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Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.

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Old 01-24-2007, 12:51 AM
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Blazeiken12 Offline
Master Trainer
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: In a bag
Posts: 475
Default The Battle Between Father and Son

Part 1

The Pokeball pinged signaling that Tyler had finally caught Mareep.

"Alright, we did it Eevee!" He yelled running to his Pokémon.

"Eevee," She cried happily. They both walked over to the Pokeball, as Tyler picked it up and put it in his pocket.

"I have to tell Fury right away!" He yelled happily. He ran back into the Pokémon Center and into his room to see Fury was gone, and a note was on her bed.

Dear Runt,
I have stolen ya' girlfriend and if you want her back bring yourself to the old cave by Noon today. If you ever want to see her and her Eevee alive, again get down here by Noon.

"They've got Fury," He said his breath crumbling the piece of paper.

"Tyler, is everything alright?" Nurse Joy asked walking into the room.

"No, they've got Fury," He said.

"I'll call the police," She yelled running to the phone. She dialed 911 the phone rang an officer picked up.

"Is this an emergency?" The woman asked.

"Yes a young girl has been kidnapped," Nurse Joy, answered into the phone.

"Okay I'll send someone right way," The woman answered.

An hour passed as a motorcycle drove up the dirt road in front off the Pokémon Center.

"This must be the place," She said running into the building. Her light blue hair swayed into her face. The door opened sideways as the two saw a tall woman.

"Hi, my name's Officer Jenny, but just call me Jenny," She said politely.

"This isn't really a time for introductions, Team Black Dragon kidnapped my best friend, I don't know why, and I don't care, but I want her back now!" He yelled slamming his hand's on a nearby table.

"Fine, you can come with me, maybe you might have a scent of her on your body and my Arcanine can track her down,” Jenny said looking at Tyler.

They both ran outside to see that Officer Jenny's motorcycle had a sidecar.

"I got the sidecar," He said, running to the sidecar. He jumped into the blue and white oval sidecar and put on his helmet.

"Hang on!" She yelled. She put her hands on the throttle, her feet on the pedal and sped off, making Tyler hold on the sidecar for his own safety.

"So, Tyler do you know where they're at?" She asked.

"Yeah there at an old cave," He answered. She looked at him, and he looked back at her.

"Theirs only one cave around here!" She yelled. She pulled the throttle back even harder kicking cloud of dirt and rock into the sky. They drove past trees, Pokémon, and a few people until they reached an old cave.

"This is the place," He said looking at the cop. They both walked into the damp, deep, dark cave.

"I've got a flashlight," She said. She pulled a long black flashlight from her back pocket and turned it on. They cave lit up all of a sudden like the nighttime on 4 July.

"Someone's here!" He yelled. Eevee hopped off his shoulder. They began to hear many small footsteps come their way.

"Go, Arcanine!" She yelled. She pulled out her Pokeball and through it into the air as white light shot from it, and a large red and orange dog materialized from it. "Arcanine, use Flamethrower!" She commanded. The dog opened its large mouth as a large, long flame shpt from it and went into the hall only making the foot steps come at them even faster. "They must be fire Pokémon!" She yelled. The Pokémon came into view. It was a large pack of Houndour, led by a Houndoom.

"I was right, they have a flash fire technique, meaning fire attacks can't hurt them, it only makes the stronger.

The Houndoom gave an evil grin, and shot a large black ball from its mouth.

"Eve!" Eevee yelled. She jumped off Tyler's shoulder and countered with the same attack.

"Eevee, you learned Shadow Ball!" He yelled happily. Eevee looked back Tyler and smiled. She began to glow a bright white color and grow larger.

The Houndoom and Houndour became angry and launched a multiple shadow ball attack, but it was too late, for Eevee, had evolved into an Umbreon.

"My Eevee's, now an Umbreon!" He yelled for joy. The incoming shadow ball hit Umbreon causing a hug explosion inside the cave.

"Tyler, this place might fall!" Jenny yelled in fear.

The smoke cleared, revealing that Umbreon was un-damaged.

Umbreon glared at the pack of Pokemon, opened its mouth wide, and shot it's own Shadow Ball, larger then their combined one at the Pokemon, hitting the leader, and hurting the Houndour badly.

