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  #1  
Old 04-04-2006, 02:08 PM
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Default The Review Roundup w/Redlark

Welcome to Redlark's Review Roundup!!

So I'm excepting to take on the challenge of reading stories and doing reviews for them.

Here's the Rules:

1. If you'd like your story to be reviewed, just post in this thread with a link to your story.

2. Complete stories are recommended.

3. The Story(ies) that you ask to be reviewed DON'T have to be fully complete, though. But they should be A LEAST longer than a three posts. Unless your whole story is written in one or two posts.

4. Please only request one story at a time. This will allow more people to to have their stories reviewed, instead of a single author's stories reviewed all in a row.

Example:
Quote:
Andrew's post: I'd like you to review my story, Blah Blah, What-what?
Kim's post: Tears of a Ratatta Review that pleeze.
Andrew's post: Since i'm not double posting. Can you also do Blah Blah, What-what? 2: a hero returns after "Tears of a Ratatta." Thank you.
etc...
5. Rule #4 changes if I get A LOT of review requests. Then I try to do as many different authors as possible. If review requests are very low, then MAYBE I might do two stories by the same author in the row.

6. Comments on my reviews, how I review, etc. are totally fine to post in this thread.

7. ALL basic rules of the PE2K Forums apply. No spamming, no unneeded language (though sometimes lenient), no crap topics, etc. Just read the Forum rules if you don't know what I mean.

8. I don't mind PM's, but please refrain from "hate mail" if I say something stuped (like mispelling stupid), please and thank you.

9. Stories can be from ANYWHERE on the PE2K forums. They could be from this sub-forum, the "Other Fics" Forum, and they even could be URPG fictions.

10. Poems are not excepted as review submissions. No matter how "good" or "bad" they may be.

11. I highly doubt this happening, due to the time and commitment of writing them, but "Epic Poetry" is excepted.

12. Blah, Blah, Blah. Have fun and all that jazz.

Sooooooooo...

Who would like to have their story reviewed?

Last edited by Redlark; 07-05-2007 at 05:18 AM.
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  #2  
Old 04-04-2006, 05:27 PM
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Default Re: The Review Roundup w/Redlark

Now and Forever

Chapter One and Two are up (which add up to four posts)

Its a journey fic, but I plan to add a lot of twists and turns.

You should sticky this.
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  #3  
Old 04-05-2006, 01:20 AM
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Default Re: The Review Roundup w/Redlark

Sweetness, my first project. I'll try to get your review in as soon as possible.
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  #4  
Old 04-05-2006, 01:43 AM
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Default Re: The Review Roundup w/Redlark

Is it possible that you could also review non-Pokemon writings? :x
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  #5  
Old 04-05-2006, 01:54 AM
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Default Re: The Review Roundup w/Redlark

Quote:
Originally Posted by Redlark
9. Stories can be from ANYWHERE on the PE2K forums. They could be from this sub-forum, the "Other Fics" Forum, and they even could be URPG fictions.
I think that answers it.
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  #6  
Old 04-07-2006, 05:12 AM
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Like how S.Frost said. Yes I can review a non-pokemon story.

Story:
Now and Forever

Major Characters:
Conner, Kyle, Heather, Ash, May

Review:
After reading Now and Forever for the first time, I shuffled around the forums and did my “research.” Comparatively, this story is definitely a step up from Sceptile Frost’s previous works. Major characters are seemingly deeper in some ways, though the interaction between Ash and May was a bit laughable with the kissing. I’m guessing Sceptile’s a big May fan, perhaps? Maybe it’s my own personal bias, because I like Misty better than May.

Conner’s relationship between his father, Kyle, is very believable and from what little there is written of the story, makes me very curious on what may or may not happen between the two of them in the latter parts of the story. They both carry the strong love of father and son, but are beginning to become torn by the feelings of age. Conner is coming to an age where he wants to grow up and “experience” all the inner-workings of life. Kyle, has seen a whole lot of life, and in same feelings with his wife, and doesn’t want Conner to make the wrong decision that could jeopardize the rest of his career.

But what route Conner will really take is what makes me thirsty for more postings of Now and Forever.

An interesting quirk I found with this story was the unconnected scene with Ash. Knowing the anime series and Ash’s adventures, I’m curious on how their journey through the story will come through. How will Ash and Friends aid or conflict Conner? Overall, it’s a fun add-in of famous characters.

