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Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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  #1  
Old 01-28-2007, 05:17 PM
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Default The Test of a Champion!

-The Test of a Champion!- DONE READY TO BE GRADED
Aim: Wurmple and Surskit
Word Count: 2,891
Characters: I think between 6-9K
Note! This is a Side Story, my Main Story is in the works, but writer’s block!

Cody is a sixteen year old man and is very confident in himself. He always wears blue jeans
and a green long sleeve shirt. He is a very powerful trainer who is now in the final battle for his chance to win his first Pokemon championship. It is his Aggron against an Altaria in the final battle. The Indigo Plateau’s Coliseum was covered with rocks for this battle and the fans were screaming loudly.

“Aggron use Dragon Claw on the Altaria now!” Cody commanded his colossal steel Pokemon. His Aggron was his first Pokemon and is a bit cocky at times. The Steel and rock type ran toward the flying Pokemon and, using the rocks like a trampoline, jumped towards Altaria and slashed its faced with its glowing white claws. The Altaria was flown to the ground after that super effective hit and a puff of smoke appeared after. After the smoke had subsided. The Altaria was barely standing after the attack, it looked wiped out as its panting grew heavier after each breath.

“Altaria! You can do it. Do a Hyper Beam with the last of you strength!” Altaria’s trainer yelled confidently to its injured Pokemon.

Altaria slowly got up and charged up its Hyper Beam. Aggron and Cody stood there like they know they have already won.

“Aggron, use Protect to stop the Hyper Beam. Then when that is done do a Water Pulse to finish it off!”

“TARRR!!!!” the Altaria screamed as it shot the zigzag like beam towards Aggron. Aggron slowly brought its hands together and he used some of his energy to make them glow blue. The blue energy that Aggron gave off in its hands was able to stop the Hyper Beam right in its tracks. As Aggron brought its hand out of its face it began to charge the Water Pulse to fire at Altaria.

“Fire it now Agg….”

“Wait Cody!” the Judge called to him, “Look at Altaria.”

Cody’s eyes went from focusing on the judge to Altaria. The mighty dragon Pokemon was laying there, out like the cute little bird it once was as a Swablu.

“I know what I must do…. Altaria is unable to battle! Aggron wins. The winner of the Kanto League Championships goes to Cody!”

Tears strolled down Cody eyes. He was too happy to speak. The trainer on the other side of Cody brought out the red and white home of Altaria and recalled it back into its ball. He was proud of the work Altaria had done.
“Thanks for one of the best battle I have ever had Cody,” the trainer said to Cody in a bitter sweet way.

“No problem Tracy! I hope to battle you in the future. I was not sure if I was ever going come back after your Politoed, Ampharos, and Aipom took out my first three Pokemon in such a quick time.” Cody replied hugging Aggron happily.

As the sun was hidden by the incoming night the awarding of the trophy began. Cody was standing in the center of the arena on top of a platform with a “1” on it the stood high above two other platforms. Tracy stood on the platform with a “2” and a female trainer stood on the “3” platform. They all stood nervously as everyone in the audience had their eyes on them. Just then, as fireworks shot into the night sky and as the lights from the coliseum were baring down on the arena, the head of the Pokemon League, known as Mr. Johnson entered into the arena walking towards the three trainers. He had two bodyguards walking next to him each holding a bronze and silver metal; Mr. Johnson having a gold metal and a very large trophy with a Pokeball on the top of it. As the three were standing right in front of the trainers, the bodyguard on right of the Mr. Johnson gave the female trainer the bronze medal. The bodyguard on the left gave Tracy the silver medal as well. Before Mr. Johnson placed the medal around Cody’s neck he yelled to the audience.

“I want you to meet our new champion of Kanto, Cody! Please Cody, take the gold medal and the trophy of Kanto in honor of your hard work.” Mr. Johnson happily said.

“Thank you sir.” Cody kindly replied. He grabbed the trophy and after the medal was placed around his neck he raised up the trophy with happiness. The crowd happily roared in honor of the new champion. Cody stood there happily with tears rolling down his face. He had won the championship.

Cody awoke the next morning and packed his things, he was going home. He had heard of a train in Viridian City that would take him to Ecruteak City, only a days walk from his hometown of Olivine City. He decided that he wanted to get some training in with two new Pokemon he had caught while making his way to the Indigo Plateau, so he decided to go into the Pokemon center to use the phone to contact Professor Elm to retrieve his new Pokemon.

