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Go Back   Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000 » Pokemon RPG's » Pokemon Ultra RPG » Stories

Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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  #1  
Old 04-08-2007, 12:47 PM
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Default The New Region

~Chapter 1: All Aboard the SS Ice~

After the warm sunny day on Lillycove bay, Ash Ketchum, James Walters, Rose Jackson and Jonny Fuitroy walked back to the port where they would go to Kanto to see Professor Oak and in search for some brand new pokémon. They broke the silence by starting yet another conversation about the new pokémon. Started by Ash of course!

"All right!" Shouted Ash, "I'm gonna get some new pokémon!"

"Calm down Ash,"said Rose calmly,"We must stay calm or there might be big trouble coming from the life guard, anyway we need to get there quickly as Professor Oak said URGENT."

They didn't talk much after the conversation was over, when the crew arrived on the ship they decided to split up and battle opponents and find any pokemon that they might find.

Ash commanded that he should take the North Side, the Bow. Jonny took the South Side, the Stern. Rose took the East Side, the Starboard and James took the Port on the West side.

Soon a trainer approached Jonny. He had red messy hair and and creased T-shirt with baggy trousers and shoes. Jonny snorted at the look of the trainer, it was so unlike himself. His messy red hair was the opposite to the looks of his blonde quiff and hawiian shirt. He was what some people called 'good looking' and always wore sandels and shorts. Jonny cared about his looks, unlike this old rag here.

"D'ya wanna bahulle wiv ma pokémon, yer?" Mumbled the scruffy boy.

"Yu what?"Jonny replied. Looking sternly at the boy.
The boy turned around to see if anyone else was around eagerly. Then turned to face Jonny again.
"Do-you-want-to-battle-with-me?"
The red head spoke sharp and quickly so Jonny could just about make out the words he was saying.

"Sure!" Jonny called sarcastically,"Like I would want to face a scruffy old rag boy like you!"
The rag-head looked angry but soon relaxed.

"I guess you're just chicken,"The weird boy said dancing like a chicken around Jonny.

"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME!!"Jonny screamed at him,"No body calls me chicken!! I accept your challenge!"

Soon the red haired boy stood up against Jonny in a battle. Jonny only had 1 pokemon on him so he chose to just have a 1 on 1.

"GO Primeape!" Jonny shouted out and pulled out a ball from his belt and flung it, "Primeape use dynamicpunch!"

"GO Feraligatr!" The Kid shouted and pulled out a indigo & white pokeball out of his pocket, "Feraligatr use hydro pump!"
The two trainers battled, missing a lot and evading others attacks. Suddenly.......

"Feraligatr use surf!"
Primeape squealed silently as the mighty tidal crashed down on top of it.
With great force Primeape blasted out, smashing through a hard plastered wall. Knocking it out immediatly.

After the last drop of water evaporated under the grey smoke from the light above them.
"Who are you? What is your name?"Jonny asked the red haired kid.

"I'm Andrew but you can call me Drew, everyone does. I'm just a trainer. But soon I'll become a great gym leader,"The kid replied.
Suddenly Jonny felt a bump and a calm of the motor he looked over towards the bow.

"This must be where we get off......"
Jonny couldn't end his sentence because before he new it he was talking to himself and Drew had gone away.


Last edited by groudon6_6_6; 04-17-2007 at 05:28 PM.
  #2  
Old 04-10-2007, 05:48 PM
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Default Re: The New Region

James jogged along the empty corridor looking for anything that might be of interest to him. He realised it was a dead-end with nothing there but a bookshelf in the corner. James looked a lot like Neo from 'The Matrix'. Black Hair, very intelligent face posture and wore a long black leather coat. The bookshelf looked very strange, the wall paper was fine all around the corridor but behind the bookshelf was all creased and cracked. Scooting down the hall, James checked carefully at the bookcase and found something strange on a hardback pokémon book called "Expecting hidden cellars in strange ships".
On the spine of the book, James discovered a number.35291. James whispered and wondered what it might be for.
"35291? Why does it have 35291 on the back? Possibly a code? or maybe a number of something on the ship. 35,291. What could it be!"
A crack appeared at James' feet and he eventually fell.


