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Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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  #1  
Old 03-23-2006, 02:48 AM
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Default Base-Side Manners

Base-Side Manners

Note: This story is somewhat old and not very good, so I apologize in advance if this is lacking.

Rocket Secret Base
Somewhere in Hoenn


The hall echoed with the footsteps of Team Rocket members, ranging from all ages and ranks. With heads held high and proud strides, it was obvious that the organization was up to their usual, dirty deeds. One of the men walked forward, his hair the came color as his clothes, with an anxious grunt by his side. They came to a large door with DIVISION OFFICIAL lettered in black, and he motioned for the young woman to go on ahead. With a sigh, she waited for him to leave and snuck a peek at what it was she was carrying, wondering how she had made it to such a place.

Jasmine looked through the long list she held in her hand, clutching at her purple uniform nervously. It was the first time she had been assigned such an important job for the two years she worked for the illustrious Team Rocket, and she was deathly afraid of making a mistake. Tucking her black hair behind her shoulders and checking her compact to make sure she looked appropriate (a woman with a streak of long, red hair had chastised earlier that week for not wearing make-up), she took a deep sigh and knocked on the wooden door that loomed before her, wishing desperately that the person behind it had mysteriously vanished or taken the day off.

“Yes, come in,” a voice boomed, and Jasmine stepped inside, a fake smile plastered on her face. She brought the important document out of its manila folder and presented it to the man who sat at the large desk inside of the darkened room, her hands trembling.

“Do we have all of the Pokemon for this week listed, Jasmine?” her superior, Kain, asked. An older man who was as big as his temper, he watched the young woman fiddle with her skirt and take a deep breath, which he knew meant that the incoming answer was not one that he would like.

“Well, we have everything,” she gulped, placing the list onto his desk. “That is, except for two specimens, which had been accounted for last night. We suspect that they managed to escape sometime between the early morning hours or this afternoon.”

Kain eyed her with contempt and stared at the list, hoping that one of the missing Pokemon was not one that the master was expecting. If that was the case, he feared that Jasmine would not be the only one to lose her head and her job tonight.
  • Check - - Mr. Mime
  • Check - - Scyther
  • Check - - Nincada
  • Check - - Mareep
  • X - - Seedot
  • Check - - Cascoon
  • Check - - Cubone
  • Check - - Swablu
  • Check - - Zangoose
  • Check - - Haunter
  • Check - - Misdreavus
  • Check - - Houndour
  • Check - - Chansey
  • X - - Staryu
  • Check - - Wurmple
  • Check - - Abra
  • Check - - Wailmer
  • Check - - Slowpoke
  • Check - - Totodile

He did not know whether to remain calm and assess the situation or to jump across the table and strangle her. The checked Pokemon had given him a sense of hope, up until he saw the two that had been marked by that red, solitary ‘X’. He ran a hand through his messy blond hair and turned to Jasmine, who appeared on the verge of tears.

“You know the Staryu was one of the shipments the master wanted by tomorrow,” he said, clenching his hands into fists. “I expected you to keep an eye on those creatures and you failed me.”

“I-I am sorry, sir,” Jasmine replied, biting her ruby lips. “It was the first time I have attempted to stay awake for an entire night, and I should have taken steps to make sure that I did the job right.”

“You’re damn right you should have!” Kain roared, motioning towards the door. “Get out of my office and find those things! You have until two in the morning when they have to be sent off, and you better hope that you have them by then.”

“O-Of course!” Jasmine replied, making a rush for the exit. “You can count on me to fix this, sir!” She slammed the door behind her and fought back the tears she felt coming to her eyes. She should have known that Kain would have reacted that way, especially since one of the Pokemon that had escaped was one that the master had wanted for months now. Heading for the storage room in the back of the base, which did not take long since this was one of their smaller operations, Jasmine took two Pokeballs from the shelves inside and sighed, wondering where two Pokemon could have gone.

This particular base was located in Mauville city, conveniently hidden under the local PokeMart. Known by other members as ‘MauOp2.0’, the operation was new and relatively successful, since meddling trainers had not yet discovered such a place existed. In fact, most people did not speculate that Team Rocket was this clever. Smaller shipments of Pokemon were sent to their boss through this system, and they had not yet encountered any problems … until this event, that is.

