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Go Back   Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000 » Interactive Boards » Creative Writing

Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #1  
Old 01-15-2007, 02:44 AM
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Default Wolf Fire

Well I must say I will enjoy writing this fic! There is a war between the Dragon Pokemon and Wolf Pokemon. A young wolf (me) is to find a way to stop the bloodlust and save her family and friends. But will she even survive?

Prologue: War howl

It was midnight, only a few Pokemon were awake at this hour. A lone howl was heard through the silent night. Then another call answered, and another. A message was soon sounded through the wolf clan. Finally the last howl sounded. It was different from the rest, for it sounded more powerful, but more solemn too. The bright saffron moon hung low in the sky that night. From across a ledge, the wolf Pokemon gathered. An Arcanine stood at the top of a hill overlooking Purity Lake. Soon afterwards a Mightyena and her pup sat down. A Vaporeon poked his head out of the water. All of the clan members came to the lake to witness what was to come.

All of a sudden the night time air quickly became frozen and snow started to fall lightly from the sky, covering the ground in a soft sheet. The lake soon froze into a thin slab of ice.

“Mother, what is happening?” A young Poochyena asked. His mother still was staring at the frozen water when she replied. “I do not know my son. But I am not confident that there is good upon us.” The Vaporeon turned his head to them. “Something is running upon the ice, I can feel the vibrations across the lake.” He was correct. A figure bounded across the frosted water. Beside it flew a magnificent bird. Both were beautiful to see in the light of the moonlight. A crystal rested upon the running creature’s skull, and from the back of its neck flew a wavy mane of deep violet. On its light azure coat were diamond shaped spots of white fur that dotted the pelt of the beast. Two ribbon-like tails whipped wildly around its sleek body. A crystalline bubble surrounded and protected the majestic creature.

“Look brothers! It is Wolf Queen Suicune!” An old Manectric shouted. Various chatter soon ensued upon the wolves.

“Queen Suicune? But why is she here? Who is that bird that flies beside her? Why is there snow?” All of those questions and more were spoken. The deep cerulean bird had started to fly lower and was skimming the frozen water. Three blue feathers crested its head, and a plumy white tuft of down covered the breast of the hawk. The large wings of it barely had to move a feather to glide. But the most magnificent sight was the long, graceful tail that flew behind the enchanting bird.

“Suicune, why have you summoned me?” The ice phoenix asked. “It is brother Rayquaza, sister Articuno.” Suicune replied sadly.

“Brother Rayquaza? What has happened?” Articuno queried. “Brother Rayquaza,” Suicune spat, “has murdered my father.”

“What? Father Ho-oh has been slain?”

“Yes, that is why, Articuno, we are going to the Dragon clan. I will wage war with Rayquaza to avenge my father’s death.”

“Oh Suicune, please do not! That is not necessary!” Articuno pleaded. “Articuno, only bloodshed will avenge my father. You know this is true. It is in the code of the Wolves.”

“Alright, I trust you sister. My only word is to be safe….”

~END So how did the prologue seem? I love wolves so I'm really going to like this fic!!!!
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Last edited by Frozen_Mystic; 01-15-2007 at 03:58 AM.
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  #2  
Old 01-15-2007, 03:05 AM
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Default Re: Wolf Fire

Hmm... So far, it seems like it has potential. I love wolves and dragons, as well. ^^ This is just the prologue, however, so I don't know where it will be going.

I liked it. You had nice description, though it was a little short (but again, it was just a prologue, so that's fine). Something that you might want to keep in mind is that when another person speaks, it's a whole other paragraph. For instance, this

Quote:
“Mother, what is happening?” A young Poochyena asked. His mother still was staring at the frozen water when she replied. “I do not know my son. But I am not confident that there is good upon us.” The Vaporeon turned his head to them. “Something is running upon the ice, I can feel the vibrations across the lake.” He was correct.
should be this

Quote:
“Mother, what is happening?” a young Poochyena asked.

His mother still was staring at the frozen water when she replied. “I do not know my son. But I am not confident that there is good upon us.”

The Vaporeon turned his head to them. “Something is running upon the ice, I can feel the vibrations across the lake.” He was correct.
Sure, the parts "His mother...she replied" and "The Vaporeon...to them" could have been in the other paragraph, but it still looked better this way, and it makes things simpler. Also, there's no need to capatilize the words "said", et cetera, when they follow the dialogue.