A lot of people on this site complain about length. I don’t. I personally believe the more you can say with less (without turning your story cliché or cheesy) is better. The only reason why people complain about length is the amount of content and effort that’s put into a story. If you have no content, you have no story. Luckily, Now and Forever is far from being considered “too short” or “lacking content.”

The situation between Heather and Conner is classic, and I love it to death. If not, Heather seems a bit soft with Conner, but retrospectively I have no problems and find the relationship sweet.

I’m a bit of a sap, so I want to see if Heather and Conner end up together. Maybe they do, maybe they don’t. I also love tragedy. The set up explaining the situation was a bit to expository for my likings, but somehow Sceptile pulls it off.

Now, I’ve never been the biggest fan of “journey fics,” so when I come across a “journey fic” I always:

1. Sigh heavily when the Professor asks the new trainer to choose one out of three pokemon.
2. Surprised when: “Oh no, I’m out of pokemon, here’s my secret one.” Lo and behold, it’s a Pikachu!
3. Realize there’s a rival by the name of Gary.

I don’t know where I’ve seen this beginning sequence before, but if fanfic writers begin writing like this in the name of creativity, I’ll throw myself in the river screaming the Declaration of Independence.

BUT!!! When I read Now and Forever, I was pleased/relieved to see and learn that this Journey Fic doesn’t parallel the anime in the beginning. Also, what happens at the end of what’s written really was a neat twist in the story. I’m eager to read more. Keep writing Sceptile Frost, you’ve got some talent and a good story going. Keep it up dude! ;-)

Rating:7.5
I’m a tough rater, so don’t think a 7.5 is bad. It’s very good.

The following tail piece of this review are technical notes that most readers don’t enjoy reading. If you want to skip this part, I totally understand. My rants are exactly that… rants.

Technical (Punctuation/Grammar) Notes:
Pre P.S. There’s a lot written, but really it’s not that much. It’s just a recap of some very minor spelling stuff and a very minor fact note.

I’ll try to push the technical crap out of the way as quick as I can. A few spelling mistakes: almost every single time you try to spell, “thought,” it comes out as “though.” I think the problem is that you’re using a PC with Word or Works. Word and Works has the automatic spell check (which I find annoying as crap, because minor problems come out like ALL the time when I try to type up a word, but find myself misspelling it, but then it comes out as something completely different. Or an imaginary word. I hope this made sense.) Other than that, there’s just a couple small mistakes. I think you just need to print it out and look over it once or twice in a hard copy format with a friend. Not saying it’s the most fun thing in the world to edit, but you know what I mean. If anything, just read it over. ;-)

Dialogue, for some reason or the other, seems a bit shaky in a couple sections, but well done overall. Very good dialogue hard and very different from prose, but just as powerful (if not more powerful in certain situations). I’m not telling you to change anything, because it works how it is right now, but don’t get carried away with too much. You’re doing a good job with though.

(If you do not want a history lesson, you’re free to skip over the following paragraph.)
This is a VERY minor detail. There’s nobility in almost all societies around the world, even Africa to an extent. Look up pre-European Imperial Colonies, Kongo Kingdom, Ethiopia, Gambia, Zulu, etc. Nobility and noble rights come from the older feudal systems that were in place for hundreds of years and such. The upper class that governed the people and had control over the local government and parts of the military. “You pay me taxes, I protect you from jerks that want to invade us.” The power of the noble system in Europe had its major downfall in the 16-1700’s with the advent of Absolutism. Then a small comback in the 1800’s with “smart” nobles taking advantage of the Industrial revolution and using the money they had left to good use. Japan does have nobility, of course they’re nowhere near as powerful as they were before the Meiji Dynasty/ Industrial Revolution of the 1800’s, but they’re still sort of there. Similar to what happened in Europe; either the nobility was smart and maintained their power by using the money they already had to good use, joined the mafia underground, or either that slowly lost their power. Now culturally, the nobility is very different from European nobility. Japan tends to be closer linked with the Samurai Chivalry, Etc. My basis of knowing this is that I’m half Japanese with a lot of noble crap in my blood, and I’ve done research with my parents etc. blah, blah, blah……

But yes, you are correct. The traditions of nobility is very different with England, making them Very different from the rest of the world.
(I’m sorry for ranting on that, but there’s background information that supports all these claims.)

ANYWAY!!! If you somebody’s made it to this point of my review, you really have some balls. Now take a break from my crap and make a sandwich or something.