“You sure messed up this time,” a voice giggled, and Jasmine turned to see Judy, an older member of the team who was infamous for her battling skills and her atrocious laugh, which trainers all across the region of Hoenn had suffered.

“The situation is under control,” Jasmine growled, clipping the twin Pokeballs she had snatched onto the belt that was standard to the Rocket uniform. “Just keep out of this, Judy.”

“Kain certainly doesn’t see it that way,” she smiled, her face resembling that of a poisonous viper. Her hair was light green, the color of acid, which Jasmine found all too appropriate. She trudged down the hall and flashed the vile woman an obscene hand gesture, smacking the door to her quarters shut before Judy could retaliate with something of her own.

“I can’t stand that woman,” Jasmine growled, taking a seat onto the chair that Kain had gotten for her as a congratulatory gift for her good work just weeks before. If this were one of the more important Rocket bases, she probably could have found the Pokemon easily by accessing the cameras usually placed in each room from her computer, which she began to hammer at in frustration.

It beeped at her, and then something began to flash across the screen. It was an older model, so something like this was not unusual, but it appeared as though some sort of plan was being drawn up for her…

She took the tiny computer onto her lap, waiting for the blurry screen to subside. In just moments, an email flashed onto it. Apparently, someone had started to write something on her computer and forgot to delete it. Jasmine sat back and stared, not quite believing what it was she was reading.

Tyson,

This is in regards to Jasmine, who has been working at MauOp2.0 for the past five months. It is my personal opinion that she be terminated immediately, as I have been recording her progress for the duration of the time she has been working there. Three of her shipments have been late, another two have been cancelled due to her not being able to find the requested Pokemon and recently, she let a few Pokemon escape during her appointed rounds. With someone like her under our wings, I fear for the future of Team Rocket. Please take this into consideration and contact me with your feelings regarding the matter.

- Judy P.


Jasmine felt her nails digging into the sides of the chair she was sitting on, but she did not mind the pain. She always knew Judy was after her, but for her to do something like this was unforgivable. All she had done during her two years of service to the team was to provide her undying support and loyalty.

“That rat,” she hissed, switching the computer shut and standing from her seat. She had let that beast get away with this far too long. Heading back to the storage room, Jasmine stomped down the hall as loud as her boots would allow her to and called out for Judy, the tone in her voice suggesting that someone was in deep trouble.

“Did you call for me?” a voice echoed behind her, and it took Jasmine all of her strength to resist jumping at her throat. She turned to face her nemesis, whose smile was stretched across her entire face, her dark eyes glittering.

“You sent a message to the senior captain about me,” Jasmine snarled, placing her hands on her purple and white clad hips. “I saw it on my computer, so don’t even try and deny it.”

Judy didn’t even flinch. “Are you that surprised?” she asked, inspecting her crimson talon-like nails. “You’re nothing but a blot to Team Rocket, Jasmine. I’m tired of your constant errors. It’s about time something was done about you.”

“I’ve poured my heart and soul into making this operation better!” Jasmine retorted, pulling the Pokeballs she had grabbed earlier from her belt and preparing to toss them at her nemesis. “You can’t get rid of me!”

“Oh, I’m afraid I can,” Judy smiled, taking a tiny vial from her own belt and twisting the top open. “Sorry, sweetie, but it’s your time to leave.” Foul, dark gas began to seep from the container and before Jasmine could react, she breathed in the mixture and collapsed to the floor, gasping.

“Until this is all sorted out, I think you’ll like your new room,” Judy whispered, kneeling so that the younger woman would be able to hear her. “It’s a shame that this had to happen, but you should not have gotten on my bad side.” Jasmine tried to speak, but it was as though her mind had turned to soup. Her eyes clouded over and she could feel herself beginning to sleep, no matter how hard she resisted.

