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Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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  #1  
Old 01-27-2007, 04:12 PM
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Default Boring jobs and brainless pokemon

Pokemon to catch: Magikarp
Plot: Belize has a boring job at a factory supporting himself, his two brothers, and sometimes his older sister. But one day, he finds a pokemon, and catches it! With it, he has a chance of becoming a good trainer, and making enough money to support them through training and battling, rather than boring, monotonous factory work.


"Belize!" Norti barked, and the 17 year old boy sighed.

"Yes, sir?" He asked, putting his sandwich down. If he knew Norti, he was probably assigning him to yet anoher little technical malfunction, even though it was his lunch break. He only got twenty minutes, so he hated when Norti interrupted that time, especially when there were plenty of other people capable of tying a broken string back together, or removing a melting crayon from part of a machine. (Well, perhaps not the latter. Belize hadn't even known how it GOT there, and had taken a long time to get it out without damaging the delicate parts or having to take the whole thing apart).

"There's a problem in sector V, the electricity isn't working." Norti said. "The other engineers have tried everything- Rewiring, new circuits, all they could think of. Give it a shot."

Sector V had secret projects. Belize had never been allowed there before, much less allowed near technical problems more serious than "Mrs. Donil dropped her ring in the machine and it got stuck, get it out of there." So, he didn't have many complaints as he gulped the rest of his sandwich and lemonade, before heading to Sector V.

Though he knew very little about circuits, Belize examined them anyway. When they, and all the other machinary, didn't reveal an obvious problem, he frowned, and went over them again, this time dramatically. He was determined to fix this, and wanted it to look like a hard, nearly impossible job, so he'd be more appreciated and get a bonus. Maybe even a promotion.

First, however, he had to figure out how to fix the stupid thing.

"There seems to be a problem with the wiring." He said, and another engineer laughed.

"We tested the wires. They work. One's got a weak flow, but that's because something's not letting the electricity get into the machine. The wire should be conducting just fine, they don't appear damage."

"I see." Belize said. He had no other ideas, however, so he removed the wall panel, and crawled alongside the wires, examining them. They seemed alright. Until, that was, he reached the room where the extra lengths was coiled.

A wire was broken. It was, however, conducting some, because the ends were stuck to a water type pokemon- Magikarp.

"How the hell did you get in here?" Belize asked with a laugh, before another surge of electricity went through the lines, hurting Magikarp. Feeling bad, he glanced around for rubber gloves, finding the ones repairmen wore, and pulling them on. Quickly, he pulled Magikarp out of the way, not sure how well the gloves would protect him. They did work, however, luckily.

The magikarp was unconcious, Belize realized, and no one else knew it was there. Hastily slapping a patch connector on the wires so they'd conduct, he listened to the cheers, then, from the walkie talkie, questions about what he had fixed. "The wire was a bit worn, that's all." He said, feeling bad about lying, but doing it anyway. Pulling up a piece of netting meant to hold the insulation in the walls, he wrapped the Magikarp, and put it in his backpack of tools. He would have to buy a pokeball for later... But for the moment, that ought to hold the weak fish.

'I have a chance now.' He realized, excitedly. 'I don't need to stay here, doing this lousy job. If I become a trainer, I can fight for money for our family.'

Not knowing what Magikarp was, he strode proudly from the factory at the end of his workday. His siblings would be so proud of him when he told them- And he couldn't wait to shock his arrogant neighbour, Mr. Menduzi, by challenging him to a battle. Surely his stupid Arcanine would be no match for the amazing fish he had just caught.

Last edited by FireflyK; 01-27-2007 at 09:55 PM.
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  #2  
Old 01-27-2007, 07:19 PM
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Default Re: Boring jobs and brainless pokemon *Done, needs grading*

I liked your other Magikarp story better, but this one is still good. It's a cool idea and not one that's been done too many times, so you pass the decent plot section of this. The only errors I found here were that you didn't capitalize 'Magikarp' and a few other names, but that honestly doesn't matter. The details and battle were good, the length is perfect, and you can add this to your many list of successful captures.

Magikarp Captured! - Good job, and I am tired, so that explains the lazy grade.
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  #3  
Old 01-27-2007, 07:21 PM
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Default Re: Boring jobs and brainless pokemon *Done, needs grading*

Hehe, not a problem. ^__^ Thank you sooo much for grading it!
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