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Go Back   Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000 » Pokemon RPG's » Pokemon Ultra RPG » Stories

Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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  #1  
Old 06-23-2012, 01:09 AM
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Default Being a Sewaddle Sucks (Graded)

"It's not easy being green"
-Kermit the Frog


Pokemon to Catch: Sewaddle
Characters Required: 3,000 to 5,000
Characters: 4,930

I’m a Sewaddle, and I get no respect. I get it, I’m a Bug Pokémon with two evolutions ahead of me, and that puts me on the bottom of the totem pole. Maybe it’s being treated by humans as an annoyance or by Pidove as food, but I’m mad about it. What can I do though? Before today, my plan was to keep eating leaves and mutter to myself. And you can bet your Poke Balls, that muttering was going to be as passive-aggressive as they come.

But today, fate dealt me a different card. I ran into a trainer, every Pokémon’s greatest hope and worst fear. If they think you’re a worthy addition to their collection, you’ll get nabbed before you can even use String Shot. But if you’re not, then prepare to get beaten to a pulp and left for dead, all in the name of experience points. But with the fellow I ran into, I wanted the latter option. He stood over ten apples high (It always struck me that apples are a terrible system for measurement, but hey, you stick with what you’re taught.) and from the grass, all I could see of his face was a humongous grin. I was torn between wanting to get a closer look at the calamity that is Homo Trainerus, and just getting the heck out of there. Then he started walking into the tall grass and I had to act. I began to scurry as fast as my six stubs could carry me, but it was too late. He had spotted me.

His voice echoed across the forest my family had lived in for generations, “Oh no! A wild Sewaddle is attacking me!” Ah, the classic human excuse for their violence, akin to ‘It’s coming straight for us!’ He stomped over to me and I felt the earth shake. I just wanted to go back to my life, being a snarky Bug Pokémon among a civilization of Mareeple. But everywhere I turned, one of his black tennis shoes blocked my path. I craned my neck to look up at him. He was fumbling with a Poké Ball on his belt and standing like a Machop, squatting with a perfect escape path. Thanking Arceus that I hadn’t decided to use last night’s dinner to make my Mother’s Day present, I summoned all of the digested leaves in my stomach and let loose.

My aim was perfect, the String Shot connected with the crotch of his jeans and while he was still in shock, I backed up, crawled my way up and leaped towards him. The whole experience was breathtaking. I watched the twin pillars of his denim clad legs go past in a blur. Then I clamped my jaw together and severed the string, falling to the ground. I rolled as I hit it and gave myself a few seconds to recover. My heartbeat closer to the normal, I looked up to begin running only to see that the human had just stepped over me. Curse this tiny body of mine.

“I’ve got you now!” he bellowed to the heavens and held out his red and white prison, “I choose you, Pansear!” A red light shot from the center of the ball and formed into a red furred monkey with ridiculous ears.

Now there are a few things you learn early on as a Sewaddle. One of them is that a red Pokémon is almost always a Fire Pokémon. I was totally screwed, unless I could pull off an amazing master plan. Or I could try reasoning with the guy. “Hey,” I said, my attempts at making a confident-sounding voice failing miserably.

“Huh, what?” was the response.

So, I was not dealing with an intellectual heavyweight here. “Would you mind letting me go, Big Red?”

“Huh? Oh, sorry, no can do, bro.” The Pansear gave me what I took as a mournful look, or maybe he was just totally out of it.

Any further conversing was cut off by the trainer, “Stop saying your own name and burn him with fire!”

The monkey gave a shrug and tilted back his head. Immediately, his mouth began to glow red as my death was built up in there. Now I’m kind of ashamed to say it, but String Shot saved my life. I let loose what was left in my gut and it landed in a big sticky glob on the Pansear’s face. I missed the mouth, but I had hit his eyes, so that had to count for something. Confused, the red Pokémon began to look around and find me. Unfortunately, big ears and rustling grass are a bad combination when trying to flee. As I began to zigzag away, the Pansear opened fire, literally. Shot after shot of flame narrowly missed me. It was the most exciting ten seconds of my life, but I was almost to the tree that was my home. I craned back my head as I ran and readied another String Shot, only to find out that I had none left. My head bonked into the tree and I was dazed.

Behind me the Pansear had pulled off his string blind fold and was now approaching me. I grinned as best as my bug mouth would allow me. This was the end, I had fought the good fight, but it was all over now. Then, that booming voice again, “Wait, he put up a pretty good fight. I want him.”

I didn’t understand at first, but then I saw the Poké Ball in his hand. “No!” I screamed, “Kill me! There’s honor in that! I don’t want this!” Then the ball opened up and my world went red.
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paired with the marvelous Eternal Moonlight, creator of the above

Last edited by Phantasm.Angel; 07-13-2012 at 03:35 AM.
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  #2  
Old 07-12-2012, 06:51 AM
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Default Re: Being a Sewaddle Sucks (Ready for Grading)

I'll claim this and grade it tomorrow.
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  #3  
Old 07-13-2012, 02:30 AM
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Default Re: Being a Sewaddle Sucks (Ready for Grading)

Intro/Plot/Characters:
Alright, first off I'd like to say that this was a cute, creative idea for a story. I liked that it was from the Pokemon's point of view and that you went above and beyond what was necessary for an Easiest capture. It's a clever twist on the old 'trainer goes to the woods to catch Pokemon' story and the twist made it worth reading, heck, even fun to read. As far as intros go, you had a great opening line, and that along with the Kermit quote really helps your intro to achieve what it's supposed to: to draw in the reader and to set up the story somehow. Both of those goals were accomplished, so your intro's great.

The plot itself was, as I mentioned, a retake on a familiar story. Sort of reminds me of how people keep coming up with new twists on fairy tales, only this is the Pokemon version of that trope, I guess. Anyways I enjoyed it. The Sewaddle was an original, funny character and I love that the Pansear was some kind of stoner dude archetype. Even the trainer was unique, instead of being some bland cut-out character, he was given a personality. Great job!

Grammar:
Your grammar was nearly perfect, with a couple exceptions.

Quote:
I’m a Sewaddle, and I get no respect.
No comma here.

Quote:
(It always struck me that apples are a terrible system for measurement, but hey, you stick with what you’re taught.)
You don't need punctuation at the end of parentheses unless it's a question mark or something like that.

Details:
You have great detail for an Easiest story. The Pokemon were described, as was the trainer. The moves in battle were also explained, which made everything easy to understand for the reader. My favorite part was probably your explanation of how String Shot functions. I never really thought about it having anything to do with their digestion tract, but that added to the humor and atmosphere of your story. Overall, an excellent job for an Easiest story.

Length: Your story was short and to the point, which kept it from dragging on and it's the correct length to catch a Sewaddle.

Outcome: Sewaddle... captured.

All of the sections were perfect for an Easiest capture. You went above and beyond and I hope to see more from you. Have fun with your Pokemon!

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  #4  
Old 07-13-2012, 03:26 AM
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Default Re: Being a Sewaddle Sucks (Ready for Grading)

Thank you very much for taking the time to grade this, and thank you for the new addition to my team.
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