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Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #1  
Old 12-08-2006, 01:42 AM
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Default Pain to Tell The Truth

I pray to the heaveans that this fic turns out better then my last 1 2 3.. 3

Chapter 1- Arrival into the Sinnoh Region



Tyler took a seat close to a nearby rail. Tyler was on his way to the Sinnoh region to live with his mother. Tyler had been living with his grandparents in Johto for the past few weeks while his mother got moved into their new house. Today was Tyler's 12th birthday. Tyler had only one pokemon and it was his trusty Korinku nicknamed Spark. Korinku stood on Tyler's right shoulder smelling the fresh air and looking into the sea seeing Goldeen, Seaking, and even the occasional Horsea.

"Hey Spark were almost to the Sinnoh region," Tyler said as he looked over the railing over the railing of the ferry. Tyler was about the normal height of a 12-year-old 5'0 and weighed 100 pounds. Tyler had raven black hair and sea blue eyes. Tyler had been wearing a pair of light blue baggy pants, a black shirt with a white hoop on the bottom, and a pair of black & white gloves showing his knuckles and up. Korinku was a small mix of a blue & black color pokemon. Korinku had yellow dizzy eyes, and a short black tail, at the end of his tail was a small star. Korinku didn't like the going inside his pokeball for unknown reasons, so he just rested upon Tyler's shoulder. Tyler's grandfather had given Korinku to Tyler at a young age of seven after his grandfather had his Blaziken save it from a pack a stampeding Taurous. As Tyler and Spark stood their the intercom of the ferry crackled over a small speaker.

"All guest we are just 10 minutes away from the beautiful region of Sinnoh. I hope you have all enjoyed this trip from Johto," The captain said over the intercom.

"Hear that Spark just a few minutes and we can see my mom in Futaba Town," Tyler said.

"Korin," Korinku cried, as he climbs off Tyler's right shoulder and hops to his left.

It was a few minutes before the ferry stopped and both Tyler and Korinku were in Futaba Town in the region of Sinnoh. As Tyler walked off the ferry he was greeted by a familiar voice.

"Welcome home son," A woman said, as she greeted Tyler.

"Mom,!" Tyler exclaimed, as he hugged the woman.

"So son has was grandma and grandpa's place in Johto," Tyler's mom asked.

"It was fun and grandpa gave me this Korinku. Say hello Spark," Tyler said.

"Korin," Korinku said, with a smile.

"Hello cutie," Tyler's mom said with a smile.

"Come on Tyler let's go home," Tyler's mom said with a warm smile on her face. Tyler picked up his backpack and followed his mom. As the two walked home Tyler's mom picked Pecha berries off a trees that they walked by and put them into a small basket.

The two arrive home.
"Wow mom this place is awesome,!" Tyler exclaimed.

"I know and it was cheap too," Tyler's mom said.

"Hey mom I have some great news tomorrow morning I'm going to start my very own pokemon journey," Tyler said happily.

"Really well tomorrow you will receive a small gift from me before you leave," Tyler's mom said as she drank a cup of tea. Tyler and his mother talked for a few hours until it was 9:30 P.m.

"Well mom I'm going to take a quick shower and go to sleep," Tyler said, as he yawned.

"Okay, tomorrow morning I will have all your items packed and ready along with your special gift," Tyler's mom said. Tyler walked up stairs and got into the shower knowing tomorrow morning he was going to be a pokemon trainer.

To Be Continued......
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  #2  
Old 12-09-2006, 04:29 AM
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Default Re: Pain to Tell The Truth

Chapter 2-Starting A Journey!


The sun shined into Tyler's new room waking him up immediatly. Spark was sleeping next to Tyler's pillow. As Tyler woke up along with Spark he put on his normal clothes. A pair of light blue baggy pants, a black shirt with a white hoop on the bottom, and a pair of black & white gloves showing his knuckles and up.

"Well Spark we both know what today is," Tyler said looking at his starter pokemon.

"Korin," Korinku cried with a smile. Tyler walked down his brown stair case to see his mother wraping a small gift.

