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Go Back   Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000 Ľ Interactive Boards Ľ Creative Writing

Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #1  
Old 03-02-2007, 06:58 PM
Kenta147 Offline
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 40
Default Hoenn Insane: The Version of R/S/E You Didn't See

Ever wonder what would happen if a cynical idiot joined up in a quest with an obnoxious Mary-Sue? You're about to find out. Rated PG-13 for language. Some crude humor involved. COMEDY.

Hoenn Insane
The Version of R/S/E You Didnít See

(A/N: To avoid confusion, please consider the following. First off, all the misspellings in this story are here on purpose. They have EVERYTHING to do with the plot, as does the script format of the story. Secondly, yes, this is a silly little parody meant to entertain, but it also carries a message within it that I believe you roleplayers out there will appreciate. Thirdly, you may feel a little lost right at the beginning. Relax, itís intended to be that way and will clear up quite quickly. Thank you, and enjoy! ^_^)

***

"ok this is an rpg u go arond fiting peeps n aim 2 be pokmon master of the honn regin!!!!!

ruls dont sware dont dubl post hav fun"


Hmm . . . something's gone terribly wrong. I just felt a mass-disturbance in the atmosphere . . . as though a great evil has just been unleashed from its restraints, to wreak terrible havoc upon the world as we know it. This could throw off the balance of the uni-

nam: Kenta Macauttum, last I checked.
age: Sixteen . . . wait a second, what the hell is this? Why the hell am I filling out some weird application sheet all of a sudden?!
pokmon: What's a pokmon? Oh, they must mean Poke'Mon. Wait, why do I have to reveal this? It's none of your business!

Doesn't have a- . . . -cause the god has awa- . . . osing connec-

***

. . . this doesn't make sense. I'm trying to have an adventure here. Is some buttwipe trying to twist reality on me? Hey! Whoever you are, quit it!

Quit it . . . quit it . . . . . . . quit it . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

************************************************** *******
Prologue . . .
************************************************** *******

Dear Diary;

Hey, nice to finally be talking to you, if you could call this talking. My nameís Kenta Macauttum, and Iím a PokeíMon trainer. I just bought you at Walmart for six bucks. Why Walmart? Well, Walmartís taking over the world, just like George Dubya Bush and his cronies, so thereís really nowhere else to shop nowadays. But thatís not the point- Iíve decided to keep a trainerís journal so that I could have something to talk to. I already have a companion, but thatís precisely WHY I need someone to talk to; because thereís no way in Hell Iím gonna be able to keep my sanity speaking to this girl. Her nameís Mary-Sue, and she just started following me the other day, for no apparent reason.

*Flashback*

Kenta: Hey, look Combusken . . . thereís some girl following us for no apparent reason.

*End flashback*

Woah, Iím going too fast! Let's just start with the formal introductions. Iím a beginner trainer whoís just started off in the Hoenn region, and so far Iíve already gotten my first badge. Iím writing here in Rustboro City, PokeíMon Center to be precise, and I guess I should add that Iíve got a team of four PokeíMon so far. Combuskenís my starter, followed up by Ralts, Slakoth and Nincada. As for me personally, Iím a martial arts trainee. Iím sixteen years old, and Iíve already gotten my black belt in karate, along with my own sword (er, not too clear on why I have that, though.) Heh, not bad huh? Some of my friends call me an egotistical maniac, but who doesn't like talking about himself-? Well whatever, point is, Iím not like those other helpless little kid trainers, like that Brendan nut who likes the Ďwhite-haired old geezerí look, and May what's-her-name, who seems to have two bent antennas poking out of her little bandana. They couldnít defend themselves for crap. But speaking of which, and getting back to the story, thatís when I first met Mary-Sue . . . in Rustboro, a helpless-looking little eight-year-old girl.

*Flashback*

Mary-Sue: hi im marysu

Kenta: Uh . . . hi.

Mary-Sue: hey can I join u

Kenta: What?

Mary-Sue: ur a pokmon traner can I com with u

Kenta: Whatís with the bad grammar? And no, Iím going it alone.

Mary-Sue: oh cmon I wont get in the way I proms

Kenta: Um . . . youíre five-foot nothing, and you have no PokeíMon.

Mary-Sue: ya I do I hav a richu a sucune a espeon and a artcuno

Kenta: Right, sure you do . . . look, your parents are probably worried about you, and they might think Iím a child-crazy pervert if they see me talking to you like this, so maybe it would be a good idea for you to go home now.

Mary-Sue: I was abandoned as a schild I got rased by celebi and now im a pokmn traner

Kenta: Youíre not even old enough to be a trainer . . .

Mary-Sue: whatever im going wit u ill help u in any battles agenst the badguys

Kenta: What badguys?

*End Flashback*

I did eventually let Mary-Sue join me, but that was only because she had the Rustboro gym badge (she probably stole it) and a Raichu, like she said. But I asked that we call it a night first, since it was evening out at the time (itís night now, even though the sky isnít any darker than it would be in the day.) Anyway, now would be a good time to finish up the writing, since I'm tired, but Iíll input more tomorrow evening. Until then,

-Kenta

************************************************** ******************************

*** Chapter 1: Giv Us Al Ur Pokmon ***

Dear Diary,

Hey, itís me again (what, you were expecting Larry the Cable Guy?), and Iím writing tonight in the PokeíMon Center of Dewford Island. You know . . . that place with all the weird trend-slaves. Yeah, thatís right, everyone here is nuts. But wait, Iím getting ahead of myself again. Letís go back to where I left off yesterday; Rustboro City. Mary-Sue and I were just doubling back through the Petalburg Forest . . .

*Flashback*

Kenta: Eww! I think I stepped in dog doo!

Mary-Sue: dats totaly dicusting

Combusken: Brawk-hak-hak-hak!

Kenta: Laugh it up, chicken boy . . .

*End Flashback*

Anyway, we did a little training through the forest and pretty much slaughtered every PokeíMon in the forest. Ah, heh-heh,
(^_^; ) we kinda left a trail of PokeíMon behind us.

*Flashback*

Kenta: Good job, Nincada! I think youíve practiced enough for one day . . .

*Scene shifts to a bunch of fainted Slakoth, Silcoon and Cascoon, Wurmple, and other Nincada, strewn all over the ground*

Mary-Sue: hey look theres the exet *Points to a light in between the trees showing the way out, and sure enough, thereís an exit sign nailed to one of the trees for no apparent reason*

Kenta: Freakiní awesome! I was getting kinda hot and sweaty in that forest, and Iím pretty sure a Wurmple crawled up my pant leg back there . . . either that or he was crawling down, which frankly, I donít even wanna think about.

Mary-Sue: lets ask mr briteny for a rid 2 th iland

Kenta: God, itís hard to understand what the hell youíre saying! And how do you know thereís a guy named Mr. Britany that lives in that hut?

Mary-Sue: i dont no lets ask him

Kenta: Hmm . . . *Finds a sign glued to the door* ďSorry, my Wingull ran away from home again, so Iíll be back whenever.Ē . . . it ran?

Mary-Sue: *Running inside* mr briteny?????? were r u we ned a rid

Kenta: Were you listening to a word I just said? *Goes inside* Hey, we shouldnít be breaking into this guyís . . . er . . . ramshackled little piece of crap hut without permission . . .

Mary-Sue: hey lok wat i found in the kichen *Holds up a cookbook*

Kenta: ďHappy Chefís Guide: Twenty Ways to Cook a Sea BirdĒ . . . no wonder the Wingull made a break for it. Well, NOW how are we gonna get to Dewford Island?

Mystery Voice 1: hahahaha lets grab that wingul

Mystery Voice 2: hahaahaha ok

Kenta: Hey, uh . . . Mary-Sue, whatís with the cheesy evil laughter?

Mary-Sue: its not me i heer somthing outsid

Kenta: Wait, you mean there are MORE people with bad grammar in their speeches? *Looks further up the dialogue script* Oh. The Mystery Voice people. I canít believe I didnít see their names. *Reads script again* Wait, theyíre here to take this guyís Wingull? Donít those morons know how to READ? And since when has a Wingull been worth jack as a PokeíMon anyway?

*The door flies off its hinges and smashes down onto the ground, revealing two people in Team Aqua uniforms. Cue astonished gasp sound effect.*

Mary-Sue: geez u dint hav 2 bang it open so hrd

Kenta: Actually, I think he only pushed it open gently, and the sissy hinges just broke like graham crackers . . . either that, or he was too stupid to turn the doorknob.

Aqua 2: shut up brat im leros

Aqua 1: and im kaira and were teem aqwa

Kenta: Uh-HUH . . . I thought Halloween had come a little too early this year.

Leros: shut up brat and-

Kenta: You just said that! Iím BORED already!

Kaira: give us al ur pokmon

Kenta: Okay, here you are . . . sike! *Flings PokeíBall* Youíre up, Slakoth! Combusken, you go kick their asses too!

Leros: hahahahaha ur pokmon r week go mityena

Kaira go crawdant

Kenta: A Mightyena and Crawdaunt-? . . . oh, sh-

*End Flashback*

So I was screwed. Despite how dumb these Aquas were, they actually had pretty good PokeíMon. Well . . . better than mine, anyway. Due to some random knowledge that I got from some unknown source, I've decided Crawdaunt and Mightyena suck, but they didn't suck right then. And I was just getting really beaten on when Mary-Sue did something that made me lose all confidence as a man. If you don't mind, I'm now gonna flash back for the third time in less than two minutes.

*Flashback*

Leros: mityena us crunch

Kaira: crawdant vicegrip

Kenta: Alright, even though you guys are hopelessly slower and will never get an attack out . . . Combusken, Double Kick, Slakoth . . . oh dammit, don't do that Traunt thing on me now!

Slakoth: Slaaaaaa . . .

Mary-Sue: ill save u kenta go sucun us surf

Suicune: CUUUUUUUNE! *Surf*

Leros/Kaira: aaaaaaaaaaaa we giv up ull pay 4 this next tim

Mary-Sue: whew that was clos u ok kenta

Kenta: . . . .

Mary-Sue: wat

Kenta: Is that Suicune?!

Mary-Sue: ya

Kenta: Where the @#$% did you get a SUICUNE??!!

Mary-Sue: i told u i had it now lets go 2 iland

Kenta: Wait! Woah, woah, woah! I've put up with a lot of your weirdness already; your underage possession of Poke'Mon, your odd bad-grammar dialect, and your story about being raised by Celebi, but this crosses the line! We're not taking another step until you tell me-

Mary-Sue: *Already riding her Suicune on the water* u commin

Kenta: *Blinks* H-hey, don't leave without me!

