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Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.

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Old 03-10-2004, 02:40 AM
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Default Double Clamperl Day!

Sootopolis City
Ah, Sootopolis. Home of Team Aqua, well the underwater base anyway. Sometimes, I wish I could tell people, but if I did I'd be fired from my Admin position by my brother (*NOTE: This takes place 1 year BEFORE R/S so I'm still an Admin). I was just on my way to get lemonade at a local shop when I saw Wallace walk by. He knew I was a water trainer. He didn't know I was in Aqua though, which was good, or I wouldn't have heard this good news.
"rust, did you hear? Clamperl Swarm!" Wallace exclaimed (*Note to graders: My name is spelled with a lowercase r, do not mark me off on that).
"Huh?" I replied paying attetion to the awning on the lemonade shop.
"Underwater grass, a bunch of Clamperl have gathered looking for pearls," the blue'haired Gym Leader answered. The word 'Pearl' caught my attention. I knew out of the small pearls were big pearls. And Big Pearls meant only one thing: Money! Also, the sometimes rare Clamperl meant another Pokemon for my Collection. I went inside and got some lemonade and took a sip of that sour drink. I puckered for a moment and then drank the rest.
All the way home, I looked like I was trying to kiss someone. That's what I love about the lemonade; it's very sour. If it wasn't it wouldn't be called 'Sour Shop.'
I ran home, fortunatly avoiding women and had a glass of water. The cool drink relaxed my tense lip muscles. I ran into my room and got my diving gear. Since Marshtomp doesn't know dive yet, I'll need this.
Another thing I love about Sootopolis is that I live next to the ocean. I ran into my back-yard as I called it (It was a bunch of rocks then sea). I jumped over the rocks and into the sea.
In my wetsuit, I didn't feel much of the cool water, but my face with only a breathing appartus and goggles could.
I loved swimming. I swam a lot as a boy, only 30-some years ago. I finally came to the underwater grass and began to dig until something bit my hand: A Clamperl, A Shiny Clamperl! I hit the shell and it let go of my hand. It thought I was stealing its pearl.
"Marshtomp, GOOO!"
I sent my red and white Pokeball into the air and out popped the mud-fish Pokemon, Marshtomp.
"Tackle," I instructed.
Marshtomp tackled the clam Pokemon pretty hard, but it could still attack. Clamperl clamped onto Marshtomp's hand, turning it purple.
Great, if Clamperl clamps everything, I'll have a shiny Marshtomp, I thought.
The Sparkling Pokemon then clamped the Mud-Fish's face. Marshtomp kicked the Clamperl and it tackled it again. If Clamperl could seep blood, we'd be in red water right now. Taking that thought as an oppurtunity, I threw a Pokeball. The red and white sphere landed on Clamperl. Now its a matter of time before I know If its mine or not.

WRITER'S NOTE: If I get that clamperl, I'm gonna get another one too in the same topic.
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Old 03-11-2004, 08:56 AM
boltAge Offline
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Default Re: Double Clamperl Day!

Story: You think there's even any storyline or plot? You just described yourself roughly, all of a sudden, a Clamperl pops up and you attempt to catch it. Describe further, make some more stuff happen before you meet Clamperl, a conversation or two won't hurt, just don't make conversations too long or they'll get boring.

Grammar: Some typoes, nothing more. Good.

Details: You need a lot more. Describe your base/home more, describe the scenery around you, describe the Clamperl, for example, "Clamperl clamped onto me persistently, not willing to let go. I was angered by the Clamperl, and I delivered a strong blow with my arm onto it.". Not perfect, it's just an example, so good luck on this section.

Reality: Yeah, it's okay I guess.

Battle: 1 or 2 attacks ends the battle. What on earth? o_0 Describe your battles with adjectives and adverbs, they help a lot, and don't let yourself have too much advantage, as it gets very boring this way.

Outcome: Clamperl not captured!
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