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Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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  #1  
Old 11-01-2012, 05:37 AM
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Default Ten Reasons Why You Should Have a Magikarp

Difficulty: Easiest

This annoying kid in my class at school named Harley said that Magikarp were lame today at lunch. I told him he was stupid. Then he presented me with a challenge. He told me to write down ten reasons why every trainer should have a Magikarp. I decided I'd take him up on that challenge. Why? I, Barry Longhorn, do not back down from challenges, no matter how stupid they may seem.

So here I sit in my room with paper and pen in front of me; I started something in history today, but Miss I Hate You All ripped my paper up, so I have to start over again. I shall tell you why you should have a Magikarp while I write down these ten reasons for Harley so I can rub it in his face tomorrow at lunch. And this time, Miss I Hate You All won't be ripping my paper up since I did it at home, and I've already done her homework.

1) They're easy to get. Just get a fishing rod from a fisherman. They like giving them to new trainers. Clearly the fishermen want you to get a Magikarp too.

2) It sucks until it evolves into Gyarados. Okay, this isn't really a good reason, and it's not really helping Magikarp's case, but this is probably the only thing Harley and I would agree on. Just keep reading! I promise you Magikarp do not suck!

3) After it evolves, it's a great starter Pokemon. Gyarados are pretty legit.

4) If your Gyarados is from the Dream World, and its ability is Moxie, you're one lucky fish. Win all of the battles! Your Gyarados' Attack stat will go up every time you knock out a Pokemon with it. Of course, if your Gyarados isn't from the Dream World, no harm done. Intimidate will make up for that since it makes the Attack stat of your opponent's Pokemon go down. It's a win-win situation.

5) Gyarados is a Water and Flying type Pokemon, so it's really weak to Electric types. Have no fear though! Gyarados learns a bunch of useful moves that can help you in battle! It learns some really cool Dragon type moves, so it can take out some Dragons. It can also learn Thunder (or Thunderbolt if you want the weaker version for whatever weird reason) to take out some Flying or Water types, and it can learn Earthquake to take out any Electric types looking to get rid of your Gyarados. Basically, it's a crappy fish that turns into a freakin' awesome and really useful Water and Flying fish thing... I don't even know what a Gyarados is.

6) Filet of Magikarp is delicious, man. If you're by a body of water, whip out your fishing rod, catch some Magikarp, start a fire, and dinner is served. At least, I'm pretty sure Magikarp tastes good. I'm not really sure what else people in the Pokemon world would eat besides Pokemon. I wouldn't recommend raw Magikarp though, but that's just because any raw fish tastes nasty anyways, and you'd get sick from it. So cook your Magikarp!

7) It has a decent Speed once it evolves into a Gyarados. Magikarp has decent Speed too, but Magikarp's move pool sucks anyways. Just get a Gyarados! There's faster Pokemon than Gyarados, but it has an excellent Attack stat, and that combined with Moxie would make it a beast!

8) Loads of people already have a Magikarp or its evolved form, Gyarados! Just get one already! Join the club! That means you too, Harley!

9) I heard there's a guy in the Kanto region that sells Magikarps. If you don't want to catch it, buy it! He's cool enough to have one, and he's cool enough to have so many that he'll sell you one! Obviously you need one if someone's selling them.

10) Finally, they call Gyarados the Atrocious Pokemon, and they call Magikarp the Fish Pokemon, which isn't really that funny because we can clearly tell that it's a fish. Gyarados may be called the Atrocious Pokemon by the Pokedex, but I call it a pretty [s]damn[/s] freakin' useful Pokemon.

And that, ladies, gentlemen, and Harley, is why I, Barry Longhorn, think that you should go turn on your Pokemon game, go to the nearest source of water, and catch a Magikarp. If you don't, you're missing out on one of the best Pokemon in the game, and that will make you lame. Lamer than lame, actually. So lame that lame wouldn't even be able to describe you anymore. So what are you waiting for?! Go catch a Magikarp and evolve it now!

Pokemon to Catch: Magikarp
Character Count: 4198
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  #2  
Old 11-01-2012, 06:02 AM
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Default Re: Ten Reasons Why You Should Have a Magikarp

So hey, I'm going to claim this. I'll try to get it done by the end of this weekend. It's Halloween and I need sleep...
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Old 11-02-2012, 06:58 AM
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Default Re: Ten Reasons Why You Should Have a Magikarp

So hey... two grades in one night. Not too bad. I'm actually just avoiding reading As I Lay Dying. But enough about me, let me tell you about you.

Introduction: The reader is introduced to a possible actual human being who lives and breathes just like us, Barry Longhorn, and how he wants to prove to his classmate Harley that Magikarp are worth catching. We also get insight into the character himself through his interactions with Miss I Hate You All, showing that he is probably a nerd with some wickedly witty comebacks. You dun good mate, as I got a firm understanding of character, setting, and conflict/character motivation in the very first paragraph along with a strong first sentence that pulled me in like a Magikarp on a fishing line. Clever, I know. I also was interested in learning more about Barry and his life, and I kind of gobbled this story up as soon as I saw it. Just didn't grade it until now. Sorry.

Plot: The story is essentially a look into the daily life and mind of Barry, and here it definitely works. For more difficult captures I think this set up could also be effective, however you would have to omit the 'list of reasons why you should catch this' and instead write fully about the characters life and how Pokemon effects them.

As for the listing, it was almost like how I outline my essays before writing them, but with sadly better insight into the subject. For you, that's great, for me, it's probably bad. Either way, I found it humorous and definitely original in comparison to other Magikarp stories I have seen in the past, which always include fishing. Fishing is a boring concept for a story, even if it has Pokemon in it. (If you can make fishing interesting, I will give you a gold star.) Point is, you managed to make a simple list from a nerdy school kid the most original and creative concept for a Magikarp capture I have ever seen and managed to make it entertaining. It had zest and a strong voice and style, concepts which you should definitely carry over to your other more story-driven tales.

Description: Strong and a little bit quirky description here, above and beyond for a Magikarp. I liked the use of slang terms in here, thought it added to the characterization of Barry very well. Of course a stronger description of setting, the characters of Miss I Hate You All and Harvey, and possibly a description of Barry himself would be appreciated, but in this kind of story it isn't really necessary. In fact I find that the implied details that you used in the first few paragraphs were more appropriate here, as even though we know nothing of Barry's appearance, we can still get the feeling of his looks through his interactions with other characters and through his inner voice.

Even in more complicated stories, there are plenty of times when implied details are the most effective. Use this to your advantage when you can. However you can always stay on the safe side as well if you feel like it would be risky. More description can't really hurt you.

Grammar: Perfect as far as I can tell. Nice job.

Length: You actually fell a little short, which is fine but there were areas where you could have padded things a little, namely in the introduction and ending. Honestly just adding more witticisms would be the easiest way to pad and describe more details about the life of Barry Longhorn.

Outcome: Simple story, simple grade. Magikarp caught! I appreciate the use of an unconventional capture here and you are a very strong author. I'm looking forward to reading more of your stories and meeting more of your characters. You seem especially good at creating interesting people.

Have fun eating your fresh catch. Remember, those screams you hear are only the sounds of steam rising out of the pot, Magikarps can't scream.
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Last edited by Not Safe For Adults; 11-02-2012 at 07:02 AM.
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