*End Flashback*

So with one Surf attack, Mary-Sue's Suicune (can those words even be used together in a sentence like that?) took out the Aquas, with their own element. I still don't get why they were stalking around old man Britany's hut in the first place, or where the water for Surf came, or why it knocked out both the Aquas' Poke'Mon (especially their Crawdaunt) but didn't even injure them. But you know what? If I thought the world was smoking pot by then, I had yet to see just how bad it was on Dewford Island. Despite the fact that it should've taken us four or five hours to get from the Petalburg beach shore to Dewford, we made it there in a little over a minute. And that's including the random Poke'Mon battles we had along the way.

*Flashback*

*Scene shifts to a whole line of Tentacool passed out in the water, looking like bobbers floating on the waves*

Kenta: Alright Ralts, nice work. Take a breather.

Mary-Sue: lok were here

Kenta: Are you serious?? Man . . . that was fast. Hey, I never noticed it before, but you can see your reflection in the water. Heh, where have I been all my life?

Mary-Sue: ya u can c urself

Kenta: I never thought about it, but I have a giant head . . . I'm like a powerpuff girl, only not as bug-eyed. Heh, sometimes I wonder how they support all that weight.

Mary-Sue: same way u do lets go fite braly

Kenta: Wait, how did you know the gym leader here was named Brawly?

Mary-Sue: hurry up

Kenta: . . . why do I even bother?

Random guy: Hi! I like what's hip, happening, and trendy! Listen, have you heard about these new Spoink Muffins? Of course you have!

Kenta: Um, hello. Odd way to break the ice.

Random guy: I mean come on, Spoink Muffins . . . it's the hottest thing in cool! No matter where you go, Spoink Muffins is the-

Kenta: EXCUSE ME! Are you high or something? You're going on about . . . about some 'Spoink Muffins' . . . and I don't even know who the hell you are!

Random guy: My name's Random Guy! Aren't you paying attention to the script?

Kenta: I'm not sure I can trust the script anymore . . . I've already seen three people in it with the worst grammar in the history of language arts. And what idiot names their kid 'Random Guy'?

Random Guy: Hey, if I had a name, the makers of this game would have given me one.

Kenta: Game? What game? Are you @#$%ing insane??

Random Guy: Spoink muffins, spoink muffins, spoink muffins, spoink muffins!!

Mary-Sue: lol hes crazy

Kenta: (Note to self . . . avoid eye contact with every civilian in this town . . . and maybe the gym leader, too.)

*End Flashback*

Okay, well anyway, the day ended right after we checked in to the local Poke'Mon Center, even though I didn't get to have any meals and we were supposed to still have a good thirteen hours of sunlight left. I've decided not to question it, because it's kind of pointless. But I'm calling it a night, and by tomorrow, my Poke'Mon should be healed enough to take on Brawly at the gym. Badge 2, here I come! . . . if I don't get eaten by a wild Krabby or some random event like that.

-Kenta
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  #2  
Old 03-02-2007, 06:59 PM
Kenta147 Offline
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 40
Default Re: Hoenn Insane: The Version of R/S/E You Didn't See

*** Chapter 2: Rather Awkward ***

Dear Diary,

Hey, it's me again (what, you were expecting Cookie Monster?), and I'm writing this entry late in the afternoon, with a towel wrapped around me. See, I sort of fell in the water when a huge blinding light burned my eyes, and . . . aw hell with it, I'll just show you what happened.

*Flashback*

Kenta: I just noticed, there's no bathroom in this Poke'Mon Center.

Nurse Joy: Well, nobody ever has to go, so it seemed pointless.

Mary-Sue: thats tru redy 2 go now

Kenta: Are you in some sort of hurry?

*Five minutes later, at Brawly's Gym . . .*

Kenta: Dude, what's with these lights? Alright, someone needs to call the electrician, because this gym's darker than a pig's butt after sitting in the mud all night.

Mysterious Voice: y not justsay 'blak cat in a col mine'?????

Kenta: Because it's not funny enough, Mary-Sue.

Mary-Sue: i dint say anytin

Kenta: You mean there's ANOTHER one? How many people with bad-grammar dialect are there??

Mysterious Voice: im a randem guy but sinc u cant c me im mysteryus voice

Kenta: I guess everyone of little or no importance is automatically entitled "random guy." This can't be Brawly. Still, I have an actual name, so I may as well gloat! Ahem . . . HAH, sucks to be you guys! *Sticks tongue out*

Mysterious Voice: w/e the lite bulbs r broken and th repare peeps rnt commin

Kenta: Where are they? Getting tipsy off of Spoink Muffins?

Mysterious Voice: yes as a mater of fact they r

Kenta: So how are we supposed to find Brawly in this gym? Do we just fumble around in the dark until someone grabs hold of his head?

Mary-Sue: no u ned hm flash n teech it to ur pokmon

Mystery Voice: ya wat marysu sed

Kenta: How'd you know her name was Mary-Sue?

Mystery Voice: i dont no go get flash

Kenta: . . . I'm gonna start keeping a tally for every weird or stupid thing that I encounter. Whatever poor bastard scores the tenth one is going to get a boot kicked straight up his-

*Five minutes later*

Kenta: Yeah . . . I entered Dewford Tunnel with the expectation that the Poke'Mon here would be slightly tougher than average. You know. Due to the hard rock surroundings and all. But I must say, I'm kind of disappointed.

*Scene shifts to a bunch of Zubat and Makuhita, strewn out all over the cave floor*

Kenta: Ah, well . . . return Ralts, good show! Man, you're so gonna evolve, and then you're gonna kick EVERYONE'S asses!

Mary-Sue: lok thers the hiker who givs out flash hms

Kenta: He's in that direction? Oh, alright, let me just climb over this boulder that's in the way.

Boulder: Ah-hem . . . I'M THE HIKER!

Kenta: Oh! Oh. Well. This is rather awkward.

Hiker: Well get your right foot off my chest and your left hand out of my mouth, and maybe it will be a little less awkward. I mean, it'll still be a traumatizing experience that will haunt both of us for the rest of our lives, but you get what I'm saying.

Mary-Sue: so can we have hm5

Hiker: Sure! I love giving out free stuff that I'll never be remembered for! Maybe that's why I'm so poor. Here you go!

Kenta: Wow, thanks dude! Let me shake your hand, so as to subtly wipe your spit off my fingers!

*Five minutes later*

Kenta: Alright, I know what it means to flash someone, but I'm unfamiliar with how the move itself works . . .

Mary-Sue: just us flash wid a pokmon ill us it on espon

Kenta: Wait, you pull out the cd and you jam it into the Poke'Mon's head?

Mary-Sue: bingo *Thrusts HM05 into Espeon's ear*

Kenta: GAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!

Espeon: Esp? *Flash*

Kenta: Argh! The light! It burns! . . . hopefully, Brawly will react the same way, and I'll be able to win the gym match while his eyes are all screwed up. Now, where was I walking?

Mary-Sue: kenta the gims not that wa ur gointo fal into the wa-

Kenta: *Sploooooosh!*

*End Flashback*

So anyway, I fell into the sea after being dazzled by the intense shock of light emitted from Espeon's little Hindu forehead jewel. I remember emerging with a Magikarp halfway down my throat, and everything else is kind of a blur up to now. Whatever, screw the past, I'm about to face Brawly for my second badge. Badge 2, here I come! Wait, I said that last time, didn't I? You know what, don't trust anything I say anymore; I hardly do myself.

-Kenta
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  #3  
Old 03-02-2007, 06:59 PM
Kenta147 Offline
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 40
Default Re: Hoenn Insane: The Version of R/S/E You Didn't See

*** Chapter 3: ďThe VoiceĒ ***

Dear Diary,

Hey, it's me again (what, you were expecting Seymour Teats?), and I've decided today that Mary-Sue is an alien. Or an ubermensch. Whatever the hell she is, this isn't your typical little ankle-biter in third grade. Ohhhhh no, she's a lot worse than that. I guess this is stating the obvious, considering she has a @#$%ing SUICUNE in her artillery, but let's just go over the rest of the day's events.

*Flashback (Brawly's Gym)*

Kenta: I've just thought of something.

Mary-Sue: wat

Kenta: I don't think the lights ever worked to begin with. The keepers of this gym are just a bunch of cheapass tightwads who live like college kids. This place isn't very sanitary at all.

Brawly: What makes you say that?

Kenta: *CRUNCH* . . . well, to start with, whatever I just stepped on was very large, and is still wriggling under my shoe.

Mary-Sue: hey ur braly

Brawly: Actually, my name's Brawly. It shouldn't be that hard to mistake for something else, considering probably nobody else on earth is named the same.

Mary-Sue: wat abot bradly

Brawly: I feel for whatever poor sucker has to live with a name like that. You know, little girl, you sound JUST like one of my underlings.

Kenta: YES! I'm not crazy!

Brawly: Hey, love to chat about that, but I've got a battle to lose.

Kenta: Huh? Why do you think you're going to lose?

Brawly: Well, no matter how much I train my Poke'Mon, they just don't seem to level up. It's as though some evil, outside god-force is preventing me from ever getting any better.

Kenta: Aw, that's too bad, sorry to hear about that. (Sweet!! I'm gonna pulverize this bum all the way back to his mother's house!)

*End flashback*

So the battle began, and I valiently used whatever Poke'Mon was closest to Brawly's level, careful not to take advantage of his predicament in any way.

*Flashback*

Kenta: ALRIGHT KIRLIA, WRING THAT MACHOP'S BRAIN LIKE A SPONGE! PSYCHIC ATTACK, FULL POWER!!

*End flashback*

Oh, and Ralts had evolved.

*Flashback*

Brawly: Oh no! My fighting-type Poke'Mon! My manliness is in shambles . . .

Kenta: Haaaaa-ha! You got beaten by a ballerina!

Brawly: That hurts, man. Maybe I'll just "accidentally" swallow your badge-

Kenta: NO! No! I'm sorry! You're a strong trainer, now gimme my badge, dammit!

Brawly: Here you are. By the way, now that you've beaten the crap out of me, I thought we could discuss The Voice.

Kenta: "The Voice"?

Mary-Sue: wats teh voic

Brawly: It's . . . well, it's kind of what you just did. Failing to capitalize the first letter in your sentence, misspelling a majority of your words, and not using any grammar at all.

Kenta: Wait, if we're standing here in a three-person circle just chatting with each other, how can there be any grammar involved?

Mary-Sue: well how did u no ther was a skript ketna

Kenta: For once, you've made a valid point.

Brawly: Anyway, just like with your little sister here, I've had a lot of Random Guys in town suddenly start speaking in The Voice, and I must say, it's both odd and it's pissing me off.