Rocket Secret Base
Basement

“My head,” Jasmine groaned, squeezing her eyes shut from the pain. “What happened to me?” She looked around and gasped, as she found herself in pitch blackness. The floor below her was cold, and upon placing her hands on its surface, Jasmine concluded that she was in the basement to the facility, which was also close to Mauville’s sewer system and separated only by a thin grating.

She stood up, groggily. How did she end up in such a horrible place? She used her hands to feel her surroundings, and was distressed to find that the metal door inside was locked shut. Suddenly, the events that had transpired only hours before came to her in flickers, as though her mind was a lamp running out of power.

“Judy!” she gasped, pounding on the door. That woman wanted to terminate her from Team Rocket, if not from existence! She cried out until her voice became hoarse, fumbling for her belt. There were no Pokeballs there, and they were probably her only means of escaping.

Jasmine slumped to the ground, the smell of the sewer system reaching her nose. Judy was good, she would give her that … but she had never been good with situations like this no matter how she acted, and Jasmine was certain that in her rush to haul her down here, that snake had probably forgotten something important.

She frowned, burying her face into her arms. The smell was disgusting, and she had no idea how long she would be trapped here. Her Pokemon were taken, the door was locked, she could barely think with the gas that she had been exposed to …

Last edited by Seawolf; 01-28-2007 at 11:01 PM.
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Old 01-22-2007, 11:02 PM
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Default Re: Base-Side Manners

When Jasmine looked up, she was startled to find two creatures staring back at her. One resembled an acorn and the other was shaped like a star. Despite how dark it was, she could still make out what they were, as she had been assigned to guard them the previous night. They watched her curiously, as though she were a lab specimen.

“Y-You two,” Jasmine breathed, and the duo hid behind the grating at the sound of her voice. “Wait, come back!” she cried, waving her arms about in desperation. “Please!” When they did not return, she felt tears splash down her cheeks and fall to the harsh cement. She really did fail in her work, just like Judy had said.

She wiped the space around her to clear anything that might be sitting there, laying her head down in defeat. She was surprised when her hand brushed something on the floor, which rolled away from her as soon as she touched it. Reaching out to grab it before it could plunge to the sewer below, she could tell it was one of the Pokeballs she had taken. Just as she thought, Judy hadn’t been as careful as she should have been. Jasmine smiled triumphantly, pressing the button in the middle of the device, which made it expand to the size of a baseball. Before she could use it, two shadows had appeared in her line of vision again. They were the two Pokemon she had held captive, and they peered at her from the sewers, apprehensive.

“I’m really sorry about what happened before,” Jasmine said, the words rushing out of her mouth. She didn’t want them to vanish again. “I only captured you two because it was my job, but I’m starting to see how corrupt this business really is. If you two can help me, I promise I will get you out of this hellish place.”

“Seedot,” the acorn-like one said, as though there had never been bad blood between them. Staryu looked to its companion and they both nodded, their choice made. Seedot bashed into the grating and fell back, his attempt at rescuing thwarted. Staryu fired a small blast of water, but it also turned out to be ineffective. They looked to the former Rocket member and voiced their concerns, but Jasmine had another idea.

“Don’t worry,” she said, tossing the Pokeball in her hands towards them. “I think this will work.” She crossed her fingers, hoping that the Pokemon that Judy had left with her was one that she knew would be fully capable of helping them to escape. A red light flashed from the orb, illuminating the basement temporarily until the form of a small, humanoid Pokemon began to take shape. Moments later, the light faded to reveal Machop, a Pokemon with super strength as its ally.

“Machop!” it cried, throwing a punch. Jasmine breathed a sigh of relief, turning to the gray colored Pokemon while Seedot and Staryu jumped in the air happily. “Machop, do you think you can remove this grating for us?” she asked, and Machop quickly nodded. Grabbing onto the metal and grunting, he pulled at it with all of his might, and it shook loose. With another tug, the strong Pokemon ripped the grating from the concrete walls of the sewer and tossed it aside, flexing his muscles when the job was finished. Jasmine clapped her hands while Seedot and Staryu rushed inside, voicing their own congratulations in their strange languages.

