Pokemon Platinum release story

[AceArceus222]

This is my first one. Hope you like it!


The mysterious Pokemon of the Solaceon Ruins
There I was waiting for Pokemon Platinum to come out. Then, when it came out, I found for some reason, my friend, after a week of just playing it, he turned it in to GameStop. When I asked him why, he said “why don’t you buy it? It is too hard to express in words.” I didn’t know what he was talking about, but when I went to our local GameStop store, I found a whole SHELF of them in the store. I even saw a whole LINE of people turning in some Pokemon Platinum games. My endless curiosity made me buy the game. However, it only cost me FIVE BUCKS. When I asked the cashier why the low price, he seemed uneasy. He didn’t reply, but right after I bought it, I open the case, and found a note from GameStop saying NO REFUNDS. I didn’t care, though, because I NEVER refund my Pokemon games. After I get bored of the games, I don’t turn them in. I keep them for collection purposes. I turned on the game to see how far the last guy who played it was, and he was parked just outside of Solaceon ruins. I checked his party, and it had only one Pokemon named TURN BACK. I was wondering if this meant something, but I ignored it, and went in the ruins. There was a sign, so I read it, and it said TURN BACK. I freaked a little, but I couldn’t help but press on. After that, thing went bizarre, and found out why there were so many games in GameStop. After one step, my character went forward, did an escape rope movement, then I was teleported into what seemed like room with blood stains on the walls. Then, a Pokémon that looked like a MissingNo from generation 1 came, and said “YOU SHALL DIE ON THE SPOT.” The screen went white, and then there was a shrieking sound from the Ds. I screamed too, dropped the DS, but my parents thought I was lying when I told them, and I started stuttering, and shaking. They took me to the doctor’s office near our house, and the doctor told me to get rest, and I probably played video games for too long. However, when I got home, I found my DS. The battery died, the screen was black, and I took out the game card, burned, and laughed as it turned to ash. Why don’t play the game, and play it, and who knows? YOU might find the secret too!

[NES2]

This ain't a story. I ain't even a creepypasta. It's a friggen paragraph. No plot development, no suspense (YOU NEED THIS IN A HORROR STORY), just a paragraph.

The goal of creepypasta is basically make the reader anxious about the ending by building up to it, adding little creepy details, mysterious entities and events, and enough plot twists to impress M. Night Shyamalan. Instead, you explained this little tale in one undetailed paragraph. You even plagiarized another story with that last line.

The snarky critics inside my head do not approve of this lack of effort. Write more next time before you call something a story. It should be a wall of text or last at least 2 pages.

[MoonKit]

I agree with Nes2. I...I just won't comment otherwise, I would probably be banned for what I'm thinking right now.

[Giratina]

Now how did I know I was going to see NES2 in this thread

Alright. Creepypastas are arguably even harder to write than normal stories, because they have to be tacky and downright horrifying at the same time. The problem with this one was that the buildup was started well, but shot down. I actually really did like the "NO REFUNDS" thing. But afterward -- well, how many of us have seen a creepypasta where the only Pokémon is named "TURN BACK"? Pretty much everybody. In these kinds of works, originality is absolutely crucial. I'd say build off of the appearance of MissingNo., like making the game HG/SS or something so they could walk around Cinnabar, or even just change the glitch to one that actually appears in Gen IV, like the Bad Egg.

[Sealboy]

I love the idea of the plot, I think, with some work, this could be a brilliant Story :P

But, yeah, as others have said, it is rather short . But no worries! For we (or most/some of us) are here to help! :D

So, there are quite a few grammatical errors, as well as the fact that the suspense kind of dies out mid-way. If you need help on finding inspiration to write a suspenseful peace, I can give you a link if you'd like?

May I suggest reading through other peoples' stories? It really does help to read other peoples' work - it allows you to learn how to use certain grammar and spelling. Plus, I never used to be good at writing (I'm still always improving though ), but I found that RolePlaying helped me out a lot too (Link), so look the section over when you have time/feel like it :)

Never give up writing though! Just because you've been given some bad criticism (no matter how harsh some of it may be) doesn't mean you should ever give up. Give yourself a goal to improve - it helps a lot (I want to be an Author in the near-future, so the goal to improve is always helping me :D).

I'd like to see you improve and write more - I like it when I see fairly new members trying to leave their mark in the Creative Writing section :)

~Sealboyno1

[Max0596]

Don't you just hate it when something under par gets way too many reviews, and something that's not that bad gets none? Yeah, I do too.

Anyway, yada yada, needs more suspence blah, blah, what they said.

[Giratina]

Originally Posted by Max0596

Don't you just hate it when something under par gets way too many reviews, and something that's not that bad gets none? Yeah, I do too.

Anyway, yada yada, needs more suspence blah, blah, what they said.

Presumably, people are more eager to point out criticisms than say "Wow your story is so good, I have no pointers!" It makes them feel more important. Of course, there's no way to gauge when people really like your work if no one comments on it, but... that's the mindset, I think.