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Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #1  
Old 12-10-2006, 10:12 AM
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zigzangoose Offline
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Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Stalking persicuno...
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Default Zigzangoose's long saga

Ok. I am going to tell you first. Dont be too hard on the crits please? I ended up leaving the forum I last posted due to it. So... dont be too mean!
Part One!
This is a fanfic bout mine and my friends pokesonas. Its got a bit of swearing in it, so be careful.
Notes: I dont own pokemon. You should all know what most pokemon look like, as I base the discriptions off them. And, please, dont say its rubbish and not say why. I hate that. And, its short, cuz I want it that way. Oh, and it is a bit like my life, the start, anyway. Map of the lands in this fanfic.
***************************
It was a normal day for Pikeevee. The trees where rustling, her cave was a mess. She happily skipped around in the flowers. This was it. The day. Growleevee had a surprise for her. He said he would be back with it soon enough. Pikeevee was so happy. Growleevee was the pokemon for her, or at least she thought that. He was a orange Growlithe with a mane of yellow fur. She was a yellow eevee with two pikachu ears. She skipped along, and then she saw him. She froze with horror. He was kissing her secret arch nemesis, the Slutty jigglypoof. A normal jigglypuff, with lipstick and makeup and all sorts of chemicals on her body, kissing him. Pikeevee yelled “what the hell are you doing? Growleevee! You loved me… didn’t you?”


The Growithe hybrid took out a gun. “No. You *****. Your entire fault. Haha” With that, the Growithe hybrid shot a strange laser from the gun. Pain, and terror gripped the small pikachu hybrid, as she felt herself split in two. And then, it was over. All that was left where two new beings. A zangoose, with a racoon mask on her face, and a lonely, sad, grey pikeevee. The zangoose ran off, to be included in the story later. But for now, we turn towards grey pikeevee.


Her ears drooped, her heart broken in two, her soul practically split up, she turned towards the evil hybrid, and weekly, she asked one question, “Why? I loved you…”


“Your fault. You never cared, you where the one who caused this.” Was the evil hybrids nasty reply, which wasn’t true at all. Pikeevee was always there for him. Singing his demons away, caring for him. Pining for him to bind the two together. It never came. Growleevee always ignored her, pushed her aside. The Growlithe hopped off, with the Slutty Jigglypoof following. Cyndapix hopped over, and looked at pikeevee, who was slumped on the grass, feeling betrayed and lost.


“Hello? Pikeevee?” The small brown fox with flames on her back, asked.
“I don’t know anyone, I am on the mists of dread and despair…” The small mouse-fox thing muttered.
“I don’t know you, don’t I?”


And, now, we turn to zigzangoose’s part of the story. Well, she ran, and ran, and ran. To the endless rock area that is called, funnily enough, rocky plains. This place is filled with brown rocks, and some crystals. It was then that our little furry friend was going to run into some trouble. Now, there is another fact about this plain. It was filled to the brim with monsters with sharp teeth and even sharper claws/ scythes. Not the place to run to after a break-up with someone. Anyway, our little friend was sobbing her heart out, and just crawling on the dusty land. And, behind her, hiding behind some rock, was the scariest thing you would have to face in those lands. A rhydon. Now, don’t go “Oh, lol a rhydon, how weak.” This was before diamond and pearl had come out, so there. Anyway, this rhydon was hungry, believe it or not. And as it sat on its fat little bottom and licked its lips, it got ready to attack by getting off its fat little bottom, and started bellowing. Now, the plains had been very quiet before then, so zigzangoose shot up like a spoink and started to run. She didn’t get very far until she felt herself being crushed under the great weight of this beast. She closed her eyes and prepared herself for the end, until she saw some thing. Or, someone. The most amazing this she had ever seen. It looked like an ordinary nidoking, only it looked less vicious, and had scythes (from a scyther) instead of arms, and a brilliant looking pair of wings, scyther wings.


Although in great pain, the little ball of fluff watched in awe as the great creature bellowed, and began to cut up the rhydon on top of zigzangoose. Blood splattered everywhere, but zigzangoose wasn’t too affected by it. When the rhydon collapsed and died, zigzangoose shook the strangers scythes happily. “Wow, thanks. You saved my life. What can I do in return, friend? And, what is your name? Mines zigzangoose.” She said.
“My name is Sytherking.” The creature said, “Oh, and nothing is needed. These places get filled by heart broken people looking for suicide.”
“Uh, but I wasn’t going to kill myself. I ran here by accident.”
“That’s what they all say…” He sighed.
“But you are right bout the heart broken thing. Anyway, I feel as if I owe you SOMETHING. Anything I can do, just ask.”
“All right. I need a new place to live. I am sick of being woken by the Murkrow, saying its gonna be my turn next.” He sighed again, looking at the barren sky.
“You can come with me. I remember something…a cave… yes, before I was separated from myself. This way.” She walked in the direction of the sun. And they walked.


