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Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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  #1  
Old 03-08-2004, 04:13 PM
Cody's Avatar
Cody Offline
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Default The Corsola Reef (ready for grade)

OOC: This is actually my 4th story, but my others date back to Proboards.

Cody was one of those insignificant people sometimes called bully magnets. His frail, weak appearance earned him the nickname of "Skinny Bone". He lived in the small, peaceful town of Pacifidlog, the town between Slateport and Sootopolis. Built on a reef of fossilized Corsola, it was home to many Rock-type trainers, including Cody's arch-rival, Hector. Cody's Aron was a weakling, and was always being KOed by Hector's Onix. We begin our story at the Pacifidlog Trainer's School...

Ok, class, you know tomorrow is our diving trip to study the geology of the fossilized Corsola. I should be very interesting seeing the calcite carbonate crystals that grow inside the rock!"

"GROAN..." replied the class. Mrs. Elbark, their science teacher, almost never had an exciting field trip, no matter how hard she tried. After class, Cody went out to the hall to see his friend Rob.

"Oh, hi, Cody. Mr. Palentio just gave us an assignment to capture a pokemon. How am I supposed to do that? My Nosepass is a weakling, and I don't have a single pokeball!"

"Well, you could try Phys Ed to train it, and then catch one."

"Good idea! Excuse me, but Pastor and I have serious training to do!" Cody rolled his eyes. He progressed out the door. On the way to the casual residence, he met his worst nightmare. Hector was blocking the way to his house. He saw the sparkling water next to the dock, and knew that the worst was coming.

"Hey, Skinny, you stink! You must have forgotten to take your bath today!"

"I smell fine, thank you very much! If you want to push me into the water, don't feel free to do so."

"Oh? Well that's exactly what I wanna do! Too bad, skin-and-bones!"

With a chuckle and a shove, Cody was instantly in the freezing water.

"Ha-ha! See ya later, sucker! A-ha-ha-ha-ha!"

"What? Hey! Rrrr... I'll get him someday! Now, to get myself out of here... ouch!"

A blunt pink and white spike was sticking out of the water, unmoving.

"Huh. Must be one of those unstable loose Corsola. Either that or that meanie Hector put that there to get me when he pushed me."

Cody was soon to find that it was neither.

"Hey, wait a second! Fossil Corsolas are gray! This one must be real! If I caught a water type, I'd be the best trainer in the world! Hector's Onix wouldn't stand a chance! Ok, go, ARON!"

He threw a Great Ball onto the improvised wood and straw dock, and the form of a small, armored quadruped appeared.

"Arooooon!" it cried.

"Aron, This may be our first capture!"

The Corsola leaped out of the water, its prime advantage and onto the dock. It began to shine, making its body significantly harder.

"Ok, Aron, use a Growl attack!" yelled Cody. Aron let out a low rumbling sound, slightly lowering Corsola's attack. Corsola shone some more, steadily raising its defense. "Well, that was a pointless move. Now that piece of coral is going to go down hard! Aron, Tackle attack! Take him down!" Aron lept at Corsola with a determined look on his face. He collided with Corsola, making the clanging of rock on metal. But the Corsola was hardly fazed.

"Sola." it said, shining some more.

"Ok, try a Metal Claw! That's super effective!" Aron clawed at Corsola with his claw glowing like a Lunatone's eye. But even with the great type advantage, Corsola was hardly harmed!

"Cor. Corsola." It kept shining. It's defense was now nearly invincible!

"I just know it's mocking me. Ok, Growl once again!" Aron once again released a sound. But this time, instead of a low rumbling, an earsplitting, chalkboard screech shook the dock. Corsola screamed, for his defense was badly lowered. "Aron! That wasn't growl! What were you-- wait! You just learned Metal Sound! Great! Heh, now to finish it! METAL CLAW!"

Aron lept at Corsola, once again glowing brightly. Corsola dodged it, splashing Aron with crystal clear water. "ROOONNN!" it cried. Corsola launched a more powerful blast, a Water gun! Aron was seriously weakened. As it lay there, weak as a Weedle, Corsola prepared for the finishing blow. But Aron wasn't done yet. Caught up in rage, and ignoring Cody, who was crying:

"Iron Defense! Iron Defense!" he charged furiously at the Corsola, once again glowing excessantly. This time, the attack struck home, knocking Corsola afar. But the coral pokemon wasn't done either. It prepared to launch a devastating attack. As the blue sphere of a dangerous Water Pulse appeared, Aron knew he was done for.

In a desperate last attempt, Aron used a fatal Iron Tail attack on the weakened pokemon. Now weakened to the extent where it could not fight any longer, the weakened pokemon collapsed, dropping harmlessly to the ground.

"Yeah! Aron, you did it! Now, Pokeball, GO!" he hurled a red and white sphere at the coral pokemon, hoping for it to become his buddy and bodyguard. But that Corsola had nerves of steel! It broke out of the ball and destroyed Aron with the now fully charged Water Pulse. As the sphere collided, Aron was knocked into the water. Just then, Aron gave up. "Roooonnnn....." it cried, as it plunged to the depths in the water.

