Heh, I'm not done with that certain politician yet . . . not nearly.
didnt you right this story on pkmn crater as well
Yes, but I thought I'd repost it here for the people who don't go there to enjoy. And perhaps spread the concept of The Voice around a bit more. Uh . . . for the record, are you just pretending to speak in The Voice right now, or do you really ignore grammar all the time-?
This is one of my favorite chapters here, and it says a lot about the Poke'Mon television show.
*** Chapter 12: Hey Ur Ash ***
Hey, it's me again (what, you were expecting Harry Armpet?), and today something really weird happened. Um, weird-ER. Than usual. It was the day of my gym battle with Norman, and I was all pumped to kick his butt, and then an unfortunate event went and screwed everything up. We'd just arrived at the gym . . .
Kenta: All right, Norman, prepare to- *Bangs into someone* owwww!
Ash: hey watr u doig wach wer ur goin
Kenta: Ohhhh . . . WHA-?!
Mary-Sue: hey ur ash
Ash: ya i am hi marysu
Kenta: *Looking back and forth from Mary-Sue to Ash* What? What? What?
Film Crew Guy: Hey, kid! You're in the way! Now we've gotta re-do this scene!
Brock, Max, May: Awwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kenta: Uh . . . wait, so you're a real person, Ash?
Kenta: . . . you're not Ash. You don't sound anything like him.
Film Crew Guy: That's because right now, his voice-actor is out, busy putting on her make-up . . . for the seventh time this hour. I swear, one of these days we're going to fire her, and then replace her with an even WORSE voice actor like the smart people we are!
Kenta: Wait, you mean to tell me Ash lip-syncs to some lady reading a script when the camera's rolling, rather than just using his own voice? . . . WHY?
Film Crew Guy: Well, uh . . . when we found out he had The Voice, we thought it might annoy the audience, so we just had him move his mouth while someone else spoke his lines, whenever we were producing the show.
Kenta: Oh my god . . . YOU'RE the moro- er- people who run Poke'Mon Company?!
Film Crew Guy: Yeah, and everything was going peachy-keen until you had to show up and slam into our star. Now we have to re-do the whole scene over again! *To the rest of the film crew* Okay everyone, take twenty! *Immediately twenty boxes of doughnuts are pulled out*
Brock: *As the film crew starts chomping away* Your name's Kenta?
Kenta: How'd you know?
Brock: *Points up* Script.
Kenta: I really need to get used to that. Anyway, yeah . . . you sound okay.
Brock: Eh, heh-heh-heh-heh . . . yeah, that phenomenon didn't affect me. But when Ash showed up in my gym and beat me in our second match using his weird god-powers, I just had to join him! It's not everyday you get a chance to be a T.V. star! They accepted me too . . . they must have liked my talent. Of being able to see where I'm going even with my eyes closed all the time.
Kenta: And you were okay with walking around with a film crew constantly buzzing around you, and Ash being a total nitwit all the time? And . . . *shudder* . . . Misty always running her mouth?
Brock: I didn't mind their arguing . . . back then, The Voice was totally new, and I just wanted to check it out. If a person could be affected by something that powerful, imagine if a Poke'Mon had the same thing . . . as a Poke'Mon breeder, naturally that interested me. I wanted to learn more. You, Kenta, you don't seem to mind following someone with The Voice around.
Kenta: Hey, Mary-Sue follows ME.
I couldn't believe it. Ash Ketchum, whom I'd always thought was just an animation character, was an actual REAL person! And he had The Voice! I guess I should've seen that one coming though, especially after all those times he beat gym leaders using completely illogical tactics. The time his Pikachu beat Blaine's Rhydon with a Thunderbolt to the horn comes to mind. Now that I think about it, it makes total sense.
Anyway, there we were, in Norman's gym, with Ash, his friends, and all those film crew people from Poke'Mon Company. I thought I smelled burning tires in the air, and the scent appeared to be coming from a guy with a strange smoking pipe of some sort in his mouth. He had the tag "producer" on his shirt, and he looked kind of dazed. I mean, he wasn't surprised or anything, just . . . spaced out. In his own little world.
Kenta: Hey, what's that guy smoking?