Soon they ended up in the lush green forests of Foligren. And, it was dark. You could not even see the catapie crawling on your arm, or in Sytherkings case, scythes.
“Lets camp.” The reptile said, “I can cut, you can build.” And with that, his scythes rushed around crazily, cutting down trees. Zigzangoose wondered what to do next. She could not see the wood around her. Suddenly, a burst of light appeared in front of her, reviling her two old friends, Cyndapix, who we have mentioned, and Skitachu, a skitty with pikachu ears, cheeks and back stripes.
“Yep, its her.” Skitachu could see into people’s souls. “ Its her, or at least half of her.”
“Yay!” Cyndapix jumped in the air, “I knew something was up.”
“Hey!” Sytherking turned round and growled, “Who are these? Have you come to eat us?”
“No, no!” Zigzangoose explained, “These are my old friends.”
“Hehe, who’s the girlfriend?” Another voice was heard. Houndret, a furret who was black and wore a skull on her head popped out of some bushes, “Oh, Sytherking. Whos the girlfriend?”


“Uh, its me, the old pikeevee.” Zigzangoose sighed, “and he’s not my boyfriend.”
“Shame…” Houndret said, “You would be so great together.”
Zigzangoose and Sytherking both went a very deep shade of red.
“HOUNDRET!” Zigzangoose yelled, “Don’t ever tease me bout anything!” And with that, she ran round, looking for the perfect log to bash her friend’s head in with. While she was hunting, she ended up building a very crude shelter. And, she ran out of logs in the process.
“Damn.” Zigzangoose said, heading for her shelter. Sytherking entered as well.


Nothing unusual happened that night, in case you where wondering. But anyway, the two woke up and began their walk, with their friends, old and new following them. But with a person like Cyndapix, it is hard to enjoy a good walk.
“Are we there yet?” Cyndapix asked.
“No.” Sytherking and zigzangoose said.
They continued to walk for about 30 milliseconds, before Cyndapix asked, “Are we there yet?”
“NO!” Zigzangoose and Sytherking yelled.
This continued for many hours, which probably felt like a year for the rest of the group. Soon, the gang ended up in the Dark forest, where it was very good that Cyndapix was around, as it was always dark. But soon, they rested again.
This time, something happened.


Zigzangoose looked at the stars, feeling very sad. She sighed, and looked at the great shining moon. Why did she always feel unwanted? Was it the fact she acted loony when she was happy, or what? She heard a soft fluttering of wings, then a small thud as Sytherking came up to her.


“What’s up?” He said.
“Oh, nothing.” Zigzangoose tried to smile, but it drooped too soon.
“Look, I can tell there is something up. Tell me, I want to know.” He looked at her.
“ Well, I always feel alone now. After the splitting of me, I’ve been depressed. Apparently, that evil hybrid told his entire cronies bout his trick. They laughed behind my back, played with me as if I was nothing but a useless plaything.”
“They did? They are all bastards. Don’t believe them.”
“But, I don’t feel wanted. Unloved, I feel.”
“Well, I will always care, don’t worry about that.”
“Really?”
“Really. Look at these stars. When I‘m not here, look at them, and think of me.” He paused. Then he flew off. Zigzangoose looked back to the stars, and smiled.


The next day, was like the last one, only the crew ended up in yet, another forest (bet you didn’t see that coming!). It was called Anthroleaf forest that contained bug pokemon, like butterfree. Lots of butterfree.


“Wow, look at those butterfree.” Zigzangoose pointed at them.
“Pwetyfull” Houndret stated.
“Very nice.” Sytherking said.
“Poke” Cyndapix was too busy poking Skitachu to care, and Skitachu was too busy being poked to care, either. But, anyway, they walked through the forest, and looked at all the amazing pokemon, like scyther, (“Could have been my father” Sytherking said) Heracross (“Oooo…shiny horn!” Zigzangoose said), Shedinja (“Ghostly…” Houndret pointed out) and Beautifly (“Poke” Said Cyndapix). Afterwards, they ended up in, finally, Pikeevee’s old homeland. The entire colour of the land was gone, and all the trees where killed. The water was a muddy brown, and made a “floop” noise every now and then.