Last edited by Redlark; 04-12-2006 at 05:05 AM.
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  #7  
Old 04-08-2006, 07:16 PM
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Default Re: The Review Roundup w/Redlark

Could you review what is up of The Quest for the Legends version IALCOTN so far? The link is in my sig. Thanks in advance.
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  #8  
Old 04-08-2006, 07:49 PM
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When Altarias Get Hyper

Genre: Humor/Action/Adventure/Insanity/Parody
Rated: PG with mild language.
Summary: Taria accidently ate too much sugar and gets a bad case of sugar rush. Now, it's up to Blaze, Kip, and the rest of the team to stop her before she destroys Kanto! Insanity fic!

I'd appreciate review. Gonna edit it...
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  #9  
Old 04-08-2006, 09:39 PM
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Default Re: The Review Roundup w/Redlark

I'd be appreciative if you could review:

The Ties that Bind

It's an Original Trainer One-shot that's complete. ^_^ I'd be happy for whatever critique I could get.
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  #10  
Old 04-08-2006, 09:43 PM
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Default Re: The Review Roundup w/Redlark

Quote:
Originally Posted by Redlark
Major characters are seemingly deeper in some ways, though the interaction between Ash and May was a bit laughable with the kissing. I’m guessing Sceptile’s a big May fan, perhaps? Maybe it’s my own personal bias, because I like Misty better than May.
Guilty as charged

Quote:
Originally Posted by Redlark
But what route Conner will really take is what makes me thirsty for more postings of Now and Forever.

An interesting quirk I found with this story was the unconnected scene with Ash. Knowing the anime series and Ash’s adventures, I’m curious on how their journey through the story will come through. How will Ash and Friends aid or conflict Conner? Overall, it’s a fun add-in of famous characters.
You'll find out in chapter 3

Quote:
Originally Posted by Redlark
Now, I’ve never been the biggest fan of “journey fics,” so when I come across a “journey fic” I always:

1. Sigh heavily when the Professor asks the new trainer to choose one out of three pokemon.
2. Surprised when: “Oh no, I’m out of pokemon, here’s my secret one.” Lo and behold, it’s a Pikachu!
3. Realize there’s a rival by the name of Gary.

I don’t know where I’ve seen this beginning sequence before, but if fanfic writers begin writing like this in the name of creativity, I’ll throw myself in the river screaming the Declaration of Independence.

BUT!!! When I read Now and Forever, I was pleased/relieved to see and learn that this Journey Fic doesn’t parallel the anime in the beginning. Also, what happens at the end of what’s written really was a neat twist in the story. I’m eager to read more. Keep writing Sceptile Frost, you’ve got some talent and a good story going. Keep it up dude! ;-)
I really tried to not make it cliche.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Redlark
I’ll try to push the technical crap out of the way as quick as I can. A few spelling mistakes: almost every single time you try to spell, “thought,” it comes out as “though.” I think the problem is that you’re using a PC with Word or Works.
Yeah, I have problems with "thought" and "though"

Quote:
Originally Posted by Redlark

(If you do not want a history lesson, you’re free to skip over the following paragraph.)
This is a VERY minor detail. There’s nobility in almost all societies around the world, even Africa to an extent. Look up pre-European Imperial Colonies, Kongo Kingdom, Ethiopia, Gambia, Zulu, etc. Nobility and noble rights come from the older feudal systems that were in place for hundreds of years and such. The upper class that governed the people and had control over the local government and parts of the military. “You pay me taxes, I protect you from jerks that want to invade us.” The power of the noble system in Europe had its major downfall in the 16-1700’s with the advent of Absolutism. Then a small comback in the 1800’s with “smart” nobles taking advantage of the Industrial revolution and using the money they had left to good use. Japan does have nobility, of course they’re nowhere near as powerful as they were before the Meiji Dynasty/ Industrial Revolution of the 1800’s, but they’re still sort of there. Similar to what happened in Europe; either the nobility was smart and maintained their power by using the money they already had to good use, joined the mafia underground, or either that slowly lost their power. Now culturally, the nobility is very different from European nobility. Japan tends to be closer linked with the Samurai Chivalry, Etc. My basis of knowing this is that I’m half Japanese with a lot of noble crap in my blood, and I’ve done research with my parents etc. blah, blah, blah……

But yes, you are correct. The traditions of nobility is very different with England, making them Very different from the rest of the world.
(I’m sorry for ranting on that, but there’s background information that supports all these claims.)
Yeah, I'm sorta' referring to the present-day of the fic.