"NOOOOOO!!!! Aron!" Cody cried. He swam down, grabbing Aron in the nick of time. But before he could return to the surface, he saw a menacing grin. A dark figure launched multiple spikes at him. The last thought that went through Cody's mind before he blacked out was terror.

"Cody... Cody... Coooo-dy? You awake yet?"
Cody sensed a presence above him.

"AAAAHHHH! No, please don't hurt me, I promise I won't capture you!"

"Chill, Cody, it's just me, Rob! I saw you floating near the dock, so I convinced Professor Redwood to lend me her Lapras to reach you."

"Oh, thanks, Rob. Where'd you put Aron?"

"Aron? There wasn't no Aron there. Just a skinny bone!"

"ROB! Quit that! Wait... If you didn't see Aron, then... no. No! NOOOOOOO!!!!! Aron!!!!" Cody mourned. Cody returned to his home to be greeted by his dad.

"Hey, Cody. Why so glum?"

"*sniff* Aron... Aron... he... he fell into the water. Now I'll never become a pokemon Trainer."

"Oh, no! You know what, tomorrow I'll take you ut for ice cream. That should make you feel better."

"You don't know, dad, you just don't know."

The next day, Cody walked along the Corsola path to school, thinking what all the kids would say when he showed up without a pokemon. He knew that he would already have to survive Hector's daily beating, and now he'd have to do it without a pokemon. Just as expected, Hector was at the school entrance.

"Well, well, well. If it isn't Skinny Bone. I see Aron isn't with you today. What's the matter, are you scared he'll get hurt?"

"It's none of your buisness, Hector. Now go away."

"Oh? Like I'd do that! I know! This time I'll thrash you worse! I'll have Onyx thrash you! You are so gonna get hurt! Go, On--" Hector was cut short. A small, dripping wet quadruped had Headbutted him in the stomach.

"Aron! You're alive! Yay!" As Aron and Cody happily reunited, they did not notice Hector sneaking off and mumbling:

"You'll pay for this, Cody..."

In class, Mrs. Elbark made an announcement to the class.

"Hello, class. As you know, today is our diving field trip. We'll each bring a retrocoscope for mechanically replicating the movement of a Corsola, and compare the data with that of the fossil DNA. You know your emergency drill, so don't hesitate if you get lost. Now, let's set off!"

"GROAN..."

At the end of the dock, Cody was the first to jump in. He hit the water in a less-than-joyful mood. He knew Hector would take advantage of the fact that Aron coudn't swim. But before he could recieve this beating, a gleeful spiky rock glared at him. Cody instantly recognized it.

"No. Not this time. This time Aron and I will win. If he can survive the ocean, he can survive you. You will pay."

TBC...

Comments appreciated!
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Last edited by Cody; 03-11-2004 at 06:07 PM. Reason: Had to log off.
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  #2  
Old 03-08-2004, 11:09 PM
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Default Re: The Corsola Reef

Story: 4/10

Well, the only plot i really saw was getting pushed into the water. You need to add a lot more story to this if you want a good grade. All it was was a little story and a battle.

Spelling/Grammar: 8/10

Very good in this section, although the story was so short there wasn't that much of a chance to spell much wrong. You really need to extend the length.

Detail: 5/10

You had some, but not much. You can surely use a lot more in this story, to make it seem more realistic.

Battle: 4/10

Not much of a battle either. There was a little tiny bit of change here and there, and you made it interesting by having Aron learn Metal Claw in the middle, but other than that it was kinda boring. Make it longer and with more detail.

Total: 21/40

You need to make this story much longer if you want a good grade. You can also put a lot more detail into the story if you want a higher grade, and the battle was really very short...

Corsola ~ Uncaptured
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  #3  
Old 03-09-2004, 12:04 AM
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Default Re: The Corsola Reef

Ok, it's been edited. I've improved beginning plot and detail. I've made the battle slightly better as well. Hopefully I'll get at least 27/40.
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Last edited by Cody; 03-09-2004 at 12:15 AM. Reason: ........................................................................
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  #4  
Old 03-11-2004, 08:17 AM
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Default Re: The Corsola Reef (ready for grade)

Story: Pretty good, just that you need to try some other interesting ways to obtain Corsola, since it's pretty rare. This might work for a Magikarp or something, but definitely not for a Corsola. I can't think of any good plots to get Corsola, sorry, um, maybe like it was abused by Hector and left on the land, you try to save it, but Hector appears and says it's his Pokemon, but Corsola seems unwilling to part with you, so Hector battles you with it. A lousy suggestion, but may work if you write it well ^^

Grammar: Pretty bad, try using Microsoft Word or spellcheck.net to check your grammar(only spelling erorrs for spellcheck.net).

Details: Good, I like your details a lot. But describing your surroundings, feelings, and emotions during battle will help a lot. Go boy go, you will suceed.

Reality: If it was some other town, I'd say bad, cuz Corsola don't appear randomly just anywhere. But Pacifidlog IS a place for finding underwater mons, so there's nothing wrong with this section for you

Battle: You would like to increase it a bit more, as it's a little short now. The details in your battles are fine, but try to describe how attacks work, and how the Pokemon reacted or felt after getting hut.

Outcome: Corsola not captured!
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