“I would like the two Pokemon I had sent you a while back Prof. Elm,” Cody said, “I will be sending Roselia and Stantler over to you.”

“Sure no problem. And congratulations on winning the Kanto League Championships too! Your mom is so proud,” Prof. Elm commented, “Just send me the Pokemon and I will send you the two babies.”

Cody placed the spherical homes of Stantler and Roselia on the transporter and with the power of technology they were gone with out a trace, being sent like email to Prof. Elm.

“Okay Stantler and Roselia are here with me! He come the two Pokemon.”

After a few seconds of Prof. Elm saying that two Pokeballs containing his two newest Pokemon appeared before his eyes. Cody picked them up and shrunk them down to size and placed them on his belt. After saying some final words he said farewell to Prof. Elm and farewell to the Indigo Plateau.

Cody was walking down Route 22, the path a mere mile from the very populated Viridian, and decided to eat his packed lunch by the small lake in the small pasture like route, he was very hungry. He set up everything for what he hoped to be his lunch: the turkey sub, the cola, his chips, and his fork and knife (Cody likes manners). As the soft wind was blowing through the long brown hair of Cody, he picked up his sandwich. He began to lick his lips about to eat his delicious turkey sub when all of the sudden he heard what sounded like a String Shot. His eyes fixated from the sandwich to where he things he heard the sound, but saw nothing. Let me try this again, he thought. Cody picked up the sub once more and hear the sound again. This time he looked the opposite direction he looked before but then saw nothing.

“What is going on?” Cody said aloud looking down to the ground where his soda and chips were, “Hey where did they go? Was there a real Pokemon that took my food? Well at least I have my sub still.”

Cody went to take a bite of his sub when all of the sudden the string shot grabbed a hold of his sub and was trying to pull it into the water. Cody held his sub as a fishing rod trying to get the Pokemon out from the lake.

“Ohh no you don’t! Give me my sub!” Cody yelled grabbing on to the new fishing rod, “I feel as though I’m trying to pull in a Wailord! What ever it is I intend to capture it now!”

Cody held on to his turkey sub fishing pole with his right hand while getting a Pokemon ball out with his left hand. After the red and white sphere was out in his hand he used the strength of a Tauros and yanked the Pokemon out of the lake. The water splashed upwards and out came not one but two Pokemon! A Surskit and a Wurmple were both being pulled out of the water and were sent flying into the air.

Well it looks like they used Surskit’s speed to throw me off guard, he thought.

“They must have used Surskit’s speed to take my soda and my chips. I looked one way they took one thing, I look the other they took the other thing. And they dove into the water to take my sub, they are very smart. Well I guess I will be using the Pokeball to catch something. Pokeball go!”

Last edited by Pichufan4; 01-28-2007 at 05:24 PM.
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  #2  
Old 01-28-2007, 05:18 PM
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Default Re: The Trial of Bugs! A Chapmion's Greatest Challenge

Cody tossed the Pokeball at the Wurmple that was now over top his head. The Surskit watched as his friend was sucked into the Pokeball. The Pokeball landed on the ground and began to shake. Surskit was startled and ran over to the Pokeball and pressed the button in the center. The button released Wurmple and sent the Pokeball flying back, hitting Cody in the head. The two Pokemon faced Cody looking as though they were ready to battle.

“Ohh you guys are in for a world of hurt! I just won the Kanto Championships! I will not lose to the likes of you two! Ill choose my Aggron and my Torkoal!”
Cody threw the Pokeballs of the two Pokemon and tossed them in front of the Surskit and Wurmple. The two balls popped open to reveal the steel giant and the flame tortoise.

“Torrrrkoaall!” Cody’s old buddy yelled spouting smoke from its nose and shell.

“AGGG!” the steel Pokemon cried.

Wurmple and Surskit were not afraid at all and awaited the moves from Cody.

“Torkoal use Flamethrower and Aggron use Hyper Beam together!”

Torkoal sucked up the smoke is had exhaled and used the smoke to produce the Flamethrower that was fired at Wurmple and Surskit. Aggron gathered energy and fired the Hyper Beam at the Pokemon.

Surskit glided across the grass to stand in front of the now scared Wurmple. As the Flamethrower and Hyper Beam honed in on the Pokemon, Surskit put up a Green Barrier that negated the attacks, he was using Protect. Wurmple quickly jumped over Surskit and used a String Shot to ensnare both of the exhausted Pokemon to stop them in their tracks.

