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Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.

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Old 03-25-2007, 08:01 PM
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Default Now you know your ABCs... In Pokemon?

Pokemon going for: Unown A

"A, B, C, D, Eeeeeeeeeeeee!" Bair shrieked at the top of his lungs. His long-suffering mother covered her ears with a sigh, as her child launched into yet another ear-piercing refrain of the ABCs song.

"Indoor voices, hunny," she reminded him, noticing that the other customers didn't look happy, either. The waiting room was mostly empty, but the people who were present were all on the other side of the room, trying to avoid her rambunctious tot.

"Mommy, I know my ABCs!" Bair said, when he saw her attention roaming around the waiting area. "Mommy. Mommy. Mommy!" The last was more of a cry than a request, and so his mother turned her attention back to him, hoping to ward off a temper tantrum.

"I want my blocks." Calm again, Bair smiled charmingly up at her, sticking a finger in his mouth, as his mother opened up her bag. Pushing past various toys and treats, as well as a few snacks and a juice box, she began to draw out some of his blocks. A glance at the floor, however, changed her mind. It was filthy, and they might carry some of the contamination home with them.

"Why don't you see if that little girl will share?" She asked, pointing to the young child who was playing with the blocks supplied by the doctor. After all, while it was a Pokemon veterinary building, children were often the ones with pets who needed to see the Doctor. Battle injuries were dealt with by Nurse Joy, and Pokecenters, but diseases of house pet Pokemon were the specialties of these doctors.

As though reminding her of this, their Skitty, from where it lay weakly in a carrier cage, sneezed again. The pink Pokemon was sweating from its fever.

"Hiiiiii," Bair said to the girl, as he toddled over towards her. Her mother eyed him disapprovingly, but as he wasn't screaming anymore, she didn't say anything.

"Hello," the girl said back, putting another block on her tower. 'Uduxicn' it read, to Bair's confusion. He only knew how to spell a few words- Cat, Dog, Mom, Dad, and Bair- but he was pretty sure that that wasn't a word. He did, however, recognize the letters.

"U D U X I C N," he read, then glanced over at her. "Is that your name?"

"No," the little girl said, giggling as though he'd made a great joke. Bair didn't get it. He would be offended if someone got his name wrong like that.

'Girls are weird,' he reminded himself, 'just ignore it so she lets you have some of the blocks.'

"Can I have some of the blocks?" He asked politely.

"Okie dokie," she agreed, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. Without them, she didn't have all the letters, and she couldn't build a tower that was as tall, but she didn't seem to care.

Sweeping some into a pile in front of himself, Bair grinned. The blocks were very big, almost a foot tall each. They were made of soft, hollow plastic, that bent if too much weight was pushed on it. He preferred his nice, little blocks, but he had seen this kind before. They were supposed to be more fun, and less dangerous. After all, they were big, but not hard enough to be climbed on.

Knowing her mother had helped with the tower- she couldn't reach to get it that high on her own, being too short- he decided to build one that tall, all on his own. Unfortunately, when he tried to climb on the chair to reach to add blocks, the girl's mother sternly glared at him. Recognizing that look, he guiltily climbed back down to avoid being yelled at.

"Ewww, its slimy," the girl complained, as he set his feet on the floor again.

"What's slimy?" he asked, wondering if she had found a cool bug. Girls never appreciated those sorts of things. "Don't kill it!"

"My letter is moving!" she wailed in response, shaking a block. Indeed, the letter on it- an A, he realized- was peeling off. At first, he thought she had broken it. Then, the center opened up, revealing an eye.

Startled as he was, he refused to be grossed out. "Cool!" he said, having to yell to be heard above the girl's wailing. She was clinging to her own pet, a tired looking Electrike. However, when he reached for the odd letter- it looked almost like a Pokemon- it suddenly got very cold. Ice leaked out over his hand. It didn't hurt, but it surprised him, and he screamed, falling down on his behind. Bawling, he waved his hand around, shaking ice shards everywhere.

Now that she had her Pokemon close to her, the young girl wasn't as scared. Tapping her mary janes together from where she sat, she swung her legs, and pointed a sticky finger in the general direction of the Unown. "Get it! Tackle it!" she told Electrike.

A quick glance at her mother showed the Pokemon that she wasn't even paying attention, like most of the parents in the waiting room. Hoping he wouldn't get in trouble, the Pokemon leapt off the bench quietly, then glanced around, uneasy. Finally, however, he nudged Unown with his nose, only to have it iced over like Bair's hand.

Not willing to deal with this, the Pokemon snatched up the A-shaped Pokemon in its mouth, shaking it roughly. The ice it conjured was small, and only melted into water, which dribbled out of Electrike's mouth. Finally, the dog dropped the Unown. It wasn't unconcious yet, however. Hunting instincts starting to return to the lap-pet, he used a spark attack.

That got the attention of the parents around him. The bright light, and loud crackling sound, were hard to miss. However, it was too late for them to interfere. Bair, who carried an old Pokeball in his pocket as a toy, had already tossed it at Unown. He missed the first time, as he was standing far away. Rather than being discouraged, however, he pulled his courage together, retrieved the Pokemon, and darted over to press it against Unown's side.

My hands have yet to build a village, have yet to find water in the barren desert, have yet to plant a flower, and I have yet to find the path that leads me... I have not loved enough, but the wind and the sun are still on my face.

I have yet to sow green fields, yet to raise a city, yet to plant a grapevine on each chalky hill... There is so much to build and so much to be, and my love is just beginning.

Last edited by FireflyK; 03-26-2007 at 01:33 AM.
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Old 04-06-2007, 04:24 AM
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Default Re: Now you know your ABCs... In Pokemon?

Introduction & Plot: Cute. I like the idea of small children "battling", instead of the usual 10-year-old to adult. However, there was no intro.

Detail: Minimal. But, this can't be helped much. It would've helped, however, to describe the characters more.

Grammar/Spelling & Dialogue: Perfect, as always. However, I noticed a couple of missed apostrophes (sp? ^^'), like in.."Ewww, it's slimy".

Battle & Reality: Short and sweet, but an Electrike would probably be able to beat an Unown, especially after shaking it like a chew toy. The reality is pretty good, considering that Unown would be very capable of producing ice, as seen in the 3rd Pokemon movie.

Length: Over the suggested minimum for Unown, so okay.

Overall: Very good. The idea of a Pokemon Vet is original, considering you don't see that often. I liked the small children battling, as said before. Good enough for Unown, and I know you'd try harder on harder levels.

Unown Captured.
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