"Happy late Birthday son,!" Tyler's mom said, holding Tyler's gift.

"Thanks mom," Tyler said, as he grabbed the gift. Tyler opened the wraping paper and opened to box to reveal a Poketech.

"Mom how did you know I wanted one of these," Tyler said, as he ut on his Poketech. Poketech was a watch like device, the band a sky blue. The screen in the center was a light green, which lit up to display the time, but Poketech has 20 upgrades.

"Tyler when you get to Kotobuki City and face the gym leader call me," Tyler's mom said, as her son walked off into a nearby forest with 5 pokeballs on his belt and a pokedex in his backpocket given to him by Professer.Elm. Tyler walked into the forest to pass a sign saying "Route 202".

As Tyler walked into the forest he heard the echoe of a girl yell "Shadow Ball" and a boy yell "Flamethrower". Spark hopped of Tyler's shoulder and ran twoards the sound of people and Tyler followed after. As Tyler and Spark ran toward the sound of people they noticed a girl handing over a pokeball to the boy.

"Hey give that girl back her pokemon,!" Tyler exclaimed.

"Why she betted her poor Eevee and lost to my Houndour," The boy said.

"Alright I'll make you a deal if you win can keep her pokemon and my Spark as well, but if I win you give that girl back her Eevee.

"Fine Houndour go," the boy said snapping his fingers. A houndour walked from behind him and growled at Tyler.

"Spark go," Tyler said. Spark walked onto the battle field.

"Houndour use Take-down,!" The boy commanded.

"Spark dodge and use Thunderbolt,!" Tyler commanded. Houndour threw himself at Spark only to miss. Spark charged his body with electricity and shocked Houndour doing some damage.

"Now use Thunderbolt again!," Tyler commanded. Spark shot a blast of electricity at Houndour paralyzing him.

"Now finish this this with Irontail,!" Tyler commanded. Spark's tail turned a bright white and hardend as he bashedthe top Houndour's head causing him to faint.

"All right Spark return,!" Tyler commanded. Spark jumped back onto Tyler's shoulder.

"Now give me back Eevee Jason,!" The girl commanded.

"Fine,!" Jason exclaimed as he handed the pokeball to the girl.

"Now leave,!" Tyler commanded. Jason ran away with Houndour right behind him.

"Thank you so much," The girl said with a smile on her face.

"No problem," Tyler said.

"Korin," Korinku cried. The little girl walked to Futaba Town while Tyler headed North near twoards Masago Town a reststop for tyler on his way to Kotobuki City.

To Be Contiued...
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  #3  
Old 12-09-2006, 05:04 AM
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Default Re: Pain to Tell The Truth

I liked it alot. Can't wait to read on.
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  #4  
Old 12-09-2006, 05:20 AM
Ryenne Raleigh Offline
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Default Re: Pain to Tell The Truth

Ok. I hope you know that I will be a little critical, but I aim for my criticism to also be constructive. Here goes:


First of all, there are several spelling errors. You are getting letters mixed up everywhere, missing several words where they are needed, and without those certain words, it doesn't get your point across very well. I suggest you reread your writings before you post it to avoid these mistakes. Also, to avoid spelling errors, if you type your work in the posting box right off the top of your head on PE2K, I suggest you copy and paste it into Microsoft Word and see all the words that are underlined in red and correct them. If you type them ahead of time in a program like Word Perfect or MW, then you should reread it. Otherwise, if you are uncertain on how to spell a word, then look it up in a dictionary. I know that sometimes we can't help it, as everybody makes mistakes, but...You should try harder.


There are also very many grammatical errors. As I said before, there are many missing words that you should edit in. Another thing: When a person is speaking and addresses someone, you would put a comma before and after the person's name that the speaking person is addressing. In several cases you put things like:

"Well Spark we both know what today is," Tyler said looking at his starter pokemon.

That is incorrect. The correct way would be:

"Well, Spark, we both know what today is," Tyler said, looking at his starter Pokemon.