“My…my home….” Zigzangoose gasped. There where some noises heard, very nasty ones, in a bush. Zigzangoose ripped the bush out of its roots and saw the Growlithe hybrid and the Slutty Jigglypoof, colour also gone, performing one of the most nastiest, but essential, acts of love.
“Ew, no way!” Zigzangoose yelled.
“My eyes! My perfect eyes!” Sytherking yelled.
“Chavs.” Houndret muttered, talking about the Growlithe hybrid and his partner.
“Yuck! That’s distracted me from my poking!” Cyndapix yelled.
“Well, at least she’s not pokein…OH MY GOD!” Skitachu screamed.
“Excuse me, you are putting me off! No go away losers. I’m busy!”
“Is this the one?” Sytherking asked Zigzangoose.
“Yes.”
“Hey, I said… OH MY…AHHHH!” Was the last words heard from the evil hybrid. Using his ever so useful scythes, Sytherking chopped the head straight off the evil hybrids neck.
“That was for you, zigzag!” Sytherking roared in triumph, as the evil hybrid slumped on the greening grass, blood covering the ground.
“Why…thank you. You didn’t have to do that.”
“But I did. The bane of your existence hurts you. It hurts me too.”
“Huh… do you?” Sytherking nodded.
“Haha! I win! Knew all along!” Houndret said.
“Shut up.” Zigzangoose said playfully.
“Hey, here is an idea! Why don’t we all go on random adventures, and record them in this black book I found!” Cyndapix said happily.
“Alright.” Zigzangoose said.


And since then, the old homeland of Pikeevee, now called Utopi plains, has now been a land of peace and, of course, random adventures, which where recorded in the book and named, Zigzangoose and friends. The lands where so popular and happy, that every now and then, random people like lego princess Leia, would pop up to be part of these adventures.
__________________
Leaf.(lombre) Lv.100 @ 327 We will rock you. V

Last edited by zigzangoose; 12-11-2006 at 05:05 PM.
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  #2  
Old 12-10-2006, 11:21 AM
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Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Stalking persicuno...
Posts: 122
Default Re: Zigzangoose's long saga

Part2. Same rules as before.

I watch the moonlight sky, then turn to you. I have found you aren’t who I thought you where. You where my hero, but I’ve found you are the devil. Why do I hang with the very thing I want to destroy? You yawn, then settle down to sleep. My hand is shaking. I don’t know you anymore. It hurts me to see you, see you the way I do now. I saw what you did, the way you destroyed all I held dear, behind my back. I hate you, and love you. I don’t know what to do. I am lost. The only thing floating through my head are the words “revenge”. I hold the knife you gave me for my birthday in my hand, I see it gleam evilly. I hold it up, as if observing it. I can’t do this, but yet I must. I hold the knife over your sleeping self. I pause for a few minutes, then I remember. I drop the knife on the ground, away from you, and run, run towards the hills. Away from you.

Zigzangoose woke in a sweat, gasping for breath. Another bad dream. Why? Why do her dreams contain her killing someone, why? Out of the bushes, a little oddish jumped, saying, “what’s up? You are really starting to worry me.”
“Nothing.” The little ferracat muttered. Ever since Sytherking’s death, she had been dieing inside. She shook her head, “thanks for worrying” she spoke.
“No problem. I’m off to bother pikeevee, look after yourself, mate.” And with that, the oddish bounced off. Why had the oddish decided to go to starlight plains, she would never know. But anyway, enough of that. She went into her cave, and opened the cupboard that she and Sytherking made. Suddenly, she could remember his death. She fell on the floor, shaking as the memories flooded through her.
… Growleevee being resurrected… Sytherking fighting him in a duel… fire stone touching Growleevee… Growleevee evolving into Archeon… Flamethrower attack… sytherking’s wings singed off…Archeon grabbing him using his mouth… the great fall to his death… and the person who saved her… a strange black eevee…
“LIZZYYYY!!!” The very familiar voice was heard, “WHY DO YOU CRY, LIZZY?” Great. Pikashrew. He looked like a normal sandshrew, but with pikachu ears, and a lovely tail.
“Please leave me alone...”
“WHY DO YOU CRY?”
“LEAVE ME ALONE!” The zangoose hybrid slashed the air as a warning. The sandshrew hybrid jumped backwards.
“Alright, alright! I only wanted to check on you, that’s all.”
Zigzangoose hissed, then turned back to the cave to have her breakfast.
Breakfast was a nutella sandwich. Zigzangoose’s favourite. She chewed it slowly, savouring its nutty flavour. When she had finished, she put the plate in the magic washing machine, and threw the crusts in the bin.