“Good work, Machop,” Jasmine said, peering through the entrance they had made. Looking down, all she could see was the slimy, green water of the sewer system. She made a face and turned to the Pokemon trio, wishing that there was some other way that they could go about escaping. She never imagined her leave from Team Rocket would be this horrifying.

“If I remember the layout of this place correctly, we can follow the sewer to escape through a secret passage that leads us back to Mauville,” she said, gingerly stepping into the murky waters. “I’m really sorry we have to be down here, but it’s the only way.”

Seedot and Staryu looked to one another and shook their heads. Jasmine, who had just stepped into the sewer water, was livid. “Are you coming or what?” she asked, frowning at the water coming up to her waist. “Don’t tell me I ruined my best boots for nothing!”

Staryu indicated itself towards the Machop, getting into a stance that Jasmine recognized as something she hadn’t seen in awhile. Seedot did the same, and the young woman groaned in response. “I haven’t battled in ages,” she whined, motioning for Machop to come to her side. “Am I supposed to prove myself before we can use your help, or something?”

Seedot nodded, preparing itself for battle. Jasmine knew it would be hopeless to argue against them and so pointed towards the acorn-like creature, Machop forming his hands into fists and awaiting commands. As Jasmine wondered what to do, she noticed that Seedot was standing on the edge of where the grating had been, as opposed to her actually being in the sewer itself. If they could knock it down, they would have an advantage.

“Machop, make it fall with Karate Chop!” she called, and Machop rushed towards Seedot, who only stood his ground. With his fist straight as a board, the little Pokemon smacked the poor Seedot with incredible force, which it had not been anticipating. It wobbled and then fell into the water, where it was almost completely submerged. It tried to launch a Razor Leaf attack back at Machop, a flurry of sharp leaves escaping from its head, but Jasmine was correct in her speculations that Seedot would not be able to do much under the heavy waters. It floundered under the pressure of it instead, gasping for breath while the attack dissipated. Machop was considerably taller than the tiny acorn and was able to stand, albeit with difficulty.

“Good work,” Jasmine said, wondering if that was too harsh. Before she could call her next attack, Staryu jumped down from the room they had been in minutes before and sank into the water, shielding Seedot. Unlike him, Staryu was a water-type and could easily use a terrain such as this to its own advantage. Machop gulped but remained in a fighting stance, his crimson eyes glittering. His fighting spirit was unrivaled by that of any other Pokemon.

“I guess Seedot is out for now,” Jasmine said, turning to her companion once more. “Use Seismic Toss on that star!” Staryu was much faster, however, and launched a burst of water at its opponent before he could attack, splashing the fighter in the face. Machop shook himself off and grabbed the starfish Pokemon clear out of the water, smacking it back down into the murky depths of the sewer. Staryu recovered quickly and retaliated with another blast of water, but the clever Pokemon used the gruesome waters below them this time, momentarily blinding Machop.

“Machop!” it cried, wiping at his eyes furiously. Jasmine pursed her lips, knowing that such a thing could not be good. Who knew what kinds of things were in the sewer? She would have let the fighting Pokemon take a break, but she was afraid of what else Staryu could do.

“Try and land a Cross Chop,” she said, and Machop stumbled forward, but the agile star dodged his attack with ease. It landed on the concrete walls instead, and Machop howled in pain. His fists soon darkened with blood, and Jasmine cursed under her breath.

“That thing is smart,” she muttered to herself, hoping that Machop was still able to battle. “If you can, try another Cross Chop,” she said. Staryu launched a Swift attack, a rain of stars pounding into the little fighter. Machop was losing health fast and fell backwards, the move stunning him for a moment. As he struggled to get up, trying to see through the contaminated waters that blinded him, he moved his iron hands flat as boards again and punched Staryu with them so hard, the jewel set in the middle of its face cracked around the edges.

“Yes!” Jasmine cried, as the star flew backwards. Seedot, on the other hand, took this time to concentrate his power and launch another Razor Leaf. Neither of them saw the tiny leaves that were sharp as knives struck poor Machop in the back, leaving scratches on his side. The fighting Pokemon staggered backwards, but remained standing. He would not go down so easily.

