is crying again!"

Ash didn't even need to turn around to know that it was Professor Oak's grandson, Gary, standing in the doorway. Another reason that Delia had let Ash go was because Gary would be there and she believed that the boys were friends.

"I'm not crying!" Ash yelled angrily, but his shaky voice gave him away.

Gary Oak wore a purple shirt and dark pants and his light brown hair stuck up messily on his head.

"Does little Ashyboy miss his mommy?" Gary smirked, grabbing something from his bed.

"Grr, get OUT!" Ash yelled, balling his fists.

"Yeah, yeah, you're no fun. Smell ya later," Gary shrugged, bored of his little game. He shut the cabin door behind him.

"I hate camp," Ash sighed again.

------------------------


"Time for Pokemon activities!" a voice over the loudspeaker called.

Misty smiled at this. The only things she liked about the camp were swimming and getting to play with all the different Pokemon. She came from a Water-Pokemon gym, so naturally she liked Water-types the best. She jumped down from the bed and headed out toward the large pen that held many different tame Pokemon.

Across the camp, Ash Ketchum grabbed his red and white Pokemon League hat and raced out the door. Pokemon were his favourite thing in the whole world and when he was old enough, he was going to be a Pokemon Trainer.

The two arrived at the Pokemon pen at the same time. Ash was trying to avoid Gary and see the Pokemon over the group of children, while Misty was busy looking for a Water type Pokemon.

"Quiet please," a teenager dressed in a red Pokemon Ranger's uniform said. Her name was Amanda and she was one of the camp counselors that helped look after the children.

"WOW, she's so pretty!"

Ash and Misty turned simultaneously to stare at the muttering dark-haired boy standing next to them. He had black, spiky hair and wore green and orange. Ten-year-old Brock lived in Pewter City where his father was the Pokemon Gym Leader.

"Weird..." Misty muttered under her breath, creeped out by the boy's infatuation.

"Yeah," Ash nodded, trying not to laugh.

Misty turned and smiled at the younger boy. He had messy black hair that stuck out under his cap and wore a blue jacket and light blue pants.

He smiled back, laughing as Brock pushed through the crowd of children to get to Amanda.

"Okay, now make sure you be gentle with the Pokemon. They're not toys," Amanda warned, directing her speech more toward the younger children in the group.

"Yeah, mmhmm, Pokemon aren't toys," Brock gurgled absentmindedly.

Amanda opened the gate and the children rushed in. Misty saw a Staryu and ran over to it right away, while Ash stood there for a moment trying to decide which Pokemon to play with first.

Amanda took a seat in a chair across the pen from where she could keep an eye on the kids.

"Wow, this Staryu's really great," Misty said to herself, running her hand down the smooth golden scales of the star-shape Pokemon. Staryu had a brilliant pink jewel at its core which flashed prettily in the sun.

Ash had decided to wander over to a sleepy Bulbasaur and sat down next to it.

"Bulbaaaa," it yawned as he patted its head. It then rolled over and rubbed against the boy affectionately.

After a few more minutes, Ash stood up. "When I'm a Pokemon Trainer I might choose a Bulbasaur as my starter, just like you," he said happily.

Bulbasaur seemed to think it was a good idea and offered the young boy a vine which he shook as a sign of friendship.

Misty turned her gaze from Staryu for a moment to look at the other Pokemon. Four young children were watching a Meowth, which was rolling around with a ball of string playfully. There were Pokemon everywhere, from Pidgey and Rattata to Eevee and Squirtle.

Misty noticed that the older boy from earlier didn't seem interested in the Pokemon at all. Instead he was over talking to Amanda who seemed to be a little creeped out herself. "I'm already a Pokemon Trainer," Brock was telling Amanda impressively. "I turned ten last week and got my license, look!" Brock proudly pulled a card from his pocket and showed Amanda, who smiled and nodded.

"I think you'll be a great Pokemon Trainer, Brock," she sweatdropped. "Now why don't you go play with the Pokemon...?"

Misty tore her gaze away from the strange scene and decided to go and see Squirtle.

Meanwhile, Ash patted Bulbasaur once more on the head, said goodbye, and then looked around at the other Pokemon, trying to decide which one to meet next. He spotted a small, blue turtle over in the corner, and decided to take a look. Squirtle was another Pokemon that he'd get to choose from when he started his journey. The young boy had spent hours trying to decide what Pokemon he would pick, but he still had no idea.