"Tyler, we have to hurry!" Jenny yelled.

Current Vpp
Hatch @ 397 Completed!
Rukushio @ 412 Completed!
Rentorra @ 472
Lv.100 @ 682

URPG Stats

Join the UPRG it's fun!

Last edited by Blazeiken12; 01-27-2007 at 06:44 AM.
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Old 01-27-2007, 06:45 AM
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Blazeiken12 Offline
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Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: In a bag
Posts: 475
Default Re: The Battle Between Father and Son

Part 2

Tyler and Officer Jenny ran through the cave, until Umbreon stopped in her tracks and began to sniff the thin air.

"Umbreon, what is it?" Tyler asked.

"Umbreon," She cried pointing her nose to a large gray door.

They slowly walked to the door, and began to hear a loud kicking noise from the other side.

"It's Fury!" Tyler yelled. He quickly opened the door to see Fury on the ground tied up and a piece of duct tape over her mouth. He dropped to his knees and slowly pulled the tape from her mouth.

He noticed another door right down the room

"Tyler, it was your dad who did this!" Fury yelled frightened. Tyler eyes began to open wide as he began to snarl, and grow angry

"Jenny, take Fury out of the cave, I'll deal with my dad." Tyler said as he stood to his feet.

"Are you sure Tyler?" She asked.

"Yeah," Tyler answered. The two walked from the room. "Dad, if I thought I hated you now you'll never be seen alive." Tyler said under his breath.

He slowly walked and opened the door to see a giant battlefield, and the end was his father.

His father’s dark black hair swayed into from his face and into his hood revealing his evil red eyes. His Team Black Dragon hood had a small red dragon on it.

"So it seems you've made it son," His father said with a menacing grin on his face.

"Shut up!" He yelled back angry. His Umbreon stepped in front of him and growled at the sight of her father, his dad's Espeon.

The purple cat paid no attaching to his daughter; he just swayed his double tail back and forth on the ground.

"Oh I see you want to battle, very well, Espeon, let us get rid of our children." He said with an evil grin on his face.

The purple cat's tail swayed back and forth as his small red jewel glistened in the brightly lit room.

"Espeon, use Shadow Ball!" He commanded. Espeon widely opened his mouth and shot black ball at Tyler's Umbreon.

"Dodge, and use Shadow Ball!" He commanded calmly. The orb of darkness sped at Umbreon only to miss and hit the ground. "Now use QuickAttack!" He yelled. Umbreon faced a wall and used a QuickAttack to run along side of it at high a speed. "Okay now use Shadow Ball Umbreon!" He commanded.

Umbreon sped along the dark red walls shooting dark orbs from her mouth few hitting Espeon; others were just missing, but creating a cloud of smoke.

"Umbreon use your QuickAttack!" Tyler commanded. Umbreon burst from the cloud of smoke and rammed her father directly in his head.

"You got lucky Tyler," He said. "Espeon, use your Psychic attack immediately!" He commanded. Espeon shook off the attack as his eyes began to turn a light blue and pick up Umbreon. "Throw her!" He yelled. Espeon shifted his head to the wall slamming Umbreon hard against the wall. "Shadow Ball and end this battle!" He commanded.

Espeon dropped Umbreon and shot another dark orb at her before she could even hit the ground.

Umbreon finally hit the ground with a thud defeated.

"Umbreon, Return!" He commanded. He pulled out his black and white Pokeball, as a thin red light returned Umbreon back into her Pokeball.

Tyler looked at his father's Espeon to see it was growing tired and breathing hard. "Alright, Mareep, time to put this cat to sleep, GO!" He commanded.

He pulled a small Pokeball from his belt and through it into the air as his Mareep materialized from a blinding white light.

Mareep growled at the sight of Espeon and his wool began to spark.

“Mareep, use Thunder!” Tyler commanded. He charged at Espeon as a large yellow bolt of zigzag electricity hitting him directly paralyzing Espeon.

“Espeon, use Shadow Ball!” He commanded. Espeon opened his mouth and shot three large black orbs from his mouth.

“Mareep, use Reflect!” He commanded. He slammed his tail onto the ground as a pink see-through wall appeared blocking the attack. “Now use Thunderbolt!” He commanded. Mareep jumped over his barrier and shot another bolt of electricity finally defeating Espeon.