Before she met Sytherking, a purple nidoking, with green scyther scythes and wings, she had been on the verge of heartbreak. Her soul had been split in two by her old crush, and she had fled to the rocky plains, where Sytherking lived. She was about to die when her hero saved her, and they went on a fun adventure with all of zigzangoose’s friends to win Utopi-plains back from the evil hybrids grasp.

Strangely and unfortunately, an old witch, the Slutty jigglypoof, had resurrected the Growlithe hybrid. With that happening, a war begun. Utopi-plains was snatched from zigzangoose’s grasp, and when she tried to fight, she ended up seeing the death of her loved one. And ever since, she had been living in starlight plains. Oddly, the oddish and his group moved in too “to keep you safe” the oddish had said. Starlight plains were an area of grass, where you could see the starts. It was a place where you could legally show your love for someone publicly, but not many people did. Except Fred the wartortle, but he died. She chose this place, because it reminded her less of Sytherking.
She cleaned up the brown rocky cave a bit, then turned to her computer. She put on some music and calmed down. Music was the only thing that would make her forget. She opened her eyes. On the floor was something Pikashrew dropped. It looked like a trozei beamer, but it was coloured with the colours of a rainbow. On it was a note:
Zigzag, we need your help. The Growlithe hybrid is taking over the other lands, one by one. Dark forest is cyndapix’s home and mine. Please, get out of retirement, for our sake at least. Please. Whos better, some dead person or your best friends?
Skitachu.
Zigzangoose held the beamer in her hand; it beeped and said, “welcome to the teleportation device. I am Tammy, your teleporter. Where would you like to go?”
Zigzangoose held her ds pen in her hand, and waited for the lists of places to appear. This was her old teleporter, a device that could transport her anywhere. Even in the human world, where she was called Liz, and nobody had died. Zigzangoose shook her head. She had been there once, not again. She chose Dark forest. The teleporter made a great flash of white, and zigzangoose felt she was moving down the biggest roller coaster. And then, she was there. Dark forest was, incidentally, a dark forest. A huge tree kept this place shaded, but plants still grew, pokemon still lived. The grass was a very dark green, and fungi and other things where dotted about. Suddenly, a horde of Growlithes swarmed the area, flaming everything in site. Then, she saw here dear friends. Skitachu, a skitty with pikachu ears, cheeks and a zigzagged tail, and Cyndapix, a vulpix with a muzzle and a flame on her back, and there was swellow too, an ordinary swellow. They where trying their best, but the Growlithes where too much. However, Cyndapix was having the time of her hyped up life.
“Poke.” She said, causing the Growlithe to die on the floor.
“Meow!” Skitachu sent an electric blast to 5 Growlithes, they all collapsed.
“Caw!!” Swellow was clawing the eyes out of several Growlithes.
“Hey, guys… I’ve made it.” Zigzangoose said.
“About bloody time!” Skitachu muttered, slapping some more Growlithes.
“Sir! We need more back up! Rodger!” Swellow spoke on her intercom.
“Poke” Cyndapix laughed, killing more evil hybrids.
“Cyndapix, why aren’t you using the dark force?” Zigzangoose asked.
“Oh, right.” Cyndapix closed her eyes, letting the Growlithes surround her. She opened her eyes; all you could see was blue of those eyes. Sparks of electricity crackled through her, and boulders fell from every direction, even upwards. 123432 Growlithes died due to that attack, squished by the boulders of doom.

