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Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #31  
Old 07-17-2006, 05:36 AM
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Default Re: The Last Battle - Ash vs. Mewtwo

D00d, please keep writng. ^^" This is really good - I can't wait to see what happens. However (please don't eat me for this) I will give you one thing to work on - characterisation. What would the characters actually do in this situation? Remember that Ash is very head-strong, and his observance skills are ... less than perfect. He is also not very open, so when he says, "I can't really explain how I know, I just feel it in my bloodstream" I just found it a little strange and not very ... Ash-like. O.o Ja. Otherwise, a good fic. Keep it up. ;D
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  #32  
Old 08-07-2006, 05:56 PM
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Default Re: The Last Battle - Ash vs. Mewtwo

I'm so sorry I don't really write anymore guys (and girls ) But don't worry, I'm not abandoning this fic. In fact, here's the next chapter!
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Chapter 9: The Rising Sun

"Oh, great. The sun's coming up. How are supposed to hide from Mewtwo now?" Max questioned.

"Guys, we can't keep running." Ash said all of a sudden. Everyone turned to look at Ash as if he had completely lost his mind. Who knew? Maybe he had...

"What are you talking about, Ash?" Brendan asked.

"We can't just keep running from Mewtwo. It's gonna kill us eventually if we do." Ash replied. "We have to defeat it somehow."

"You got any plans?" Brendan asked crossing his arms and stopping in the middle of the pasture to look Ash in the eyes.

"No, not yet. But, if all of us work together, we might possibly be able to beat it." Ash answered.

"Well, let us know when you have an actual plan. Then we'll talk." Brendan said, turning and starting to walk away. Ash sighed. He was definetly not in the mood for this. He was tired, confused, and almost every part of his body hurt.

Suddenly, part of the field behind them caught fire, lighting up the area around them. Everyone whirled around and saw Mewtwo hovering over the red-orange flames, an energy ball in its hands. It hurled the ball at them. Everyone but Ash shielded their eyes and braced for the attack.

"Pikachu, use Thunder to counter it!" Ash shouted out. Pikachu leapt off his shoulder and hurled a huge bolt of lightning at Mewtwo's energy ball. The attacks collided in mid air and a huge explosion occured. Pikachu was thrown backwards by the blast, as well as Ash. Mewtwo seemed unfazed.

Pikachu flew backwards into Ash's arms and Ash flew into May causing both of them hit the ground. Mewtwo immedietly began charging up another energy ball. It hurled it at the group, mainly at Ash and May. Pikachu, thought weak and tired, jumped forward and sent another Thunder attack flying Mewtwo's way. Again, the two attacks collided in mid air and Pikachu was blown back by an explosion. It landed back in Ash's arms.

I can't let Pikachu keep doing that, Ash thought. It's getting too weak to fight. Mewtwo began charging up another energy ball, and Pikachu's cheeks began sparking. It started walking forward out of Ash's lap.


"Pikachu, no!" Ash called after it, and pulled it back to him. Pikachu looked at him questioningly. "I can't let you use up all of your energy doing this." Ash said to it.

"Pika pika chu!" Pikachu argued. Mewtwo hurled the energy ball forward. Ash rolled out of the way, and the energy ball crashed to the ground beside him. Part of Ash's shoulder was hit by it. A course of pain run through Ash's body. He glanced at his shoulder, surprised it wasn't gone and replaced by a big, bloody mess. Then, he realized that the only reason that Poochyena had exploded before was because it was a baby. Ash was a teenager, pretty far away from being a baby, and he was much bigger than that Poochyena had been. Mewtwo began charging up an energy ball. Ash turned to the others.

"Run!" he yelled.

"I thought you said we should stop running." Brendan said sarcastically.

"Brendan, now is not the time for your sarcasm! I think I've got a plan, but I need more time to get it together. Now RUN!" Ash replied. May, Nurse Joy, Brendan and Max all turned and ran through the feild. Ash picked up Pikachu and ran after them.

***

A few minutes later, the group was far away from Mewtwo and safe - for the time being.