Thanks for the review. I agree. If you compare the first version of NF I posted here to the 2nd, its really improved.
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  #11  
Old 04-10-2006, 12:07 AM
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Default Re: The Review Roundup w/Redlark

Okay, sweetness
I'll be right on it Dragonfree, Hikari Blaze, and Saphire Persion. I'm excited to read your work.

Oh, and thanks for the review feedback Sceptile.
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  #12  
Old 04-10-2006, 07:00 AM
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Story:
The Quest for Legends

Characters:
Mark, Mom, Dad, Mrs. Grodski, Charmander, Mr. Flintlake, and Eevee. There was also, the Mystery Pokemon.

Review:
The story takes place in a completely different area called Ouen, northwest Ouen to be exact. Northwest Ouen, and the city of Sailance, have an odd effect on Pokemon, making it almost devoid of any Pokelife. Any pokemon in the area find themselves becoming very weak to the point of sleeping all day. Very little is said about it, except for being “mysterious” and Dragonfree only shows the effects Northwest Ouen has. Causing the reader to barely even understand what the secret behind that area really is. I’m being redundant, but I really like the concept. I wont take the idea from Dragonfree, but if I lacked morals, I would.

The prologue, all I’ve got to say is, ‘dang girl.’ The only problem is, and I don’t even think it’s a problem at all (since it got me to read to the end without stopping for food and such); The prologue is cryptic as heck, but it works. Throughout the story, the thought and image of the prologue is engraved in my mind because it contrasts the rest of the story so much. Also, I found myself reading through the story trying, then skimming through it a couple times, to figure out what the heck happened in the prologue. I looked for foreshadows or anything that popped up with the story: Mark doodling a Lugia and/or the quick mention of the “Color Dragons.”

Now I spend so much time mentioning the prologue, because of one thing: Dragonfree did a very-very good job at grabbing me by the collar and saying, “Here’s the conflict, Fool!” The prologue’s a disturbing image to think about, but the major conflict of the story itself is shown right off the bat. Being a dramatic writer at heart, I love the plot device used to death--It seems to be following a Sci-Fi or Horror diagram. Either way, I want to see what happens to Mark and what connection he has with the Prologue. (*tech note #1)

Mark, the main character of the story finds himself struggling with with Battling Class, because he lacks the motivation to even try hard at his homework and such. His parents don't want him to go on a Pokemon Journey, so Mark believes he wont. That's up until he see's a fainted Charmander lying in the middle of the street during a rainstorm.

Taking in the Charmander, Mark's motivation comes back and he finds himself actually studying for Battle Class.

The "extras" in the story, mostly 3 and 4, got a little bit slow. They're not necessary, but add so much depth if you read them through. (*tech note #2)

There seems to be a lot of twists and turns coming. Honestly, this is the beginning of an awesome story. I want to read more. Very adventure and plot based.

A fun idea that came up was “Pokemon Speech.” In some ways, this gives Mark an edge as a Pokemon trainer, because he's really good at understanding the Pokemon languages. The dialogue with the Eevee should be very interesting.

If it seems like I'm leaving a lot of things out, I am. I don't want to give away the story, because there's too much to say and just reading it is quite exciting.

Bringing everything I read together; the thing that keeps me reading is the huge epic style plot that seems to be taking place. I’m very eager to read more, and I’m on my toes trying to figure out what’s going to happen. There's also a lot of neat ideas Dragonfree keeps on coming up with. Please keep writing, Dragonfree.

Rating: 8.4
Very Creative. You’ve gained a reader.

Technical Notes for Dragonfree:
1. The only problem I have with the prologue is that, you really could’ve elaborated a bit more. Not saying you should get rid of the mystery by explaining what happened in detail. But you could’ve showed more action, maybe more description of the gory battle that had just taken place, etc. But then again; the shortness keeps it a quick sting to the reader’s mind. A little more gory details wouldn’t of hurt though.

2. Like you said about “extras,” they’re really not necessary to the story at all. It’s just a cheap excuse to interject background information without having to interweave it into the story somehow. Even then, a reader would probably still enjoy the story just as much without the “extras.” I’m not saying take out the Extras, but I am saying, they’re really not that necessary. They only seem to add girth to what the reader is forced to read. BUT, having the extras does show how deeply thought out your story is. Also, doing my “research” on You the author (profile and crap), I’m impressed.