"Hey Squirtle! BOO!" Gary yelled at the Pokemon.

The little blue turtle yelped in fright and dove into its brown shell which spun in the air before dropping to the ground.

"Hahaha, what a scaredy cat!"

"Hey!" Ash yelled as he approached, "What are you doing to that Squirtle?"

"Oh, if isn't little Ashyboy. I'm not doing anythin'," Gary replied innocently.

Ash knew Gary was terrorising Squirtle. He looked over to Amanda but she was too busy with Brock to notice what was happening.

Squirtle stuck its head out of its shell for a moment, and Gary yelled at it again.

"Stop that!" Ash cried angrily, bending over Squirtle's shell. "It's okay, Squirtle," he coaxed gently.

Slowly Squirtle stuck its head out of its shell again and peered cautiously at Gary.

"Hmpf, we were just playin', weren't we Squirtle?" Gary said, annoyed at Ash's interruption. He bent down and reached out a hand to pat the turtle on the head.

The little Water-type had had enough. It got to its feet and scurried behind Ash.

"Hey, what's going on?" a young girl asked suspiciously, as she walked up to the pair. Her orange-red hair was tied in a ponytail at the side of her head and she wore a yellow shirt with red braces and blue shorts.

"I was just playin' with Squirtle and then this kid came and scared it," Gary pouted.

Misty turned to face Ash and realised he was the same boy from earlier.

"Hey! That's not true. You were the one scaring it!" Ash retorted, standing up to face Gary.

Misty took one look at Squirtle huddled behind Ash and could see who was lying.

"Give that Squirtle back! I was playin' with it first!" Gary took a step toward Ash, intending to push him.

"No way!" Ash yelled, stepping forward also.

Misty moved in first, knocking Gary backwards. He slipped and fell onto the soft ground.

"What are you doing?!" Gary growled, his eyes narrowing.

"Don't ever hurt a Pokemon again! 'Specially a Water type!" Misty yelled angrily, her hands on her hips.

Squirtle and Ash nodded in agreement.

"Gary Oak! What are you doing?" The three turned to see Amanda staring over them. It seemed she had finally managed to escape from Brock.

"She pushed me!" Gary sobbed, pretending to wipe fake tears from his eyes.

"He was scaring Squirtle!" Misty and Ash said in unison.

"There'll be no fighting at this camp," Amanda replied sternly. "As your punishment you will all miss out on swimming this afternoon. Now come on, Pokemon activities are over."

As soon as she was gone, Gary got up, poked out his tongue at Ash, and then followed the crowd of children out of the pen.

Misty turned to the young boy beside her. "That was pretty brave," she said shyly.

Ash grinned, "I didn't want Squirtle to get hurt... Wait… you have a Pokemon?!" He peered at the Pokeball tied around Misty's neck.

"Yes, it's my pet Seel" Misty replied protectively, her hand automatically moving to her necklace.

"That's so cool! Um, what's your name?"

"Misty," the redhead replied, "Yours?"

"Ash."

"Wanna be friends?" Misty blurted out nervously.

Ash screwed up his face. "Huh? I don't wanna be friends with a girl!" he cried, as if she was crazy.

"What?!" Misty yelled in disbelief, her temper flaring. "I just saved you from that bully!"

"Did not! I could have done it myself!" Ash said indignantly, folding his arms.

"Could not!"

"Could too!"

"Could not!"

"OUT!" yelled Amanda from the door of the pen. The other children had already gone to get their bathing suits on and the two young Pokemon enthusiasts were the only ones left.

Misty and Ash exited obediently.

"I can do anything a boy can do!" Misty flared when Amanda disappeared.

"Prove it!" Ash said.

"I will!" Misty shot back.

The pair were half way toward their cabins when Ash stopped walking.

"Ha! I bet you can't catch a Pokemon!" the young boy challenged.

"I can too!"

"Can not!"

"Can too!"

"Can no- ...Hey!" Ash stopped in mid remark. He'd spotted a small, green caterpillar Pokemon, with a large, pink antenna on its head, crawling along the branch of a tree.

"Catch that one then," he said, poking out his tongue.

"AHHHHH!" Misty screamed, jumping behind Ash. "Get that gross thing away from me!"

Ash burst into laughter. "I didn't know you were scared of Pokemon, Misty."

"I'm not scared of Pokemon!" Misty said agitatedly, "I just hate BUGS!"