Ignore the italics. However, on to different things. Instead of using Tyler's name over and over and over again, you could use some pronouns such as "he". It makes for better writing and avoids a repetitive cycle that gets annoying after a while.

Another thing is how you use your punctuation. I already told you about the commas, so I will move on to some other punctuational errors. One mistake is:

"Happy late Birthday son,!" Tyler's mom said, holding Tyler's gift.


The correct way to write this is:


"Happy late birthday, son!" Tyler's mom said, holding his gift.


Ignore how I used "his" instead of "Tyler's"; it really doesn't matter. Putting a comma then another punctuation mark is a big no-no. Never do it.


One more thing and then I'm done: I noticed how you wrote this:


"Korin," Korinku cried, as he climbs off Tyler's right shoulder and hops to his left.


You did it more than once, I think, but anyhow! Most of this story has been written in past-tense form. "As he climbs" is the error. It makes it sound like it is currently happening, and breaks the flow of the story, which is mostly written in past-tense. Ok, I'm pretty much done now.


I am sorry if you are offended, but I am only trying to help you improve your writing. I realize that no one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes. It's OK. Hopefully you will learn from these mistakes and improve your writing. This is a decent story aside from all its errors, so don't give up all hope. Writing is something you like to do, apparently, so you shouldn't just let it go. That's why you keep trying at it and seek to improve your skills.

Last edited by Ryenne Raleigh; 12-09-2006 at 05:22 AM. Reason: to change fonts
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  #5  
Old 12-09-2006, 05:29 AM
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Default Re: Pain to Tell The Truth

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ryenne View Post
Ok. I hope you know that I will be a little critical, but I aim for my criticism to also be constructive. Here goes:


First of all, there are several spelling errors. You are getting letters mixed up everywhere, missing several words where they are needed, and without those certain words, it doesn't get your point across very well. I suggest you reread your writings before you post it to avoid these mistakes. Also, to avoid spelling errors, if you type your work in the posting box right off the top of your head on PE2K, I suggest you copy and paste it into Microsoft Word and see all the words that are underlined in red and correct them. If you type them ahead of time in a program like Word Perfect or MW, then you should reread it. Otherwise, if you are uncertain on how to spell a word, then look it up in a dictionary. I know that sometimes we can't help it, as everybody makes mistakes, but...You should try harder.


There are also very many grammatical errors. As I said before, there are many missing words that you should edit in. Another thing: When a person is speaking and addresses someone, you would put a comma before and after the person's name that the speaking person is addressing. In several cases you put things like:

"Well Spark we both know what today is," Tyler said looking at his starter pokemon.

That is incorrect. The correct way would be:

"Well, Spark, we both know what today is," Tyler said, looking at his starter Pokemon.

Ignore the italics. However, on to different things. Instead of using Tyler's name over and over and over again, you could use some pronouns such as "he". It makes for better writing and avoids a repetitive cycle that gets annoying after a while.

Another thing is how you use your punctuation. I already told you about the commas, so I will move on to some other punctuational errors. One mistake is:

"Happy late Birthday son,!" Tyler's mom said, holding Tyler's gift.


The correct way to write this is:


"Happy late birthday, son!" Tyler's mom said, holding his gift.


Ignore how I used "his" instead of "Tyler's"; it really doesn't matter. Putting a comma then another punctuation mark is a big no-no. Never do it.


One more thing and then I'm done: I noticed how you wrote this:


"Korin," Korinku cried, as he climbs off Tyler's right shoulder and hops to his left.


You did it more than once, I think, but anyhow! Most of this story has been written in past-tense form. "As he climbs" is the error. It makes it sound like it is currently happening, and breaks the flow of the story, which is mostly written in past-tense. Ok, I'm pretty much done now.