"Ok Ash..*pant*..what was your plan?" Brendan asked.

"Well, you know how that energy ball hit my shoulder?" Ash started.

"An energy ball hit you in your shoulder?" May asked, in a worried tone.

"Yeah, but see? It's not blown off or anything." Ash said, showing her his shoulder. "But, you remember how that Poochyena exploded when Mewtwo hit it with an energy ball?" May nodded, grimacing as the image ran throug her mind. "Well, I figured out why it blew the Poochyena up, but not me." Ash continued.

"Why?" May questioned.

"Well, that Poochyena was a baby, correct?" Ash asked. May nodded again. "Well, as you know, I'm 14, pretty far from being a baby, and I'm a whole lot bigger than a Poochyena." Ash continued.

"Yeah, so what does this have to do with defeating Mewtwo?" May asked.

"If all that energy ball did to me was make my shoulder hurt unbearably, and not blow it off, then that means we have a chance. The reason we were all running from Mewtwo is because we thought its energy balls could blow us up, right?" Ash said. Everyone nodded. "Then that means we can fight back. We don't have to run every time Mewtwo comes to us." Ash said.

"But, knowing this, how are we going to defeat Mewtwo?" Brendan questioned.

"Well, Mewtwo's a psychic type, right?" Ash asked. Everyone nodded. "Well, what are psychic types weak against?" Ash asked.

"I read in a book on Pokemon elements once that psychic types are weak against their own type." Brendan replied.

"And steel and ghost types have a fighting chance, too." May added.

"Ok then. Does anybody have a dark, steel or psychic type?" Ash asked.

"I have all three." Brendan replied.

"Bring them out." Ash said. Brendan threw three Poke Balls into the air. A Steelix, Dusclops and Gardevoir appeared. "Cool. Does anybody else have a steel, ghost or psychic type? We're gonna need more than three." Ash said.

"I have a Banette." May stated.

"Bring it out." Ash replied. May threw a Poke Ball into the air. A Banette appeared in front of her. "Ok, I guess four is pretty good. Now, let's start working on a plan to defeat Mewtwo with them." Ash said. The others all walked closer to him and they began to discuss their plans.

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Sorry, I know my chapters have been short lately, but I'm kind of busy. As I told you before, I'm so not gonna abandon this fic. I'll try to have chapter 10 up as soon as possible. Everyone tell me what you thought!
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  #33  
Old 08-07-2006, 06:04 PM
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Default Re: The Last Battle - Ash vs. Mewtwo

Interesting story so far..it surprises me you,abbi and jessineese all girls,all from South Carolina and all good fan-fic writers do you three know each other by any chance?
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  #34  
Old 08-07-2006, 06:07 PM
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Default Re: The Last Battle - Ash vs. Mewtwo

Quote:
Originally Posted by May Norman View Post
Interesting story so far..it surprises me you,abbi and jessineese all girls,all from South Carolina and all good fan-fic writers do you three know each other by any chance?
Yeah, as a matter of fact, we do. We're related.
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  #35  
Old 08-07-2006, 06:10 PM
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Default Re: The Last Battle - Ash vs. Mewtwo

Quote:
Originally Posted by angel_fire View Post
Yeah, as a matter of fact, we do. We're related.
Interesting,so is there rivalry between you guys?As far as fan-fics are concerned?
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  #36  
Old 08-07-2006, 06:12 PM
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Default Re: The Last Battle - Ash vs. Mewtwo

Quote:
Originally Posted by May Norman View Post
Interesting,so is there rivalry between you guys?As far as fan-fics are concerned?
Uh, sort of. We all strive to be the best fanfic writer out of the three of us. So far, it looks like a tie. Abbi hasn't been on in a while, I noticed. I really wish she'd write another chapter for "What friends are for".
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  #37  
Old 08-07-2006, 06:31 PM
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Default Re: The Last Battle - Ash vs. Mewtwo

Yep. We're related alright. And we do have a little rivalry between each other with our fanfics, but that doesn't stop us from complimenting each other. Great job, angel_fire!
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  #38  
Old 08-08-2006, 02:17 PM
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Default Re: The Last Battle - Ash vs. Mewtwo