"Aw, but Caterpie are just sooo cute," Ash trilled happily, moving toward the caterpillar.

As soon as it saw him coming, it scrambled up the tree.

"Urgh, you think that's cute?" Misty whimpered, shaking the image of Caterpie from her mind. "I don't ever want a Bug Pokemon. I'm gonna to be a Water Pokemon Trainer..." she trailed off.

"Then catch that one..." Ash shrugged, pointing over her shoulder. There at the edge of the pond was a small jellyfish Pokemon. It had two tentacles and two large red jewels on its head with a smaller one in the middle. Its body was a sky blue colour and it wasn't moving. Ash presumed it was asleep in the sun.

Mist gasped. "It's... so... pretty!" she cried in delight.

Ash looked at her strangely.

"What?" Misty shrugged, blushing. She turned back to the Tentacool. All at once a determined look came over her face and Ash was sure he could see fire burning in her eyes. He stepped back.

Misty's fists were clenched by her side and she stood in a battle stance with one foot forward. "I'm gonna catch it!" she cried, pumping her fist into the air. "Er... how... do I catch it?"

Ash sweatdropped and fell backwards. "Duh, with a Pokeball..." he muttered from the ground.

"Do I look like I have a Pokeball?" Misty snorted, her arms crossed. "And everyone knows that. What do you think I am; six?" she shot back, her embarrassment turning to anger.

"Hey, what's wrong with six?!" Ash cried, hurt at her remark. He sat up.

Misty ignored him, shaking her head. "I know I have to use a Pokeball, but where am I gonna get one?"

Ash allowed himself to fall backwards again, losing interest in the conversation. He looked up at the clouds in the bright, blue sky. "Ooh, look, that one looks like a Pikachu!" he laughed happily.

Misty was not amused, "Are you gonna help me or not?!"

"Oh, right..." Ash replied slowly, getting to his feet.

"I got it! That guy who's always chasin' Amanda said he was a Pokemon Trainer. Maybe he could lend me a Pokeball," she grinned.

"He's a real, live Pokemon Trainer?!" Ash asked excitedly, "That's SO cool!"

Misty shrugged. "I bet he's in the dining room with Amanda," she rolled her eyes. "Let's go."

The dining room was where the counselors hung out when they weren't on duty. Ash and Misty trudged there slowly, talking about all the Pokemon they would catch when they became Pokemon Trainers.

"And I'll have a Staryu," Misty finished, as they pushed open the dining room door. Sure enough, Brock was standing at the side of the room, wringing his hands anxiously.

"You wait here," Misty said to Ash, who began to protest, but was quieted when the redhead glared at him.

She walked over to Brock. "Hi," she smiled sweetly up at him.

"Er, hello," Brock said, looking past her and through a doorway from which Amanda's voice could be heard.

Misty shrugged. "You're a Pokemon Trainer, right?" she asked, trying to get the boy's attention.

"Yep... Pokemon Trainer..." Brock replied, not even glancing at her. Misty began to get mad.

"So you must have some spare Pokeballs, right?" Misty questioned. The boy nodded. "So... do you think I could borrow one?"

"What?" Brock asked unsurely, finally looking down at her. "What do you need it for?"

"I wanna catch a Pokemon!" Misty said happily.

"You can't catch Pokemon; you're too young, and besides you need your own Pokemon to weaken a wild Pokemon before you can catch it," Brock replied.

"Pleeeeease," she begged, clasping her hands under her chin and putting on her sweetest smile.

Brock shook his head. "Sorry... oh look... Amanda's coming!" he smiled dreamily.

Misty cut the sweet act and grabbed the boy's arm. "I wonder what Amanda would think if I told her that you wouldn't help me..." she whispered slyly into his ear. "On the other hand... I bet she would think you're really kind to help a kid like me out..."

Brock frowned, considering the idea for a moment. "You could be right..." he said finally, fumbling in his pocket.

Amanda appeared in the doorway and Brock handed two Pokeballs to the young girl. "Here, you can have all my spare Pokeballs," he said loudly so that Amanda would hear. "What can I say, I just love helping out."

Misty snatched the balls from his hand. "Thank-you!" she cried, running toward the entrance. She grabbed Ash's hand on the way out and dragged him outside.

"What are you doing?" Ash cried, pulling his hand away.

"We're in trouble, remember?" Misty said, "We can't let Amanda see us messing around."

"Oh..." Ash replied, spotting the orbs in Misty's hand. "Yay, you got the Pokeball!"