Kenta: (Sister?) Yep, it has the power to do that. Every time I see it, I just feel myself twitch, and I wanna rip somebody's eye sockets out.

Brawly: True, but the WORST part-

Mary-Sue: hey braly i batl u now

*Five minutes later*

Brawly: . . . is that they've got insane Poke'Mon skills from nowhere.

*Scene switches to Brawly's Hariyama lying on the floor, with swirls in his eyes and a puddle of drool forming around his head*

Kenta: (0_0) That was the quickest battle I've ever seen. One Thundershock from her Raichu just about killed him. Mary-Sue, where'd you get to be so good at this?

Mary-Sue: i traned hrd

Kenta: I've never seen you train even once . . . I trained hard! All those Poke'Mon back in Rustboro Woods must STILL be unconscious!

*Scene shifts to Rustboro Forest, where a guy in a janitor outfit is sweeping fainted bug Poke'Mon off the path with a broom*

Brawly: The point is, it's annoying to have these guys around, because they always win fights!! And when they face against each other, they always argue about who really beat who, even when both of their Poke'Mon are already out cold on the ground! You wouldn't believe some of the stuff they say- "My Poke'Mon dodged the attack." "No it didn't, attack hit anyway!" "Well your Poke'Mon got hit by my Poke'Mon's attack!" "But your Poke'Mon is already dead!" "No, your Poke'Mon is deader!"

Kenta: "Deader"?

Brawly: Well, actually, they pronounced it "dedr." See, I can't speak in The Voice.

Mary-Sue: lets go ketna

Kenta: Stop mispronouncing my name! And you haven't even gotten your badge yet!

Mary-Sue: o ya

Brawly: They're all like that . . . deemed legendary, yet dumb as rocks. They can win extreme battles with Beautifly, but somehow they don't know how to spell "to."

Kenta: Oh, so that's why they always substitute it with "2"!

Brawly: Exactly. Anyway, the same god-force that controls my Poke'Mon's frozen growth forbids me from leaving the gym, even to attend my best friend's wedding, so do me a favor, will you?

Kenta: Sure, as long as it's no more strenuous than chewing a cookie, I'll be happy to help you with whatever you want.

Brawly: In that case . . . this may seem too tough for you, but could you keep an eye out for me on the number of other people who've been affected by The Voice? Common symptoms of those taken by it . . . include overly-powerful Poke'Mon in their possession (which are usually also either very rare or very popular,) bad grammar and punctuation, a history of being raised without parents, an I.Q. supposedly above 130, but actually below 70, possession of a cloak or a cape, the need to save other people, and other people suddenly needing saved right about then, manipulation of reality, important people who are assoc-

Kenta: All right, all right, take a breath before you pass out!

Brawly: I'm just barely scratching the surface. But anyway, give me a call if you see more of that.

Kenta: Will do. (Screw that! I haven't touched my phone for sixteen years, and I'm sure as hell not breaking that streak today! Same goes for the mailbox!)

*Five minutes later*

Kenta: Ever notice how fast five-minute intervals go by whenever we're going from one place of significance to the next?

Mary-Sue: not reely lok thers mr briteny

Kenta: What, so your name really is Britany?? HAH-hahahaha! Thatís a girlís name!

Britany: You donít look much of a man yourself, sonny! At least I shave.

Kenta: Not for the last thirty years, by the looks of it. And Iím counting your nose hair for that, too.

Britany: Whippersnapper . . . *Cracks back*

Kenta: Anyway, where the hell were you back when we needed you? Don't tell me you were getting a rush off of Spoink Muffins, too!

Britany: Well, I was planning on having those for dessert after cooking my Wi- I mean, roast chicken dinner. But first I had to rescue it from Team Magma. Er, that is to say, my Wingull, Peeko.

Kenta: . . . ďPeekoĒ?

Britany: Yeah, I decided on her name after she peed on my Treecko.

Mary-Sue: dat maks sens

Kenta: For once, it actually does. In a very disturbing way.

Britany: Anyway, you kids want a ride on my boat? Now that I have Peeko back, I was just headed to Slateport City to buy some spice from their market. Or maybe some buffalo sauce; that always goes good with wings.

Kenta: You're a bad, bad owner . . . I call shotgun!

*End flashback*

Even now as I write this, we're on Mr. Britany's boat, bound east for Slateport beach. It's sort of hard to get down a proper entry in this journal, because I have to keep grabbing the steering wheel. What for, you ask? That idiot sailor keeps running back to Peeko's cage to try and feed her a little more. You know. To fatten her up for the . . . winter. I'd better just say that, since Mary-Sue might sneak a peek in here. Anyway, I'd better wrap up, he's looking over his shoulder at the cage ag-
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  #4  
Old 03-03-2007, 11:08 PM
Kenta147 Offline
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 40
Default Re: Hoenn Insane: The Version of R/S/E You Didn't See

*** Chapter 4: Ten Proteins For Your Soul ***

Dear Diary,

Hey, it's me again (what, you were expecting Ozzie Osborne?), and I'm keeping busy looking out for all those "The Voice" kids. They're pretty easy to recognize if you look for them, because like Brawly said, they all wear cloaks or really unusual clothing. Oh, by the way, this entry is a confirmation that we did not, in fact, wreck and drown. I mean, we almost did, but in sand, not water. If you don't understand what I mean, I'll explain; Mr. Britany once again let go of the wheel to fatten up his dinner, and I had to take it. But by that point in time, we were headed straight for the beach, and despite my warnings/screams of terror, Britany wasn't listening. So after nearly crushing two little kids in inner tubes, we crashed up onto the beach, and I went flying straight out of the boat and into the sand. I spent the next ten minutes trying to pull myself out of the sand hole I'd gotten stuck halfway down, and during that time, a little kid started smacking me on the butt with his plastic shovel. You know how Winnie-the-Pooh once got stuck in Rabbit's door-hole after eating too much honey? It felt like that, minus the brat with the sand shovel.

*Flashback*

Kenta: *Pop!* GAH! Finally! Now where'd that little punk go?! I'm gonna strangle him!

Mary-Sue: lol ketna u got stuk

Kenta: Thank you, Captain Obvious. How come you didn't get pummelled into the ground?

Mary-Sue: i jumpd off b 4 we crashd

Kenta: Aw, no! There's no way you could have done that so easily without getting so much as a-! . . . urgh, never mind. Where's that senile old geezer that almost got us killed?

Britany: *Chasing Peeko* Nooooooo! Peeko! Come back!

Peeko: *Hopping along across the sand, too fat to fly* Gull, wingull!

Mary-Sue: her cag brok lol

Kenta: How come you always say "lol" rather than just laughing? No, don't answer that. Let's just get going.

Beach kid 1: hey marysu ill batl u

Beach kid 2: no i want2 battl marysu

Beach kid 3: no marysu battl me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kenta: Hey! How come you all want to fight Mary-Sue all of a sudden? . . . and not me?

Beach kid 4: marysu fite my azuril

Kenta: And how come you all know her name? Wait, what am I saying? I know why. It's The Voice.

*Five minutes later*

Beach kid 373: no marysu ill fite u

Beach kid 374: hey batl me first marysu

Kenta: This is insane. I gotta contact Brawly about this right away! . . . right after I get some doughnuts. Hey, Mary-Sue, whichever-numbered beach kid you've disappeared under, I'll meet you later at the Poke'Mon Center! C'mon, Combusken, let's see what's at the market today.

*Five minutes later*

Kenta: Fifteen dollars for a hot dog?! Are you people out of your @#$%ing minds?? No wonder you never get any business!

Energy Guru: Hey kid, come back, I'm selling Protein for $9,800 each!

Kenta: Highway robbery! Get bent, all of you! I suppose next you'll want me to sell you my soul!

Satan: *Suddenly appearing* I'll give you ten Proteins for your soul.

Kenta: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! *Dashes off*

*Five minutes later, at the Poke'Mon Center*

Kenta: And then this scary-looking dude with two horns and a pitchfork popped out of nowhere right in front of me, and he told me he'd give me ten Proteins if I sold him my soul, and then-

Nurse Joy: *Sweatdrop* It was probably just Farmer Ben, hauling his Moomoo Milk into the market.

Kenta: I don't think so, this guy had fire coming out of his butt . . .

Nurse Joy: Alright, it was DEFINITELY Farmer Ben. He always stops by the local Mexican food stand along the road before coming here.

Kenta: Lady, I don't think you understa-

Two Familiar Voices: hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kenta: Uh-oh. I'd know that cheesy evil laugh anywhere. They only had to do it once, and it's become firmly lodged in my brain for life.

Leros: *Kicking the door to the Poke'Mon Center open* all rit peeps this is teem aqwa

Kaira: ya giv us all ur pokmon

Kenta: *Skeptical stare* Okay, I'm putting my foot down, right here, right now. *To the Aquas* YOU IDIOTS!

Kaira: hey lok its tht brat agan

Kenta: Um . . . you're calling me a brat? I'm taller than you. I think you need to work on your actions before you do them. *Points to crowd of Poke'Mon trainers* Take them for example. You just barged in to a Poke'Mon Center with about twenty trainers here who could gang up on you and kick your asses before you could say "wat".

Leros: o ya

Kenta: Yeah! *Turns around* Hey, everyone, give me a hand here, willya?

*Entire crowd of trainers backs away apprehensively*

Leros & Kaira: hahahahahahahahahaha theyr al 2 skared!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Kenta: H-hey! *Shakes fist* Cowards! Some "great masters" YOU are! Darn it, looks like this is up to me now . . . hey, where are Combusken and Kirlia? Dammit . . . they'd better have one hell of a good excuse for not being here right now when I need them!

*Scene shifts to Combusken and Kirlia eating in the back room of the Poke'Mon Center. Combusken's gobbling his food like a pig while Kirlia's daintily eating with ten chews per bite. Eventually, she looks at Combusken in polite disdain, and slaps his paw as he reaches for another big handful*

Kenta: I have to go with Slakoth and Nincada? Aw gawd, I'm so screwed . . . alright guys, let's try not to lose!

Nincada: *Scratches at eye*

Slakoth: Burrr-rrrrrrp!

Kenta: *Slumping defeatedly* Kill me now.

Leros: hahahahahahaha go mityena

Kaira: crawdant get em

Mary-Sue: go artcuno

Leros: o no its marysu!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kenta: H-hey! Where did you come from?

Mary-Sue: u ned help artuno ice beem!!!!!!!!!

Articuno: Cuuuuuuu! *Ice Beam*

Satan: *From further away* Man, I'm depressed . . . *Gets stricken by Ice Beam*

Leros & Kaira: noooooooo we lost ull pay next tim *Fly off into the distance*

Mary-Sue: ya we did it

Kenta: Um . . . that's Articuno, isn't it . . .