I am sorry if you are offended, but I am only trying to help you improve your writing. I realize that no one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes. It's OK. Hopefully you will learn from these mistakes and improve your writing. This is a decent story aside from all its errors, so don't give up all hope. Writing is something you like to do, apparently, so you shouldn't just let it go. That's why you keep trying at it and seek to improve your skills.
Yikes! okay I plan to fix my mistskes. ^__^
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  #6  
Old 12-09-2006, 05:31 AM
Ryenne Raleigh Offline
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Default Re: Pain to Tell The Truth

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blazeiken12 View Post
Yikes! okay I plan to fix my mistskes. ^__^
^^ Thanks.
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  #7  
Old 12-10-2006, 05:36 PM
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Default Re: Pain to Tell The Truth

If you have a trainer that wants to be in my fic just form thingy below.

Name:(Your name duh!)
Age:(Do I really need to say anything)
Gender:(Male or Female)
Pokemon:(Basic pokemon only like a Cubone or Rioru no final Evos like Rentoraa or Goukazru)
Personality:(How your trainer acts in batte or just how he acts overall)
Apperance:(How your trainer looks.)
Occupation:(Is your person a Breeder,a Contester, A sideline Guy/Girl) (Note- Sideline means they just sit and watch other people battle or appeal)
Freind,Rival,Joruney:(With they be Tyler's friend, but they don't come on the journey, Will they be his Rival, or will they join him on the journey.)
How long:(Will they travel with Tyler for the rest of his journey or just in one chapter,or until they get to a certain town or city)
Other:(Things that didn't fit above)
I will try to get you in ASAP!
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  #8  
Old 12-10-2006, 07:20 PM
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Default Re: Pain to Tell The Truth

Name: Devan ketchum
Age:13
Gender:Male
Pokemon: Charmander(Has everstone), Pikachu(Will not use thunderstone), Korinku( This will evolve into it's evos.), Rioru(Evolves into Lucario with aura abilities added. My lUcario is unique, because it was taught how to be an user of aura.), Treecko(Evolves into sceptile.), and Squirtle(Blastoise).
Personality: He is always determined to win. Never gives up at all. Is persistant, enthusiastic, and selflessly loyal to friends.
Apperance:PokemonUA!: Ultimate Annihilation tells you that.
Occupation: Wants to become the greatest pokemon master in the universe. Is Tyler's best-friend, and also his greatest rival in battle.
How long: They will travel together. After Tyler gets his first badge. He already has his. He is just waiting for Tyler.
Other: Charmander is his strongest pokemon. So he will do better battle performances than almost any other fire type. He has defeated two water pokemon at once.
( Hope ythis is good. I'll edit if it isn't.) Good luck on the fic!
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  #9  
Old 12-13-2006, 12:46 AM
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Default Re: Pain to Tell The Truth

Both Chapter 3 and 4 will be in one post so enjoy!(Episode Guide Coming soon to the first post)

Chapter 3- Hikozaru The Prankster Pokemon!


As Tyler and his starter Spark slept under a tree a Hikozaru stood into a tree above them plotting with an arm full of Pecha and Oran berries. Hikozaru dropped all the berries onto the two waking them up.

"Hey who did that,” Tyler exclaimed as he woke up.

"Hiko," Hikozaru cried laughing. Tyler and Spark looked up to see Hikozaru laughing.

"I wonder what Dexter has to say about this, pokemon?" Tyler said as he took out his pokedex.

"Hikozaru The Young Monkey Pokemon. It climbs up cliff walls agilely and lives on top of rock mountains. Its flame goes out when it is asleep. Hikozaru was about the size of Korinku. Hikozaru was a light red color and had a fang sticking out the right side corner of his mouth. Hikozaru had a small flame on his tail resembling a Charmander.

"Alright Spark were going to catch him," Tyler said, as he put away his pokedex. "Spark use Thunderbolt,!" Tyler commanded. Spark changed his body with electricity and shot a bolt of electricity, only to miss and be hit by a blast of fire. Hikozaru jumped through the trees laughing.

"Spark, let's go!" Tyler commanded. Spark stood up and hopped onto his shoulder as he ran after Hikozaru. Hikozaru swung from tree to tree with Tyler right behind him. As Tyler ran with Spark on his shoulder, Tyler bumped into a girl sending Korinku flying off his shoulder.

"Hey, watch where you’re going!" The girl yelled.