Max: I'm not sure what's in there, but it certainly takes its effect on him. But hey, we just do what they tell us. They're the bosses.
Kenta: So they tried to cover up Ash's having The Voice by having a bad voice actor speak for him?
May: ya thats wat we sed my voic acter is bizy rite now
Brock: I suppose they were trying to motivate their viewers by suggesting anything was possible for any normal person, if you tried hard enough.
Kenta: It doesn't count if you have a handicap.
Max: Hey, these guys PAY us. If they didn't finance our journeying, do you think we could really afford all that food, when none of us have a day job? Look, as long as we keep our dirty little secret covered up, we can keep on winning and entertaining the audience . . . and not starving.
Kenta: Don't you think it becomes a little obvious to the viewers that something's wrong, when Jasmine's Steelix loses to Ash's pipsqueak little Cyndaquil?
Brock: Yes, and that's why Ash loses every now and then . . . the producers bribe people like Gym Leader Brawly and Drake of the Elite Four to stage a victory against him. Who wouldn't accept a bribe like that? To win on television . . . and be PAID for it! Nobody would think he's really an invincible godmod. Uh, I mean, trainer.
Kenta: That's dishonest and deceitfull!
Film Crew Guy: "Dishonest and deceitful" . . . double d's. I like it! Corny, yet catchy! Let's use that for the next Team Rocket incident, which oughta be . . . hey Larry, which one are we on now?
Larry: Let's see, uh . . . Rocket Encounter #3,298,572.
Producer: Ho-ho-ho-ho! I just love those Rocket encounters! I can never get enough of it! Just like this weed! Put in more, MORE I say!
Film Crew Guy: More Rocket encounters, or more weed, sir?
Producer: Both! *Huuuuufffffffff
Kenta: So . . . if I were to tell the world about Ash's true self . . .
Brock: Who would listen to you? We've got most of the Poke'Mon fans convinced that all of Ash's battles are totally fair and square. Even the "School of Hard Knocks" Cubone battle, and we went WAY overboard on that one.
Kenta: *Getting an idea* Heh . . . hey, film crew guy, I've just thought up a new episode for you.
Film Crew Guy: So? That's no great charity. We only spend about 40 seconds of planning and thinking out our episodes anyway.
Kenta: (He's probably right . . .) But what would you guys say to having an actual GOOD episode for once?
Entire Film Crew: *Muttering amongst themselves* "A good episode, eh . . . it's been ages since we last had a good episode . . . it would sure be nice for our audience if they got an actual decent show once in a while . . . maybe we should give it a shot . . .
Kenta: Alright then! Hey, Mary-Sue!
Mary-Sue: *Who's been chatting with Ash the entire time* wat
Kenta: You've got Poke'Mon that defy the logic of this world. But Ash here has the ability to manipulate reality to turn the match in his favor. Whadda ya say? How about we stage a match between the two greatest trainers with The Voice ever to exist, right here and now?
May: but i dont batl i win pokmn constest
Kenta: I'M TALKING ABOUT MARY-SUE!
Mary-Sue: u watn 2 batl ash
Ash: ya!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 r u redy pikchu
Kenta: (Oh my god . . . there it is . . . the infamous beast that destroyed our Poke'fan reputation, standing right in front of me! For so long, I've dreamed of killing it, and I've never been so close as I am now! This could be my only chance! I've got a sword, I could probably stab the little rat and get away before anyone can react quick enough. I must do it. I must! I-)
Max: Huh? Look, Brock, Kenta's twitching for some reason. And he's got a strange look in his eye . . . a lot like the one our producer has, only more sober!
Brock: I can't deny I'm worried . . .
Kenta: (Oh no! They're on to me. But . . . maybe, with luck, Mary-Sue will be able to destroy that foul monster during the match! Yes, I'll wait. When Pikachu's gotten weak, that's when I'll do it . . . *insane giggle* he-he-he-he-he-he-! . . . that's when I'll move in for the kill . . .)
Camera Guy: Okay, film crew, get ready! We're rolling in five, four, three . . .
Brock: Woah! I'd better grab my flags to referee this match!
Ash's Voice Actor: Hey! Don't start without me! Whew . . . I made it!