Mary-Sue: ya

Kenta: Know what? I'm just going to save us some time, recall my weak little Poke'Mon, and go cry myself to sleep now.

Mary-Sue: lok ur pokmon evovled

Kenta: . . . what? HOLY- !!!!

*End Flashback*

Even though my Poke'Mon didn't do a thing in battle, according to the god-control of our world, they gained experience anyway. Enough to evolve, apparently. Actually, I still don't think they were ready . . . but hey, I'm not going to complain about suddenly having a Vigoroth, a Ninjask, and a Shedinja all in one swoop. Mary-Sue apparently wanted to make me feel good, so all weirdness aside, I guess she can be a nice girl. Annoying as hell to be around at times, but still nice. Anyway, my team's about as powerful as it can get at this point in time, so despite all my misfortune, at the end of the day I'm still better off. Hey, I count my blessings . . . my neck's not broken from the ship wreck, my soul's intact and not in the possession of Beezlebub, and Team Aqua doesn't have my hard-earned team of four- er- five. So I'm going to finish up my writing and go to bed now, here at the Poke'Mon Center, and try to ignore all the light that never stops seeping in through the window. I hate there being no night in this world. Poke'Mon G/S/C was way better.

. . . sheesh, what kind of crack am I smoking?

-Kenta
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  #5  
Old 03-07-2007, 09:01 PM
Kenta147 Offline
 
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Posts: 40
Default Re: Hoenn Insane: The Version of R/S/E You Didn't See

*** Chapter 5: Canít Be Arsed ***

Dear Diary,

Hey, itís me again (what, you were expecting Batman?) and today I found someone I actually know. You remember how I was telling you about that guy who likes the ďwhite-haired old geezerĒ look? His nameís Brendan. Anyway, I ran into him today, and like pretty much everyone else I know . . . that kid is nucking futs.

*Flashback*

Kenta: Urgh . . . aw man, I just had the most awful dream. It was about another evil team out there that was even stupider than Team Rocket and Team Aqua combined. Thank goodness it was only a-

Nurse Joy: *Over the speakers* Attention, all trainers of the PokeíMon Center! Please stay away from the Slateport museum for a while. Thereís a bunch of thugs lined up out there who are attempting to get in for free. Theyíre trying to pass themselves off as werewolves or something so that maybe the person at the front desk will get scared and run away. I donít know. Point is, just be good little kiddies and keep your butts seated until the cops come along and this tiny mess is sorted out.

Kenta: Well. It could just be a coincidence. Hey, whereís Mary-Sue?

Nurse Joy: *Barging into Kentaís rented room without knocking* Isnít it obvious? Now that Iíve just made the announcement that you shouldnít go to the museum, of course Mary-Sueís going to be there. Get with the program, boy!

Kenta: *Still in his boxers* Do you typically do this?

Nurse Joy: Just go to the museum that I told everyone to avoid.

Kenta: But you told me to avoid it.

Nurse Joy: Yes, but people with The Voice are easily influenced by reverse psychology. The more dire the consequences of their actions, and the more the reason not to do it, the more eager they are to get themselves abducted, mugged, killed, etc. See, unlike normal people, some way or another theyíll always come out of it okay.

Kenta: But I am a normal person. Standing here in my underpants. And you still havenít even so much as shut the door.

*Five minutes later*

Kenta: This sucks. You know, Combusken, every day I lose more and more of my sanity. But the worst part is, everyone else is losing it faster. Know what Iím saying?

Combusken: *British accent* Of course I do, old chappie. *Takes a swig of tea*

Kenta: Hah-?

Combusken: Bus! Ken!

Kenta: Damnright . . . okay, weíre here. Looks like the guy at the fare desk is bound and gagged pretty good. Hehe, we donít have to pay the fifty-cent fee to get in here! I mean, itís not like I would anyway . . . if I want to look at artifacts, Iíll just go home and start digging into the back of the freezer.

Mary-Sue: hi ketna

Kenta: You know, when you first started following me, you didnít have that problem. Care explaining to me why weíre in here with all these hooded freaks who could mass-pummel us at any given moment?

Mary-Sue: ther teem magma and tey want2 stel stuff

Kenta: Now, these guys may look a little demented, but itís not fair to judge a book by its-

Mysterious voice: *From upstairs* Weíre Team Magma and weíre here to steal stuff!

Mary-Sue: c i told u cmon

Kenta: *Following Mary-Sue up the steps* Iím not even going to question this. I just want to say that if it were me, I wouldnít steal from a museum thatís got absolutely nothing to take. Oh no, Iíd rob McDonaldís. And not for their money, either. I can picture it now . . . ďFORK OVER ALL THE MCNUGGETS, BI*CHES!Ē

*End flashback*

You know, looking back, Iím having second thoughts about it. Robbing McDonaldís, I mean. Iím okay with holding the employees at gunpoint and all, rather than just paying five dollars for a twenty-piece Chicken Mcnuggets meal, itís just . . . I might offend Combusken. Oh, sorry, where was I? Ah, right, we were running up to the second floor of that museum with a whopping TWO rooms. And thatís where I found Brendan. Two Magmas were fighting him, and he was kicking their asses to kingdom come with his Marshtomp. You know, they might have won if theyíd taken him on together, but hey, you have to remember . . . these guys are stupid.

*Flashback*

Magma 1: Urgh . . . beaten . . .

Magma 2: Hmph, worthless fool . . . let me handle this!

Brendan: You want some more? Fine with me. Bring out your Zubat, or Poochyena, or whatever other stuffed animal youíve got with you.

Kenta: I like this guy already.

Magma 2: Iíll show you! Iíll kick your butt with my all-powerful NUMEL!

*Gasps of horror from all around*

Brendan: Ooh, pitting a Fire-type against a Water-type. You sure know your stuff.

Mary-Sue: wats he mean water typs r beter then fir

Kenta: *Sigh* YES, Mary-Sue, but Brendanís using a little something we normal people like to refer to as sarcasm. As dangerous as it is to use in this world anymore, itís still good for craps and giggles now and again.

Magma 2: Ugh . . . this kidís tough . . .

Kenta: No heís not. Youíre just a crappy trainer.

Magma 2: Gee, that makes me feel LOADS better.

Kenta: Always glad to be of help.

Maxie: *Appearing at the steps* What the @#$% is TAKING so long? I come all the way up here, and you two simpletons are being held up by a mere child?

Brendan: These Devon Goods are for Captain Stern! You canít have Ďem!

Kenta: And for the record, there are three ďmere childsĒ here!

Brendan: (Thatís ďmere children,Ē retard.)

Kenta: (Tsk . . . and here I thought you were cool.)

Maxie: AHEM . . . can we please get the attention back to me?

Mary-Sue: o no its maxy

Maxie: (Well, I suppose beggars canít be choosers . . .) Yes, I am Maxie of Team Magma. And for reasons I canít remember at the moment, I want those Devon Goods that the boy with the Ďwhite-haired old geezerí style is holding.

Kenta: I love being right!

Brendan: Aw, címon, I just had two battles and Iím tired already! Canít you ease off just a little?

Maxie: Werrrllllll . . . I COULD just kick your asses now and snake the goods from you, but I just canít be arsed to do it right now. So yíknow what, just stay out of our way until youíre strong enough to beat the crap out of my PokeíMon. Donít worry, I wonít challenge you to a battle until Iím sure Iíll lose.

Kenta: Wow . . . I donít know whether to be grateful or disappointed.

Brendan: Who cares? Bottom line is, heís not going to beat us up.

Kenta: Pfft, itís not like he could, while Mary-Sue is with us.

Maxie: True, true . . . well, Iíll just be gathering up my thugs now and going on my merry way, okey-doke?

Kenta: Alright, seeya dude. Iím so glad we had this little chat . . .

*Five minutes later*

Kenta: Well, that was perfectly pointless! Whatíd we GAIN out of that?

Mary-Sue: we no dat teem magma is also tring 2 rul the wrld

Brendan: Thatís not what they told me. But whatever, Iím just gonna go head off to Maulville City now and aim to get my third badge. Kenta, you never introduced yourself or anything, and this may sound totally random . . .

Kenta: Dude, itís cool. Iím used to it by now.

Brendan: Oh good, that saves a lot of explanation. Anyway, your PokeíMon . . . they could use a little more training.

Kenta: Uh . . . I donít think thereís a PokeíMon alive that my team hasnít killed on sight yet.

Mary-Sue: wat abot leros and kara

Kenta: They have The Voice! Thatís why theyíve got crazy-powerful PokeíMon this early on in the adventure. I canít be blamed for losing to them!

Brendan: Oh, The Voice? I was wondering about that girl with you. Yeah, Brawly told me about The Voice too, and Iíve been careful to only fight people who donít have it.

Kenta: Itís terrible how youíll still manage to run into idiots anyway.

Brendan: Yeah, youíre living proof of that. Before you can decipher what that comment means, I just want to tell you quickly . . . buy some Harbor Mail.

Kenta: Huh? Why?

Brendan: Iíve got a walkthrough here; I printed it off the Internet. I know, itís cheating, but otherwise nobodyíd ever be able to capture the Regis.

Kenta: Amen to that.

Brendan: Yeah . . . anyway, it says we should buy Harbor Mail here, because in the next city some lady will trade us some coin cases for it.

Kenta: How come weíd need coin cases?

Brendan: Geez! So we can gamble underage, of course! Where have you been?

Kenta: But wonít the security guys throw us out of any casino we go to?

Brendan: You know how earlier, Maxie was saying ďI just canít be arsedĒ? Get used to hearing that a lot. Thatís how things work in this world.

Kenta: Heh, thanks. Oh, werenít you saying you had to go about three minutes ago?

Brendan: Oh yeah, about that . . . I forgot, I need to battle you. I probably should have done that first before telling you yíneed to raise your PokeíMon better.

Kenta: But what if youíre the one who ends up losing?

Brendan: Boy, that would suck, wouldnít it?

*Five minutes later*

Mary-Sue: mrshtmp is unabl 2 batl winer is vigeroth

Brendan: Did you understand a word she just said?

Kenta: I got ďis.Ē But I think sheís once again stating aloud the obvious. If youíll notice, my Vigoroth just beat down your last PokeíMon.

Brendan: Oh. So it did. Man, I really need to get my rear in gear. Oh well, Wattsonís so easy to beat that it shouldnít matter anyway. Okay, here, have this Itemfinder. I donít have any money on me, so thisíll have to do.

Kenta: But then, shouldnít you keep it? I mean, seeing as to how youíre poor and all?