Overall; the “extras” are like footnotes in a novel, not a lot of people like reading them, and at most costs you should try to avoid them. But in the end the reader learns so much more about the story’s world by having them there. Which in the long run, the reader is more satisfied with the story, because you give them the feeling that they’ve just learned about some deep complicated world, making them feel smart (which is a very good thing to do). Not saying your readers are idiots, but making them feel gratified and giving them something nice to walk away with is always good.

I should mention though, you should try to avoid “extras” when you reach a climactic moment, it’ll divert the readers attention from the actual story itself. Making really awesome scenes and chapters less impressive, because you just now flashed a crap load of backstory into the readers face. It’s like what Charles Dickens or Victor Hugo does; you explain soooooo much and soooooo long on history and description that most modern readers says to themselves, “What the hell was I reading again? Oh yeah, it’s a story, not a text book.”

Other Notes: Grammar issues were at a minimum, which is always nice; and style issues weren’t that major. All I say is that you should probably watch out for the “flow” of the story. It seemed a little bit jumpy with the Eevee sequence. I didn’t get confused, but I’m sure for somebody that’s not used the writing technique, might get confused.

And, about “story flow;” just keep in mind to not drag. Not saying it really dragged in the story, but it seems like there might be the small possibility of dragging later on.

Very creative story, I was happy to read it.

Last edited by Redlark; 04-12-2006 at 05:05 AM.
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Old 04-10-2006, 04:52 PM
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Default Re: The Review Roundup w/Redlark

Quote:
1. The only problem I have with the prologue is that, you really could’ve elaborated a bit more. Not saying you should get rid of the mystery by explaining what happened in detail. But you could’ve showed more action, maybe more description of the gory battle that had just taken place, etc. But then again; the shortness keeps it a quick sting to the reader’s mind. A little more gory details wouldn’t of hurt though.
I think they would have, actually. If I added an action scene to the prologue, it would either make the scene that's currently in it seem out of place or at least draw the attention from it too much for my liking. The details of that scene are more important than you think. Aside from that, it would kill the mystery of what exactly happened there, which is also important.

The extras are not supposed to be something you're "forced to read" at all - in fact, if an extra is actually interesting enough to stand on its own, I post it separately as a one-shot. Heard of J.K. Rowling's "Quidditch Through the Ages" and "Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them"? Well, think of the extras as that kind of thing. They're not something you have to read and don't contain any important information that you can't access otherwise. They're just fun things to read if you're curious about how people can teach Pokémon speech in chapter 3, or about where exactly the "never catch an unconscious Pokémon" rule comes from. Just to make that clear, there are NOT many extras in this fic. The next extra will most likely be after chapter 7, and then (unless I add in an extra that wasn't there in the revision before this one) there is just one for chapter 27. So basically, they're not exactly disturbing your reading after every other chapter. They're just a sort of "by the way, if you're curious about that..." thing - entirely optional to read, but as you said, they add some more depth if you do read them.

Quote:
And, about “story flow;” just keep in mind to not drag. Not saying it really dragged in the story, but it seems like there might be the small possibility of dragging later on.
Oh, this story is generally fast-paced, so don't worry about that. It takes a bit long for the details of what was going on on the prologue to be revealed, but there should be plenty of stuff to keep you occupied until then.

Thanks a lot for the review. :)
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Old 04-10-2006, 08:32 PM
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Quote:
The extras are not supposed to be something you're "forced to read" at all - in fact, if an extra is actually interesting enough to stand on its own, I post it separately as a one-shot. Heard of J.K. Rowling's "Quidditch Through the Ages" and "Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them"? Well, think of the extras as that kind of thing. They're not something you have to read and don't contain any important information that you can't access otherwise. They're just fun things to read if you're curious about how people can teach Pokémon speech in chapter 3, or about where exactly the "never catch an unconscious Pokémon" rule comes from. Just to make that clear, there are NOT many extras in this fic. The next extra will most likely be after chapter 7, and then (unless I add in an extra that wasn't there in the revision before this one) there is just one for chapter 27. So basically, they're not exactly disturbing your reading after every other chapter. They're just a sort of "by the way, if you're curious about that..." thing - entirely optional to read, but as you said, they add some more depth if you do read them.
I see, that's cool. I might do that in a later story of my own.
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Old 04-12-2006, 05:04 AM
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I'm not sure how, but I really got into this review. The tech notes are important. They show my version of an in-depth analysis of comedic style, lol.

