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Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.

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Old 04-19-2007, 09:15 PM
Kenta147 Offline
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 40
Default Re: Hoenn Insane: The Version of R/S/E You Didn't See

*** Chapter 15: RPG = Realm of Prediction Governing ***

Dear Diary,

Hey, it's me again (what, you were expecting Amanda Huggenkiss?), and I've just noticed that we're about halfway through this diary. I'm such a persistant writer, bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha! Er, actually, I just tore out half the pages in this book since they were soaked beyond recovery. Yeah, that's right, we had a little trouble with the ship.


Anti-Sue: Umbreon, Bite!

Mary-Sue: epson flsh now u cant c

Anti-Sue: Going for the typical dodging tactic? I don't think so. Your precious God Mod won't save your arse this time! Faint Attack, Umbreon!

Kenta: *As Espeon's getting hit by the super-effective guaranteed strike move* Pipe down over there, I can't hear the T.V.!

T.V.: "Misty you stupid *bleep!*, you're always in the way!" "*Bleep!* you, Ash! I saw it first, so I'm *bleep!*ing well gonna capture it!" "Ash! Misty! If the both of you don't shut the *bleep!* up, you're going to scare it away!" "Toto-toto-toto-toto!" *Shooting the bird*

Kenta: Woah. No wonder this episode never aired. *Reads label* "Fandub." I THOUGHT this sounded different from the original Johto Totodile episode.

Mary-Sue: ketna hlp

Kenta: *Finally pulling his eyes away from the television* Huh? *Rubs eyes* She's actually BEATING you?!

Anti-Sue: Even those under God Mod have their limitations! Now, Lapras, Body Slam!

Mary-Sue: no suicun surf

Anti-Sue: Ha ha ha! That's not going to work! My Lapras has Water Absorb.

Mary-Sue: *As Suicune's getting pummeled* nooooooooooooooo ketna hlp me plz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!

Kenta: Guess I can't ignore that many exclamation marks. All right, Anti-Sue, I don't see what your grudge against Mary-Sue is, but as weird as she is, I've kinda gotten attatched to her! So if you're going to attack her for no reason like this, I'm going to step in!

Anti-Sue: You keep out of this. If anything, you should be on my side!

Kenta: You're as evil . . . well, semi-evil as the Aquas! I don't trust you. Dark, c'mon out!

Anti-Sue: . . . you would side with God Mod?

Kenta: Alright, what the hell is God Mod anyway?

Mary-Sue: dont lisin 2 her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anti-Sue: God Mod is exactly what He sounds like. In this Realm of Prediction Governing, and in every other RPG like it, He is always there to lead fallen ones astray.

Kenta . . . what?

Mary-Sue: dont lisin 2 her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anti-Sue: There are multiple universes beyond the one we live in, and very few of them actually have Poke'Mon in them. But every RPG, Realm of Prediction Governing, has one thing in common: God Mod. He invokes negative actions in all participants, pride, greed, bunnying, spotlight hogging . . .

Kenta: You're making no sense. There's no god like that out there! And what the @#$% is prediction governing?

Anti-Sue: Your actions are guided by fate. You do not decide them. Prediction governing is done by a higher being than yourself, who decides what happens to you. Not necessarily God Mod, but usually the author and his friends.

Kenta: Okay, you're completely insane. Dark, use Fury Cutter!

Anti-Sue: You're not listening to me! God Mod invokes chaos in every Realm of Prediction Governing! And Mary-Sue is His Chosen One! Haven't you ever wondered why anyone and everyone infected with The Voice knew her name??

Kenta: . . .

*End Flashback*

All of a sudden it was clear as day. Have you ever once felt this experience? You're sleeping peacefully in bed, and all of a sudden one of your parents barges in and flicks the light on so that the brightness burns your eyes. Yeah . . . it felt like that.


Kenta: Is this true, Mary-Sue?

Mary-Sue: no its not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anti-Sue: But of couse she denies it. After all, she's the Chosen One.

Kenta: I thought Ash was the Chosen One. You know, from Revelation Lugia?

Anti-Sue: God Mod doesn't just pick one. Anyone under His influence has but to say he or she is a chosen one, and all the other people in the RPG with The Voice will bow down before that person. Well . . . most of the time. It doesn't always work that way.

Kenta: So what has Mary-Sue done wrong? What's the problem with being the Chosen One?

Anti-Sue: A world cannot function in chaos! And if Mary-Sue follows through with the prophecy-

Kenta: Prophecy?! What prophecy?? Who writes those things anyway?

Anti-Sue: Kenta, you keep shattering the mystical atmosphere I'm trying to create! If you just pipe down and listen for a second, you'll understand why I have to take Mary-Sue into custody!

Kenta: Hey, I'm just stalling for time.

Anti-Sue: WHAT? *Turns to see that Lapras is fainted*

Kenta: Dark wasn't just sitting around twiddling his thumbs this whole time. Fury Cutter keeps getting stronger with every turn, and your Lapras had nothing to throw back at him.

Anti-Sue: N-no way . . . she was Durai's Poke'Mon . . .

Mary-Sue: cmon we ned 2 get ota her

Kenta: You've got a lot of explaining to do later. *Turns to run, then doubles back and grabs a small stack of illegally-dubbed Poke'Mon merchandise before taking off again*

Anti-Sue: I will not allow you to escape! I've let you slip away too many times already, Mary-Sue! Go Salamence, HYPER BEAM!

Kenta: Cool! I want a Salamence!

Mary-Sue: *As Hyper Beam is fired at them* hury up dont stp

Kenta: Aw @#$%! It's gonna hit us! I still haven't fully recovered from the last-

*End Flashback*

Believe it or not, this one didn't hurt as bad as the one from that level infinity Zigzagoon. Don't get me wrong, it blew a hole in the inside hull of the ship, but I only got nicked in the leg. For the next minute or two, I played army dodgeball on my other good leg all the way up the stairs, with that maniac Anti-Sue screaming like a retarded crow the entire time behind us. Ironically, we didn't get hit with Hyper Beam again after bursting out of the closet again. Instead, a gigantic wave of water drenched us, and we realized the ship was sinking from that hole in the hull.


Kenta: Gah! Mary-Sue, this is no time to be splashing me with a bucket!

Mary-Sue: i dint teh ships skinkin we gota go

Kenta: But what about Anti-Sue? Won't she drown down there?

Mary-Sue: no

Kenta: . . . you sure? *The wall explodes from behind, and Anti-Sue and Salamence gush out on a wave of saltwater* Okay, I'm sure too. Abandon shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip!

Anti-Sue: You're on our blacklist for this, Kenta!

Tourist: *From outside the ship* Boy, this ship's making funny noises all of a sudden. I wonder if-

Kenta: *Bursting past him and knocking him over* Outta the way, coming through, crazy girl with a Salamence after us!

Mary-Sue: go artuno fly

Kenta: We're running away? Why can't we fight? Articuno can kick Salamence's butt anyday!

Mary-Sue: we got 2 escap get on

Anti-Sue: I will not fail again! I will never let your reign come to pass! *Salamence knocks over the tourist guy again just as he's getting up*

Kenta: Crap, she's catching up! What do we do?

Mary-Sue: thro somtin at hr

Kenta: Huh? But what should I-? *Looks down at his stuff* Oh no. Not my beautiful scavenged illegal merchandise! Never! *Salamence shoots out Flamethrower from behind and singes the top of Kenta's head* All right, all right, I'll do it! *Turns around* Take that, you homicidal maniacs!

Anti-Sue: DVD discs aren't going to- *Gets hit in the nose* Ow! That hur- OW! Argh! Pull back, Salamence!

*End Flasback*

We didn't stop for anything. As soon as Anti-Sue withdrew a little, Articuno used Reflect, blocking her and Salamence from coming back at us. Then we winged it into the clouds, and didn't come back down again until we were flying over Maulville City. That fat old coot Wattson was waiting for us down there (don't ask me why,) and when I gasped out to him that we needed a place to hide temporarily, he told us we could go down to New Maulville IF we agreed to shut off the power generator down there. I said yes without thinking, and here I am, a half hour later, writing in the pages of a damp diary as we prowl the dusty corridors of this rat-hole. With any luck, Mary-Sue and I won't get attacked by another Magnemite or Voltorb. It seems that every time I start to ask her about this whole God Mod or Chosen One thing, another electric Poke'Mon comes up to me and either zaps me or explodes on my foot. So my status? Back to not asking questions. Everything's better when you don't ask questions.

I will find out more about this, whether I want to or not. I can't escape that anymore. But until then, I'll count my band-aids . . . er, blessings.
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Old 04-20-2007, 12:49 AM
Gaby's Avatar
Gaby Offline
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: In my Tumblr dashboard.
Posts: 2,992
Send a message via Skype™ to Gaby
Default Re: Hoenn Insane: The Version of R/S/E You Didn't See

Ketna, mst u kep mking us lol al teh tim? Onoes, teh voic, gt 2 me!!11!!!!1shiftlolonetwo!!!

...Yeah no it didn't XD anyways, As always, very funny what you write Kenta, very funny indeed
Want to catch up with me once I inevitably go inactive again?

Tumblr is
Skype is afrosonfire
Steam is afrosonfire
Minecraft username is afros_on_fire

Now you know. <3
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Old 04-22-2007, 03:17 PM
Kenta147 Offline
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 40
Default Re: Hoenn Insane: The Version of R/S/E You Didn't See

*** Chapter 16: Pika Casts Thundaga ***

Dear Diary,

Hey, it's me again (what, you were expecting Martha Stewart?), and I'm hurting all over again. Yeah. You see, we got into a big fight today with one of the strongest bastards ever created, and I don't mean Mewtwo either. This guy was much worse. Look, whenever you go as far underground as we did, you can full well expect to run into mega-bosses like these. Groudon, Ifrit, Anti-Sue, etc.


Mary-Sue: ths is takin 4evr

Kenta: What are you complaining about? You're not the one who's gotten thundershocked for the 1,237th time now.

Mary-Sue: wait i heer somtin

Kenta: Hey . . . me too. Sounds like a distant banging and thumping. Reminds me of the time the cat barfed a hairball in my lap, so I threw him in the drier machine and started 'er up.

Mary-Sue: ur meen

Kenta: Well, the stupid cat never puked his fur on me again, I'll say that much. Anyway . . . that's the generator, right? Once we get down there, we can shut it off and get out of here already.

Combusken: *Translation* Huh? Did it stop?

Mary-Sue: wait i cant her teh genrater enymor

Kenta: Really? Maybe it ran out of gas. In that case, let's get out of- *Distant scream* Oh my gosh! Did you hear that?! It sounded like a damsel in distress!

Mary-Sue: wat wod a womn be doig donw heer

Kenta: *Deep, heroic voice* Don't know, but it's up to me to save her! Let's go, Combusken!

*Five minutes later*

Kenta: *Huff, huff* Up . . . to me . . . to save her . . . phew! These hallways just keep on going!

Mary-Sue: *Somehow caught up* thers genrater we mad it

Kenta: Yeah, but where's the damsel?

Brendan: *Hidden in the corner, in fetal position* D-don't let it get me! Don't let it come any closer!

Kenta: Huh? Brendan! What are you doing down here??

Brendan: Kenta! Mary-Sue! Stay back, or it'll come for you too!

Mary-Sue: wat wil

Brendan: Him! He lives off the power of that crappy generator! He wasn't happy when I shut it off!

Kenta: Wait, Wattson sent you down here to shut down the generator too?

Brendan: Yeah, Wattson. If I live to see daylight again, I'm going to wring that sissy's neck for sending me down here to where that *shudder* thing is!

Kenta: WHAT thing?! And where's the woman?

*End flashback*

I probably shouldn't have yelled so loud. But suddenly, the thing appeared out of nowhere, slamming down in front of the generator on its four legs. That's when Brendan screamed, and I realized who the "damsel" was. Ugh, it's going to take me weeks to shake off that horrible thought. Anyway, the thing that had terrified Brendan so much was none other than-


Kenta: Ultima Weapon?!

Mary-Sue: omg

Brendan: Aaaaaaaaah! It's the second-most-powerful creature in all of Final Fantasy 8!