Brendan: Well, the thing is, I found it. So itís pointless to have one myself, since Iíve got a knack for spotting things already.

Kenta: You ďfoundĒ it, eh? (That sneaky little bastard, he definitely stole it.)

Brendan: Well, Iím off, for real this time. If I stay much longer, Mary-Sueís going to completely get kicked out of the script, and we canít have that, can we?

Mary-Sue: no dont leev me out

*End flashback*

And so, there was Brendanís little contribution for the day. If youíre wondering where all the stuff is that I left out, like introductions and whatnot, just consider the *five minutes later* excuse to be the time which we exchange useless knowledge like our names. Come on, weíve got a script, we can see who each other is. Well, Iím writing this entry as Iím walking to Maulville City, and Combuskenís leaving a trail of destruction behind us as weíre going. I should probably feel guilty about this, but . . . I donít. Yeah. Okay, until next entry,

-Kenta

Last edited by Kenta147; 03-07-2007 at 11:53 PM.
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  #6  
Old 03-18-2007, 10:59 PM
Kenta147 Offline
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 40
Default Re: Hoenn Insane: The Version of R/S/E You Didn't See

Sorry 'bout the wait. I couldn't log on for a while . . . stupid password difficulties.

************************************************** ************************

*** Chapter 6: Oh My God! They Killed Wally! ***

Dear Diary,

Hey, itís me again (what, you were expecting Oliver Clothesoff?), and weíve finally made it to Maulville City. I know so, because that bicycle guy Rhydel gives out free bikes here, and heís notorious for it. Well, that and the fact that we passed some southern hick (thanks for the idea SBM) while walking down the road, who was fishing with his feet. He greeted us with a friendly, over-enthusiastic ďWel-a-come ter Mawlville Ciddy, ya-awl!Ē

*Flashback*

Kenta: Urge to kill . . . rising . . .

Mary-Sue: wll here we r lets find ridl

Rhydel: No need, Iím right here! I couldnít help but notice you kids have some dirty shoes . . . I take it youíve been walking a long distance?

Kenta: Actually, we rode a boat about half the way . . . and my shoes arenít dirty! What is with people judging others by their shoes nowadays??

Rhydel: Your shoes arenít dirty, eh? Have you looked at them recently?

Kenta: Well . . . I did step in dog doo about three days ago. *Checks shoes* Holy chihuahua crap, itís STILL there?!

Mary-Sue: ya

Rhydel: I'm shocked the stench hasn't melted your soles by now . . . here, what you need is one of my bikes.

Kenta: *Observing mach bike* Let's see here . . . "RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL" . . . yep, I'm pretty sure this is your bike, all right.

Mary-Sue: wat abot ths one *Gets on acro bike*

Rhydel: Also mine! Look at all those decals on it.

Kenta: Cool . . . well, thanks for the bikes, Mr.-

Rhydel: *Demonic voice* Where do you think you're going with that, boy? *Suddenly holding a twin-barrel shotgun up to Kenta's face*

Kenta: Uhhh . . . you mean these aren't free?

Rhydel: No, a white-haired guy who came through here earlier got the last one before I decided to quit being generous.

Kenta: Damn that Brendan!

Rhydel: However, I am holding a contest right now . . . if you can guess the number of decals on my bikes, you get it for free! But if you guess wrong . . . *Pokes Kenta in the gut with the shotgun*

Kenta: Uh- . . . huhuhuh . . . (I'm gonna die.)

Rhydel: *Suddenly cheerful again* Then you get a wonderful consolation prize- a wad of taffy! So, care to try your luck?

Kenta: Just as soon as you get that gun out of my face.

Mary-Sue: ill go the nbmer of dcals on ur biks r-

*End flashback*

I forget what Mary-Sue's answer was, because I was a little preoccupied with staring down the twin dark barrels of death before me. But that doesn't matter- the end result was still the one we wanted.

*Flashback (five minutes later . . .)*

Kenta: Alright Mary-Sue, hop on, we're getting out of this town right now.

Mary-Sue: but we jst got heer

Kenta: I know, don't care, I'm putting this mach bike to full use right here and now. We're leaving, and nobody's getting in our-

Mary-Sue: ketna wach out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*End flashback*

It's funny how things work out sometimes. Allow me to elaborate. If you're a crippled kid, even if you get hit head-on by a bicycle going eighty miles per hour, your status doesn't change- you're still a crippled kid.

*Flashback*

Wally's Guardian: OH MY GOD! THEY KILLED WALLY! You bastards!

Kenta: Aw crap, I think I smell a lawsuit in this one . . .

Wally: *Getting up, brushing himself off* Nah, that's okay, I'm fine.

Kenta: But we just rammed straight into you at full speed!!

Wally's Guardian: Aw, he's had worse. I once backed the moving van over him by mistake.

Kenta: Some guardian you are! (See, Mary-Sue, THIS is why I wanted to leave town! The people here are psychotic!)

Mary-Sue: but lok ware we r

Kenta: *Looks up* Huh? Oh! Cool, this is the entrance to Wattson's gym!

Wally: Yeah, and I'm gonna take him on with my Ralts.

Kenta: . . . You're going to fight the third gym leader with a Ralts?

Wally's Guardian: See, Wally, I told you your Poke'Mon suck! Now let's go home!

Kenta: I have a Kirlia, and even I'm having doubts. You should listen to your completely-non-supportive guardian and-

Wally: No! I know I can do this! . . . you! *Points at Mary-Sue* I challenge you to a battle! If I win, I prove that I'm man enough to take on Wattson!

Kenta: Uhhhhmmmmm . . . you do realize, you've just declared war on God, right?

Wally: What do you mean?

*Five seconds later*

Mary-Sue: hey wat hapend 2 minits

Kenta: Your Espeon only needed five seconds to annihilate his Ralts.

Wally: N . . . . n-no . . . oh fiddlesticks, I lost . . .

Wally's Guardian: And you called me a crack-head for telling you y' weren't ready. Well, who's the crack-head now? Who's the crack-head now???

Kenta: (Hey man, don't listen to that guy. You suck now, but I didn't capture a Ralts myself because it was a weak Poke'Mon. If you ever get her up strong enough, kick that asswipe's butt before you go out to fight anyone else.)

Wally: (Will do, thanks Kenta.)

Kenta: (How'd you know my name?)

Wally: *Points up* (Script.)

Kenta: (Oh, right, silly me. I wonder why we're still talking in a whisper?)

Wally's Guardian: I wonder, too. After all, I'm standing right next to you. I can hear every word you're saying.

Kenta: (@#$%!!)

Wally's Guardian: That's it, young man, you're coming home this instant! Your mother won't like that you're listening to such language as his! Come, Wally!

Mary-Sue: by waly now ware wer we

Kenta: *Watching Wally get dragged away* Uh . . . about to beat Wattson, I guess.

Wattson: *Opening the gym door.* Wahahahahahahahahaha! Not likely, scamp!

Mary-Sue: santa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kenta: Wattson! . . . Hi! . . . Uh, wanna battle?

*End Flashback*

Can you believe it only took one Poke'Mon to defeat all of Wattson's team? Because it did. All I had to do was tell Shedinja to use Fury Cutter, and the rest worked itself out quite nicely. Well . . . okay, his last Poke'Mon, Magneton, managed to confuse Shedinja with Supersonic. But when Shedinja punched himself out, his other self, Ninjask, went in and finished the job. I've decided to name them Daisuke and Dark. Anyone who's ever watched DN Angel will know why.

*Flashback*

Wattson: Wahahahahahaha! I lost! I'm a loser! Wahahahahahahaha! I want a Budweiser!

Kenta: Wait, before you get drunk, Mary-Sue wants to battle you.

Mary-Sue: ya brng out ur best pokmn

Wattson: Wahahahahahaha! I think I'm having a stroke!

Kenta: Wait until after the battle to have one.

Wattson: Wahaha . . . hahahaha . . . seriously . . .

*End flashback*

Wattson had to be taken to the hospital halfway through the battle, but he's fine. It doesn't matter what Poke'Mon he would have used. Every single one of Mary-Sue's Poke'Mon I've seen thus far had a disadvantage over his Magneton, and she still crushed him. Oh well, that was sooooooo unexpected, I'm sick of writing, Vigoroth keeps trying to eat my pencil, I'm calling it a night. But tomorrow, we're still leaving this city at first light.

Until the next entry,
-Kenta
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  #7  
Old 03-19-2007, 03:00 AM
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Volcanflame Offline
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Default Re: Hoenn Insane: The Version of R/S/E You Didn't See

Heh, Kenta from crater, right?

Anyways, your parody rocks, ketna!

-Volcan-
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  #8  
Old 03-19-2007, 11:53 AM
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Default Re: Hoenn Insane: The Version of R/S/E You Didn't See

Yeh, it is pretty good. Although the amount of flashbacks is a bit anoying.
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Old 03-20-2007, 08:27 AM
cjoey97 Offline
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Default Re: Hoenn Insane: The Version of R/S/E You Didn't See

This really is insane!!
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  #10  
Old 03-22-2007, 06:05 AM
Kenta147 Offline
 
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Default Re: Hoenn Insane: The Version of R/S/E You Didn't See

Thanks for the pity post, Volcano. Sorry you don't like the flashbacks, Mew, but how can Kenta write a journal entry about something unless it's already happened? And Joey, if you think it's madness now, just wait.

************************************************** ************************

*** Chapter 7: Quit Stalking Us! ***

Dear Diary,

Hey, itís me again (what, you were expecting Osama bin Laden?), and I'm writing with my left hand today. If you want the reason, we'll just break the ice with that.

*Flashback*

Kenta: Well, that's just great . . . what genius decided to put two boulders in the path?!

Mary-Sue: mayb its on tha not *Points to a slip of paper taped to the rock*

Kenta: "Since I can't kick your butt at Poke'Mon battling, I'll just have to slow you down while I get ahead in training. Eat my dust, 'Ketna'! -Brendan." What the hell? Just how much trouble did he go through to heave these rocks in the way?!

*Scene shifts to an earlier time in the morning, with Brendan gasping and puffing to haul the last 200-pound boulder into the road. He suddenly overbalances and accidentally drops it on his foot*

Kenta: Somebody's being a bad sport . . .

Mary-Sue: thas ok ketna u just hm6 ned rok smah 2 brak rok

Kenta: Rock Smash? Tsk . . . we never checked around to see if anyone just conveniently happened to be holding it. Oh well, time to display my mad karate skills! Please pay close attention . . . you'll need to if you plan on seeing this.

Mary-Sue: ur goin2 brak teh rok????????????????????

Kenta: *Brandishing knuckles* I've got this! Super-Ultra Dragon Fist!!

