For an eleven year old, you sure know a lot of swear words… @.@
It’s really not good at all. The formatting makes it pretty difficult to read, understand who is speaking, what is really happening, and why this has all happened. The reflections on the protagonist are very slight whims, most of it is very rushed dialogue, and there appears to be a very high lack of substance in the storyline. Also, it seems to get a lot of what happens in the game confused with the intended story you want to create. Having this creates of problem of not being able to understand and differentiate between the two.
Meanwhile, the grammar, spelling, and formatting need a lot of work. If you really want people to be interested in your story, you need to make it presentable, interesting, original, and very carefully constructed. Unfortunately, I can definitely say this isn’t any of these.
Try reading this guide
and it should give you a very clear outlook on how to approach this. I’ve seen several authors on this site go from writing a not-so-great story toward writing total masterpieces. If you keep committed and really work at improving yourself, you can definitely be the same.