Quote:
Originally Posted by jessieneese View Post
Yep. We're related alright. And we do have a little rivalry between each other with our fanfics, but that doesn't stop us from complimenting each other. Great job, angel_fire!
I know its called sportsmanship....
which most boys don't have
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  #39  
Old 08-09-2006, 04:23 PM
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Default Re: The Last Battle - Ash vs. Mewtwo

Best fan-fic ive ever read, nice job!!
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  #40  
Old 08-09-2006, 06:21 PM
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Default Re: The Last Battle - Ash vs. Mewtwo

Yes, awesome fic so far, angel_fire. I can't wait to read more!
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  #41  
Old 08-10-2006, 06:32 AM
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Thumbs up Re: The Last Battle - Ash vs. Mewtwo

Wow, this is an inducemental incitement for Mewtwo, which is likely going to win. Yay!
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  #42  
Old 08-16-2006, 04:47 PM
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Default Re: The Last Battle - Ash vs. Mewtwo

Chapter 10: A Fighting Chance?

A crash erupted from across the field.

"Get ready everybody," Brendan said. Mewtwo appeared in front of them, energy ball already in hand. Brendan didn't hesitate to give his Pokemon a command. "Dusclops, Psybeam! Gardevoir, Psychic! Steelix, Bite!" he called out. May followed Brendan's lead.

"Banette, use your Shadow Ball attack!" she yelled. All of the attacks were launched at the same time. Surprisingly, all of the attacks hit their target. But sadly, Mewtwo didn't seem hurt at all. Everyone gasped. Mewtwo laughed.

"Ignorant humans. You thought you could harm me?" it boomed. It hurled an energy ball at them all. Everyone jumped out of the way. Pikachu jumped forward and sent a huge bolt of lightning flying at Mewtwo. Mewtwo blocked it, then hurled an energy ball at Pikachu.

"Pikachu, no!" Ash cried, jumping forward and grabbed Pikachu. He rolled out of the energy ball's way just in time. Mewtwo narrowed its eyes at Ash.

"You've proven to be a very unique human," it said. Ash looked up, surprised.

"What?" he asked. Mewtwo acted as if it hadn't heard Ash.

"But that will not change what I am going to do," it said, another energy ball forming in its hands. It hurled it at Ash and Pikachu. Ash again jumped out of the way. Pikachu jumped out of Ash's arms and sent another ball at Pikachu. This time, it hit and Pikachu went flying into Ash. It rolled down to the ground, motionless.

"Pikachu!" Ash said, picking it back up. May and Brendan started to run over to Ash, but soon found themselves frozen by Mewtwo's Psychic attack.

Ash gently shook Pikachu. "Pikachu, please. Wake up," he pleaded. Pikachu remained motionless. Ash looked up sharply when he heard Mewtwo charging up an energy ball. May and Brendan were standing right next to each other, perfect for a two for one hit. "No!" he cried. He turned to Brendan and May's Pokemon. "All of you! Attack!" he yelled. Although Ash wasn't their trainer, all of the Pokemon obeyed him and sent out an attack at the same time Mewtwo launched the energy ball. Mewtwo's energy ball was canceled out.

May's Banette snuck around behind Mewtwo and hit it with an attack. Mewtwo's Psychic hold on May and Brendan was released; they could move again. Ash smiled with relief. Pikachu stirred in his hands. He looked down at it.

"Pikachu? You ok?" he asked. Pikachu nodded and slowly got up. Ash turned to the others. "Guys, let'd go back to our first plan." he said. Everyone knew what he was talking about. They all turned and ran through the field away from Mewtwo. But, this time, Mewtwo went after them.

"Ok, the Pokemon idea didn't work out very well. Any other brilliant plans, Ash?" Brendan asked as he returned his Pokemon to their Poke Balls. May did the same.

"Oh, save it Brendan. You agreed with me and you know it," Ash replied.

"We all did," May added. Up ahead, threre were buildings, and surprisingly, lights.