“Espeon, you weakling, get back into your Pokeball!” He commanded. He pulled out his Pokeball as a red light shot from the center and returned Espeon back into his Pokeball.

“Son, it seems that you are strong, but it is time to die, Blaziken, use Earthquake!” He commanded. A Blaziken jumped from a nearby ledge and stomped his red legs hard on the ground rumbling the cave. “Tyler, it seems you are going to die, I guess I’ll be off,” He said. A Flygon flew down from the same ledge.

He jumped onto the green dragon and flew out of the cave from the roof.

Large boulders began to fall and crush many items. Tyler noticed four Pokeballs on a nearby table.

“I had better take those,” He thought. He ran over to the table dodging large red boulders. He grabbed them all and ran out the door.

“I’ve got to make it out of here!” He yelled. He dodged more and more boulders, until finally large rocks blocked the exit. “Crud, I have to find another way out!” He yelled.

He quickly turned his head to see no one other then the pack of Houndour.

Houndour shifted his head.

“You want me to follow you?” He asked. The Houndoom shook his nose the other way, meaning that Tyler had to follow.

“Mareep, let’s go!” He yelled. The Houndour and Houndoom lead the way; Tyler and Mareep close behind.

They came to another dead end; only this time they used an attack. The dogs opened their mouths as an array of Flamethrower shot from their mouths.

“Mareep, their trying to melt the boulders with fire!” He yelled amazed. It was actually working the boulders melting. “Mareep let’s make this fire a little stronger,” He said looking at his Pokemon. Mareep nodded and began to use Thunder. The thunder swirled around the fire melting a large section of the rock tomb. “Come on!” He yelled pointing his finger past the melted rocks. The Houndoom, Houndour, and Mareep ran through the hole; Tyler close behind. He slipped past the melted rocks, only burning his left arm, causing him it quickly to bleed and leave a scorch mark.

He dropped to his knees in pain as more boulders began to fall.

“I’ll be fine,” He said in pain. He rose back to his feet in agonizing pain gripping his arm. “That should slow down the bleeding.” He thought. He followed the group of Pokemon until they came to the light at the end of the tunnel. “The exit!” He yelled happily. They finally reached the end as they all saw Officer Jenny, Fury, and Fury’s Eevee.

The cave then began to crumble and fall into small pieces.

“Tyler, your okay!” Fury yelled crying. Her tears were not tears of sorrow, but tears of joy, because she knew her best friend and his Pokemon were okay. She hugged him and hugged him hard

“Fury, I’m fine, but you’re crushing me!” He yelled gasping for air. She released he grip on him and wiped the tears from her face.

She then slapped the left side of face in anger. Tyler stumbled a few steps back

“Why the hell did you come after me? You could have been killed!” She yelled in anger.

“Well, if I left you and there and you would have died I wouldn’t have been able to do this,” He said with a smile. He pulled her in close and kissed her on her lips. She did not refuse she laid her hands on his chest and kissed him back.

They finally broke apart for air. They both blushed and looked away from each other.

“Tyler, Fury has told me that she wants to me to return her back to Cinnabar Island,” Jenny said with a smile.

“I know she told me yesterday,” He said with a smile. Jenny looked at Tyler’s wound and cloths to see they were torn and his arm was still bleeding.

“Tyler, I have some extra cloths on my bike and I think their about your size. She walked over to her motorcycle and pulled out a pair of cloths from under the seat. “Here you go,” She said with a smile.

“Thanks!” He said with a smile. He took the cloths and ran behind a large nearby tree. He began to put them on and noticed a small bandage for his arm. “Okay let me see,” He said. He wrapped the bandage on his arm. He finally finished putting on the cloths he received. “So how do I look?” He asked.

He was wearing a long white sleeve shirt, pushed up at the sleeves a small amount. A short white sleeve shirt with a long red and blue stripe near the top and white cargo pants just as his shirt only on the sides.

“You look great!” Fury yelled happily.

“Oh yeah Officer Jenny, I found the Pokeballs in the lab I think they have Pokemon in them,” Tyler said pulling the Pokeballs from his pocket. “Pokemon Go!” He yelled. He threw the four Pokeballs into the air as a Steelix, Sealeo, Trapinch, and a Bulbasaur.