While Staryu reeled from the last attack, also traumatized by the destruction of its beautiful jewel, Jasmine decided to take this opportunity to finish the walking acorn before it caused more damage. She commanded her companion to use Brick Break, who was all too happy to oblige. With enough force to topple a large building, Machop executed the move on Seedot, which was knocked back into the water. Panting heavily, it was on the verge of falling unconscious, but it had one last resort. The Seedot began to glow a dangerous shade of red …

Staryu ducked into the water and Jasmine’s face grew pale, as she knew from Team Rocket’s obsession with the Pokemon Koffing what this attack was. “Quick, dive under the water!” she called to Machop, and she held her breath, ducking her face into the cloudy water. Soon, the water began to pulse in violent, quick waves, and Jasmine clutched to her Pokemon as the powerful Explosion tried to send them down the chasm. She did not want to take her chances, and waited only until she was sure that the Seedot had finished the devastating move.

Jasmine’s head broke from the water and she gasped for air, resisting the urge to vomit. Diving into the sewer water had been more disgusting than she thought it would be. Machop also escaped from the depths and coughed violently, finding the whole ordeal as bad as his master did, apparently.

“Are you alright?” Jasmine asked, and Machop nodded, although it winced in pain. She speculated that the scars from the Razor Leaf attack and the previous battering it received from Staryu must not have mixed well with the added trauma of diving into diseased waters. Right at that moment, two shapes began to emerge. The first was the Seedot, which floated over the water on his back. On further inspection, it was obvious he was unconscious. The second was the Staryu, who seemed to have taken the blunt of the move used by its own partner. Spinning like a demonic top, it flew at Machop in a rage.

“Finish this with Karate Chop!” Jasmine cried, taking a glob of something unpleasant in her hair, which was no doubt a product of the sewer. Staryu rammed into the smaller Pokemon repeatedly, but the fighter still had the constitution to withstand another move. Staryu was fading fast, and could do nothing as Machop pounded his iron fist into the star, using as much strength as he could muster. It tried to fire one last Water Gun, but the move was simply too much. The jewel on Staryu’s face shattered, and it collapsed into the water, defeated. Jasmine, shaking from the cold and the adrenaline rush of battle, murmured one last order.

“Bring them to me,” she said, as Machop rushed to fetch the Pokemon duo. Flexing his muscles, he managed to sling both of them over his back, placing them next to his master. Machop were said to be more powerful than professional wrestlers, after all. Jasmine smiled and thanked him, wondering what they were to do now. As Judy had stripped her of all possessions, she had no way of catching the Pokemon. All she could do was sit back and wait for Seedot and Staryu to awaken and to tell her if she was worthy of them or not …

Ready for grading!

Note: Jasmine is now a fugitive, and does not have any items on her, so she cannot use Pokeballs. If this is a capture, just say that Seedot and Staryu have joined her party.
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Old 01-25-2007, 09:07 PM
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Default Re: Base-Side Manners



Story/Plot: A betrayed rocket. Now there is a surprise. Seriously though I liked it, nothing really complex or long. Good job keeping it simple yet effective.

Grammar/Spelling: Really good really really good I think the only think you missed was a period and ";" other then that I found really nothing wrong, Everything was smooth and well put together.

Description/Detail: Pretty good here, I would have liked a better picture of the basement but that's a small complaint. I was for the most part able to imagine everything for myself, so nice job there, great job describing the attacks also, that was quite enjoyable.

Length: The only thing that hurt you I guess, you're length was a little short according to the list. But I don't take length into account under normal circumstances though. Plus you're writing more then made up for it in my opinion but I'm not other graders.

Battle: No complaints here either, nicely organized, described well, not offset or unbalanced so good job keeping it pretty much even though some might argue 2v1 is hardly fair. Regardless I liked it.

Outcome: Seedot and Staryu...Captured! Sorry for the short grade but it was done well enough I really don't have any comments or complaints. Good job.