"A town!" Max yelled, pointing ahead. Ash and Brendan stopped arguing and looked ahead of them.

"Maybe there's some Antidote there," Brendan said, thinking back to Ash's poison problem.

"Well, that won't matter if Mewtwo kills me before I get it inside of me." Ash said, glancing back at Mewtwo behind them. An energy ball hit the ground just behind their feet, causing everyone to almost fall.

They finally reached the city, and Ash led everyone behind a building. Surprisingly, Mewtwo hadn't seen where they went.

"So, what do we do now?" Brendan asked, leaning against the wall. Ash was silent. He didn't really know what to do anymore. He was out of ideas. The sound of screams filled the air. May sighed as Max grabbed onto her leg and hid behind it. Nurse Joy was so still it looked as if she were a statue. Brendan bit his lip and glanced around the corner. Ash put his back up against the wall and tried to slow down the furious beating of his heart by taking deep breathes slowly. Finally, he spoke.

"Alright. It obviously wants to kill me first, so why don't I just go out there and get it over with?" he said.

"Ash, have you lost it?" Brendan cried. "You can't let Mewtwo kill you. I won't let you." Ash had come off the wall and was standing in front of Brendan.

"The poison's gonna get to me anyway. What's the difference?" Ash replied. Brendan grabbed him by the shoulders and pinned him against the wall.

"No," he said sternly. "We'll find you some Antidote. We'll cure you. I promise. I'm not gonna let you die." On Ash's shoulder, Pikachu let out a low growl. Ash looked at it.

"What the matter, Pikachu?" he asked. Pikachu jumped down from Ash's shoulder and stood at the edge of the wall, its fur standing on end and its cheeks sparking. Ash tried to get away from Brendan, but his grip was too strong. "Brendan, let me go," he said. He started wriggling around, trying to get free from Brendan.

"Ash, I'm not letting you go out there," Brendan replied. Ash sank to the ground and crawled out from in front of Brendan. He got to his feet and ran over to Pikachu.

"Pikachu, what is it?" he asked. Pikachu turned around and let out a low growl at Ash. Ash took a step back. "What's wrong with you?" he asked as Pikachu continued to growl at him.

"Ash, get away from it," May said slowly, taking Ash's arm and gently pulling him back. Ash allowed her to lead him backwards toward Nurse Joy.

"Nurse Joy, what's wrong with my Pikachu?" he asked once he was beside her.

"I don't know," Nurse Joy replied. "But whatever it is, it seems pretty serious."
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  #43  
Old 08-16-2006, 06:16 PM
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Default Re: The Last Battle - Ash vs. Mewtwo

Wow, what a story! I hope Pikachu gets better.

Plot (10/10)
- - - - - - - - - - -

Okay, the plotting category passed here. A fan-fic with Mewtwo in it? Nice.

Grammar and Spelling (9.75/10)
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

This practically passed. I did see a few errors in part of the whole story.



Length (10/10)
- - - - - - - - - - - -

This story is extremely long, just like most stories should be!

Details of Plot (10/10)
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The description of the plot (the fight) is excellent. You planned out the fight perfectly, and you've even described the physical fight with that Team Rocket guy. I forgot his name.

Separation (8/10)
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

You separated this fan fiction very neatly. Just try a bit more harder on this.


Overall (47.75/50)
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Okay, this is an excellent fan fiction. I'm not lying about it.
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  #44  
Old 08-20-2006, 02:23 AM
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Default Re: The Last Battle - Ash vs. Mewtwo

Brendan pushy! Lol, another great chapter, angel_fire. I totally agree with Sky Fire. Awesome fic!

I wonder what's wrong with Pikachu....
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  #45  
Old 08-20-2006, 08:06 PM
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Default Re: The Last Battle - Ash vs. Mewtwo

This is awesome! The spelling, grammar and stuff could be beter, and mabey just a tiny little more realism, espeicially when discribing pokemon and their attacks. the story is exellent! the only other thing is work on charecterization. overall, great! oh, and if you were looking for a number, here you go:
*drumroll*
You score...
...
9.8/10!
Exellent!
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