*CRACK!*

Mary-Sue: u ok

Kenta: *Tears trailing from eyes* . . . I'll be fine . . . as soon as I get a super-ultra sling for my arm . . .

*Five minutes later*

Kenta: Mega-Destructive Tiger Kick!!

*CRACK!*

Mary-Sue: heres a cruch for ur leg

Kenta: *Twitching* Th-thanks . . .

*Five minutes later*

Kenta: Ultimate-Awesome Head-

Mary-Sue: wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! y dont we try sqwezing thru roks

Kenta: Squeezing through them? Well, they are diagonal to each other, I guess that could work.

*End flashback*

Not only did it work, but I was able to effortlessly hobble through despite my delicate leg, arm, and crutch. Tsk. Outsmarted by a naive little girl half my age. That'll do wonders of damage to my ego.

*Flashback*

Mary-Sue: wow u sur heeld fast

Kenta: *Limping* No, I haven't healed, a Machop just decided to swipe my crutch and use it as a barbell. If you want to try tugging it back away from him, be my guest.

Gabby: Did you get that, Ty? "Trainer gets mugged by wild Poke'Mon." Love it! We'll make headlines!

Kenta: *As cameraman gives the thumbs-up* Gah! Don't stalk us like that!

Gabby: *To camera* And now the trainer is calling us stalkers! But who's the bigger stalker? Find out tonight at 8, on PKTV!

Ty: It's you. I'm just the one who's always getting dragged around wherever.

Kenta: Hey, I feel for you man. But seriously, if you don't get rid of that footage, I'm going to break your camera right now.

Mary-Sue: blblblblblblblblblblblllllllllll *Makes faces at the camcorder*

Gabby: I'm afraid that all the film's going to be used, buddy. (Ty! Cut the footage of that girl's ridiculous antics!) However, if you feel you need to redeem yourself, we can have a two-on-two Poke'Mon battle right here and now, for the whole world to see!

************************************************** ***************************************

Later on . . .

Kid Watching T.V. #1: omg its th chosen one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Somewhere else . . .*

Kid Watching T.V. #2: wtf teh chosn ones on tv!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!

*Somewhere else . . .*

Kid Watching T.V. #3: wowowowowowowowowow r savor has showd at last

*Somewhere else . . .*

Kid Watching T.V. #4: omfg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1da chosen on ison th scrn

*Somewhere else . . .*

Kid Watching T.V. #5: omg the profesy is comming tru!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !

************************************************** ***************************************

Back in the present . . .

Kenta: Too late, you missed it, the battle's over.

*Scene shifts to Kirlia and Suicune standing over a much-battered Whismur and a disassembled Magnemite*

Mary-Sue: lol tha was 2 ez

Kenta: It seriously was. Even for me. But Mary-Sue, next time, don't knock the reporters out.

Mary-Sue: its ok teh sur fdint hit the camra

Kenta: (How is that possible? No, don't ask questions. Everything is simpler when you don't ask questions.) Alright, well let's be off before the cops get here and decide to haul us to jail for that.

Mary-Sue: ok lets go thru firy pah

Kenta: What? Wait, that won't lead us to the next gym in . . . *Checks Poke'Nav* . . . Lavaridge Town.

Mary-Sue: we just gota do it ok

Kenta: . . . whatever . . . (I wanted to ride in the cable car . . .)

*Five minutes later*

Kenta: Just a five minute walk to get through that hazardous hell-hole? Eh, what am I complaining about? Vigoroth still got a good workout.

*Scene shifts to Fiery Path, where hoards of fainted Numel, Torkoal, Slugma, Grimer, and Koffing are all laying fainted on the ground, covered in claw marks. One Koffing is still barely conscious and slowly moving away from the others, when a jet of fire erupts from the ground, mixing with his gases and causing him to Selfdestruct*

Kenta: Hear that? Spontaneous combustion. Someday, that's bound to be my fate.

Random Guy: Hi there, travelers! I've never met either of you in my life, but for no reason, I'm going to give you this TM43, containing Secret Power! You can make a secret base with it, which really isn't secret at all since everyone can obviously see where you put it!

Mary-Sue: ya thx

Kenta: Now these are the kinds of people I like running into!

Mysterious Voice: hahahahahahahahahaha prepar 4 trobl

Kenta: Aaaand . . . those are the ones I don't.

Leros & Kaira: lok its the brat agn

Kenta: How do you guys keep finding me?

Kaira: wer heded 2 mt chimney 2 do teem aqwa stuf

Kenta: Oh! Okay. *Steps aside* Then by all means, don't let me hold you up.

Leros: not sofast giv us al ur pokmon

Kenta: Aren't you just a little daunted that Mary-Sue is here right now?

Kaira: ware

Kenta: Are you blind? She's right-! *Turns around* Huh? Mary-Sue? . . . M-Mary-Sue? Come on, this isn't funny . . .

Leros & Kaira: hahahahahahahahahahahahaha ur al alon

Kenta: *Glint in eye* You know what? I'm tired of relying on a preschooler for protection all the time. I couldn't take you before. *Raises two Poke'Balls* But now, I think it's time you learned what it means to lay the @#$% off!

*End flashback*

Against all the warnings, against all logic, against the recommendations of anyone with a brain, I took a stand against the Aquas. I'd tell you how it turned out, but right now, I'm congested with ashes. That's right, volcano ash. I'll tell you how it ended in the next entry, for now, I need a tissue. Dammit, Ninjask/Daisuke is ripping up the last one, I need to stop him-

-Kenta
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  #11  
Old 03-23-2007, 02:29 AM
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Default Re: Hoenn Insane: The Version of R/S/E You Didn't See

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kenta147 View Post
Thanks for the pity post, Volcano. Sorry you don't like the flashbacks, Mew, but how can Kenta write a journal entry about something unless it's already happened? And Joey, if you think it's madness now, just wait.
I never really said I didn't like the flashbacks, I just said there were a lot of them. Oh well... I'll live with a lot of them. Anyway, whenever I read one of the new sections I always laugh my guts out.
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Old 03-23-2007, 05:12 AM
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Default Re: Hoenn Insane: The Version of R/S/E You Didn't See

*giggles insanely*

The Voice. Mary-Sue. The script. The ROFL.

Seriously, this is awesome. Keep up the good work.
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  #13  
Old 03-24-2007, 09:54 PM
Kenta147 Offline
 
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Default Re: Hoenn Insane: The Version of R/S/E You Didn't See

*** Chapter 8: Assblowing ***

Dear Diary,

Hey, itís me again (what, you were expecting Capín Crunch?), and since I left you off on an awful cliffhanger, I guess I may as well finish the whole battle thingy. I brought out Daisuke, and I was going to send out Vigoroth, but his Ball was empty. Oh crap. Well, I threw out Kirlia instead, and had Daisuke start by blinding Mightyena with a Sand Attack. Mightyena blindly tried to Bite back, and missed. Then Crawdaunt attacked Kirlia with Water Gun, and she responded by sending 200 volts of Shock Wave through his brain. Yeah, thatís right, Wattson gave me a little something to remember him by, probably so Iíd really just keep my mouth shut about him losing to a little girl. Anyway, Mightyena tackled Daisuke and hit him that time, and Crawdaunt did Kirlia in with an Irongrip attack.

So in a double switch, Combusken substituted for Kirlia, and Daisuke also showed himself out with a Baton Pass. And who should come prancing in to the picture, but Vigoroth, out of nowhere. I found out later that Mary-Sue had stolen him temporarily to teach him Secret Power, but hey, he nailed Crawdaunt pretty good with that move. Combusken finished the job by Double-Kicking Kairaís stupid lobster into oblivion, and then Mightyena butted in and chomped Vigoroth on the rear.

By the way, THIS is why I donít go over battles. Theyíre BORING. If you werenít a book, youíd be snoozing like an old coot on the toilet during a drizzly day.

*Flashback*

Kaira: noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Kenta: YES! We got one of them! Alright guys, gang up on the Mightyena now and pound the crap out of him! (Why didnít I just use all five of my PokeíMon at once?)

Mary-Sue: ill sav u ket-

Kenta: Oh, no you donít! I can handle it this time. Iím gonna beat these stalkers once and for all, and do it on my own!

Vigoroth & Combusken: *Looking up from Mightyena* Ah-HEM!

Kenta: Ah, yeah, and you guys too. *Turns back to the battle, then double-takes at Mary-Sue* Hey! Where have you been, anyway?

Mary-Sue: makin a scret bas

Leros: mityena us bit

Kenta: Um . . . *Points to the battlefield, where Combusken is striking various poses, and Vigoroth is hopping up and down on top of Mightyenaís fallen body*

Leros: nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Kenta: Hah! . . . whew-! *Pant, pant* . . . we finally . . . beat you. What do you have to say to that, chumps?

Leros: ill teech u brat go trantar

Kaira: go gardos

*Gyarados and Tyranitar appear on the field. Kenta passes out*

Mary-Sue: ketna u ok??????????? u bullys u wer meen 2 ketna ill tech u get em artuno

*Five minutes later*

Kenta: Uhhhh . . . urrrgh . . . where am I? *Looks up at the script* And Iíve only been down for five minutes?

Old Fart: Huff-puff, youíre at my house, kid! This little girlís Raichu dragged you here, huff-puff!

Mary-Sue: ya

Kenta: Oh. Um . . . thanks. Again. (DAMN IT! Why does this keep happening to me?!) Well, for the sake of changing away from an embarrassing subject, why does it smell so bad in here?

Old Fart: Huff-puff, good question! And the reason is, I fart a lot. *Brrt!* Thatís probably why Iím called the Old Fart, huff-puff. Farting just feels so good . . . so I breathe like this so Iíll fart more often, huff-puff. And to earn a little profit from doing this, Iíve started a profession in glassblowing-

Kenta: *Holding nose* Donít you mean assblowing?

Old Fart: I get that a lot, huff-puff. And if you cheek me like that again- *brrt!* - not only will I fart some more, but I wonít make you a Blue Flute either, huff-puff.

Mary-Sue: u mak stuf frm ashs

Old Fart: Yeah, huff-puff, just take these ash sacks and start collecting. If you take 200 steps, Iíll make you a Blue Flute, whatever that means, huff-puff. *Brrt!*

Kenta: Anything to get out of this place! Letís GO!

Old Fart: In case you were wondering why I live alone-

Kenta: Donít bother telling me, I already know.

Mary-Sue: ok so we fil up ahs saks n tak em bak 2 him

Kenta: You can do it. Iím never going in there again.

*Five minutes later*

Kenta: Alright, I havenít been counting my steps, but I know we ran into a good deal of PokeíMon back there. Nice workout, Combusken.