“Lets get out of here.” The ferracat said, holding the teleportation device.
But then there was a rumble, and a giant helicopter was seen from high up. Zigzangoose’s white fur bristled. Him.
“Well, well, well.” Archeon was an arcanine, which was navy blue instead of red “You have come back, ferracat? Lets see what you are made of.”
“Here,” Zigzangoose tossed the device to Cyndapix, “GO! If I don’t survive…”
The arcanine stepped closer.
“Tell Pikashrew…”
Closer.
“He’s strange. And I wish he didn’t say my name like that, it fluffs me ears.”
“So…” Archeon licked his teeth, “You came back. Feeling suicidal? Because I killed your hope, your dreams, your dear Sytherking!” He lunged forward, biting the ferracat with his teeth. He shook zigzangoose as if she was a rag doll, again, and again, and again.
So, this is the end…Zigzangoose thought. After all this… fighting, it will all be for naught.
Through the darkness, two yellow eyes gleamed. An eevee, so black you could barely see him, leapt through the fungi, and lifted the Archeon in the air, using his psychic powers. In shock, the arcanine dropped zigzangoose, leaving her on the green floor, dazed and numb with pain. Zigzangoose could just make out the eevee using a hyper beam, before she slipped into unconsciousness.


“You ok?” The voice said. Zigzangoose opened her eyes. “Ah, good. You where singing Kate bush in your sleep. I was worried.”
“I’m ok. What was I singing?”
“Babooshka. Your fave when you where little.”
“What!” Zigzangoose leapt to her feet “How do you know that? Why are you protecting me?”
“I know this…” The eevee paused, “Because…I am your father.”
“Noooooo! Really?”
“Yes.”
“Ok, cool.” Zigzangoose yawned. “Ok, “dad”. I’m off.”
“ I won the battle.” The eevee said, then leapt off to the darkness.
“Dad!?”
“I must not stay.” And with that, he was gone.

The next day
I see you fight my enemy, I see you battling him and exhaustion. Suddenly, its too much. You fall; he burns your wings and pushes you off. Then turns to me, his fangs gleaming, wanting a meal. He lunges forward, I don’t care anymore, and now that you are gone now you are…

“LIZZY!”
“Will you **** off!” Zigzangoose this time clawed the Pikashrew in the face.
“Ow, I’m only trying to cheer you up, and this is what I get… meh…” He walked off.
“Man, I should learn to get rid of this depression.”
She looked in the fridge for something to eat. A morsel of cheese. Very strong cheese. She ate it, then got a glass of water. She blinked, then looked at the photo on the mantle piece. Her and Sytherking, before the death. Before this depression, before these bad dreams. She threw the photo in a drawer, then closed it. She needed to forget, she needed to move on. She needed to visit… Cyndapix.
“Poke.” Cyndapix poked the ferracat, “poke, and poke.”
“Ok,” Zigzangoose was getting a bit bored, “why don’t we do something else, yeah!
“No.” Cyndapix loved poking. “Poke, poke, poke”
Hours later
“Ok.” Zigzangoose said calmly, “I think we have had enough poking. Lets go do something else. Like…um…. Roller coasters?
“Why didn’t you say so!” Cyndapix randomly skipped around, and did the side skip thing she does in real life.
They spent ages in the theme park that came from nowhere. It had lots of roller coasters, including the one from final destination 3, but no one was on it. Which was sad, because it was a very friendly little fellow, and the deaths where not its fault.
They had candyfloss, and candy chairs and candy apples and candy Kate Bushes and candy cats and even the rarest, hard to find thing to eat, candy candy.
Soon, zigzangoose had to go home. The dark cold place that was once a place of sanctuary, a proper home. So, she sat down in her cave and watched Ed Edd and Eddy for the rest of the night.

Next day.
I see you, dancing in the wind, I adore you, and yet you do not know that. I know you feel the same, but I am still scared to tell you. Suddenly, a vacuum cleaner came out of nowhere. You vanish, gone. A ghost. Ghost is your name. And I whisper the words, as if one day, you will return. But you wont, ever.

“Lizz…”
“Go. A. Way!
“Oh, man…”
“You are like my alarm clock!”
“I am, look” Pikashrew poked a badge on his hard shell. The words “annoying alarm clock” where put on it.
“Right.” Zigzangoose walked off.
“Note” Pikashrew handed her another note.
“Not another war.”
“Yes, this time Houndret needs help. Bring your friends to it.”
“Hey, what bout you?”
“Um…I have…uh… Idontwanttoitus…see you!”

Claw! Thump! Claw! Thump! Growlithes and eevees fell. Zigzangoose stopped. A voice in her head spoke, Why the fighting? Why the hate? Why the killing? Find me in the Rocky plains.