I'm going to keep an eye on this fanfiction. It looks like it could turn into something really good. ^^
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  #3  
Old 01-15-2007, 04:02 AM
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Default Re: Wolf Fire

Thank you very much. I will keep the speech paragraphing in mind. Also, just to say, I'm only 12 years old. Thusly there will be a few errors here or there, but I'm glad you like it so far! ^_^
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  #4  
Old 01-15-2007, 02:21 PM
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Default Re: Wolf Fire

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eaglemaster23 View Post
Thank you very much. I will keep the speech paragraphing in mind. Also, just to say, I'm only 12 years old. Thusly there will be a few errors here or there, but I'm glad you like it so far! ^_^
That's okay. For as young as you are, you have a very good grasp on description. As I said, I'll keep reading this fanfiction.
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  #5  
Old 01-15-2007, 06:47 PM
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Default Re: Wolf Fire

Oh thanks! That means alot! I'll try to get chapter 1 in soon too!
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  #6  
Old 01-16-2007, 01:10 PM
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Default Re: Wolf Fire

Kaze is right. This has a lot of potential, and I can see this growing into a very good fanfiction. It has the elements of a Dark fic (the murder of a loved one; the summoning of an army; the preparation for a War), yet aspects of Pokémon unlike many dark fanfics. Most Dark fanfics have Pokémon as tools, as weapons in the War. In this case, it is the Pokémon who will be wielding the wepons. Lovely. I wan't to commend you for taking on such a story at such a tender age (meh...only two years older here, but who cares).

Again, I'm only repeating what Kaze said, but speech paragraping is a major thing in fanfics. It makes it easier to read, easier to edit, and overall easier to write, as you know who is talking.

As I am obssessed with both wolves and dragons (wolves in real life and dragons in my fantastical world in my head) this story is now on one of my to-look-at things on the forum.

By the way, "Thusly isn't a word. It's either "Thus", or in the case of what you said, "Thus far". Keep that in mind.

DS
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  #7  
Old 01-16-2007, 03:29 PM
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Default Re: Wolf Fire

Oh thank you so much! I allways noticed that (as you said) most of the time the Pokemon are the weapons. But there is a deep meaning to this and only angel_fire knows what it truly is. Seeing as there will be a war there's going to be lots of blood and gore, just a touch of romance, betrayel, and other such. So I guess a Dark Fic would be a good name (heh, get it? Wolves, Dark fic? Ok, maybe not my best joke.... )
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  #8  
Old 01-16-2007, 03:31 PM
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Default Re: Wolf Fire

Well, everyone else has already pointed out the few errors you had, so no criticism here.

But, I must agree. For a twelve year old, you have an amazing skill for writing. I don't love wolves and/or dragons, but they do appeal to me. So, I shall be awaiting the first chapter.
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  #9  
Old 01-16-2007, 03:43 PM
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Default Re: Wolf Fire

Yay! Thanks Angel! You remember Why Rayquaza murdered Ho-oh, right? If you don't it's in a PM I sent you.
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Old 01-16-2007, 03:57 PM
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Default Re: Wolf Fire

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eaglemaster23 View Post
Yay! Thanks Angel! You remember Why Rayquaza murdered Ho-oh, right? If you don't it's in a PM I sent you.
Uh, no. What PM?
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Old 01-16-2007, 04:01 PM
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Default Re: Wolf Fire

The Trailers we sent to each other. You know, you sent me a trailer of yours, then I sent you a trailer of Wolf Fire?
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  #12  
Old 01-16-2007, 04:54 PM
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Default Re: Wolf Fire

Oh yeah... Nevermind
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  #13  
Old 01-17-2007, 01:22 AM
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Default Re: Wolf Fire

Ok then so yeah, Angel knows why the war really stsarted.
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  #14  
Old 01-18-2007, 02:50 AM
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Default Re: Wolf Fire

This looks pretty good, just a few errors I'd like to point out. ^___^

Quote:
“I do not know my son. But I am not confident that there is good upon us.”
The error here is a matter of punctuation. When you are addressing a person, whether it be at the beginning, middle, or ending of a sentence, you will put a comma before and/or after the person's name that you are addressing.

Therefore, it should look a little something like this:

Quote:
“I do not know, my son. But I am not confident that there is good upon us.”
Only a minor error, so nothing serious there up there. ^_____^

Quote:
“Look brothers! It is Wolf Queen Suicune!” An old Manectric shouted. Various chatter soon ensued upon the wolves.
Something I'd also like to clear up here as well. This should be:

Quote:
“Look brothers! It is Wolf Queen Suicune!” an old Manectric shouted. Various chatter soon ensued upon the wolves.
Notice how the "an" is not capitalized. It's just a rule of grammar and not a very big problem. ^^

So that's basically it, but one more thing you could try to do to improve your writing is to try joining up some of those shorter sentences and make them longer.

I think it is a great fic in the making, and you can be certain that I'll read it. =D
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  #15  
Old 01-18-2007, 11:44 PM
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Default Re: Wolf Fire

Thanks, Reyenne. I know there are a couple grammar errors, but as everyone says, they're minor. But I'm glad you like it! Chapter one will be in soon, I just need to type it!
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