“Come on Aggron and Torkoal! Break free!” Cody cried.

The two Pokemon struggled very hard trying to break free of it. They could not move. The Wurmple’s String was way too powerful.

After the Wurmple finished her job, the Surskit darted to face the side of the two struggling Pokemon, the light blue lake right in front of it. It raised two of its legs and an aquatic sphere grew between the legs. It fired the Water Pulse at the Pokemon. Aggron and Torkoal were both hit by the attacks and were both pushed closer to the river.

“Come on break free guys!”

The now injured Torkoal and Aggron were continuing to try and break free from their silk traps. Surskit continued to fired Water Pulse after Water Pulse moving them inch by inch close to the water. Surskit’s power had Cody mesmerized, preventing him from paying attention to Wurmple (now firing a barrage of Poison Stings at the Aggron and Torkoal). Just then, Cody noticed that both of his Pokemon were both at the edge of the lake in Route 22. The Surskit and Wurmple both smiled and simply ran over and both use a high speed tackle to nudge the Pokemon trapped by String Shot into the lake. The Torkoal and Aggron, both hating water, waded there hysterically trying to get out.

“Ohh no! Look at this. I lose to a battle against two basic Pokemon with two Pokemon that I used to help me win the Championship! Torkoal, Aggron, return now.” Cody said.

He took out the homes of the two Pokemon and recalled them back into their Pokeballs for rest. He now needed to send out two Pokemon that can be as fast and tough as Surskit and Wurmple. He then decided to use the two Pokemon the Professor Elm had sent him.
“I choose you! Charmander and Oddish!”

Cody released his two new Pokemon to battle the Surskit and Wurmple. The red lizard and green plant both popped out of their Pokeballs not knowing what was going on, the two were nervously staring straight ahead at the Surskit and Wurmple across.

“Surrr.” The Surskit giggled.

“Wurrmple!” The Wumple said with an intimidating look.

The two new Pokemon of Cody’s just stood their shaking, they were very nervous since this was their first time in battle, let alone a double battle.

The Surskit and Wurmple were the ones to make the first move. Surskit spun around line a dancing like fashion and then stopped and fired a Bubblebeam right at Charmander, Wurmple leaped into the sky and fired a String Shot right at Oddish. The baby Charmander and Oddish were awaiting an attack plan from Cody.

“Charmander and Oddish. Switch Places!” Cody yelled, “And Charmander use Ember to stop the String Shot. Oddish use Petal Dance to block the Bubblebeam.”

Charmander and Oddish quickly sidestepped to be standing on the opposite side they once were. Charmander exhaled tiny little embers to burn the String Shot to ashes. The Wurmple was getting nervous. Oddish hopped and released pink petals right toward the Bubblebeam. As soon as the two collided, there was a tiny explosion that did not effect any of the Pokemon. Cody had to act fast.

“Oddish use Stun Spore to stun them from a short time,” Cody said, “Charmander when Oddish finishes her job you go in and use Metal Claw on both of them!”

Oddish and Charmander quickly darted towards the two bug Pokemon. Oddish jumped high above them and set off a gold color powder. Surskit and Wurmple tried to evade the attack, but the powder had already set in, and they stood there unable to move at all. Charmander used this to run over to the paralyzed bugs and slashed them both with a Metal Claw. The Pokemon were very injured, it looked as the battle was about to be over.

“Charmander use Flamethrower on both of them to finish this battle off!”

Charmander breathed a searing Flamethrower that flew right towards Surskit and Wurmple. The two bugs looked scared, but they actually were not. They quickly shook off the Stun Spore and Surskit glided right in front of Wurmple and set up the green protection shield like it did before and stopped the Flamethrower from damaging them.

Hmm, Cody thought to himself.

“Wait I got it! Since Surskit has used Protect, the next time he uses it again there is a bigger chance that it will not happen! That will be my time to attack. Oddish use Petal Dance, and after Oddish does Petal Dance Charmander use your Flamethrower!” Cody called to his new companions.

“Oddddd……iish!” the tiny grass Pokemon cried. It lifted up its leaves and fire the pink petals right towards the Wurmple and Surskit. Wurmple and Surskit smirked as Surskit set up the protection barrier once again. After Oddish completed her attack, Charmander was raring to go.