James hit the ground at the bottom of the ship. He could hear the motor roaring and the sea lashing against the side and feeling the uncomfortable, dusty floor creep over his sence of sanity, James urged himself onto is feet. After he frantically brushed his hair with his hand to get out any dust, James walked carefully over to the back a pack of crates rumble loudly. A pokémon? Or maybe just the engines. James checked it out anyway, to see if anyone might be there to help him get back up to the top. Suddenly....

"Taaiiilllooww!"

James twisted his head around to see a Taillow standing in this way, He took out his pokédex to see it's profile....

"Number 026 or 276 in the National dex, TAILLOW is young - it has only just left its nest. As a result, it sometimes becomes lonesome and cries at night. This POKéMON feeds on WURMPLE that live in forests."

James turned the pokédex off and put it in is pocket.
"Hmm, a taillow...Yes I need one of those!"He turned to taillow,"Wait there I must have put all the pokéballs in my ruck sack, I left it on the crates."
Just as James turned back after he collected his pokémon and his pokéballs to just see taillow fly up on top of the scafolding at the top.

"Crafty devil,"James muttered and threw out a pokéball,"Go! Pidgeotto!"

The flying pokémon came out of it's pokéball and flew up to James' face.

"Pidgeotto fly up to Taillow and use peck!"

Pidgeotto whizzed up and soared towards Taillow.
BAMM!!!!!!!!

Pidgeotto flew backwards in shock. Taillow must have fought back with wing attack.

James smirked,"so you want to play a game eh taillow?"
Taillow just groomed it self in vain.

"Pidgeotto use whirlwind!"

Taillow suddenly got up and headed towards Pidgeotto evading it's blasts of wind in competition to try and whip them away and successfully hitting Pidgeotto in a quick attack weakening it badly.

"Pidgeotto return!" James threw a different pokeball, "Go! Blastoise!"

Blastoise emerged from its pokéball.

"Use hydro pump blastoise!"James called out.
This time it was taillow that got the shock and it lay soaked in the corner. Out of breath.

James chucked his great ball to try and catch the taillow.

It wiggled right, then left, the right again.........


Last edited by groudon6_6_6; 04-17-2007 at 05:30 PM.
  #3  
Old 04-13-2007, 11:11 AM
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Default Re: The New Region

~Ready for Grading!

6236 characters long
Pokemon for capture: taillow
  #4  
Old 04-16-2007, 09:21 AM
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Default Re: The New Region

Introduction:
A very simple introduction you have 4 mates are travelling to Kanto region for a new adventure. You could of added more detail here like hor old they all were, what do they look like, what they where wearing ect, This is just enough for Taillow.
Edit: Oh ok the Descriptions of the mates come a bit later after the intro.
This is a just Pass.

Plot:
4 Mates are on a ship after getting an urgent call from Professor Oak to go to Kanto. The 4 mates split up when they reach the boat, looking for battles. One guy finds a battle and underestimates the opponent and gets pummeled. Then the story goes back to this James character and he is in a room and he just found a book with some secret code. He tries to figure it out but a crack in the floor makes him fall down to another level, thats where he finds the taillow and battles it.

The start of this plot could of been made into an very interesting one. But I didn't really get what you made it into. A guy falls down into a crack and see's a Taillow? Thats not belivable. I recommend thats you fix up this plot before you try to catch another Pokemon.

Barely a Pass/ Borderline

Grammar:
This part hurt you ALOT. You forgot to do so many things like: Capitals (you didn't even put capitals on the word Pokemon), starting new paragraph very time some one speaks, putting commas where there not needed and the extra full stops.

Examples:
Quote:
Prof Oak
Uhh? Professor Oak, don't be lazy.