"I got two," Misty grinned, raising her fingers in a 'V' shape. "Want one?" She handed Ash one of the balls.

"Woooow, a real Pokeball. Thanks Misty!" Ash grinned, clutching the ball to his chest.

"Now I'll show you that I can catch that Tentacool!" Misty exclaimed, and the two headed back to the pond.

------------------------
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  #2  
Old 04-17-2007, 06:05 AM
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Default Re: Misty's First Catch

"Where'd it go?" Ash cried disappointedly as they arrived at the small body of water.

Misty peered into the clear pond. It seemed the Tentacool hadn't wanted to hang around to be captured. There were no more Pokemon in sight.

"I guess you'll never be my friend now," she said sadly, her hand moving to the Pokeball around her neck.

Ash looked over to her with surprise. "We can still be friends if you want, Misty," he shrugged, smiling up at the older girl. "I guess you are pretty cool... for a girl." He screwed up his face as he uttered the word.

Misty grinned back, still not looking convinced.

Ash laughed at her serious expression and began chucking his Pokeball up into the air, and then catching it again in his hands.

Misty turned away and walked around the pond, trying to find a sign of that Tentacool. Neither of them noticed Gary approach.

"Oops, sorry Ashybaby," Gary laughed, knocking Ash in the back with his elbow. Ash lost his balance and fell forward. His Pokeball rolled away and landed in the pond.

"Gary!" Ash cried angrily, spotting the red and white orb floating away. "Oh no, my Pokeball!"

Gary snickered and continued walking, but Ash had more pressing matters to attend to. Having a real Pokeball meant he was nearly a real Pokemon Trainer. He had to get it back.

Misty looked up from the water's edge and was surprised to see Ash swimming out toward the middle of the pond. "What are you doing?" she yelled, cupping her hands around her mouth so he could hear. "We're not allowed to go swimming, remember?"

"I dropped my Pokeball!" he called back. He had swum all the way to the centre of the pond before his hand managed to clasp around the red and white orb. "I got it!" he yelled happily, waving to Misty who was looking on worriedly.

"Ash! Get out of there! There are wild Pokemon in that pond!" the young girl cried, "That's why we only swim in the river!"

Ash stopped whooping. He turned back toward the land and began swimming. He was almost half way there when a large shadow appeared in the water and began to circle around him.

"SHARPEDO!" he yelled in terror, paddling faster than ever.

"Don't be silly, there are no Sharpedo in Kanto," Misty rolled her eyes, but she was still worried about her new friend.

Ash hurtled out of the water at lightning speed and collapsed tiredly on the bank, his Pokeball clasped tightly in his hand.

Misty was about to run over to Ash when a wave of water flew up from the pond, soaking her. A beautiful red and white fish had launched itself into the air. Its fins and tail danced around it like the frills of a dress. The aptly nicknamed water maiden also possessed a large silver horn which sparkled on its head as it reflected the sun.

"Goldeen, goldeen," the Pokemon cried as it landed back in the water.

The redhead turned to see Ash running toward her. Misty looked up at the dripping wet boy with amusement. In the rush to get his Pokeball back, Ash hadn't even bothered to remove his shoes before jumping into the water.

"Catch the Pokemon, Misty!" Ash called, puffing.

"But... I've never battled before," Misty said unsurely.

"Come on. You'll never know if you never... Er wait... how does it go again?" Ash scratched his head, referencing an old saying his mother had taught him.

Misty shook her head at the boy, trying not to laugh. She then turned to face the pond. Knowing that this was her chance to prove herself, she ripped the Pokeball from her necklace. "Seel! Let's go!" she cried.

There was a flash of red light and suddenly a large, white Water-type Pokemon appeared in the pond before her. It had a small horn on its head, much like Goldeen's, and large white fangs that protruded upwards from its bottom jaw. Its pink tongue lolled from its mouth. "Seel seel!" it cried happily, clapping its front fins together.

Goldeen took one look at the Pokemon and dove underwater.

"Go get it, Seel, and use Headbutt!" Misty yelled, feeling like a real Pokemon Trainer. She had watched her sisters battle countless times, so even though she had never battled herself; she knew what she was doing.

The great, white, sea lion Pokemon dove into the aqua water after Goldeen. Because the water was relatively clean, Misty could see her Pokemon and Goldeen below. The goldfish Pokemon was using Horn Attack to block Seel's moves and it looked like the two were trading blows evenly.