“Charmander do it now!” Cody yelled.

“Charr!!!” The red and organ flame shot right out of his mouth and right at Wurmple and Surskit. Again, like they did with the attack before, Surskit raised its legs and began the Protect. However, it did not work because he had used it too many times in a rows. Surskit was frantically trying to make the Protect work, but it was two late as the Flamethrower struck the two bugs very hard causing a super effective hit.

“We got them now. Just one more set of moves and I’m set. Oddish jumped and do a Stun Spore again!”

Oddish lunged itself into the sky. As the sun gleamed over Route 22, Oddish spun to produce the gold like powder it did before. But, Wurmple and Surskit were aware of this and Wurmple use her String Shot. The String Shot actually stopped midair and Wurmple began to spin. This caused the String Shot to form a tiny tornado in which it blew away the Stun Spore. The two Pokemon were too busy paying attention to Oddish, that they both forgot about Charmander.

“Charmander finish this off with your Fire Spin!” Cody yelled, while grabbing two Pokeballs from his pocket.

Charmander nodded and released the flaming tornado from its mouth. Wurmple and Surskit both turned to see their demise, the Fire Spin was right in front of them, they knew that they had lost. The Fire Spin struck the two Pokemon causing the tornado to go from horizontal to vertical. The bug Pokemon were spinning along with the tornado as the fire damaged them more and more.

“Alright Surskit and Wurmple it was fun battling you. Pokeballs go!”

Cody grasped a ball in each and swiftly chucked them at the Surskit and Wurmple. The Pokeballs darted towards the bugs within in the Fire Spin and as the balls trapped the Pokemon inside of them selves. The Pokeballs feel to ground and as the Fire Spin disappeared into the sky the balls wiggled once….. Twice……



I hope to get these Pokemon. I do not know whether or not it was long enough but I did my best!

Last edited by Pichufan4; 01-29-2007 at 11:18 PM.
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  #3  
Old 01-29-2007, 11:17 PM
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Default Re: The Test of a Champion! (READY TO BE GRADED!)

Introduction: This could use a little bit of work. Whenever possible, try to tell instead of showing. Instead of saying Cody is a sixteen year old man and is very confident in himself. He always wears blue jeans
and a green long sleeve shirt. He is a very powerful trainer who is now in the final battle for his chance to win his first Pokemon championship. It is his Aggron against an Altaria in the final battle. The Indigo Plateau’s Coliseum was covered with rocks for this battle and the fans were screaming loudly.


Try something that shows more. Maybe something like this:

"Go, Aggron!" Cody yelled, flinging the brightly colored pokeball onto the rock-covered field. Fans screamed loudly from all sides, their eyes fixed on the Pokemon Championship battle. The Indigo Plateau's coliseum was packed with specators.

Since he was only sixteen, Cody was very proud to have gotten to the championships. The man was determined not to lose. In fact, in the hopes of being lucky, he had worn his favorite outfit, blue jeans and a green long sleeved shirt- What he'd worn the day he became a trainer.


Try to draw the reader in with an exciting first sentence, then weave your introduction into it. This way, the person will be more likely to stay to see the whole story.



Grammar: There were a few small things here, where a letter or two was left out, or a sentence seemed a little off. The story was still interesting and readable, however. Next time, check it over a bit more, but it can pass for this story.


Plot: A boy fights in a tournament, wins, and then tries to eat lunch- But wild pokemon try to steal his sub! So, he captures them, after they defeat the strong pokemon he won the tournament with.

This was good! It wasn't an insane idea, or overdone, but it was pretty unique, and cute. For a wurmple and a surskit, this was complex enough.

Detail:
For a wurmple and surskit, this was good. You included little things, like day turning to night as the sun was hidden by the darkness, etc, but in a few places, especially near battles or exciting parts of the story, you could have used more detail. These are the parts that are easy to rush, because you get excited about writing them. However, they're also the parts that need detail the most, so try to throw a few in next time.

Battle: This was good! I liked how two strong pokemon were, believably, defeated by a wurmple and surskit. Also, the little descriptions here were much better than at the beginning of the story, such as the "flaming tornado" released by Charmander. This, and a few other attacks, were very good. You're showing a lot of improvement with battles.

Overall: Surskit and Wurmple captured! Next time, you will want to check your grammar and spelling a bit more, and perhaps try to write more subtle introductions, but overall, this story was good.
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