Quote:
"All right!"Shouted Ash, "I'm gonna get some new pokémon!"
There should be a space between that.

Quote:
"We must stay calm or there might be big trouble coming from the life guard, anyway we need to get there quickly, Professor Oak said URGENT."
You could of just put a "as" there instead of the extra comma.

Quote:
"Yu what?"Jonny replied. Looking sternly at the boy.
The boy turned around to see if anyone else was around eagerly. Then turned to face Jonny again.

"Do-you-want-to-battle-with-me?"
The red head spoke sharp and quickly, Jonny could just about make out the words he was saying.
No need for the extra spaces.

Quote:
Soon the red haired boy stood up against Jonny in a battle. Jonny only had 1 pokemon on him so he chose to just have a 1 on 1.
"GO Primeape!" Jonny shouted out and pulled out a ball from his belt and flung it,"Primeape use dynamicpunch!"
"GO Feraligator!"The Kid shouted and pulled out a indigo & white pokeball out of his pocket,"Feraligator use hydro pump!"
The two trainers battled, missing a lot and evading others attacks. Suddenly.......
"Feraligator use surf!"
Primeape squealed silently as the mighty tidal crashed down on top of it.
With great force Primeape blasted out, smashing through a hard plastered wall. Knocking it out immediatly.

After the last drop of water evaporated under the grey smoke from the light above them.
"Who are you? What is your name?"Jonny asked the red haired kid.
"I'm Andrew but you can call me Drew, everyone does. I'm just a trainer. But soon I'll become a great gym leader,"The kid replied.
Suddenly Jonny felt a bump and a calm of the motor he looked over towards the bow.
"This must be where we get off......"
Jonny couldn't end his sentence because before he new it he was talking to himself and Drew had gone away.
Start a new paragraph everytime some one talks.

This is just some of the errors, you need to improve on this bit a lot.
Fail

Detail:
Well there wasn't much detail here but atleast you gave it a try to describe what the 4 people where wearing
Barely a pass.


Battle:
The battle, I was thinking to myself is this part even worse than the grammar part? Yes, there was length in it but the attacks and the detail of the attacks was so little i could only spot the very obvious ones like
Quote:
Pidgeotto evading the blasts of wind
.
Fail

Length:
6k of characters enough i guess for this Taillow.
Pass

OutCome:
Well the story started out well but i ended in disaster, im sorry to say this but Taillow NOT captured. Go back and edit the grammar errors and even maybe the battle and i will happily give you that little Birdy.
__________________


~TE

Last edited by Ketamine; 04-16-2007 at 09:53 AM.
  #5  
Old 04-17-2007, 05:31 PM
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Default Re: The New Region

I've fixed the story. You can try to grade it again now. It is ready.
  #6  
Old 04-18-2007, 04:45 AM
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Default Re: The New Region

Well i can see you fixed up most of the mistakes, just keep in mind for future stories always capitalise "i". Also capitalise Pokemon names/moves aswell. Since the rest of the story is okand you added a bit to the battle I say Taillow Captured still it was about a 60% capture I recommend you spend more time on it next story.
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  #7  
Old 04-18-2007, 06:17 PM
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Default Re: The New Region

THANK YOU!

My first story pokemon

pretty rubbish compared to Charizard and salamence but still...

YAHOO!!!!!!

(don't close this thread)
  #8  
Old 04-19-2007, 05:42 PM
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Default Re: The New Region

~Chapter 2: A Meeting With Oak~
Soon Jonny made his way over to the place where they first decided to split up on the ship and met up with Ash, Rose and a very dusty and scratched James.
"James, why are you so dusty?" asked Jonny awkwardly, staring at James and slowly inching himself round him.
"I fell," he answered, "down a hole and I fought a tough taillow."
By this time Ash started to burst out laughing,
"A taillow!" he chuckled,
"stop it ash it's not funny...." said Rose
"A taillow!" Ash repeated, interupting Rose, "I have a swellow! And they're not that hard!"
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