*Scene shifts to the whole of the field, where scattered bodies of Spinda, Skarmory, Sandshrew, and even a few ninja kids that Combusken mistook for PokeíMon are lying around*

Mary-Sue: ok i got som ash 2 ill tak ur bag bak in

Kenta: We are going to shower after this, right? As soon as we get to the next city. And if youíre wondering, not just because of the ash, either.

*Five minutes later*

Mary-Sue: her u go ketna

Kenta: Wow, a Blue Flute AND a Yellow Flute?? Cool! I must have really gotten a lot of ashes! What about-? *Stops and stares at Mary-Sueís glass item*

Mary-Sue: ths is 4 scrt bas *Hauling away a Crystal Sofa*

Kenta: . . . . . . Iíll say this. Nobody had dare better light a match in Old Fartís house after all the blowing heís probably been doing. Out of both ends.

*Five minutes later*

Kenta: I swear, these five-minute intervals are getting more and more frequent.

Mary-Sue: wel her we r fallber tonw

Kenta: Seems like a tranquil enough neighborhood.

Professor Cozmo: *Skipping down the street in the direction of Meteor Falls* Wee-hee-hee! I love science! Here I come, my precious meteorite! I feel pretty, oh so pretty . . .

Kenta: That does it, time to go!

Mary-Sue: wait lets heel r pokmon at cetner firs

Kenta: Tsk . . . fine.

*Five minutes later*

Kenta: Ten million bottles of beer on the wall, ten million bottles of beer . . .

Mary-Sue: tn milin??????????????/

Kenta: Look, if we need to hike up the mountain to get to the next destination, Meteor Falls, we may as well pass the time singing songs that make no sense. If everything else doesn't, why should they?

Mary-Sue: but tne milin botls of ber wood brak teh wal

Kenta: Not to mention, they'd get you very drunk. Niiiiiiiiiine-million-nine-hundred-ninety-nine-thousand-nine-hundred-ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, nine-million-nine hundred-ninety-nine-thousand-nine-hundred-ninety-nine bottles of beer . . .

*Five minutes later*

Kenta: Twenty-one bottles of beer on the wall, twenty-one bottles of . . . wait a second, how'd I get from ten million to this in five minutes? Aw whatever, we're here.

Mary-Sue: lok over ther its prof csomo n teem magma

Kenta: Holy crap! Look at how many of them there are! Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Mary-Sue: ya lets get em

Kenta: Exac- *Freezes* What?! Are you @#$%ing insane? I'm thinking we should run for our lives!!

Mary-Sue: no lets c war ths iss goin

Kenta: . . . fine, but if they find us and decide to mass-attack us with all of their Poke'Mon . . . wait a minute, what am I saying? What are they going to do, sic their Zubat, Numel, and Poochyena on us? Ooh, so scary!

Maxie: Professor Cozmo . . . man you have a gay name. But that's not important right now. *Ahem!* We need that meteorite you're studying. For some sort of evil, twisted land-expanding scheme that only makes sense to our scientists involved. I never got past the third grade, so I don't understand these physics-related things, but we're not really here to talk about me. Look, the point is, hand it over or else!

Cozmo: Or else what? You're going make your little four-pound Poochyena tackle me?

Maxie: Worse than that. I'll pinch your nose!

Cozmo: I'm slightly more intimidated now, but I'm still not going to hand this priceless wonder of nature over to you thugs!

Maxie: Not cooperating, eh? Alright boys, roll up one of his pant legs!

Cozmo: Hey! Hey! Wait, what are you going to do to me, you fiend??

Maxie: We're going to pull on your leg hairs, one at a time! Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Cozmo: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! I'll cooperate, you win, just take the stupid meteorite and don't hurt me!

Maxie: I knew you'd see it our way. Okay boys, let's get that Meteorite up to Mt. Chimney pronto! Get around it and lift with your legs, not with your backs, that's the ticket . . .

Archie: Stop! Team Aqua is taking over this operation!

Kenta: (Ooh, the plot thickens. Hey, Combusken, pass me the popcorn.)

Combusken: (Bus-ken.)

Kenta: (Hey! You already ate the whole bag! Thanks a lot, you gluttonous pig!)

Maxie: Archie . . . what the hell do YOU want? . . . Besides a tic-tac?

Archie: A dentist is what you'll want if you keep making puns about my breath. We're here for the meteorite.

Cozmo: This day keeps getting crappier and crappier.

Maxie: And what if I don't want to give it to you?

Archie: Um . . . hello, we've got a whole team of Water-type Poke'Mon ready to demolish your little pack of Fire-type Poke'Mon. Just how stupid are you?

Maxie: Hey, you never got past the third grade either!

Archie: Only because you held me back. Now quit stalling and give us the damn meteorite already!

Mary-Sue: (they rely shudnt b cussin)

Kenta: (You @#&$%, don't be spouting that @#$%, telling other people how to @#$%ing run their @#$%ing lives! @#$%!)

Archie: Hah, you were going to carry it on your backs all the way to Mt. Chimney? Well, WE had a little red wagon to put it in instead. Be seeing you, team Magma dingbats!

Mary-Sue: (wats a dinbat)

Kenta: (Who cares? Looks like they're wrapping it up down there, let's get out of here before they notice us.)

*End Flashback*

There are two ways to approach a situation such as this: the morally correct way, and the smart way. We got the hell out of there as fast as we could, and crashed for the night back in Fallabor Poke'Mon Center. While I've been writing, Professor Cozmo has come back in the door, looking awfully depressed. Judging by his obvious depression, I'm thinking he's going to get to work on those ten million bottles of beer on the wall. He's already had twenty-one.

Clueless on what to do next,
-Kenta
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  #14  
Old 03-28-2007, 07:47 PM
Kenta147 Offline
 
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Default Re: Hoenn Insane: The Version of R/S/E You Didn't See

Here's one of the antagonist chapters! Lotta enemies put out at once.

************************************************** ************************

*** Chapter 9: Anger Problems on Mt. Chimney ***

Hey, itís me again (what, you were expecting Hugh Jass?), and things have gotten (if possible) even wierder than usual. Let's start from right off the bat.

*Flashback*

Kenta: Ughhhh . . . another bad sleep . . . *opens eyes* Huh? Mary-Sue?

Anti-Sue: No, it is I, Anti-Sue, Mary-Sue's rival and alter ego!

Kenta: Very funn- . . . WHAT?!

Anti-Sue: Didn't you hear me? Do I sound like Mary-Sue to you?

Kenta: *Pokes above text* Wow . . . not one spelling error. You really are different! But you look exactly the same as her.

Anti-Sue: Whatever, where's Mary-Sue?

Kenta: No, the real question is, what the hell are you doing in my bedroom? And more importantly, since this is the top bunk, how are you suspending yourself in midair like that?

Anti-Sue: I'm holding onto the edge of your bed really tight. You're the one everyone calls Ketna, correct?

Kenta: Only Mary-Sue calls me Ketna. And it pisses me off!

Anti-Sue: Well you need anger management, then . . . look, quit getting off the subject, I asked you where Mary-Sue was!

Kenta: I don't know! Didn't you bother to check the bottom bunk??

Anti-Sue: Yes, actually, I did. Unlike those who surround you, I am not an idiot.

Kenta: I don't know whether to be thankful or scared crapless.

Anti-Sue: Well if you see Mary-Sue, tell her that Merlin has sent me to take her down!

Kenta: Merlin? Who's Merlin?

Anti-Sue: Merlin "The Magi" Durai? The guy who beat Magmar with a Weedle? He's the world's strongest trainer!

Kenta: He must have The Voice!

Anti-Sue: Ah, but he doesn't. He's leading a small band of underground fighters in a revolt against The Voice. And my orders are to capture their Chosen One . . . Mary-Sue. Cut off the head, and the body can't live.

Kenta: You're creepy. Get away from me!

Anti-Sue: Hey, we're not evil or anything. What's your deal, anyway? You're one of us, too.

Kenta: I don't wanna be mixed up in it! I want out of here!

*Five minutes later*

Kenta: Huh-? Hey, we're on the road . . . Mary-Sue? Is that you?

Mary-Sue: ya

Kenta: Uh . . . did you just use the Five Minutes Later to get me out of that awkward situation?

Mary-Sue: ya

(Anti-Sue: *Somewhere else in the space-time continuum* Damn it! She used her godmod powers! I knew this would be a tough opponent to deal with!)

Kenta: Hey, um, Mary-Sue . . . by chance, you're not some grand messiah of your people, are you?

Mary-Sue: no

Kenta: Oh, okay, just checking. Because someone named Anti-Sue was asking about you.

Mary-Sue: o no antisu is ver ybad she wats 2 tak me 2 lab n do expirmints on me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Kenta: What?? What makes you say that? She's only eight years old, just like you!

Mary-Sue: shes my aler ego and alwys trys 2 fite me

Kenta: How come I've never seen this happen before?

Mary-Sue: i dont no lets go on cabl car

Kenta: *Finally paying attention to his surroundings* Woah! We're at the cable car? . . . Cool! I'm not going to ask any questions, lest it ruin the moment, let's just ride up!

Brendan: *From inside the cable car* No, no, ask away, because I'm already ruining it for you. Ho-ho-ho and away we go!

Kenta: *Watching Brendan get hoisted away in the cable car* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Mary-Sue: darn loks lik were goin 2 hav 2 hik it

Kenta: I'm going to slaughter that kid the next time I get a hold of him . . .

*Five minutes later*

Kenta: I'm getting a blister! Are we almost there?

Mary-Sue: nto yet

*Five minutes later*

Kenta: It's getting awfully windy up here! And I just got some ashes in my eyes . . .

Mary-Sue: keep goin

*Five minutes later*

Kenta: F-finally! *Huff, gasp* We . . . made it . . .

Mary-Sue: uh ketna *Points up*

Kenta: What? *Notices they only made it up to a small outcrop protruding from the volcano's side; about 1/10 of the way up* D'OH!

Mary-Sue: *Holds up Articuno's Poke'Ball* thsl spd thigs up

*Five minutes later*

Kenta: We should have done that in the first place. But my butt's cold now! Hey, what's going on up here?

*End flashback*

After riding Articuno up to the top of Mt. Chimney, we found Brendan there, along with the scattered bodies of a bunch of Aquas and Magmas. Archie and Maxie were sending the last waves of their troops at each other while Archie's strange meteorite machine was powering-up to do something to the volcano. Needless to say, there was no getting out of this one. And by that, I mean Brendan and Mary-Sue wouldn't let me jump frantically into the cable car and ride for my life back down.

