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Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #1  
Old 12-14-2006, 02:44 PM
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Default The Long & Winding Road

O.K. guys here's my first shot at some fan fiction. Sorry about the story line but I've wanted to write this for quite some time but just never got round to it so here goes. Please be nice when commenting and constructive criticism is welcome as long as you say something good as well, hope you like it!!!

CHAPTER 1

"Kari, Kari, come quickly its hatching!"

Kari ran to the table as fast as her legs could carry her, she had been waiting for this moment for days and now it had finally come. She could not contain her excitement as she watched the little egg begin to sway from side to side and slowly but surely start to crack.
Very soon she could see a pair of large blue ears protruding from the top of the egg.

This made her remember back to the day when her parents told her that the day she got her first pokemon would be the day that she could leave Pacifidlog Town and begin her journey as a pokemon trainer and travel the region of Hoen. That was also the day when Kari stood on the jetty waving goodbye as her older sister Tara boarded a ship to Slateport to begin her journey. Kari was heartbroken that day, she not only lost her sister but also her best friend but she always remembered the promise that Tara had made. One day they would meet again after Kari had become a trainer and they would have a pokemon battle of their very own, now that day had finally come.

Soon all that remained of the egg was some scattered shell and Kari was staring face to face with a real-life azurill. The tiny polka-dot like pokemon jumped straight into Kari's arms and immediately warmed to her.
Her parents were slightly startled, after all every trainer who had ever left Pacifidlog had always started out with a corsola; it was a long standing tradition that had lasted hundreds of years. For their childs thirteenth birthday every set of parents would collect an egg from the corsola colony that the town was built upon, just under the surface. The parents would then give the child the egg on the day in the hope that with a bit of love and care it would hatch into a beautiful corsola and they could begin a journey of their very own with the corsola in toe. Obviously you could imagine the expression on Kari's parent’s faces as they watched their daughter hold in her arms not a corsola but the baby azurill.

Kari stood there smothering the azurill with hugs and kisses.

"This pokemon is way better than a corsola, thanks guys!"

Her mother seemed to be one over and after a little while the expression changed on her face to one of fondness.

"I suppose it is rather cute." she said while admiring the little pokemon's ball like tail.

Her father however was not so won over. He stood slouched in the corner looking across the room, eyes glazed over.

"You won't last a second out there with a pokemon like that," he blurted out, "come on Kari we can still get a corsola egg if you hurry up, put that thing down and come with me!"

"Dad!" She exclaimed. "I can't just leave azurill, he's my pokemon now and my responsibility!"

This made her Dad very angry. "Don't answer back Kari now come on you don't have a choice it's a corsola or nothing!"

At this point her Mum joined in. "Rich now I don't think it's fair on the poor pokemon look at it and how much it's warmed to Kari already in such a small space of time. Besides I think Kari can have what ever pokemon she wants after after all it has nothing to do with us and like she said it is her responsibility."

This comment pretty much silenced her Dad.

Kari’s mother went on. “O.K. Kari it’s getting late and you have to get up early tomorrow to pack your things; you’ve got a long and tiring day ahead of you.”

“O.K. Mum,” Kari said, “Goodnight.” she said while lifting herself up onto her tiptoes to give her mum a kiss on the cheek. “Goodnight Dad and thanks again.” Her Dad was now sat in the chair across the room with his arms folded. She walked over and did the same as before only this time she didn’t have to stand on tiptoes.
Without Kari took herself upstairs, azurill still clung tightly to her chest. She hadn’t realised but actually she was quite tired. Getting into her room she closed her door behind her and placed azurill down gently on the bed before giving out a huge yawn.

“Are you tired azurill?” she said sleepily. Azurill nodded gently and did the same as Kari giving out a little yawn.
“O.K. then.” She pulled the covers back and got into the bed along with azurill and went straight to sleep without changing and without packing her backpack.
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  #2  
Old 12-14-2006, 03:00 PM
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Default Re: The Long & Winding Road

Very nice first chapter. Just a few things...

I would consider capitalizing the word "Pokemon." It is a proper name after all. Other than that, just a few commas missing and one or two spelling mistakes here and there, but its nothing too drastic. As for description, it's very well done and definitely captures the reader.