The Rocky plains were a nasty and dangerous place, filled to the brim with evil monsters. It was a desert plain, with rocks and crystals, and the odd volcano.
Zigzangoose treaded carefully through the rocks and stones, looking around, wondering if it was a trap. It was too late now. Whatever it was was going to meet her, for better or worse. Suddenly, a cry was heard. The lugia song, a legendary song of peace and harmony, a song of hope. Zigzangoose turned, the great white water beast flapping his noble wings, blinking his eyes positioned in the wedge shaped things by his head.
You came, thinking of trap. Such things have this war done. You need to free yourself of these thoughts. To help, I will join you spiritually. The evil hybrid will capture me and use me for wrong is I am spotted.
With that, Lugia vanished.
I am inside you. I have handed the keys of power to you. Don’t use them against any but the evil hybrid.

The war had messed up the once peaceful lands. All plains looked ripped apart. Zigzangoose looked up. This is what she must do, it was known now.
She leapt into the grey castle in the Utopi-plains. It was dark, but then light flashed from her. Ok, flash hm. What else do you know, I wonder? Zigzangoose thought to herself.
She walked up a tiring set of stairs, and then “the throne room” was found.
That jerk is so big headed.
Be careful ferracat. I am not as strong as they say.
Darn.
She opened the door. Archeon stood there.
“Hehehe.” He said. “Come for more?”
“With pleasure.” Zigzangoose crossed her arms, then closed her eyes. A purple aurora surrounded her, getting thicker by the second. Her eyes opened, yellow light blasted out, covering the evil hybrid with yellow. There where a few explosions.
The light cleared. He was still standing.
“Roar!” He bit into her leg again. A bite was shown on his leg, and he yowled. He attacked, again and again, hurting himself as well. Soon he and the ferracat collapsed, close to death. All that zigzangoose saw was black.

“Hello? Zigzangoose?” Voices where heard.
“Zigzangoose!”
“Its no good. She sacrificed herself to save us all, sniff”
“Hey, let me try… LIZZY!!!”
Zigzangoose flickered to life, her claws on Pikashrew’s neck.
“Shut up!” She threw him, gently, to the floor.
“Zigzangoose!” Skitachu, Swellow, and Cyndapix shouted at the same time. “You won! He died. We cremated him to make sure. Hehe.”
“Wow. Who found me?” Zigzangoose said.
“I did.” The eevee was back.
“Dad? Why do you keep saving me!”
“Uh… I am your father. I’m supposed to.”
“Ok.”
And, so yet again, the lands where at peace. But you never know what would happen next… so… it can’t be a happy ending much. Oh well.
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  #3  
Old 12-10-2006, 11:29 AM
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Default Re: Zigzangoose's long saga

Part 3
Zigzangoose got up from the ground, and looked to the starry sky of starlight plains. It had been years since she had seen her hero’s face, Sytherking. She sighed, and looked at the stars. This sometimes made her happier, but now it was making her sad. She heard a fluttering of wings, and then quickly turned around, expecting the nidoking with Scyther wings to float down towards her. Instead, she saw a flock of wild pidgey fly in a circle in the sky. She wept sad tears, and then turned towards her cave. The cave she chose to escape from this sadness, but it made her very sad anyway. She got a nuttela sandwich, and then lay on the cold hard floor in her cave. There was no bed there, as she could not be bothered to make one. Except for that, the small looking cave had a brown TV, a dishwasher that shone a great silver colour, a laptop computer, and the cupboard Sytherking had made her. The flash back came to her instantly...
]"Happy birthday, zigzag!" Sytherking took the sheet off the strange hidden lump. A great brown cupboard was reviled, with sketches of Sytherking and Zigzangoose all around it.” Thanks! Oh groudon, how long did it take? You are sooo nice!"
"Don’t mention it, zigzag" Sytherking gave her a hug.