~Isaiah
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Old 01-25-2007, 09:10 PM
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Default Re: Base-Side Manners

Thank you for the grade, ST. It's very much appreciated.
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Old 01-28-2007, 08:04 PM
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Default Re: Base-Side Manners

It took ten minutes for the two Pokemon to stand from their watery graves, shaking themselves off and looking to one another for confirmation on how the former Rocket member had done. Jasmine watched them, but couldn’t understand what they were saying through their strange language. All of them were still quite battered, and she wondered if the damage caused to them would be permanent.

As though reading her mind, Staryu began to glow and the jewel on its face pieced itself back together easily while Seedot conferred with Machop, the scratches on his acorn-topped body still fresh from the explosion. The fighting creature turned to Jasmine then and hopped up and down with excitement, causing her to sigh with relief. She had passed the test, it seemed, and gained new companions to help her on her journey.

“Let’s get out of here,” she muttered, motioning for them to follow her. The layout of the secret base played itself out in her mind as she walked down the twisted corridors of the sewer, making a face each time her black boots pounded through the tepid, green water. The tiny Seedot hitched a ride on Machop’s back and Staryu simply floated through the water as though it were a second home, her jewel flashing all the colors of the rainbow and illuminating the dank underground of the base.

Jasmine stopped as she came to a fork in the middle of the sewer, taking this time to wring her clothes in vain, hoping that they could somehow become clean again with this simple gesture. Now, if she remembered from the main computer correctly, she was supposed to go to the right. Machop looked to his master and nodded his head towards the left, which she had been dreading. If she had been unsure before, this made her even more so.

“I think we take a right,” she said, biting her lip. Machop shrugged, not seeming worried at all. Maybe he had some sort of intuition about these kinds of things that she should pay attention to? In any case, she was sure that the exit was down the right corridor. With the three Pokemon in tow, they cautiously made their way through down the sewer, Jasmine swiveling her head every now and then to look for trouble. Everything around them seemed to darken with each step, and she began to fear that a monster, or even Judy herself, lurked in the depths. Even Machop and Seedot took slow steps, their eyes clouded with fear.

The former Rocket member almost danced with glee when they found a metal grating on the ceiling at the end of the hall, which was partially opened. The right side had been the exit, after all.

“Thank goodness,” she breathed, her raven colored hair sticking to her face. She brushed the strands aside and commanded Staryu to fire a Water Gun at the grating so that they could finally leave the base once and for all. The star nodded and fired a blast of water at the metal grating, making it fall into the waters of the disgusting sewer. In another impressive move, Staryu launched Jasmine and the other two Pokemon up to Mauville by launching powerful bursts of water towards the grating, and they were all on the lush grass of the city in just moments.

From the depths of the underground base, however, a device on the wall beeped and flashed red from the very corridor of the sewer they had been only seconds before, sending a message to the woman who waited in the command center above…

Mauville City


“Look at the state of my clothes,” Jasmine howled, pointing to all the green smudges that dotted her white shirt. “I don’t care much for the uniform, but my boots are ruined and I look awful.”

Staryu jumped forward and prepared to utilize more of her amazing feats, but Jasmine waved her away frantically, not interested in dealing with anything related to water for at least another day or so. They had landed on a square of land east of Mauville, and the few trainers gathered around had stared at them with wide eyes as they made their way from the sewer, more surprised at the fact that someone would even think of being there as opposed to the purple ‘R’ that adorned Jasmine’s shirt. As the trainers backed away, watching the young woman and her assortment of Pokemon come out from the hole that had suddenly appeared from the ground, Jasmine decided it best to head to the local Poke mart first and buy equipment. She bought Potions and Pokeballs and they were now sprawled out in the grass, deciding their next move.

Jasmine turned her shirt inside out, not wanting any unwanted attention. Trainers and civilians alike were quick to turn on anyone wearing the uniform of any of the known organizations, as their crimes were frowned upon throughout the entire region. Her clothes were still stained, but there was nothing she could do about that for now.

“Let’s get away from this place as far as possible first,” she said, and Machop nodded in agreement. “We can decide what to do from there later.” Seedot and Staryu stood, reluctantly, and they made their way down the walkway that stretched past Mauville, surrounded by jade grass and an odd arrangement of houses placed along the path. Things were not so easy as this, however, as a woman with auburn curls walked towards them and called out for them to stop.