Also nice way to open up a story as well. Kari starts on a different track than most trainers Pacifidlog Town with a Azurill instead of a Corsola. Also, I like the location as well, I don't think anyone's really done much with Pacifidlog Town in a fan fiction before.

Considering this is your first shot at fan fiction, I can see quite a lot of success coming your way. Keep at it, you've got the potential to become a great author.
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  #3  
Old 12-14-2006, 08:16 PM
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Default Re: The Long & Winding Road

forgive me but why does everyone post so generically? I saw a fan fic over on another forum that was EXACTLY like this, the fan fic bored me. they borrowed to heavely from the games. It will be good if you go off from the stupid path of the games and actually put some originality in it. Thats not flaming. thats called constructive critisism. I'm tired of everyone lieing to everyone just because they are afraid to hurt someone's feelings.
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Old 12-14-2006, 10:19 PM
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Default Re: The Long & Winding Road

Quote:
Originally Posted by Krackerjack View Post
forgive me but why does everyone post so generically? I saw a fan fic over on another forum that was EXACTLY like this, the fan fic bored me. they borrowed to heavely from the games. It will be good if you go off from the stupid path of the games and actually put some originality in it. Thats not flaming. thats called constructive critisism. I'm tired of everyone lieing to everyone just because they are afraid to hurt someone's feelings.
I wouldn't make that kind of assumption just from the first chapter. Trust me, I've seen fics that may start like they're from the games, but end up being something completely different...
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Old 12-14-2006, 11:36 PM
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Default Re: The Long & Winding Road

Quote:
Originally Posted by Krackerjack View Post
forgive me but why does everyone post so generically? I saw a fan fic over on another forum that was EXACTLY like this, the fan fic bored me. they borrowed to heavely from the games. It will be good if you go off from the stupid path of the games and actually put some originality in it. Thats not flaming. thats called constructive critisism. I'm tired of everyone lieing to everyone just because they are afraid to hurt someone's feelings.
*coughs and prods in the direction of over half the fics on the board*

I recommend Neo Pikachu's The Trials of Juno, if you are looking for something un-generic. Although practically all of the fics here are ungeneric - I myself have never written a Generic one. I don't like following the games, and I hate the show... XD

On the story: Pretty good! It looks to be off to a good start! Keep up the good work. =D
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  #6  
Old 12-21-2006, 01:23 PM
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Default Re: The Long & Winding Road

Here's the second chapter, hope you like it. The story hasn't really taken off yet, this is just the beginning so please forgive me if it's just a tiny bit boring.

CHAPTER 2

The sound was deafening as a stadium filled to the brim with die-hard fans cheered on as the judges announced the next trainer to the arena.

“And now the challenger from Pacifidlog Town, Kari Tomi!”

Kari entered the arena wearing a beautiful, long pink dress and waving to all her adoring fans. She stood in position facing opposite the opposing trainer.

“Let the match begin!”

The other trainer made the first move sending out his first and only Pokemon, a mightyena.
Kari did exactly the same, taking out a pink pokeball with heart shaped on the top.

“Azurill go!”

She through the ball into the centre and the crowd watched in aw as out popped her loyal companion. The other trainer gave the first orders telling his mightyena to use take down. The dark Pokemon charged towards azurill looking certain to perform a direct hit.

“Azurill jump up!”

Azurill did as he was told, jumping up into the air and sending the mightyena smashing into the side of the arena.

“Now azurill, use water gun!”

Azurill shot out a gush of water while still in mid-air, the mightyena was able to rise from its previous collision but wasn’t quick enough to avoid the attack, it was again knocked over by the sheer power of the attack but was able to rise once again.

“O.K. azurill lets finish this off, use slam!”

Azurill floated back down to the ground and readied itself for its final attack. Charinging at full speed at the firm standing mightyena it performed a huge leap before smashing into the side of its foe and sending it out for the count.

“Mightyena is unable to battle, azurill and Kari Tomi from Pacifidlog are the winners!”

Azurill ran towards Kari and jumped into her arms.

“Yes azurill, we did it!” She said shouting over the huge noise that the crowd was making.