Kenta: But this is Poke'Mon! What the hell is Ultima Weapon doing here?

Weapon: Look, I don't know what's going on here either, but apparently now that you've entered my lair, you have to fight me.

Kenta: Huh? You can talk?

Weapon: Well, duh.

Kenta: How come you never talked in the games?

Weapon: There wasn't a whole lot of time for that. Everyone just started attacking me for no reason as soon as they caught sight of me. Either that, or they ran like hell. I never meant to cause mass-panic and terror. All I wanted was some ice cream!

Kenta: Oh. Well, uh . . . anyone have some ice cream?

*Mary-Sue and Brendan both shake their heads*

Weapon: Then we're just going to have to fight! Prepare for the wrath of Ultima Weapon!

*Scene gets all fuzzy, then clears up to show the background for a full minute and a half. Then finally, you see Kenta standing before Weapon with his sword out, and on his right is Combusken, while on the left is Pika, Mary-Sue's Pikachu. Three bars pop up at the bottom of the screen, filling up quickly, and Pika's is the first one to reach the full. Pika selects "Magic."*

Kenta: What in the name of Arnold Schwarzenegger am I doing??

Mary-Sue: pika us tundr

*Pika casts Thundaga! 3,453 damage*

Kenta: Huh? My bar's filled up. Let's see, I wonder how you work this thing?

*Kenta selects "Summon" and chooses "Suicune."*

Kenta: Hey! Now it's making me wait! Tsk . . . oh well, torch his arse, Combusken!

*Combusken selects "Magic" and casts Meltdown! Ultima Weapon's defense drops to 0!*

Weapon: I'll teach you to screw around with my stats! *Weapon casts "Ultima"! 6,780 damage to Combusken, 9,998 damage to Kenta, 1 damage to Pika*

Kenta: Owww . . . hey, how come Pika only gets one damage done to him?! As if I have to ask . . . oh, cool, my summon's complete! *Mary-Sue throws out Suicune, who blasts Ultima Weapon with Tsunami! 9,999 damage*

Weapon: Ow. That hurt a bit. I've only got about nine million hitpoints left.

Kenta: Dammit!

Mary-Sue: pika chrg

*Pika casts "Haste"*

Kenta: Combusken, Double Kick!

*Combusken selects "Attack" and beats Ultima Weapon across the face twice with his feet! 1,240 damage*

Weapon: Not the face! You're going to pay for that!

Brendan: Boy is he getting mad. You gotta do something, Mary-Sue!

Mary-Sue: i gota pln

Kenta: All right, I have to make this next attack count . . . huh? *Kenta selects "Attack" and sees a little arrow jutting out* I wonder what this is? *Sees "Lion Heart"*

Brendan: Yeah! Hit him with Lion Heart! That's like, twenty 9,999's!

*Kenta accidentally hits "Attack" instead of "Limit Break"! 874 damage*

Kenta: Oops.

Brendan: Kenta, you idiot!

Weapon: All right, now all of you are toast! *Weapon turns the ground into bubbling magma, which somehow misses both Brendan and Mary-Sue, and depletes Kenta and Combusken to 0 hp. They both jerk dramatically for a moment, then fall down. 1 damage to Pika.*

Mary-Sue: ok pika us zap canin on genrater

Weapon: Noooooooooo! Not only is that my source of power, but if you hit it, it'll blow up and destroy me!

Brendan: You say that like it's a bad thing.

Weapon: *Subtly* It'll destroy your little friends, too. They're fainted. You'll never drag them out in time.

Kenta: *Bouncing to his feet* Aw, hell no! I'm not gonna hang around here and go boom! Let's get the @#$% out of here!

Weapon: *As everyone hightails it out of there and the generator starts to spark and rattle violently* No way! How did you-?!

Kenta: *Over his shoulder* 'Cause this is Poke'Mon! The trainer never gets hurt! (Unless he's hit by Hyper Beams and electrical shocks all over the place . . .)

Weapon: NOOOOOOOOOO! I want ice creeaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmm!!

*Five minutes later*

Wattson: Wahahahahahahaha! You blew up the generator?! You kids weren't supposed to do that!

Brendan: How come you're laughing if you're angry?

Wattson: Wahahahahahahaha! It's a bad habit of mine! Now get outta here before I call the cops on you! Wahahahahahaha!

Kenta: Hey! If anything, we should be pissed at you! You sent us down there to where a bunch of angry Magnemite and Voltorb were stalking the hallways looking for people to electrocute. Not to mention, there was a monster at the generator ready to rip our heads off!

Wattson: Wahahahahahahaha! That's right, Ultima Weapon was the reason I was too scared to go down there myself. Now that you kids have some dirt on me as well, I won't have you arrested for destroying the generator, and we can all pretend like this never happened. Okay?

Brendan: Kenta heard me scream like a girl because of this! I'm gonna to massacre you! *Brendan selects "Magic" and casts Meteor!*

Wattson: Wahahahaha- *Sees a bunch of burning rocks flying down from the sky straight at him* Uh-oh.

Kenta: We'll be going now. Best wishes, and I hope you live through that.

Mary-Sue: by santa

*Five minutes later*

Kenta: *Face buried in the map* Okay, according to this, we're now on route 811.

Mary-Sue: ur holdin it upsidown its rowt 118

Kenta: . . . oh. Yeah. My mind's somewhere else. You see, this is the first time in this whole RPG that I've actually used my sword, only to discover that it's a piece of crap. I wish I had a better weapon.

Fisherman-Guy: Then you're in luck! For no apparent reason, I've just decided this instant that fishing sucks, and there are better things to do with my life. So here, have my Good Rod!

Kenta: Wow! Thanks dude! This is probably much more effective than a steel blade! *Casts the rod in a random direction, which turns out to be the bushes to the north* Whoopsie. Hey, I think I got something!

Steven: *As he's being pulled through the hedges* Ah, greetings again Brendan, I thought I'd- *Stops* Hey, you're not Brendan!

Kenta: Nope. My name's Kenta, and this is Mary-

Steven: Woah, hold it! Look, first of all, I'm bad with names, so you may as well not even bother. Secondly, you just stabbed a hook into the back of my neck and dragged me through a bunch of prickly brambles without even saying sorry. And thirdly, I've been hiding here for six full hours to jump out at Brendan whenever he comes along, so I can't have you blowing my cover now. So seeya, so-long, sayonara!

Kenta: *As Steven jumps back into the bushes* Even after all the things I've been through, I still marvel at how weird and creepy some people are.

*End flashback*

See, this is why I don't like side-quests. They turn out to be more of a pain than the adventure at hand. But there's some last-minute good news in all this mayhem. I'm writing this passage at the Berry Master's house, and I love this guy. He gives out free stuff. Need I say more? But it's started raining out, which is very mysterious considering how suddenly it started, so I probably won't be able to write again until we reach the next dry place, wherever that may be.

Until the next entry,
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Old 04-23-2007, 12:53 AM
ritzdijuto's Avatar
ritzdijuto Offline
Amateur Trainer
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Austin
Posts: 88
Default Re: Hoenn Insane: The Version of R/S/E You Didn't See


..Heh...*cough* I think you almost killed me with that chapter. I would say I'd sue, but you're funny, so that means you're immune. Hopefully the next chapter will be even better! ...Or at least equal to this one.
Hatch @ 18, Arbok @ 68, Lv.100 @ 303

I'm back. Again. Jeebus.

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Old 04-26-2007, 12:18 AM
Kenta147 Offline
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 40
Default Re: Hoenn Insane: The Version of R/S/E You Didn't See

*** Chapter 17: STILL Can’t Be Arsed ***

Dear Diary,

Hey, it’s me again (what, you were expecting Ronald Mcdonald?) and as usual, we’ve been diligently moving right along. Wow, this was a short introduction.


Berry Master: Say, um . . . do you plan on continuing your quest anytime soon, Kenta?

Kenta: Errrr . . . are you trying to tell me something?

Berry Master: Well not to be rude or anything, but you’ve been lounging about my place here for three days in a row now, you’ve eaten all my berries, and since you’ve arrived, this couch has become terribly unpleasant to sit on.

Mary-Sue: we gota stay undrcovor utnil antisu gos awa

Kenta: Yeah, you should have seen her go crazy like she did. And how’s it my fault for your couch being uncomfortable?

*Berry Master gets up and turns around, and Trapinch can be seen hanging off his butt with his teeth*

Kenta: Oh.

Berry Master’s Wife: You know, there’s a daycare back near Maulville City where you can just put in your Poke’Mon for a while. And when you come back to pick them up, they’ll be at a much higher level.

Kenta: Really?! Cool! I wonder how they do it?

*Scene shifts to the Poke’Mon Daycare, where the caretaker has every Poke’Mon in there tied to a chair in front of the T.V. with their eyes taped open*

Caretaker: All right, maggots, the only way you’ll ever get any stronger is by enduring the toughest torture of your freakin’ lives! So here’s today’s schedule . . . from 6:00-8:55, you’re going to watch nonstop episodes of Barney & Friends! From 9:00 to 11:55, it’s time for the badly-dubbed English version of Slayers! And after lunch comes the greatest torment of all . . . a complete marathon of Poke’Mon Mystery Dungeon, the T.V. series!

*Tormented screams and wails of various Poke’Mon resound. Scene shifts back to the present*

Kenta: I could just let someone else train my Poke’Mon?? Kickass! Why didn’t anyone tell me this sooner? *Grabs Trapinch and rushes out the door. As Kenta’s running back towards Maulville City, he passes Brendan just in time to see Steven jump out at him and yell “BOO!” Five minutes later, he’s back at the Berry Master’s house*

Mary-Sue: tht was fast

Kenta: Well, I can run fast. I would have been back sooner, but I had to get around Wattson. He was buried under a big pile of meteorites, laughing and muttering to himself. Something about “sticks and stones.”

Berry Master: Hey, how’d you get across the water without a surfing Poke’Mon?

Kenta: OY! Questioning things that don’t make sense is MY job!

Berry Master: Well you’ve been doing a pretty crappy job of it lately.

Kenta: True . . . hey, Mary-Sue, let’s get going. I didn’t see Anti-Sue anywhere, and it’s stopped raining.

Berry Master: Wait, you never answered my question-

Kenta: I SWAM, okay? Geez, what is with this unspoken pact between trainers about always having to ride a surfing Poke’Mon? Not everyone has lead bricks tied to their feet, you know!

Berry Master’s Wife: Y-yeah . . . *whistles innocently*

Kenta: . . . let’s go.

*Five minutes later*

Kenta: *Feeling a drop* @#$%! It’s raining again! . . . and now we have to go through tall grass? That’s just great. Now I can be wet and miserable, AND have gnats and grasshoppers clinging to me for hours.

Mary-Sue: wer at mimic circel peeps her try 2 copy ur movmints

Kenta: Hey, you’re right . . . there’s a guy now! Who’s he mimicking?

Mary-Sue: bot of us

Kenta: Heh, then let’s just split up and meet back again when we get out of here. I’d like to see him mimic that. (Maybe he’ll blow up.)

Mary-Sue: fin cya l8r

Kenta: Bye. Darn, that mimicking monkey didn’t explode . . . he’s just going after Mary-Sue. Oh well. Less trouble for me.

*Five minutes later*

Kenta: *As a wild Tropius hits the ground, fainted* Woo-hoo! Nice punch, Vigoroth! I wonder . . . after all these wild Poke’Mon we’ve been knocking out, shouldn’t I be feeling some kind of remorse? *Thinks for a second, then waves hand* . . . nah.

Random Girl: *Also waving hand in Kenta’s fashion.*

Kenta: Huh? Oh. Another monkey. Monkey see, monkey do, monkey make a fool of you. *Pretends to pick his nose. Random Girl pretends to pick her nose.* Hmm . . . *pokes himself in the eye. Random Girl pokes herself in the eye.* Oh, I see how it is. Well then . . . *Starts to take off his gi shirt*

Random Girl: H-hey! That’s playing dirty!

Kenta: (Meh, it was worth a shot.) *Snaps fingers*

Random Girl: You pervert! I’m going to get you for this in a battle! Let’s go Roselia!