“Not so fast, Jasmine,” she smiled, placing her hands on her hips. “We have been looking for you.” Jasmine wheeled around, surprised to see that a former co-worker had found her so fast. Seedot and Staryu trembled, remembering what had happened the last time someone in uniform had approached them.

“I’m not part of Team Rocket any longer,” Jasmine replied, motioning to her shirt, which no longer contained the customary ‘R’. “Judy helped me see just how corrupt that business really is, and I don’t intend on coming back, except when I have enough Pokemon to challenge the boss.”

The woman threw her head back and laughed, loud and mocking. “Silly girl, you can never hope to defeat Team Rocket. On top of that, you stole something from us.” Her eyes wandered over to the two Pokemon that hid behind Jasmine, the Staryu’s jewel flashing dark, foreboding colors.

“These creatures aren’t yours to take!” Jasmine cried in exasperation. “What we did was nothing short of despicable. If you don’t want trouble, I suggest you leave, Madison.”

The woman growled and pulled out a blue and white Pokeball, but soon stopped as trainers around them whispered and pointed at the brown haired Rocket member with accusing voices. Madison flipped her long hair from her face and smiled like a viper, turning to walk in the opposite direction.

“I would love to play, Jasmine, but I’m on an errand for the boss. You’ll be seeing me again soon.” With that, she began to leave Mauville in loud, angry strides, her boots clicking like a rattlesnake tail. Seedot and Staryu were seething, and looked on the verge of attacking the woman themselves. Jasmine held out a hand and gestured for them to stop, watching as the woman disappeared into the fading light. Madison had been one of her superiors, and a close friend for many years. It was hard to suddenly see her as the enemy now.

Jasmine shook her head, knowing it would be useless to be sentimental now. Those days were over. Machop tugged on her skirt, snapping her back into the present. If they didn’t continue on their way, more members of Team Rocket were certain to pursue her and the two missing Pokemon. She thanked them all for helping her come this far and they walked down the path once more, not noticing as a keen pair of eyes watched them from one of the bushes. Staryu, on the other hand, saw anything as a potential threat and launched a Water Gun towards the grass upon noticing the creature from her hiding spot. An impossibly small Pokemon appeared, shivering from the cold as the water dribbled down her feathers.

“What was that for?” Jasmine frowned, turning to see a tiny bird Pokemon with green skin and white wings with red tips. It cowered in fright as Jasmine kneeled down to get a closer look at the Pokemon, and she gasped when she saw that her tail was bleeding.

“Natu,” it whimpered, as Jasmine inspected her for any other injuries. Madison’s words came back to her suddenly, and she knew what had happened to the poor bird.

“Team Rocket is chasing you, aren’t they?” she asked, and Natu nodded sadly. She could recall the boss having a certain fondness for psychic Pokemon, and they were the ones who could easily escape confinement. This was probably the ‘errand’ that Madison had mentioned earlier, and Jasmine knew that she could not let the Pokemon fall into her clutches.

“I’ll take you to the Pokemon Center, but we have to hurry,” she said, reaching out for Natu. Out of instinct or perhaps rebellion, the bird nipped her hand instead and scurried into the bushes. Jasmine nodded to Staryu, and the starfish fired a quick burst of water once more that caused Natu to emerge, sputtering from the harsh, cold attack. Jasmine figured that the bird would not go down without a fight, which she was willing to go along with. Staryu leapt forward and awaited commands, her jewel beaming. It had been a long time since the star had been in a good battle, and she missed the feeling of them greatly.

“Okay, Staryu,” Jasmine said, unfamiliar with the moves it learned. “Stun her with Thunder Wave, I suppose.”

Staryu fired a weak stream of electricity at Natu that paralyzed her, and she tried to shake it off in vain. Thunder Wave was a move that slowed the Pokemon down and also had a chance of preventing it from attacking each turn. Jasmine didn’t see such a tiny Pokemon as a threat, but she wanted her treated for her injuries as soon as possible. Natu struck back by sending a violet ray at the starfish, and Staryu suddenly appeared dazed.