“Kari, Kari, wake up Kari!”

Kari opened her eyes to see her mother standing over her.

“Come on Kari hurry up or you’ll be late!” Her mum exclaimed. “I’ll be downstairs.” She said while turning and leaving the room.

Kari turned over and took a quick glance at her bedside clock. The boat left in fifteen minutes! She sprang out of bed and rushed over to her wardrobe. What to wear she thought to herself, but then again on second thoughts she didn’t have time to be choosey. She grabbed the first few items of clothing she could see and threw them on. Then grabbing azurill she made a bolt for the door and downstairs. There was no time for any breakfast, so when Kari got downstairs she made straight for the front door. She reached for the door handle but was stopped in her tracks by her mum.

“Kari, are you going to go without saying goodbye?” She said sounding disappointed.

“Mum!” Kari whined. “I can’t, I’m already really late!”

“Well wait”. Her mum said. “Before you go I have one thing for you.”

She reached into her pocket and took out a long silver necklace. She then took Kari and placed it around her neck. Kari took a few moments to admire the necklace and then looked up at her mum, her eyes welling up with tears as she collapsed into her arms.

“Thanks mum.” She said gratefully and sniveling slightly.
“Now that necklace has been in our family for a long time so you take care of it Kari.” Her mum said after finally loosening the grip of the hug. Kari took a quick look at her watch, woops!!!

“Don’t worry mum, I will. O.K. azurill its time we got going.” She said frantically.

Bending down she picked up her Pokemon from the floor and made for the door yanking it open and sprinting out and towards the jeti from which the boat was due to leave. Her mum stood in the doorway waving her last goodbyes and her last child away.

“O.K. everybody’s on, let’s go!” The sailor shouted as he began to gangway away and board the ship himself.

“WAIT, WAIT!” Kari shouted running up to the man panting. “Look I have a ticket!”

“You’re lucky.” The sailor said. “We were just about to leave without you.”

Kari made her way up relived to have finally made it on time. She stood at the side of the deck up against the rails with azurill and watched the sailor pull away the gangway and then quickly jump aboard himself before the ship could get too far away. She looked on as they pulled away from Pacifidlog and her little town slowly became even smaller till it was just a little blip on the horizon.

“Well azurill, it’s just you and me now.” She said while whipping away a small tear away from the corner of her eye.

Last edited by Azumarill_056; 12-21-2006 at 03:29 PM.
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  #7  
Old 12-21-2006, 10:07 PM
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Default Re: The Long & Winding Road

O.K. here is chap. 3 guys did it together with 2 but they were so long had to split them up.

CHAPTER 3

A strong wind was blowing as Kari watched a flock of wingull and a lone pelipper fly by. She watched as one desperately straight to stay a-flight before helplessly dropping down into the water only to resurface a few moments later and rejoin its piers.
For the first time on the trip Kari took her eyes off the water and turned her attention to a battle that was taking place just along the front of the deck. A male trainer, about her age was facing off against the sailor who had let her onto the ship. She and azurill gazed on as the trainers two Pokemon, a volbeat and a machop respectively, launched attack after attack.

“Maybe someday we could be like that, huh azurill?” She said looking down into her folded arms where her Pokemon sat attentively.

She continued to watch gripped in the action of such a close match. Finally the boy’s volbeat dodged an attempted low kick form the machop before dishing out an attack of its own, a powerful signal beam right into the chest of the machop to send it hurling to the deck. The sailor seemed incredibly surprised, standing dumbstruck, mouth open and rooted to the spot.

Now the excitement was over Kari turned her attention back to the ocean. Not far ahead she could she land. For the first time in her life she would be setting foot on soil not belonging to Pacifidlog, not that Pacifidlog had any soil being built on a corsola colony. Just then she felt a hand touch her shoulder.

“Beautiful isn’t it?”

She turned her head sharply to see that the voice and hand were those of the boy who had just been battling not a minute ago. From up close she could also see that he wasn’t in fact that bad looking, quite the opposite in fact.

Kari blushed and found herself lost for words. “Oh um....... the ocean yeah really beautiful, yeah.”