"Wow, a real Pokemon battle!" Ash cried, even more overjoyed than Misty.

Suddenly a wall of water rose up before the children. Goldeen had used a Waterfall attack to thrust itself and Seel into the air. A lot of the pond water was used, and Misty was surprised to see that Seel wasn't the only one that Goldeen had snatched up in the attack. Caught within the tumultuous wall of water was a small, blue jellyfish Pokemon, its jewels glinting brightly as they reflected the sun.

"Tentacool?!" Ash and Misty said in unison.

The water pummeled Seel and Tentacool, before allowing them both to fall into the water with a splash.

"Seel!" Misty cried worriedly, but her Pokemon leapt out of the water in an arc and then dove back down to show her that it was okay. Both the sea lion and goldfish were now floating calmly on the surface, but Tentacool was nowhere in sight.

Misty was about to call out to Seel when she noticed Goldeen begin to struggle in the water. Suddenly, a blue lump appeared on Goldeen's side. It seemed that the fish had angered Tentacool with the Waterfall attack, and the jellyfish Pokemon was using a Constrict attack on the water maiden.

"Use Take Down, Seel!" Misty instructed.

Goldeen and Tentacool were too busy wrestling to respond to Seel's attack. The white seal began to glow as it powered up, then dove underwater and came up under Goldeen, slashing both it and Tentacool with the horn on its head. The impact separated the two Pokemon and sent them flying, splashing into the water metres away. The hit was so powerful that even Seel took some damage.

"If Seel's your pet Pokemon, how come it’s so good at battling?" Ash asked Misty, impressed at the powerful attack

"It used to belong to my sister and fight in Gym Battles in Cerulean," Misty responded, not tearing her eyes away from the battlefield.

Goldeen and Tentacool reappeared seconds later, bobbing on the surface of the water. The only problem now was that they were both glaring very angrily at Seel.

Without warning, both Pokemon disappeared underwater. Misty watched nervously, wondering what they were up to. Suddenly, Tentacool reappeared, wrapping its tentacles around Seel. The small jellyfish struggled to get a good grip on the sea lion, while Goldeen began to prod Seel with its horn.

"Fury Attack," Ash commentated, watching the orange-patterned fish knock into Seel four times in a row.

Seel was now in trouble. It had to try and beat two Pokemon at once.

"Use Safeguard!" Misty cried to her Pokemon.

Seel began to glow a light green colour and both Goldeen and Tentacool were flung from the Pokemon, like two negatively-charged magnets. The attack bought Misty a little time, but not much else.

"Seel, dive underwater and use Ice Beam to cover yourself!" Misty cried. She was going to put both Seel's attacks and its abilities to good use; the Pokemon's thick skin would protect it from the cold.

Ash couldn't understand what she was doing, but Misty had lived at a Water Pokemon gym all her life. It was easy to assume that she had picked up lots of strategies from watching Gym battles.

Seel dove underwater and began spinning rapidly. It shot just enough ice from its mouth in order to freeze the surrounding water. Soon a giant Seel ice cube floated upwards and bobbed gently on the surface.

"Seelsicle," Ash laughed.

Misty grinned and shook her head.

Goldeen and Tentacool both swam at the frozen Pokemon. The goldfish began hammering at the ice with its horn, while Tentacool squirted shots of acid from its mouth. Both attacks caused barely more than a dent in Seel's ice shield.

"Good work Seel!" Misty yelled, "Use Rest attack!"

Protected by the ice, Seel shut its eyes, glowing a deep purple as it began to heal. Goldeen and Tentacool could do nothing but wait for the ice to melt.

The ice shield melted slowly under the hot sun. Eventually Goldeen's Horn Attack broke through the barrier, conquering Seel's defense.

The sea lion opened its eyes. It was back to full health and ready to battle. The Pokemon’s whole body began to glow as it powered up, then slashed its tail, breaking what was left of the ice.

"Now, Seel, Aurora Beam at the water!" Misty called before Goldeen or Tentacool could get in an attack.

The horn on Seel's head began to flash with pastel colours. It propelled itself into the air using its powerful tail and then fired an icy beam straight down at the water.

Goldeen and Tentacool avoided the hit easily, but as soon as the beam hit the surface, the pond began to freeze over. Misty had seen her sisters use this strategy many times in order to immobilise Pokemon that could only move well in water.