Kenta: This’ll be easy . . .

*Five minutes later*

Mary-Sue: wat tok u so log

Kenta: *All bruised and beaten* I had a little battle with one of those mimics.

Mary-Sue: and u lsot?????????????????/

Kenta: Oh no, I won. But then she beat me up afterwards.

Mary-Sue: lol

Kenta: Aw, shuddup. Hey, is this rain getting even worse?

Mary-Sue: ya lok thers a bildig up ahed its teh wether instut

Kenta: What would a Weather Institute be doing in the middle of nowhere like this? Although I guess it does make sense, with all this random raining going on. Well, who gives a crap anyway, let's just cross this bridge and hurry up to the next city.

Team Magma Guy: Hey! You two brats had better stay away from the Weather Institute!

Mary-Sue: its teem aqwa

Kenta: No, it's Team MAGMA.

Mary-Sue: sry i got usd 2 sayig aqwa

Team Magma Guy: Team Aqua sucks! We're much cooler than them, what with our cultist hooded uniforms with the artificial horns sticking out . . . anyway, don't go near that Weather Institute.

Kenta: Um . . . we heard you the first time.

Team Magma Guy: But you're still near it!

Kenta: Well you are kinda blocking the bridge and keeping us from going past!

Team Magma Guy: I have to make sure nobody gets in from this direction.

Kenta: And it never occurred to you that someone might come up from the other side?

Team Magma Guy: It did, but you know what Maxie says . . . I just can't be arsed.

Kenta: (This guy's pissing me off. I know, just for spite, let's go into the Weather Institute even though he told us not to!)

Mary-Sue: (ya)

Team Magma Guy: (To himself) I'm just going to stand here looking the other way, because I know those kids won't dare go into there when I just told them not to, even if only to dry off. Yuk-yuk-yuk, I'm so intimidating!

*Five minutes later*

Kenta: I can't believe it took us five whole minutes to walk twenty feet from the bridge to the door of this building.

Random Kid: hay wat r u big kidz doig her teem magas taked ovr

Kenta: Hey, this kid's got The Voice! Why don't you run all of the Magmas out of here with your god-invincible Poke'Mon?

Random Kid: i dont hav no pokmn

Kenta: Ah. Crap. Well then, guess we'll have to run right into their midst like suicidal morons and get gang-mugged.

Magma #1: Oh, you don't have to worry about that. We of Team Magma believe that attacking strangers one at a time with our weak little lower-evolution Poke'Mon is much more efficient!

Kenta: *As he and Mary-Sue widen their Poke'Balls* Really? I love this policy!

*Five minutes later*

Kenta: Woo-hoo! My Vigoroth evolved into Slaking!

Mary-Sue: but hes blokig teh stares

Kenta: What? You mean we've gotta move him?!

*Five hours later*

Kenta: *Huff, huff, huff* I think . . . we finally . . . got an opening.

Mary-Sue: u coud hav just recald him in2 ur pokball

Kenta: I-! . . . okay, moving swiftly along, let's go up to the second floor already!

*Kenta and Mary-Sue run up the stairs and are greeted by the sight of about a dozen Team Magma members typing away at desktop computers, while one Magma Admin is standing in the back of the room, holding four employees hostage*

Magma Admin: Woah, woah, woah, what's this?! How did two little children manage to get past our guards on the bottom floor with their Numels, Poochyenas, and Zubats??

Kenta: (Gee, I can't imagine how . . .)

Magma Admin: Get them, team! Destroy those two kids who probably just innocently came in here by accident!

*The entire Magma force holds up their own hand-signs, which read "Busy: can't be arsed" on them.*

Kenta: Woah, busy is right! Pornography, pornography . . . MySpace, YouTube . . . more pornography . . . Facebook, BlueOctane forums . . . child pornography . . . are any of these guys even working?

Brendan: Mary-Sue! Kenta! What took you guys so long??

Kenta: Brendan?! How the hell did you end up getting tied up with the other employees?

Brendan: I don't know . . . my Poke'Mon rule! But hurry up and beat this stupid wench already, I'm all stiff and cramped from being tied to these ropes!

Magma Admin: Who're you calling stupid, stupid? I mauled up your Poke'Mon, didn't I?

Brendan: And yet you couldn't figure out why you keep making it rain out instead of having the sun shine brightly . . . did you even LOOK at that Castform you've hooked this weather system of yours up to?

Mary-Sue: wat????????/? this casfom is watr typ

Kenta: . . . you're joking, right? These people honestly couldn't figure out that because Castform is in rain mode, it would consequently rain outside?

Magma #14: *The only one who's actually been diligently working the whole time* You mean in sunny mode, Castform could make the sun shine instead?? *Sincerely* Amazing! You're a genius, kid!

Kenta: No, you're just a complete idiot. This is what people get for joining a retarded gang of criminals rather than just finishing high school. C'mon, Mary-Sue, let's wipe this Magma Admin out.

Magma Admin: Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho! You'll find that I shall not fall so easily! I've got a Mightyena, a Golbat, and a much stronger Numel than the others! Quake with fear at my unstoppable Poke'Mon!

*Five seconds later*

Mary-Sue: god job richu

Kenta: You too, Daisuke. Although really, there was zero challenge here.

Magma Admin: No way . . . i-impossible . . . how did you-?

Kenta: Just go away, please. This is embarrassing to have to listen to.

*End flashback*

Honestly, how do these teams manage to hold together? They speak and act all serious, yet they're all really just a bunch of deer-in-the-headlights looking dimwits. Anyway, the Magmas all took off in terror of Mary-Sue's overgrown rat and my genetically-modified cicada, and then we untied all of the grateful Weather Institute workers. They offered us the Castform as a reward for saving them, but I refused, since Castform isn't much of a Poke'Mon. Well, that and the fact that they needed Castform to complete whatever research they had going on. I untied Brendan last just to piss him off.


Brendan: I can't believe it took you five hours to get to the second floor just because your new Slaking was blocking the stairs and you were too dumb to recall it!

Kenta: I can't believe you lost to those braindead crack-heads who were too busy looking up porn on the Internet to even realize the water Castform was the reason it was raining!

Brendan: You're as stupid as they are!

Kenta: You're even weaker than they are!

Brendan: Ooh, that DOES it! You are goin' down! Poke'Mon battle!

Kenta: Come on, ya pansy!

*Five minutes later*

Brendan: Noooooo! My Shroomish, Numel, and Marshtomp lost to your Combusken, Gardevoir, and Slaking! I can't decipher how that could've happened!

Kenta: You've been around those Magmas too long.

Mary-Sue: ya dont u hav somtin 4 us

Brendan: Oh, yeah. Here, have this HM02 Fly, which you'll probably never use since you've already got a flying Articuno.

Kenta: Wow, thanks dude!

Brendan: Uh-huh. Well, I'm off to Fortree City to heal up my Poke'Mon and then take on Winona the Flying-type gym leader. I couldn't beat you or even the Magma Admin that lost to you, but I still have complete confidence that I'll knock the stuffing out of her! 'Later dude!

Mary-Sue: hes goin 2 los

Kenta: He can sure think positively though, I'll give him that. Anyway, let's get going before the Weather Institute causes a second Hurricane Katrina.

*End flashback*

You may think I'm writing this from Fortree City right now, but I'm actually at the edge of some stream, fishing. I found out that I couldn't use my Good Rod as a sword after all, so I'm making due with using it as it was supposed to be used instead. Fishing's as boring as hell, and- oh crap, the rod's jerking, I gotta go!

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Old 04-28-2007, 02:14 AM
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Lucarichi Offline
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Join Date: Jan 2007
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Default Re: Hoenn Insane: The Version of R/S/E You Didn't See

wow! ME LUFFLEZ!!!!!!!!! this insanity is AWESOMENESS!!!!!!!! THIS ROCKZORX!!!!!!!!!

p.s. expect a PM
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Old 04-29-2007, 03:46 PM
Kenta147 Offline
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 40
Default Re: Hoenn Insane: The Version of R/S/E You Didn't See

*** Chapter 18: The Least Funny Chapter In The Story ***

Dear Diary:

Hey, it's me again (what, you were expecting Noah Shett?), and today I found one of the few people in this world who has more experience with The Voice than I do. But wow . . . he had a whole buttload more than me! Well, here's what I mean by that . . .


Mary-Sue: how much logner r u gona kep fishig

Kenta: Until I finally hook something! This darn Good Rod . . . I'm not used to having to press the "A" button every time I get a bite!

Mary-Sue: wat???????????????????????????

Kenta: *Points to a little button on the Good Rod with the letter "A" carved into it*

Mary-Sue: wel im goin ahed teh next towns fotre city n ther r treehoses their

Kenta: *Completely oblivious, just got a bite* That's nice, seeya later- ah! I've got you now, you slippery little pipsqueak . . . oop, time to press the "A" button again. Another tug- "A" button!

*Five minutes later*

Kenta: "A" button . . . "A" button . . .

Silhouette: Must be one heck of a whopper you've got there, stranger. Keep tugging, you've almost got it.

Kenta: Ah? You're not Mary-Sue!

Silhouette: Mary-Sue? (Hmm . . .) Concentrate! After all the work you've put into it, your prize will certainly be rewarding if you hang in there a little bit longer.

Kenta: Really? *Pulls up* GOT IT!

Feebas: Ooger-krooger . . .

Kenta: Waaaaaaaaaah! It's contaminated!

Silhouette: ^_^ No, no, that's how Feebas are supposed to look. I'd advise you capture it- having a Milotic later on will serve your team extraordinarily well.

Kenta: This ugly thing? Well . . . okay. I don't want to knock it out then . . . what'll I do?

*End flashback*

All of my Poke'Mon would have wiped out that Feebas in one blow. So I ended up just hitting it on the head with the hilt of my sword. Then I caught the fish in a Poke'Ball with no trouble whatsoever. Seems to me like this was the biggest waste of a perfectly good Poke'Ball I've ever made. Oh well. I caught my cat food, and afterwards the stranger took the time to talk to me. God knows why . . . turns out he was riding a Lapras, while I was some kid pulling up an ugly fish. I had no idea what he could have wanted of me.


Kenta: Woah! Lapras!

Silhouette: Beautiful, isn't she? I see Alora is hesitant to get close to you, though. I'm sorry, usually she's warmer than this around people.

Kenta: I guess . . . how long did it take you to catch her?

Silhouette: Well . . . I wouldn't call it "catching" her, but about as long as it took you to get your Feebas. You seem more interested in my Poke'Mon than your own recently-acquired one.

Kenta: Can you blame me? I only caught it to make this fishing worthwhile. Seriously though, what am I going to do with a weak, ugly little anchovy?

Silhouette: That's a bit harsh, don't you think?

Kenta: I guess . . . but with all these godmod Poke'Mon around nowadays, I can't really afford to have less than second-evolution Poke'Mon.

Silhouette: Godmod? Where did you hear this terminology, stranger?

Kenta: It's a long story. Never mind. Oh, and my name's Kenta by the way. I'm surprised you didn't refer to the script for that.

Silhouette: Oh, I knew about that, but I was waiting for you to introduce yourself. Rather hypocritical of me though, isn't it, that I haven't done the same. My name's Bob.

Kenta: Bob?

"Bob": You were expecting something fantastic from a man who's got a Lapras? I assure you, just like with your Feebas, people can start off low and still change dramatically. One day it will be a beautiful Milotic, but you'll remember that it was a Feebas first.

Kenta: My friend Mary-Sue didn't start off an amateur. She had two legendary Poke'Mon and three other strong ones from the get-go.

"Bob": I take it she has The Voice?

Kenta: Yeah. How did you know about that?

"Bob": You're surprised? It's getting to be common knowledge nowadays. More and more frequently, cloak-wearing trainers are coming out of nowhere with third-evolution Poke'Mon by the time they've won their second badges. I'm not talking Beautifly and Dustox here. I mean creatures like Flygon and Charizard.

Kenta: Charizard don't even inhabit this region!