“I’m Zac,” he proclaimed extending a hand out, “and this hear is torchic.”


He pointed to the little chick Pokemon perched on his shoulder. The pokemon chirped brightly and copied its owner extending a hand, or claw as the case may be, of its own.

Kari politely shook one after the over and introduced herself. “Well I’m Kari and this is azurill.”

“So,” Zac started, “Why you heading for Slateport?”

The two immediately got into deep conversation. Kari explained all how she had just become a trainer with azurill and was going to challenge gyms and win badges to compete in the Hoen league and all about her sister who was already a trainer and probably at this very moment engaged in a battle somewhere.
If you hadn’t guessed already Zac was also a trainer and was just returning to Slateport, his hometown, after competing himself in the Hoen league.

“Really!” Kari blurted out in mid-conversation. “Where did you come?” She asked enthusiastically.

Zac sighed “Um, not to good. A didn’t make it past the first round; I came up against a really tough trainer.”

“Oh.” Kari sounded slightly disappointed. “Well there’s always room for improvement!” She said in an optimistic tone.

“Yeah I guess so.”

The last segment of the journey passed by very quickly and in no time at all the boat had docked in the famous port town of Slateport. The two of them descended from the boat together and looked on at the wonderful bustling streets and market. Kari was amazed she had never imagined a place like this before, it was all so was busier and noisier than Pacifidlog.

“Come on Torchic lets check out the market, see if anything has changed.” Zac said eagerly ready to run off.

“Wait.” Kari cried out. Zac quickly turned to face her. “Me and azurill don’t know our way around, we’d get lost. Would you mind if we came with you?” Kari seemed very bashful at this point not knowing at all how Zac would react.

“Sure.” He laughed. “Come on my Dad runs a stall not far from hear I’ll introduce you to him. Kari let out a sigh of relief and ran up to follow Zac from behind. Her arms were slightly tired by this stage from carrying azurill all day and she wondered to herself if she’d ever be able to put him down.

After a good five minutes of navigating through the thick crowds the two of them finally made it to the stalls of the market.

“Well we’re here,” Zac said excitedly. “, hi dad!”

A rather large and cheerful man looked up from behind his stall of many, many vegetables and gave out a huge look of joy.

“Zac, my boy! You’re back!” He shouted while running out from behind his stall and grabbing his son tightly in his arms. “It’s been such a long time since I saw you last, I saw you’re match on the TV. son, unlucky but you couldn’t have tried any harder.”

“Thanks dad, anyway I’d like you to meet K…” Zac was stopped in mid sentence.

“Ahhh. And this must be you’re girlfriend.” His Dad blurted out.

“You got a good steal there son, she’s a real looker.” He whispered in Zac’s ear.

“DAD!!!” Zac cried out. “This is Kari we just met on the boat.”

“Hi, nice to meet you and this is azurill” She said while raising a hand and laughing quietly to herself.

“Oh well guess there’s always the future.” His Dad chuckled to himself.

“DAD!!!!!!” Zac’s face had turned a bright shade of red.

“Well nice to meet you Kari and you azurill, you can call me Mr. Dale from now on.”
He stretched out his large arms and fully engulfed Kari into his chest, crushing poor azurill in the process.

“Hey, I’ve got a great idea!” Zac seemed really enthusiastic whatever the idea was. “Kari have you and azurill got anywhere to stay tonight?”

“Well I guess we were just goning to find a hotel or maybe crash at the Pokemon Centre.”

He seemed even more enthusiastic now. “Well why don’t you stay at ours tonight?”

“Yeah that’s a great idea,” Mr. Dale joined in, “A bit of home cooking is what you need girl. Look at you, you’re wasting away darling.”

“Well I guess that would be alright and azurill seems O.K. with it.” The tiny pokemon bounced up and down in her arms excitedly.

“Well it’s settled then.” Mr. Dale proclaimed. “Zac, you take Kari off for a bit of sight seeing and I’ll pack up hear and meet you back at the house later.”

“O.K. Dad will do. Come on Kari Slateport’s a big place.”

"O.K. Zac, bye Mr. Dale see you later."

And with that the two of them and their two pokemon, torchic and azurill, went off into town.
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