Camera Guy: Okay, rolling!
Ash's Voice Actor: So, Mary-Sue, at last we can battle! I hope you realize, I'm not going to hold back!
Mary-Sue: ya me nether go espon
Ash's Voice Actor: (As Ash throws his Poke'Ball) Get 'em Corphish!
Brock: The first match! Corphish versus Espeon!
Kenta: (Thanks for stating the obvious-)
Film Crew Guy: (Shhhhhh-uddup!)
*Five minutes later*
Ash's Voice Actor: Uhhhh-ugghhhh . . . grrrrr . . .
Kenta: (Sounds like she's constipated, hehehe-)
Film Crew Guy: (Dammit, will you please
Brock: Ash is down to one Poke'Mon left! Meanwhile, Mary-Sue still has all of hers in top shape, with Espeon still out on the field!
Camera Guy: (This isn't turning out to be much of an episode, boss . . .)
Producer: (That's all right, let's just do what we always do and have Team Rocket come in now and take up like 70% of the episode's time!)
Camera Guy: (Roger that. Hey, Charlie, tell Jessie and James to get ready!)
Ash's Voice Actor: It's all up to you Pikachu! I believe in you, buddy! No matter how bad the odds get, we'll never give up until we win! Someday, I'm gonna be a Poke'Mon master, and uh . . . and do Poke'Mon master stuff! So go and make me proud!
Kenta: Go Mary-Sue! Take no prisoners! You promised Ash you wouldn't hold back, so seriously, DON'T hold back.
May: hey u shodnt cher 4 her we gota root 4 teh uderdog go ash!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111
Kenta: Pfft. This should take about five seconds.
*Five minutes later*
Kenta: Hey, I said seconds
! What's going on here?!
Brock: With Espeon, Raichu, Articuno and Suicune all knocked out, Mary-Sue's now down to HER last Poke'Mon!
Kenta: Wait, she had another one?
Pikachu: Pi . . . . ka . . . . pi . . . . *gasping for breath*
Camera Guy: (Uh-oh, this isn't looking good, man . . . Ash is about to lose, and for the first time, for real! He might have a total breakdown if that were to happen . . . where the hell are Jessie and James?!)
Film Crew Guy: (They just got here this minute. They're warming up that mechanical hand of theirs to grab Pikachu, just have him hang in there a little bit longer until they can grab him. Then the match will be declared indecisive, and we can halfass our way out of this!)
Mary-Sue: okay its my las chanc.....go pika!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!
*Kenta falls over*
Brock: And! The final match . . . Pikachu versus Pikachu!
Kenta: (What the @#$% kind of a name is "Pika" for a Pikachu?!)
Film Crew Guy: (Do I need to gag you
Mary-Sue: go pika us tunderbolt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ash's Voice Actor: You can do it Pikachu! Go, Quick Attack!
Camera Guy: (Do it! Now!)
*A mechanical hand flies in through the window of Norman's gym and snags Pikachu, then begins to pull it away*
Producer: (Idiots! They grabbed the wrong Pikachu!)
Kenta: (Actually though, to be honest they probably got the stronger one anyway.)
Mary-Sue: o no pika fite bak!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*Pika somehow roots herself to the floor and gives the hand-contraption a mighty yank, pulling the villains on the other end into the picture*
Ash's Voice Actor: It's Team-!
Leros: grr foild agan
Kaira: o wel well stil steel all ther pokmon
Ash: huh who r u
Producer: *Thrown into panic* Oh no! He spoke! Cut the film, cut the film, for @#$% sakes, CUT THE FILM!
Leros: wer teem aqwa
Kaira: ya giv us all ur pokmon
Norman: *Coming into the gym* Ah, nothing like a nice cup of coffee to- *Stops* What the hell? Ugh . . . May, I TOLD you this sort of stuff would happen if you hung around with these people . . .
When I started writing this entry, I had a full-lengthed pencil. Now I'm down to a stub, right next to the eraser. Just to be a bastard, I'm gonna end it right here and now, and continue sometime later. Heh, luckily this is only a diary, and nobody's actually reading it. Otherwise, they'd be extraordinarily pissed off right about now.
Until the next entry,