"Bob": Apparently they do now. However, the only people that have them are trainers with The Voice. And that's not all- like your friend, they've also got legendary Poke'Mon as part of their team. Have you ever viewed the sight of two cloaked girls pitting their Mew against each other?

Kenta: Are you BSing me??? There's only one Mew! And nobody's ever caught it!

"Bob": I don't see any gain from lying to you about something like this. I've seen incredible things, Kenta. Rayquaza versus Lugia, Palkia up against Groudon, even Jirachi versus Celebi. Do you understand where I'm coming from? This goes a lot further than ten-year-old greenhorns with Aerodactyl!

Kenta: Holy . . . holy @#$% . . .

"Bob": This would be fine and dandy if it weren't for the fact that not all trainers with The Voice are good. In fact, most of them are terribly irresponsible and attack their foes at full force without regard to their surroundings, or how badly anyone involved could be injured. And can you imagine the devastation an evil man with The Voice could create?

Kenta: Well we could always have other good people with The Voice team up-

"Bob": Pitting trainers with The Voice against each other is like trying to put out a bonfire with gasoline. Chaos is inevitable, Kenta. You're aware of the human ego, aren't you? Everyone wants glory. No matter how long it may take, eventually someone will seek to rise above the others. This was difficult enough to restrain before, when everyone was at least in the same league of power. But now we've got gym leaders- qualified, certified gym leaders- losing battles in two or three hits! Think what may happen when someone with The Voice challenges the Elite Four, and then the current Champion! As soon as the first one paves the way, the rest will follow in a swarm. Then we'll end up having only two classes of people: Poke'Mon masters with ultimate, unstoppable power, and average trainers, who may as well be slaves to them all.

Kenta: Oh no! It's just like with the United States government, where all the greedy rich bastards are getting richer, and everyone else is struggling to make ends meet!

"Bob": However, this time it isn't Bush's fault. This time it's much worse. Everything will be blown out of proportion. It will no longer matter whether you've got a Dragonite or a Rattata, or whether it's level 100 or level 2! All that matters will be whether you have The Voice or not. Battles won't be competitive. Fights between normal people will be too small to ever matter again, and fights between trainers with The Voice will be inconclusive.

Kenta: That's not true! Mary-Sue beat Ash in a Poke'Mon battle!

"Bob": Did she, really? Did Ash lose all of his Poke'Mon?

Kenta: Well . . . no, his Pikachu (the little bastard!) was still on the field, in very weak condition.

"Bob": Ash didn't lose then. All Ash would have had to do would be to give his Pikachu a fifteen-second pep talk, and it would be as good as new. If that battle hadn't been interrupted, it would've gone on forever.

Kenta: But . . . but . . . I beat a kid with The Voice once! I remember Mary-Sue telling me that, as one of the first things I heard when I woke up in the hospital! My Shedinja wiped the floor with his Zigzagoon!

"Bob": Did you actually witness the Zigzagoon fainting?

Kenta: Uh . . . no, I got knocked out before that . . . but Mary-Sue told me I beat it!

"Bob": Do you know what a coiled spring looks like, Kenta?

Kenta: Yeah.

"Bob": Picture one now, in your hand. Pretend there's a cement wall in front of you. What happens if you try to push that coiled spring in all the way?

Kenta: Well, it'd go easy at first . . . what does this have to do with the matter at hand?

"Bob": You'll see in a second. And you're right, the spring would squash into itself without much trouble in the beginning. But then as you continued to push, it would put up more and more resistance. Right?

Kenta: Yeah . . .

"Bob": You might be able to miraculously defeat a few godmod Poke'Mon thrown at you by trainers with The Voice, but as they lose more Poke'Mon, their remaining Poke'Mon suddenly gain a lot more endurance. Just when you think you might actually be able to beat them, they'll become almost invincible. I know. I've fought them. This has become my profession.

Kenta: Can you beat them, Bob?

"Bob": Theoretically, it can be done. Alora here knows Perish Song, which automatically faints any Poke'Mon affected by it if they remain on the field for three turns in a row. Direct attacks have minimal effect on godmod Poke'Mon, but indirect ones happen to be their weak point. It is a perilous feat, though.

Kenta: Woah . . .

"Bob": Well, I'd better be off. My daughter's at the Mimic Circle, and she'll be wondering where I am.

Kenta: (Could that be-?)

"Bob": I asked her not to go, since you never know what some pervy people might "force" her to mimic, but she insisted on trying it out anyway- huh?

Kenta: *Sprinting away, almost a quarter of a mile into the distance* Yeah, freaky people huh? Well, pleasure to meet you Bob, I gotta go now!

*End Flashback*

Little by little, I'm getting the idea that Anti-Sue isn't just a demented freak, but she may actually have been on to something. From how Bob put it, the presence of people with The Voice and godmod Poke'Mon really does seem like a threat, and I'm starting to wonder which side I belong with. How I wish I could just get back to being blissfully ignorant of all this . . . oh well, to Fortree City I go. Maybe a nice gym battle will distract me.

Until the next entry,
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Old 04-29-2007, 03:47 PM
Kenta147 Offline
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 40
Default Re: Hoenn Insane: The Version of R/S/E You Didn't See

*** Chapter 19: Yeahhhh . . . Real Elegant ***

Dear Diary,

Hey, it's me again (what, you were expecting the Dali Lama?), and I thought I'd be fighting Winona's gym today. Wrong-o . . . as I soon found out, there were a few complications to take care of. I found Brendan just a few yards away from the Fortree City gym, on his knees and yelling profanities to the high heavens. My first impression was that he must have somehow dropped another boulder on his foot.


Kenta: Brendan? What happened to you . . . is that black-and-blue little thing your Marshtomp?

Brendan: K-Kenta! Uh-! Go away, I'm busy cussing right now!

Kenta: Why, just because you feel like it? . . . or did Winona pound the crap out of your Poke'Mon?

*A little green gecko-thingy suddenly flashes into sight for a moment and kicks Brendan in the back of his head, making him crash face-first into the ground and form a crater the size of his head in the earth. The gecko-thingy disappears*

Kenta: What the hell-?

Brendan: mat mibble baffer! (Translation: That little bastard!)

Kenta: *Lightbulb* So you didn't lose to Winona . . . you just plain lost to this Kecleon!

Brendan: It's not what you think! He cheats! He keeps doing his little chameleon-blend invisibility trick and beating us up before we're even able to step forward.

Kenta: . . . it's a level 30 Kecleon. I can't believe one Poke'Mon is holding up your entire team.

Brendan: All right then, mister smart guy, let's see you get by him.

Kenta: With pleasure. Mokushi no jutsu! The art of sight!

Brendan: Oh right, like you really have the byakugan . . .

*Five minutes later*

Brendan: Ready to call it quits yet?

Kenta: *All battered up on the ground* Urgh . . . make him quit stabbing my butt with my own sword . . .

*Five minutes later, on the other side of Fortree City*

Mary-Sue: hi ketna n bredan

Kenta: Hey Mary-Sue . . . did you get your badge?

Mary-Sue: ya

Kenta & Brendan: WHAT?! How'd you get past that Kecleon??

Mary-Sue: i jumpd over it

Kenta: . . . you did? Crap. We tried that too, but I guess you must have caught him while he was napping.

Gabby: Ooh, fantastic! Brilliant scoop! "Kecleon-ed: Two Stupid Boys Get Clobbered By Kecleon"!

Brendan: Wha-? How long have you been following us?

Ty: Long enough. Your delightful incompetence will keep the viewers hooked for sure!

Kenta: Damn it, will you creepy stalkers just quit broadcasting our personal lives to the world already?

Gabby: Sorry, your antics put food on the table for us at night.

Kenta: Well we're not going to put up with this anymore! Right, Brendan? . . . Brendan?

Brendan: (Off in the distance) I'll be back later! I just have this strange feeling that someone will miraculously come to our aid, and he's a little further ahead! In the meantime, kick those newscasters' asses for me, will ya?

Mary-Sue: he alwys maks us do al his wokr

Kenta: Aw, that's okay. I've been looking for someone to fight for a while, anyway.

Ty: This time we'll win for sure . . . I've got a Magneton! And Gabby has an Exploud!

Mary-Sue: go artuno

Kenta: Combusken! Let's get that big-mouth! Er, the Exploud, not Gabby.

*Five minutes later*

Brendan: Hey guys, I'm back! I met Steven again, and he gave me this- huh?


*Brendan only sees a flash of fire, followed by Gabby and Ty being thrown off into the ionosphere*

Kenta: Woo-hoo! Now it's Winona's turn. We're gonna rock that gym!

Brendan: Blaziken? Are you freakin' serious? He has a Blaziken now?

Blaziken: (Translation:) Oh yeah! You are really @#$%ed now!

*Five minutes later*

Winona: *On the ground, cleaning the floor with a rag* Bad Skarmory! Very bad! What have I told you about using the newspaper? You use the newspaper when you have to do that!

Brendan: *Deep in discussion with Kenta* Yeah, and she's even stronger than Falkner! Flying-type gym leaders pride themselves in elegance, and-

*Kenta, Brendan, and Mary-Sue all stop, being greeted by the sight of Winona cleaning a rather large pile of bird droppings off the floor with a rag*

Kenta: Yeahhhh . . . real elegant.

Winona: Th-that was only a bad first impression! How'd you kids get past that Kecleon outside?

Kenta: *Shrug* We jumped over it. Except for Brendan, who stepped on it.

Brendan: Maybe it was an accident, but after all that Kecleon did, he had that coming.

Winona: (I knew I should've posted a guard Poke'Mon that wasn't a measly two feet tall . . .) All right then, since you've gotten this far, which one of you would like to lose to me first?

Brendan: I would! Uh . . . hey, wait, that wasn't fair!

Kenta: Forgive him, he's not too bright . . . I'll go first.

Brendan: Like hell you will!

Kenta: Precisely. Now that I've got Blaziken, it's going to be exactly like Hell in here.

*End flashback*

Remember how I said I thought I'd be fighting Winona today? Well, as it turns out, the complications didn't end with Kecleon. Winona and I were just taking our places on opposite sides of the battlefield when a sudden burst of debris showered down from the roof. Then through the hole came my two least favorite people in the world. No, it wasn't Barney and Pikachu, it was-


Mary-Sue: o no loros n kara

Leros: *Sliding down a dangling rope from the roof* hahahahahahahaha wer teem aqwa

Kaira: ya giv us all ur pokmon

Kenta: Ugh . . . deja vu. These little things get old so fast.

Brendan: Are you people mad?! You don't just blow up the roof of a gym and charge in like that!

Leros: we do watevr we wan brat

Kaira: u all doomd bowdown 2 r mite

Winona: Um . . . excuse me . . . *points down*

Kaira: huh *Realizes she's landed in bird droppings* u punx

Kenta: Retarded as ever, I see. Well then, let's get this thing over wi-

Winona: *Dialing her cell phone* Hello, police? This is Winona. I'm in Fortree City Gym right now, and two rogues just burst into my battlefield through the roof. They're armed and dangerous, so please bring in the SWAT Team, will you?

Leros: teh swat teem???????????????????????????????????

Kenta: I suggest you guys leave. Like, now. Those guys tend to have really big guns.

Kaira: well nevr surender go cradant

Leros: go mityena

Brendan: Double team, Kenta?

Kenta: I thought you'd never ask. Although I don't think you've got much of a chance against these Poke'Mon.

Brendan: Screw you! Let's go, Breloom!

Kaira: o no u dont go gardos

Leros: i chos tyrantar

Mary-Sue: want 2 teem up winoa

Winona: You take the Gyarados. I'll go after the Tyranitar! Let's show these punks what flying-type Poke'Mon are capable of, Skarmory!

*Five minutes later*

Winona: Un . . . unbelievable . . .

Brendan: What a surprise. I lost.

Kenta: Come on, Blaziken, give it just a little bit more . . .

Mary-Sue: nic job espon

*The gym doors bang open and the SWAT Team swarms in with their guns doing the little click-click noises*

SWAT Team #1: Don't move! You're under- huh?

SWAT Team #2: Aw gawd, don't tell me we have to go through all these friggin' rotating doors . . .

SWAT Team #3: Never mind that! Let's just kick them all down! We kick everything down anyway.

