Member List
Calendar
F.A.Q.
Search
Log Out
Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000  
 

Go Back   Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000 » Pokemon RPG's » Pokemon Ultra RPG » Stories

Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 04-14-2007, 04:13 AM
Sceptile Offline
Elite Trainer
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Saying hi to Ric Flair.
Posts: 797
Send a message via AIM to Sceptile
Default The Icy Impact

"Wow, it's so rainy outside today...." John sighed, looking out the window. "Man, I'd just love to go outside and get myself a new Pokemon right about now."

John was an energetic kid. He loved to play with friends, especially with his best friend, the Wood Gecko Pokemon, Treecko. John always wore his favorite Black T-shirt, and normal worn out jeans.

Treecko was just a little different than his Trainer, John. Treecko had big blue eyes, a bright red chest, and very, very light green skin. The Wood Gecko Pokemon was lazy very often, but when in battle, Treecko wouldn't hesitate to rip the opponent to ribbons.

"Hey, so what if it's raining outside? Why shouldn't we just go out right now? I mean who cares if we get a little wet? Let's go, Treecko," John said, not thinking carefully.

Slowly, John descended down the stairs, trying to make it outside to Petalburg without mom realizing. John reached out to the door knob, and slowly turned it.

Even though it was raining, Petalburg was still an amazing sight to look at. Their were flowers everywhere, the grass was green, everything was perfect.

"C'mon Treecko! Let's see what we could find out in this rain! I hope the Pokemon will be tough - that will be really fun!" John said, happy to be outside.

First, John tried the normal and easy way to find Pokemon. And that, of course, is by looking in the grass. The grass smelled very strange, but in a good way.

"Hmmm, maybe over here...... nope, probably around here..... not yet.... Man, did you find anything, Treecko? We've been searching for a long time," John shouted, trying to make his voice louder than the heavy rain.

After a moment of complete silence, John started to wonder where Treecko ran off to this time. So, John got up, and started to search for his green Pokefriend.

It didn't take too long to find Treecko. The little rascal got himself into a battle with another trainer and his Corphish!

"Uh, what the heck did Treecko do now?" John asked the Trainer.

"Hello, my name is Andy, and I can tell that you like Water Pokemon!!!" Andy shouted.

"Um, no, I like Gra-"

"GREAT!!! If you can defeat me, I'll give you this cruddy Old Rod!" Andy shouted, interrupting John.

"OK, you're kind of weird, but whatever, let's go Treecko! Use pound!" John shouted, still weirded out by Andy's personality.

Treecko jumped up, and crushed the red Corphish with his big, bushy tail. The Corphish then just disappeared into thin air. Treecko was puzzled by this strange Corphish.

Under Treecko, the ground began to shake a little. Treecko looked around,
just to make sure nothing was coming. Now the ground shook a little harder. But, then the ground under Treecko collapsed and the REAL Corphish
came out and grabbed Treecko's tail!

"Hahaha!!! What a loser!!! Nobody falls for that Double Team trick anymore! Haha!" Andy laughed, loudly.

Corphish, with Treecko's tail in it's grip, began to spin around rapidly. Corphish smirked, and then let go of Treecko, causing him to fly into a tree. Ouch!

"Awww, now your just boring me. Let's go, Corphish," Andy said.

The tall, dark haired man returned the Corphish into his Pokemon, and walked away, laughing loudly.

"Huh? That was weird..... Oh well, let's deal with him later, after I catch a new Pokemon. Hey, it looks like he dropped something. That's the Rod he was going to give us if we won. Cool, let's keep it, it might work, even though it's in that condition...." John told his wounded Pokemon. "But, first let's take you to a Pokemon Center."

After a short rest at the Pokemon Center (Treecko was just fine), John and Treecko headed out to a pond. John also noticed that the rain had stopped.

-1 Hour After getting to the Pond-

The pond was blue, and it sparkeled from the sun.

"I'm getting impatient now, no Pokemon are coming!" John said frustrated. "Let's try over there now, Tree-" John was interrupted by a nibble on his rod!

"A bite! A bite!" John exclaimed.

John pulled with all his might. Boy, it did not want to get caught! But, finally, the water Pokemon came flying out of the water.

"A MAGIKARP?! How was it so strong?" John asked himself, staring at the red fish flopping on the ground. "Well, I guess we could use a powerful Gyarados, so Treecko, make this quick and use a Quick Attack."