She shook her head, and then continued to look around her humble home. Pikashrew was hiding in the dishwasher. Again. After taking him out of the house quite roughly, she turned around, and looked at the masterpiece she was working on. A life-size statue of Sytherking. It was even coloured in the right colours. Every detail was accurate, even the tail and wings where put at a sharp angle. She sobbed again as she remembered his death. Her enemy, Arceon, had burned his noble wings off and threw him off a cliff. Zigzangoose, a lugia, and her friends ended up killing the evil hybrid, but she was still sad. She had hardly anything left to live for. A telephone rang. She picked it up, and began a conversation with Cyndapix, her best friend, along with skitichu and swellow.
*********************
I open my eyes. I only remember falling; losing track of time is hard to stop. I rub my head, and find myself surrounded by the rhydon herd. They bellow. I tremble, I know what the are going to do. They drag me roughly to the cage, my power not strong enough to open the cage doors. Metal, it is made of. The rhydon bellow some more, then separate and I see a giant grey peparisu make his stand.
"So... you killed my friend, mutant!" The rhydon bellow in agreement. I lower my head. The rocky plains have corrupted even more from when I left. "You killed two friends, actually, or at least tried to kill the other. Well, no matter! We will avenge Leader Rockneys death!" The rhydon jump around in an excited craze. I hear the bellows of "Death! Avenge the death of growleevee, our leader and ruler! Avenge! Avenge!"
I close my eyes in sheer hopelessness. I open them again, and then see a strange black eevee in the distance. He closes his eyes, and all the rhydon collapse. The peparisu glared at me, then ran off. The black eevee closed his eyes again. The doors opened, I was free.
"Hey, thanks! Who...who are you?"
The eevee stared at me, then asked, "Are you Sytherking?"
"Yes, who are you?" But the eevee is gone before I could finish my sentence.
**********************
Zigzangoose looked up again. She was taking a relaxing break in the Anthroleaf forest with Cyndapix and skitichu. They had just saved a baby catapie from certain death, and they where walking again, to find more bugs to save. They where also looking for shiny pokemon to see. Suddenly, there was a swoop of wings, and Alakaowl flew down. He was a alakazam with noctowl wings, and a tail of a noctowl too.
"Something went on in the rocky plains. Bodies everywhere. Of Rhydon. I also can say a peparisu was hanging round, you can smell his stench." He flew off.
"Rhydon..." Zigzangoose pondered, "Could it be?"
"Don’t get your hopes up, zigzag." Skitichu said sadly.
"Ok, lets check it out, anyway."
Before they could head off they heard a voice, "Hello".
"Huggg!" Cyndapix hugged the creature, which was of coarse, gastpuppet. A shuppet with a face and aurora of a gastly.
"Right, I’m off now." Gastpuppet vanished as soon as he was there.
"Ok, now...to Rocky plains!" Zigzangoose yelled.
"So much for our break." skitichu complained.
Soon, they came to Rocky plains. Rhydon where lying on the ground, twitching. There was also a nasty smell of sewage in the air.
"Peparisu " Cyndapix growled, thinking of the counterpart of growleevee.
"Do you think he did this?" Skitichu asked.
"Nope." Zigzangoose picked up some of the sand, then sniffed it, "psychic attack. Confusion, by a level 100 eevee."
"I didn’t know eevee could learn confusion." Skitichu said.
"Me neither." Cyndapix sat on the dusty ground.
"Dad." Zigzangoose muttered. She didn’t notice the steelix swarming around her, and her friends...
***********************
I see my prey, a pidgey that fluttered here, hit by a teeter dance. It flits here and there in a dazed trance, as if it is doing its own teeter dance. I close my eyes, and then focus my mind. I lick my lips, sharpen my scythes, and pounce. The pidgey, a small-feathered thing, looks at me with a feared "o" of a face, before I slice his head off. I devour everything, even the feathers. I was so hungry that I could not spare a thing. I see the spinda that caused the confusion, teeter dancing like a fool. It has spots mainly on the side of its face, and it is smiling, confused also? I wonder. It does not matter now. The killing is done, the spinda’s head lays on the floor, blood dripping out like a spilt bottle of water. Suddenly, I hear a voice in my head, This isnt the anser... get out of here, before the killings get to you... go to the starlight plains, Anthroleaf forest, anywhere but here! Its too risky! I shake my head, and turn around. The eevee from last time is back.
"What’s with you man? You don’t even answer my questions!"
"I have no name. I am only known as the father of Zigzangoose and pikeevee." He closes his eyes, and then opens them. "Zigzangoose might be in a little trouble... I have to go."
"Wait!" But yet again, he is gone. I hold my head in my scythes, not noticing the herd of charizard behind me.
**********************
"We are so dead." Zigzangoose jumped before a steelix rammed its tail into the dirt, "We have no strength against these things!"
"I can’t poke them! They are too...oofff!" The little firefox was sent flying by another steelix's tail slamming into her.
"Cyndapix!" Zigzangoose screamed, "Not again, not again!"
The firefox landed on the ground. A few slow seconds past, the steelix swarming the hurt friend. Then, a glowing appeared. Cyndapix was evolving.
The glowing ended, and the old Cyndapix was gone, now a noble looking ninetails with a blue fireproof coat and flames on her head appeared. She opened her eyes.
"Whoa." Skitichu and Zigzangoose said.
The firefox opened her mouth, "Typhlotails!" She yelled, and then closed her eyes. A swirling tower of flame coated her, and then she slammed into the steelix that swarmed her. The steelix melted, one by one, and all that was left was a puddle of molten metal the was slowly solidifying.
"Wow. You’ve evolved!" Zigzangoose said, "and you saved us!"
"You are welcome. I think I know some other things too, except flame wheel... something called brain bomb comes to mind. I will try it later." Typhlotails posh accent rung through the teams ears like bells. There was a fluttering of wings. Zigzangoose turned around, just to see the bones of a pidgey land on the floor.
"We had better leave." Zigzangoose took out the teleporting device, and chose "starlight plains". She just saw a flash of purple and green before vanishing into the night.
**********************
I chopped the last head of the charizard off, and felt a strange surge of power. I had gone up a level. Great. Stronger me equals better chance of staying alive. I turn towards the sky, and see her, fighting off a herd of steelix. Then I see Cyndapix fly. I fly over, thinking it’s too late, I just found her, and now she’s nearly gone. But then she touched the firestone that peparisu dropped, she glows a great white colour, then evolved into Typhlotails. Using her new powers, she defeats them easily. I see zigzag teleport away, but she sees me before she vanishes. I wished I knew where she had gone, but with no idea, I follow the sun, to Starlight plains. I heard that she lives there now. I need to see her again. I must. I must, I thought. I get tired of walking, then start flying. I race an articuno, and a fearow for fun, to make the journey less long. Soon, I am there, Starlight plains. The mint green grass shimmers in the always-present moonlight. A statue of me stands there, looking almost realistic. I look at it proudly, and then see a flash of white, and I see them reappear. I run. I am not ready yet. I must see her. Alone.
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  #4  
Old 12-10-2006, 08:08 PM
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Leon Phelps Offline
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 81
Default Re: Zigzangoose's long saga