Seel's attack stopped and the Pokemon landed softly on the frozen pond. Both Goldeen and Tentacool had been trapped in the ice and were struggling to get free.

"Finish them with Icy Wind!" Misty cried.

"Seel seel!" Seel clapped its fins together and a fierce wind picked up. Thousands of shards of sharp ice whipped at Goldeen and Tentacool, weakening them further. Both Pokemon stopped struggling. They seemed to be exhausted.

"Ash! Give me your Pokeball!" Misty cried, realising she had the chance to catch both Pokemon.

"But Misty, you gave it to me," Ash moaned, clutching it to his chest.

"Oh, come on!" the redhead yelled impatiently.

"Fine," Ash said sullenly, holding out the red and white orb. "Wait... Misty, do you think I could throw the Pokeball at Tentacool? Please?" he begged.

Misty looked at him thoughtfully. "Fine, go on then," she nodded.

"Thank-you so much!" he yelped happily. "I, Ash Ketchum, will be the greatest Pokemon Master!" he called importantly, sliding his hat around so that it was backwards on his head.

Misty clutched her own empty Pokeball tightly in her right hand, then nodded at Ash

"Pokeball go!" they cried in unison.

Misty flung her red and white orb at Goldeen, while Ash's flew toward Tentacool. Both Pokeballs hit their mark. They bounced off the respective Pokemon, causing them to dematerialise into red light and be absorbed into the balls. The two orbs landed side by side on the ice and began to wobble slowly.

Ash and Misty exchanged a smile, and then watched with bated breath.
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  #3  
Old 04-17-2007, 07:24 AM
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Default Re: Misty's First Catch

Introduction & Plot: Well, the plot is very good. I liked that you had Ash and Misty at summer camp, that was pretty cool. The intro was nice, but always could've been better.

Detail: You were lacking a bit here. Some Pokemon and characters aren't described, and the ones that are get described to a low minimum.

Grammar/Spelling & Dialogue: A couple of mispells (in American perspective), such as "centred" and "centre" (should be centered and center, I think); "terrorising" (terrorizing); "realised" and "realising" (realized and realizing); metres (meters); immobolise (immobolize); dematerialise (dematerialize). Of course, they could just be the Australian spellings. But, other than "colour" and "favourite" (which I know are Australian spellings), these were the only mispells.

Battle & Reality: Well, as for reality...I do believe that little kids would be excited to catch new Pokemon before their 10th birthday. The battle and camp was very believable, too. The battle was good, though a bit one-sided. Seel had the advantage, and Tentacool & Goldeen only got the upper hand once, even though it was 2 on 1. The battle could've been much longer, because all three Pokemon had a lot more to give.

Length: 27,021. Goldeen is Simple (5k), and so is Tentacool. So my question is...Why so much? Lol. This is A-OK.

Extra - Characters: The characters were shown correctly. Gary being the bully, Ash being the Pokemon-loving brat, and Misty being the hot-tempered Water-lover. However, you forget to describe some (such as Gary), and for Gary and Misty, you didn't tell us their ages. We knew that Ash was 6, and Brock was 10, but no other ages.

Overall: Well. The battle was short for both Pokemon, and the details were lacking quite a bit. Plot was great, and the grammar was very nice, along with how you portrayed the characters, and the length was way more than needed. So, I would have to say that this story is pretty borderline. Next time, even for the simpler Pokemon (and especially if you're going for two of them, and only battling with one), extend the battle, and be sure to always add detail. Detail detail detail. ...Detail.

Goldeen Captured
Tentacool Captured
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Last edited by Nikki the Mew; 04-22-2007 at 04:32 AM.
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Old 04-22-2007, 06:45 AM
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Default Re: Misty's First Catch

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Grammar/Spelling & Dialogue: A couple of mispells (in American perspective), such as "centred" and "centre" (should be centered and center, I think); "terrorising" (terrorizing); "realised" and "realising" (realized and realizing); metres (meters); immobolise (immobolize); dematerialise (dematerialize). Of course, they could just be the Australian spellings. But, other than "colour" and "favourite" (which I know are Australian spellings), these were the only mispells.
All of those are Australian spellings ^^ Sorry about that, lol.

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and for Gary and Misty, you didn't tell us their ages.
Oops, forgot about Gary, but I had Misty's age in there somewhere. Ah here:
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They don't look after me anyway, the seven-year-old thought,
Anyway, thanks a lot for the grade! I'll be sure to work on description more from now on ^^
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