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Go Back   Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000 » Pokemon RPG's » Pokemon Ultra RPG » Stories

Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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  #1  
Old 12-18-2006, 12:29 AM
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Default A Septic Source

A thin young woman walked up the almost emptied street. It was Christmas Eve, and New York City was already asleep, snuggled up in its warm bed. The woman, Lisa, was not. She was caught up late at work and forced to brave the cold frigged night to go pick up some flowers for her husband. She worked open the heavy door to the flower shop. She walked in, closed the door and let her frozen lungs be soothed by the warm air. She walked right over to the “Christmas Plants” section. She wanted to get a poinsettia for her husband. It was his favorite flower, and she didn’t want to arrive late to Christmas with nothing in hand. Looking around, she saw one poinsettia, and a scraggly little one at that. Well, I have to take what I can get. After all, all the other shops are closed. I mean it’s Christmas Eve for heaven’s sake. I was lucky to find a Jewish owned shop so close to my work. She picked up the plant and walked up to the cashier. It was a burly woman, and she smelt like dead fish. Not to mention she was also covered in dirt. Despite the woman’s appearance, a heavenly sweet voice came from her lips. “Will that be all?”

“Yes,” Lisa answered a little too quickly and a little too harshly.

“That’ll be six dollars, and sixty-six cents. Hmm, isn’t that strange, on Christmas Eve of all days. Any who, my name is Silvia.”

“Yes, strange.” Lisa slapped a ten dollar bill in the woman’s hand, and quickly executed a retreat to cold darkness of the street.

“Don’t you want your change?” Silvia asked.

Lisa rushed outside. “Merry Christmas Silvia.”

“Thanks”, Silvia responded, but Lisa wasn’t listening anymore.

Lisa walked into the orange glow of the streetlights. She raised her arm up in the attempt to hale a cab. She lowered it when she realized there were very few cabs on the street. The ones that were on the street were already packed with shoppers, and their last minute purchases.

Discouraged, she walked to the left figuring she could find a taxi in the main part of town. As she walked by the alley next to the shop, she heard a faint humming. Curious as a cat, she scurried over to investigate. She walked by the small back door of the flower shop. It was alone except for a solitary blue tinted light to the left of it. She walked through the damp grimy alley until she came across a half open sewer manhole. It seemed to be the source of the humming. It looked so dirty, but she was so curious. Well always was a tomboy. She remembered all the fun she had had making mud pies. This is why my dad didn’t what me to move to New York. I am so going to get raped or murdered, well whatever.

She opened it the rest of the way. There was a ladder to help her down. Oh no, the poinsettia! Where can I leave it? She decided it would be best just to bring it down, despite the trouble of having to carry it. She slowly climbed down, holding the poinsettia with one hand and the ladder with the other. It smelt so badly in the sewer. It was like an outhouse but concentrated. She didn’t even want to look at the sewage water. She listened intently for which way the humming was coming from. She decided it was coming from the left. She started to walk on but heard voices coming from the alley above. Afraid of who they would be she didn’t even stick around to listen. She sprinted away faster then a cheetah running for its prey. She ran through the ten-year layer of grime and started to feel a sharp pain in her side. She didn’t know where she was going, but she kept of running. She didn’t even know why she was running. It must be all those stories my dad told me about this city. Whatever the case, something told her to run.

After a while the pain in her side and dryness in her throat forced her to stop. She realized she wasn’t holding the poinsettia anymore. Damn it, I must have drop it in the confusion. She was too tired to move but couldn’t stop because there wasn’t any clean place to sit down, and so she trudged on.

As she walked she noticed the pipes on the right wall, across the river, would sprayed slime into the stream every now and then. She noticed one didn’t seem to spray at all. There were bridges that would allow her to get over the stream. From there she could walk on the small ledge under the pipes to check it out. There was one about ten paces back. So she decided to go try and walk over to the other side.

She walked back and over the concrete bridge. She made her way to the blocked pipe. Very gracefully, she dodge the spewing pipes, while at the same time barely hanging on to the small ledge.

Reaching the pipe she could almost hear her dad. "Curiosity killed the cat". And sure enough, it did. She stuck her eye right in the end of the pipe to see what was in it. She only saw a flashed of orange before an explosive force hit her. Sewage spewed out of the pipe spraying her in the face. She fell back into the huge sewage steam. She felt something fall with her. She looked at the object only to see the region’s common orange fish, Magikarp.

Poor little guy, you’ll die swimming in all this toxic waste. Not wanting to leave it to die, Lisa decided to battle it. She threw a red and white colored ball into the air. At the peak of its trajectory it burst open. A red light cascaded out of it. The light poured onto the ground and gathered together. It slowly took shape. Lisa could see it developing depth. The light started to fade, and when it was gone a small blue turtle was left in its place.

"Squirtle!" It squawked at her.

"Squirtle, quickly, use Bubble on Magikarp."

The Squirtle spun around, creating a wave of sludge as it went. It hadn't even realized that Magikarp was there until just then. "Squirt", it said as it opened its mouth. For a second, it looked like it was going to puke, but then a stream of bubbles burst from its throat, out of its mouth, and straight at Magikarp.

