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Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #1  
Old 11-08-2011, 02:35 PM
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Default (UNFINISHED) Touhou creepypasta

AUTHOR'S NOTE: ANY TEXT THAT MAY BE IN PARENTHESES ARE MOST LIKELY FOOTNOTES. DISREGARD THESE IF YOU KNOW WHAT I AM GETTING ON IN THIS WRITING.

--

Hello, reader. I came across this strange happening in Touhou 7 (aka Perfect Cherry Blossom or PCB) on Halloween night, so it's very recent. Now several may know me by Saku, some by Pivot, some by DJ, probably sometimes Sakuya. I only ask you to call me Aradia from here, to protect my identity and from the information to follow.

I started up a game of PCB after downloading it last Halloween, and everything seemed fine until I went to the character selection screen - Reimu and Marisa were missing from the lineup. Now, being a fan of Sakuya, I was convinced I'd downloaded a special hacked version where the only playable character was the old maid. Grinning, I selected her and sped through the rest of the selections.

I was then greeted with a loading screen, and the stage came up. But this time, it said "STAGE 0" without any of the poetry-ish text you'd normally see on one of the stage beginnings. Plus, the graphics were somewhat pixel-based unlike the normal well-drawn images in a normal game. I guessed this was just caused by the alleged hacking.

The enemies were zip. Nada. Nothing to shoot. After about 3 minutes of flying in a mass of pixels, Yuyuko flew onto the screen. I stared. Didn't she show up until...? I realized she was now talking to Sakuya (in-game.) I have written down the dialogue in a notebook for further reference. (Enjoy.)

Yuyuko: ...

Sakuya: What do you want? (Rotting princess...)

Yuyuko: Exactly what I was going to say, -devil's dog.-

The two girls insulting each other went on for about four minutes, and the insults became increasingly obscene as the text passed. Finally, Yuyuko responded angrily - no, more like in hysterics - to the maid.

Yuyuko: ALRIGHT -censored due to personal rules-, WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT!

Yuyuko's sprite moved to the top of the screen

Sakuya would look at her and say that it doesn't make sense, and Yuyu will say that she warned her, and fly off. Then suddenly the scenery changes to a creepy background, Lavender Town's music starts playing, and Sakuya will turn to the screen, appearing afraid, and then a text box appears saying, "Master Pivot, don't continue this" with Sakuya's portrait taking a change: HER ARMS ARE MISSING AND SHE LOOKS VERY SAD. Then ghost enemies appear and spell out "DYING." I'll freak out a little, and then I start shooting, but Sakuya starts to go slower every 20 shots. Then she becomes immobile, and soon, what appears to be the rest of the SDM cast pop up and they appear to be glaring at me, but then the creepiest part happens.

Sakuya's dead body drops from the top of the screen, and it looks mutilated, bloody, and she has a black void in her eyes. "Why? Why did you do this?" will sound, apparently in Reimu's voice. "You -NSFW-! You killed her!" I then hear, from Marisa. Then the game freezes, I scream, close the window, and tell about it. The creepypasta will end with this: "Every time I look in the folder Perfect Cherry Blossom is in, I think I see Sakuya's ghost standing behing me, shaking her head, and her now broken pocketwatch swinging past my head."

(Yeah, I know. Still looks like crap when I referenced Lost Silver and Lavender Town. :/)
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Old 11-08-2011, 06:11 PM
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Default Re: (UNFINISHED) Touhou creepypasta

Sorry to be the nitpick, but please only submit something if it's done. If it's not, it's not only very unnatractive, but hard to read also. Just something to keep in mind.

Other than that, I've not read much ceepypastas, but enough to get the cliche's out of the genre. I think you did a good job switching it up, as in you having to watch her die, try expanding that part. Same with the ending, because that's unique also. You never need to say in-game, it's just easily assumed.

The whole "actually going onwards" thing is also a bit overused, and if you ever write another one, that's a very good thing to keep in mind. Maybe because the player saves the dying Sakuya, Yuyuko kills the player in real life, instead. >:D
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