"Sorry," Tyler yelled as he ran towards Spark. "You okay buddy,"

"Korin," Spark cried, as he hopped onto Tyler's shoulder. Tyler continued to chase after Hikozaru.


(Meanwhile)


"Isn't dat great wes deals with one set of twerps and now wes have new one," A Meowth said.

"Yes but that Korinku of his is very strong," A woman said.

"Yes but Jessie won't we just get shocked by his Korinku's Thunder attacks." A man said looking worried.

"On the contraire James we have our electric proof net and cage," Jessie said.

"Oh then in that case let's steal it," James said.

"Idiots," Meowth said under his breath only to be hit twice on each side of the head.


(Tyler)


Tyler continued to chase after Hikozaru until it was cornered.

"Alright, Spark use Thunderbolt!" Tyler commanded. Spark jumped off his shoulder and shot a bolt of electricity at Hikozaru doing some damage. Hikozaru sped at Spark using Quickattack and blew fireballs from his mouth doing damage to Spark.

"Spark, use Irontail!" Tyler commanded. Spark's tail turned white as he bashed Hikozaru under his legs causing him to hit lift into the air.

"Now, finish this with Tackle!" Tyler commanded. As Hikozaru was still in the air Spark jumped and threw himself at Hikozaru.

"Now, Pokeball go!" Tyler commanded. Tyler pulled a pokeball from his belt and threw it at the fainted Hikozaru. Once...Twice...PING!

"Alright, buddy we caught a Hikozaru!" Tyler yelled, as he picked up his pokeball and added to his belt slot.

"Well, Spark look's like we have a new partner on are team." Tyler said looking at his pokeball. "I think I'll name him Lil'Blaze, because he's little and I bet his fire packs a punch."

"Korin," Spark cried. Tyler, Spark, and their new teamate Lil'Blaze walk down a road waiting for what adventures are waiting ahead.
To Be Contiued.....

Chapter 4- Mukkuru of The Flock!


As Tyler and Spark walk down the path of Route 203 they both notice a flock of small Mukkuru flying over head.

"Wow, Spark look at that!" Tyler said, as he looked up at the small gray starling pokemon.

"Korin," Korinku cried. As the two watched the pokemon fly overhead they both noticed a falling object.

"What's that?" Tyler asked. As they watched the falling object he noticed what it was.

"It's a Mukkuru!" Tyler yelled." Go, Lil'Blaze and catch that pokemon!" Tyler commanded. Lil'Blaze materialized from his pokeball and jumped off a nearby tree a caught the bird pokemon, only to land with a thud. Tyler and Spark ran towards the two pokemon.

"Alright, Lil'Blaze good work" Tyler said. Lil'Blaze hopped on his other shoulder. He picked up the injured pokemon, to notice it's wing's bone was out of place.

"Dang, he's been hurt pretty badly." Tyler said, as he held the small pokemon. Mukkuru was a small bird pokemon no bigger than a Pidgey. Mukkuru had a a mixture of brown and white feathers. It had a small head and a long beak with a mixture of orange and brown. He set the pokemon on the ground along with his backpack. he dug through his backpack until he found some wound wrapping for the bird pokemon. Tyler wrapped the bandage around the Mukkuru's injured wing.

"Well guys, we might as well take a break and have us some food." Tyler suggested. Tyler poured a small amount of pokemon food into 3 dishes. Spark and Lil'Blaze ate their food.

"Hey, Mukkuru aren't you hungry?" Tyler asked, as he took a bite from his sandwich. Mukkuru walked towards his bowl and ate a little of the pokemon food .

"See,now isn't that allot better then starving?" Tyler asked, with a smile on his face.

"Mukku," Mukkuru cried in happiness. Mukkuru, Tyler, Spark, and Lil'Blaze contiued to their food and play, when Mukkuru broke the bandage on his wing and flew into the air.

"Alright, Mukkuru, you're flying!" Tyler yelled

"Mukku," Mukkuru cried in happiness. Mukkuru flew at Hikozaru knocking him to the ground.