SWAT Team #4: Yee-haw! I love kicking down doors!

Bird Tamer: Challengers! All right! Let's battle!

SWAT Team #5: Stand down boy, or we'll take you into custody too.

Bird Tamer: G-gah! Y-y-yes sir! Carry on! (. . . you stupid prick.)

SWAT Team #5: (Hey, Mason, arrest that kid over there on the way out. I heard him call me a prick.)

SWAT Team #6: Yeah, and arrest that guy with the Breloom as well! He has stupid hair.

SWAT Team Boss: Never mind the minors, men. Let's just do what we came here to do!

Kenta: Yay! The SWAT Team is here! . . . and it looks like they're making even more a mess of this gym than the Aquas did.

Brendan: See, this is why nobody calls the cops in most animes. From now on, we take the law into our own hands.

Winona: All right, all right, point taken!

*Five minutes later*

Leros: u cant handcuf me im from teem aqwa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111 1

Kaira: let go u jerks

SWAT Team #2: You have the right to remain silent. Anything you do or say will be held against you. You have the . . . blah, blah, blah, blah . . .

Kenta: *Putting on a Leros mask* "And I would've gotten away with it too if it hadn't been for you rotten kids!"

Brendan: That phrase is used waaaaaaaaaaay too much.

Kenta: Well, that's kinda why I did it. That got drilled into my brain after a while. But anyway, getting back to the present . . . shall we battle now, Winona?

Winona: Are you kidding me? Look at this gym, it's a disaster area! There's broken glass everywhere, and chunks of cement are still falling from the ceiling!

Kenta: Ah, heh-heh-heh . . . yeah, we seem to be destroying a lot of gyms lately, eh?

Mary-Sue: ya

Winona: Come back tomorrow. As of now, the gym is closed for renovations. And those SWAT guys are probably going to want me to answer a thousand questions now.

Kenta: Pffft . . . fine.

*End flashback*

So tomorrow's the big day. Just when I thought Leros and Kaira were gone, they come rampaging back into the picture. Oh well . . . when you have a bad day, usually that means the next one can only be better. C'mon, it has to be, I'm going into my next match with Blaziken!

Fingers hurt from writing,
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Old 05-05-2007, 06:26 PM
Kenta147 Offline
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 40
Default Re: Hoenn Insane: The Version of R/S/E You Didn't See

*** Chapter 20: Bad Luck ***

Dear Diary,

Hey, it's me again (what, you were expecting Frosty the Snowman?), and you know what? People I've met along my journey are starting to come back and haunt me. Just one showed up early on in the day, but a bit later they all came in a wave. And as you can probably predict, these are NOT people I care to be re-acquainted with.


*Scene opens with Kenta sitting up in his bunkbed at the Poke'Mon Center. He bangs his head off the top bunk, yells out a few profanities, then gets a hold of himself.*

Kenta: Today's the big day! Uh . . . I said that yesterday, but this time I'm really sure! Let's go kick Winona's- hey, where's Brendan?

Mary-Sue: (Top bunk) i dont no

Kenta: I thought he was sleeping just outside the window . . . ever notice how NOBODY ever seems to sleep in this RPG?

Mary-Sue: slepigs borin lets fite winona

Kenta: I, uh . . . guess we're not having breakfast again. Or lunch. Or supper. No sleep, no food . . . you know what, sometimes I wonder why I'm still even alive.

*Five minutes later*

Kenta: Knock-knock! Hey Winona, I'm back! Do you have some nachos or something? I'm hungry.

Winona: Gaaaaaah! Somebody's been in the badge supply! I'm down one flying-badge-thingy . . . whatever they're named.

Kenta: It's times like these that you really gotta tsk-tsk the author for being so damn lazy as to not remember what things are called.

Mary-Sue: somon stol ur bages????????????????????????????????????????????? ??

Kenta: You've still got some left, right?

Winona: Yes, but-

Kenta: Then it's not my problem! Let's battle!

Winona: (Lousy Aquas, wrecking my gym so that any little thief can loot and pillage my stuff . . . anyone could just stroll on in now.) Fine, if you're so anxious for pain, I'll let my Pelliper start things off!

*End flashback*

What happened next caught me completely off-guard. As soon as that Pelliper had materialized out of the Poke'Ball, something big and dark flew through a hole in the wall that used to be a window and brought Pelliper down straight out of the air. I hadn't even released Gardevoir yet.


Winona: Hey! What the @#$% are you doing to my Poke'Mon?!

Britany: *Chewing on Pelliper's tail feathers* I'VE GOT YOU, PEEKO! I finally caught you! No more messing with stoves, microwaves, cooking pots or frying pans, I'm having me some bird meat now!

Pelliper: *Flapping desperately* Brawk! Brawk!

Kenta: Not again . . . Mr. Britany, will you kindly stop trying to eat my opponent?

Britany: *Mouth full* Muh? Mooh meem miff mivmph meebo?

Kenta: No! That isn't Peeko! Now spit him out this instant!

Britany: Aww . . . I'm so hungry . . . *turns and leaves*

Kenta: So am I, but you don't see me- *Thinks for a moment* Hey, wait a minute . . .

Winona: Kenta? *As an evil grin spreads over Kenta's face* Why . . . why are you looking at me like that?

Kenta: *Pulling out a fork and a knife* Oh, I just got this dreamy vision. Of stuffed pelican on the Thanksgiving table. It just makes me water at the mouth.

Mary-Sue: ketna wat r u sayig thaksgivigs ovr

Kenta: I'm saying I COULD just win this battle by beating up her Poke'Mon. Or . . . rather than beat them up, I could eat them u-

Winona: Not you too! Don't you dare eat my Pelliper!

Kenta: *Drooling, wearing a bib around his neck with a roasted Pelliper image on it* It's that or a badge, lady!

Winona: Y-you won't d-do it, I know you won't d-do it . . .

*Five minutes later, at the hospital*

Kenta: I seem to wind up here a lot these days . . .

Nurse: We've just received the gym leader's request, doctor. She wishes for you to surgically remove her Poke'Mon from this boy's stomach.

Mary-Sue: i cant beliv u reely did it

Kenta: And I can't believe that Pelliper's still alive. I thought the acid wouldn't taken care of him by now.

Doctor: Hey, who's paying for this operation?

Nurse: The gym leader said to charge the bill to the boy's credit.

Kenta: What?! @#$% that! I'll stick my finger down my throat first! Ga-aaack!

Doctor: *Repulsed* Oh-! OH!

*Five minutes later, back on the road*

Kenta: I'm hungry again . . .

Mary-Sue: At lest u got a bage

Kenta: That's only because I threatened to swallow Winona's Pelliper again if she didn't give me one. And I would've done it, too. I'll tell you one thing though, Mr. Britany's combined hunger and lack of brains really helped out a lot this time.

Mary-Sue: ya woa omg a absol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!

Kenta: Huh? Oh. Cranky-looking bugger, isn't he?

Mary-Sue: absols giv pepl bad luk who see dem wer in big trobl

Kenta: He'd give me bad luck?! What'd I ever do to him?

Mary-Sue: u jus cald him a craky lokig buger

Kenta: I did? Oh, I did. I wonder if heard me?

*A double-decker tourist bus comes along the road and the tour guide lady waves her hand in Kenta's direction.*

Tour Guide Lady: And if you look to your left, you'll see the living flesh description of the guy you all told me you hated so much . . . right over there!

Kenta: *As he notices all the people on board the bus* Uh-oh.

Random Kid: hey ur tat jerk hoo beeted up my zigzoon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Leros: wer teem aqwa

Kaira: ya giv us all ur pokmon

Wally's Guardian: You're that foul-mouthed boy from before! Just you wait, I'm going to stop this bus, come out, and bichslap you all the way back to Littleroot Town!

Old Fart: Huff-puff, hi Kenta! Let's reminisce for hours about that time we had back at my house while I finish eating this can of baked beans, huff-puff! *Brrt!*

Ultima Weapon: Ice cream . . . or death . . .

Maxie: There you are! You're that brat who shoved me off the volcano . . . how about I throw YOU into one, huh? Just you wait, I'm gonna set my goons on you as soon as I've recharged my cell phone!

Old Ladies From The Hot Spring: Hey, sweetie! *Blow kisses at Kenta*

Satan: Ten proteins, Kenta! Ten proteins!

Anti-Sue: Hello, fools.

Bus Driver: Oh crap, I think we just blew a tire . . . I'm gonna have to pull over.

*Absol smirks*


Mary-Sue: run ketna!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!

Kenta: *Pointing back at Absol as he's running* You're dead for this, you asswipe! Y' hear?! I know where you live!!

*Five minutes later*

Mary-Sue: r ne of tem stil folowig us

Kenta: *huff, huff, huff* Uh . . . *looks behind him* Just Wally's guardian now.

Wally's Guardian: Come here and take your medicine!

Kenta: Gah! Where'd he get that croquet mallet from?!

Mary-Sue: thers a bildin up ahed lets hid in ther

*End flashback*

We ran into the building and right past the staff at the far desk, who yelled back to us about something. "Money," "Safari Zone," and "shotgun" or whatever. It seems like everyone's after our skin nowadays; why? One thing's for sure though, we're making excellent progress from all this running.

Still running as I write this,
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Old 05-12-2007, 03:38 AM
Kenta147 Offline
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 40
Default Re: Hoenn Insane: The Version of R/S/E You Didn't See

*** Chapter 21: Brendan, What Are You DOING Here?! ***

Dear Diary,

Hey, it's me again (what, you were expecting I.P. Freely?), and I'm writing with my left hand again today. No, I did not get shot in the arm by the Safari faculty, but it did get its share of abuse. If somebody were ever to read you, I'd tell them to cherish their arms and not shove them into meat grinders, heavy machinery, etc . . . because it's REALLY inconvenient being a lefty. Except for you people out there who are naturally left-handed.


Feebas: Ooger-krooger! *Snatches a Poke'Block out of the Safari Zone feeder*

Kenta: Doggonit, that's the tenth time she's done that! Bad Feebas! Very bad!

Mary-Sue: ketna u shodnt be steelig frm teh fedrs theyr 4 oter traners 2 lur pokmon wit

Kenta: It's not my fault . . . ugly fish here keeps popping out of her Poke'Ball and chomping down all the blue ones, every single time we walk past.

Mary-Sue: wer gon 2 get in trobl

Kenta: Hah! "Going to"? Look, Mary-Sue, if trouble were an underground cave, by this point we'd be halfway to Hel-

Sonic: HELLO! Have you guys seen a chaos emerald around here anywhere?

Kenta: Holy crap in a pita . . . Sonic the Hedgehog! What're you doing here?

Sonic: Well, this is the Emerald Hill Zone, Act 2, right?

Kenta: Uh . . . no . . . this is the Safari Zone, Act we're-in-the-@#$%ing-HOENN-REGION!

Sonic: Is that so? I thought I might've sped through a time warp back there . . . well anyway, if you see a shiny yellow gem of sorts, it's the topaz chaos emerald. I need it to defeat Doctor Eggman, aka Doctor Robotnik, aka Doctor Fatass (I made that one up, he-he-he-he,) and save the world for the trillionth time. Man, where does the Doctor find the money to fund all his twisted little projects?? Well, I guess the same could be asked about Santa Claus . . .

Kenta: Erm, 'scuse me . . . how could a topaz gem be an emerald? Emeralds are green.

Sonic: Look, I didn't come up with the names for them, blame the damn producer for that . . .

Kenta: I feel for you, dude. Poke'Mon's got a pretty stoned producer too-

Random Kid: hey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ur tht guy whos febas keps eetin all mi pokbloks im calin the safri zon peeps on u

Kenta: Uh-oh.

Mary-Sue: we hav 2 get ot of her

Kenta: We'll never be able to run fast enough to make it out before they catch us!

Sonic: AHEM!

Kenta: . . . oh.