“Well, I guess you can keep them after you did have that run in with death,” She answered.

“Wow, I get to keep all of these Pokemon!” He yelled happily. The four Pokemon began to smile at their new owner.

Officer Jenny and Fury sped off into the forest.

“Houndoom,” Houndoom cried pointing to one of the Houndour in the pack.

The whole pack of Houndour moved away from the one Houndour. The Houndour then began to growl at Tyler and his new Pokemon.

“You want to battle, fine, bring it on!” He yelled. Mareep stepped in front of him as his other Pokemon stood behind him.

“Mareep, use Thunder!” He commanded. Mareep shot a large bolt of electricity at the Houndour, only to miss. Houndour jumped high into the air and growled deep creating the flame in its stomach and blowing it at Mareep trapping him in a fire vortex. “Mareep, use Thunder!” He commanded. Mareep shot another bolt of electricity only out the roof of blazing fire hitting Houndour. It quickly shook off the blast still hurting from the the previous attacks.Its small red cup like mouth snarled at Mareep as it lunged directly for Mareep biting him in his wool.

Houndour’s body soon began to fill with electricity paralyzing it.

“Alright Mareep use Tackle!” He commanded. Mareep charged directly into Houndour doing small damage. “Now use Thunderbolt!” He commanded. Mareep then ran directly into Houndour’s face and gave him another yellow zigzag bolt of electricity directly into his face.

Houndour then dropped onto its knee, but it was not giving in it gave an evil grin to Mareep and began to shoot a purple gas from its mouth.

“It’s Smog attack!” He thought to himself covering his mouth. “Mareep, use Thunder!” He commanded. Mareep began to fall down, but did as his master told him. He gave Houndour a final Thunder attack, before they both finally fell to their defeat.

“PokeBall, Go!” He commanded. He threw his PokeBall at the fallen puppy as the smog cleared. It wiggled once….twice…AND?
Authors Notes: Steelix,Trapinch,Sealeo,and Bulbasaur were either bought or traded.

Current Vpp
Hatch @ 397 Completed!
Rukushio @ 412 Completed!
Rentorra @ 472
Lv.100 @ 682

URPG Stats

Join the UPRG it's fun!

Last edited by Blazeiken12; 01-28-2007 at 03:39 PM.
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Old 01-30-2007, 04:54 AM
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I has a stik
Join Date: Jul 2005
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Default Re: The Battle Between Father and Son*Ready for grading!*

Story: Eh ... you have to go to a cave because your girlfriend has been stolen? It sounds more like something from an old movie than something for a Pokemon story. The idea was just a bit too typical for my tastes, and almost a bit dry. There are much more original plot devices you can think of, and it can even verge on being ridiculous. This is a fantasy world, after all.

Spelling/Grammar: You just missed a few commas and didn't spell a few words right, but MS Word could take care of those if you ran your story through them before submitting it. Oh, there's also some confusion with 'their' and 'they're', which is alright but is a pet peeve of mine.

"Umbreon use your QuickAttack!"
There should be a comma after 'Umbreon', or the sentence is a fragment. There are other things, but you can find them yourself.

Length: It almost seems like enough for Houndour, but I don't think the entire story is sufficient enough for one. I'm more worried about the plot and lack of details than the length.

Detail/Description: Lacking, to say the least. This jumps from one piece of dialogue to the next, with hardly anything described in between. I need to see the characters, the cave, and all the creatures described, because the only real detail I saw was during the battle. What does the main character and Fury look like? Same with other things, and although Espeon is a "purple cat", that doesn't fully describe the way it looks. What about her strange ears and tail? To make your story more interesting and actually enjoyed by other readers, it is a MUST that you detail anything you can get your hands on. Just writing a few sentences on descriptions for one thing and then putting in a bunch of dialogue does not cut it. You need to tell us what everything is.

Battle: I think you just used Thunder and Tackle. Mareep and Houndour are evenly matched, so there should be more. I appreciate the effort in detail, but it isn't enough. There needs to be more attacks used, and a bit more detail.

Outcome: Houndour Not Captured! - The story needs to be worked on, as do all the details and the battle.
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