The Magikarp, stunned by the ordeal, suddenly start to violently flail around in the water. "Karp, Karp, Karp", it squeak in its violent rage. Squirtle withdrew into its shell to guard from the fish, that had just slapped him in the face.

Oh, yucky, I’m getting out of this splash fest. She climbed up the ledge, slipping only once, due to the slime on her shoe. Good, I can see better from up here, and I won’t get even more dirty. She looking at the violently splashing fish. It looks angry, very angry. Well, I would be to if I was stuck in a pipe, and then attacked right after being freed. The fish started to glow in its anger. The whole room was illuminated by its fury. My God, It’s evolving

“Quick, You have to end this now!” She yelled at Squirtle. “Used a Rapid Spin!”

The turtle, still in its shell, poked out for a little bit. It gave itself a strong push before returning to the safety of its armor. I started to spin, and slowly it gained speed. The water around it began to spin with it. The Magikarp was pulled into the now full ledged whirlpool. The Magikarp was so stunned that its rage died down. It was helplessly caught in the whirlpool's grasp. Magikarp was pulled into Squirtle, and then be bounced a little out of the whirlpool. It wouldn’t be released, just sucked back in, where the process would repeat itself. Suddenly, the whirlpool slowed down. Magikarp was knocked out in the water, and Squirtle popped out of it shell dazed.

“Good Job, Squirtle. Return, and take a rest to recover your balance.”

Lisa held the ball into the air. A familiar red light shot at Squirtle. He lost his depth and form as the red beam pulled him back in the ball. Lisa clicked the white dial on its side, and it was reduced to a size a little smaller then a ping-pong ball. She put it in her purse, and produced another one. Already full-size, she threw it at the dazed Magikarp. The ball split open at the joining of the red and white halves, and the Magikarp glowed red. It lost its from and depth in the same fashion as Squirtle. The light pooled inside the ball and the ball resealed with a click. The white dial began to flash red, and the ball, commonly known as a Poké Ball, began to jerk. It jerk once to the right, created ripples in the sludge. It jerked again to the left, the dial flashing. Finally, it jerked back to right again, coming to a stop.
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Last edited by Teddi; 12-20-2006 at 02:42 AM.
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  #2  
Old 12-19-2006, 09:58 PM
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Default Re: A Septic Source

Story: Quite simple, it actually seems. Lady Lisa, who is already spoken for, arrives one evening at a flower shop to purchase her husband's favorite flower. She is in a rather hurry thanks to her work, and unfortunately, she seemingly can't really get home for in a short time because of the occupied cabs that are zooming through the streets. She decides to talk the way of the walkers, and enters the sewer through a manhole in the grounds of an alley. Meanwhile in the midst of exploring the vast lines of the sewage system for the way out to her house, she notices a pipe that's rather different from the others. Probably assuming that it's blocked, she peers into it. To her surprise, sewage water gushed out at her face, making her jump back. Again with another surprise, she finds a Magikarp that was trapped in the underground maze of disgusting filfth. She decides to capture it. Woop-ti-dooh.

Grammar/Spelling: Excellent. Even though there were some lines that I could hardly understand, I found almost of all this completely excellent. You ace this part.

~ A ~

Detail/Description: Perfection. I hardly saw anything that need description, but the way you detailed and described everything, I felt like I was Lisa herself. O.O God thank I am not.

Length: Although Magikarp is categorized as an "Easiest" Pokemon, commonly taking at least 3 to 5k's worth of characters, I'll let you skip this part. Your Grammar/Spelling and Detail/Description covered this part by a long shot.

Battle: Here's the part of your story which I'm not completely happy with. While your Story, Grammar/Spelling, and Detail/Description were very good, there's supposedly no reason to be able to catch a Magikarp without a battle first. While the reasons, such as Lisa feeling already so sorry for the Magikarp because it had to endure being toxicated by the waste of us humans (Ho ho, and believe me, that would be quite unbearable enough.), the Magikarp is also a wild Pokemon. Even weakened wild Pokemon don't very have the sole ideal and heart of actually letting themselves get caught, let alone being owned by a superior race.

Outcome: Magikarp not captured. Sorry, but I'd like to see a little more battling in a kind of story like this. Don't get me wrong. I think it's very nice of Lisa to spare a Magikarp of its misery by capturing it, and nursing it back to health, but Magikarp can still be considered hostile as a wild Pokemon. And if I recall, all wild Pokemon won't give a crap for anybody coming up to them, feeling sorry for them, and finally deciding to make them theirs.

If you would like, you can edit in a small battle of sorts in your first chapter, and I can regrade it. :3

Any grader can come along and regrade this to correct me if I'm wrong.
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  #3  
Old 12-20-2006, 02:37 AM
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Default Re: A Septic Source

Hehe, good to hear that there's an actual battle. Although it wasn't really a seemingly full set battle, the story and conditions of the Magikarp can already suffice enough for it. I guess I would be weak if I was stuck in disgusting, yucky muck for quite sometime, especially if I had to breathe in that for air. O.O

Anyhow, Magikarp captured.

Good to hear it, too, Teddi. Hope you have fun with your little orange fish.
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  #4  
Old 12-20-2006, 02:44 AM
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Default Re: A Septic Source

Thanks ChronoPika, Finally.

Reserved for next part.
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