Title:
When Altarias Get Hyper

Review:
First and foremost, I should applaud Hikari Blaze and say, “I thought HKim was the only one here one crack.” Just kidding, Harry. But, wow… Dang… I’m at a standstill of opinions here… I laughed, but then again; I found myself asking, “What the heck am I reading?”

I have to admit, the Flashback and the beginning of Chapter 2 was pretty dang funny. Taria going on rampage was good, and Blaze freaking out in the Flashback was wacked out. The Caps Lock was a bit tiring, though, haha.

Hmm… It’s very hard for me to even take this review seriously. I honestly loved reading this story, though. And I only recommend others reading it if they’re in the mood for an “Off the Wall” comedy.

Now, unlike a lot of my reviews. I recommend more than Hikari Blaze to read the technical notes. The reason is, this type of “super zany” story is probably one of the hardest styles to write. It’s weird, but I’ll explain why.

But overall, I sort of like this fanfic. I know for sure, it’s definitely not everybody’s cup of tea. Some of you may even be like, “this is the worst crap I’ve ever read.” But if you’re in the mood for something random; or tired/depressed and need a good random laugh to bring you back into reality, or just want to pee your pants with something totally wacky. Read this story.

Rating: 6.8
You’re an insane cookie Hikari Blaze; but I’m looking forward to the rest of your story.

Technical Notes for Hikari Blaze:
The only true “editing” thing I really recommend is that you go look over it once or twice for some minor grammar things, but don’t elaborate too much on description. But do describe funny things, just not scenes and areas. With this kind of comedy style, you really have to keep things rolling FAST.

Now structurally, I recommend that you find a conclusion to the story pretty soon. You don’t have to, but knowing the comedy style, I recommend it. I say this, not as an insult in any way; but I say it as a tech note on structure. It’s VERY hard to keep this type of comedy going for too long. The reason is, you can only explode so many bombs in your reader’s face without tiring them out. Which also means; it’s very hard to get funnier and funnier, crazier and crazier, without killing your readers. Of course, this isn’t always ture, as in the case of Conan O’Brian. Conan tends to beat a dead horse so long, that it just gets outright freaking hilarious. Which is deceivingly harder to do than it looks.

Also, this type of comedy usually sort of follows the “Dramatic Comedy” structure.

The “Dramatic Comedy” structure goes from bottom to top in a line graph. Sad to happy, over time. Normal to happy, over time. In Classical context; all the characters are lonely; but in the end, they find husbands and wives. I mention this structure, because a “zany/crazy” comedy follows this almost methodically.

I’m sure you already have an idea of what you want to do, and already have an idea of what is right unknowingly, but here’s the thing. To make the following parts and the end of this story to be super hilarious, is to make it funnier than it already is. It’s the stand-up comedy idea of set up and punch line. If you’ve already had something super funny, get funnier. Pull something out to the readers that they didn’t expect to see coming. Don’t elaborate too much on details (you already have a good idea of this, I think), details will only slow the story down.

A good example of accidental slow down in a zany comedy is in my story, “Pika Pika Picnic.” In the third post, I’ve gotten comments that it’s not as funny as the first two. The reason is, I’ve started to elaborate too much on the story. And, the story itself has gotten so crazy and random, it’s almost an impossibility to get crazier without making your readers brains go numb, or sacrificing comedy for plot. BUT, the reason I sacrificed comedy for plot in “Pika Pika Picnic” is because the fourth and final post is (hopefully) funnier and more random than the first three combined. Also bringing the story to an end with a huge punch the readers never expected.

The slow third post also creates a small down time for the readers; they’ve gained back their breaths from laughing so hard that when the super funny thing hits, they wont be tired from laughing hysterically to the end.

One other important thing about this type of comedic style of writing is that, endings and conclusions shouldn’t be elaborate at all. If you linger too much in the end, the climax (punch line) loses it’s it’s “umpf” with too many details of what happened to the characters in the end. Really and ending of this story should just be something short and sweet. Maybe even along the lines of “Andy Griffith.”

“Oh that silly goose.” Everybody laughs.

I guess after all this boring rambling, what I’m trying to say is. You’ve got get crazier to finally smack the readers in the head with that climax two-by-four.

Here’s the graph.



As a side note: some of you may know this graph. The inverse, happy to sad. Is the “Dramatic Tragedy.” I take this drama theory straight out of Shakespeare and Aristotle.

But whatever… I enjoyed your story, no matter how insane it became. It was entertaining.
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