Treecko ran towards Magikarp so quick it was barely visible. But, then Magikarp just flopped really high, and landed on Treecko. Treecko was angered to be hurt by such a weak Pokemon.

John could tell that Treecko wanted to handle this alone. So John just watched the rest of the fight, not telling Treecko what to do.

Magikarp started to flop towards Treecko. The red fish then launched itself, trying to ram into the green gecko. But, Treecko thought quickly.The tiny Gecko used it's tail to whack the Magikarp away, just like in a baseball game! Knowing this Magikarp, John knew that it would just flop right back. And, of course, he was correct. Magikarp, looking all beat up, came straight back.

"Oh my Gosh! Treecko! What if mom finds out that we were gone?! Let's finish this now. Hold it down so I can throw a Pokeball at it!" John said, starting to panic.

Treecko did as John said. He used his fastest Quick Attack to push Magikarp into a tree and hold it there. And, just to be safe, Treecko used his strongest Slam on the Magikarp against the tree, just to make it that much weaker.

"Nows my chance...." John thought.

John took in a deep breathe and threw a Pokeball at the poor fish against the tree.

The Pokeball wiggled: One, Two.......



Cool, I just finished my first completed URPG story! =D
I know, it's REALLY short, sorry about that....
Pokemon: Magikarp

EDIT:I'm going to add to this story after I capture Magikarp. Andy is going to be in it, which is why I didn't write too much about him in this chapter.

Last edited by Sceptile; 04-19-2007 at 12:40 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 04-14-2007, 04:51 PM
Larvinator's Avatar
Larvinator Offline
Elite Trainer (Level 2)
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: N/A
Posts: 2,140
Send a message via AIM to Larvinator Send a message via Skype™ to Larvinator
Default Re: The Over Hyper Magikarp!

I claim this story as my first grade. If anyone comes near it, I keel them. B^|

Expect a full grade here within the next couple hours. :D

Story: Though Andy added a bit of intrest, at its core, this story was basically a 'look, find, battle, catch' story. As you already may know, these stories have been done to death and aren't all that interesting. Try and think of a fun twist next time. What if an angry Gyarados came up to protect its young? What if Andy comes back and steals the Magikarp and John has to fight him for it? Let your imagination run wild. ^^

Because it's only a Magikarp, I shall Pass this part, but be aware you will need a more complex plot when you write for Complex and above Pokemon.

Grammar: First off, in general, '...'s and '!'s shouldn't be abused too much. '...'s should only go in threes, and you should only have multiple punctuations if the sentence is both an exclamation and a question, i.e. "Do you want a cruddy Old Rod or not?!" Makes it look neater.

Also, you had a few spelling errors that could be caught with spellcheck, though they were few and far between. Commas was the worst problem you had...

Quote:
So, John got up, and started to search for his green Pokefriend.
Comma not required.
Quote:
Treecko jumped up, and crushed the red Corphish with his big, bushy tail.
First comma not required.
Quote:
But, then the ground under Treecko collapsed and the REAL Corphish came out and grabbed Treecko's tail!
Yeah, that comma isn't needed either. Pretty much, if you're unsure about where a comma is needed, say the sentence aloud. The places where you pause are the places where you need a comma. :)

Though it could use a bit of touching up, the grammar wasn't half bad. Pass. Just watch out for those commas. :O

Description: There wasn't all that much. You did put in some, but Andy in particular could use some more. Tall and dark haired man doesn't tell us all that much. Was he teenage? Did he have long hair? Was his hair dark brown or just black? Did he have pants? Shorts? Raincoat? Overalls?

The setting was also a bit underdescribed. In general, a sentence doesn't have much description power. Maybe 2-5 sentences would do it.

Your battles were nicely done, though, so kudos to you for that, though everything could use more description. ^_~ Anyway, since it's your first story and it's only a Magikarp, I'll Pass this, but remember to describe more in future stories.

Battle: This was probably the best part of the story. You were more descriptive than most other places here, but there were still a couple parts that could use some fixing up...

Quote:
"Well, I guess we could use a powerful Gyarados, so Treecko, make this quick and use a Quick Attack."

Treecko ran towards Magikarp so quick it was barely visible.
A bit of repitition here, no? I reccomend changing the last quick to another similar verb, like swift. Oh, and it should be quickly.

There were also a couple times where you said the attack, but we didn't really get any description, namely when Treeko used Slam. Remember to describe a bit! Anyway, it was good enough for a Pass. Just remember: description is the god of writing.