*End Flashback*

Sonic took hold of both our arms and shot forward so fast that I thought for sure he'd rip my arm off. But hey, you gotta remember, I'm an anime character. And if you've ever watched animes like Yu-Yu Hakusho, Ranma 1/2, Naruto, Inuyahsa, etc, you'll know that humans are the most durable things on the screen. Buildings may collapse, trees may uproot, and concrete floors might break, but the people are always somehow perfectly intact.
Now, this isn't to say I didn't get injured. That would be asking too much. I spent the next twenty minutes of my day at the Lilycove chiropractor's office, where Sonic took delight in telling me stories of all the races he'd ever been in.


Sonic: - And so then he said, "Run, run, as fast as you can, you can't catch me, I'm the gingerbread man!" Boy, that was a big mistake on his part.

Mary-Sue: i thot a fox at him

Sonic: Yeah, a fox did end up eating him. And Tails told me later on that his feet didn't taste very good.

Kenta: Well he had been running for miles, hadn't- OUCH!

Chiropractor: Okay, I think that did it. How does it feel now?

Kenta: Oh! Uh . . . much better.

Chiropractor: Great! That'll be $200, please.

Kenta: WHAT?! Hey Sonic, since you did this to me, I think you should chip in a- Sonic? *Turns to face an empty chair* Oh, is that how it is? Well, FINE! Nintendo kicks Sega's arse any day, so there!

*Five minutes later*

Kenta: Running out on me so he doesn't have to cough up a few dollars, the cheap little hedge-pig . . .

Mary-Sue: wel he did sav r livs n u hav plety of mony frm winin al tos jim batls

Kenta: Yes, but you need to remember, I'm a greedy little bastard and I've been saving up the moola for something anyway.

Mary-Sue: wat somtin

Kenta: It's here, in the Lilycove Department Store! I read about it in a magazine once. And we'll be able to buy it as soon as- *catches sight of someone and groans* -Brendan stops blocking the door . . . Brendan, what are you doing there?

Brendan: Huh? Oh, hi Kenta, Mary-Sue. I just felt like standing here for a while.

Kenta: Did it ever occur to you that someone might come out the double-doors behind you and plow you into the ground?

Brendan: Oh please, what are the odds of that? Everyone's too busy shopping at Wal-Mart. I've stood here for hours now, and nobody's come out yet.

Kenta: . . . do you have any life whatsoever?

Brendan: *Indignantly* Yes, I do! I'm a daredevil . . . unlike you, I didn't have to earn my Feather Badge. *Holds up the Feather Badge* I just stole it when Winona wasn't looking.

Mary-Sue: so ti was u!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!11111111

Kenta: Pfft. I didn't have to earn my badge either. All I had to do was eat her Pelliper and force her to make a trade-off.

Brendan: . . . you're disgusting!

Kenta: You're a sissy!

Brendan: Am not! Poke'Mon battle!

Kenta: Wait, hold on a minute.

*End flashback*

Before Brendan could protest, I rushed past him into the department store, traveled straight up to the 4th floor and purchased Slaking's unstoppable weapon, along with a couple other TMs. When we finally did get to battling, I just about blew Brendan's face off with Slaking's Hyper Beam. It sure was nice to have the beam pointed in someone else's direction for a change. When Brendan's last Poke'Mon was defeated, injury was added to insult. By that, I mean a lady with a shopping cart burst out of the doors, knocked Brendan down, then ran him over with the shopping cart. It was fully loaded, too. I'd probably have felt more sorry for the dimwit if I hadn't warned him about it already.


Kenta: Had enough, or ya thirsty for more?

Brendan: Mmp, mmm-mmr-mrgph, ma-mrorm?! ("Why am I always the one who ends up kissing the ground!?")

Kenta: Seriously, Brendan, that battle really sucked. I think you need start using other Poke'Mon than just Swellow, Breloom, Camerupt and Marshtomp. Otherwise you'll never get to the Poke'Mon league.

(*Author's note: Yes, I realize he was supposed to just have Shroomish and Numel, but come on . . . how could he have even beaten Norman with just those?)

Brendan: I could always just keep stealing badges from gyms like I've been doing, right?

Kenta: You might somehow get past Liza and Tate for the Mind Badge, but I doubt you'll ever be able to swipe the Rain Badge. That's the last key to the Poke'Mon League; it'll easily be the most guarded one. But even then, how do you ever plan on beating the League if you can't even beat me?

*End flashback*

Brendan didn't say anything, but glanced very suddenly at Mary-Sue and rushed off. I've got no idea what that's about, but I don't think it really matters now. What does matter is that I was just starting to write in this diary when a news announcement came on, discussing how the bay was blocked by some stupid jerk's pack of Wailmer. I was still watching when a trainer in the water appeared on the screen, trying to pass the wall of Wailmer on his Poke'Mon. When he couldn't push by, he captured one of them and made a temporary hole. If I'd known that there was no gym in this city, I would have taken advantage of that gap, but by the time I found out, it had been filled again by another Wailmer. I don't know what's up with all these Wailmer all of a sudden, but I'm starting to think that there might not be a way to go on any further for as long as they're there. I suppose I COULD just pound my way through, or have Mary-Sue fly us to the next city, but you know what this RPG is like . . . you can't do crap if it doesn't want you to.

Still wondering what the next move should be,
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Old 05-12-2007, 04:01 AM
Volcanflame's Avatar
Volcanflame Offline
Elite Trainer (Level 4)
Join Date: Nov 2006
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Default Re: Hoenn Insane: The Version of R/S/E You Didn't See

Kenta: Pfft. I didn't have to earn my badge either. All I had to do was eat her Pelliper and force her to make a trade-off.

Nice, Kenta! So far, I love Mary-Sue! xD

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Old 05-13-2007, 06:12 PM
Lone_Houndoom's Avatar
Lone_Houndoom Offline
Experienced Trainer
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: The trees, the wind, AND YOUR SOCKS
Posts: 118
Default Re: Hoenn Insane: The Version of R/S/E You Didn't See

Now both my lungs are shredded from laughing. Of course, the laughing got my dad over here, and the crude humor got me grounded, but whatever!
After a long thought process, I have come to this conclusion: F*** the world, I wanna get off.
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Old 05-17-2007, 03:04 AM
Kenta147 Offline
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 40
Default Re: Hoenn Insane: The Version of R/S/E You Didn't See

*** Chapter 22: Involved In Their Twisted Little Prophecy ***

Dear Diary,

Hey, it's me again (what, you were expecting the Bill Clinton?), and if you'll recall, a week or so back I met Anti-Sue for the first time. Before she completely revealed her godmod-hating extremist side, she got on to telling me something about how Mary-Sue was some "Chosen One" of all people with The Voice. Hmm, Chosen One, where have I heard that before-? Oh yeah, Ash was the Chosen One for Revelation Lugia, Homer Simpson was the Chosen One for the Stonecutter's Club, Anakin Skywalker was the Chosen One for beating up those Sith pricks, Harry Potter was the Chosen One for taking down that whacked-out nut job, Voldemort . . . just how many @#$%ing Chosen Ones ARE there anyway?! But getting back on subject, the reason I'm harping about this now is because of a little incident we had in the Lilycove Trainer's Club . . .


Mary-Sue: y r we stoppin agan

Kenta: Because we're stuck here in this stupid city and have absolutely no idea where to go now. I figured a trainer's club would be a fairly intelligent place to go, since the people there are bound to have some smarts about what to do-

Random Kid #1: *As Kenta's opening the door to the club* omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its marysu

Random Kid #2: reely????????????????????????????????????????????? ???//////////

Random Kid #3: its teh chosne on omgomgomgomg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!1

All The Other Trainer's Club Residents: ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Kenta: That does it, we're leaving.

All The Other Trainer's Club Residents: y????????????????????????????????????????????????? ??????????/

Kenta: Because right now you're all asserting a very convincing argument that humans evolved from apes. "ooooooo"? Sounded just like a bunch of constipated chimps.

Random Kid #2: but r savor is heer we r so glad wer not worty

*End flashback*

And you know what those cloak-wearing kids did? They all fell on their faces and bowed before Mary-Sue, who just stood there beside me looking all confused. Then #1 grabbed up a chair, and he and #2 lifted Mary-Sue up in it and walked her inside the club. Meanwhile, #3 suddenly vanished into the back of the room, then reappeared with rolled-up paper of some sort in his arms. At first I thought it was toilet paper (hey, when there are residents here named #1 and #2, can you really blame me for impulsively thinking that?), but it turned out to be an ancient scroll. It wasn't yellowed with age or torn up or anything, someone had just written the words "anchint scrol" on it with a crayon, but that's what I had to go by.


Kenta: Why did you guys just haul Mary-Sue in a chair for ten feet? She could've just walked it.

Random Kid #2: we mus respeckt the choen on

Random Kid #3: acordig 2 teh anchint profisy the chosens onewil leed us 2 a new rain fo godmods

Kenta: Huh? Here, lemme see that. *Rolls the ancient prophecy open, takes about five minutes to read the near-incomprehensible scribbling in it* "It will come to be, in the Year of the Pikachu, that under the protective presence of the Support, the Chosen One will rise to glory. Three giants shall bar the path: the gray, the black, and the white, but the Chosen One shall emerge victorious in the end and reverse the current reality as it is at present." . . . year of the Pikachu?!

All The Other Trainer's Club Residents: al hale teh chosed on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111

Mary-Sue: wow am i reely the chosn on

Kenta: What the hell would you be doing with me if you were? These guys are full of crap, just like Anti-Sue. Except for you having The Voice, we're really just another couple of losers collecting Poke'Mon and badges just because we feel like it.

Random Kid: #3: ur teh chosen on u hav legindary pokmon n we al no ur nam

Random Kid #1: and tat guys ur suport *points at Kenta*

Kenta: Huh? HEY! Don't get me involved in your twisted little prophecy! Look Mary-Sue, if you want to stay here with this pack of gypsy wannabes, fine, but I'm going to find someplace with a computer and print out the walkthrough to this game. Brendan was right, it's better to just cheat and look ahead.

Random Kid #2: wait dont go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Blocks the door*

Kenta: What do you think you're doing-? I don't want to play your game of "guess the fate of the world," I just wanna get my seventh badge! Now quit blocking the door.

Random Kid #2: u cant leev ur the suport 4 r chosen on u hav 2 sta wid marysu

Kenta: I wasn't always with her before, and things were still just peachy. *Gasps all around* Oh, knock it off! I'm out of here, that's final, and nothing you say is going to convince me to take you seriously.

Random Kid #3: u hav 2 go 2 mont pyr 2 get ne furtur in ur qwest

Kenta: *Stops in mid-step* . . . really? I'm not convinced . . . care to explain why?

Random Kid #3: teem aqwas ther

Kenta: Isn't that reason to AVOID going?

Mary-Sue: wait we hav 2 go ther goin 2 steel teh orbs 4 controlin kyogr n grodon

Kenta: What?! Why did you wait to tell me that, Mary-Sue?

Mary-Sue: i jus rememmemberd

Kenta: . . . you just remembered? What kind of a Chosen One forgets stuff like this? And where do you pick it up from anyway?

Anti-Sue's-Voice-In-Kenta's-Head: God Mod.

Kenta: Shut up. *Punches himself in the head* Ow!

Mary-Sue: we hav 2 hury 2 mont pyr

Kenta: Hold! Not yet . . . I want to know right here and now, who wrote that prophecy? You guys might as well tell me now, because otherwise I'm just going to ask Anti-Sue the next time I meet her anyway. She knows about it too.

All The Other Trainer's Club Residents: phertop

Kenta: "Phertop"?

Random Kid #1: shes liza n tats oldr sistre

Kenta: What pot-head names their kid "Phertop"?! Well, then again, who names their kid "Tate"?

Mary-Sue: hury keta we gottago

Kenta: Hey, at least leave the "n" in my name!

*Five minutes later*

*Still at the Trainer's Club scene*

All The Other Trainer's Club Residents: wow marysu did hur chsen on magick

*Scene shifts to the peak of Mt. Pyre, where Archie and Maxie each have a toy gun to the other's head, and the Magmas and the Aquas are slapping each other in a compilation of sissy-fights, figuring they'll do more damage to each other that way than by setting their Poke'Mon against one another. Which is probably true.*

Archie: You'll never take my orb! It's mine, you hear, MINE!

