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Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.

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Old 12-24-2006, 03:20 AM
avinash's Avatar
avinash Offline
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Exclamation PokeZap! the fiction where anything can happen! SEASON 1


ring ring ring! The bell goes off as dratini, bagon and charmander were getting ready to go outside. ahh, its so nice outside, i cant wait till we do something! Maybe we can play frisbee? Or anything!!! Whined dratini. Nope all were gonna do is sit here and relax in sunny breeze as we inhale the air of nature. Uhh, i agree with dratini, we really should do some thing! Fine lets go through gate #2! Gate #2? I thought we only had gate #1? whatever. I'm going into it one way or another! They all stepped into gate #2. I have been waiting for you chanted an unknown voice. You are the chosen ones and you have been chosen to find the 6 poke gods and make them join your team. Only then will the world understand the meaning. The meaning??? The meaning will soon be revealed, now go! off to the unchanted forest were you will find ivysaur... he is the 1st pokemon god. Little did they know that there was a snoop. A snoop that was listening to everything they said...... TO BE CONTINUED

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Old 12-24-2006, 04:30 AM
Legendary Wolf Offline
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Default Re: PokeZap! the fiction where anything can happen! SEASON 1

You need more Details and the Chapters are Way to short work on that much for now
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Old 12-24-2006, 04:59 AM
Ryenne Raleigh Offline
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Default Re: PokeZap! the fiction where anything can happen! SEASON 1

Okie-dokie. Since this only took me less than a minute to read xP, I'm gonna review it.

First of all, when you are writing a story, you capitalize the first letter of every sentence. That's just a basic rule of grammar and should always be used when writing a story. In a chatroom or forum, uncapitalized sentences are fine, and nobody cares, unless they are a totally perfect grammar freak xP.

Second, you always capitalize "I" as a pronoun by itself. Big no-no when you don't capitalize it. Once again, in a chatroom, no one really cares, but in a story, it's crucial.

Third, you left out several apostrophes. Saying simply "its" means that it belongs to "it", whatever "it" may be. "It's" is the contraction for "it is." There' a difference. xP You still forgot other apostrophes in your contractions other that just "it's".

Fourth, when a character is speaking, their words are put into quotation marks. When the character stops speaking, before you put the quotation marks, you'd put the correct punctuation mark and then the quotation marks.

Fifth, organize your story. It looks tacky being bunched up into one hulking paragraph. When characters speak, also, you would start a new paragraph every time a different person says something. You will start a new paragraph every time the subject of the paragraph changes.

Sixth, you need to make your chapters much, much longer. This is basically a single paragraph; a good chapter is several paragraphs long. Try harder.

Seventh, be descriptive of the environment. This whole chapter is basically dialogue.

Lastly, there aren't really many spelling errors in here except for the lack of apostrophes, so congrats on that. Also, when you are referring to a Pokemon, it would be considered a proper noun so capitalize the name of each Pokemon.

I know I probably seem harsh to you, but I'm only trying to help.
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Old 12-26-2006, 12:00 PM
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FireBrawl Latios Offline
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Default Re: PokeZap! the fiction where anything can happen! SEASON 1

Also, smilies are no-no in stories.
If you want to be friends with me, tell me why. Decent reason > unreadable reason = no reason → request denied.



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Old 12-26-2006, 04:21 PM
Kayden Javlaíakín's Avatar
Kayden Javlaíakín Offline
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Location: Joplin, MO, USA
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Default Re: PokeZap! the fiction where anything can happen! SEASON 1

It's like ever since my abscence, our fanfiction board has gone down the drain. . . :/

The Good: Well, there's really not much to sy in this, no offense to you. The thing I DO like, however, is the simplicity of the plotline. It's easy to follow--despite the many grammatical errors--and it was original. It wasn't one of those "Save the World" or "The Trainer's Journey" fics; it was something different, and so I compliment you upon that.

The Bad: Please, please, for the sake of cheese--use spell check! You should know how to use it, and if you don't--learn. Not trying to act malicous, but please. Remember what I said about the original plot? Well, it dosen't really shine through if it's way is blocked by a multitude of mispellings. Also, try to use more flavorful words bymeans of MS Word's thesarus. If you use the same exact contexts over and over again, the story will become overly dull.

About the smilie thing--have you read the fanfiction rules? Because they say, if you DID read them, but that's not happening enough lately--don't use them. There are far better ways to explain your character's emotions. I see using smilies in a fic just as a bad excuse to get out of describing your character's feelings.

Like I said, the plot's simplicity is good. But you really need to improve on mechanics. I look forward to this getting better. ;)

yeah yeah yeah

Last edited by Kayden Javlaíakín; 12-26-2006 at 04:24 PM.
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