“Great, a Confuse Ray,” Jasmine muttered, hoping it wouldn’t cause much trouble. “Okay, use Ice Beam!”

Staryu thought about this for a moment and managed to resist the last attack, the air becoming chilly as the beam of frost began to form before her. She cast the frigid attack at Natu and the poor bird wobbled backwards. Such moves were strong against flyers like herself, and it seemed to cause sufficient damage.

Natu swiped her beak at Staryu, but the paralysis held her back, preventing her from going any further. Jasmine smiled and called for Staryu to use Rapid Spin, and the star Pokemon smacked into Natu brutally, who whimpered. The green and white Pokemon managed to use Peck in retaliation this time, but her beak glanced off Staryu harmlessly. It was clear who had the advantage in this battle.

“Now, Tackle,” Jasmine said, wanting a clear idea of how the smaller Pokemon was faring. The Confuse Ray got the better of Staryu this time around and the water Pokemon turned around and smacked herself instead, her jewel fading with each hit. From the sidelines, Seedot was pacing frantically, wishing that there was something he could do to help his friend. Machop appeared bored and merely watched the battle, placing his grey fists under his chin.

“Forget it,” Jasmine sighed, wanting to get things over with. “End this with one last Ice Beam!”

Natu closed her eyes and directed her energy towards the Staryu, and the star was propelled backwards, the mysterious attack striking both her mind and her body. Jasmine blinked, not knowing that the bird actually knew any moves that were of the psychic alignment.

“You’re one strange bird,” she said, as her Pokemon positioned itself back into place. “I need to get help for you, though, so I’m afraid it ends here.” Staryu had prepared another frigid beam in seconds and Natu tried to dodge it, but the Thunder Wave bound her where she sat, even with each desperate flap of her tiny wings. The Ice Bream struck her at blinding speeds and she toppled over instantly, unconscious before she touched the grass. Jasmine took out a fresh Pokeball and tossed it at Natu, hoping that she could bring the bird to safety and finally escape from Team Rocket.

The psychic bird was snapped up in a flash of red, which got trapped within the Pokeball as it fell to the ground and wobbled…

Ready for grading!
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Old 01-30-2007, 12:45 AM
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Default Re: Base-Side Manners - Ready for grading, again

Grammar: Do you use Word? If you do, you could try to do the special e … é that is … for Pokémon, it makes it look smarter ^_~.

Other then that it looks pretty good, though. If you want me to be nitpicky, it’s actually Poké ball (Galleon looked it up XD).


Story: I’ll admit it, I didn’t read the first so it was a little confusing, but it wasn’t a big problem. Pretty simple story, Rocket member is still on the run! She meets someone who is now her enemy! OMGZ A POKÉMON WHO WOULDA THUNK IT!? Tee Hee, short, simple, and sweet, it’s pretty good ^^.

Still, it’s very different from your other stories … it’s very … common compared to the rest of them. I was expecting some kinda wacky story :-P.

Battle: The battle was pretty flippin’ good, if I do say so myselfizzle. Still, and this has something to do with the below, there is still room for improvement (as there ALWAYS is for EVERYONE, but it’s still something to state to make my grade look longer. Hey, at least I admit it!) Did the Staryu spin around when she fired off the electricity, did the Natu’s mouth open when it used confuse ray? Picture it all in your mind and use your fingers to do the rest.

And just saying “Staryu appeared dazed” is kinda short, you coulda talked about how it was flying around in strange circles or something.

The battle was really good, I’m honestly just nitpicking and bringing out every little problem so that this won’t be bare XD.

Descriptions: This is one part where I won’t nitpick, the descriptions are pretty flippin’ good.

You know, of course, that you could always do more. The only one who honestly couldn’t is Galleon, who does too much XD

Length: It works.

Outcome: Natu CAPTURED


Tips for next time…

-Honestly Meggy, I choose random stories to grade when there are so many, next time please just PM me and I’ll get to your story when I can next time instead of going on strike :-/.
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Last edited by Dr Scott; 01-30-2007 at 12:59 AM.
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