Maxie: Oh yeah? Let's see how you feel about that when I blow your head to kingdom come! *Pulls the trigger, a flag with the word "Pop!" shoots out. Archie rubs his ear*

Archie: That hurt, you orb-stealing butt-ass! Fine, feel the wrath of my- *Pulls his own trigger* . . . bubbles.

Maxie: You know what, we're not getting very far with this. If only this weren't a kiddie game, we could get our hands on some REAL lethal weapons.

Archie: Yep, bummer isn't it . . . so whadda we do now? I'd really like to get my hands on Kyogre.

Maxie: And me, Groudon. Screw the whole "land expansion" idea, I just want me a Poke'Mon that doesn't die in two hits for once.

Archie: Me too! Why're we fighting, anyway? You take the red orb, I take the blue orb, we go our separate ways! Sound good?

Maxie: Excellent, old buddy old pal! Hey everyone, quit slapping each other for a minute and listen up! From this second onward, Team Magma and Team Aqua are friends . . . let's all call ourselves Team Magqua!

Archie: I like it. Well then, with that resolved, shall we proceed to snatch those orbs from that defenseless old couple? -HEY!

Kenta: *Hiding an orb he stole behind his back* Uh-oh. They saw us.

Maxie: It's him again! Everywhere we go, it seems this little punk wants to meddle!

Archie: And that little girl that's with him . . . she just snatched the other orb, I saw her!

Kenta: (I told you this was a bad idea, Mary-Sue!)

Mary-Sue: dont wory lets run frm tem theyl nevr cach us

*Five minutes later*

*Kenta and Mary-Sue are tied together, back-to-back, perched at the top of the steps leading down the mountain*

Kenta: Mmmph, mrmughmrmurrrrgph! *Behind the gag:* I can't believe we had five whole minutes to throw our Poke'Balls and didn't do it!

Archie: Serves you right for trying to steal what we were stealing!

Maxie: Gimme those orbs! *Stows them in his backpack* Now you'll get what's been coming to you for weeks!

Archie: Oh boy! I love kicking people down the stairs!

Maxie: They're mine, Archie! That brat with the ponytail shoved me off a mountain before . . . now let's see how HE likes it! How I savor this moment!

Archie: While you're busy savoring the moment, give me those orbs.

Maxie: Huh? Why?

Archie: Hey, I should get to hold them, you're the one who gets to kick the kids down the stairs!

Maxie: Where's your sense of trust, Archie? Whatever happened to Team Magqua?

Mary-Sue: mughmrmughpmmmp!!!!!!!!!!!!1 (hers wats hapenng 2 tem magqua!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1) *Kicks Maxie in the delicate place*

Maxie: *Keeling over* ARRRGH! MY-

Archie: Balls! Get them from him, Aquas!

Random Aqua: You mean "orbs," right sir?

Archie: Yes, but the other way sounded funnier.

*End flashback*

Maxie was in fetal position by this time, so the red and blue orbs just rolled out of his backpack. The Aquas (Leros and Kaira, to be exact) pounced on them before the Magmas could make a move, and then ever-so-conveniently, an Aqua helicopter just happened to fly down overhead, dropping a rope ladder. The whole of Team Aqua all followed Mary-Sue's example on the Magmas, before climbing up the rope ladder and into the overhead helicopter. Mary-Sue and I were still tied up, but the rope ladder somehow got tangled in my ponytail and Team Aqua lifted off without noticing. Needless to say, I screamed all the way to Slateport City.



*End flashback*

When the helicopter finally landed, Mary-Sue and I got away undetected, and we hurried to find a way to foil the Aquas' scheme, whatever it was. However, we ended up actually helping them instead. Cap'n Crunch-er, Stern, who was on duty guarding Slateport's one and only submarine, agreed to untie us, and while he wasn't looking, Team Aqua hijacked it. Stern had just cut the last bit of rope binding us when he found out, and for the next whole three minutes, he chased us with his scissors . . . even though I told him running with scissors is bad. I'm writing this entry in the hospital . . . YES, I'm in the hospital AGAIN. Mary-Sue insisted that I go, although the doctors were a bit hesitant to let me in. I guess I can't blame them. I mean, how would you react if you were the doctor in this situation?


Doctor: What seems to be the problem, boy?

Kenta: Uhhh . . . my hair hurts.

*End flashback*

As punishment, they put me in the exact same room as Cap'n Stern, who did, in fact, hurt himself from running with scissors. Well, I told him not to. So far I've been writing to distract myself from the constant harping he's doing at me about how much that submarine cost, what he was going to do to me after his hand heals, what else he was going to do to me if it has to be cut off and he replaced it with a hook, etc. What a grump.

Stayin' alive,
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Old 05-18-2007, 03:40 PM
Kenta147 Offline
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 40
Default Re: Hoenn Insane: The Version of R/S/E You Didn't See

*** Chapter 23: Temporary Alliance ***

Dear Diary,

Hey, it's me again (what, you were expecting Count Chocula?), and before I go anywhere with my update, I've finally realized how important those orbs really are. Who would've guessed that they had the power to manipulate Kyogre and Groudon? Oh right, we've gotta remember, this is Poke'Mon; most of the round objects in this world have unfathomable power locked away in them. Speaking of unfathomable power, today we met up with the legendary trainer whom Anti-Sue had spoken of . . . Merlin "the Magi" Durai. Mary-Sue and I were just walking out of the hospital that morning . . .


Kenta: They must've wrapped the bandages on my head too tight. I'm seeing double.

Mary-Sue: ur not sein dobl ist antisu!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anti-Sue: So, what did you think of your prophecy, Chosen One?

Kenta: Hey, wait, how'd you know we've seen the prophecy? . . . and how'd you find us at this hospital?

Mysterious Silhouette: Surely you've considered by now, I would hope, that in knowing how much abuse you regularly take, we could naturally expect to find you here, Kenta.

Kenta: Man, that was a complicated sentence! Which means . . . is that you, Bob?

Anti-Sue: "Bob"?? This man's no "Bob", he's The Magi! *Proudly* Say hello to Merlin Durai!

Mary-Sue: helo

Kenta: Holy crap! (Hey, what's with that dramatic music ‘Kresnik’ playing in the background?)

Mary-Sue: o no uv com 2 tak me awa havnt u!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Merlin: Not quite, Mary-Sue. While it is true we don't . . . ahem . . . see eye-to-eye on everything, I ask that we push aside our differences for the time being. I am offering you a temporary alliance-

Mary-Sue: no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!111

Merlin: . . . so that we may work together to keep the balance of the world in check. As you have seen firsthand, Team Aqua has stolen the two orbs necessary for restraining Kyogre and Groudon, and in order to get them back, we must work together-

Mary-Sue: no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!1111111

Merlin: . . . so that the world as we know it doesn't collapse in upon itself and we don't all die from flooding or a massive draught-

Mary-Sue: no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!

Merlin: CAN I PLEASE FINISH?! This is very important! We've got six billion lives on the line here!

Kenta: C'mon, Mary-Sue, let's at least hear him out. If he's against the Aquas, he can’t be a total buttwipe. You were saying?

Merlin: Er, actually, I was finished. But Mary-Sue's constant repetition was getting on my nerves.

Anti-Sue: That's The Voice for ya.

Mary-Sue: i dont trus u u juts want2 tak away my pokmon n put me inthe lab

Kenta: Where are you getting that paranoid idea from? He hasn't said anything like that!

Anti-Sue: I have, though. And I stand by it. Mary-Sue's a danger to the Earth.

Merlin: -But there are more pressing matters at the present that demand our immediate attention. Come, let us fly back to Lilycove. We'll discuss terms as we go.

*End flashback*

Some way or another, we all managed to fit on Mary-Sue's Articuno, and Merlin and Anti-Sue unveiled exactly what they had planned for the Aquas. The four of us would infiltrate their base and quietly make our way around in search for the submarine they'd stolen from Slateport. Once we found it, one of us would stow away inside and wait for the Aquas to take it away. Merlin explained that Team Aqua wouldn't just select the first random guys who got into the sub, to pilot it all the way to wherever Kyogre and Groudon slept. No, first they'd get out and stretch their legs (and get all their farting done right then, so they wouldn't be stinking up that cramped little sub later,) then select a small group of mission men to get the job done. That would give us little time in-between to sneak a spy in. That was where Mary-Sue came in. For our own little plan to work, we'd need to cut down the Aqua members holding the Red and Blue orbs. Merlin had anticipated that it would be Leros and Kaira, and the only way to take down someone with The Voice was with someone else who also had The Voice. And who better for the job than the Chosen One? Anyway, we landed right outside the Aquas’ “secret” base, which turned out to be a gigantic cave in a hollowed-out mountain. I had but to look at the Aqua crest on the entrance to know where we were.


Kenta: “Welcome to the Aquas’ Super-Secret Hideout. Don’t tell anyone we’re here! Shhh!” . . . how can anyone this stupid still be so organized?

Merlin: *Whispering* Okay, it’s of utmost importance from here that we keep from being spotted. If even one Aqua sees us, he’ll no doubt raise the alarms and send the whole pack of them on us.

Anti-Sue: So what? You’re the legendary Magi. What could they hope to do to you?

Merlin: They could stall for time until the submarine is able to get away from here. We’re pressed for time enough as is-

Mary-Sue: so letsgo alredy

Kenta: (Shh, quiet!)

Aqua #1: *Running around the corner* Huff, huff, huff . . . that’s twenty laps down, fifty left to go! Man, I hate exercising. When are they going to come out with a diet that actually @#$%ing works?

Kenta: (He’s running laps?)

Anti-Sue: (Nobody ever comes into this base, what’s he supposed to do to kill time?)

Merlin: (As soon as he rounds the other corner, let’s make a run for-)

Mary-Sue: die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 *Attacks Aqua thug with Raichu, frying him on the spot* ok caost is cleer

Merlin: . . . that works too . . .

Kenta: Alrighty then . . . what’s that up ahead?

Merlin: It’s a teleport panel! Liza and Tate recently had their gym robbed, it was in the newspaper. It must’ve been the Aquas who did it, since they’re here now.

Kenta: So what do we do?

Anti-Sue: We step on it, duh. And hope to God that there isn’t someone posted on the other end waiting to take on intruders.


Kenta: *As everyone reappears on the other panel* I surrender! . . . oh. Looks like nobody’s here.

Merlin: Hold. Look, there’s an Aqua on the floor. But it looks like he’s taking a nap or something . . . wait, he’s passed out! Something’s already attacked him!

Anti-Sue: Someone beat us to the job?

Mary-Sue: wasnt me

Kenta: Obviously. Hey look, there’s two other teleport panels in this room! What now?

Merlin: Okay, we’d better split up into two teams. Mary-Sue will come with me. Anti-Sue, you go with Kenta.

Mary-Sue: hey y dont i get 2 b wit ketna

Anti-Sue: *At the same time* Why do I have to be with this weakling?

Kenta: Hey!

Merlin: Both teams need one expert at spying like this, Anti-Sue. I’m the one for my team. You’re the one for your team. Kenta, do exactly what she tells you, no questions.

Kenta: Are you freaking serious?! This is the same girl that tried to torch my ass off with her Salamence back on the S.S. Sunken!

Merlin: We don’t have time to argue! World’s at stake, remember?

Kenta: *Pouting* Fine . . .

Anti-Sue: Whatever. We’ll take this panel. Godspeed, you two. *Pauses* Get over here, Kenta! Why are you just standing there with that slack-jawed vacant expression on your face?

Kenta: I’m coming, geez!

*End flashback*

If you thought I was the one who’d find the Aqua submarine since I’m the main character, you thought wrong. However, I did manage to come across something even better: the Master Ball! There was a price to pay, though . . .


Kenta: *Burned black* Urgh . . . damn self-destructing Electrodes . . .

Anti-Sue: Oh, don’t be such a baby.

Kenta: Easy for you to say. You’re the one who used me as a human shield!

Anti-Sue: So?

Kenta: Just for that, I’m going to take this sissy-looking purple ball here and not let you have it.

Anti-Sue: Oh my god . . . that’s the Master Ball! What’s a crowned jewel of the Poke’Ball collection like that doing in a den of thieves like this?