Quote:
Originally Posted by zigzangoose
Ok. I am going to tell you first. Dont be too hard on the crits please? I ended up leaving the forum I last posted due to it. So... dont be too mean!
Quote:
Part2. Same rules as before.
You. Are. Funny. This is a public forum and when you post on a public forum be prepared for any reply that might come your way. If you consider any form of criticism to be mean then get off the internet and don't come back until you sprout a spine. No one is going to keep their true opinions to themselves out of fear that you'll "leave".

As for the story, it needs a makeover. You skip between tenses and points of views and then have all of your paragraphs and dialogue packed together in large blocks of text. This all came together to create a very confusing read. If you are using fakemon mutants, or any type of character, you'll need to let the reader know what they look like so that they may visualize who is doing what and what exactly is happening in the story.

I spotted many spelling mistakes and grammar errors so please put this into a word processing program. When seperating paragraphs, please double space as the indention button does not work on these forums. Also double space every time you have a new line of dialogue.

After you correct the formatting errors more people should reply.
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  #5  
Old 12-11-2006, 05:03 PM
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zigzangoose Offline
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Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Stalking persicuno...
Posts: 122
Default Re: Zigzangoose's long saga

Thank you for letting me see the light. Hehe. Anyway, its confusing...cuz I wrote it at diffreent times. It turns to different charecters...because I wanted the charicters to all have views. I will edit them as soon as I can.
Thank you.
Quote:
I watch the moonlight sky, then turn to you. I have found you aren’t who I thought you where. You where my hero, but I’ve found you are the devil. Why do I hang with the very thing I want to destroy? You yawn, then settle down to sleep. My hand is shaking. I don’t know you anymore. It hurts me to see you, see you the way I do now. I saw what you did, the way you destroyed all I held dear, behind my back. I hate you, and love you. I don’t know what to do. I am lost. The only thing floating through my head are the words “revenge”. I hold the knife you gave me for my birthday in my hand, I see it gleam evilly. I hold it up, as if observing it. I can’t do this, but yet I must. I hold the knife over your sleeping self. I pause for a few minutes, then I remember. I drop the knife on the ground, away from you, and run, run towards the hills. Away from you.
This is a dream. yeah.
And, arnt my discritions good enough? Ill work on them then.
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Last edited by zigzangoose; 12-11-2006 at 05:07 PM.
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