"Oh I get it you want to battle me. Well I never walk away from a challenge" Tyler said. "Lil'Blaze, time for your first battle." Tyler said. Lil'Blaze hopped onto his feet ready to fight.

"Alright, Lil'Blaze use Ember!" Tyler commanded. Lil'Blaze shot small fireballs from his mouth at Mukkuru, only to miss. Mukkuru flew into Hikozaru knocking to the floor again.

"Dang! That must have been a Wingattack," Tyler said to himself

"Alright, Lil'Blaze, use Ember again!" Tyler commanded. Lil'Blaze shot another array of fireballs at Mukkuru only hitting four times causing him to fall from the sky a little.

"Now, finish this with Tackle!" Tyler commanded. Hikozaru threw his body at Mukkuru causing him to fly into a tree.

"Alrigh, Pokeball GO!" Tyler commanded. He threw the pokeball at the fallen pokemon. Once.....Twice.....PING!

"Alright, we caught Mukkuru!" Tyler announced, as he held the pokeball in the air. "I guess we can name him Cruz, because well.... I don't have a reason yet, but I will find one soon," Tyler said, as he sweatdropped.

"Well, Lil'Blaze return!" Tyler commanded. He took a pokeball from his belt slot as a red thin beam shot from the middle as Lil'Blaze dematerialized into the small pokeball.

"Well, Spark, the map says were only a few hours from Masago Town where my Battle Tournament is and 2 days from Kotobuki City where my Gym Battle with Hyouta is." Tyler said, as he folded the small map and put it in his pocket. The two walked down the road waiting for what adventures ly ahead.
To be Contiued.....
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  #10  
Old 12-13-2006, 01:51 AM
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Default Re: Pain to Tell The Truth

Chapter 5- Arrival To Massago Town!


Tyler and Spark arrived to Massago Town.

"Wow, Spark, this place is huge." Tyler said looking at the buildings. Tyler looked around until he saw a large stadium reading "Battle Tournament!"

"Well, Spark, let's go." Tyler said. Tyler walked to the Battle Tournament sign up room to be greeted by Nurse Joy.

"Hello young man, would you like to sign up for the Battle Tournment?" Nurse Joy asked.

"Yeah I would." Tyler answerd. Nurse Joy handed Tyler a form saying Name, Age, Sex, Pokemon, and Hometown. Tyler filled out the small form and gave it back to Nurse Joy.

"Very well then Tyler, your Battle Tournament number is 5." Nurse Joy said as she put a sticker on his shirt.

"Thanks," Tyler said. Tyler walked down a hallwayand opened a door to reveal a large outside dome.

"WELCOME TRAINERS FROM ALL AROUND THE WORLD THIS IS A DOUBLE BATTLE TOURNAMNET MEANING THAT EACH OF YOU GET TO USE TWO POKEMON EACH!" The mand from a small space in the crowd yelled."THE FIRST MATCH IS NUMBER 5 AND NUMBER 8"The man yelled. The two boys walked into the arena.

"Alright, Go Bippa and Fuwante!" The boy commanded. The threw two of his red and white pokeballs into the air as a Bippa and a Fuwante materialized from them. Bippa was a litte bigger then Spark. It had four stupy tails and two large white teeth. It as dark brown, and had extra fur on it's cheeks.

Fuwante was like a purple hot air ballon with legs and a 1,000,000 times small. It had long black legs and small stuby yellow feet. It had a cloud like hat on it's head.

"Alright then, Go Cruz and Lil'Blaze!" Tyler commanded. Tyler threw two of his pokeballs as well as his Mukkuru and Hikozaru materialized from them.

"Okay, Fuwante use Constrict on the Hikozaru, Bippa stand your ground!" The boy commanded.

"Lil'blaze, dodge and use Ember on Funwante, Cruz use Wingattack on Bippa!" Tyler commanded. Funwante used it's long black legs to grab Lil'Blaze, but misses and is hit by an array of Embers, Cruz bashed Bippa with his wings sending a few feet back.
To Be Contiued......
I have to fish tommorow since I get out of school early....
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