Kenta: Well gee, I dunno . . . maybe they STOLE IT? . . . hey, what’s that annoying beeping to the tune of “Gotta Catch ‘Em All”?

Anti-Sue: Cell phone. It’s from the leader. *Flips open phone* Talk to me, Merlin.

Phone: We’ve found where they docked the sub. I’ve mapped out the base as we’ve gone along, from the first portal. I’ll send you the picture in a moment. In the meantime, get back to where we started. We need you over here right away! The Aquas are starting to board now.

Anti-Sue: Alright, we’re coming. Kenta, get over here!

Kenta: Geez, you’re bossy!

*Five minutes later*

Anti-Sue: What’s taking so long for that map to come up? Merlin said he was sending us an image!

Kenta: *Snatching away Anti-Sue’s phone* Gimme that. Let’s see, hit re-dial and . . . hey, it’s us again. Where’s that picture you said you were sending?

Phone: Oh, I’m sorry . . . here you go.

Kenta & Anti-Sue: O_O;

Phone: We’ve got your snooping buddy tied up here, amongst the rest of our Aquas. And if you’re wondering what that picture is-

Kenta: Yes, we REALIZE it’s somebody’s butt!

Phone: Bingo. To add insult to injury, Leros decided to sit on the photocopy machine and send an image of his butt to you. He also has this to say: “i frt in ur genral dereckshin”

Anti-Sue: You’re all a bunch of animals.

Phone: Well, I don’t know about us, but our pack of Mightyena will be more than happy to devour Mister . . . uh, hang on a second . . . (what’s his name? Deri? Dorie? Oh! Okay.) Mister Durai for lunch. So hurry on down here . . . heh, heh, heh . . . and prepare to disarm. After all, Miss Kaira has a message for you too: “giv us all ur pokmon”

Kenta: I hate it when she says that!

Phone: Don’t keep us waiting . . . we may decide to just lower him over our pond of Sharpedo instead. Legendary Magi indeed . . . *Click*

Kenta: Wait, who is thi-? Crap, he hung up.

Anti-Sue: Dammit! How on earth did Merlin manage to get himself tied up by a bunch of Poochyena/Carvanha-wielding numbskulls like the Aquas??

Kenta: You know, I don’t think he’s really been beaten at all . . .

Anti-Sue: Huh? Why?

Kenta: Because nobody’s mentioned anything about Mary-Sue being with him.

*End flashback*

Since I’m currently writing a journal entry, I suppose you’ve figured out that we’re okay. But I’m writing this a day after it already happened, and all of my Poke’Mon (except Dark) are still recovering from their injuries. Gotta finish up for now though, that little light that looks like a needle just went on.

Always griping about something,
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Old 05-23-2007, 04:29 PM
Kenta147 Offline
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 40
Default Re: Hoenn Insane: The Version of R/S/E You Didn't See

I hope you guys don't think I forgot about you. This story ends, one way or another.

************************************************** ***

*** Chapter 24: Nukyooler ***

Dear Diary,

Hey, it's me again (what, you were expecting Mike Rotch?), and I'll just say right now that we're STILL not to my present day as I write this. As it turns out, the author wasn't being lazy at all; merely a lot of crap happened before I got another chance to write in here. You don't know how long I've been waiting for the pages to dry out.


Aqua With Merlin's Cell Phone: Finally! What were you brats doing all this time?! I've been waiting on you for twenty minutes!

Anti-Sue: Kenta got bored and challenged me to a game of Yu-Gi-Oh cards halfway along the way. What do you care? . . . and where the heck are all of your cronies?

Aqua With Merlin's Cell Phone: THEY got bored and just decided to cram into the submarine. They said-

Kenta: "They couldn't be arsed." We know.

Aqua With Merlin's Cell Phone: Yeah . . . anyhoo, we've got Durai tied up over there, and I'm supposed to tell you to disarm, or else.

Kenta: . . . or else what?

Aqua With Merlin's Cell Phone: Or else I make fun of his glasses and call him four-eyes . . . hell, I don't know! Look, the only real reason we captured him was to get you punks over here so that we could go.

Anti-Sue: You couldn't just leave without us being here?

Aqua With Merlin's Cell Phone: Archie's orders. "Just wait there until those kids come, then challenge them to a battle, and when you lose, laugh and say you were just stalling for time. Don't let the sub leave until then."

Kenta: Why the crap would he give an order like that??

Aqua With Merlin's Cell Phone: I guess he just fancies himself as callous. Either that or it's the @#$%ing god-force at work again. You know, the one that prevents gym leaders from ever leaving their spots, or keeping Aqua Admins like me from leveling up my Poke'Mon any higher.

Kenta: Whatever! Either way, I'm bored again! Let's battle!

Anti-Sue: You're always bored . . .

Kenta: No denial here. This battle would put me to sleep anyway. How about we just try the shoving tactic again?

Aqua With Merlin's Cell Phone: Shoving tactic?

*Kenta pounces at the Admin and gives him a hard push, knocking him backwards into the water. All the Team Aqua Carvanha and Sharpedo gather around and start chomping away at his clothes*

Aqua With Merlin's Cell Phone: Oh, my bottom! Oh, my top! Greedies, don't you ever stop?


Merlin: Mmmph, mrrrgh mmpgh!

Kenta: *Ripping off the duct tape over Merlin's mouth* What?

Merlin: The submarine's getting away! And my Verizon Wireless is getting waterlogged!

Anti-Sue: Didn't we want the submarine to escape? You managed to sneak Mary-Sue on there, right?

Merlin: Almost, but-

Anti-Sue: But what??

Merlin: Some other kid with a white-haired old geezer look kicked her off and took her place. I couldn't do anything about it, or I would've blown Mary-Sue's cover.

Kenta: White-haired old geezer . . . uh-oh.

Mary-Sue: *Climbing out of the water* watd i mis

Anti-Sue: Your ride, that's what you missed! Dammit Mary-Sue, you screwed up our whole plan!

Mary-Sue: sory lets get ot of her

Kenta: Yeah, I'm getting sick of this repetitive "secret mission" background music.

*Five minutes later*

Merlin: Well, we failed to accomplish what we wanted to, but for the record- *He points to the Aquas' Secret Hideout; his Machamp blasts it to smithereens with one Dynamicpunch* - I could have done that at any time. This is payback for abusing my phone!

Mary-Sue: hey i wantd 2 do tht

Kenta: Are you quite sure this guy doesn't just have a voice actor covering for his godmod-ness?

Anti-Sue: If you've ever read the Poke'dex's description of Machamp, you'll know that for him, ultimate destruction is perfectly allowed. *Glaring at Mary-Sue* Now, getting back to business . . .

Mary-Sue: u want2 fite??????????????????????????????????????????!!!! !!!!!!!!!1

Kenta: Oh, not this again! Can't we all just get along and not kill each other? And by that, I mean not throwing attacks at each other and getting me mauled up in the crossfire.

Merlin: *Beep-beep-beep!* No time! I just got a signal from Mossdeep's Poke'Mon Center-

Mary-Sue: o no teem magmas tryig 2 steel teh spac centrs rokct shipz

Merlin: Oh come on, I'm the legendary trainer here, at least let me gasp out the dramatic bad news! . . . properly!

Kenta: I guess it's a Chosen One thing to be the glory-hog. So . . . Mossdeep? Great, I need to earn my seventh badge there anyway.

Anti-Sue: Mary-Sue's being an obnoxious twit again, Team Aqua is one step away from controlling Groudon and Kyogre, and Team Magma may well blow up Mossdeep City if rocket fuel is put in their incompetent hands. How can you think about badges at a time like this?

Kenta: *Pokes head* One-track mind.

Mary-Sue: lets go alredy go artuno

*Five minutes later*

Anti-Sue: Okay, to the Space Center! . . . huh? Why's there a limo parked in front of it?

Bodyguard: We've reached the site, Mr. President.

Dubya: *Southern accent* Those terrorists and their nukyooler weapons of mass destruction! I knew Japan would come back fer another shot at Amurrica!

Kenta: Oh lord . . . it's the biggest threat to out lives yet! George W. Bush, in Mossdeep City!

Merlin: He must think Team Magma is using the Rocket fuel to make weapons of mass destruction! But . . . how is rocket fuel nuclear?

Dubya: This city is full of terrorists! Terrorists hellbent on harming Amurrica! *Pointing at an old lady carrying groceries* You're a terrorist! *Pointing at a construction worker heading towards a port-a-potty* You're a terrorist! *Pointing at Merlin and Anti-Sue* You're both terrorists! *Pointing at Mary-Sue* Aww, what a cute little girl.

Anti-Sue: Oh, I'm a terrorist, but she's a cute little girl?!

Dubya: *Ignoring Anti-Sue* Hey, lil' missie, which do you like more, donkeys or elephants?

Mary-Sue: uh

Kenta: (Say elephant!)

Mary-Sue: elphant

Dubya: *Flying into a rage* She misspelled "elephant!" Everyone knows that there's an "a" after the "l", it's as obvious as the fact that "Dubya" starts with a "d"! Just like my grades in high school. There's only one logical explanation for this. She must be a terrorist!

Kenta: (Way to go, Mary-Sue. Now we're probably going to be sentenced to hang like Saddam!)

Anti-Sue: Do something, Merlin!

Merlin: I can't. If I defy the president, he'll have America invade Japan, too. Dammit, this is all Team Magma's fault!

Mary-Sue: hey lok its phertop

Phertop: *Appearing out of Mossdeep Gym* hi marysu ill get u out of her i gota proteckt the chosen on starmi us div

Dubya: *As Starmie appears* Chosen one? What in tarnation . . . she must be the new leader of Al Qaeda! Don't let her escape! Freedom and Amurrica forever!

Bodyguard: Um . . . she and those other two children are already gone, sir. They were underwater by the time you'd finished saying "tarnation."

Dubya: Dang it! Well, put this city on lockdown, and search every house for any weapons of mass destruction. Bring all the playboy magazines you find immediately to me, so I can personally inspect them.

Bodyguard: Should we install hidden cameras throughout their houses as well, sir? Just in case?

Dubya: Yessir-ee, especially the bedrooms and bathrooms. On the double, now! You can't take the high horse and claim the low road!

Bodyguard: Yes sir! Uh . . . should we tap their phone lines as well?

Dubya: Nah, I'm tired of listening to teenage girls whining for hours about how their boyfriends are cheating on them. Just stick with the cameras.

*Five minutes later*

Steven: *Landing on Mossdeep beach* Ah, it's so nice to be home for the weekend after a long, grueling week at the Poke'Mon League- *Catches sight of Bush commanding waves of soldiers to the Space Center and peoples' houses* What the hell-?


Kenta: Glub glub, glub glub glub! (Can't breathe . . . need air!)

Mary-Sue: cant udnerstad u ketna sory

Kenta: Glub glub glub. (Ha, shoe's on the other foot now, eh?)

Phertop: im glad ur ok chosen on

Mary-Sue: ur teh on who rote th profesy

Phertop: ya im a profit

Kenta: Glub glub glub glub . . . (That's "prophet." Hey, wait a minute. Rearraged, Phertop's name spells "prophet!" Boy, what a dumb plot twist.)

Mary-Sue: who r the gients ill be facing latr on????????????????????????????//////

Phertop: ull find ot but meenwil i hav 2 tak u 2 teh aqwas submerin

Kenta: Glub, glub glub glub, glub. (Since you're Liza and Tate's sister, can I have a badge? I deserve one just for holding my breath this long without dying!)

Mary-Sue: o ya ketna wantd a bage

Phertop: if he cn beet my pokmon ill let him hav it

Kenta: Glub glub glub glub glub! (Right time, wrong place! Tsk . . . how come people with The Voice get to talk perfectly normal underwater? Aren't they spoiled enough?)

Phertop: hers teh sub we mad it

*End flashback*

And now you know how you got all soggy. Sorry, Diary, we had to stop the Aquas somehow. Wait until you hear what happened next. It'll be the biggest shock yet! . . . but I'm too tired to write about it now.

Lazy and proud of it,
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