*Flashback*

Brendan: Where the @#$% have you BEEN, Kenta?! You're sixteen minutes late!

Kenta: Well sor-ry! Someone decided to take the trolly up without waiting for us . . .

Brendan: That was before I knew what was going on up here! Now hurry up and help me defeat this Aqua.

Kenta: Huh? Why are you getting involved? Both teams are crooks, let them beat each other to death!

Brendan: Nope, I'm taking the Magmas' side. They're trying to get us more land.

Kenta: So? What's that got to do with anything?

Brendan: With all this global warming and the melting of the polar ice caps, what idiot would want to try expanding the water now? Look, it's a lesser of two evils, now get your butt over here and help me already!

Mary-Sue: but u alredy beet him now

Brendan: What-? *Looks at the fainted Aqua* Oh yeah. I did. Okay, well, who's next?

Kenta: Um . . . only Archie and Maxie are left now.

*Brendan and Kenta look at each other*

Brendan/Kenta: You get Maxie, I'll get Archie.
Brendan/Kenta: You get Archie, I'll get Maxie!
Brendan/Kenta: You get Marchy, I'll get Axey!

Brendan: Screw this, I'm just going after Archie!

Kenta: Fine, I'll fight Maxie!

Brendan: Fine!

Kenta: FINE!

Mary-Sue: w/e hury up alredy

Kenta: What's the hurry?

Mary-Sue: leros n kira r climig up lege of mt chimny 2 get us

Kenta: Why? Oh, they must have missed the cable car. (Man, we got ahead of them fast.) Meh, let's just get this done.

Maxie: So . . . it's you again. What have you got against me, boy?

Kenta: Uh . . . you know what, I really don't know. It's the Aquas I'm mad at. But for whatever reason, I'm supposed to fight you.

Maxie: Well, I am a criminal overlord . . . say, do you recall what I said a couple days ago, back when I was trying to rob the white-haired-old-geezer kid of his junk?

Kenta: You mean about how you wouldn't fight me until you were sure you'd lose?

Maxie: Yeah, that. Well, I'm feeling pretty wimpy right about now, so let's have at it!

Kenta: Wait! I have a better idea.

Maxie: What is it?

Kenta: *Rushing forward, giving Maxie a shove* It's so much easier to just push you over the ledge!

Maxie: Gaaahhhhhhh! *Tumbles over*

Leros: whew almos ther

Kaira: hey wats tha- *Maxie bangs into them, causing all three to roll the rest of the way down the side of Mt. Chimney* aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!

Kenta: *Brushing hands off* Now that's what I call getting the job done!

Archie: *From the other side* No! My machine! What are you doing to my machine??

Brendan: *After removing the meteorite* What do you think, numbnuts? I'm doing what Kenta just did, only I'm using this ledge! *Kicks weird machine into the lava at the volcano's center*

Kenta: Thanks for stealing my idea, fat-head!

Brendan: Your head's just as fat!

Archie: Hey. Hey! Will you two fatheads knock it off long enough for me to mourn over the loss of my mechanical contraption?

Brendan: Fine, mourn away. Well Kenta, Mary-Sue, I'm off to Fallarbor Town now. *Waves meteorite in his hand* I'm gonna collect my reward from Professor Cozmo.

Kenta: Hey, wasn't that a huge rock the last time we saw it?

Brendan: Hmm . . . was it? I guess the ******* who's writing this story must not have been paying attention.

Kenta: Oh god, I hope he didn't name me after himself . . .

Brendan: Yep, that would sure blow. Well, 'later dude, dudette. *Takes the cable car down*

Mary-Sue: ok lets tak jaged pas down 2 lavarig twn

Kenta: It's just down that pass? Cool! What a convenience, I'm glad we didn't head all the way through Meteor Falls only to wind up getting lost.

*End flashback*

There's a reason that place is called Jagged Pass, y'know. In other words, I'm not sitting down as I write this at the Lavaridge Poke'Mon Center. Tomorrow I'm going to do the relaxation stuff in this town until my poor, tender butt feels better. If only I hadn't slipped and fallen . . . but Mary-Sue just HAD to be in her usual hurry.

Badge 4, here I come! . . . I hope!
-Kenta
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  #15  
Old 04-01-2007, 04:17 PM
Kenta147 Offline
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 40
Default Re: Hoenn Insane: The Version of R/S/E You Didn't See

*** Chapter 10: Relaxation ***

Dear Diary,

Hey, itís me again (what, you were expecting Benedict Arnold?), and today's been a pain in the butt. Just like yesterday's fall in Jagged Pass. You know how everyone likes a good relaxation spa? Well, that's under the assumption it's good.

*Flashback*

Kenta: Ohhhh . . . my back hurts. Probably from all that climbing I did yesterday. Maybe I oughta visit the hot spring and melt off some tension. *Goofy grin* And there'll probably be girls there . . . normal, pretty, not-eight-years-old girls . . . *Nosebleed*

Combusken: *Translation* What was that all about?

Kirlia: *Translation* I just read his mind. He's having some sort of erotic fantasy. *Sigh* Men . . .

Mary-Sue: hey ketna wan 2 chek out teh sand beds

Kenta: Right after I use the hot springs. And even though my shoes are filthy and my gi and pants are all sweaty, I'm going to walk in fully clothed. I'm so S-M-R-T!

*Five minutes later*

Kenta: Ahh . . . so warm. I'm going to catch ptnemonia as soon as I get out . . .

Old Lady 1: Hey, you charming young man . . . want me to scrub your back?

Kenta: *Gack-!*

Old Lady 2: Oh, how I love the young people! Undo his ponytail, and I'll brush his hair!

Kenta: (Oh no . . . two old ladies are hitting on me! I GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE!)

*End Flashback*

You think that's bad? Wait until you hear what happened when I tried the sand beds.

*Flashback*

Kenta: That was the scariest experience of my life! I really need to relax now!

Combusken: *Translation* I couldn't get into the water, so I didn't see . . . how'd it go for him?

Kirlia: *Translation* Well, the pervert got his wish. He sure met some girls, all right.

Mary-Sue: hey ketna th san beds r soooooooo nic u shod try it

Old Geezer: Yeah! All of the tension just fades away!

Kenta: Alright, I'll give it a shot. (What could possibly go wrong?)

*Five minutes later*

Kenta: Ow! A Poke'Mon just nipped my backside!

Old Geezer: Yeah, that happened to me just the other day. Thankfully it was just a Sandshrew.

Kenta: *Tears streaming from eyes* This doesn't feel like any Sandshrew jaw grip . . . YOW!

Old Geezer: Woah! I've never seen a human jump so high.

Mary-Sue: Woa a trapnch

Kenta: GEEEET IIIIIT OOOOOFFFFFFF! Get it off, get it off, get it off, get it off, get it off, get it off-

*End Flashback*

Well, I ran around for about twenty minutes, with that little ant lion holding a death grip on my butt. Did Mary-Sue get bitten by anything? Oh no, she was just peachy! When Combusken, Vigoroth, Kirlia, Dark and Daisuke couldn't pull the Trapinch off, I ended up using the only other method I knew . . .

*Flashback*

Kenta: I'm never opening this Ball again.

Mary-Sue: u cached it?????????/

Kenta: Yes, I "catched" it. And if you ever let him out- *Demonic face* all hell will break loose.

Old woman: Oh, you poor young boy! I saw what happened. Here, have a Lava Cookie.

Kenta: Itís not really made of lava is it?

Old woman: *Handing Kenta a cookie* Heavens no! Lava is molten rock.

*Crunch!*

Old woman: Thatís just what the lava hardened into.

Kenta: Fanks. Shumbody gaver up ma teef sho dat da doctuh can gwlue dehm back in.

Old woman: If you want to, you can borrow my dentures! I've got a spare set at home.

Kenta/Mary-Sue/Combusken: *Shudder*

*Five minutes later*

Mary-Sue: u sur ur don relaxng

Kenta: Let me ponder that for a minute . . . hmmmmmm . . . YES!!

Mary-Sue: well her we r flanerys gim

Kenta: Good . . . hey, Flannery, get out here!

Flannery: *Muffled voice from inside the gym* No can-do, you've gotta make it to me!

Kenta: What?! Come on! Haven't I suffered enough?

Flannery: Look, I'm a sucky gym leader, so I'm kinda scared to battle anyone . . . why do you think it's so hard to get to me?

Kenta: You pansy . . .

*Five minutes later*

Kenta: F . . . finally . . .

Flannery: *Shocked* No way! How did you reach my room so fast?! I've got about ten bodyguards hidden all around the gym in the sand!

Kenta: Yep. *Tosses a Poke'Ball to himself* And right now, they're all getting butt-stitches. I've decided this guy would come in handy after all.

Mary-Sue: but ketna u sed tht all h-e-dobl-hocky-stiks wood brak los if trapnc got let out

Kenta: Well, this town IS Hell! Or at least, it's hot as hell in here.

Satan: *Suddenly appearing* Whew! You're right about that. Hey, kid, I'm still on for the whole ten proteins for your soul deal, y'know . . .

Kenta: Go away, Satan . . .

Satan: Your loss. *Vanishes in a burst of fire*

Kenta: Anyway, now that I've finally reached you, let's battle already!

Flannery: Geez, what's your rush? You need to relax more.

Kenta: I . . . never . . . EVER . . . want . . . to . . . relax . . . again . . . *eye twitches*

*End Flashback*

So, I fought Flannery, and all she had were two Slugmas and a Torkoal. During the match, Kirlia evolved into Gardevoir, and from there Flannery got wasted. Easy win.

*Flashback*

Flannery: No! My Torkoal!

Kenta: Wow. Note to self: don't ever get on Gardevoir's bad side.

Mary-Sue: woa jst 1 pokmon got her

Kenta: What're you getting all worked up about, Mary-Sue? You always dominate gym matches with just one Poke'Mon.

Flannery: Aren't you even the slightest bit relieved that you won? I get the feeling you weren't very worried when you fought me.

Kenta: Well, you COULD have used slightly more challenging Poke'Mon than Slugma and Torkoal . . .

Flannery: I do, but that's for second-round matches.

Kenta: Alright Mary-Sue, that's your cue. I'm going to turn around and pick my nose now, and when I turn back, it oughta be over.

Mary-Sue: ew gros

*End flashback*

Disturbing as that comment was, it was nevertheless quite accurate. Mary-Sue had Suicune come out, and that was all it took to win the match. I didn't even pay attention, I knew how it was going to turn out. What I'm wondering (even though I know I shouldn't) is how she does it. The Voice is one @#$%ed-up concept. Meh, thinking's for smart people, I'm gonna wrap up now. Until the next entry,

-Kenta
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