Length: A little over 5,000 characters. Plenty for Karp. Pass.

Outcome: This was a tough choice, but because it was your first story, Magikarp Captured! Next time, think of a cool plot twist to spice up the action and describe everything around your character!
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by The KKK Official Site
The Ku Klux Klan, LLC. has not or EVER will have ANY connection with The "Westboro Baptist Church".

Last edited by Larvinator; 04-14-2007 at 06:15 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 04-14-2007, 06:24 PM
Sceptile Offline
Elite Trainer
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Saying hi to Ric Flair.
Posts: 797
Send a message via AIM to Sceptile
Default Re: The Over Hyper Magikarp!

OK, thankyou! I was a little surprised that it was over 5,000 characters. Well, thanks!

P.S. My next chapter will be coming soon.

Last edited by Sceptile; 04-18-2007 at 12:16 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 04-18-2007, 06:47 PM
Sceptile Offline
Elite Trainer
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Saying hi to Ric Flair.
Posts: 797
Send a message via AIM to Sceptile
Default Re: The Over Hyper Magikarp!

Yay! New Chapter! =D


----The Icy Impact----



"Wow, anothet great capture. You worked really hard, Treecko. And it looks like you have another friend, buddy!" John happily smiled at Treecko, congratulating him on his excellent work. "But now we have to get home. We don't want mom to find out we were gone. That would be terrible."

John got on his red bike and started to pedal home. John's house wasn't that far, it should only take about five minutes to get home.

John arrives home, and notices that mom was right by the door. How will John get in now?

"Uh-oh, not good. How will we get in now? It looks like we are caught," John whispered to Treecko, feeling defeated. Oh wait, I know."

John noticed that the window was opened a tiny bit. That was perfect. John tossed Magikarp's Pokeball into the window, which would make her freak out. After hearing mom scream and run after Magikarp trying to kill it, John sent Treecko into the house to unlock the door. After the door was unlocked, John ran into the kitchen to save Magikarp.

"Mom, what are you doing?" John asked his mother, who was standing on a chair holding a broom, trying to whack Magikarp.

"Save me! This Magikarp somehow got into the house!" John's mother replied very worried.

"Oh my God, oh my God, return Magikarp," John said, trying to act scared and worried.

"When did you get a Magikarp?" Mom asked, suspicously.

"Er, uh, dad gave it to me," John told his mother, afraid that she would find out that he was gone.

"Okay, that's fine. You do remember that you are going to fight Norman the Gym Leader tomorrow, right?" Mom asked John, hoping that he did not forget.

John thought for a moment, deciding if he should tell the truth or not.

"Erm, why yes, of course, I was just training. Treecko, Chinchou, Magikarp, and I are all ready for the big battle. After all, if I win I will get my first badge!" John told his mom, feeling bad about him lieing. But after all, mom did expect John to remember important events like this, so John didn't want his mom to throw a tantrum. "Well, I'm going to my room, bye mom."

Last edited by Sceptile; 04-19-2007 at 12:50 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 04-19-2007, 09:32 PM
Sceptile Offline
Elite Trainer
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Saying hi to Ric Flair.
Posts: 797
Send a message via AIM to Sceptile
Default Re: The Icy Impact

Chapter 2---

John sighed, and started to walk up the stairs leading to his room. With everything on John's mind it felt like he was walking up the stairs forever. John reached his large blue room and turned the T.V. on. Pokemon posters were hanging everywhere in his room.

"Wow, that was way too close," John sighed. "Well, everything went our way, and today is almost over. I guess I'll go to bed now. Goodnight Treecko, and thankyou for all of your hard work and effort today," John said sleepily, congragulating Treecko.

---The next morning---

"Oh my gosh, it's so co-cold," John told Treecko, who was also freezing.

John got up and looked out of his window. It was heavily snowing outside.

"What, what? It's snowing now? But yesterday it was raining, how odd. The world is probably just coming to an end, oh well," John thought for a moment. "Oh no, it's 10:00! I overslept again! Let's hurry over to the gym."

John put on a Gray sweatshirt and Gray sweatpants. The 11 year-old boy then ran down the stairs. almost slipping from the cold.

"Bye ma, I'll be back in a few hours," John shouted to his mother.

"Okay, becareful and don't get hurt. And you better win that gym battle young man!" Mom shouted back.

John opened the door and ran out, shivering.







Okay, I have a project to do, so I will finish this a little later.
Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 12:32 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Style Design: AlienSector.com